Encore
by Leelan Oleander
Summary: Edward pulls a Forrest Gump and runs at a most inappropriate time. When he and Bella reconnect five years later, can Bella forgive him enough to give him a chance or is it too late? Canon pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! Thanks for being so patient with me. I know I mentioned to some of you that there was a new story in the works and I would have it up sooner than later. Well, looks like I lied because it's much later than sooner.**

**This is NOT the same gang from _Branded_ and _Road Maps_. This is a different story altogether. It has been a real struggle because even after writing 60,000 words it wasn't working, but with the help of some friends (Katmom, Minnakoda, Sophilia Tantrum) I was able to *hopefully* make it work. **

**I'm posting the first chapter to see what you guys think. I am not used to writing in the 1st person, so bear with me. Please review and let me know what you think.**

**SM owns the farm, I just play with the cows. Twilight belongs to her, this story belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended, AND all characters are fictional; any similarity to someone living or dead is merely coincidence.**

**Please see important A/N at the end.

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_**Bella POV**_

_Crap. Not again. Please, for the love of all things holy, not again. I am __so__ not in the mood for this bullshit today. _

Mustering all the courage I could find in my petite frame, I approached him. "Uhm, excuse me, sir? Yes, you: the one with his pants around his ankles whacking off to the covers of the movies. Uhm, yeah, I'm getting really tired of kicking you out of my store. Why can't you just buy a movie and do your business at home instead of in the store, where I end up having to clean your disgusting spunk off the merchandise? Contrary to popular belief, people who watch porn don't necessarily enjoy renting crusty movies."

The short, round, hairy, smelly, crusty-nosed man looked sheepishly at his feet and mumbled something I couldn't quite catch. I figured it was best to get this out now before I lost my nerve.

"Look, I know it's not my business to pass judgment, especially since we are in an adult video store, but when you're jerking off in my store, while I'm working, and making the other patrons run out of here gagging, I feel compelled to act. So again, sir, I'm going to ask you to put your wang back into your crusty tighty-whities and leave. I don't want to see you in here again, capice?"

The man nodded as he packed his loaded weapon back into his underpants. "Sorry, miss."

A part of me, albeit a very small one, felt bad for him. "I know you're sorry, but you can't keep doing this. If I give you a magazine, will you promise not to come back for a very long time?"

"Okay," he said, smiling.

"Come on, and keep your hands to yourself."

I escorted the bedraggled man to the front counter, rummaged around to find a couple of very old skin mags, and handed them to him. "Here, now go jerk off someplace else."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when the man hid the magazines in his coat and lumbered out the door. It wasn't just what he'd done, but he smelled so bad that the entire store reeked of dirty underpants.

I heard the electronic chimes go off at the door and cringed, fearing it was him again, but instead I was happy to see it was my best friend Alice.

"Bells, was that _The Stroker_?"

"Yeah, Ali, it was. I busted him over in the _Wet Cotton Panties_ section."

"Yuck! Actually, double-yuck. I hate that word."

Teasing Alice was too easy. I totally knew what word she was referring to, and frankly, I hate it too. I suppose that comes with working at the porn store for so long. "What word? Wet? Cotton? P..."

Alice ran behind the counter and cupped her tiny hand over my mouth. "Don't say it. I hate the P-word."

Nipping at her fingers, I shouted the word aloud. "Panties."

"Ew! Bella!"

I hopped up on the white pressboard countertop and watched the dark-haired pixie frig around with the security monitor.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to see."

Grabbing the first thing I could find, I whacked her on the head with a dildo. "Don't be so gross, Ali."

Hands on hips, Alice pouted at me. "_The Stroker_ only ever shows up when you or Jasper or Tyler are working; I never get to see him in action."

"Trust me, you don't want to," I said, shuddering. "Why, Alice? Why would you even want to see that?"

"I'm starting to think he's just a figment of your imagination."

"Actually, he's a composite character constructed and created to cause you to question your sanity. Of course, he's freakin' real! I've had to mop up enough of his jizz over the past couple of years to keep a sperm bank in business; not that anyone would want to make babies with him—they'd be all short, dirty, crusty, and pervy."

"Don't forget hairy and smell...OH MY GOD! MY EYES!" Alice cried out, covering her face with her small hands.

I couldn't help it; it's like that sick need to look at the mangled body on the side of the road after a pedestrian is ploughed down. I looked over at the grainy playback on the monitor and felt lunch coming back up on me.

Alice had to be stopped. Before I could barf, I grabbed the remote control and turned off the vision of grossness on the black and white screen.

"I warned you, Ali," I said, trying to swallow the bile burning in the back of my throat.

"Ugh, I think I've gone blind, Bells!"

The electronic chime went off again. Being the super manager that I am, I jumped down from the pressboard counter and assumed my spot by the cash terminal before spinning around on the stool to greet the customer.

It wasn't _The Stroker,_ in fact, it was one of my favourite people on the planet. "Alfie! How's my favourite guy today?"

The elderly man with the infectious smile walked toward the counter, his pale blue eyes sparkling under the harsh fluorescent lighting. "Sunshine! How are you?"

I couldn't contain the smile that plastered my face as I ran around the gate to give him a hug. "I'm better now, Alfie. You didn't answer my question, though. How are you?"

"Much like you, I'm better now. Hey, is that my little pixie hiding back there?"

Alice waved, blushing. "Hi, Alfie. Do I get a hug too?"

"Of course, sweetie. Come here and give me some love before that beautiful boyfriend of yours shows up."

I stepped back to allow my best friend some time with our favourite guy over sixty.

"Jasper's not in until five," Alice told him.

"Oh, poo, I'll have to come back later to get my ogle in," he said, waggling his bushy grey eyebrows.

Alice snickered, before playfully slapping his on the arm. "Are you trying to steal my man?"

"Mm...I wouldn't mind," he replied, winking at her, "if he wasn't so head over heels for you."

I couldn't help myself, I gagged. Alfie turned his attention back to me and smiled warmly. "Don't worry, Sunshine, your prince will come soon."

"Pfft..." I blew a raspberry at him before turning back to the new shipment of sex toys that needed to be priced.

Working at an adult video store might sound like an unconventional job for a graduate student, but it helped pay the bills. I have to admit, I had been terribly shy and prudish at first, but it wasn't too long before spending hours surrounded by dildos, vibrators, pocket pussies, and anal beads was second nature.

In the two years that I've worked in the electric pink and black box they called a store I could still proudly say that I had yet to watch a single porno. When customers asked for recommendations, I'd refer to the ones Alice and her boyfriend Jasper had watched, or ones I'd read about online. Jasper teased me about it all the time, but I really had no urge to watch people getting it on, especially since I wasn't getting any myself. My classmates were always joking around about how I have the best job in the world and it was being wasted because I wasn't taking advantage of it.

Oh, I was taking advantage of it; I have a pleasure chest back home filled with an impressive collection of toys, oils, lubes, and lingerie. Sadly, I don't have anyone to share them with. I mean self-gratification can only get you so far; sometimes you need to trade in the fantasy for something corporeal.

A noise snapped me out of my thoughts and I groaned. "Alice, stop violating the Jenna Jameson stump with the rubber fist! I don't want to have to explain to head office about how another one got torn."

"You're no fun at all!" she replied.

Alfie laughed. "Sunshine, she was just demonstrating something she and Jasper..."

Oh no he didn't. The mental pictures started racing through my head. "LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you!"

"She's such a prude, sometimes," Alice said just loud enough for me to hear. Alfie snorted.

_Time to play the assistant manager's card_, I thought. "Alice, is there a reason you're here on your day off?"

"Yeah, I'm here to torment you."

"Well, if you're going to be here, could you help me with the inventory? You know, make yourself useful?"

Alice sighed heavily as she returned the rubber fist to his perch on the wall. "Sorry, Fisty, the boss has spoken."

"Fisty will survive, Ali. So, Alfie, did you want the movies you requested?"

"Oh, I sure do! Which ones came in?"

I rifled through the stack of new arrivals. "Well, it seems _The Suite Life on Dick _has arrived_. _Oh, dear Lord, there are blond twins who look like older versions of Zack and Cody."

Alice ran over. "Let me see!" After grabbing it and scrutinizing it, she started to giggle. "Oh my God, they do! Oh, and the Mr. Moseby character is...oh, dear..."

"Are you blushing, Ali?" I couldn't help but tease her. "What's got you so flustered?"

Thrusting the movie back into my hands, Alice grabbed a clipboard and headed toward a wall of novelties. "You'll never look at Mr. Moseby the same way again. Trust me."

Curiosity got the best of me again and I couldn't stop the blush creeping up my cheeks. "Well, shit, Mr. M, you're hung like a horse...oh dear God is he...?"

Alfie laughed. "Yes, Sunshine, he's inspecting the poop deck."

I playfully slapped his hand. "How can someone so sweet be so devious?"

"Just ring up the movies, dear, and I'll be out of your pretty brown hair."

I rang them up without looking at the other titles, slipped them into a discreet black bag, and took his money. I couldn't help but smile warmly at him as he turned to leave. "Well, have a great night, Alfie."

"You too, Sunshine, and you too, Pixie. Give that sex god boyfriend of yours a kiss for me."

"I will. See you later."

After our elderly friend left, I grabbed a second clipboard and joined Alice at the novelty wall.

"You know, if I didn't adore that man, I'd have found that whole transaction disturbing," I said to Alice as she counted penis shot cups, or as she called them, _shot cocks._

"He's just so sweet; it's hard to believe he watches so much porn."

I coughed. "Pot meet kettle."

I watched as Alice whipped around to face me, her hands on her hips. "What the holy hell is that supposed to mean? Are you saying that I watch too much porn?"

"Maybe, but same thing applies," I pinched one of Alice's rosy cheeks. "I adore you, so I don't find you all that disturbing."

"You're just jealous because Jasper and I have a wonderful, vibrant, healthy, and terrific sex life."

"Hardly," I mumbled as my eyes reflexively rolled. I turned my eyes back to the wall of tacky, overpriced, and potentially toxic novelty items and went back to counting and making notations on my count sheet. After the novelties were finished, I moved on to the jelly dongs. "Hey, Ali, I'm going to do the jelly dongs now."

When Alice turned back to me wearing breast-shaped glasses, it was hard to suppress a loud snort.

"God, I love you, Pixie. Can you finish up with these then hit the vibrators?"

"Aye, aye, captain," Alice said, snapping to attention.

Laughing, I shook my head and ducked into the dong section. Rainbow-coloured dildos of all shapes and sizes met me and reminded me of the first time I'd seen the selection and giggled. Oh, how times had changed. I had been so wide-eyed and nervous for those first couple of months. It's not as if I was a pure as snow virgin, because I had had my share of hot, sticky, steamy sex, and it's not as if I'd never seen a porno movie; an old friend had educated me at an early age. It was just a little overwhelming when you're an easy-to-blush, non-practicing sexual being thrust into a world that revolved around sex, both the traditional and the depraved.

There were many nights at first when the hot pink and black walls made me feel trapped and sometimes made me feel sorry for myself for being single. In time, though, I became desensitized to most of it, in fact, the more I learned about it, made it more clinical, the easier it became to be around it all, including the store mascot, Fisty, a silicone fist-shaped dildo.

How had Isabella Marie Swan, graduate student, ended up working here in the first place? The answer was that my scholarship only covered so much and the hours at the shop were flexible, not to mention it wasn't all that busy all the time, so it was a great place for studying and doing school work. It was also a great place to do research; I am Creative Writing major and there is no better place for working on character studies.

The electronic chime brought me back out of my head again and back into reality. I'd been spacing a lot; maybe I should start taking those pills I hate so much again. I flipped my long brown hair over my shoulder and began walking toward the two customers until I heard a familiar voice.

"Excuse me, miss, um, we're looking for some things for my friend's stag party. Can you help?"

Alice popped her head out from behind the wall of expensive vibrators with animal names, and her jaw dropped. I swear I heard it hit the floor.

"Uh, what?" Alice said.

Oh how I wished desperately that I could fade into the racks of silicone dongs, but I wasn't a sex toy chameleon, it wasn't going to happen.

_Why? Why? Why?_ I screamed silently. _Why my store? Why not when someone else was working? I can't do this. FRAK!_

"Bella?"

_Shit._ "Hi," I said quietly as I stepped out.

"Is that a dildo in your hand or are you just happy to see me?"

Looking down, I realized what he was talking about; I was gripping a bright purple double-ender in my hand.

"Hi, Emmett," I tried to say aloud, before putting down the sex toy, but it only came out as a whisper. My head was spinning, my heart was racing, and I could feel my chest beginning to tighten. _Not now, not now, not here, not now._

"Aren't you going to give me a hug?" he asked.

"Um, sure."

He held his arms open to encourage me, and I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and squeeze the shit out of him. It was all I could do not to; I didn't know how he would react and frankly, I was scared. Was he still pissed off at me? It had been so long...

Big arms wrapped around me, my heart clenched, and I wanted to cry. It felt almost like home; it was like being next door to home—you're there, but not quite.

"I've missed you so much, B..." he said, his big hands rubbing my back, and it felt as if the last word got tangled in my hair.

_Not the nickname, please...you're too close and I swear I'll fall apart if you say it. Please, not here, not now_, I pleaded with him silently.

"Are you okay? You're shaking, Baby Girl."

As hard as I tried to keep everything in check, those two words broke me. A dam burst and I felt myself beginning to break apart. "I...I...can't..." I said, panting, as I tried to pull out of his arms. He held me tighter, just like he had back in the day, and just like back then, I could feel myself being lulled into a false sense of security.

"Baby Girl, it's me...it's your Emmy. Come on," he said, trying to calm me down.

"Um, Bella," Alice said. I had forgotten she was even still there. "I can take care of this other gentleman if you two need to step out."

_Other gentleman?_ As I turned around one word rang through my head like a gunshot before I felt the floor rushing to meet me.

"Edward?"

_**Edward POV**_

I think I just saw a fucking ghost.

Emmett and I were on a hunt for gag stuff for Mike Newton's bachelor party when we stumbled across X-plosive Video. I wasn't sure I wanted to go in, but Emmett insisted. He's the porn king of the family and used to places like that, but not me. No prude by any standards, I had lost my virginity to the ghost I had just seen when I was 14 years old.

Bella Swan was the last person I ever expected to see in an adult video store. In fact, I had never expected to see her again.

God, I can't think about that now. I need to get out of here, I need to get my brother and go home and forget this happened. But no, Emmett jumps to her rescue, because he can, and he carries her off, leaving me behind with my panic. My chest tightened, I started wheezing, and I fumbled in my messenger bag for my pills. Why couldn't I be the one who scooped her up and carried her off like a hero?

Oh, that's right, I'm not the hero. I'm the bad guy. I committed the worse transgression a person could ever do; I left my soul mate when she needed me most. I ran like a coward. I...

Stop! Stop thinking. Not here, not now.

Bella's friend disappeared out back with them, leaving me standing awkwardly in a puddle of panic. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just bail on my brother.

The tiny dark-haired girl skipped back into the store, stopped, and looked me over. I observed her closely in return. She was tiny, probably not even five feet tall; her black hair was streaked with a really deep red; her clothes were feminine but not girly. Her pale grey eyes looked through me, inspecting me, dissecting me. She obviously had an idea as to who I was.

"I know who you are," she said, as if reading my mind.

"I can't say the same."

"I'm Alice, Bella's best friend. I really have nothing to say to you right now, otherwise I will probably tear open your scrotal sac, remove your testicles one at a time, and use them as bocci balls while you watch."

I felt my nuts tighten up and threaten to move into my abdominal cavity.

"What do you need?" she asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Emmett said to hook you up with shit for the bachelor party. What do you need?"

"Oh," I said, finally understanding her. Fumbling around in my bag, I finally found the list of things we needed to purchase. I handed it to Alice with a shaking hand, "here."

Alice pranced around the store, filling her arms with the various items on the list. When she finished she threw them onto the counter and started ringing them in.

"Is she...?"

"DON'T," she replied tersely.

"But..."

"Do not speak to me, Edward. Not now."

I handed her my credit card when she rattled off the total. As soon as I'd signed off, she thrust three large black bags at me and told me to leave, that Emmett would call when he was ready.

"Can you please tell Emmett to call when he's ready?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Alice."

"Don't thank me, asshole. Just get out."

While I wasn't expecting a royal reception, it struck me that Alice's sense of customer service was greatly lacking. Aw, shit, who was I kidding, she had gone easy on me. I deserved so much worse, and she was right that I have no right to ask about Bella.

Fuck, why had I left her in the first place?

Oh yeah, because I'm a coward.

_**Emmett POV**_

I carried Bella's limp body to the back of the store and out into the alley where Alice said we would be okay. I sat on a fire escape step and cradled her to me. Her breathing was shaky, she was white as a ghost, making the sparse freckles on her nose stand out, and she was trembling. I whispered as I rocked her, hoping she'd snap out of it soon. It wasn't the first time I'd had to do this, and sad to say it probably wouldn't be the last.

"Please don't hurt her," Alice said quietly, "she's been through so much already."

"I know, Little One, I was there for most of it. Hi, I'm Emmett Cullen," I said, sticking out a hand to the tiny girl. She was super cute and if my arms weren't balancing Bella, I'd pinch her tiny cheeks.

"Cullen? Oh my God—Edward?" She pointed back toward the store. "That model-gorgeous specimen in there is THE Edward?"

"Yeah. Can you go stock him up with stag party stuff and tell him to go home without me? I'll find a way home later."

Alice smiled wanly. "Yeah, but if I castrate him, it's not my fault."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're tough, Little One. I like you."

"I'm Alice Brandon, and Bella's best friend. I swear if you hurt..."

Trying to cup my crotch with an armful of dead weight wasn't easy, but Alice got the idea. "I won't hurt her, Alice, I swear. I've missed her so much," I sighed sadly. "Can you deal with my brother please?"

"Gotcha." Alice gave the still-unconscious Bella a kiss. "I'll bring out some water. Be right back."

Bella began to stir in my arms so I stroked her hair and sang, _You Are My Sunshine_ to her quietly. She had always liked it when I did that before, maybe it would help her now.

Alice popped back out with a bottle of water and a wet cloth, which I put on her forehead as I sang to her.

"...please don't take my sunshine away..."

A strange look washed across her face as she regained consciousness. Her deep brown eyes looked around frantically, and when they focussed on my face, she jumped and shouted, "Oh fuck!"

Her eyes were horror-filled, panicked, and sad all at once. She trembled harder, and struggled to get out of my arms.

"Shh...Baby Girl, it's just me, Emmett. You're okay, he's not out here."

A sob tore through her so violently that I thought she might throw up. I pulled her up to my chest and held her as she cried. She clung to me as if I was the only life raft left in a vast, dark ocean.

"Shh, baby, it's okay. No one is going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry, Emmy, I really am."

My heart broke the second she uttered those words. Why was she apologizing to me? "Why? You didn't do anything wrong; if anyone should be sorry, it's me. If I had known you worked here, I never would have brought him. So, really, I should be the one to apologize. Do you want some water?"

She nodded her tear-streaked face. "Please. Oh shit, the store..."

"Little One said she'd take care of things. She's adorable."

"Is..." she hiccupped and choked on the water she was drinking. I clapped her gently on the back, taking notice of being able to feel each one of her vertebrae. "Thanks," she said when she was able. "Is he still here?"

"Yeah, but she's going to take care of him and send him home. I'll meet up with him later, unless you want me to go."

"No!" Bella practically screamed. "Please, Em, I haven't felt this whole in a while. I missed you."

"I missed you too. You have no idea how hard it's been." Bella gave me a look. "Okay, you know how hard it's been. Still," I said, running my fingers through her hair, "we've all missed you, a lot."

Tears forced their way to the surface and rolled down her cheeks. "Can we go talk? Please? I don't live far from here."

"Of course. Do you have a purse or anything?"

"Shit, I'll have to text Ali and get her to..."

"Here, Bella," Alice said, opening the door. "I thought you might need this. Your pills are in the inside pocket. Emmett, please take her home. HE said for you to call when you're ready and he'll pick you up."

"Thanks, Alice, I owe you," Bella said.

"I can think of a few ways you can repay me," she said, smirking. "Now, get out of here before I change my mind." She bent down and gave Bella a kiss. "You, sir, thank you. It's a pleasure to finally meet Mr. Dimples. Don't fuck with my girl, eh?"

I stood with Bella, bent down, and gave Alice a kiss on the top of her spiky head. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Bells, if Jasper's home can you send him down here?"

"Sure thing. Please promise you'll cover the security cameras or erase the tape if you two decide to...you know."

I roared. "Bells, you slay me! The shyest girl on the planet works at a porn store and still can't say the word _sex_ out loud. Did I not teach you anything when we were younger and watched dirty movies in my room?" I hugged her, suddenly overcome with joy. "It's so good to have you back."

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**So, there's chapter one. Please let me know what you think. **

**IMPORTANT: I am working on a research paper/article about TwiFic and I need your help. I have an online survey that I'd love for you to fill out if you have a few minutes and you haven't done it already. Since there's so very little out there about TwiFic, I figured the best information would come from the source; the people who read it and write it. So please, pop on over and leave me your thoughts. I was going to close it today, but figured I'd give you guys another few days to check it out.**

http://www(DOT)surveymonkey(DOT)com/s(DOT)aspx?sm=cPVaMeefzXi_2fYn7OIS0ZNw_3d_3d **--Don't forget to replace the (DOT)s with actual periods.**


	2. Chapter 2

**SM owns the characters (somewhat). I own this story. I don't own much, so back off, get your own story.**

**Okay, that was mean. Sorry about that.**

**This chapter, like the others, wouldn't be what it is without the magic of my Dream Team, Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophilia Tantrum. I *heart* you gals. Really...you put the meat on the bones of my story...it wouldn't be what it is without you.

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_**Emmett **_

I nearly stepped on Bella's orange cat when I entered her house.

"Fred! Leave Emmett alone!" she said, shooing the cat into the house. "I'm sorry about that; he's a little on the needy side, especially if he's been alone most of the day. C'mere, buddy." She bent down and picked him up, burying her face in his fur and sighing.

The cat was so excited to see her that it looked like he might turn himself inside out. Huge orange paws kneaded at her shoulders and the cat was purring so hard he whistled. I desperately wanted to run my fingers through his long, thick fur, and it got the best of me. When I reached out, Fred nuzzled me, making me smile. He really was as soft as he looked.

"Aren't you a friendly guy, Fred? Can I hold him?"

Bella smiled at me. "As long as you don't mind being covered in fur, please, by all means, love the Fred. He loves to be loved."

She handed the furball over and I instantly fell in love when he head-butted me. "Oh, Fred dude, you're such a nice kitty, aren't you. What's that? You love me too? You want to come live with me?"

"Hey now, there'll be none of that. Come on in, Em. Don't worry about your shoes, Jasper never does."

There was that name again. "So, Jasper is Alice's man?"

"Yup."

"And where's yours?"

"In your arms," she replied quietly as she ushered me toward the living room.

"Oh." Had Bella been single all this time?

I tried to get a good look at the house through Fred's fur, which was now covering my face. The open-concept living room, dining area, and kitchen were modern, clean, light, and simple, just like Bella. There were some very interesting artifacts and paintings adorning the walls and mantle of the fireplace, as well as a photo—the sight of which made my body go cold.

I set Fred down gently, and picked up the photograph. "Aw, shit, Baby Girl," I whispered, my voice shaking. It was a picture of our families in happier days, just before everything had gone so terribly wrong. It was the Cullens and the Swans standing on the beach, smiling, laughing, living.

Bella's arm snaked around my waist as a show of support and she squeezed. "We were all so happy that day."

"Yeah," I replied as a traitorous tear tracked down my cheek. "Shit, I'm sorry. It's been so long since I've seen this picture."

Lovingly, I touched the faces of the smiling people, frozen in time, and captured behind glass for eternity. "I miss them too, you know. We all do. Mom and Da…"

"Stop, Em, please. Can I get you a beer?"

After putting the photo back down on the mantle, I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned to face her. "I think I need about a dozen right now."

She smiled and it warmed me up again. "Good thing Jazzy made a beer run today. Come on, you big lug, I want to hear all about what you've been up to."

_**Bella **_

Emmett was still very much the Emmett I remembered and adored. The years had been kind to him, as four years can really make a difference. I felt older than dirt, looked older than my 22, almost 23 years, and saw the ravages of time and grief in my own eyes, yet here he sat; my big, burly, blue-eyed, teddy bear Emmett, looking almost the same as he did in the photograph on the mantle, taken 5 and a half years prior.

"Well, you know I went to UW, played football, blah, blah, graduated with honours, and went on to take my teaching certification."

My heart swelled at the news of his success. "You're a teacher? Oh, Emmy, that's fantastic! The kids must love you."

"Yeah, they do," he admitted, blushing. "I tried teaching high school, but I wasn't happy. I love working with the little ones; I teach second grade."

I beamed brightly before giving him a big hug. "I'm so happy for you."

He hugged me back. "Wow, you're all kinds of skinny, Bella. Do you ever eat?"

"Of course I do. I work a lot, study even more, and, well, my appetite never really came back after, well, you know." I didn't want to say the words. I desperately didn't want to talk about it.

"So, besides working in the coolest place ever and school, what are you up to?"

Fred rubbed up against my leg, so I picked him up and put him on my lap where he quickly settled down. I ran my fingers through his fur as I spoke. "Well, I got my degree in English with a major in Creative Writing, graduated with honours, and am just embarking on my graduate studies."

"I always figured you would have done the English/Creative Writing thing, but I thought you'd have had a novel published by now. You always wrote the most awesome stories. I still have the ones you wrote for me when I had mono in high school."

"Wow, doesn't that bring back memories," I said, laughing. "You were so miserable and it felt like it was the only thing I could do to cheer you up."

"Nobody has ever written stories quite like them; they're original and pretty damn awesome. I don't know many kids who could write such erotic things in ninth grade."

"Well, it's not like I was a virgin or anything, and you'd exposed me to more than enough porn at that point that it wasn't so hard. Writing erotica wasn't and still isn't my favourite thing to do, but I didn't have much choice; you kept whining about how the only thing that would make you feel better was sex with Angelina Jolie, and only a specific Angelina Jolie. I can't remember which one, though," I tapped my head, "my memory still sucks sometimes."

"It was the Angelina Jolie from Hackers…man, she was HOT! Only you would write a story like that for me. I've been lucky to have you in my life." He turned his head and took a ragged breath before he spoke again. "He's still hurting too, Baby Girl."

Instantly, my hackles were raised, my walls went up, and my palms began to sweat. "He has a funny way of showing it, Emmett."

"Trust me; he's been one morose mofo since he came back four years ago. All he does is mope, write depressing music, and mope some more."

I snorted. "That's not what I heard. I heard that he's had a great few years screwing everything that moves."

Emmett's head snapped up. "Who told you that?"

"Lauren Mallory. She said she went home for Christmas a couple of years ago and Edward was all over her and every other girl there."

He paused and closed his eyes. I would have laughed if the situation were different because I could almost see the thought bubble over his head.

"Whatever; he was hammered and begging them to tell him if they'd seen you. I'm pretty sure he's been celibate since…"

"Don't, Emmett, I can't…" I could feel my heart beating faster. I didn't want to have another panic attack, and I most certainly wasn't ready to have this conversation, but Emmett was persisting.

"You can't what? Talk about him? About them?"

"No, I can't…it's too much." I put Fred on the floor so I could stand.

"Does Alice know what happened?"

"Yes," I said quietly.

"So you'll talk to her about it, but not me? We were family, Baby Girl, please!" he begged.

He was breaking my heart. Saying no to Emmett was hard, and I knew that things were going to get ugly. I could feel myself starting to get angry, and I had such a hard time reining in my anger when it surfaced. I had spent many years learning how to keep it below the surface.

"I had no choice, Emmett! She was my first roommate after it happened and after having to calm me down every night after the nightmares came…I couldn't keep telling her it was nothing. She knew something big had happened; I couldn't lie to her." I leaned against the mantle and tears ran down my face. "It's not something I enjoy talking about so I just don't talk about it at all—it's easier that way. We have an understanding. I've managed to have four almost normal years since leaving Forks; I do well in school, I have a strange but good job, and I have three incredible friends here in Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie. This is my life now. I left the rest behind me."

"You buried it."

I gasped for air as the bitterness behind those three words hit me. I was being overwhelmed by emotions I had long ago tucked away. They were too painful, too horrible, and too sad to deal with. "I buried my fucking family, Emmett. You were there, you saw it; but not me—I was in a fucking coma, all alone. The last memory I have of them was of being in the car with them; laughing, being happy, and then I wake up a month later, alone."

"You weren't alone, Baby Girl, we were all there."

Here comes the anger. I grabbed a book and threw it. "The one person I needed to be there wasn't. Where was he? Oh yeah, he 'couldn't handle it' and flaked off, leaving me broken and alone."

Emmett reached out to me, but I shrugged him off. He sighed before speaking again. "I'm not going to make excuses for my idiotic brother because I'm not happy with how he reacted; none of us were, but he lost a lot that day too. Not only did he lose his second parents, he didn't know if you, his soul mate, was going to live and…"

My stomach lurched and my heart froze mid-pump. "Please, Emmett, don't say it…"

"And he lost his daughter."

The agony I'd buried so deep for so long gripped me and I drowned in it. Emmett wrapped his big arms around me and held me so tight I thought my head might shoot off my shoulders. It felt good, though, being back in his arms. Emmett had always known how to calm me down, make me feel better, and he hadn't lost his touch over the years.

"He loved Emma so much, Baby Girl. He still does; he keeps a photo of her in his wallet. Hell, we all do. We all lost so much that day; no one has ever been the same.

"I know your loss was so much more profound, but we all still mourn their loss. Charlie and Renee were like our second parents, and Emma had us all wrapped around her little finger."

My legs gave out under me and I fell to the ground and rocked, wrapping my arms around my body. "My baby…my sweet, sweet angel…oh God!"

_**Emmett **_

I knelt beside her and she let me hold her again. I hadn't heard her break apart like this since that day in the hospital when she was finally lucid enough to understand what had happened. The shock was so much that she regressed and went catatonic for a while.

Bella spoke between wracking sobs. "It hurts, Emmett. I feel so empty. He blames me, I know he does. It's why he left; he couldn't love me anymore because he thought Emma's death was my fault."

Oh no she didn't! How could she even entertain this as the reason he left? "No, Baby Girl, no, he was scared and he left because he is a coward; plain and simple. He'll be the first to admit it."

"Am…am I a coward because…" she hiccupped, "because I left too?"

"Now, you, you had to leave to heal. Mom, Dad, and I eventually understood; we just wish you would have told us where you were going. Your leaving so abruptly was almost like finding out you had died. It killed us."

And it had. She just disappeared. No note, no phone call, nothing. We didn't know if she was dead or alive.

"I didn't know what to do, Em, I was drowning."

"Why didn't you ask for help? We would have…"

Bella stood, wobbled a little, and made her way to the fridge. She pulled out two more beers and threw one to me. After taking a big swig, she sighed. "I can't do this, I really can't."

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl, I really am."

She held up her hand to stop me. "Enough. This subject is now closed."

I hated to ask this, but this question needed to be put out there. "Can I tell Mom and Dad that I found you?"

She looked shocked, and it confused me. "Do they really want to see me, after all I've done?"

"Of course they do! How could you think otherwise?"

Bella paced between the kitchen and living room, mulling things over. She looked like a caged animal, trying to escape. She pulled a hand through her thick, mahogany hair, then pinched the bridge of her nose, making me chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"You and…him…still have that annoying habit—the nose-pinch thing."

"Oh," she said, stopping. "Look, Emmett, this has been a lot to digest. I need to process it before you tell your folks. Believe it or not," she took a shaky breath, "I've really missed them, and you."

Patting the seat beside me on the couch, I urged her to come and sit beside me. "Thanks, Bella. I had always hoped that you ran not because you hated us, but because you were overwhelmed—not that I wanted you to be overwhelmed…ah hell, it's coming out all wrong. Maybe I should call Edward to come pick me up before I say something to piss you off."

Bella flinched at the sound of his name.

"No way! You aren't leaving until we've drunk all of Jasper's beer, which reminds me, I need to tell him to pick up some more. I totally forgot."

My bladder took that moment to let me know it was full and in desperate need of relief. "Which way to your can?"

"Still the eloquent gentleman, I see. Down the hall; third door on the right."

I checked my phone as I whizzed. Edward had sent at least a dozen text messages, each becoming more frantic:

_Is she okay?_

_Do you need a ride yet?_

_Does she still hate me?_

_Tell her I'm sorry._

_No, don't tell her I'm sorry. I'll do that._

_Where are you?_

_I'm freaking out._

_Are you ready yet?_

_Answer me, douchebag!_

_Seriously, does she hate me?_

_I can't breathe, Em._

_CALL ME!_

_Shit. _I dialed Edward's number and listened to it ringing.

"Emmett?" Edward sounded panicked.

"Who were you expecting? The Tooth Fairy?"

"Is she okay?"

_Do I tell him the truth? Fuck. _"No, she's not."

"What? What did she say?"

"I can't talk now; I'll call you when I'm ready to come home. Stop texting me, okay?"

Silence.

"Edward, dude, are you okay?"

"No."

_Shit._ "We'll talk when I get there. Gotta go."

"Em, can you tell her…tell her I lo…aw hell, don't tell her anything. Shit."

_**Bella **_

I shook my head when I checked my phone. Alice and Jasper had sent me a dozen messages, some of which were:

_Are you okay? –A_

_Why won't you reply? –A_

_Are you drinking my beer? –J_

_We love you-A&J_

_Where is the new shipment of blow-up dolls? Someone is asking.-A_

_We'll be home soon. –A_

_Should I hunt down Cullen and castrate him?-J_

It was hard not to laugh as I scrolled through the messages. I really did have the best friends I could ever dream of having.

I dialed Alice's number. "Alice," I whispered.

"Bella! Are you okay?

"I'll survive, but we're drinking a lot of Jasper's beer. Can you ask him to go on another beer run? I'll pay."

"Sure thing, but are you sure you should be drinking? How many pills have you taken today?"

"I'm fine, Ali, thanks. I love you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, and we love you too. Call if you need us."

_I need you!_ I wanted to scream out. "I'm okay. Em's back, I have to go. See you soon. Oh, could you please price that new shipment of anal beads?"

"Sure. Oh, and we found the box of blow-up dolls. Old MacDonald was in looking for a new one because his broke…again."

"I just sold that to him last week…geez. Anyway, I have to go. Love you."

"Love you more. Later."

Emmett laughed when he caught the tail end of the conversation. "That is so not…I just don't…Jesus, Bella, it just sounds so strange hearing you, of all people, talking about blow-up dolls and anal beads. Wow. I'm still in shock; my baby sister can talk dirty with the boys now." He winked at me and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Actually, I don't find sex toys to be dirty at all. That's just a societal construct based on medieval beliefs deeply rooted in religious taboo; you know, the whole _fear of the unknown_ thing. I'll admit it took me a while before I got comfortable working there, but I realized that it might be easier if I looked at it in a clinical way."

"What's clinical about a blow-up doll or a pocket pussy?" Emmett snorted.

"Some people are too shy or afraid to leave their house; others have endured abuse and have legitimate mental anguish attached to intercourse with another person, so they use our products as, well, aids, like…"

"Sexual orthotics?"

"Yeah. Some women have trouble achieving orgasm so they use vibrators or dildos to help learn about their bodies and what works for them. Some men have erectile dysfunction so watching a movie might help stimulate them."

"Man, you've turned into Dr. Ruth, haven't you?"

"I used to wonder what depraved things went on with the products we sell, and frankly, it started to make me ill. I had to find a way to make it work. I needed the job, so, I just made it clinical. Easy peasy."

"Why are you even working? Are you broke? What about the insurance money?"

Another thing I didn't particularly want to talk about. "Oh, that. Well, I have barely touched it. No, that's a lie. I bought this house, but that's it. I'm on a very generous scholarship; however, this house needs power and other things, plus taxes and other monthly costs."

"But Bella, there should be more than enough money in there to keep you living large until you turn 100. Why work so hard…"

"I don't deserve it. It breaks my heart to use it—they died and I got rich. It doesn't seem fair. I'd give it all back if I could have one last day with them, one last moment…"

"Gotcha, Baby Girl."

"I never got to say goodbye," I said so quietly he barely heard me, but I knew he had when I saw the look on his face; he looked pained.

There was a knock on the door and then the third part of my girlie trifecta barged into the house.

"Bella! Are you okay? Tink and Jazzy told me," she said, stopping dead in her tracks, "…oh…he's still here…uh, I should…wow." Rosalie started backing into a wall, her eyes suddenly very dreamy. I watched as a slow, shy smile crossed her face when she looked at Emmett.

Glancing at Emmett, I saw that he had the same look on his face and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Rosalie Hale, please meet one of my oldest and definitely dearest friends, Emmett Cullen. Emmett, this is Jasper's twin sister Rosalie Hale."

He stood up and stumbled toward Rose, whose mouth was still gaping widely. "H..h..hi," he eventually spit out.

"Mm…" she replied.

"Oh good Lord, you two! Where's my digicam when I need it—this is PRICELESS!" I was roaring by this time at the sight before me: Emmett Cullen, the overconfident, mildly cocky one was suddenly rendered speechless by the ball-breaking, over-opinionated, and equally speechless Rosalie Hale. Never in a million years did I ever think I would see this happen.

"Rose, come sit, I'll grab you a beer."

"Uh, okay," she mumbled, not taking her eyes off Emmett.

"Jebus, you two, go use the guest room, fuck, and get it over with," I said as I walked toward the kitchen.

When I came back with fresh beer for everyone, I found them staring at each other so intently that I wondered where the little Cupids were hiding and when the cheesy romantic music was going to start playing in the background. "So, Em…hello?" I said, waving my hand in front of his face. "Earth to …"

"What?" he said, eyes still glued to the blonde beauty before him.

"Where are you living now? Are you just in town for the bachelor party? Whose bachelor party is it?"

"Oh, sorry…Edward and I are living here in town. I took a teaching position here and he followed me. He's going to be doing the Music Education program, starting in a couple of weeks."

"Why did he follow you?"

Emmett was so thoroughly engrossed in Rosalie that he was an open book. "Uh, well, Eddie can't handle being alone since…"

"Don't, Em," I warned.

"Sorry," he said, snapping out of his trance. "He's a big old pansy who needs someone to check under the bed for monsters."

"So you're his Alice," Rose added.

Oh no she didn't. "ROSE!" I said, chastising her.

"Sorry, but it's true. I can't count the number of nights you woke up the entire floor with your screams. If people didn't know about the night terrors being the reason Alice always slept with you, they would have thought you two were either being murdered or dyking out. There were rumours circulating around campus at one point, but I quashed them pretty damn quick. No one messes with my girls."

"Yeah, with your fists and a purse full of quarters."

"I like this one, Baby Girl. She's a good one." He smiled at her. "I'm glad you had good people to take care of you if you wouldn't let us do it."

_**Emmett **_

I stood up and walked back over to the picture on the mantle, took a swig of my beer, then slammed it down. The drunker I got, and the more I looked at the photo and thought about everything that had happened, the more upset I became. I had been waiting four years for answers and I wasn't leaving until I had some.

"Damn it, Bella! Why did you leave us? Were we not doing a good enough job? My mother cried for months over you. You didn't leave a note, no goodbye, nothing. For all we knew, you'd flung yourself off the cliffs down at La Push Beach."

As much as it killed me to get all weepy girlie in front of that hottie Rosalie, when I turned around I didn't try to hide my red, puffy eyes again. "I apologize, Rosalie, but I've got four years worth of questions and frustrations to vent and I need to do it now before Bella pulls another Forrest Gump and starts running."

Bella stood and walked over to me. "I'm so sorry, Emmett."

"We thought we lost you again. Do you know how bad that hurt? You are family. You left us," I hugged her and was afraid to let her go for fear she'd disappear. "Don't leave me again, okay?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Maybe a little tipsy." No, that was a lie; I was hammered.

"Can we talk about this later?" she asked quietly, putting a hand on my cheek.

"Do you promise not to run?"

She sighed. "I'm not going anywhere, Emmy. My life is here, now. My heart—it's still in Forks, buried in the cemetery and still very much embedded in the bottoms of Edward's sneakers. Now, my roommates are going to be home soon, so let's kill the rest of the beer to clear room for the next batch. No more sad talk, no more crying, and the next person who dares breathe Edward's name will get a serious wedgie. Got it?"

"Yes, boss," he replied.

"You got it, Kitten," Rose answered as she raised her beer.

"Here's to old friends, new friends, and moving on."

_**Alice **_

"Xplosive Video—we stock 'em, you jack off to 'em."

"Excuse me?"

I giggled; there's nothing more fun than throwing people off with clever, and more often than not, inappropriate phone greetings. "Sorry, Xplosive Video, can I help you?"

"Alice?"

"Yeah? Who is this?"

A nervous cough on the other end set me on alert and I went into my tough-as-nails mode.

"It's, uh, Edward. Edward Cullen? I was in the store…"

"Cullen, what the hell do you want?"

"I just need to know. Is she okay?"

"Who? Bella? What do you care?" Man, this guy had balls of steel to be calling me and asking about Bella.

He sighed audibly. "I've always cared, I've just…shit…look, Emmett is being cryptic as hell and he's ignoring my texts…I…" he took a ragged breath. "I need to know."

"I'm sorry, Eddie, but I'm not telling you anything. You gave up any right to knowing her business when you left her."

"Please don't call me Eddie, and you don't understand, Alice. I wasn't the only one who left—she left my family without a goodbye. I'm not the only one guilty of bailing."

"She needed you," I said quietly.

"I know." His voice cracked. "You're right, I have no right asking about her. Please don't tell her I called. I'll…I'll…I'll leave her alone."

_Did he just sob?_ "Edward?"

There was definite hesitation before he spoke again. "Yes, Alice?"

"Are you okay?"

He chuckled bitterly. "No, not that it matters."

"Give her time, Edward, this was a lot to spring on her. She's still hurting, a lot."

"And I'm not? Fuck it. Forget I called."

I couldn't even believe I was about to do this. "Edward? Please listen to me closely. She tries to pretend that everything is okay, but it's so not. She still has nightmares; she still calls out for you. She's just buried everything so deep that seeing you today just unearthed a shit storm of memories.

"Please give her time. I'm not saying I'm happy with you and your actions, but you two have let this go on long enough; it's time to put this to bed."

"Yeah, you're right," he whispered.

"777-0140."

"What's that?"

"My cell number. Call me when you're ready to sit down and talk. Before I get involved in this, I want to hear your side of the story."

"Thank you, Alice."

"Don't thank me yet, I might still kick your ass."

As I hung up the phone, I wondered if I had just committed the biggest act of betrayal this side of Judas.

Jasper and I arrived home at eleven to find a house full of ridiculously drunk people. Emmett had both girls lying in his lap, playing with their hair. I grinned as I watched him move his hand down to gently caress Rosalie's cheek. _Hmm? Love match?_

Jasper nodded knowingly, when I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Heeeyy…" Bella slurred when saw us. "My bestest friends, you're hoooooome."

"Oh, geez, Bells, you're hammered. How much have you guys had to drink?" Jasper asked before opening the fridge. "Wow, you guys killed an entire flat of beer."

"I'm cele…hic…bra…hic…ting," she said, hiccupping.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, taking a beer from Jasper. "What are you celebrating?"

"My big brudder is here," she gesticulated sloppily toward Emmett, "an I miss-ed-ed him. An now he n' Rosie are all into each other. Whee! Happy happy!"

"Bella, you are SO cut off," I said, shaking my head.

Pouting, Bella replied by mumbling something that sounded sort of like _party pooper_.

"You won't be saying that when you're puking in the morning. Don't forget you have to open the store tomorrow," Jasper reminded her.

"Sssshit."

"Yeah, so maybe you should hit the hay. Emmett, do you need a ride?" Jasper asked.

"Nah, I can just call _he-who-must-not-be-named_ and he'll come get…hic… get me."

Bella groaned. I couldn't quite place the look on her face; agony? Sadness? Inebriation?

"S…hic…orry, Baby Girl."

"S'okay. Ugh. Someone make the room stop…hic…spinning."

"Emmett can ssstay with me," Rosalie slurred.

I moved toward the couch. "I think Emmett should go home to…"

Bella held up a finger. "Don't say his name."

"I wasn't going to, little-miss-bossy-pants. I was going to say that he should go home to his own bed. Give me your phone and I'll call him to give directions."

"Let me call him," Bella said, "I'll tell him exactly where to go."

Jasper stepped in. "No one is going to call anyone. I'm going to drive him home myself."

"Good, cuz, I don't want jerkface to know where I live."

I looked appreciatively at my tall, lean, blond god. "I'll put Boozie Bella to bed and you get those two home, then we'll drink ourselves stupid."

Jasper leaned in for a kiss. I took full advantage of his warm, full lips. _Mmm…I could kiss him all night and never get tired of it. Oh, wait, what were we doing? Oh, Emmett._ Reluctantly I pulled away. "That sounds perfect. I'll see you soon." He turned to Drunk and Drunker, who were making out on the couch. "Okay you two, let's go."

"Aww, boo, you suck!" Rosalie said, sticking her tongue out at her twin.

"Exchange phone numbers and call each other when you're sober. Chop chop! Get up."

"Slap Chop? You're gonna love my nuts!" Emmett yelled, laughing.

"I bet I will," Rosalie purred as her hand snaked close to his groin.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not going to watch my twin sister groping some guy's 'nads on my couch. Get up!"

I watched as Emmett and Rosalie begrudgingly stood up. Bella threw herself at the big guy.

"Bye, Emmy! Come see me again. I missed you."

"Right back…hic…atcha, Baby Girl," he said, hugging her. "I need your number."

Jasper sighed. "I'll get Emmett's number. Alice, get her to bed, please."

"But I'm not sleeeeepy," she whined. "Bye, Rosie, bye, Emmy. I love you."

"Bye, Bells," Rosalie said, leaning in to kiss Bella. "Thanks."

"For what?"

Rosalie gestured toward Emmett. "For THAT! Yummy!"

Bella giggled before crumpling on the ground. "I think I'm drunk, Ali."

"Yeah, baby, you are. Come on, let's go to bed." I leaned over and helped my drunk best friend get up off the floor, and dragged her sorry ass to the bedroom. "How many pills did you take tonight, Bells? How many beers did you have? Should I be worried?"

"Pfft, you worry too much. Don't worry, be happy," she shouted in my face.

_It's going to be a long fecking night.

* * *

_

**_Ah ha, some back story...finally! Were you expecting it? What did you initially think was the reason Edward had Forrest Gumped?_**

_**I'm really excited about the upcoming chapters. I hope you are too. **  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**_*waves* Hi all. Hope some of you are sticking around for more drama, more angst, and a dose of Emmett. ;) He's just too much fun to write sometimes._**

**_I was pleasantly surprised to know that I had stumped pretty much everybody with the twist in this sordid tale.  
_**

**_A HUGE thank you again, to my Dream Team (DT), Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophilia Tantrum, who aren't afraid to tell me when things don't work or there are holes the size of Emmett's dimples in my plot. _**

**_My heart belongs to my DT, but Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer (who is going to be on Oprah on Friday, November 13th for those of you who didn't know).

* * *

  
_**

_**Jasper **_

Since Emmett was as useful as a tit on a bull and too drunk to care about getting anywhere but in Rosalie's pants, I had to take matters into my own hands. I grabbed his phone and called his brother for directions.

"Emmett? Where the hell are you?" Edward said, his voice sounding frantic.

"This is Jasper. Emmett is, uh, indisposed? I'm trying to drive him home but his sense of direction is homed in on my twin sister's tits. Can you help?"

He sighed on the other end. "Jesus, sometimes I wonder who the big brother really is. Our place is the third house on the right, behind the Sportsplex on Third Avenue."

"Gotcha. Be there soon."

I couldn't help but groan when I heard Rosie moaning in the back seat. "Sweet baby Jebus, would you two come up for air or something? You're grossing me out."

"Sorry," she replied, breathless.

"Yeah, uh, sorry?" Emmett mumbled. "So, Rosie, you wanna go out sometime?"

"Hell yeah."

"Great," I said, sighing. "Alright, I think we're here. Come on, Emmett, up and out. Please remove your hands from my sister's body."

Edward came out the front door, scowling. "What the hell, Emmett?"

I nodded toward the tall, lanky, handsome guy seething beside me. "Hey, I'm Jasper Hale."

"Thanks, Jasper, I'm Edward and I am so sorry about my older brother." He looked tired, upset, frustrated. I could totally relate to the frustrated part.

"It's okay, man. It's been a strange day."

Edward ran his hands through his unruly bronze hair, and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Come on, Emmett, let's go in the house."

"But I wanna stay with Rosie," he protested.

"You can see her again some other time. Come on. You're making a scene."

I couldn't help but chuckle while watching the exchange going on between the Cullen brothers. Edward was totally fighting for control of the situation, and by the looks of it, Emmett had a good hundred pounds on his younger brother and would probably put up a good fight. I was half-tempted to stick around to watch how he handled things.

"Fine," Emmett huffed. "I'll call you, Rosie. It was super hot meeting you."

"Mm…" she hummed, leaning in for one last kiss. Emmett tangled his hands in her long blonde hair and kissed her hard. Edward and I looked at each other, growled, and went about forcibly removing them from each other. When they parted, they were both sporting some crazy swollen lips and eyes so full of lust they almost burned.

Edward shuddered as he helped Emmett to the house. "Dude, please refrain from rubbing your hard-on on my leg."

"Bye, Rosie," Emmett said, waving as Edward dragged him back to the house.

"Bye, Emmy."

"Night, John Boy," I mumbled. "Come on, Rosie, let's get you home."

To say the ride home was pleasant would be a complete and total lie. After Rosalie puked twice before getting to her apartment, I made an executive decision to bring her back to the house where I could keep an eye on her. The last thing I wanted was for her to choke on her own vomit.

So, being the loving brother and gentleman that I am, I carried her in and settled her down in the spare room. Alice was nowhere to be found, so I figured she was with Bella.

Bella's room was dark, save for the light coming from the en suite bathroom. There wasn't much in her room; a bed, bureau, desk, chair, lamp, a few photos sat on the bureau. Everything was simple, clean, and sparse.

The girls lay entwined on the bed; Bella was sobbing. Alice rubbed her back gently and let her cry. My heart both swelled with pride at my girl for comforting our friend, but it broke with every painful sob that left Bella's body. Fred was perched protectively at the foot of the bed, being the good guard cat that he is.

"I was…was…it was…easier. He…he…had t…to…come and mess…mess it up," she said between sobs. She let out a wail so full of pain that I felt the air being pulled from my lungs. It was so overwhelming that I had to grasp the doorframe to right myself. I'd been privy to a lot of Bella's nightmares, but they'd never sounded like this.

"I had…had a life…" she sobbed. "I put it all away, now it's all back. What…what am I…God…"

Unable to stand by and watch this, I crawled into bed with them and held Bella tightly to me. "We'll get you through it, B, I promise."

"We're here, Bells, we won't let you go."

"I want to wake up and this…this mess…I want it to be all a bad dream." Her sniffles broke my heart.

Alice ran her fingers through her best friend's long brown hair, knowing it would calm her and hopefully lull her to sleep. "Sleep, sweetie, we'll figure it out tomorrow."

I kissed her head then tried to move, but Bella's hand reached back and grabbed my arm. "Don't go," she cried out. "Please don't leave me."

"I need to check on Rosie; she was too sick to go home. I just want to make sure she's still sleeping on her side; I don't want her to choke if she pukes again."

"Come back," she begged quietly.

"I promise. Now go to sleep. I love you, Bella."

"Love you too, Jazzy."

Alice continued to massage Bella's scalp until the sobs turned to whimpers, and then light snores. When I came back, I returned with a bottle of water, two Advil, and a lemon wedge, and set them down on the nightstand. She was going to have a hangover, and she'd be needing it, big time. I crawled back into bed, resumed my position behind Bella, and reached for Alice's hand and laced my fingers together with hers. "I love you, Alice."

"I love you more, Jazzy." She looked down at Bella and sighed. "This is a mess, a huge clusterfuck of chaos."

"I know. What're we going to do?"

"I don't know, but I'm scared for her. It's an awful lot to deal with and frankly, I don't know if she has the strength to go through this again. We might not get to sleep in our bed for a while. I figure the nightmares will be back in full force."

"Great." I sighed. Alice and I might average a fortnight's worth of sleep in our own bed every month, if we were lucky. When Bella's nightmares came, she couldn't be alone, and Alice's devotion to her best friend was so strong that she would never entertain the thought of letting her suffer through them by herself. I loved my girl so much, but sometimes it felt like she babied Bella too much. Maybe if she hadn't coddled her so much at the beginning…

Alice spoke again. "I think they need to talk."

"Who? Edward and Bella?"

"Yeah, neither one has had any sense of closure. He bailed, then she did. He's just as messed up over this as she is. Maybe if they can find closure she can stop burying everything."

My girl was a smart cookie. "It might be worth a shot. Man, she's gonna have a rough day tomorrow. It's a good thing she's off on Sunday and Monday."

"My poor little kitten," Alice said, pushing some hair out of Bella's face and kissing her forehead.

* * *

_**Edward **_

_A knock came at the door and when I answered it, I knew my life was about to change forever. Two solemn police officers stood at the threshold._

"_Edward Cullen?"_

"_Yes, that's me."_

"_Sir, there's been an accident."_

_What? Did he just say there's been an accident? Who? OH MY GOD! "NO!"_

_My mom came up behind me. "What's happening?"_

"_Mrs. Cullen," the officer said, "can we please come in? There's been..uh…an accident."_

"_Oh dear God! Please, come in."_

_I couldn't stop myself, I began rambling nervously because nothing was making sense. "Who? What? Bella? Emma?" _

"_I'm sorry, son, Charlie and Renee Swan and Emma Cullen were killed in a car accident this afternoon."_

"_NO! NO! NO! NO! NOT EMMA!" I screamed, falling to my knees._

"_What of Bella?" Mom asked quietly, tears beginning to form in her eyes._

"_Miss Swan has been taken by LifeFlight to Seattle General. She is in critical condition, I'm afraid the initial prognosis is not good. There has been extensive trauma to her head."_

_I could feel my mother crouching down beside me as I wailed on the floor. "Edward, honey, Bella's still alive. We need to be strong for her."_

_But Emma wasn't. My heart was dead. "Emma! My baby girl is gone! Why? She was only two years old…oh my God!"_

_Mom stood and escorted the officers to the door. "Thank you, gentlemen. We're very sorry for the loss of your Chief. He was a dear friend of ours."_

"_We're sorry for your loss as well, Mrs. Cullen. Your granddaughter was a special little girl. We all loved her dearly down at the station. Her grandpa Charlie was so proud of her."_

_Emmett came running down the stairs. "What the hell is going on? Why is Edward crying?"_

"_Help me get him to the living room, son. We need to talk."_

I sat up in bed, the echo of my scream still bouncing off the walls. A heavy sheen of sweat coated me, my heart both breaking and trying to burst out of my chest at the same time.

Reaching under my pillows, I brought out a well-loved stuffed rabbit and held it to my chest while I cried. They told me that time would ease the pain, but it didn't; some days it was worse.

Seeing Bella opened up a brand new can of worms; a whole new world of pain I'd tried to bury.

Emmett stumbled into my room. "Edward?"

"Yeah, Em."

"Where's the Advil? My head is splitting."

"In my medicine cabinet. Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, you did. It's okay; I deserve it for getting drunk and bailing on you today. I'm sorry, but Bella needed me too, and shit, man, I've really missed her."

At the sound of her name, I hugged the bunny and tried to hide it from my brother.

"Keep Bunny Fou-Fou out, bro, you don't have to hide him. I know you're hurting." Emmett called out from the bathroom.

"How is she?" I asked quietly.

"Well, I think she was doing really well until we showed up. Seems like she'd gotten her shit together—she's in Grad School, she pretty much runs that store with Jasper, and although I find it utterly hilarious that our bashful Bella sells porn, she seems good, or rather, seemed good. Deep down she's still hurting, and frankly, little brother, I can't blame her. You really fucked up."

I rubbed one of the bunny's ears under my nose and sighed. "I know I did. I wake up every morning knowing that I fucked up; that Bella's probably a mess because I freaked out, got selfish, and ran."

Emmett sat down on the bed beside me. "She's still really angry."

"Do you blame her? She lost her parents, our daughter, and, well, me, I guess, all in the span of an instant."

"You need to talk to her."

"I don't think she wants to talk to me," I said sadly. "Hell, I don't want to talk to me."

"You both need closure, bro. You won't do it until you face each other."

"I…shit…I don't know, Em."

"Suck it up, Princess. Do you have any love left for Bella? Any at all?"

"Of course! I never stopped loving her," I whispered, too afraid to speak aloud in case it brought on the tears that were threatening to fall.

"If you can't do it to give yourself some peace, do it for Bella, or at the very least, for Emma. She would be heartbroken if she knew her death had caused this."

_Emma_. Every time I heard her name, a piece of me died. "She was only two, Emmett, she wouldn't understand."

"She was a smart little cookie, and stubborn, just like her parents. Please think about it, Edward. I really don't think either one of you will be able to completely move on until you find some closure."

"She's never going to forgive me. Ever. I can't forgive myself, so how can I expect her to? I left her when she needed me most."

"Instead of living with expectations, why not follow the advice given by the geniuses at Nike and _just do it_. You won't know until you try."

I scrubbed my face with my hands and groaned. "It's been five years. I…I don't know."

Emmett hugged me. "Think about it, okay? Oh, and don't breathe a world to Mom and Dad yet. Bella wants me to wait before telling them that we found her."

"I can respect that." Not to mention I could totally understand why she would want to wait as I assumed it was the same reason I didn't come back when I realized just how badly I had screwed up. I was afraid of everyone's reaction, and afraid to face the mess I'd left behind.

"Okay, I need to sleep. My head is going to splinter and I don't want to be in too rough shape tomorrow. I'm going to ask out that fox Rosalie. Man, she's hot, and her tits…mmm…I get hard just thinking about it." He moved to stand, but I grabbed his hand.

I hated doing this, but I knew I'd never get any sleep if I didn't. "If you can keep your dick under control, could you, uh…crash in here?"

"You're lucky I love you, little man. You're getting kind of old for sleepovers."

"I'm sorry, I'm…I'm a mess." And I was. I was perched on the precipice of a full-blown panic attack and I didn't want that to happen. I reached for a familiar bottle of pills and took one.

"I know, I was just teasing," Emmett said, ruffling my unruly hair.

We were quiet for a minute and for some reason I felt the need to say something. "She should be starting second grade this year."

"I know."

"You could have been her teacher."

"I know."

"What if…?"

"We can talk in the morning. Try to get some sleep."

* * *

_**Bella POV**_

"Did you get the name of the giant that stomped on me?" I groaned when the alarm went off the next morning.

"Suck it up, Princess," Alice grumbled as she reached for Jasper when I sat up. "Jazzy. Cuddle. Now."

"Advil on table," he grunted as he pushed me out of the way so he could spoon with Alice.

Smiling sadly, I gave them each a kiss. "Thanks for everything. I owe you."

"Mmm…your tab is getting big, Bella. Payback is a bitch," Alice mumbled.

"I know. Ugh. I don't feel like working today."

"Just get through today and you can sleep and be pathetic for the next two. Now leave us alone. You kept us up all night."

Oh God. "Was I screaming?"

"Later, Bella. Go. Work."

"I love you, guys."

Something was nagging at the back of my mind as I showered and it was driving me nuts that I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Something had happened last night, something big.

Stupid short-term memory. Since the car accident five years ago, I'd been struggling with holes in my long term memory and sometimes found gaps in my short-term. Drinking only exacerbated it. Why was I drinking so much?

Then it hit me like a ton of bronze-haired bricks and the shampoo bottle slipped from my grasp as I was assaulted by a very distinct memory of Emmett Cullen and…

"Oh God, Edward," I said aloud. My heart stuttered and not in the good way it did when I had first met him, when his beauty and dazzling smile would stupefy me and send my heart off to the races.

"Bells, are you okay?" Alice called in.

_NO!_ I thought. "Yeah, uh, the shampoo slipped."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go back to sleep. Sorry about that."

My hands shook as I finished washing, and they weren't shaking because of the sporadic shakes that would overtake my limbs since the accident. _Am I ready to deal with this?_ I asked the voice in my head.

_No, not yet. Get dressed, go to work, do your thing. School starts in less than a month, you'll be busy enough to forget it all again._

_Emma would have been starting second grade this year_, I thought sadly before shaking the thought away. The voice was right:_ keep busy and forget. Go numb. Don't let him destroy you again._

Thankfully, work was busy with customers and I found two shipments of movies in the back that someone had neglected to tell me about. I suspected Tyler, since Alice and Jasper loved going through the new movies that came in. They wanted first pick.

There were also requests to kit out two stag parties and one bachelorette. By the time Jasper came in to work his shift, I was feeling more like myself and most of the nagging thoughts of him were gone.

Rosalie and Alice were doing manis and pedis when I finally got home. They had transformed my beautiful bathroom into a beauty salon/spa.

"Tub's ready for you, Bells. I did a Green Tea, jasmine infusion with a hint of lavender; should be the perfect temperature now. Just turn on the jets."

What had I ever done to deserve a best friend like Alice? Her intuitive nature came in handy on days like this one.

"Alice, you are a goddess," I said, stripping down. I had lost most of my inhibitions when it came to my body when I had been in the hospital and the rehab centre. So many people had poked, prodded, and seen my body in various states of undress that it was nothing to drop trou in front of the girls.

"Ahh…" I sighed as I slid into the water. Alice flipped on the jets and I let them pummel me into a gooey mess. "What's the special occasion?"

"Rosie has a date!" Alice said, squealing.

"What? Really? Who with?"

Rosalie blushed, which was such an uncharacteristic thing for her to do. "Uhm, your friend Emmett."

My body shot upward, my eyes staring widely at them. _Emmett…Edward…oh shit…_

Rosalie, looking worried, reached over and ran her hand over my cheek. "You okay, Kitten?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, sorry. I'll apologize for any further outbursts I might have; I am brain fart central right now. The details of last night are sketchy at best. Em's a great guy, Rosie. Go easy on him, he's a big softy."

"Why didn't you introduce us sooner? You've been holding out on me."

Alice cuffed Rose on the back of the head. "Shh."

I groaned and dropped under the water. Frantic hands pulled me back up above the fragrant bubbles. Raising my hands in surrender, I wiped the bubbles from my eyes. "I wasn't drowning myself, guys, honest."

"I'm sorry, Kitten, I wasn't thinking," Rose said, wiping some bubbles from my nose.

"I can't expect you guys to walk on eggshells around me. It's okay. Like I said, Em's a great guy and I'm happy he's back in my life. I've really missed him. He…he and Esme never left my side after…" I swallowed the lump crawling up my throat, "after the accident. Emmett was at my bedside the entire month I was in the coma, and he came to physio with me every day when I was at the rehab hospital. He helped with my occupational therapy and even got in the pool to help with some of my sessions. If it wasn't for him, well, I'd probably still be in a wheelchair, or worse. He, well, he never gave up on me, and never let me give up on myself."

A tear tracked down my cheek. "He saved me when no one else could or would, and I bailed on him without saying goodbye. I can't even begin to understand how he can still care about me. I don't deserve it." I felt like such an asshole at that moment. It was true, Emmett had never left me. I may not have consciously known he was there, but I always felt him near.

Alice held out a towel. "Come on, toots, you're sitting in a tub of tepid water with tears on your face. My baths are supposed to cheer people up, not make them cry."

"I'm sorry, guys, I really am. I'm such a mess…God, why did I have to be working last night? Why did they have to come into my store? Everything was fine before now."

"Uh, well, I wouldn't say that, exactly," Alice said quietly as she wrapped the towel around my trembling body. "You've had nightmares since the day I met you; you insisted Jazzy and I move in with you when you bought the house, and you are non-functional every April 15th. I'm sorry, B, but you're not fine. You're hurting and by not talking about it or dealing with it, you're making it worse."

What the….where was this coming from? Alice had never talked to me like this before. "You didn't have to move in, Alice," I replied bitterly as I tightened the towel and stalked off. "If I'm such a mess, why did you move in? I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

Anger and sadness bubbled up and I knew I was on the verge of another meltdown and there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted to slam a door, punch something, or scream, so I grabbed the handle of my bedroom door and slammed it repeatedly.

* * *

_**Alice POV**_

Rosalie and I stood back and watched the usually calm, cool, and collected Bella fall to pieces.

"Stupid," *slam* "fucking," *slam* "truck," *slam* "ruined," *slam* "my" *slam* "life."

Rose moved toward her, but I stopped her. "Let her get it out."

"Does this happen a lot?" She had been lucky to not be privy to one of Bella's massive meltdowns. She'd seen plenty of smaller ones, but not many of the door-slammers.

"No, not as much as it used to. I think that seeing Edward has really done a number on her."

Bella's towel fell off leaving her naked, crying, and slamming the door. We looked on helplessly, riding it out.

"Hello?"

"Oh, shit! Emmett!" Rosalie said.

Before we could stop him, he walked in. His jaw dropped at the sight of Bella.

"Aw, Jesus," he said. "How long?"

I looked at my Mickey Mouse watch and sighed. "Five minutes. I'm giving her two more."

"Edward's usually last about nine and a half minutes."

"Really? He does the same thing?"

Sighing, Emmett put his hand on my shoulder. "I think that if you and I sat down and compared notes we'd find that we've lived similar lives, Little One."

Maybe Emmett could shine some light on this. Maybe he could help me find some hope for Bella. "Will it ever end?"

"They need to talk."

"I know, but…oh, there she goes," I stopped as I watched Bella slump to the ground. "I should…"

Emmett held up a hand. "Let me. You go help that pretty Rose clean up her tears and I'll deal with Baby Girl. Where's her robe?"

I pointed to the bed, before taking Rose to the bathroom.

"Oh, and Rose? You're beautiful even with the tear tracks on your cheeks, even though it kills me to see them there. Someone so gorgeous should never have to cry," he called out after us.

Rosalie blushed. "Thanks, Emmett."

* * *

_**Emmett POV**_

Grabbing the baby blue fleece robe from the bed, I walked over to where Bella was crying on the floor. "Here, Baby Girl, let me put this on you. We don't want you catching cold."

"Em? What…oh shit. I blew up, didn't I?"

I spoke in soothing tones to her, not wanting to upset her any further, or cause her any embarrassment. "Yeah, but you're okay, right? Do you feel better?"

"Now that you're here, yeah. I'm hurting, Emmy, can you help me up?"

"Anytime, Baby Girl, anytime." I helped put her arms into the robe, then slowly pulled her to her feet. She wobbled, so I scooped her up and carried her over to the bed, where we sat down. I wrapped my arms around her and hummed her song.

"Stop," she whispered, "please don't hum that song…I can't…"

"Sorry, I forgot that _You are my Sunshine.._."

"Please," she pleaded with me again.

We remained quiet for a few minutes. Bella rested her head on my chest and sniffled, while I twirled a lock of her wet hair around my finger.

"How is he?" she finally said, whispering.

"About as good as you are."

"I hate him."

Looking in her eyes, I knew she was lying. "No, you don't."

She paused. "No, I don't. I'm confused; I don't know what to do."

"You need to talk."

"Not yet."

"Soon, then? Can I still visit you?"

"Always," she said, smiling up at me.

"I need to go check on my date. Will you be okay? Want us to stay here tonight?"

"HELLS NO!" she exclaimed, slapping my arm. "She's crazy about you. Don't tell her I said that, but she's been talking about you all day."

There was no stopping the smile that crossed my face. "I'm pretty crazy about her too."

"And I'm just crazy," she said, sadly.

"Aw, Bella, you're just insanely sad. Oh, hey, Fred, come sit with your Momma; she's sad."

At the word _Momma_, Bella started to cry again and Fred scampered under the bed. "I'm nobody's Momma anymore, Em."

"Shit, Baby Girl, I'm so sorry. Look, I'm going to tell…"

"No! Go on your date. I'm going to take some valium and go to bed. I'm tired, sore, and still hung-over. I'll be fine."

How could I possibly leave her like this? "Will you promise to call if you need me?"

"Yes."

"Pinky swear?"

"Fine, pinky swear."

After we hooked pinkies, I pulled her in for another hug. "Okay, then. Can I get you anything?"

"I think I left a shred of modesty over by the door," she shuddered. "I can't believe you saw me naked again."

"It's okay, kiddo."

"Thanks, Em. You know I love you, right?"

"Right back atcha."

I kissed the top of her head and reluctantly left the room to find my date.

* * *

_**Edward**_

I paced outside the video store, unsure if I should go in or not. What if she was there and freaked out again? My hands reflexively raked roughly through my hair and as I exhaled loudly.

"Um, yeah, are you going to come in or just act like a crazy man outside my store? You're scaring away the customers."

I jumped at the sound of a quiet and uncomfortable-sounding Southern drawl behind me.

"Sorry, look, I'm…"

"What do you want, Edward?"

"Jasper. Oh, hi. I, uh…shit…" What DID I want? What WAS I looking for?

"Spit it out. What. Do. You. Want?" Jasper wasn't mincing words, he meant business.

"I don't know."

His eyes squinted angrily at me. "You show up here, not knowing if she's even working tonight and you don't know what you want? Bravo, Cullen, bravo. What if she had been working? What would you have done? Didn't you do enough already? I had to sleep in her bed last night because of you, you coward. How dare you show up here? Were you looking to finish the job?"

"Job?"

"Yeah, you didn't destroy her enough way-back-when so you're here to totally annihilate her?"

I was confused. "Are you her boyfriend?"

Jasper leaned back against the dirty storefront, crossing his arms in front of him. "What I am to her is none of your business."

I watched nervously as the guy in front of me switched positions again, moving to stand before me, his fists clenched. Aw, shit, he's going to tear me a new one now. I deserve it, though.

"Look," I said, as I began pacing in front of the hot pink neon in the window, "I would understand if you want to kill me, or maim me, but I didn't come here with the intention of hurting her. I…I need to talk to her. This has gone on long enough. I…I royally fucked up and I know that I ruined her. I am prepared to live with my own pain, but I can't endure another moment knowing she's a mess and I'm to blame. Believe it or not, I still…I still love her."

I fought back the tears as I approached the seething man before me. "If you feel the need to hit me, I will welcome it gladly. I have been hurting for so long it will be a relief to feel something else for a while."

Jasper relented, his fists relaxing by his side. "No, I'm not going to hit you—yet—but, dude, I gotta know how you could do that to Bella? I mean, I've only known her for four years, and she's the second most incredible woman on the planet; the first being my Alice."

Ah, he's Alice's boyfriend. "You're right, Jasper. Look, I know you don't owe me anything," I paused to take a deep breath, turning back to Jasper, "if anything, I owe you so much, but can we go inside and talk? I don't think that talking about this in front of a neon sign advertising XXX movies and a display of edible underpants is really appropriate."

Jasper checked his watch. "Better yet, why don't I close up and we go for a beer. Come on in while I cash out."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet; I haven't made up my mind yet as to whether I'm going to kick your ass. Now, come on; let's lock this place up before some wayward pervert decides he needs porn before bed."

I followed him in and jumped a little when he locked the door.

"Easy, Edward, I'm not going to hurt you—yet. Why don't you reach into the mini fridge under the counter and grab us each a beer while I count my cash and run the day-end reports?"

"You keep beer behind the counter?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Bells and I may run a tight ship, but we appreciate that sometimes beer is a necessary thing to have at the office. Why don't you cop a squat on the counter over there and tell me why, after all these years, you're haunting my girl?"

Where was I going to find a space on the counter to sit? It was covered with stuff. I pushed aside a stack of magazines, most of which boasted to have the _biggest boobs for your buck_. I shuddered before hopping up. "Um, well, to be honest, we haven't known Bella's whereabouts for the past four years. When she got out of rehab, she stayed with my folks for two weeks, and then vanished. No note, no call, nothing. My mother freaked out, and had a nervous breakdown because she was so upset. My father called me to come home."

The memory of finding my mother near-catatonic, curled up on her bed caused me to shiver. "She seemed to snap out of it long enough to hit me when she saw me. _It's all your fault! She left because of you! I lost my best friends, my granddaughter, my son, and now my daughter! _She'd screamed that and a lot worse things as she pummeled me."

My head hung down in shame. "She was right, though, it was my fault that Bella left."

"Why did you leave?" Jasper said, looking back from the computer screen.

"I panicked."

"You panicked? Oh, dude, you've got to be kidding? I should punch you now."

"You should. I whole-heartedly agree."

"What?" he looked back at me again, through his mop of blonde hair, his confusion clearly evident in his furrowed brows, which were just barely visible behind his bangs.

"I deserve to have the shit thoroughly kicked out of me after what I did. I was in shock, I freaked out."

Jasper's body language was hard to read; his shoulders slumped momentarily before he tensed up again. "You left her. She almost died and she had lost so much already. How could…"

How was I going to explain this to him? I sat on the counter and swung my legs back and forth for a moment before I spoke next. "Jasper, do you have kids?"

"No."

"You love Alice, right?"

It was easy to see that he did. The smile that lit up his eyes when he replied said it all. "Yeah."

"Well, take that love and multiply it by about a billion and you'll still never understand what it feels like to have a child." I smiled at the thought of my baby girl, laughing, playing with Bella, telling me that she _wuvs_ me.

"Now, imagine how hard it would be to lose Alice, to have someone tell you she's dead and you'll never see her again. Now, multiply that feeling by a billion and you'll still not understand the pain of losing a child." My smile was short-lived because the next memories that assaulted me were of her tiny coffin being lowered into the soft ground, the overwhelming silence at the house, and the complete and utter heartache that still held me in a vice grip. I wrapped my arms around my torso to hold myself together.

Jasper got up from the computer terminal and moved toward me, but I put my hand up. "No, look, Jasper; Emma was our little ray of sunshine. She was the reason we existed, the reason the sun rose and set. We all revolved around this beautiful, sweet, innocent, red-headed child with eyes so dark and brown you could drown in them. I've always loved Bella, and yes, having a baby at the age of sixteen was rough, but the second I saw Emma, it was as if the depths of my soul opened up into a bottomless pit of love. I'd never felt so alive, so loved, and so right until I held her for the first time. She was our beautiful surprise, and she was loved from the get-go.

"Can you imagine how hard it was to only have two years with our angel? We were only getting to know her and she was gone.

"Because Bella was in a coma, I was the one who had to bury my baby. I had to make the arrangements while my parents had to bury their best friends. I was pissed off that Bella left me to do this alone."

"But…"

"I had to pick out the dress for my baby to wear when they buried her. I had to pick out which of her favourite stuffed animals she would have…oh God…"

My shoulders heaved with the sobs that tore through me. Jasper hugged me, trying to lend me some strength and surprisingly, I allowed it.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I managed to choke out, "this isn't your burden to bear. You don't even know me. Why are you being so nice after all I've done to Bella?"

Jasper stepped back, a tear trailing down his cheek. "Why? Because you're just as broken as Bella and no one, not even you, deserve to grieve like this. I'm not immune to your pain, buddy, I experience it every time Bella has a nightmare or a breakdown. Alice and I may not understand exactly what you two are going through, but it doesn't leave us unaffected.

"I'm trying really hard to be pissed at you, but I can clearly see that you're not really the bastard I always imagined you to be. You made a VERY shitty decision that hurt someone we both love, but you're just as destroyed as she is. Bella likes to pretend she's all better, but she's not. She needs closure; she deserves closure. You both do. It's bad enough that you had to bury a child, but it's something you should have done together."

There were a lot of conflicting things flying around my head at that moment; I was still somewhat angry with Bella for leaving me to do all the dirty work, and for upsetting my family so much. It was true that it wasn't her fault, she was in a coma and there was no way she could have helped me because she was too busy fighting to live.

How must Bella have felt when she finally emerged from her coma to find out that her parents and child were dead, and her supposed soul mate had bailed?

"Hello? Edward?"

"Oh," I replied, snapping out of his head. "Sorry. I tend to drift off sometimes."

He chuckled as he grabbed a bag from the counter and bent down to the small safe hidden underneath. "You and Bella both."

I was almost afraid to ask, terrified I had used up all of Jasper's compassion for the day, but I needed to know. "How is she, really? Physically, I mean, she looked okay in the brief moment that I saw her."

"Walk with me; I've spent too much time surrounded by silicone genitalia today." He directed me to the door. "Stay right here, I need to go set the alarm."

I laughed as he dashed to the back of the store. I heard the faint plink plink of the keypad, and watched as he ran toward the door. He slammed it shut, locked it, and beckoned for me to follow him. "You're alright, Jasper."

"The verdict is still out on you, Cullen."

"Understood, but just the same, I'm glad she had you and Alice."

He turned to look at me, smiling. "We are lucky to have her. She really is special and you are a total doofus for giving her up so easily."

"Duly noted, but it was never easy."

Jasper pointed to a park bench, where we sat. He lit a cigarette and offered one to me.

"No thanks, I don't really smoke."

He winked. "Me either; Alice'll skin me alive if she knows. So," he said, taking a drag, "you wanted to know how she's doing physically? Shit, man, I feel like I'm cheating on her. You've been the enemy for so long that this just feels so strange."

"Please?"

"Oh, hell, put away the puppy dog eyes. She talked about those. How did she put it? Something about not being able to resist your emerald green pools or some frou frou shit like that, and she mentioned that you'd taught Emma how to bat her lashes like a pro. Man, she never had a chance against you two, did she?"

I laughed. Emma had mastered the art of silent eye-pleading at a very young age, which made her all the more irresistible. "Dada," she'd say, "peas, Dada."

A pang of intense sadness threatened to crush me again, so I pushed it back. Some memories were easier to deal with than others.

"No," I said, sighing, "she really didn't have a chance."

The opening bars of _I Want To Sex You Up_ by Color Me Badd, lilted from Jasper's messenger bag. "That," he said, chuckling, "that would be Alice. Do I tell her I'm with you?"

"Sure. I've talked to her a little already."

"Hey baby, what's up?" Jasper listened intently, the cigarette falling from his lips. "Oh shit. Is she okay?"

This didn't sound good. "Is who okay?"

"Shit. Put her on the phone, would you, sweets?"

My palms began to sweat.

"Bella, honey, calm down. What happened?"

I tried to hear what she was saying. It sounded like high-pitched keening.

"Sweetie, calm the fuck down. Your valium is in the medicine cabinet. I'll be home soon. Put Alice on the phone."

He paused to listen to her, shaking his head sadly. "No, Bella, I'll be there soon. I'm just finishing up at the store. Please stop crying, honey."

Again he paused, this time snuffing out his cigarette with his boot. "Yes, honey, I love you too. Don't be sorry. It'll be okay."

He turned to me, his hand covering the phone. "She's having a panic attack. I'm going to have to go home. Can we do a rain check?"

"Of course. Is she okay?"

Jasper held up a finger. "Hi, Alice. I'm on my way. I'm with Edward outside the store," he rolled his eyes as she replied to him. "Yes, that Edward."

I could hear Alice's lilting voice and it didn't sound happy.

"No, I'm not bringing him home with me." He looked at me and mouthed _sorry_. "Look, give her one Valium and I'll be there in a few minutes. Just one though…I don't want her comatose again."

He disconnected the call and stood. "I'm really sorry, buddy, but she's freaking out. I don't know what triggered it; Alice said something about a bath. I don't know. Anyway, I'm needed at home. Give me your number because I really do want to finish this conversation."

"Thanks, Jasper."

"Take it easy, Edward."

* * *

_**Alice **_

"I can't breathe, Alice," Bella said, panting. "Why won't it stop?"

"I don't know, sweetie," I held Bella tight and tried to calm her down. "Slow breaths, you're hyperventilating. Jasper's on his way home. Did you want me to call Emmett?"

"NO!"

"Okay, come on, kitten, breathe with me. In…that's it…out…that's better."

"I'm drowning, Alice. He's drowning me."

You'd think that after the hundreds of panic attacks, the thousands of nightmares I'd be used to this, but it still broke my heart to see her fall apart like this. If this was going to become a common thing again, she was going to have to go back on the daily meds she'd been taking before. What if she fell apart at school?

I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. "No, he's not. You're just having a panic attack. I think you should go back on your regular meds; school is starting soon, you need to be able to function, and right now you're not."

"I don't like the medsss…" she slurred, the Valium finally taking effect. "I want my lie back."

"Not _lie_, sweetie, _life_," I said as I laid back on the bed with a floppy Bella.

"No, _lie_ is right. 'S easier to live the lie; living life hurts too much."

Bella's jaw went slack and she fell asleep. I listened attentively until her breathing slowed to a more normal rhythm.

"Hey," Jasper said, poking his head into the room. "Is she okay? I'm sorry it…"

"Shh…help me get her under the duvet."

It was a two-person job to get limp Bella settled in bed. We kissed her cheeks and left the room. Once in the hallway we slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Jasper pulled me into his lap and gave me a kiss. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"It's okay. Emmett had her calmed down, then he left and when she couldn't find the valium, she lost it."

"What set her off?"

"Well, obviously seeing Edward yesterday and then being around Emmett and talking about things probably knocked down her defenses. Rose asked her why she'd been hiding Emmett, who, by the way, is just about the sweetest guy after you, of course. Bella started talking about how Em had been at the hospital and the rehab every single day, and I think it opened up a flood of things.

"I might have mentioned something about her needing help or dealing or something."

"Jesus, Alice."

"We have to stop babying her. She'll never get better if we don't. Anyway, she started slamming the door. Emmett showed up and calmed her down, then he said something about her being Fred's Momma and she started crying again. She calmed down a little, until he left, then she lost it.

"I can't do this anymore, Jazzy," I said, my eyes filling with tears. We had been doing this entirely too long.

I remembered the first day I met Bella, in our dorm room. She was really shy, quiet, reserved, which is so the opposite of me. I was bursting with fruit flavour that I was finally away from my parents and living in residence; I couldn't stop bouncing around. But there was Bella, quietly folding her meager collection of clothes, smiling but not really, and just nodding her head. At first I worried that we were going to be a horrible match for roommates because she was just too subdued for my, how did she put it? Frenetic energy.

We went for dinner together that night, and then went for a walk on campus. I knew there was something wrong with this girl, but I couldn't figure out what it was. She walked with a strange gait; sort of a limp but not quite. Sometimes her words were slurred, and I noticed that she struggled with her fork during dinner. She was smart, though, and thoughtful, and that's what mattered. I knew after dinner that night that she and I would be the best of friends once I broke her out of her shell. She was guarded and needed to drop the wall.

I awoke to blood curdling screams that night. I didn't know what to do. She was thrashing, screaming, crying, and I felt helpless. I sat on my bed and cried as I watched it unfold. Eventually, I crawled into bed with her and held her, which seemed to work. Before she woke in the morning, I got out and went back to my own bed; I didn't want her to feel embarrassed when she woke up and found a strange girl in her bed.

That was the beginning of almost four years spent in Bella Swan's bed. There were times I was so sleep-deprived that I could barely function. Thank God for Rosalie Hale. If she hadn't come running one night to see what was going on and found me sitting on the floor sobbing because I was so damn exhausted and offered to take over, I probably wouldn't have made it through university. Rose agreed to switch off with me, especially during exams. When Jasper came along we both slept with her on the bad nights.

Jasper spoke and I hadn't even realized I'd drifted off into la-la land. "I know. Edward's no better. I know I'm supposed to hate him, but I can't; he's just as pathetic and broken as she is."

"I know; I talked to him too. They need to talk. Neither one of them will ever resolve it and it'll just get worse. I…can't deal with this for much longer; I love her to death, but my nerves are shot. Ideally, they'll talk, get it out in the open, deal with it, and she'll finally be able to move on. I just know that if we get them to talk that _this,"_ I gestured between us and her bedroom, "would probably stop and we could start trying to be a normal couple. Also, I believe very strongly thatwe need to find her a man, Jazzy, we need to take her mind off Edward."

"I couldn't agree more, them talking, but I don't think she'll agree to it. She's got too much anger. As for finding her a man?" my baby snorted at my suggestion. "I want no part in that. You've been trying for years to set her up and she just won't have it."

"With Emmett around now, it might be easier to get her to face Edward," I said, hopeful, "and when she gets done with him, she'll be ready for someone else."

"Yeah, I hope you're right, but I don't agree with meddling in her love life. Let's get one crisis sorted out before you cause another one." He yawned. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. Let's go to bed and we'll talk to Emmett tomorrow."

"I love you, Jazzy." And I did. Very much. I don't think it's possible to love someone more than I love Jasper Hale.

He nuzzled my upturned nose. "I love you more, Ali. So," he grinned evilly, "do I get to take you to our bed and ravage you, or are we spooning with Bella?"

I looked nervously into her room and saw that Fred was doing his pre-sleep-dance beside her on the bed. "We've got more than enough time for some ravaging, but I don't want her to wake up alone. I mean, Fred's in there, but he can only do so much. I'm also going to call Tyler to see if he'll cover tomorrow. We all need to get some shit sorted out.

"Now, take me and ravage me until I forget who I am."

Jasper stood quickly, cradling my tiny frame in his arms. "As you wish."

* * *

_**So, there's Chapter Three.**_

_**I hope you enjoyed it in all it's angsty glory. It was a tough one to write...kinda sad.**_

_**lulu-beth mentioned she thought I had something against Charlie and Renee since they seem to get killed off in my stories. I hadn't really thought of that, but she kind of makes a point. I don't hate Charlie, in fact, I like Charlie because he reminds me of my Dad, whom I miss very much. It's just that Charlie and Renee are the most expendable parents in the character list, and that is why they always seem to bite the dust in my stories. Seriously, I don't hate them.**_

_**I'm still sort of gathering data for my research paper on TwiFic and I have a couple of questions for you. Please feel free to drop me a PM with your reply, or you can leave it with your review. It's totally up to you. So, here it is:**_

**Do you make it widely known that you are into TwiFic (either as a reader or writer) or do you hide this fact?  
**

**What are people's reactions when you tell them?**

**Do you sometimes feel embarrassed when talking about Twilight or TwiFic to non-Twihards?**

**THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**_I'm sorry if this story has been making so many of you cry. I should probably warn you that this chapter is drowning in angst, but I promise it won't last forever._**

**_Okay, so that's a lie...you know I'm all about the angst, and Bella & Edward's problems aren't going to dissolve quickly like a packet of Benefiber in a glass of water. They have a lot of things to work through, as you can understand, and it's not going to be a cake walk._**

**_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, but I own tickets for New Moon on Thursday & Friday night and a Gold VIP pass for the Toronto TwiCon in July. _**

**A HUGE thanks to the trifecta of terrific: Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophila Tantrum**

**This chapter is brought to you by the letter A for Angst, Anger, Arguing, and ABBA**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Emmett **_

When I got home shortly after one, I was surprised to find Edward waiting up for me. He looked a mess; his already unruly hair was even more dishevelled than usual, his eyes were red and swollen, his right leg was bouncing a mile a minute and his lip was bleeding.

"What happened? Did you get in a fight?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"I…I…uh…well…I went to talk to…Jasper." He nervously played with the hem of his shirt.

"How do you know Jasper?"

"He practically carried you into the house last night, dumbass."

"Oh yeah," I said. Some of the events of the previous night were still a bit of a blur to me. I took off my shoes and walked to the fridge to grab a beer. Cracking it open, I chugged back at least half of it. I knew the conversation we were about to have was going to be tough. I grabbed a second one so I wouldn't have to get up again, and went to sit with Edward. "Spill it, bro."

"Jasper and I talked about…things…and he made me think about some things…and…hey, are you going to give me that beer or not?"

"No. I'm willing to bet that you've had at least one or two of your happy pills and you know that one beer plus happy pills equals messy Eddie."

"Hell, Em," he grumbled.

"How many?" I asked, almost afraid to know the number. I begged my father to stop letting the doctors prescribe that shit to him, but no one would listen. I bet they would if they had to spend a night with him like this.

"Three."

I shook my head and was dreading the answer to the next question because I had a feeling I knew the answer. "Which kind?"

"Rivitrol."

Crap, Rivitrol was the one anti-anxiety medication that I didn't want him taking right now; it always made him so wonky and out of it. "Aw, geez, Edward, how are you even awake? One Rivvie usually knocks you on your ass."

He raked his fingers through his hair. Dude is going to be bald by the time he's thirty if he keeps this up. "I'm a wreck. I've got a lot on my mind."

"You've worried a hole in your lip again, little brother."

Edward raised a shaking finger to his lip and cursed when he saw blood. He walked unsteadily toward the kitchen. "Emmett, I need to talk to Bella."

"You're damn right you do, kiddo."

He returned to lean against the old brown recliner with a cloth held to his lip, and a beer in his other hand.

I tried pleading with him. "Dude, I'm begging you; no booze."

"Please, Em, I'm having a hard night. I heard her, Emmett; she was having a panic attack. Jasper had to run home to calm her down."

I sat up straight. "What time was that?"

"About two or three hours ago."

"Shit. She was having one when I went over to pick up Rosie. I thought I'd calmed her down. Jesus." I ran my fingers through my short hair, frustrated.

Edward seemed to have a moment of clarity. "I'm so sorry, Em, how did your date go?"

"It was great. That Rosie's a real firecracker." I smiled broadly at him. After I managed to get Rosie calmed down after the Bella debacle, we went out to eat at a quasi-fancy restaurant where I couldn't pronounce half of what was on the menu, but man, did it taste good; and so did she. While we waited for our food, I snacked on her hand, her neck, her cheek. I worried that maybe she wasn't liking it, that perhaps I was moving too fast, but when I felt her hand on my thigh, I knew I was golden. I wasn't even paying attention to the food they brought us; I was too focused on the beauty beside me. This was the girl I was going to marry; there was no doubt in my mind.

Edward cocked an eyebrow. "Why are you home so early?"

Oh, shit, Edward's talking to me. Oops. "We're going to take it slow."

Beer shot out of his mouth and nose, causing him to choke. I ran over and pounded him on the back. "Breathe brother; come on, cough it out."

"I'm...cough…okay…cough," he said, continuing to choke.

"Am I to assume that my baby brother is shocked by my statement?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Why? Why is that so hard to understand?" I teased. I knew that my reputation as a smooth-talking, womanizer preceded me.

"Hello?" he said, knocking on my head. "Manwhore?"

I laughed so loud that Edward jumped. "My manwhore days are over. I told you that I almost banged one of my student's mothers, right? I can't chance that happening again. Besides, I really like her. I don't want to mess it up."

"Aw, my big brother is growing up! I'm so proud!" he joked, his words starting to run together.

"Seriously, it's different with her; there's a connection or something."

He rolled his drooping eyes. "Yeah, between you and her tits last night."

Silence filled the room as my eyes glazed over and a smile lit up my face. "Mm…Rosie does have great tits, doesn't she?"

Edward rolled his eyes again. "Anyway, back to Bella; what happened to ssset her off?" He started slurring his words a bit. Shit. I was in for it soon.

My Rosie-glow faded quickly. "I'm not sure. Rose thinks she said something that upset her. When I got there, she was screaming and slamming a door. Naked. Sound familiar?"

"You saw her naked? You saw MY Bella naked?" Edward leaped unsteadily to his feet.

"Easy, there, little brother. I've probably seen her naked more than you have. I was the one who had to help dress her some days. I was the one who had to help her wipe her ass when her arms wouldn't work."

And I had. When Bella started coming out of the coma, she was useless. I figured that people just sort of woke up from a coma and went on with things; at least that how it always worked on TV. I found out the hard way that no, that's not how it works at all. Bella had been completely unresponsive for about three or four weeks; just a body on a bed, but then one day when I was talking to her, her hand squeezed mine. Dad had said it was probably a reflex action, but I knew Baby Girl was still in there somewhere. I began asking her every chance I had to squeeze my hand, or to open her eyes. I tapped on her forehead because I knew it drove her crazy. I just wanted to get an actual reaction out of her. Over the next few days her grip on my hand got stronger and she was responding a little bit better to my requests. I would ask her to squeeze and a couple of minutes later, she would.

"Did I tell you that it was five weeks after the accident that she finally opened her eyes and looked right at us? Mom and I both cried and hugged each other. A week later she was able to respond to questions with blinks. Two months to the day that it had all happened, she said her first word: _Emma_. It sounded more like Eh-a, but we knew what she was saying; she was asking where Emma was. Any time we would show her photographs of people, she always pointed at Emma. Then she would point at you and say, _Ed-ard._

"We weren't exactly sure how to tell her. Finally, Mom couldn't take it anymore, and against the doctors' opinions, she told her. It was then that I thought for sure we were really going to lose Bella. She wouldn't look at anyone, she wouldn't try to talk, and she wouldn't squeeze our hands. She stared blankly at the ceiling for a week, tears streaming intermittently down her cheeks as she lay there."

Edward sobbed and I smiled sadly at the memory I was about to impart on him. "One day she snapped out of it, looked at me and said in a tiny voice, _help, Em, _and I vowed I would.

"Edward, buddy, you don't know the half of what we went through with Bella, and what she had to endure. I know I've told you some things over the years, but really, dude, you have no idea. Mom said not to tell you, that you were too fragile, but you need to know. I'm not going to bombard you all at once, but dude, she couldn't move by herself. She couldn't hold her head up, move her hands to wipe her tears, she couldn't feed herself, and again, she couldn't wipe her own ass when they finally took her off the liquid diet.

"I carried her around like a rag doll until we were able to get some muscle tone back. Some days she'd lay there and beg me not to touch her because she was hurting so bad. She'd lay on the bed and fight to find a way to say the words she needed to say."

I looked over at Edward, who was sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth, crying. I was pushing him too far, I knew it, but he needed to know. It should have been him there, not me. Not that I wouldn't have done it, because I would do anything for Baby Girl.

"Did I ever tell you about the rages? Huh? She would get so frustrated, so angry, that she would fly into these rages and she would hit, bite, kick, scream at anyone who was nearby. She called me and Mom some of the worst names, and it hurt, but Dad told us that it wasn't her fault, that rages like that came part and parcel with the type of head injury that she had.

"Some days she'd forget what had happened and we'd have to tell her. Again and again, we'd have to break the news to her that Emma and her parents were dead and you had left. We had to watch her fall apart every time and try to piece her back together.

"Then there were the times she'd ask what she'd done to make you leave. She couldn't understand that it wasn't her fault and I don't think she does even now. How the hell was I supposed to explain that to her? A person with a normal brain would have a hard time processing that kind of information, but what about her? Her brain was mangled, she had a hard time processing the concept of up and down, so how was she going to grasp the fact that you were a coward and it was you and it wasn't anything she'd done."

Edward tugged at his hair as he listened to me speaking. "Enough," he croaked.

Pulling his hands away from his head, I knelt down and got in his face so all he could see was me because I needed him to focus. "Get it together, Edward. You can't hide from it anymore. It's been almost five years and I'm not going to let you do this. You owe it to Bella to suck it up and face her. She deserves to understand why you ran out on her when she needed you most."

Edward's breathing became laboured and I knew from experience that things were about to get bad. I was kicking myself because I had gone too far; this one was my fault. I hoped he was too tired to do any door slamming or throwing of inanimate objects as he sometimes did when he was in full meltdown mode.

Panic attacks for Edward came in two forms: he'd either seize up, struggle to breathe, and sometimes pass out, or he'd pull what Bella did and start slamming things or biffing things around. I think the latter was more an angry outburst and by the way he was going all google-eyed on me, I could tell that this would be a standard, _can't-catch-my-breath-oh-my-god-I'm-dying_ panic attack. The problem was that I couldn't give him any more pills, he'd had too many, and he'd been drinking. I don't think he realized just how dangerous it was for him to mix them, and I didn't want to deal with him overdosing again, even if this time it wasn't intentional.

"Aw, shit, Edward." Fuck, not this again. "Calm down; you've had too many pills tonight and you shouldn't have been drinking, you're going to have to ride this panic attack out."

"Can't…I…I…can't face her…" he gasped.

My arms are getting a good workout tonight, I thought as I pulled my younger brother into a hug. "Come on, kiddo, it doesn't have to be this hard. Pull it together. You're not alone. We'll all be there to help."

"Why?"

"Why? Because you two aren't the only ones hurting. Alice has been holding Bella together for years, so have Jasper and Rosalie. It's hard on them; they're always worried, walking on eggshells. From what I understand, she'd been doing a lot better, and only freaking out on the anniversary of the crash and Emma's birthday."

"Then," he said shakily, "then she saw me."

"Yup. Breathe, buddy, your lips are turning blue. Everything is going to be okay. Calm down."

"Pill, please?"

"No. No more pills."

Edward was shaking. "Please," he pleaded, gasping, "I'm…I'm hurting."

"I know you're hurting, we're all hurting, you self-centered prick."

Pushing away from me, Edward fell to the floor and curled up in a ball, grabbing his sweat pant-clad legs and rocking back and forth.

"Do I have to call Dr. Whitlock?" I said, pulling my phone from my pocket.

"No. Just give me a pill so I can sleep," he replied in a breathy whisper.

"Damn it, Edward, how the hell are you going to make this right if you go fetal when you think about it? I told Mom we should have made you face it back then, drag you back from Alaska instead of mollycoddling you. I wish you would get a grip and face up to what you did."

Getting down on my knees, I looked Edward in the eye. "You ran like a coward when Bella needed you. You couldn't handle the heat, so you left the kitchen. I know you lost your baby, but you still had Bella and you flaked on her. She had nothing when she woke up, you left her with nothing, you selfish little shit! You need to man up and do the right thing. I'm tired of cleaning up after you, little man, and I'm not going to do it for much longer. Emmett Cullen is getting pretty sick and fucking tired of being the fall guy. I have babied you long enough."

Edward tried to say something but I stopped him. "I don't want to hear any excuses. No more. There is NO excuse for what you did."

"I know," he said through blue lips.

"Breathe, damn it. You're going to pass out on me again and I'm not carrying you to bed." I slapped Edward's face when his eyes began to droop. "Snap out of it. You're stronger than you think."

Obviously, he wasn't. He passed out, and being the big pansy that I am, I picked his sorry ass up and carried him to bed. I pulled his t-shirt shirt and pants off, removed my own, and crawled into bed with him, too afraid I'd come in in the morning and find he'd stopped breathing overnight.

* * *

_**Bella **_

"Alice?" I asked, poking her lightly.

"Mm?"

"What happened?" I felt like I was in a bubble.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep."

"Okay." The drugs were really doing a number on me and sleep wasn't hard to find again.

* * *

_**Edward**_

"Edward?"

I heard my brother's muffled voice and when I tried to answer him, the only thing that left my mouth, which suddenly felt like it was full of cotton balls was, "Mm?"

"Just checking to see if you're still alive."

"Mm-hmm."

"Go back to sleep."

"M'okay."

* * *

_**Bella**_

I snapped out of my fog sometime after dawn. Sometimes the combination of the panic attacks and the drugs I took to ease them made me feel like I lived in a bin full of cotton ball quicksand and it was hard to pull myself out of it.

Looking to my left, I saw Alice curled around me, her small, pointy face pulled into somewhat of a grimace. She was twitching a little bit, and I wondered what she was dreaming about. To my right was Jasper, who was also wrapped around me and his face was also looking pained. I realized at that point that neither one of them was touching the other. I slowly extricated myself from their hold so as not to wake them up completely, but rouse them enough to get them into another position.

Like two magnets, the moment I was out of the way, they groped for the other and as soon as they joined up, their faces relaxed, and I think I heard them sigh. It was really cute, almost sickeningly so, just how attuned to each other they were. Jasper pulled Alice into him, nuzzled her hair, and mumbled something inaudible. It was hard not to smile, because their love was palpable, and it would stand the test of time, tragedy, and anything else the fates could throw their way.

I knew the feeling of love like that. It was the way I used to feel about Edward.

What was I going to do about that? I hadn't even spoken to him yet, and I was already a disaster area. Dealing with Emmett was hard enough, but worthwhile because I NEEDED Emmett in my life. Em was my rock. He always had been and I knew he always would be, even though I left him high and dry at a horrible time.

Wait.

Shit.

As I looked in the mirror, I didn't see my tangled mane of mahogany hair, or the bloodshot brown eyes, I saw a hypocrite.

And I didn't like it one bit.

* * *

_**Alice **_

The unbelievable smell of vanilla wafting through the house woke me from a deep sleep the next day. I smiled, stretched, yawned, and rolled over to face Jasper. It was hard to resist, so I didn't; I stuck a finger up his nose, inciting an annoyed grunt.

"Aliiii," he groaned. "What's your damage?"

"Waffles."

Both of my baby's beautiful blue eyes shot open. "Waffles? Really?"

I smiled. "Yup."

"Oh, thank God! Does that mean it's over?"

"I hope so. Let's get up and see."

"But we don't have to work today. I want to sleep in," he whined sleepily.

The sound of ABBA playing in the kitchen made us both smile.

"It's over!" he exclaimed, jumping from the bed.

If there was one incredibly wonderful thing about Bella, it was that she was predictable. When she was struggling, she wouldn't eat, wouldn't cook, and would only listen to depressing music. When the crisis was over, she could be found in the kitchen, having a dance party while cooking. The sight that greeted us as we entered the kitchen was a sure sign that she was feeling better; she was dancing around in her red plaid pyjama pants, a tank top, and singing Waterloo into a wooden spoon as she monitored the waffle maker.

I squeezed Jasper's hand before running to Bella's side to twirl her around as we danced and sang. Jasper sashayed over to answer the knock at the door and returned with his sister. The four of us danced and sang until Bella declared that breakfast was served.

Each one of us gave her a hug and a kiss before sitting down to eat.

"Someone's feeling better by the look of things, am I right?"

"Yup, much. Thank you," she said, taking a drink of her orange juice.

"Good. We were getting worried," Rosalie added.

"I know. I really am sorry. This all has to be so unfair to you guys."

"Well..." I started, but before I could finish, Bella interrupted me.

"I have an announcement, and I need to say it now before I change my mind," Bella said seriously.

Six very nervous eyes stared at her.

She puffed out her chest, took a deep breath, and said with conviction, "I am ready to talk to Edward."

* * *

_**Emmett**_

I held the phone away from my face as I spit the milk from my Cheerios across the room. "She's what?"

Rosalie said it again, as incredulous as she had been the first time she said it. "She's ready to talk to Edward. I know; Jasper choked on his waffles when she made her big announcement."

"She made waffles? Man, I miss her waffles," I added sadly.

"She saved you some."

"Tell her I love her," I said, smiling. "So, when does she want to do this?"

"As soon as possible."

"Well, we had a bad night last night. Really bad. He'll probably sleep most of the day. I'll let him know when he gets up."

"Thanks. Oh, and thanks for last night. I had a great time."

"Me too. Can I see you today? I...I...uh...shit, Rosie, I miss you." What the hell was up with me being all Edward-like and sensitive?

"I miss you too. I'll see you when you bring your brother over."

"Okay, I'll call when he's up and functional."

Oh good Lord, what have we got ourselves into?

Edward woke up a couple of hours later. I waited a minute or two before I told him. His reaction was similar to my own, minus the Cheerio spittle flying across the room.

"She what?" Edward asked, half-asleep, as he scratched his bare chest. "She really wants to see me?" Plunking his butt down on the bar stool, he ran his hands through his hair. "Well, holy shit; I don't know what to think."

Being the caring, conscientious, and somewhat nervous older brother that I am, I thrust a cup of coffee and a Paxil at him. "You need to think about what you're going to say and how you're going to handle her anger, because, dude, she's got years of wrath to unleash on your ass. I'd wear a protective cup if I were you."

"Not funny, bro. Shit! I wasn't expecting her to want to see me this soon."

I slid a bowl of Cheerios in front of him. "Eat up, kiddo, you're going to need it. Today's gonna be long day."

* * *

_**Alice **_

Bella and I were sitting on our swings in the back yard. They had been one of the big selling points of the house; Bella loved nothing more than to lose herself while pumping her way up into the sky.

"Are you nervous?" I asked.

"Nope."

What? "Not at all?"

"Nope."

I stopped swinging and watched as Bella went higher and higher. She looked okay, she sounded okay, but was she really?

"What?" Bella asked as she flew past me.

"Forgive me if I'm confused, but not twelve hours ago, you were a hot mess. Now you're all Dali Lama Zen. Please forgive my bewilderment."

"Zen? HA!" Bella punctuated the statement with a powerful leap from the swing. She landed several feet from where she started and rolled on the ground.

"Bella! Are you okay?" I yelled, launching myself after her, landing gracefully nearby. "Bella?"

"Chill, Alice, I'm fine. Zen, though? Far from it. There are a million thoughts rushing through my head right now, however, my primary objective is to keep from killing him. I'm going to try to keep an open mind."

"Why now?"

Bella huffed as she pulled grass from the ground. "I'm dying inside and taking you and Jasper with me. I need to put this to an end; I need to wash Edward Cullen out of my hair. I need to move on. Do you realize it's been five years since I've had sex with something not made of silicone? If I have any hope of finding a man and having a healthy relationship, I need this to end."

I sighed loudly before speaking again. "You still love him." It was a statement, not a question.

"I think I always will, but I don't think I can trust him. Without trust there's nothing."

Taking Bella's hand into my own, we lay there, watching as the clouds passed overhead. I hoped that maybe it would help center her so she could do this without falling apart. I really struggled to understand how and why she was remaining so calm. But she did, as she lay there on the ground in her jeans, flannel shirt, and Converse with her eyes open, and a small smile on her face. Every now and then she'd close her eyes and hum a little, but just as quickly she would return to cloud-watching.

There was a light rustling behind us. "Um, hi, Bella."

I could have sworn that I heard Bella's heart stop when the velvet voice spoke from above. When I turned to look over at her, I locked eyes with a pale, but determined-looking woman.

"It's okay, Alice," she said quietly.

"I'll be in the house if you need me." I picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles before getting up.

Edward sat on my swing and smiled at me as I passed. For a brief moment I felt bad for him, so I patted his shoulder and for some reason, wished him luck.

* * *

_**Edward**_

Unsure of how to begin what I'd left off so long ago, I remained quiet as I swayed gently on the swing.

"Edward?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Sorry, you were so quiet I thought maybe you'd left."

I chuckled bitterly at the irony of her statement. "Yeah, I'm good at that."

She sighed heavily. "That's not what I mean, but yeah, I guess it works."

I didn't know what to say, how to start this, so I blurted out the truth in a voice so cracked I sounded like a pre-pubescent version of myself: "I don't know what to say, Bella."

"Come here," she said, patting the ground beside her. "Please?"

Quietly and very slowly, I made my way to her and sat on the grass.

"Look at me, Edward."

A painful lump prevented me from speaking so I shook my head. She grabbed my hand and pulled herself up so she was in front of me, face-to-face for the first time in five years. Oh, how I longed to reach out, touch her cheek, to kiss her, but that wouldn't happen because I couldn't bring myself to even look at her.

"Look at me, damn it!" She demanded loudly.

"I...I...can't," I managed to squeak out.

"Why? Am I that repulsive to you?"

"No, quite the contrary."

"Then what is it? Why won't you look at me?"

A stupid tear ran down my cheek. Bella wiped it up and held her wet index finger in my face. "I don't think so. You don't get to cry, not now. Why the fuck won't you look at me? Answer me!"

"It hurts, okay? I can't look at you because it hurts." Finally, some truth. It felt good to get it off my chest until I stole a glance at her and saw just how hurt she was.

"Why does it hurt?"

"Because I know I fucked up and..."

"And what?"

Silence. I couldn't say it. It was killing me.

"And what?" she repeated louder.

I finally raised my head, her brown eyes a reflection of the pain she felt over the profound loss she had experienced over the years. I finally found the balls to say it, although it came out entirely too quiet. "And I see her in you."

Something happened in that moment and the next thing I knew, Bella had flung herself into my arms, sobbing, and I wasn't far behind her. I felt safe in my assumption that all of the pain over Emma's death that we'd bottled up, was now finally pouring out as we were finally comforted by the only other person we knew who understood that our pain was valid; the only other person who truly understood our anguish.

"Why did you leave me, Edward?" she sobbed into my shoulder. "Why? Is it because you blamed me?"

Choking on my own tears and heaving sobs, I held her tighter and rocked us. "I'm a coward, and no, I have never blamed you, but I was mad that you got to sleep through the hard parts."

Bella pulled herself back and slapped me hard across the face. It stung like crazy, but I deserved it. I deserved so much more. I flinched a little, wanting to take her punishment like a man.

"HOW DARE YOU! I was dying and you left me. I wasn't sleeping, you stupid bastard, I was fighting to live, to come back to you. What do I find when I can finally make sense of things? I find that the four most important people in my life are gone! My mother, my father, my daughter..." She let out a wail before continuing, "...and the one person I foolishly thought that I could trust. The one who promised to look after me and his baby, our baby. Where the hell were you, Edward?"

"I was burying our baby," I said, before letting out a cry so utterly full of agony that by the look on her face, it physically hurt Bella. "I was picking out coffins and headstones and flowers. I was trying to do something no 18 year-old boy should have to do; bury his child and watch his girlfriend slip further away from him. I had a serious lapse of reasoning and I ran. I'm sorry, Bella, I've regretted this decision every day since I left and I was too scared to make it right because I know that I can never make it right. There is no excuse for what I did. I betrayed the woman I love."

She scoffed. "Love? Don't you mean loved?"

"No, Bella, I never stopped loving you."

She stood up. "Stop, please don't."

I couldn't stop, the floodgates were open and I selfishly needed her to know. "It's true. I love you, Bella."

"STOP IT!" she screamed.

Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie all ran outside. "Is everything okay?" Emmett asked.

Bella, tears and snot pouring down her face, pointed at Emmett. "HE stayed, Edward. Your own brother stayed and did what you didn't have the balls to do."

She cut me deep with that one. My foolish pride had already taken a huge beating after hearing Emmett tell me in great and gory detail about how he'd been there for her for everything. When I first came back he made damn sure that I knew. It was too much, so I began pounding my head with my fists and I started to shout. "Don't you think I know that? I FUCKED UP, BELLA! ROYALLY!"

Emmett knelt in front of me to stop my hands. "Easy, buddy. Calm down," he whispered.

"Why don't we move into the house?" Alice suggested as she reached for Bella's hand.

"NO!" Bella jerked away from Alice and took off, running into the wooded area behind the house.

"Shit," Jasper swore. "I'll go..."

"No, I will," I said, standing.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Alice asked. "I have a hard time seeing that anything good will come of this."

"We need to finish this—alone."

Before anyone could stop me, I ran after Bella and found her crouched against a tree, panting.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi," she whispered back.

"I realize you're mad at me; I don't blame you. I'm actually quite furious with myself. I made some very bad choices, but I can't change what I did. It happened and I haven't had a moment's peace since the second I opened the door and the police..." I choked up at the memory. "I've been a selfish prick, Bella. I didn't realize just how hard it would hit you; I thought that I was doing you a favour."

"A favour?" Her brown eyes were popping out of her head, but I wasn't sure if she was mad or shocked. Shit, I wish I could read her better; it would make things so much easier.

"If you survived, I figured you'd recover better, faster, easier, if I wasn't there as a constant reminder of what we'd lost." I didn't want her to resent me, to hate me, to think of Emma every time she saw me. Or, at least that's how I thought she'd react. I didn't want the accident to be our demise; however, it turns out it was me.

She exhaled loudly and scuffed her foot on the ground. "That's some seriously flawed reasoning, Edward."

My head fell forward until my chin hit my chest. "I know. What was it you used to say? _Smart as a whip, dumb as a post?_"

She laughed. "Something like that. You were always good in school, but your logic lacked substance. You always act first, think later." She patted the ground beside her. "Sit."

Sighing, I lowered myself to the ground beside her. "Can I ask you something? What happened that day? Do you remember anything at all?"

* * *

_**Bella **_

I winced at his question. Of course, I remembered that day, well, part of it at least. Charlie and Renee had taken Emma and me to visit some friends in La Push. We'd gone to the beach and Emma had collected some smooth, colourful stones to give her father. We had laughed a lot that day; it had been an almost perfect one, that is, until my memory goes blank. I tried for a long time to break through the black hole, but was discouraged by my therapist, who said that the brain knows what's good to remember and what's not.

"Yes, I do remember; at least almost everything … until the logging truck hit us."

"Can..."

"Not today, Edward."

He nodded sadly. "Okay. What was it like, though?"

What the hell was he asking me? "What was what like?"

"The coma."

"Oh, um, well, I don't know really. It was like I fell asleep and woke up a month later with a terrible hangover and the inability to do much of anything. I couldn't remember how to move or talk; my body wouldn't listen to me. I felt trapped. I have a few scattered _memories_ of people talking, but I really can't trust them to be anything but dreams."

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Bella," he sobbed with renewed sadness. "It should have been me by your side and not my brother."

"At least one Cullen man has the good sense God gave him," I said, chuckling bitterly. I wasn't letting him off the hook. I needed to be strong. "So, back to my question, I want to hear it again. Why did you leave and when did you realize just how epically you'd screwed up?"

"As I told you, I left because I was a coward, I couldn't deal with losing you too."

"You lost me in more ways than you know," I muttered.

"As for when did I realize I'd screwed up? The morning after I arrived in Alaska, when I woke up and knew that I couldn't go back and face my family, and even worse, you. That's when I realized that I'd totally blown it."

"We would have understood," I said quietly as I dug at the ground with a twig. "If you had come right back we would have forgiven you. I would have forgiven you."

It took a lot of balls on his part to ask the million dollar question, but he did it. "And now?"

I paused because I really didn't know how to answer it. Finally, I said it: "I don't know, Edward, I'm still really angry with you."

He nodded sadly. "I know. I don't blame you; I'm still pretty pissed at myself."

In a moment of total weakness, I leaned into him and sighed heavily. "Edward, I miss her so much."

"I do too. I can't stop thinking about her and how…"

"…she would have been starting second grade this year." We finished our thought at the same time.

Suddenly I couldn't stop talking. I revealed something to him I had no intention of mentioning. "I cried for the entire month of September last year when I saw the school buses. She should have been on one of them, dressed in a cute little jumper, her red hair in pig tails, Mr. Bunny Fou Fou dangling from her hand."

Edward choked, spluttered, and cried again. I wrapped him in my arms and held on to him tightly. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" he managed to get out between sobs.

"Frankly," I laughed quietly, "I have no idea."

I paused, shook my head, and sighed again. "I'm being compassionate because we both lost our baby, but that's it. I know the grief you have burning inside, I can and do feel it, and I hate that you're feeling it. I wouldn't wish this kind of agony on my worst enemy, including you."

_**Edward **_

A searing pain tore through my chest at the sound of her words and my lungs seized up. Bella was never going to forgive me and our child was gone. I'd known it for a long time, but the full reality of it all finally hit me.

"Edward, are you okay?"

I gasped for air and pulled at my hair. Not now, not now, please not now.

"Are you having a panic attack?"

She watched as I nodded frantically, my eyes growing large. I watched as she stuck her hand into her pocket and fished around for a moment, eventually producing a small prescription bottle. "Open up," she ordered, "it's Ativan, it'll help calm you down."

I did as she asked and felt her drop two tiny tablets under my tongue.

"Breathe, Edward, I don't need you passing out on me here in the woods."

She pulled me down so my head was in her lap and ran her fingers through my hair. I didn't know if it was a reflexive action or planned. Whenever I would get upset when we were younger she'd do it to help calm me down. I think she saw my mom doing it to me when I was little. It just became second nature for us to do when someone was upset.

I felt a jolt of electricity at her first touch. She continued speaking calmly to me, trying to soothe away the anxiety that had paralysed me. "Keep breathing, you'll be okay. In and out, buddy."

I remember how even when we were little, Bella was the nurturing one. When Emmett would pick on me, upset me, she'd be right there to pick up the pieces; making sure that everything was okay. If Emmett hurt himself, she would run to his side and try to help. When she was really little, she'd sit and cry with him if she couldn't make him feel better. When we started dating, she was still like a mother hen, and eventually, she was the only person who could calm me down.

Panic and anxiety had almost always been an issue for me; I was a nervous kid. I was skinny, red-headed, and an easy target for bullies growing up. Even with Emmett as a brother, he couldn't protect me all the time. I spent a lot of time being scared and panicked. Bella was the aloe for my emotional sunburns, well, up until I screwed everything up and left the one time I should have been there for her.

Bella stared down at me, and I took a fleeting moment to really look at her as I tried to steady my heart rate. She was still beautiful, of that there was no doubt, but it was easy to see that she'd been through something horrible. There were small, practically invisible white scars on her head, over her right eye, on her neck. The most noticeable features were the dark circles under her eyes, which mirrored my own. How many sleepless nights had I caused her? How could I have ever justified my actions as being necessary for her to heal? Oh god, strike me down now because I don't think I can carry this guilt much longer.

"That's it, Edward. Are you feeling better?"

The sound of her voice brought me back to the moment. My breathing had slowed to a more normal pace, but it was still ragged, and heavy with emotion. Being the pussy that I am; I whimpered into her lap. "I'm…I'm s-s-sorry…I th-th-thought I could…" I choked out.

"It's okay. Why don't we go back to the house before Emmett comes after us?"

I nodded weakly and yawned.

"Ativan's working, I see."

_**Bella**_

I shifted him so he was sitting up. His eyes were so swollen and sad that my heart broke a little. I don't know what possessed me, but I leaned in, and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. I felt a shock on my lips, not unlike the ones I used to feel whenever I came in contact with him oh so long ago. Shaking it off, I smiled at him. "Come on, big guy. Can you stand?"

"Yeah, I think so."

I stood and extended a hand to him, sucking in a hard breath when our hands touched; the electricity was stronger, and still very much there.

"No. No. No. Shit. No. Shit. I can't…" I stuttered as a familiar panic enveloped me in a cloak of lead. How could I have let my defenses down? Jesus Christ, what was I going to do? I started groping in my pocket again, pulled out the prescription bottle, and tried to open it.

Edward looked concerned, or rather, Edward looked full-blown worried. "Bella? What's happening? Are you…"

"Damnit!" I said, throwing the bottle to the ground when it wouldn't open. "Goddamnit!"

"What is it? Please, please tell me."

"Let's go," I said, reaching down to pick up the bottle.

Edward took it from my shaking hand and opened it. He tapped out two, motioned for me to open up, and placed them under my tongue. I closed my eyes and focused on the gritty feeling I had come to associate with an impending wave of calm.

Edward spoke. "Now, what triggered it?"

The urge to punch him was growing. I pushed away from him and approached the nearest tree. Cocking my fist back, I punched it once, twice, but there was no third; Edward caught my fist and held it. The electricity was back.

"Why, Edward? WHY?" I cried as I turned to face him. "Why is it so hard to hate you? I want to punch you until you're black and blue. I want to make you hurt the way I did, but I can't."

"Hit me, Bella."

My shoulders slumped and I whispered, "No."

He pleaded with me, taking my hands in his. "Please hit me; I deserve it and so much more. If it will make you feel better in the least…"

"No." I wasn't going to resort to violence. No way was I going to let him get out of this so easy.

"HIT ME!" he yelled.

"NO!"

"Isabella Marie Swan, HIT ME!"

He didn't see it coming. I punched him in the face, his nose cracking under my fist, blood spurting. I just punched Edward Cullen and it felt good.

He yelled. "Jesus, Bella, you hit me!"

"I'm…shit," Shit, what had I done? I hit Edward! I turned away from him and began running back toward the house.

"Wait! Bella, I'm okay. Wait!" he called out as he ran toward me. "Bella, watch out!"

I didn't see the tree root that toppled me. I did, however, feel the wind being knocked out of me when I hit the ground. Instead of trying to get up, I just laid there, motionless, trying to catch my breath, trying to make sense of what had just happened. I had just hit Edward. I had made him bleed.

It felt good.

Electricity coursed through me and I knew he was touching me.

"Bella?" he said, sounding worried, which secretly made me happy. "Bella, love, are you okay?"

LOVE? Did he just call me love?

At the sound of that one word, a torrent of happy memories flooded me. I thought about how the first time he had called me _love_ I'd giggled madly because it sounded so old-fashioned for a thirteen year-old boy to say. I could actually feel the nervousness in my belly that was there the first time we had kissed, and I tried to hang onto the joy I had felt the first time we had really made love (which _so_ wasn't the first time that we'd had sex); and then there was the life-changing moment when Emma was born.

Just as quickly as I was overcome with joy, I found myself drowning in sorrow. A sob built up and exploded.

"I'm getting Emmett," Edward said quietly, and then the electricity was gone.

"No," I gasped, "don't leave me again." Foolishly, I extended a hand out to him.

He dropped down, pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "I'll stay as long as you'll let me."

* * *

**_So, there it is. Angst angst angst. But wait? Was that a glimmer of hope I saw there?_**

**_What are your thoughts? Still liking it? Finding it too heavy? I like to hear what people are thinking so I can fix what's wrong._**

**_I'm going to take a second and pimp out some great people/fanfics. _**

**_107yearoldvirgin's MAYBE is so good it's incredibly hard to put down._**

**_Katmom's IMMERSION is sweet and and limey._**

**_RowanMoon's BROKEN DOLL is poetry in motion._**

**_'s POUGHKEEPSIE will break your heart and fill it with joy at the same time._**

**_AliceDances01's MAYBE I'M AMAZED will captivate you._**

**_OpenHome's COALESCENCE will give you a special appreciation of Alice._**

**_Raven Jadewolf's BLACK SWAN is really different, and I'm quite taken with her version of Bella._**

**_Lambcullen's TIDES just makes me all giddy._**


	5. Chapter 5

**_SM owns. I borrow. Edward broods. Bella struggles. Emmett curses. Rose gropes. Jasper drawls. Alice bounces. Fred sleeps._**

**_HUGE thanks to the trifecta of terrific, Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophilia Tantrum. Without you guys this story would be hollow, and littered with obvious grammer and speeling errers. _**

**_This chapter has angst, perhaps some heartfail, and hot dogs._**

When we last left them, Bella and Edward were having it out in the woods and the rest of the gang were waiting nervously at the house to clean up the aftermath.

**_

* * *

_**

_**Emmett**_

"They've been gone for a long time," I said, pacing back and forth in front of the patio doors. "What if they've killed each other?"

I couldn't relax. My hands were fisting in the denim of my jeans, and I was thankful that Levi's made tough pants because had I been wearing my khaki work pants, I'd have torn them to shreds. Waiting for Bella and Edward to get their asses back out of the woods was driving me bat shit crazy. Not being able to know what was going on, the urge to step in and take care of them both was warring with the logical side of my brain that was telling me that this was something they needed to face alone, or rather, together.

Rose, who was leaning against the fireplace looking worried, yet sexy as hell, put her hand on my arm as I passed by her. "Calm down, big guy; come on over and sit."

"I can't. I've spent so much time trying to keep an eye on him that it's hard to let go. What if…" I broke off… unable to finish that particular statement.

"What if _what_?" Alice asked.

I shook my head no, turned away, walking back to face the large glass doors.

Alice walked over from the couch across the room. "What is it, Emmett?"

I took a nervous breath. It wasn't something I liked to talk about; the day was still so fresh in my mind. I know it was nearly four years ago, but it had made a lasting impression on me. I still remembered it so clearly, too clearly. I'd come home from university one weekend to find that Edward had finally returned. Seeing his Volvo in the driveway eased a huge burden off my shoulders. I always felt like I had failed Edward when he took off; I thought we could get through anything together, as brothers, but he obviously didn't share the sentiment. When I parked my Jeep in the yard that day, I sprinted into the house expecting to find Edward, pick him up, and hug the shit out of him. Instead, I found him on the floor of his bedroom, unconscious, and unresponsive, with an empty bottle of powerful painkillers beside him.

The doctors weren't sure he'd live, and again, I found myself holding vigil over someone I loved while they were unconscious.

Edward woke up a few days later, remorseful for upsetting his family, but disgusted that he hadn't succeeded. Aside from some minimal damage to his kidneys, he'd managed to evade death. Esme and Carlisle had him committed to a psychiatric facility for a month, but couldn't fight him after that; he was an adult and his therapists felt he had made great steps toward healing. He swore he would smarten up, and he did; he didn't try to kill himself again, he just died inside.

The suicide attempt was the main reason I insisted that we live together, not that Edward minded because he hated being alone. It was also the reason I was constantly worrying about him. Now I was scared that this _close encounter of the Bella kind_ would throw Edward over the edge if it didn't go well.

Movement along the tree line broke my train of thought and I released a breath I didn't realize I had been holding as they emerged from the woods.

"Is that blood?" Jasper asked, pointing the smears on both my brother's face, and Bella's hands.

"Oh, Jesus, what now?" I bellowed, throwing open the doors. "What the hell happened to you two?"

Bella blushed and smirked. "Well, I punched him, and then I fell. Karma's a bitch, I guess."

It was hard to believe my eyes when I saw Bella squeeze Edward's hand. I gave my head a shake and looked again; their hands were still clasped.

"Are you two okay?"

Bella answered. "For now. There's a lot we need to talk about. Now, can we please go clean up? The smell of his blood is making me queasy."

* * *

_**Bella**_

"Quit hogging the pizza, Em," I said, tossing a pillow at his head.

"Easy, baby girl, there's lots here," he replied, launching a pizza box over my way.

Emmett should have known better than to expect me to catch it. If anything my coordination was worse these days. It slipped from my grip and it sucked that I was helpless to do anything as I watched it fall in slow motion toward the light-coloured rug. Just before it should have hit the ground, Edward caught it.

"Nice catch," I said quietly, "you just saved my priceless IKEA rug from certain marinara stain shame."

"My pleasure," he answered, staring at me intensely. He'd been doing that a lot since we'd come back into the house. I didn't know if it creeped me out or if I liked it. I blushed when I realized that I couldn't tear my eyes away from him either. As angry as I was at him, I knew that a part of me would always love him, always be entranced by him.

"Earth to Bella?" Alice called from somewhere off in the distance.

"Mm?"

"Hello? Bella?"

Fingers snapped in front of my face.

"What?" I snapped, annoyed.

"Oh, thank God, I thought you were going to have a seizure. You gapped out on us." Alice said, worried.

"Sorry, I'm just really tired and spacey, it's been an exhausting couple of days. I hate to be a party pooper, but I think I should go to bed."

A loud chorus of NO went up around the room.

What the hell? Can't a girl get some sleep? Everyone but Edward looked well-rested and fine, so why the hell should I have to follow them around if I didn't want to.

Their expectant faces caused me to relent, a feeling of guilt for thinking such things about my friends. "Okay, okay. What do you have planned?"

"Bonfire on the beach," Alice piped up, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, her eyes sparkling.

Everyone seemed to agree that a bonfire would be a good idea. Deep down I was relieved because it meant I could relax or space out at my leisure. Surely, I could find a nice log to curl up beside and grab some zzzs without interruption.

If we were going to the beach, we were going to do it right. Alice, Rose and I had filled a bin with beach essentials for moments like these: blankets, flashlights, pillows, a tarp, sweaters and roasting tongs. "Emmett, there's a Rubbermaid bin out in the garage marked _Beach_. Can you please grab it and toss it in one of the cars?"

"Gotcha, Baby Girl. Anything else?"

"Hmm…no, Alice and I will throw some food and drinks into a cooler. Any requests?"

"Wieners!" from Jasper, who was stretching after getting up off the couch.

"Marshmallows!" from Alice.

"Pineapple!"

I whirled around to face Emmett. "Pineapple?"

"Yeah, it gets all sweet and caramelized when it's grilled."

Alice popped her head out of the fridge. "Hey, we actually have one."

"Sweet."

"Anything else?" I asked.

"Booze."

"Emmett, really?" Edward said, shaking his head. "You're driving. Come on."

A set of keys flew at his head and he just barely caught them.

"You're driving now, little brother."

Edward sighed. "Fine."

The boys took Emmett's massive Jeep, while we ladies piled into Alice's bumblebee yellow, custom Honda Civic. You don't see many cars like hers on the road, but there aren't many people like Alice in the world. She said it was a preface to the yellow Porsche she would one day own.

"So…" Alice asked, looking at me in the rearview mirror.

"So what?" I asked, dreading the conversation to come.

"Spill, sister."

Suddenly exhausted, I rested my head against the cool glass of the window in the back seat. I watched as the houses and lights passed by as we drove toward the beach. How was going to answer this when I really wasn't sure of what had happened myself? "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Are you going to try to work through it? Did you forgive him?" Rosalie asked.

"NO. I haven't forgiven him; at least not yet. We are going to talk, try to sort this mess out. In a strange way, I'm actually feeling a little better, but in another way, I'm feeling so raw." I sighed.

Rose reached a hand back to grasp one of mine. "I can only imagine."

I smiled at her gesture, squeezing her hand in mine. I loved Rosie; she was good people. "You know, it feels like for the first time since…well, since we lost Emma, that I have someone to talk to who really, truly, understands what I'm going through. No offense intended toward you guys, of course. You've both gone beyond the call of duty in trying to help me through stuff."

"We haven't buried a child. We understand, Bella, no offense taken. Maybe you two can help each other heal."

Okay, this conversation was getting entirely too serious. I grinned evilly at her. "Or maybe I'll castrate him and choke him with his own gonads."

Rose snorted, Alice giggled, and I was so over talking about all this stuff. I just wanted to lose myself for a bit. "Put some music on, please. I'm tired of talking."

"A little _Journey_ perhaps? Some _Don't Stop Believing?_" Rose said as she scrolled through Alice's iPod.

"Whatever," I mumbled. I didn't really care anymore. All I had wanted was to just go to bed. I was tired, my brain was broken, and I felt like I was being bombarded by a plethora of emotions. Bed would be a wonderful place to mull this all out.

Edward was back. I had never in a million years thought I would see him again, and if I did, I was prepared to hate him, but after seeing him break down like that, I couldn't hate him no matter how much I wanted to. I could pity him and I could feel compassion for him, but I couldn't trust him. Not again. Not yet. All it took was one look to break down my defenses, and now I was back to square one. How do I do this? It would be so easy to fall back into our old rhythm, so easy to forget the past five years and just be Bella and Edward like before, but how is that fair to me?

What the hell am I going to do?

A distant voice snapped me out of my reverie. "Yo, Bella?" Was that Emmett?

"Are you sure she's okay?" I thought I heard Edward ask, and he sounded concerned.

"B?" That was Rosalie.

Giving my head a shake, I tried to snap out of my haze. I saw Alice in front of me, her hand extended toward me. I grasped it and slowly allowed myself to be pulled from the comfortable back seat.

Alice leaned up and whispered to me as soon as I was on my feet. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem off. The last time you were this spaced out you did the funky chicken. I hate to be all Mother Hen on you, but you're scaring me."

"I'm just exhausted, Ali. Let's just go to the beach; I'll nap or something."

"Do you promise that you'll let me know if you start to feel funny?"

"Yes, Alice, stop fussing."

* * *

_**Edward**_

The girls loaded us boys down with the heavy stuff while they ran ahead to scope out a spot. This was a perfect opportunity for me to talk to Jasper, to maybe get some questions answered.

"Jasper, I hate to pry, but…" I began nervously.

"But you're going to anyway, right?" Jasper replied, chuckling. I grimaced and nodded slightly, looking down at my feet to gather my thoughts.

I had so many questions I wanted to ask but again, I had to really watch how far I pushed her friends. They were totally correct that I had no right to know the answers, but still, I had to try. Exhaling loudly, I finally spoke. "Is Bella still having seizures?"

"Yeah, not very often, but she's prone to having them when she's overtired or stressed out. She's supposed to take an anti-convulsion medication, but she complains that they make her feel wonky, so she doesn't take them like she should. They really don't happen all that often, though. It used to be a lot worse."

"I take it she's no longer driving."

"No, she lost her license a couple of years ago; she had a seizure while she was driving. Luckily she wasn't going fast, but she still wrapped her truck around a tree. If she had been in any other vehicle, she'd probably be dead, but The Beast…"

Emmett interrupted him with a loud guffaw. "She was still driving The Beast? Man, that was one tough truck."

I smiled as I thought back to time spent in the old red Chevy truck. Charlie had bought it for her on her 16th birthday; he didn't want his babies driving around in a flimsy import car, which was a dig at my perfectly safe Volvo. Bella was due shortly after her birthday, and being the Chief of Police, Charlie had some very valid fears about road safety. It was just too bad they hadn't been in The Beast the day of the accident because they probably would have survived.

"Dude? Edward? Are you okay?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

"It's okay, but I think you're freaking Jasper out."

I looked over at Jasper. "Sorry, I'm beat and my mind is a million miles away."

Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me. "You aren't prone to having seizures too, are you? I don't know if we can handle two of you."

"Nope, I have a clean bill of health." Well, physical health, the jury was still out on the mental end of things.

"Okay good."

We gathered the firewood and began trying to make a fire while the girls unpacked blankets. As soon as a blanket was down, Bella curled up by a log and dozed while Alice and Rosalie helped us with the fire. As soon as it was lit, I sat off to the side and observed Bella; I was worried about her. She was so out of it in the car, and now, she lay there in a ball completely oblivious to what was going on around her.

"She'll be okay, Edward, she's just tired." Alice said, as she handed me a metal spike with a hot dog on it. "Why don't you cook a hot dog for her? She likes them…"

"…slightly burnt and drowning in ketchup. I remember, thanks."

I looked over at Bella while I was preparing to roast her wiener and noticed she was shivering.

"Alice, she looks cold."

"I'm on it. Thanks."

I watched as Alice walked over to the trembling girl curled up on the ground, and listened as she spoke to her gently.

"Bella, you're shivering. Come closer to the fire with us," Alice said.

"Mm…tired. Sleep." Bella mumbled quietly.

Emmett was watching what was going on and walked over to where they were. I smiled when he took charge, knowing that he wouldn't take any of Bella's mumbly, grumbly protests, but then I was angry that I couldn't be the one to look after her, hold her when she was cold. I quickly shoved that thought way back because I didn't dare overstep my already tenuous boundaries. I didn't deserve the right to hold her.

"Come on, Baby Girl, up and at 'em," Emmett said as he lifted her up and carried her closer to the fire and sat down with her. He wrapped his big arms around her, and I watched as she nuzzled into him and smiled a little.

It was all getting a little overwhelming so I handed the hot dog to Jasper to cook. I needed to go think by myself for a few minutes. I walked out across the stony beach and stood alone at the edge of the water, going over the events of the past few days, trying to make sense of it all. After a while, I heard light footsteps coming from behind.

"So, uh, Edward?" Alice asked quietly.

"Yes, Alice?" I didn't turn to look at her right away. Instead I skipped a rock into the dark waves.

"What are your intentions toward our sleeping beauty?"

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. I knew this was coming, I just wasn't sure I was ready for it yet. To be honest, I had no idea what my intentions were; I mean I had a general idea, but long term? I had no clue. Alice was looking up at me sweetly, although I knew that if I said the wrong thing that she'd make sure I'd be sorry for it. "I want to make things right, Alice, I need to make things right, but I don't think she'll ever forgive me, or worse, she'll never trust me again."

"Do you blame her?"

"No," I said, bending down to pick up another rock and throwing it. I could see Alice straining to hear it hit the inky water. "No, I don't, but I need her, and she needs me. I realize that now."

"Do you love her?"

"Always."

"Are you willing to work hard, stop being selfish, and put her needs first?"

"Yes."

Alice took one of my hands in hers. "I really don't know why I'm doing this. Everything in me screams that this is wrong, that you should just leave her the hell alone and let her get on with her life, but the fact remains that she can't get on with her life without dealing with this.

"So, we'll try to sort this out, all of us. Just a warning, though, it's not going to be easy for either of you. You're both so weak, so prone to freak outs. Bella can't have that, Edward, she gets sick easily, she gets tired, and, well, she does the funky chicken.

"This is going to have to be slow, nothing will happen overnight. Can you really promise to stick with it? You couldn't handle her when she was unconscious, what makes you think you're ready to handle her awake? Because if you can't, Edward, walk away now. I can't watch her die, and that's what's going to happen; we're going to lose her and she means too much to us for that to happen." She stood beside me, there was kindness in the way she held my hand, but I could sense a fierce protectiveness behind her words. I knew that she would do anything for Bella, and I was glad that she had people who cared about her so much when I couldn't… didn't….

"I don't know if I have a choice, Alice. I've been drifting back and forth between feeling nothing and too much; I can't live like this much longer." I turned to face her, hoping that she'd see the sincerity in my eyes. "I can't promise I won't screw up, because I'm well-known for that, but I can promise I won't leave this time."

Alice hugged him. "I don't know why, but she still loves you very much, Edward. Don't. Fuck. This. Up." She stated… emphasizing her point by poking me in the chest with her tiny little finger. "Most people don't get a second chance, so you'd better appreciate the gift you've been given." She paused.

"Oh, and if you break her again," she continued with a wicked glint in her eyes, "we will castrate you with blunt, rusty, objects. Got it?"

What is up with these people and my junk? Seems every time I turn around someone is threatening to cut it off. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Now, I smell wieners. Let's go get some roasted nitrates on a stick."

* * *

_**Bella**_

"Bella?"

That voice sounded familiar. "Mm?"

"Do you want a hot dog?"

I opened my eyes and jumped a little. "Edward? What are you doing here?"

His eyebrows raised in confusion. "What do you mean? We all came to the beach together."

"Beach? We're at the beach? How the hell did we get here? Why are we here? What are you doing here? Am I dreaming? What the…" I began to shake uncontrollably.

Edward looked at me, panic in his eyes. "Alice? Can you come here, please? Bella's…uh…disoriented."

Alice came over to see what was wrong. She pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. "Bells? What's wrong, sweetie?"

I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs from my brain, trying to figure out how I got there and what I was doing there. I hated this, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. Fear and panic began to course through my veins, and I could feel myself shaking. "Alice? I don't remember how I got here."

Alice sat down and held me. I wrapped my arms around her, hoping that she'd be the key to figuring out what was going on. She ran her fingers through my hair and spoke calmly to me, which soothed me a bit. "Shh, kitten, it's okay. You were exhausted when we left the house, so that's probably why you don't remember. You're safe; it's just you, me, Jazzy, Rosie, Emmett, and Edward here at the beach. Edward cooked a hot dog for you, just the way you like it; lightly burnt and covered in ketchup."

"I hate this," I mumbled, as I reached up to wipe a tear from my cheek. "I really hate this. You'd think I'd be used to this after five years, but no. I'm still just as stupid, lost, and confused as ever."

Tiny arms tightened around me and held me until my shaking was under control.

"Here," Edward said, handing me the hot dog, "maybe this will help."

I disengaged myself from Alice and rolled my eyes. "That's right, hot dogs cure everything."

A look of pain flashed across his face.

Shit. I'm such a bitch. "I'm sorry, Edward. Thank you for the hot dog. I have these stupid black holes and I get annoyed. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Black holes?" He took a spot beside me on the blanket, leaning back on his hands.

In between bites of the hot dog, which was cooked perfectly I might add, I tried to explain it to him. "I really did a number on my brain in the accident. My short term memory isn't so good and sometimes when I'm overtired or stressed out I have black holes. It's like a gap in time that I can't remember. It's like going to sleep in one place and waking up on another continent. I'm not sure how I got there and things are strange for the first little bit."

"How awful! I'm sorry," he replied sincerely.

"Why are you sorry? For once this isn't because of you. Oh, shit, I did it again. Look, Edward, I'm a mess. I'm usually okay, but there are times when I'm not; I'm forgetful, outspoken without meaning to be, there are times when I could and sometimes do run a marathon, and other days when it takes me an hour to get out of bed.

"My brain is scrambled worse than an…a…" shit, now was so not the time to start losing my vocabulary. God, I must look like such a moron.

"An egg?"

I smiled wanly at him. "Yes, thank you. Some days I forget words. Oh, and I'm clumsy as hell."

Edward chuckled. "You've always been clumsy as hell, Bella."

"It's worse now. If you thought it was bad when I could trip over the flattest possible surfaces, I have now mastered the art of tripping on air, and sometimes manage to fall over while not even moving."

"Lord help us all!" he cried out, teasing. "We're all doomed!"

"Oh thanks, King Equilibrium," I said, smiling.

We sat in quiet, comfortable silence while I finished my hot dog. I looked over and saw Alice and Jasper talking, peeking over at us, and gesticulating.

"What are you two whispering about over there?" I called out.

They replied in unison with a very suspicious-sounding _nothing_, innocent expressions plastered across their faces.

"Pfft…whatever; I find that hard to believe."

Alice rotated so she was looking over at me. "Well, Miss Nosybottom, if you insist, Jasper and I were discussing which new toy we're going to add to our enormous collection. I saw a new one in one of the catalogues that hooks up to your iPod and vibrates according to the bass in the song. Jasper said he is more into a vibrating ring."

My hands flew up instinctively to cover my ears. "Enough! I don't need to know." The mental image of Alice and Jasper was NOT what I needed right now.

Edward swallowed loudly, inciting me to laugh. "Not used to hearing sex toy talk, Edward?"

"No." He was blushing big time.

"Well, buster, if you're going to be spending any time with us, you'll have to get used to it."

He chuckled. "My prudish little Bella, a sex toy expert. I never thought…"

It's a good thing I had finished eating my hot dog because I choked a little when I heard him say it. "_My_ Bella?" I couldn't figure out if it was confusion, anger, sarcasm, or gas that set the tone of my reply. I think I was just in shock at hearing it being said again after so many years.

"Sorry. Habit. Aside from the fact that you hate me, and I'm a total asshat, it feels like old times, you know, being with you is easy and familiar. It's like being home. Shit," he said, jumping up, "I'm sorry. I had no right to say that. I think I should go." He started to walk away.

Oh no he doesn't! "Wait!"

Edward turned back to face me, fear masked his face. I held my hand out to him for help getting up and the moment our hands touched, we both gasped; the energy flow was still strong, if not stronger than it had been in the woods.

"We should go talk—away from Mr. & Mrs. Kama Sutra, and the two making out like horny teenagers over there," I suggested, gesticulating to the left, where Emmett and Rosalie were going at it, oblivious to anything but themselves. "There are some rocks just to the right where we can sit; I'm still pretty wiped out. It takes me a while to get my strength up after…yeah…I'm tired."

Edward laced his fingers through mine and squeezed gently. "No need to explain."

As we started walking away from the fire, I thought I should probably warn him. "If I fall asleep, it's not because I'm bored; sometimes I can't control it and I drift without even realizing it's happening. Geez, I sound like such a freak, don't I?"

"No, not at all, Bella. After all you've been through, I really…well, I don't think anyone could fault you for a few flaws," he laughed, nudging me gently, "you can't be perfect all the time."

We walked slowly toward the outcropping, where we sat down. Edward took a spot behind me, and I could feel he was tense.

"Thank you, Edward."

"You're okay with this? I didn't…I was…I thought if you fell asleep you might fall…"

"Stop. I said thank you and I meant it; stop qualifying your actions." To let him know that I was really okay with it, I leaned back on him and sighed. This felt right, yet it felt so wrong. _God, why can't this be easier?_

"Are you cold?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me.

"No, did I shiver?"

"Yeah, you did. We can…" he made to move, but I stopped him.

"No, I want to stay. I…" I trailed off because I didn't know what I was going to say. What did I want from him? What was I doing out there with him?

"What is it, Bella?"

"I don't know," I huffed, "I'm so confused."

He rubbed his hands up and down my arms. "Talk to me."

"I can't. I wish I could, but I can't," I lowered my head to rest on his arms and sniffled.

"Try me."

My voice was muffled by his sweatshirt. "You won't like it."

"I deserve so much worse after what I did to you. I can't even begin to understand how you can stand to be so kind to me and be in my presence."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, sir, you are SO not off the hook. What you did is incomprehensible, and I don't know when or if I'll ever completely trust you again. There'll always be that _leaving_thing dangling overhead, but right now, at this very moment, your presence is filling a part of the hole I've been drowning in for the past five years," I said, my shoulders beginning to shake as I fought the deluge of emotions bearing down on me. "I feel more human right now, more normal than I have in so long. It's like a tiny light is burning somewhere that's both warming me and fracturing the darkness.

"I can't explain it. I've been a disaster for so long that I forgot what _normal_ feels like, and against my better judgment, you make me feel normal."

I felt Edward suck in a shocked breath at my confession.

"Maybe, Edward, it's because you're my last connection to Emma."

We were silent for a few moments, listening to the sound of the waves crashing on the rocky beach. There were so many pressing questions I wanted to ask, but I couldn't find the courage to ask them in that moment. Eventually, one I dreaded asking bubbled to the surface and flew out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"I need to know, Edward; did you see her, you know, after?"

All of the air left his lungs in a mighty rush. I could tell that he wasn't expecting this line of questioning. "No."

"Why?"

"I couldn't do it, but Mom did. She assured me that she looked peaceful, sweet, and like a beautiful little red-headed doll. I'm sorry, Bella, but I didn't want my final memory of our little girl to be of her lying in a coffin, pale, waxy, and dead."

Turning my head to the left, I looked at him; he looked so sad. I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't. Not yet. Instead I continued my torturous line of questioning. "It's okay, Edward, I don't think I could have done it either. What did you bury her in?"

"Her favourite purple sundress and those hideous lime green Crocs she loved so much."

I laughed sadly and shook my head at the memory of him trying to coax a stubborn two year-old out of her beloved, well-worn green shoes. She would put up such a stink and there wasn't a thing you could say or do to make her change her mind. Everyone used to tease us and say that she got her stubbornness from me.

"You were so disgusted by those little shoes, and she absolutely adored them. How many times did we have to peel them off her feet at bedtime?"

A big sigh came from behind me.

I wasn't asking these questions to necessarily hurt him. I hoped he understood that. These were things I needed to know and no one else would talk about it to me, no one would tell me. "Did Bunny Fou Fou go with her?"

He hesitated a little before answering.

"No, they couldn't find him in time" he answered quietly, "Robert went with her."

What had happened to Bunny Fou Fou? He must have been lost in the accident. I tried to remember if she had brought him with us that day, but came up blank. "She loved Robert an awful lot. I think she'd be happy to have him if she couldn't have BFF."

"What toddler names a giant zebra _Robert_? I never understood the logic," he said, chuckling. "We had a very intriguing daughter."

"Growing up at your house was bound to rub off on her. I could have killed Emmett the day she overheard him swearing. I warned him that she was like a sponge parrot; she was absorbing and repeating everything everyone said, especially words she hadn't heard before. She ran up to me and shouted SHIT at the top of her lungs, but it came out sounding like THIT." I smiled at the memory.

Edward's laugh rang out across the beach. "That was hilarious. I'm sorry, I know you were cheesed at Em, but you have to admit it was cute."

"Yeah, it was."

My laughs turned to sobs before I knew what was happening. "Is this hole ever going to go away? Will it ever stop hurting? I'm so…so scared that I'll have to carry this forever. I know she's gone, but I want to remember her and feel joy, not pain. She was the best thing to ever happen to me."

Edward tightened his arms around me and spoke quietly into my ear. "She is the best thing to happen to me and the only good thing I'll ever do. I've ruined everything."

"Yeah, you have."

We sat in quiet reflection until Alice came to tell us that everyone wanted to leave. She put her arm around my waist as we walked back to where Em and Jasper were dousing the fire.

"So, he's still alive. How did it go?"

"We have a long way to go, but the first step was a good one. The ball is in his court; if he bails again, it's over. There are no third chances."

"You mean there's hope?" Alice replied brightly.

I looked back at Edward and smiled. "There's always hope, Alice."

* * *

**_There you go. Some good, some bad, some sad, and some hope. _**

**_YES, HOPE! I truly believe that there's always a glimmer of the stuff around (at least most of the time) and although it may come in strange packages and take it's good old time making itself known, it's there._**


	6. Chapter 6

**_SM owns the characters names and some of their traits. I own this story._**

**_Again a HUGE thank you to my triple threat team of Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophilia Tantrum. This story would be crap on the bottom of my shoe without you._**

**_I'm too sick, sweaty, and pathetic to say much more than that right now. Oh...this chapter has some pivotal flashbacks which may, or may not, require a tissue. I never know when something is going to make anyone cry...I hate to assume, but I hate to leave you hanging with a runny nose and wet eyes._**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

"_Edward, do you think we'll have babies some day? __Do you want to have kids?"_

_He moved his hand over my abdomen and smiled. __"A little late to ask that, eh, Bella?"_

_I looked down and my once flat stomach was suddenly swollen with child. __"What? __How?"_

_He kissed my belly and whispered before placing his ear on it, nodding and smiling as he did so. __"Emma says you worry too much and she'll be here soon. __She loves you and wishes she was here. __She also said to remind you that she's always with you."_

_In the time it took me to blink my eyes, I was suddenly being hugged by my beautiful daughter._

"_Hi, baby," I whispered. "Where were you? __I missed you so much."_

_My two year-old child looked up at me with my own brown eyes and smiled. __"Love you, Mama."_

_Nuzzling into her red curls, I inhaled deeply, trying to commit her scent to memory. __"I love you too, baby. __I always have and I always will."_

_Chubby hands wiped away tears I hadn't realized I was shedding. __"No cry, Mama. __Emma okay."_

_Edward wrapped his arms around us and our little family was complete again. __I couldn't stop crying I was so happy and at the same time, so terribly sad._

"_Stop, Mama," Emma said, sternly. __"Be happy, peas, Mama. __Emma okay."_

"_I missed you both so much. __You left me. __I was alone."_

_Emma kissed my cheek. __"I always here, Mama," she touched above my heart. __"Dada back. __Love Dada. __He sad, Mama. __No more sad, okay? __Be happy, peas."_

_Edward was crying at this point and we clung to each other as Emma consoled us. __Suddenly she pulled away. __"I go now. __Pop Pop and Nana Né ready to go. __Emma love you. __Be happy. __Peas love Bunny Fou Fou, Emma miss him lots."_

_She kissed each of us and began to dance away._

"_No, Emma, please don't go. __I love you! __I'm sorry."_

"_Not your fault, Mama. __Love you.__ Bye__-__bye__, Mama, Dada."_

_Edward and I tightened our grip on one another and cried until I woke up, alone. _

But this time it was different; I was sad, but I didn't feel obliterated with grief. There were tears streaming down my face, but I didn't feel like death. I think I actually felt a little better; Emma had come to me before, but never like this. I think she was trying to tell me to be happy, and that Edward was suffering as much as I was.

She always was a smart kid.

I stretched in my bed, taking up as much space as I could and ruminated on what I had just dreamed and realized that for the first time in a while, I dreamt of Emma and Edward and didn't wake up screaming. In fact, I slept alone; well, sort of. Alice and Jasper started out in my bed, but must have left at some point during the night.

It was hard for me to wrap my head around the how and the why of Alice's devotion to me. Not everyone would give up as much as she had for me: sleepless nights, bruises, lower grades, alone time with Jasper. She had adopted me as her fucked up sister and never turned back. I hoped that she'd have her own life back soon.

Smiling, I got out of bed to face the day with the promise of more than just a hollow existence. Things were starting to heal a bit, and it felt good.

_**Edward**_

Hearing Bella say to Alice that there's always hope sparked something inside me. Hope: four letters full of meaning and potential. Maybe there was a chance that we could be together again. My heart fought to explode against its bony rib cage restraint and there was definitely a spring to my step as I walked into my house.

Emmett and Rose had gone for a walk, so I made my way to the piano in my make-shift studio and began to play. There was an unfamiliar lilt to the tempo and the urge to let loose and compose something new was stronger than it had been in a very long time.

Bella had always been my muse, even when were young children. She brought out the best in me, even then. As a pre-teen, my Bella-inspired songs were fraught with angst and pregnant with the lamentations of unrequited teenage love. I had pined over her for so long, hell, for as long as I could remember, and there was no way I could tell her. She was my best friend, my partner in crime, my protector, my confidante. I was terrified that if she knew, she'd reject me and I would lose it all.

Little did I know that she had been harboring the same feelings. It wasn't until one day when I was working on a 'Bella song' that she found out.

_I was sitting at my piano, so deeply involved in my work that I didn't feel or see her come into the room. She came up __from__ behind me and looked down at the sheet music.__I heard a gasp come from her and I looked up, afraid of what was to come._

"Beautiful Bella: a confession of love in B minor_?" She read off the title of the piece and I cringed. __"What is this?"_

_I looked back down at the keys and cracked my fingers nervously. __Small hands covered mine._

"_Edward, stop, you'll end up with arthritic claws and you won't be able to play anymore."_

_I sighed as I put my hands on the piano bench. __She sat beside me and stared at the papers before her. __"Play it for me?"_

_Embarrassed, I blushed and shook my head no._

"_Please, Edward? __You always play for me. __You've never refused me before. __Please play my song."_

_She laid her head on my shoulder and laced her fingers through mine, bringing them up to rest on the keys. __Positioning them over the first notes of the song, she applied pressure and we played the opening bars together._

_We awkwardly played in tandem until she removed her hands from mine and allowed me to finish it on my own. __I could feel her reactions throughout the song by the way she moved beside me or by slight shifts in her breathing._

_When the last notes faded, she turned my head gently so I was looking at her and she placed a kiss on my lips. __It was a chaste, innocent kiss, a nervous and restrained affirmation that she too felt the same for me. _

"_I love you too, Edward," she whispered against my lips._

_I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me, vowing that I would love her always. __I tilted her head back so I could kiss her again and felt the jolt of energy surging through me as my inexperienced lips mapped out those of my beloved. __The kiss heated up until we were almost eating each other's faces._

_A serious lack of oxygen forced us to pull apart, and I noticed how wet, red, and swollen her lips were. __I lifted a hand and traced them with my fingers. __She smiled and whispered to me,__ "Hi__,"_

_It was the sweetest, most Bella __moment__ I'd ever had and Emmett had to ruin it when we finally emerged from the music room, hand-in-hand and giggling._

"_Hey, Ma! __You owe me fifty bucks. __They finally kissed!"_

_My mom came out of the study and smiled at us. __"Oh kids, it's about time! __I had bet Emmett that it would be in the spring, but you two decided to make us wait. __Tsk, tsk. __Don't you know it's not nice to keep you mother waiting?"_

_My jaw dropped. __"You guys had bets on when we'd get together? __I don't know if I should be appalled or if I should laugh."_

_Bella squeezed my hand and smiled. __I could stare at her smile all day, and from that moment on, I had license to do so because she was mine._

My fingers continued to stroke a path along the black and white keys as I thought back to happier days. It's too bad life wasn't like the piano--a series of black and white steps, no grey, every note with its purpose, its place; the only dissonance coming from a wrong move, and you knew right away where you had made the mistake and could easily fix it next time you played it.

I suppose things had been very black and white for us up until sex became involved.

At the thought of intimacy with Bella, I lowered my head down to the rest on the ledge of my beloved piano, my fingers finally stilled on the keys. After a moment of quiet contemplation, I stood, closed the dust cover, and walked to my bedroom where I hoped sleep would take me to a happy place instead of the sexually frustrated position my mind and dick were leading me.

_**Bella**_

My days off were spent sleeping and keeping busy. It was becoming too easy to slip into memories of happier days with Edward and there was no way I could be objective about our tenuous situation if I had visions of the old Edward and the love I still felt for him. I was finding that my mind was slipping back into the days when his touch could ignite a fire so hot in me that I feared I would combust. Being sad, angry, horny, and frustrated was not a becoming thing for me, especially while working at a porn store.

In all honesty, though, I was happy to go back to work where the constant need to do inventory would keep me occupied. I was also hoping to do some foundation work on my thesis proposal.

Emmett called frequently when I was working to do prank calls. It was nice having him back in my life again; he made things interesting without them feeling strained or weird. Everything with Emmett was just so natural, so normal, so comforting.

Rosalie stopped in on Wednesday to have lunch with me, which was nice. She packed a basket with a gingham-checked blanket, sandwiches, fruit, pastries, and a flask of pre-made margaritas. We set it up on the floor behind the counter and chowed down. It wasn't entirely out of the norm for her to show up bearing lunch, but this time it felt different. She seemed distracted as she flipped through a fetish catalogue.

I'd finally had enough so I blurted out that she needed to spill or I'd cut off her lingerie discount.

"You wouldn't!" she shrieked as she dropped the glossy book. "Sheesh, Bells, that would be as cruel as cutting off Alice's toy discount. You're mean!"

"So, tell me what's eating you?"

Her blonde head flopped back to rest against the counter. "I have troubles, Bells," she said, her ice-blue eyes staring up at the ceiling. "I don't think Emmett likes me."

My sandwich nearly fell from my hand. "How could you possibly think that? He's nuts about you, Rosie."

"Why won't he sleep with me? He's hardly touched me! Most guys would have tried to get my pants off by now, but not him. We've made out A LOT, and groped some, and I won't complain about that because he knows what he's doing, but it's all been over-the-shirt-and-pants groping. A girl has needs and I need to get into his pants. I can feel that he wants me, it's not hard to feel it, because boy does he get hard!"

"Ugh, Rosie, this is my almost-brother you're talking about."

"Sorry, but it's true. Why won't he be with me? Am I that ugly?" The tone of her voice softened, and she truly looked sad about it.

I reached over and patted her leg. "It's because he likes you."

Rose's eyes opened widely. "He has a strange way of showing it."

I sighed aloud. This wasn't my place, but she needed to know or else her self-esteem was going to plummet and an insecure Rosalie was not a happy one, and an unhappy Rosalie meant the rest of us suffered. "Rosie, Em is a recovering manwhore."

"I figured as much, but what's that got to do with-"

"Listen to me, Rosie, he's probably scared to move too fast because he's probably afraid of losing you."

Rose munched on her egg salad sandwich while she mulled it over. "You think?"

"Emmett's pretty simple by most standards, but he's Cullen through-and-through and tends to over-think serious relationship shit. If he didn't care, he'd have fucked you and left by now. I think he's overwhelmed; he's not used to feeling like this. I have never seen him act like this in all the years I've known him. You've got him by the short and curlies, Rosie; you may be the first woman to tame the untamable Emmett Cullen."

Rose reached for the flask and choked down some of the strong liquid. "He didn't date in high school?"

"Nope, not seriously. There were a few repeat offenders, but he never stuck with one girl. God, this sounds horrible," I said, reaching for the flask, "he's the best guy on the planet and I've just made him sound like a total slut. Rosie, he's a great guy, and he's nuts about you. Please talk to him before you get freaked out."

She sighed before standing, wiping the crumbs from her blouse. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

I held my hand out to her and she pulled me up into a hug. I gasped when I saw a man standing by the counter with a stack of movies and a bottle of lube in his hands.

"Oh, geez, sir, I'm sorry. Why didn't you say anything?"

He looked uncomfortable. "Well, I, uh, well, I didn't want to disturb your conversation."

"I really am sorry, sir," I apologized again. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

A little smile crossed his face. "Well, I heard enough to know that Rosie, is it? Well, Rosie should really talk to the guy and if he doesn't man up, she could always look me up. I wouldn't turn you down."

Rose shrieked. "I can't even believe you said that! I don't even know you!"

Turning around, I shot her a dirty look, hoping she wouldn't attack my client.

"Look, Rosie, you're beautiful and you seem nice enough that he'd be a fool not snap you up right away. But I can also see her side of things," he said, pointing at me. "He's probably shitting bricks. If he really is a serial manwhore, he's probably totally blown away by the desire to settle down."

I looked back at her and nodded. "He's right, Rosie."

"And again, if he doesn't man up, here's my card and I promise if you call me I'll treat you like a woman should be treated."

Turning as red as her namesake flower, Rose snorted loudly. "Yeah, uh," she looked at his card, "Paul, by the looks of your purchases, this method of wooing women really seems to be working to your advantage."

"ROSE!" I yelled at her. "While he's acting like a bit of a douche, he did offer up some good advice. Paul, if that's your name, I apologize for my friend."

Rose stomped up to the counter and placed her hand menacingly on either side of Paul. "Bells, do not apologize to this douchebag on my behalf. He was out of line."

Paul swallowed hard. "Your friend is right, I was out of line. Rose, I'm sorry." He nodded at me, took his purchases and left the store.

I put my hands on my hips and faced her. "That was uncalled for, Rosalie Hale. Do you want to get me fired? He could call head office and tell them I was shirking my duties and a non-employee attacked him."

"Aw, hell, Kitten, you're leaving soon anyway. What does it matter?"

"I'm sorry, Rosie, I didn't mean to blow up at you. I'm just on edge." I picked up the remnants from lunch and began puttering aimlessly while Rose thumbed through some catalogues, giving me some space to cool down.

Finally, she turned a page, cleared her throat and spoke. "Bells?"

"Yeah?"

She licked her thumb before turning the page. "When are you going to take Edward back?"

"Uh, wow, how about a little early warning when you're pulling out the big guns?" I didn't answer her right away, and watched as she tried to hold back. Eventually she spoke.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Edward?"

I sighed. It felt like I spent more time sighing than breathing lately. "Hell, I don't know. Can I be totally frank with you? I can't talk to Alice about this because I know she's not the least bit happy about it. Can you keep this between you and me?"

Rose smiled, crossed her heart and winked. "What happens in the porn store stays between you, me, Fisty, and Elsie the cow. I won't breathe a word. What's going on?"

I paced back and forth in the space behind the counter trying to find the right words. How could I say this without coming off as crazy? "Rosie, the electricity is still there."

A big smile graced her face, and her eyes lit up. "That's great, Bells!"

"Is it? It would be so easy to just fall back into place with him—we still fit together perfectly. But then I feel as if I'm doing myself a huge injustice if I take him back so easily. I've suffered for five years because of him, I've agonized so much. It would all be for naught if I just took him back with open arms."

"How so?"

My voice cracked as I tried to hold back the urge to sob. "He left, Rose."

Rose took me off guard with her reaction. She rolled her eyes at me. I couldn't believe it!

"So did you, Kitten."

"That's different! He wasn't dying!"

"No, but you damn near killed Emmett by the sounds of it. Regardless of the circumstances, you both fucked up. I'm not saying I'm totally on Team Edward here, but I think you need to hear him out."

I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself. "I didn't mean to hurt Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stay there, the memories were too fresh. It was too hard.

"I still love him, Rosie."

She walked over and hugged me. It felt good because it felt like I was starting to fall apart, and I needed someone to hold me together. Smoothing my hair and speaking quietly, she tried to soothe me. "I know you do. Talk to him. Give him a chance."

"What do I do about Alice?"

Rose released me and exhaled loudly. "I think Pixie is going to be a problem. Go easy on her; she's scared you're going to get hurt, and when you hurt-"

"She hurts, I know. God, what a mess. Hand me the flask will you?"

She passed it over and grinned at me. I tipped it back and took a huge swig of the sweet, syrupy, drink. "Thanks, Rosie. I needed this."

"Anytime. I have to go back to work. If you want to talk you know where to find me. Oh, and thanks for the Emmett talk."

"Are you feeling any better about it?"

She smiled. "Yes, a million times better. I love you, Bells. Have a great afternoon."

I hugged her tightly. "Right back atcha, babe."

Rose left me alone with my thoughts and of course they went directly to Edward.

We were the IT couple in high school. Everyone wanted to be us, everyone dreamed of having what we had. We rarely fought, we finished each others' sentences; we were disgustingly cute. It's funny though, because up until we hit high school we were at the low end of the totem pole; Edward was always being bullied and I was scrawny, loud-mouthed, and a total tomboy. Then, our first summer together as a couple, it was as if we got caught in an enormous pool of hormones; Edward shot up four inches, filled out, got muscles, and I grew boobs. We hardly resembled our middle school selves when we walked into Forks High in ninth grade. I think that people knew we were having sex too, which really elevated our status.

I lost my virginity to Edward when I was fourteen. It was awkward, messy, painful, and far from the wonderful experience everyone paints it to be. I had cried through most of it, and thankfully, Edward had gotten off sooner than later. He wrapped himself around me and cried with me, upset that he'd hurt me, made me bleed.

But that was MY Edward, sweet and loving to a fault, nervous and prone to panic, and that's why his disappearance was such a shock. MY Edward would never dream of deserting HIS Bella at such a crucial time. I mean, I could understand that he freaked out and panicked, but he had never run before this. It just seemed unfathomable that he wasn't there holding my hand and murmuring sweet nothings to me.

I was still deeply in love with MY Edward, I just had to find him and avoid getting broken along the way.

_**Edward**_

Photos mocked me as I thumbed through them. Smiling, happy, carefree people mugged for the camera or ran laughing across a beach. Some showed a young couple so in love they couldn't stand to be apart. A large pile to my left were of our brief time with Emma. I wasn't ready to look at them, not now. Maybe tomorrow.

We never expected people to be so accommodating when we finally announced Bella's pregnancy. She was fifteen, and it was May of ninth grade. We found out after taking about a dozen pregnancy tests, each one coming back as positive. After we both hid in my bathroom and cried for a couple of hours, we decided to wait to tell my folks after we took a trip to the free clinic.

A couple of weeks later, after a consultation at the clinic and a visit to the hospital for an ultrasound, we approached my folks. We needed to know for sure that this was really happening before we broke our parents' hearts.

"_Uh, Mom? __Dad? __Bella and I need to speak to you."_

_Mom smiled warmly at us and walked to the den with her arm wrapped around Bella's waist. __Dad followed behind, his warm hand on my right shoulder._

_Bella stood beside me, trembling as I asked my parents to please take a seat. __My father laughed.__"Sounds serious, kids.__Are you eloping?__Expecting triplets?"_

_I felt Bella tense up beside me, so I took her hand and squeezed it. __Mom picked up on it and her mouth opened but no sound came out. __Dad looked at her, then us, then back at Mom, then at Bella, who was now absentmindedly rubbing circles on her belly._

"_Son?"_

_Bella burst out in tears and before I could offer any support, my mother lunged forward and held her, consoling her by whispering reassurances and stroking her hair. __My dad shook his head, disappointment radiating off him like waves of heat off a barbeque. __My heart sunk, my chest tightened and I could feel a familiar panic taking over. __I reached for the nearest chair and sat down, trying to calm myself. __I had to man up for Bella's sake, and for the baby. __I was going to be a father and it was time for me to grow up…_

…_but I'm only fifteen. __Shit. __The panic was beginning to win and I really needed to calm down._

_My father kneeled beside me, his hand offering comfort on my shoulder again. __"I'm sorry, son. __Try to breathe through it."_

"_I'm sorry, Dad," I sobbed, "I know I let you down. __I didn't mean to bring shame to the family."_

_Soft warm hands ran through my hair, and I allowed my mother to gently pull me to her. __"Edward, darling, there is no shame in this situation. __We will never be ashamed of you, Bella, or this baby. __The timing could have been better, but sweetheart, this baby will be loved and will never have reason to wonder if he or she was a mistake._

"_Bella, dear, how far along are you?"_

_Bella shuffled her feet nervously as she approached us. __"The lady at the hospital thinks about four months. __Carlisle, Esme, I'm so sorry." _

_I heard my Bella breaking down again so I reached for her. __She crawled onto my lap and I held her as she cried, whispering that I loved her, and we would get through this._

"_Do Charlie and Renee know yet?" __Dad asked quietly. _

_Bella looked at my parents__'__ fearfully. __"No, I'm too scared."_

_My mom cupped Bella's tear-soaked face in her hands. __"Sweetheart, we'll do this together, as a family. __Would you feel better if we were with you when you tell them?"_

_Relief flooded us both. __"Please," she croaked out.__" I'm scared my dad's going to shoot Edward."_

_**Bella**_

When Tyler arrived to relieve me, I was just that—relieved. I needed some time alone with my thoughts. The park near my store was calling me, so I went in and found a spot under a big maple tree.

Closing my eyes, I allowed a tsunami of memories to crash over me until I found the one I wanted.

_The pink lines on the dipper stick were as damning as the Governor's signature on an order to execute. __My last meal gurgled acidly in my stomach and I felt the room begin to spin._

"_Oh my God."_

_I could have been mistaken, but I think Edward's next breath sounded an awful lot like "Shit."_

_I had forgotten that Edward was behind me. __My free hand instinctively reached for his, and I took strength from the ever-present current running between us. __"What do we do, Edward?" __I whispered, leaning my head back on his chest. __I looked in the mirror and met his green gaze reflecting back at me. __Instead of fear, he exuded an uncharacteristically calm air of confidence. __When he would normally be on the floor struggling for air over something a lot less daunting as this, at this moment, when it mattered most, he was my rock. __It was this moment that I knew I would love no one but him; he was my heart, my soul, and my future._

"_Well, we get you to a doctor first, just to be sure; although I think the odds of a dozen pregnancy tests all being wrong are pretty slim." __He pulled our entwined hands so they rested over my slightly swollen belly. __"Then we make sure that you and this baby," he looked at me in the mirror and smiled, tears now falling down his pale cheeks, "OUR baby, is healthy, happy, and loved. __That's the only thing we have to worry about; the rest is secondary."_

_Who was this calm version of Edward and where had my prone-to-nervous-breakdown-over-a-B-grade Edward gone? __"But…"_

"_Not buts, Love, we are going to be statistics; unwed teenage parents, and we will get through this. __I promise."_

_I turned to face him. __"Why aren't you freaking out? __How are you being so calm?"_

_He held my face in his hands and stared lovingly at me as he spoke. __"Because I'm going to be a daddy and I need to try to stay calm for you and our baby, and because I'm happy. __I want this baby, Bella."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes. __I love you, Bella. __I've always wanted to have babies with you, although maybe not this soon. __This is going to be hard, but I promise that I will ALWAYS take care of you and our child. __If I have to drop out of school to get a job, I will. __I won't let you down, Bella."_

"_I'm getting fat, Edward. __You'll get tired of my big, fat, ugly body, and you'll go after Lauren and Jessica because they're prettier."_

_He kissed me. __"No one will ever be more beautiful than you are, Isabella, and please don't hit me after I say this, but I think you're going to be one hot pregnant mama. __You've already got the glow."_

"_Who are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend?"_

_Smiling, he whispered quietly. __"I'm still here."_

"_Always?"_

"_Always, Love."_

So, we told his parents a couple of weeks later, and they reacted pretty much how I knew they would: there was initial shock, then vows of unending support. That's why we told them first.

My parents, specifically my father, would be another story. That's why we needed Carlisle and Esme there; as witnesses in case Dad really did shoot Edward, which was a distinct possibility, but also as support and voices of reason. My dad tended to lose his grip on reason and reality when he was angry, and he was going to be furious.

_I was curled up on the loveseat chewing on my nails nervously when the knock came at the door. __I jumped and could feel the blood rushing from my face._

"_Carlisle, Esme, Edward! __What a nice surprise," my mom said, "please come in. __Bella? __The Cullens are here."_

_Dad came down the stairs at that point and I overheard our fathers exchanging pleasantries. __Edward walked into the room, spotted me trying to curl up into myself, and sat beside me._

"_Calm down, Bella, you know what the doctor said about stress."_

_I nodded and whimpered when he hugged me. __"We can do this, Bella, we'll do it together," he whispered as he ran his hand over our baby, who was fluttering around inside me._

"_Please come into the living room," I heard my Dad say. __"So, what's up?"_

_Esme stood beside the loveseat and held my shaking hand. Carlisle stood to Edward's left; which was a good spot to be in case he needed to put himself between my dad and Edward._

"_Um, Mom, Daddy?" I squeaked._

"_What's up, Bells? __You and Eddie here haven't been causing trouble, have you?"_

_I stood shakily, followed by Edward. __"Uh, I don't…Daddy please don't…Mom, I'm sorry…I…oh God…" I couldn't push the right words out in proper sequence. __Finally, I just blurted it out. __"Mom, Daddy, I'm pregnant."_

_The eye of the storm passed quickly over the room. __Everything went eerily calm for all of a second, then it was back in full force._

"_You're what?" my father said, entirely too calm._

"_I'm going to have a baby, Daddy."_

_My father turned to my mother. __"Renee, honey, please go get my guns."_

"_DADDY, NO!"_

_He glared at me, before speaking to my mom. __"Renee, dear, please get my guns and hide them before I shoot him."_

_I flinched when he stood up and walked toward us. __His anger burned and terrified me. __"You," he said, pointing his finger in Edward's face, "you knocked up my baby girl. __I should charge you with rape. __She's fifteen years old! __She's a child! __How could you?" _

_I clung to Edward, trembling and crying._

"_Carlisle, Esme, how long have you known?"_

"_They told us last night. __We're just as shocked as you are."_

_Dad turned away, walked over to the mantle and ran his finger along an old grade school photo of me. __His shoulders slumped, and he rested his head on the old wood. __My mom, who had been strangely silent up to this point, went over and put her arms around him, whispering quietly to him as we watched._

_Edward looked down at me, confused._

"_Daddy?" __I croaked out._

_I had never seen my father cry before that moment, not even when Gramma and Grampie Swan had died. __When he turned around his eyes were wet, red, and looked very sad. __He held his arms out to me. __"Bells..."_

_I ran to him and he hugged me harder than I ever remembered he'd done and we cried together._

"_I'm sorry, Daddy," I sobbed._

"_I know, baby," he replied gruffly as he rubbed my back._

_After a few minutes, he released me and walked over to where the Cullens were standing. __I was totally expecting Edward to lose his shit and pass out, but he didn't._

"_Sir, I'm sorry. __If you want to arrest me, please go ahead, but I didn't rape Bella. __I love her too much to ever hurt her, sir. __You know that.__We've been best friends forever and I would never do anything to intentionally harm her."_

"_Charlie," was all my dad said to that._

_I saw the confusion on the faces of everyone in the room._

"_Excuse me, sir?"_

_Dad sighed, ran his fingers through his hair and put his hand on Edward's shoulder. __"You're family now, kiddo. __Call me Charlie before I change my mind and fetch my rifle."_

_And in a move I will NEVER forget, my dad pulled Edward into a hug and they cried together. __While this moving scene was taking place, Carlisle and Esme hugged my mom, who was still shocked speechless._

_I stood alone, sort of, because I could feel the baby in there, letting me know everything would be okay._

God, I missed my parents so much.

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**_Did that help a bit with the back story? _**

**_Please let me know what you're thinking by hitting the green/white button. I love to hear your thoughts, your theories, etc._**

**_I don't mean to be a review hoooor, but I'm sick and need a pick-me-up. ;)_**


	7. Chapter 7

_Mad props to my triple threat betas, **Katmom**, **Minnakoda**, and **Sophilia Tantrum**, who spend enormous amounts of their precious time reading the chapters, fixing boo-boos and helping me fill in the holes. CONTEXT!_

**_SM owns the TS. I own some new-to-me furniture that I LOVE, and this story._**

**OH! There is a very low chance you'll need a tissue for this one...YES FOLKS, people smile and laugh and have fun in this story occasionally!**

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_**Jasper**_

Waffles.

For the second day in a row, Alice and I awoke to the smell of happiness. What made it sweeter was that we had slept in our own bed, uninterrupted by Bella screaming.

"Did we die and go to heaven?" I asked as I stretched. "Mm…a guy could get used to this."

Alice mirrored my movements, placing a sweet kiss on my nose, and said, "I'm not questioning anything at this point in time. I just want to soak it up and enjoy the silence."

My girl was just too beautiful and I couldn't quash the need to consume her again. It had always been that way, since the first moment I laid eyes on her. She was the beautiful, magical, and wondrous creature who, for some reason, needed me too. I don't know how I got so lucky to find my spiky-haired pixie, but I thanked the good Lord every day that I had found her. I smiled before leaning in and nipping at her earlobe, throwing her into a gale of musical giggles. "Have I told you lately that I love you, darlin'?"

She smiled sweetly and wrapped her slim arms around me. "Mm…I think you did a good job of showing me last night, but I do love hearing the words fall from your perfect lips. Say it again?"

I rolled us over so I was hovering above her. "I love you, Miss Brandon."

Alice raised her head a little and rubbed noses with me. "How much?"

Oh, she wants to play _this_ game, does she? "I love you enough to climb the highest mountain and scream it for the world to hear."

She pondered it, playfully batting her eyes at me. "That's quite a bit, Mr. Hale, but I think you can do better."

Hmm…time to bring out the semi-automatic weapons. "My, my, aren't you picky. Je t'aimerai jusqu'au fin du monde, mon coeur."

Shivers ran through Alice's tiny body. "Oh, I love when you speak French. Mm…so sexy. What did you say?"

"I said I would love you 'til the end of the world, my love." I smiled and kissed her chin. "So, is that enough?"

Again, she pondered it, teasing me further. Oh, how she loved to tease me. "I think you can do a _little_ better."

Time to bring out the big guns now. I wanted to play this up, so I tried to draw on my high school drama training. I got up from the bed, totally naked I might add, sighed heavily, and walked over to my messenger bag. I put some extra swagger into my walk because I knew Alice was watching me saunter across the room. Looking back over my shoulder, I'm pretty sure I caught her drooling because I saw her quickly wipe her mouth.

I laughed to myself. This was so not how I pictured this happening; me sashaying across the bedroom with my cock and balls swaying in the breeze, but oh well, this was as good a time as any to do this, and it was so us.

"What're you doing, baby?" she called out as I rummaged in my bag. "There's lube in the drawer, and, ooh! Did you buy me a present? Did you buy us a new toy?" She bounced up and down on the bed in her excitement, clapping her hands like a little kid at Christmas.

My girl and her one-track sexual mind. I chuckled quietly to myself as I prepared for what I was about to do. Turning around, I walked back to the bed to the woman I love. "I wanted to do this differently, baby," I said, kneeling in front of her beside the bed. "I didn't picture myself proposing in my birthday suit because it goes against my southern gentleman upbringing, but since you insist... " I cleared my throat in preparation for what I was about to say, "Mary Alice Brandon, my life began four years ago on the day that I first saw you in the hallway of the dorm. You were complimenting my sister on her sweater and in that moment, I knew that you were my complement. You are the other half of my whole, and I am nothing without you. You are my life and I can't live without you. It would make me the happiest porn store clerk and future school teacher in the world if you would do me the honour of proudly accepting my Grandma Hale's ring."

"WHAAAAAAT?" she shrieked, sitting up on her knees and bouncing on the bed.

I tried so very hard not to cry, but I was getting emotional. "Alice, will you please marry me?"

The moment was shattered when all of a sudden a second shrieking voice chimed in. "OH MY GOD! MY EYES!" Bella screamed, shielding her eyes from the nudity before her. She ran back out into the hallway.

Bella's intrusion didn't phase Alice one bit. "YES! OH, YES! Jasper I love you!" she squealed as she threw herself into my arms. I smiled into her hair and thanked the good Lord for the tiny, energetic, blessing I was holding.

_**Bella**_

I was laughing in the hallway as I tried to get the sight of a naked, semi-aroused, Jasper down on one knee, proposing to an equally naked Alice.

"Will you two please get dressed so I can hug you?" I called out.

Alice flew out the door, robe untied in her excitement, tackling me to the ground and flashing me in the process. "Bella, he proposed! Look at my ring, isn't it beautiful? It was Grandma Hale's wedding ring. Oh my God, I'm getting married, Bella! Will you be my maid of honour? We need to buy dresses and invitations and…"

"Slow down, Ali," I said, still laughing, "breathe, Pixie. Why don't we have breakfast and then we'll start working on the details. It's not like you're getting married tomorrow or anything, are you?"

"No. God, I hope not. Jazzy, honey," she called toward the bedroom, "we're not getting married tomorrow, are we?"

"No, darlin'," he called back, chuckling. "We need to save up some money."

When I heard movement coming from the other room, I pushed the half-naked pixie off of me, got up, and threw myself at Jasper. "Congrats, Jazzy; it's about time."

He hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head. "Thanks, Bells. Do I smell waffles?"

Crap! "Oh shit!"

I heard a knock at the door while I was checking on the waffles. Before I could turn around to see who it was, I was lifted off my feet and put in a bear hug.

"Emmett, put me down!"

"Baby Girl made my favourite," he said, drooling over the small stack of waffles on the counter.

Rosalie planted a kiss on my cheek. "I told him you'd probably be making them this morning, or that we could probably talk you into it."

Emmett set me back down on terra firma, and I smacked him on the arm. After scrutinizing him for a moment, I asked the inevitable question. "Are you wearing the same clothes you had on last night?"

He blushed. "Maybe."

"I am so not serving you my super special waffles while you're wearing your _walk of shame_ outfit."

It was hard not to laugh at him when he waggled his eyebrows and said quite proudly, "Ain't no shame in my game, Baby Girl."

"I know," I said, sighing dramatically. "Look, it's going to take me some time to make another triple batch of batter, so why don't you go home and change."

"Triple?"

"I remember your appetite, big guy." I tapped his belly. "If the rest of us have any hope of eating anything, I need to stockpile."

Emmett laughed, and then stopped. "What if Eddie wants to know where I'm going? I can't lie to him."

I slapped him again. "Don't call him Eddie, he hates that. Just tell him to get dressed, climb out of his broody drawer, and join us for our little brunch celebration."

His mouth hung agape. "Really?"

As annoyed as I still was with Edward, and as much as I knew I would probably regret this decision in the end, I couldn't bear the thought of him being home alone while we were all together. "Yes, Emmett, really."

"What're we celebrating?" he asked, curiosity flashing in his eyes.

I pointed him toward the grinning couple across the room. "Alice, care to answer this one?"

She grabbed Jasper's hand and smiled as he held up their clasped hands to show off the ring.

Rosalie squealed. "Oh my God, Grandma's ring! I'm finally going to have a sister. Congratulations, guys." She slapped her twin, "It's about freaking time, Jasper."

While they oohed and aahed over the ring, Emmett took me aside. "Are you absolutely sure you're okay with Edward coming over?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't. Look, I'm still beyond pissed off with him, but it makes me sad to think of him home, alone, and over-thinking everything."

Emmett smiled gently and spoke quietly. "You still love him, don't you?"

Reluctantly, I nodded. "I always will, Emmy. Will I ever be _in love_ with him again? I can't say. He burned me bad and I'm afraid it will always be an issue. Right now I'm trying to deal with being friends, so let's leave it there, okay?"

He ruffled my hair. "You got it, Baby Girl. Alrighty then, I'll go change and grab the deep, dark, and broody one and we'll be back for waffles. Oh, you got any strawberries and whipped cream?"

"No, I was…" I turned to the cupboard to grab the real Canadian maple syrup.

"Syrup? No berries and cream? Oh, Bella, what happened?" Emmett scoffed and looked at me with mock disbelief written across his face.

"I wasn't expecting to feed an army of picky, demanding people today. We usually just have them with the pure maple syrup."

Puffing out his chest a bit, he spoke in a superhero voice. "Then I shall pick up some supplies while I'm out."

"Thanks, Em. Waffle Man to the rescue!"

He ruffled my hair as he laughed aloud. "Hi-ho syrup away! Hey, Rosie, I'm heading out to change and grab my brother. You want to stay here?"

Rosalie ran over and gave him a kiss. "You go ahead. I want to stay here and talk girlie stuff with Alice."

"Okay, babe, see you guys in a bit." Emmett said, as he walked toward the door. I looked over at Rosalie, who was quite evidently watching him leave, or rather, watching his butt leave. As much as it kills me to say it, Emmett's got a great ass. God, I feel so weird saying that, he's like my brother, but it's true.

When the door closed, Rose straightened up, ran her fingers through her perfect blonde hair, and nonchalantly walked back toward the living room, totally unaware that I had seen the whole thing. She had it BAD, and I couldn't be happier for her.

Rose had had a rough go of things with men in the past. From what I've been told, she was burned quite badly by a boyfriend in high school, and she never really fully regained her trust in them enough to let them get close. In our undergrad years she was kind of like Emmett-suck 'em, fuck 'em, and chuck 'em-which made it all the more delicious that the two of them had found each other. I hoped that things would go well for them; they were perfect together.

I turned my attention away from Rose and back to the task at hand…more waffles. If I didn't love Emmett so much, I so wouldn't be going out of my way. I'd be eating and enjoying my breakfast, instead of developing carpal tunnel syndrome from hand-mixing all the damn batter.

But I love him, and the others, and that alone is enough.

_**Edward**_

"She what?" I mumbled sleepily. I shook my head trying to figure out why my idiot brother had barged into my room mumbling nonsense about Bella and waking me up.

"Bella invited you over for waffles. Now get your ass out of bed and get ready. I'm taking first shower."

I watched as my brother skipped off to the bathroom. Man, I must be dreaming if I'm watching Em skipping like a little girl, and Bella invited me over for breakfast. Have I woken up in an alternate universe?

"Don't forget to take your Paxil, Edward," Emmett called out from the shower.

"Thanks, Mom," I called back sarcastically. "I'll do it right away."

I shuffled out to the kitchen for a glass of water and a pill. My hand jerked twice as I tried to open the pesky prescription bottle. Paxil helped somewhat with the panic, but it had started causing my hands to twitch uncontrollably, which was annoying for a musician. I should make an appointment to see about that; can't be mid-pianissimo with a hand hell-bent on forte. I chuckled morosely at the mental picture of me fighting with my hand in the middle of a concert.

So Bella invited me over for waffles. Wow. This was monumental, not to mention mouth-watering; Bella's waffles were legendary. She used to come over to our house on Sundays - that is, before she moved in - and make them for everyone. It was her Nana Swan's secret recipe, and I had never in all the years that followed, found a waffle that rivaled hers. They were just light enough, crispy enough, tasty enough…oh man, did I just drool on myself?

I loved waking up to the vanilla smell that permeated the house, and I really enjoyed helping her get everything ready; chopping berries, slicing bananas, coring pineapples, making homemade chocolate and strawberry sauce. Over the years, Emmett had developed a habit of experimenting with toppings until he found the ones that he liked most. Bella and I had settled on the same combo, quite often sneaking off to the sun porch to eat ours together. When Emma came along, the three of us would eat out there and enjoy some quiet family time away from the others.

For that matter, Bella still insisted on making waffles on Sunday mornings even when she was so pregnant she thought she might burst.

Pregnant Bella…

"Your turn, mon frère," Emmett called out, snapping me back to attention.

Shuffling back to the bathroom, I stripped down. As soon as I was naked, I felt a sharp pain in my left butt cheek. "Ow, you son of a bitch! Emmett, quit snapping my ass with your towel, and what the hell are you doing in here? Can't I have five minutes to shower in private?"

"There's no time, chop chop, wash up and let's go. I want to be sure you're not going to deal with your morning wood while you're in there; there's a hot woman and hot waffles waiting for us."

Resigning myself to the fact that I would not be showering in solitude, I figured I might as well talk to him while I washed up. Maybe pry into his life a little, like he had been doing with mine recently. I had to speak loudly over the sound of the water. He hadn't come home last night, and that usually meant that he was in full-on mack daddy mode. "Em, what happened to taking things slow with Rose? I thought she was worth waiting for."

"Who said we had sex?" He asked as he lathered shaving cream on his stubbly face.

Well, slap my ass and call me Shirley. I poked my head out of the curtain so I could see his eyes when he answered me. Emmett is a terrible liar. "You didn't?"

"Nope."

"Nothing happened?" I asked, suspiciously. I know my brother, something MUST have happened.

"Well, I can't say _nothing_ happened, because something did. We just didn't seal the deal, so to say." I watched as his eyebrows arched and a sly grin broke through the foamy lather on his face.

"Oh. Gotcha." I knew it! I went back to lathering up my hair; I needed to hurry up or he might jump into the shower and wash me himself.

"I really like her, kiddo, like REALLY like her; like I want to introduce her to Mom and Dad and make babies with her."

"Not while you're introducing her to Mom and Dad, right? That might be awkward." I couldn't help myself, he left it wide open.

"Oh my God!" Emmett said, dropping his razor into the sink, "did Edward Cullen just make a funny?"

Sticking my head out of the shower, I waggled my eyebrows at my brother. "I may have."

"Please excuse me while I pass out. Now hurry the hell up, I'm starving."

I couldn't help but smile as I rinsed the shampoo from my hair. _Today might be a good day after all._

_**Bella**_

I was elbow-deep in waffle batter when the sound of a familiar velvet voice startled me. The spatula flew from my hand and clattered to the floor.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you. Emmett asked me to bring in this bag of, how did he put it? Waffle necessities?" Edward said as he set down the bags and helped to clean up the mess on the floor.

"Thanks," I said smiling sheepishly.

When I stood up and saw the bag of supplies on the kitchen counter, a long string of expletives flew from my mouth. "Does he think I'm feeding an army? Sweet baby Jebus, Em," I shouted, "What the hell is all of this?"

"Supplies!" he called from the living room, where he was tangled up in Rosalie. "I thought I'd give you options."

Shit, I know he was just trying to be nice, but he just tripled my work. "This isn't freaking IHOP, Em. I'm starting to rethink this whole waffle thing."

"I can help," Edward offered quietly. "I think I can still remember how to do the sauces."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, I appreciate it, SINCE NO ONE ELSE OFFERED TO HELP!" I shouted in the direction of the other four.

"We'll do the dishes, darlin'" Jasper drawled.

"Don't you think for a minute that that southern accent of yours will work, Jasper Hale. You bet your arse you'll be doing the dishes."

Edward busied himself with unloading the _supplies_ while I bantered back and forth with the gang in the living room. They were so easy to joke around with, and I was feeling so at ease, that it didn't feel the least bit weird that Edward was sitting there…staring at me? I got so caught up in him gawking at me that I tripped. Luckily, I caught myself before I could belly flop onto the floor, but it didn't go unnoticed that Edward was laughing at me. Standing back up, I scowled at him.

"Are you enjoying the show, Cullen?" I said; my hands on my hips, my lips pulled into an annoyed pout.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he lied, feigning innocence.

"I heard your girlish giggle; don't even bother trying to deny it."

"Girlish giggle? There was nothing remotely girlie about that _laugh_," he said, emphasizing the last word. "It was a manly chuckle at best."

Pointing my spatula at him, I declared loudly, "Ah ha! You admit you were laughing at me."

Edward put his hands up in mock surrender. "Busted. Yes, I'll admit it, I was laughing at your near-fall. I'm sorry."

I sighed dramatically. "Oh, okay, you're forgiven this time. Now get back to work on chopping berries."

"Yes ma'am, understood."

We fell into an old rhythm in the kitchen; the years apart seemed non-existent as we performed a beautiful culinary tango. I didn't need to announce my movements because it seemed that Edward was still so attuned to them he was able to anticipate where I was going next. It made me smile, but it made me sad at the same time. We could have been great, me and Edward. We were a terrific team, but now? Sigh.

Twenty minutes later, we surveyed the grand repast set out on the breakfast bar; there were stacks and stacks of waffles and enough toppings to feed a platoon of starving Emmetts.

"It's ready," I announced.

Not two seconds later, the four others swarmed the feast and began heaping their plates full of waffles and the various toppings and sauces Edward and I had prepared.

"Hey, save some for us, would you?" I complained. "We worked hard and would like to taste the fruits of our labour, or at least the fruits of Edward's labour."

"Heh, heh," Emmett chuckled, mouth full of waffle, "Bella just called you a fruit, brother."

"I swear sometimes you're as mature as your students, Em." Edward replied, playfully smacking his brother across the back of the head.

"Heey! Why does everyone keep hitting me today?" Emmett whined.

It made my heart both swell with love and hurt immensely as I watched the Cullen brothers kidding around. It was so easy to forget that anything bad had happened at all, until it all crashed down on me. I could feel that familiar tightening in my chest, so not wanting to interrupt breakfast; I quietly slipped off to my bedroom to regroup. I lay on my bed in the dim light and practiced some deep breathing techniques I'd learned from a therapist.

I felt the bed dip down beside me, and because I recognized the amount of shift in the mattress, I knew immediately who it was, I didn't open my eyes.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked quietly.

I remained quiet for a moment before exhaling a deep breath. "Yup, I just needed a minute; I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Go eat your breakfast before King Kong Cullen does; and don't think he won't, because he will. Emmett is not to be trusted."

"Are you sure? Don't you want any?" She sounded worried and I felt bad about it, but there was nothing I could do right now. I needed some breathing space, and I knew that while she understood that, she still fretted over me way too much.

"Don't worry, Mother Hen, I hid a couple of waffles in the toaster oven. I'll eat later. Please, go eat."

A gentle kiss on my forehead and the feel of the mattress shifting indicated when Alice left me and I was finally alone again.

It was the smell of chocolate and strawberry that snapped me out of my trance a few minutes later. The bed dipped down again, but this time it didn't feel like Alice. A surge of energy forced my eyes open. "Edward?"

"Sorry, Emmett found your stash and I wanted to be sure you didn't miss out."

I looked down at his hands and smiled at what I saw. I felt a pang of sadness, and joy at the same moment and it confused me. I was touched by his gesture.

"You remembered," I whispered.

Pink crept up Edward's perfect, pale cheeks. "Yes, bottom layer is waffle, bananas, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream. Second layer is waffle, strawberries, chocolate sauce and a drizzle of strawberry sauce. On top we have more whipped cream."

"Thank you, I appreciate it."

"Thank you, Bella, for…"

"Shh, don't."

We sat in near silence while I ate; the only sounds were my quiet moans of pleasure. I made it through half of my plate before groaning and offering the rest to Edward.

"Was it okay?" he asked, nervously.

Was he worried he'd done something wrong? "It was perfect, why?"

"You didn't finish."

For emphasis, I rubbed my belly. "I'm full."

"You used to…"

Shit. I guess now's a good a time as any to start this unavoidable conversation. "I used to do a lot of things, Edward. I'm not the same Bella you knew. I'm Bella 2.0, the _enhanced_ and somewhat defective version."

"Don't say that," he replied quietly, "I can still see my Bella in there."

"_Your Bella_? Again with the '_my Bella'_. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude after you made my favourite breakfast and saved it from Emmett. But you lost the right to lay claim to me five years ago, and you really don't know me well enough anymore to say you have the slightest idea who I am."

Edward mumbled a quick _sorry_ and tried to get up. I sighed, running my hands through my hair, I could have worded that so much better, I needed to fix it.

"Please don't go; I didn't mean for you to leave. I want to…geez, please don't make me regret this, but I want to give you a chance to…man, this is awkward." I paused, staring down at my hands, gathering the courage to finish what I started. "Edward, I'd like to get to know each other again."

"Uh…" was his stunned response.

"I've been so angry with you for so long," I said, pulling on a loose thread on my mauve duvet,completely unable to look him in the eye, "and I'm really starting to question my sanity on this—God, this is moving so fast, maybe too fast--but I'm tired of hating you, tired of being angry, tired of feeling bad."

"You're rambling," he said, as he placed a shaky hand on mine, stilling it from unraveling all of the stitches in the fabric.

I laughed and chanced a quick glance at him, blushing. "I am, aren't I?"

"Yeah, a little."

I tried to maintain eye contact with him as I tried to explain myself. "So, uh, do you want to try, I don't know, being friends? I mean, Emmett's hooked up with Rose now, and I live with the newly-engaged couple; there's no need for us to be alone, right? I mean, I'm not saying that we have to hang out all the time, but…"

Edward's eyes lit up and he smiled, making me melt. Oh, how I had missed that smile. "I'd like that."

"But first, do you swear that you won't break my heart again?"

The light in his eyes dimmed, and a look of pain flashed across his eyes. "I can't promise anything but to try to not break your heart. I am a terribly flawed individual, Bella."

It was hard not to laugh in his face, so instead I scoffed. "And I'm Ms. Perfect? HA! You kill me. Seriously, though, are you willing to put up with my weirdness, my outbursts, my seizures, my brain farts, and my really bad days?"

"Yes, of course, if you'll let me." He took my hand in his.

I lifted his chin so he was truly looking at me, so he could see I was being completely serious. "Are you sure you're able to handle me on my REALLY bad days?"

He nodded. "Yes."

I paused for moment, laced my fingers with his, and smiled weakly because I really wasn't sure I knew what I was doing. "Okay then."

He held up his free hand. "I also have stipulations."

I shook my head and chuckled. "Oh you do? Please put forth your conditions, sir."

"One, you need to understand that I, too, have bad days, so you might have to put up with them from time to time. Two, I'm probably going to do something at some point to piss you off, so I ask for your patience while I acclimatize myself to Bella version 2.0."

Cocking my head to the side, I considered his first two conditions. "Sounds reasonable so far."

He looked really nervous about his next condition. I couldn't even begin to fathom what it was to make him so tense. He unlaced our fingers and ran his hand through his hair a couple of times before speaking. "Three, Emmett likes to keep tabs on me at all times, so we are essentially a package deal. That being said, you'll have to put up with Em and his foul mouth, foul scents, and bottomless pit of a stomach."

I liked that condition. Time spent with Emmett was time well-spent. "I look forward to that, I've missed him." I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face.

"Good, my one last one is reciprocal; if there is something I don't want to talk about, for whatever reason, please respect that I'll tell you eventually, in my own time. I will try to do the same for you."

Nodding, I extended a hand to him. "I can respect that. Do we have an understanding?"

Edward grasped my hand in his and shook it. "Yes."

"Good, now do you want my cold leftovers or do I feed the bottomless pit?"

* * *

**_How was that? Did you enjoy a lighter chapter for a change?_**

**_Despite the fact that I am a self-proclaimed Grinch, I kind of feel like giving you a small gift, so, EACH REVIEW GETS YOU A SNIPPET OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!_**

**_I also thought I'd mention some fics that own me at the moment:_**

**Maybe by 107yearoldvirgin**

**Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon**

**Safe Haven by Snowqueens Icedragon**

**Picture Windows by nerac**

**High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodtype**

**Dearly Departed by lambcullen **

**Edward Wallbanger by feathersmmmm**

**and of course**

**Clipped Wings and Inked Armor by hunterhunting (which owns me in ways I never thought possible)**


	8. Chapter 8

**_I know, I'm early posting this chapter. My reasons are two-fold. I left poor Naomi hanging, and I hate the thought of her being all annoyed with me, and the next few days are going to be sheer insanity for me. So, guess who wins? YOU! The few and devoted fans of this story._**

**_If I have a few minutes this weekend, you MIGHT get an extra chapter this week._**

**_As usual, I owe my first born child (*snort*) to my three angels, Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophilia Tantrum for wading through the crap to find the good and fix my boo-boos._**

**_Stephenie Meyer is impossibly rich and gracious. I am impossibly broke and blessed.

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

If I hadn't had my friends to keep me grounded and remind me that Edward was now back in my life, I'd have thought it was all a dream. Thankfully, things were busy at the store to keep my mind occupied, and away from daydreaming about him. I was now sorting through resumes and interviewing prospective employees on top of my regular duties, including the never-ending inventory checks. With school starting up soon, I really needed to cut back on my hours, and eventually phase myself out. Jasper was also heading back to school, so we needed to find a reliable daytime person. With every resume I looked at, the more frustrated I became with myself for not doing this sooner.

The resumes ranged from okay to the mundane. One in particular made me shake my head: it was submitted by a guy who was a Boy Scout Troop leader. Do you suppose the heads of the organization would be overly thrilled that one of their fearless leaders was working in a porn store? My favourite, though, was the one submitted by the guy who spelled the name of his high school wrong, which was bad in itself, but it seems he graduated from _Harry Street Pubic Scool_ AND he was an _Engish Honers student_.

There was a heavy-hearted debate raging in my head about whether or not I could handle graduate studies and working. It had been easier as an undergrad; I was able to do homework at the store, but as much as I hated to admit it, I did have physical limitations that tended to manifest when I was tired, like memory lapses, blackouts, shaking, a decline in my motor skills, and seizures. I had completed my undergrad degree in three and a half years, something a 100% able-bodied and able-brained person would struggle with, let alone someone with my deficiencies. I had worked hard, and I was damn proud of how far I had come. The doctors had said not to get my hopes up on even making it to university, let alone being able to keep up in regular classes.

In first year, I was lucky that I shared many of the same foundation classes as Alice and Rosalie, so they were able to take notes and help me out; however, when I was on my own, I relied heavily on a tape recorder to get me through. I spent many hours hunched over a notepad, headphones on, listening and re-listening to lectures in order to get the notes down properly. By my final year, I was a pro, and had gotten to the point where, although I recorded my classes, I only referred back to them for the few holes in my notes. My note-taking skills had improved, and it seemed at times that my memory was also starting to strengthen. It took me a while, but I finally figured out ways to re-train my brain to think, to process, and to remember.

Because my motor coordination had been poor and slow by times, my professors would often allow me to do exams outside of the classroom with a TA, or even take some orally. It drove me nuts that I had to ask for special privileges, but my classmates never begrudged my special treatment; they knew I was a hard worker and many of them fought to have me in their groups when it came down to group presentations. They understood that I knew what I was doing and would fully immerse myself into every project.

Although it broke my heart that I had no one but Alice, Rose, Jasper and a few other friends in the audience when I walked across the stage to get my degree (with honours), it was still a huge accomplishment for a girl who was supposed to be dead. I had overcome so many things, both the physical and emotional, that it was a very proud moment for me. In fact, I received a standing ovation from my graduating class.

Now I was back to being a little fish in a big pond of academics. I desperately wanted to do well this time around; I didn't want to work in a porn store forever, and it was this desire to succeed that led me to my decision to eventually leave the store and devote my time to my studies.

Working at the store had been a great distraction, and had helped me avoid dipping into the insurance money. I had enough from my settlement and my parents' life insurance payout to live like a queen for several lifetimes, but that wasn't my style, and it felt too much like blood money. I knew my parents would want me to use it, and I had finally reconciled myself to that very fact. It was time to suck it up and do what needed to be done.

After a week of interviews, toy shipments, and other minutiae, I was just about ready for my weekend to begin. I was just doing yet another inventory check and grumbling to myself about head office's paranoia of theft getting to be a little too much, when I heard the door chime. When I turned around, I grinned as I saw Alfie walking in.

"Hey, sunshine, how's my girl?" he said with a big smile.

I walked around the counter to give him a hug. "Hi, Alfie. How're you doing?"

"Well, the rheumatiz is acting up, but I'm otherwise well. How're you? You look different," he said, looking me up and down. "Yeah, you…you don't look as tired, if I may say so."

I blushed a little at his observation. "Thanks, I guess. I've actually been sleeping a little better; I didn't realize it was so noticeable. Hmm…"

He started to walk back toward the movies, but stopped. "Oh, before I forget, there's an exceptionally handsome young man pacing back and forth in front of the store."

I smiled. "How handsome is he, Alfie?"

"Devastatingly handsome, dear, with the most unique coloured hair, and the most incredible green eyes."

"Ah, I know the exact young man of which you speak. Can you excuse me for a moment?"

"Of course. Do you need me to hold him down?" Alfie said, waggling his bushy eyebrows.

I laughed out loud. "I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

He nodded.

"I'll introduce you. Just give me a second."

I walked out the door and sure enough, Edward was pacing in the neon pink glow of the window display.

"Hi, Edward."

He jumped at the sound of my voice. "Oh, hi. Sorry, I…"

"It's okay, are you coming in?" I replied, smiling.

"Is that okay?" he said, sounding more nervous.

"Yes, but if you're going to hang out with me at work, you're going to have to stop being skittish and you'll have to help me do inventory."

I noticed that he relaxed a little bit; he even smirked at me. "Man, Bella, your list of requirements gets longer every time I see you."

"What can I say? I'm a demanding woman and a cruel mistress. Now come on, there's someone inside who wants to meet you. He's a dear old friend, so please be nice."

"I'm always nice, Bella. Your suggestion that I might be otherwise hurts me."

"Come on, Mr. Wonderful." I grabbed his arm and dragged him into the store, trying to ignore the jolt of electricity shooting up my arm. "Alfie, sweetie?"

The little old gray-haired man peered around the corner. "Yes, Sunshine?"

"Sunshine?" Edward remarked, raising one eyebrow at me and flashing me that signature smirk.

I slapped him. "Shh, Edward, behave. Alfie, I want you to meet the raving lunatic from out front. This is an old friend of mine, Edward. Edward, this is Alfie, my sweetest, most loveable customer."

"I must say that your Edward gives our Jasper a run for his money, Sunshine. It's a pleasure meeting you. Please don't let any of her nasty stories about me taint your perception of me."

Edward laughed after blushing several increasingly dark shades of red. "So you take good care of Bella?"

"I do. Well, I try. She's a pretty independent woman."

"Well, thank you for your efforts, Alfie, she's a very special woman."

It was my turn to blush. I needed to act quickly to divert their attention from the rosy mottling on my pale cheeks. "Okay, then. Alfie, pick out your movies, and Edward, grab that box for me, please."

I suppose I should have warned him that the box weighed a ton. He grunted a couple of times, but managed to lift it and carry it over to the counter where he slammed it down. "What the hell is in here? Anvils?"

The look on his face was priceless as I told him the contents. "Butt plugs." I giggled "Now, I need you to call out the product names while I check them off my list, then we'll price them and put them on the shelf."

"Yes, ma'am. Jasper was right, you do run a tight ship," he said, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Someone has to. I think Jasper and Alice only work here for the discount on sex toys and movies."

"Discounts? Wow, that's a definite perk," he said, chuckling.

"It is a great perk." Oh shit, did I say that out loud? I mentally calculated the chances of him not having heard that.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

Oh shit, I DID say that out loud_._ "So, uh, yeah, on to the butt plugs. Call out your first one, please."

Edward reached fearfully into the box and pulled out a hot pink unit, and I could only assume that its girth was what made him shudder. "Uh, well, it's…uh…hot pink and it's called…oh Jesus, Bella do I have to?"

This was too good to be true. Oh, how I wished I had a witness to this spectacle. How long would he last doing this? "I told you, if you want to hang out, you have to help. Come on, suck it up, Buttercup. What's it called?"

"The Hot Stuffer."

I laughed as I watched him try to touch as little of the packaging as possible. The look of revulsion on his face was priceless. "It's wrapped up, Edward, you won't catch anything by touching it. Wow, you're still a prude, aren't you?"

He pouted. "Just because Bella 2.0 is sexually liberated doesn't mean that I am. I'm not a prude, Bella, but looking at this is making my ass hurt."

As much as I was enjoying watching him squirm, I knew we'd never get anything done like this. I handed him the list. "Fine, here, take the clipboard, you can check off the names as I call them out."

We actually worked well together, pausing only to laugh at some of the names, or to tease one another if one of us was caught blushing. It was mostly Edward, his cheeks frequently pinking up, and it made me happy to make him fidget.

_**Edward**_

When the box of butt plugs was finished, we moved over to the wall of lingerie and costumes. Again, she called out the items while I crossed them off the list, thankful I didn't have to call out the embarrassing titles. I'm no prude; Bella and I had A LOT of sex when we were together, even after Emma came along. We might have been engaging in activities a little less, uh, provocative at the time, but just the same, I was no prude. I just felt uncomfortable being around this stuff with her. It was hard to remain objective. As we were working on the lingerie, my mind kept wandering, wondering how Bella would look in the naughty nurse outfit, or the rubber cat suit. Despite the fact that she was so thin, she was still stunning, and parts of me that hadn't stirred in a very long time suddenly sprung to life, and one part in particular was beginning to become a problem.

Lucky for me some customers came in and required assistance. I took this opportunity to ask where the washroom was located, and quickly retreated there to try to calm down. It was hard to do; my dick has a mind of its own, and it had been so long since I'd had sex or even thought about it, that I was afraid I'd have to resort to, uh, extreme measures in order to subdue the raging hard on in my jeans. I hadn't really thought about sex all that often since Bella's accident. I figured it was a side effect of the anti-depressants I was taking. Really, though, there was only one girl in the world who could turn me on and she was…

…banging on the bathroom door. Shit.

"Edward, do you need a magazine or anything? You've been in there for a while—if you need to rub one off, I can provide visual aids."

Oh, you already have_._ Oh God, Oh God Oh God, I can't believe she thought I was in here masturbating! I tried to compose myself, so I didn't sound guilty, even though I knew I had nothing to feel guilty about. "No, thanks, I'm okay. I'll be right out."

I know I looked embarrassed as I emerged from the washroom, only to find Bella standing there, staring at me expectantly, a hint of amusement evident on her face. The look of mirth on her face quickly shifted to one of worry, as she looked at me a little closer.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, concerned. "You're looking a little pale. Come on, let's take a break; I'll grab you a bottle of water."

"What? You're not going to offer me a beer?" Oh shit! Foot in mouth, Edward. Shit! She's going to know I've been here already.

Bella stopped and turned to face me, looking at me questioningly. "How do you know about the beer?"

_Oh shit._ "Well, I, uhh… I sorta stopped by the other night and hung out with Jasper. He was the one who filled me in on the beer."

She looked confused. "Why were you hanging out with Jasper? Better yet, when were you hanging out with Jasper?"

"Uh, well, the night after, uh, well, the night after we first saw each other. I…well," I stumbled in the dark, searching blindly for words that would make this okay. Unable to find them, I blurted out the raw truth. "I was worried about you. I wanted to know you were okay, so I came down here. I was with Jasper when you had a panic attack and asked him to come home. I was sitting on the bench outside beside him. I, uh," I spoke the next words quietly. "I, uh, I heard you crying and it broke me."

Bella turned and walked back toward the counter. Unable to gauge her reaction, I ran after her. "I'm so sorry, Bella, I wasn't spying and I know I had no right to ask about you, but…"

She turned back to me and handed me a beer.

"It's okay, Edward. Chill."

"Really?"

She sighed as she cracked open a bottle for herself. "You've always been a little stalker-ish, so why should now be any different. Cheers," she said, raising her bottle.

I sat on the floor behind the counter, legs splayed before me, watching Bella working. Her behaviour was nothing short of bizarre; her easy acceptance of my presence in her life was both comforting in unimaginable ways yet extremely disconcerting. Her demeanor scared me - it was almost manic - she'd gone from having panic attacks and fits of anger to joking around with me like nothing happened.

But something had happened and I knew now, more than ever, that I'd failed epically. I had broken her beautiful spirit when her body was already broken. I committed the ultimate sin against an angel. _Betrayal._

How could I have given up on such a perfect love? There was a time when we'd believed our love would conquer all, even the trials and tribulations of teenaged parenting. How could I have turned his back on her, on us?

Something smacked me in the head. "Yo, Edward?"

"Sorry," I said, rubbing the top of my head.

Bella knelt beside me. "You're over-thinking again."

Smiling weakly, I placed a hand over hers. "You can still read me like an open book."

Her face softened, and I could feel the trademark _Bella Swan Compassion _rolling off her in hot waves. "Please don't sit and stew, Edward. Don't sit here, or anywhere else for that matter, and ruminate over the _what ifs_ or go twelve rounds with yourself. I'm trying very hard to move on, and I need you to do the same. Got it?"

She was incredible. I was not. I nodded gently.

She frowned before running a warm, shaking hand over my forehead. "Try not to think with your brow, I'd hate to see that beautiful face of yours marred by early-onset wrinkles." Smiling, she extended the same shaky hand to me. "Tyler will be here soon. Why don't you help me go over some resumes; I need to hire someone pronto and no one I've interviewed so far has been good enough."

"You're hiring someone? Who's leaving?"

She pulled him up, and turned back to the desk. "Me."

"What? Really?"

She spoke as she dug through a pile of papers in a folder. "Yeah. I mean, I'm not totally leaving, at least not yet. I plan on handing over the reins in the next month or so. It's time for me to focus on school."

"Do you have enough money to do that? To quit?"

"Yes," she replied tersely.

I groaned internally, fully knowing I had totally overstepped the boundaries. Finances were one thing upon which we never saw eye-to-eye. Her independent nature and upbringing in a mid-level income family made her more frugal and suspicious of money, gifts and even discussing matters of a financial nature. "I'm sorry, Bella, your finances are none of my business."

"It's okay," she said quietly before handing me a resume. "Make yourself useful."

It felt strange looking at this perfect stranger's curriculum vitae, like I was prying into his private life. I was also not used to perusing for qualities best suited for a porn store clerk. After a couple of moments, I cleared my throat and asked quite earnestly what it was that she was looking for in particular and a list of potential pluses.

She thought for a moment. "I want someone who is fluent in English, Spanish, Yiddish, and Mandarin; they have to hold an MBA or be a certified chartered accountant. They must be a hot single male who is into kinky sex and role play or a woman who enjoys the company of other women."

The floor fell out from underneath me and my jaw dropped into the abyss. I sputtered for a moment before I was able to speak again. "Are you serious?"

The smile that graced her beautiful face lit the already overexposed room to a near celestial level. She was seriously going to break me. "Are you really that gullible? Jebus, Edward, come on; this is a porn store. I need someone with retail experience, preferably managerial, who sounds like they have a good head on their shoulders."

I pulled the pages up to hide my face. I can't believe I fell for it, but then again, Bella could sell me the Brooklyn Bridge for a buck or convince me that her dead father left her a bazillion dollars tied up in diamonds in Africa and she needed me to open up a bank account so she could access it. "Gotcha."

We read resumes quietly to ourselves. I noticed that some of them made her giggle, especially the one that listed _hot monkey sex on a daily basis_ as _related experience_ or the woman who listed her DDD breasts as definite assets to the company.

"Um, Bella, I think you might have a winner here," I said, passing over a sheet of paper.

Bella read his profile aloud. "Adam Dick, age 25, formerly of Montana. Enjoys hiking, swimming, surfing, playing guitar, and writing."

I scoffed. "Sounds like he's looking for a date, not a job."

A smile twitched at the corner of her lips. "He sounds cool. I like him."

Just then, Alice twirled into the store, dragging Jasper behind her. "Who sounds cool?"

Jasper nodded at me. "Did she corrupt you today?"

I shook in mock fear, my voice quivering. "Oh thank God you're here, good sir, this here harlot plied me with pornographic material and forced me to touch sexual devices. My poor virgin eyes."

Bella swatted me again. "Easy, there Eduardo, I seem to recall that you were the first person to expose me to…"

"Don't say it," I said, walking toward her.

She turned to run. "Your PEEN!"

I lunged after her, she shrieked, and the chase was on.

Jasper and Alice watched and laughed as Bella resorted to pelting me with feather boas, lingerie, DVDs, and condoms. Eventually I caught her and pinned her against the wall.

"Gotcha," I said, panting.

_**Bella**_

I nearly moaned at the close contact, ah, hell, I know I moaned. It was the first time in a long time I'd felt anyone other than my roommates so close to me. The sexual tension was heady and thick and I hate to admit that I wanted to jump him right then and there and beg him to make me see stars; to turn back time and love me the way he used to - to make me feel whole again.

"Yeah," I panted, "you got me. What're you gonna do?" Putting my hands on him, I ran them up and down his toned arms looking up at him seductively, licking my lips. "Oh, those biceps—so much bigger than before."

He swallowed hard and because he was pressed so tightly to me, I felt his dick begin to twitch and harden in his pants. "I, uh…"

"Oh, Edward, how I've missed this," I whispered. My hands rested gently on his hips, but as tempted as I was to move them further inland, I instead tickled him in the spot I knew would get him. I had to do something about this now before it got out of hand and I dragged him back to the storeroom and had my way with him. Hmm…should I? Edward sex is sublime…but no…I shouldn't…oh, but the way he does…mmm…it's been so long since…GAH!

He quickly stepped back, squirming, which gave me enough room to step out of his hold and run back out to the front of the store. If I didn't run now, I never would. He had that effect on me and I knew I'd be a goner if I entertained the thought of getting sweaty with him any further.

"Hey!" he cried out. "That was a cheap shot."

It was a cheap shot. I knew I had no right to do that. He obviously still had feelings for me somewhere underneath all that pain and stupidity. I knew this to be true when upon turning around I saw the look on his face; he looked to be near-tears.

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I was still very much irked with him and his past transgressions, but I had no right to do what I had just done. "I'm sorry, Edward. That WAS a cheap shot."

Just then, Alice squealed, requiring me to focus attention back to my best friend.

Alice was bouncing up and down behind the computer while Jasper looked on, shaking his head. "Oh, Bella, come here and see this! Adam Dick is HOT with a capitol stud." She was grinning from ear to ear and beckoning me over.

I smiled weakly at Edward before turning back to the counter. "Did you Google him, Alice?"

"Hells yeah, I sure did. Come look."

Adam Dick was, just as Alice had said, HOT. He was sex personified, if you ever pictured the physical embodiment of sex as being a surfer dude that is. My eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw him, standing shirtless on a beach holding up a longboard. "Wow, he IS hot."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed as Edward shook his head, snuck behind the counter, grabbed his sweater and left quietly. I turned around and watched him make his way toward the door.

"Oh, shit. Edward," I muttered, making a move to go after him.

"Let him go, Bella. It's not your job to protect his feelings anymore," Jasper said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "He didn't protect yours."

I sighed heavily. "Jasper, I can't just let him run off like that; he was obviously upset. I was totally in the wrong on this one."

Again, Jasper played the voice of reason. "Let. Him. Go. Let him stew for a while. I know you two are trying the _friends_ thing again, but he's not your life, Bells. You have to let go."

"What if…" I stuttered, again making a move to go after Edward, who I was sure would be climbing back into the broody drawer and over-thinking everything again.

"What if what? What if he cries? Boo hoo. What if he leaves again? Good riddance. You've done just fine without him all these years, you don't need him. Stop babying him, he doesn't deserve it." Jasper wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "Give him time, and stop teasing him. Blue balls are not a fun thing."

Leaning into Jasper's safe arms, I sighed. "Okay, I guess. I really didn't think he'd react like that."

"He's still in love with you," Alice said, pushing Jasper away from me and taking her turn for a hug.

"I know; I don't know what to do." Well, that wasn't totally true. I wanted to run after him and tear his clothes off and make wild, passionate love to him. I wanted to curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. More than anything, I wanted to comfort him.

"I'm going ask you again; do you love him?" Alice asked.

A tear broke free and made its lazy way down my cheek. "Yes, I do, but I don't know if that kind of love is enough anymore."

"Sleep on it, Bells. Now," Alice said, clapping her hands gleefully, "let's call this Adam and get him in here. Maybe he can take your mind off things."

I rolled my eyes. "Hand me his resume please."

* * *

**_Hmm...a non-canon character...OH GOOD LORD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING LEELAN? You can't do that!_**

**_Oh, but I can. And I am. I'm just that ebil. Yes, ebil with a B._**

**_Thanks for all the reviews you guys have been leaving. I love reading them...they make me smile. They keep me warm at night and now that we're heading into frigid winter temperatures, and stupid snow storms, I'll be relying on them all the more (well, reviews and my Vellux blanket). _**

**_Did you guys like getting the sneak peaks at the next chapter? Let me know and I'll try to make it a regular thing. I like to make you happy. _**

**_Fanfics I'm currently reading/loving (because it's important to pimp out great fics)_**

**_Black Swan by Raven Jadewolfe_**

**_Ragweeds by lambcullen_**

**_Maybe by 107yearoldvirgin_**

**_Safe Haven by Snowqueens Icedragon_**

**_Reboot by Athey_**

**_Marked by Whitlock-Masen_**

**_High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType_**

**_The Runaways by Simply Dazzling_**

**_and of course Clipped Wings and Inked Armor by hunterhunting, which totally owns me_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_SM made Twilight, I'm making macaroni for supper. It somehow doesn't add up. ;)_**

**_Big thank you to my trio of terrificness, Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophilia Tantrum. You guys are the Kraft to my Dinner, the Tim to my bits, and the pop to my corn._**

**_Here's chapter nine, folks. Please check out the note at the end. _**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

Adam Dick, the second most incredible specimen of a man I had ever laid eyes on, was actually a wonderful person. He was kind, considerate, attentive, and quick to learn. I hired him on the spot, and then asked him out for coffee to explain things to him--to give him an out before he started. Sometimes people had strange visions of how wonderful and cool it would be to work in a porn store, and let me tell you, it wasn't nearly as romantic as it sounded.

I smiled as he held the door open for me and I took great pleasure in soaking in the jealous glares of all the women - and a couple of the men - that we passed. He paid for our coffee and pastries while I found a cozy booth.

"So, Adam, seriously, why do you want to work in a porn store? Surely with your educational background you'd be working in a much more lucrative field; I could really see you working in advertising."

He flipped his sandy bangs back from his stunning blue eyes and laughed. "Oh, I did work in advertising for a while but it sucked out my soul."

I pulled his CV from my messenger bag and quickly looked it over again. "You didn't list it on your resume."

"I didn't see it as being relevant work experience, and it scares off potential employers. Nothing makes me any more annoyed than an employer assuming that since you have so much education or experience you wouldn't want to work for them. That is so far from the truth, especially if you are the one applying for the job. Obviously you're interested."

He took a drink of his coffee. "Well, Bella, besides being at the helm of the local smut shack, what makes your heart flutter? What makes you want to wake up in the morning?" He looked down his slightly crooked nose at me and batted his incredibly long eyelashes at me.

_You_, I thought, blushing. "Oh, I don't know, I enjoy writing and reading, going to movies and being silly with Alice, Jasper, and his twin sister Rosalie." I found myself beginning to squirm under his intense gaze, and could feel a slow, strange burn in the pit of my belly.

"They seem cool."

I chewed uselessly on the rim of my white ceramic coffee cup. "They're the best."

He leaned across the table and took my hand as I took a sip of my coffee. "So, Bella, have you found your Jasper?"

I nearly spit out my coffee. "Excuse me?"

He pulled his hand back, and looked nervously at the Danish on his plate. "I'm sorry, that was forward. I guess it was my way of asking if you were single."

"Oh, yeah, I guess I haven't found my…well…shit. It's complicated. Next topic, please."

"I'm really sorry, Bella." His piercing blue eyes implored me to forgive him and it was just seconds later that I realized I could hardly remember what had just happened. Dude was good.

"It's okay, Adam. So, your resume said that you enjoy surfing. I didn't realize there was much surfing in Montana."

He laughed, deep and throaty, and I nearly lost my underpants; Adam was sex personified and his husky chortle made my girly bits sit up and take notice. Not since Edward had I been so enthralled or attracted to another man. I was so taken with his beauty that I barely heard his response to my question and it wasn't until my phone buzzed in my pocket that I snapped out of my totally inappropriate and lustful trance.

I looked quickly down at the call display. Edward. Shit_._ "Excuse me, Adam; I need to make a call."

I stood and walked toward the washroom as I read the text from the one person I wasn't sure I could talk to.

_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left like that. Talk later? EC_

Hitting the reply button, I quickly replied that I was busy and would call him later.

Adam stood when I returned. Hmm…what a gentleman. "I hope everything is okay. You look concerned."

"Yes," I said, smiling, "just a minor complication. All is well."

"Great. So, tell me the ins and out of the store."

_**Edward**_

I paced around the living room, just one of the many places I'd spent time obsessing since I'd left the video store a few days prior. School was starting in two days and the only thing I could focus on was Bella.

"Call her and apologize," Emmett said as he entered the house. He'd been back to work for a couple of days doing prep work for when the students would return the following week. "Seriously dude, you're wearing a path into the hardwood. Mom won't be happy about that; it'll lower the resale value when we eventually move."

"How did you…ah, hell, nevermind. Em, I can't do it. What if she won't talk to me?" I pulled on my hair, hoping the right answer would come tumbling out, like a pre-recorded message on a pull-string doll.

"Knowing Baby Girl, she'll probably apologize to you for whatever it was that happened."

"I can't, Emmett, I just can't."

"Don't make me sing the _I Can't_ song to you," Emmett teased. One of his favourite things about teaching the younger kids was that he could come up with the strangest little ditties to teach the kids about positive thinking and remembering to wash their hands after they use the bathroom and the kids always eat it up.

I held my hands up in surrender. "How about a text; does that count as talking to her?"

"Sure, fill your boots. After that, I need your help; I've got thirty maple leafs to cut out and I need your wonderful, but girlie penmanship to write in the names of my kids."

Leave it to Emmett to insult me while asking me for a favour. Still, though, he's right, I do need to talk to her. I got up from the table and grabbed my phone. "Okay. You get set up and I'll be right with you."

I walked off and sent Bella a quick text, asking if we could talk, and she fired one back quickly saying that she'd call me later. Well, that was as good a first step as any, I guess.

Emmett was elbow deep in fall-coloured construction paper when I returned. "Grab some safety scissors and tell me what she said."

"She said she'd call me later."

"That's good. Why do you look so bummed?"

There was no way to mask the sigh that escaped my lips as I grabbed some paper, blunt-ended scissors, and a template. "I think I really messed things up. Leaving without a word to her just cements the notion that I'll always run when things get uncomfortable."

He put down the leaf he was working on. "Explain to me again why you bailed. Oh, hey, watch how you're cutting those. Every single one has to be the same or the kids'll revolt. They'll think that I hate them or am playing favourites. Seven year-olds are complicated creatures."

Seven year-olds…Emma…"I wish…"

Emmett's face fell. "Oh shit, I'm sorry, Edward. I know that Baby Em would have turned seven this year and it would have been awesome to have her in my class, and we're all missing her like crazy, but seriously, be careful with those leaves."

"I'll try." At least I had the leaves as a distraction from thinking about Emma.

"There is no try, only do," Emmett replied in his best Yoda voice, which prompted me to laugh.

We cut without speaking, the only sounds coming from the scissors on the paper, until Emmett coughed and blurted out, "So, why did you run out this time?"

Silence is golden unless you're around Emmett, who always felt the need to fill any void of sound with his own, whether it be words or sound effects. I had no logical excuse for why I ran, and he was bound to point it out and shove it down my throat in a way that only my brother could. "She was playing dirty and it was either throw her up against the wall and do her on the display of gang bang DVDs, or leave with my dick and some shred of dignity intact. She was really spreading it thick, talking all husky and rubbing me, until she started tickling me. It was all a ruse to make me let her go and I fell for it. I thought she was serious, I thought maybe she wanted me again. I was foolish."

He looked up from the bright orange leaf he was cutting. "Maybe yes, maybe no. You need to tell her how you feel, there's no way around it, kiddo. See, look at me and Rosie…"

I cut him off before he could go any further. "Um, yeah, we've got two very different situations here; you just met Rose a couple of weeks ago, and I left Bella to die five years ago." I said as I grabbed another piece of construction paper and traced a rough outline onto it, my shaking hand making it a lot harder to do than it needed to be.

"Don't blame me if you totally lose her, brother. Some hot dude is liable to sweep her off her clumsy feet and you'll be all but forgotten or be forevermore referred to as _the one who left_."

My shoulders dropped at the realization that he was right. "I'm always going to be _the one who left_, aren't I?"

He shrugged as he scrutinized the edges of the leaf he'd just cut. "Yeah, probably."

I tossed a crudely-cut leaf at my brother like a Frisbee.

"Easy, bro! Are you trying to decapitate me or something? I just tell it like it is, and wow," he said, picking up the weapon of mass construction paper and frowning, "you'd better leave the cutting to me; you can do the calligraphy crap. Dude, this is probably the fugliest leaf I've ever seen." He held up the crudely cut piece of paper that resembled anything but foliage.

Again we worked in silence until I could take it no more. "Em, buddy, I need to ask you a very serious question."

"What's that?"

"How the hell are you going to keep the four Mackenzies, three Codys, two Rileys and the Pattinson twins straight?"

"It's easy once I get to know the kids, then I sort of assign them a _secret_ name. Like last year there were three Jadens, so to keep them straight there was Stinky Jaden, who farted a lot; seems his mother fed him a steady vegetarian diet. Then there was girly Jaden…"

I cut him off. "That's cruel!"

"Why? That particular Jaden was a girl."

"Oh, okay. Please continue."

"Then there was Bad Ass Jaden, who acted out a lot. See, it's easy. Give each kid a nickname based on a prominent characteristic or physical trait and it's easy as pie."

"Fascinating."

"I should get you to come and play for the kids again. The class last year always begged me to bring you back."

"You never asked me to come back. I would have," I said as I finished writing the name MacKenzie for the fourth time.

"Well, maybe we can do a regular thing. I guess you'll have to get your schedule sorted out at school first."

The gears started churning in my brain. "It'll be good work experience for me, in fact, I could probably use it to get extra credit, or use it as my work placement. Hmm…"

We continued to work on the leaves, just making idle chit-chat when Emmett mentioned that he'd heard that Bella had hired her new replacement.

"Do you remember the name?" I asked, feigning indifference, when really, I was feeling far from unconcerned.

"Adam something-or-other."

"Damn it," I cursed under my breath.

"Oh, do you know him?" he asked, curious.

"No, not really."

Em quirked an eyebrow at me. "Did you want the job?"

"No."

"Then what's your damn problem?"

"He's hot." I threw down the marker I had been using, set my elbows on the table, and rested my head in my hands.

Emmett shook his head. "Did you just say that he was hot? Are you switching teams? I knew all those years without sex were going to change you. Don't worry, I'll still love you even if you're dating a dude."

What the…? "NO! Jebus, Emmett, I'm not gay."

"Are you jealous?" he asked, his voice softer than it had been.

"Maybe."

He pointed at me, and pounded his fist on the table. "A-ha, truth comes out. Well, time to lift your leg and piss on your territory, little brother."

"EW! I am so not going to grace that vile statement with a response."

"Ha! Man, you're entirely too literal about everything."

"I know what you meant, Em; the mental picture was too much to bear." I shuddered at the thought, which prompted him to laugh at me again.

"You've been spending too much time at that porn store; your brain is firmly rooted in the gutter."

It was my turn to laugh as I stood up. "I figured that you'd be thrilled by that; your prudy younger brother finally grew some balls."

"Nah, your balls dropped when you knocked up the chief of police's fifteen year-old daughter."

I snorted loudly from the kitchen. "I would argue that my balls tried to climb back up to safety when we went to tell Chief Swan that the good doctor's youngest son defiled his beautiful underage daughter and planted his demon seed in her womb. I am SO thankful Charlie had his wits about him enough to ask Renee lock his guns away."

"Man, I was shitting myself for you. I didn't envy you that task one bit."

I re-emerged from the kitchen with a beer in each hand, handing one to my brother. "Yeah, but he handled it better than we expected, after he stopped yelling, and crying. I think the sonogram really sold him, though. Even as a fetus, Emma was adorable."

I took a swig from my beer and thought fondly of my baby girl. She was such a blessing and brought me so much joy. Her giggle was infectious and on the rare occasion that she would cry, it broke my heart. Then my thoughts immediately switched to Bella, who was my last connection to Emma and I wasn't going to lose her…again.

My phone vibrated on the table and danced toward me.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Edward."

The sound of her voice sent me back a decade to my geeky, awkward, teen years. It took everything out of me not to fall back into full dweeb mode and blurt out something stupid. With a great deal of restraint, I managed to squeak out a weak greeting. "Hi, Bella. What's up?"

She paused momentarily. "Well, you said you wanted to talk, I said I'd call you back, so I'm calling you back. Are you…you know…okay? You left so suddenly the other day…I didn't hear from you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," I replied, embarrassed. I got up and moved into the kitchen to get away from my brother, who was making faces at me.

"No, no, Edward, I'm the one who needs to apologize to you. I played dirty; I had no right to do that to you." Her tone was sincere; I could tell that she really was feeling bad about it.

"Thanks, I guess. How've you been?"

"Busy. Hey, you got plans tomorrow?"

I ran my free hand through my hair and tried to visual my to-do list for the following day. "Uh, well, I have to go to campus to pick up my schedule, but other than that, no, I'm not busy. Why?"

"Want to come meet me at the store at four? We can go grab a bite and talk in person. I hate talking on the phone."

There was no chance the smile that lit up my face was going to fade. "I'll agree if you promise I won't have to do anymore inventory."

"No, you won't have to do any more inventory, I promise." She laughed. My pants got tight. What the hell was up with the sound of her laughter giving me hard ons?

I sighed dramatically. "Fine then, I guess I can meet you at four."

"Great, I'll see you then. Sweet dreams, Edward."

"Be safe, my Bella."

_**Bella**_

_My Bella?_ He said it again. Oh God, what do I do? I walked toward the swing; I had a lot to mull over. Am I doing the right thing? What the hell…?

He kept calling me _my Bella_. _His_ Bella? He was upset after the incident at the store and I knew he was sporting a huge boner because I had felt it pushing against me.

Edward was the only man I'd ever known carnally, and I had been content all these years to keep it that way, but there was something about Adam that made me think I might want to test the waters outside of the Cullen pond. He was just so…gah…edible or something. I couldn't explain it.

Adam was my employee, and there were rules stating that managers could not date employees; however, Jasper had thrown that rule out the window and defiled Alice on every surface of the store, including the window, not to mention I would be leaving soon, so I wouldn't be his boss for long.

"Bella?" Alice called out. "Are you out there?"

"Yeah," I shouted back.

Heavy footsteps approached from behind.

"Bella?" A quasi-familiar, but oh-so-sexy voice spoke from beside me. "I hope you don't mind, but I asked Alice where you were and she brought me here. Do you mind if I join you?"

_Get out of my yard and into my bed_, I thought. "Sure, I don't think Alice would mind if you used her swing. So, uh, what's up?"

He sat and pushed off. "What's up? Well, me right now," he said, letting his head fall back. It was dark outside, but I was pretty sure I could see that his eyes were closed and he was smiling. "Actually, I couldn't stop thinking about you."

I pushed off so I could match his rhythm. "Me? Why?"

"Because you're amazing and I have this terrible need to get to know you."

I scoffed. "Adam, buddy, you got the job; you don't have to suck up to me." The boy was blunt, I'd give him that.

The Adonis beside me stopped his swing suddenly, twisting around to face me and the threat of getting lost in his blue eyes, or getting trapped under his sharp cheekbones was eminent. "I'm not sucking up. There's something about you, Bella, and I'd like a chance to get to know you better."

My swing suddenly jerked to a stop, and before I realized what was happening, I was facing the lean surfer boy physique of the beautiful man on the swing beside me. "Whoa," I mumbled.

"So?" he said, cocking an eyebrow. "Would you like to hang out some more?" He reached over and pushed some hair out of my face.

_I need some dry underpants_, I thought as I blushed. "Adam, do you remember when I said that things were complicated?"

"Mm-hmm," he mumbled as he ran a finger up and down my jaw line, making me shiver. God, this man was going to be my undoing.

"Well, it's really complicated. I need to sort some things out."

"Why are things complicated, Bella? Will you explain it to me?"

"I…I really can't…don't…I just…"

"Shh," he whispered to me. "Okay, we don't have to talk about it right now, but I want you to know you can trust me."

My hackles went up a bit. Trust him? "Can I? I hardly know you. I'm sure you're a great guy, but you don't want me, Adam; I come with a lot of baggage."

"I'm strong enough to carry it, Bella."

Okay, he was really starting to push my buttons now. Hot or not, I didn't like where this conversation was going. "Not enough for mine. I'm sorry." I moved to get up but he held my swing in place.

His eyes implored me to tell him everything, but I just couldn't do it. His mouth was pulled in a tight grimace, his plump oh-so-kissable bottom lip almost completely hidden. "Why are you taking away my right to find out if I can or can't handle your so-called baggage? Shouldn't I have a say in this?"

Temptation and frustration were raging within me. On the one hand I wanted to reach over, grab his face and attach my lips to his and ride him like the stallion that he is, but on the other, his questioning and pushing was making me really uncomfortable. It was too much. I needed space. "Please let me go, Adam. I can't do this."

"How long ago was it, Bella?" he asked firmly.

I turned to face him. "How long ago was what?"

"When did he break you?" he slid further into my personal bubble, which he was seriously threatening to pop at any second. I could not be responsible for what happened after that.

"Who?"

"Your complication. How long have you been hurting?"

The first signs of anxiety began creeping up my spine and curling into my chest. Oh, how I wished I had my pills with me. I hadn't been carrying them around as much because I had been feeling so much better. "I…I don't know what you're talking about."

He sighed, his hand resting on my cheek again. "I'm not stupid, Bella, I know that something happened, but I don't know any more than that. It doesn't take long to figure out that someone hurt you so bad you've built up walls higher and thicker than the Great one in China."

"Five years," I whispered, my wall beginning to crumble. Time to rebuild, Bella, don't let him get in.

"That's a long time." His voice deepened and softened at the same time, genuine concern oozing out through the fingers that caressed my face.

I felt myself slipping. "An eternity. But it's not all his fault. There's so much more to this."

His eyes pleaded with me. "Please, Bella, let me in."

"Not now. Look, Adam, it's been a long day. I need to go to bed. Thank you for everything. I'll see you at the store tomorrow morning for your first full day of training."

"Okay, but I want you to know that I'm serious; you can talk to me. I'm not the enemy." He placed a hand gently on my right cheek.

"Thanks. Good night."

I stumbled back to the house in the darkness and scowled at Alice. "You. Me. My room in ten minutes."

"What? What did I do?"

_**Jasper**_

I watched as Bella entered her bedroom, and then took my opportunity to sneak outside to join Adam, who was still sitting on the swings. I knew that I'd only met him the one time at the store, but I felt bad for him. He was going to end up getting his heart handed to him on a platter. "Hey, buddy. Didn't go well?" I asked.

It was easy to see that he was visibly shaken, his body language screamed defeat, and his eyes were confused. He didn't seem to me to be the kind of guy who was turned down very often. "No, and I don't know what to do. What happened to her to make her so closed off? She wants nothing to do with me. I don't mean to brag, but I've got dozens of women throwing their wet underpants at me, but not the one that I want. Can you toss a brother a lifeline?"

My feet found purchase on the dirt below and I pushed off, hoping to find some clarity and sage wisdom to impart on the poor guy. "Our Bella is, well, she's been through a lot, she was destroyed by her soul mate, and suffered a tragedy so devastating that most people probably wouldn't have survived it. It's not my place to tell you, but I will say this; don't fuck with Bella too much; she's fragile."

"Thanks," he said, sighing. "I guess I should go; I'm training with her in the morning." He stood up to leave.

"Godspeed, Adam," I said, chuckling, "you're going to need it."

_**Alice**_

Bella was sitting at the head of her bed, squeezing the life out of a pillow. I could see that she was far from happy and that this discussion was probably not going to bode well for me. "So, Bells, what's the scoop?" I asked as I flopped onto her bed.

"Adam." Her tone was terse, and I thought I detected a tremor in her voice.

Time to play stupid. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. "What about Adam?"

"He's interested," she said, exhaling loudly.

Finally! I'd been dying to rejoice over this little development in the soap opera that was our lives. Although I knew my pixie-like exuberance would probably make her more annoyed than she already was, I couldn't contain myself. "Oh my God! That's awesome! Wait, why are you scrunching your face up like that? Is he boring?"

"No, not really." She curled a lock of her hair around her finger, looking away from me.

"Too aggressive?"

"Maybe a little." This time she looked up at me, and I couldn't place the look on her face. Was she mad? Sad? Confused? Geez.

She wasn't offering any answers, so I prodded her, hoping to figure out what her problem was. I mean, I hand-delivered a hot man to her. What more could she want? "A wolf in sheep's clothing?"

A frustrated groan filled the room. "I don't know. He seems determined to figure me out and I don't think I like it. I'm not ready to date, Alice, especially now that Edward's back in my life."

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Edward Cullen was so not going to ruin her chance. I hadn't seen her interested in a guy in…well, ever! "Oh for the love of Peter Facinelli, Bells, why are you still letting Edward have so much control over you? You need to move on, and Adam seems like a great first stop. Mm-mm, that boy is hot." I moaned.

Bella was getting upset; the volume of her voice was increasing, as was the pitch. "What if I don't want to move on? What if I want Edward back?"

I rolled onto my stomach and kicked my feet up behind me. Might as well get comfortable if we're going to be here for a while, because I was prepared to pull an all-nighter to get her to consider the Adam proposition. "Do you really want him back?"

Her body tensed up for a moment, and then she threw herself back onto the bed and let out a loud roar. "FUUUUUUUUCK! I don't know! All I know is that I'm freaked out. I'm confused. School starts in a couple of days and my mind is a million miles away."

"Breathe, sweetie. Don't rush into anything just yet, okay? Feel Adam up, oops, I mean, feel things out with Adam, see what happens. Besides, Edward hasn't said he wants you back, has he?" I knew I was stepping onto some extremely thin ice with that last thought.

"Not in so many…er…words, but..." she was sounding frustrated now.

"But what?"

"I just know, okay? I know him inside and out and trust me, I know," her voice dropped to a barely inaudible whisper. Now was my chance.

"You KNEW him, Bella. Five years is a long time. Are you the same Bella you were back then?"

"No, I'm brain-injured Bella. Trust me, Ali, Edward still has feelings for me; I could feel it."

"You could feel it?" What the…?

"Yeah, I could feel IT pushed up against my stomach at the store the other day."

It suddenly dawned on me what she meant by _IT_. "Oh. OH! Wow, well, Bells, you need to figure this shit out before someone gets hurt."

"I know! I'm so screwed. Oh, and that's a whole other kettle of stinking fish. Adam doesn't deserve my baggage. I don't know if he'll even want to be with me when he finds out that I'm a total nut job, and I don't want to inflict my crazy on him." Bella covered her face with the pillow.

I tried to pull it away from her face. "Are you sure you have the right to make that decision for him? Shouldn't he be allowed to decide how much crazy is too much? You're awfully hard on yourself, Kitten. Why not give him the chance to figure out whether or not he's equipped to handle you."

"He said the same thing."

I smiled warmly at her. "He's a smart cookie."

"I thought you were _Team Edward_. What happened?"

I shrugged. "Something better came along. I like Edward, or at least what I know of him now, but I can't forget the damage he did to you and I find it hard to trust him, and I can't even begin to fathom how you can even stand to look at him. HE LEFT YOU, Bella. Now you have a chance to start again, and Adam is fresh, new, and seems like a great guy.

"If I have to pick a team, I'm _Team Bella_. I just want you to be happy. I think a clean break with someone new, where the threat of a recurrence of a disappearing act is slim to none is what you need. You deserve to be happy, Sweetie."

"Fuck me," Bella groaned, covering her eyes.

I giggled as I bounced on the bed. "I won't, but I'm sure Adam and Edward would probably duke it out for a shot at it."

Bella slammed the pillow into me. "Ew! I am SO not a sperm depository."

"That's not what I was implying. So, what's the plan?" I moved over so my head was resting on her stomach. Her hand reached down and patted my head.

"I don't know. I'm working with Adam tomorrow and Edward's picking me up after work to go talk so I'm hoping to know more tomorrow night."

"Well, shit, Bells, I hope so." I got up and turned around, holding out my hand. "I'm making hot chocolate. Want some?"

Finally a smile on her face. If I knew that all it would take was the promise of chocolate, I'd have offered sooner. "Please. I'm too wound up to sleep and it's too late to take a nighty-night pill if I want to be coherent tomorrow morning."

"Wow, this must be serious if you're passing on your pills. Come, Sweetie, let me send you into a hot chocolate dreamland."

"Thanks, Ali. Have I told you lately that I love you?" She hugged me tightly.

"Yeah, but I never get tired of hearing it."

* * *

**_Oooh...things are heating up!_**

**_So, my friend RowanMoon set up a thread for Road Maps over on Twilighted, so I thought I'd let you know that you don't just have to talk about Road Maps over there if you don't want to. You can pop on over to say hi, tell me how your day went, what music you're loving, what you got for Christmas, etc. So, if you want to pop over, please check out http://www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=7737_**

**_As for what I'm reading right now:_**

**_Broken Doll by RowanMoon  
The Training School by TheSpoiltOne and Footroza  
Company Loves Misery by AngstGoddess003 (she's BACK!)_**

**_I'll try to get the next update up sooner than later. :) If you leave me a review, I'll send you a sneak peek at the next chapter. _**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Attempt #2 at posting this chapter since FF has been suffering from FFFail. ;)_**

**_A lot of you are ready to skin me over Adam Dick and I wish I could say I was sorry, but I'm not. Adam is a necessary part of the story. Please have faith in me that I won't do you wrong. Remember...I am the girl who writes about hope in desperate times and having faith that things will work out. It's just that in this story, much like in real life, things don't always go the way you want them to, and there are sometimes diversions and unexpected events along the way._**

**_I know a few of you have made the Adam Dick connection to _Branded_ and _ Road Maps. _His name is completely intentional and was intended as a fun nod to the other stories._**

**_I hope this chapter will help some of you regain your faith in me._**

**_You *might* need a tissue for this one._**

**_Stephenie Meyer may own Twilight, but thanks to a co-worker I now own the Twilight board game, which I tested out with Sophilia Tantrum tonight._**

**_Big thanks to my triad of awesomeness, Katmom, Minnakoda, and Sophilia Tantrum. I *heart* you guys._**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Adam**_

It blows my mind that I'd be pacing in front of a porn store—over a girl.

Punctuality wasn't normally one of my fortes, but there was something about her that makes me want to be better, be on time, hell, be early; and so here I am, early. Seeing my reflection in the mirror, I noticed that my shirt was a little askew, so I fixed it, wanting to make a good impression on her.

Shit, I am so whipped.

I have never, in all my years, in all my travels, met a woman as alluring as she is, and I've been around. Seriously, I'm not prone to falling hard for anyone, and this attraction to her is baffling; it's beyond reason. Sure she's beautiful, but not in a typical way; hell, there was nothing typical about Bella Swan, and yet she was so normal…

…except that she had shot me down. NO ONE has ever shot me down, I mean girls beg me to pay attention to them, and by saying this I am by no means being cocky. It is an inalienable truth that I am alluring to women.

But not this one.

"Hi, Adam. You haven't been waiting for long, have you?"

My heart actually skipped a beat when I saw her coming up the sidewalk. "Uh, no, not too long. How are you?" I asked as I held out my hand to hold her coffee while she unlocked the door.

"Good, thanks. So, here is one of your first lessons: as soon as this door opens, you have thirty seconds to run back to the alarm box and deactivate it. The code is 5852. Alright, are you ready? You know where the box is, right?" she looked at me and smiled.

I shook my head; I had no clue.

"It's around the corner from the bathroom."

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to recall the layout of the store. I had only been in a few times before now, so I wasn't one hundred percent positive I knew where I was going, but I was certainly going to give it the old college try. "Okay, I have visualized its location. Five-eight-five-two. Got it."

The door swung open, and I made a mad dash toward the back of the store, where I luckily found the box. I say luckily because had it not been lit up like a Christmas tree, I never would have found it. When I successfully completed my mission, I walked back out and took a bow.

Bella was laughing as she set her coffee cup down on the counter. She walked toward me and just before we were in front of one another, she veered left and reached behind a display of cock rings to flick on the harsh fluorescent lights. "Well done, Adam-san. You are quick to learn, my young grasshopper friend."

Bowing deeply at the waist, my palms pressed together, I spoke reverently to her, playing along with her game. "You are a sage teacher, Obella Wan Kenobi."

Bella laughed and my dick twitched, which was so strange. No woman had ever had that effect on me with just a laugh before now. God, it was going to be a long day.

She moved behind the counter and leaned back on it as she took a sip of her coffee. "Let's get started. There's a lot to remember, but thankfully for you I have short term memory problems so everything is written out, step-by-step and there are cheat sheets everywhere." She pulled out a drawer full of paper, each one covered in notes about everything.

I whistled long and low when I saw the mess in the drawer. "You weren't kidding," I mumbled as I rifled through them. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to how they were stored. I had a feeling I'd be deciphering chicken scratches extensively during my training.

"Why would I lie?" she said, cocking an eyebrow at me.

Crap. Time to scramble, Adam, you just insulted her. "I mean, I didn't think you were being serious."

Her face was nothing short of stony. "Yup. Dead. I really do have short-term memory problems. It's not constant, and I'm better than I used to be, but sometimes it's a problem."

Hmm. This girl gets more and more mysterious by the minute. "Okay, do you mind if I ask why?"

"Why what?"

I leaned on the counter beside her. "Why you have short term memory problems?"

She looked at me, visibly confused. "I have short term memory problems? Shit, I must have forgotten."

I gaped at her. Good Lord, what have I got myself into with this one. Back off, Adam, back off. "Really?"

Her serious façade cracked and she laughed. "Nah, I'm shitting you. Well, not about the memory problem. I had a closed head injury a few years ago," she knocked on her head. "I kind of broke my brain, oh, and my skull. I have a titanium plate. If I hadn't been in a coma I would have asked for adamantium, then I could be more like Wolverine, snickety snick." Bella waved her hands in front of me, doing her best Wolverine impersonation.

It wouldn't surprise me if my chin hit the floor. She really didn't look like someone who'd been in a coma, but really, what does a coma victim look like? "Really? Coma? Brain injury?"

"Yup, I brained my damage. Sexy, huh?" she smirked, devilishly.

More than you know, I thought as my man bits strained to find freedom and make her mine. "Wow, you've had quite the life. How did--?"

She cut me off, turning to face the computer on the left hand side of the counter. "Nope. We stop here. You need to learn more about the cash system than my pathetic so-called life."

"Will you tell me someday?"

"Maybe, but then I'll have to kill you. So," she took a deep breath and pointed under the counter at an outdated-looking computer, "this is Beulah. She's our out-of-date system. You need to turn her on and then the fun begins—in about ten minutes. She's slow."

I'd like to turn you on and let the fun begin, I thought as I pictured taking her on the counter.

"What?" she said, turning to stare at me incredulously, "did you just say that you want to turn me on?"

Shit. Inside voice, outside voice, Adam. "Um, no, I said that I couldn't wait to turn her on, you know, Beulah, so we can get to work."

_**Bella**_

I cringed inwardly when I heard him mumbling something about wanting to turn me on. I knew he wasn't referring to Beulah, and the only thing going through my head was that this was not going to end well_._

Putting on a smile to counteract the scowl that threatened to darken my features, I went about showing him how to open the programs he would be using and digging around to find the cheat sheets to help him. My plan was to keep him busy so that he wouldn't have time to be weird.

As he had none of the learning and memory retention issues that I did, he caught on quickly, which made things so much easier on me. In fact, the more we hung out and talked, the more I realized that he was a nice guy, and that he was probably just nervous. Don't get me wrong, there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that he was thinking about how many different ways he could bend me over the counter and do me, but once he got over that, we actually had fun.

"You really are a great student, Adam," I said as we began preparing for the shift change. "You caught on so easily that I'm thinking I'll be able to hand things over to you sooner than I thought." I couldn't help the smile that crept up on me at the thought of not having to come into the store at the crack of piss on the weekends and never having to do dildo inventory again. I think I may have sighed.

Adam cleared his throat, breaking me out of my self-indulgent train of thought. "Bella? You okay in there?"

"Yeah, sorry, I drifted off for a second." My eyes found him staring at me worriedly. I shook it off and smiled at him, which prompted him to smile back. "So, you're really okay with being Jazz's co-captain? He's a great guy and I think you two will work well together. Just be prepared to deal with finding him and Alice in some, uh, compromising situations if you're reviewing security tapes. Sometimes they forget to turn them off."

The smile dropped from his face. "Really? You won't be working with me?"

"No, not after you get settled," I said, pausing, my eyebrows crinkling in confusion. "You do understand that you'll be taking over for me, right?"

"Oh yeah," he replied, "I knew that, but…" he turned away and began tidying random piles of magazines.

Crap. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed heavily. "Is there a problem? Are you having second thoughts about this? If you are, you need to let me know now so I can hire someone else. School is starting up in a couple of days and I'm running out of time." Panic-stricken thoughts ran through my head like the bulls in Pamplona. God, I don't want to have to deal with training anyone else. Please don't flake on me!

"No, no, I want the job, I just thought maybe we'd be working together for a while, that's all. I like hanging out with you, Bella. I won't lie. Spending time with you is a definite perk."

The rush of blood to my cheeks was hot and left me wondering if I was sweating. This sudden blush wasn't just embarrassment, it was frustration. I don't need him pursuing me, not now, not with things finally starting to smooth out with Edward. This needed to be nipped in the bud.

Adam looked back at me briefly, before turning his eyes to his sandals. He spoke very quietly after a moment. "Can we go talk after work?"

Thank God for Edward coming to pick me up. "Uh, no, sorry. Someone is meeting me here at 4. He'll be here soon."

"So you are seeing someone?" he asked, looking confused.

"No, y…I don't know. I told you, Adam, I'm complicated, it's complicated, and everything is very strange right now." I bent over and rooted around in the cupboard where I had stashed my purse. I was starting to feel a bit of a rush of anxiety and I couldn't meet with Edward feeling too on edge, it could be disastrous. I quietly popped open my bottle of Ativan, tapped a couple into my palm and tossed them under my tongue as covertly as possible. When I turned around, he was staring at me intently and it made me nervous.

He walked toward me, backing me up into the corner of the counter. "I'm going to be totally inappropriate and tell you that I really like you and I'm not giving up. I'll wait for you to sort out your complication because you're worth waiting for."

Alice's knack for perfect timing once again proved beneficial because at the very moment I thought I might burst into tears, my best friend flew in through the front door and saved me.

"Alice!" I choked out. "Can you please go over the shift change with Adam for me? I, uh, need to go out back to look for something."

Totally picking up on the distress in my voice, Alice nodded and quickly distracted Adam by showing him the mid-day reports. While she waited for them to load, she shot me a concerned look.

I ran to the back room and gulped down some stale air as I fought to keep my emotions at bay. If only Edward had felt that; if only he'd stayed and waited for me. I have a complete stranger telling me he'll wait because I'm worth it, and my soul mate couldn't even do that. God! Hell, why does this still matter? Why does he still have me so wrapped around his freakishly long, sexy, piano-playing fingers after all these years?

A quiet knock came at the door. "Bella? You okay, sweetie?"

After a big shuddering breath, I replied with a quiet affirmation, and opened the door a crack so she could see that I was. She smiled a sad smile at me and put her hand on my cheek. "Edward's here."

Opening the door a little wider, I pulled her in. "Aw shit, Alice, I don't know. Today has been such an intense day, and Edward is King Intensity. Ugh. I might explode from the pressure."

"Do you want me to tell him to leave?" she asked, hopeful. Man, she was so Team Adam it wasn't funny.

I shook my head. "I have to do this, Ali."

"You can do it. Go hear what he has to say, shoot him down gently, and come on back for some good-time Adam lovin'. He's good people, Bells, I can feel it. Don't rush anything; take your time because a good man will wait."

My hands went to my hips and I took a defensive position. "Is that a dig at Edward, Ali?"

Alice hugged me as she backpedalled. "No! Oh no! Geez, no. I wasn't thinking." She stumbled over her words. "Now go out and get Edward out of here; I don't think he's too happy to see Adam."

"Ugh, probably not. Okay," I said, inhaling deeply. "I can do this."

Alice gave me a pat on the ass and a smile. "Go get 'em, Tiger."

I grasped at the fleeting tendrils of my courage and walked out, pasting a smile on my face. "Hi, Edward. I see you've met Adam, the newest member of our dysfunctional family here at the store. Adam, this is Edward, um, an old, er, friend."

Dread filled me when I saw Edward wince at being called an old friend. It wasn't intended to hurt him, but I didn't want Adam to realize he was standing face-to-face with my _complication_.

"Are you ready, Bella?" Edward asked quietly.

"Yes, I just need to grab my bag from behind the counter. Alice," I said, turning to the tiny girl beside me, trying to project a look of fear without alerting the two virile men standing beside us, "can you please train Adam until five? Show him the shift change procedures again?"

"Yup, sure can. Have a good evening. I'll see you when I get home." Alice hugged me tightly and whispered, "Are you okay?"

"No," I replied, my arms wrapping tighter around her.

"Want me to get rid of Edward?"

"No."

"Call me. Remember to breathe." She rubbed my back in an attempt to soothe me.

I nodded, pulled myself from Alice's iron grip and walked behind the counter. Adam held out my messenger bag.

"Thank you," I said, reaching for it.

Adam grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, enveloping me in a big hug. At first contact, I immediately stiffened, fearing Edward's reaction.

"Your complication is jealous. Have a great night, call me later if you want to talk," he whispered. Then, speaking aloud, he said, "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, right?"

I tried to separate myself from him, and before I could, he kissed my cheek.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at him. Had he not had my arms pinned to his beefy sides, I would have slapped him square across that chiseled jaw of his, or blackened the blue eye hiding under his mop of hair.

"I'll be waiting."

If I could have done one thing at that moment, it wouldn't have been hoping the ground would swallow me whole, or that lightning would strike me; I wanted lightning to strike **him** and knock **him** into a hole. God, I haven't been that angry in so long. The nerve!

_**Edward**_

I was standing behind Bella, seething at the display before me. Beautiful boy Adam was trying to lay claim to Bella. Territorial pissing was now on in full force.

When she turned around, I turned to smile and look genuine instead of creepy and angry. From the look on her face, I didn't exactly pull it off.

"H..hi, Edward," she was flushed, but it wasn't her normal blush of embarrassment; she looked angry.

"Bella."

We left the store in silence and stood on the sidewalk. The tension weighed as heavily on us as if a ten-ton load of bricks had fallen onto us. I was beginning to worry I might suffocate beneath it when she finally spoke, breaking the tension momentarily.

"So," she said quietly, "where did you want to go?"

I shrugged. It really didn't matter to me, as long as we were far, far away from Surfer Boy in the store. "I don't care."

Seems she didn't like my answer because all of a sudden she flew into a rage. I knew this was a mistake, and here was my proof; not even off the stoop of the store and she was yelling.

"You have a lot of nerve, Edward." She grabbed my hand, causing a huge shock to travel up the length of my arm and raise my hair a good inch off my head, and dragged me down the sidewalk to the park further down the block.

I felt her drop my hand and watched in helpless fear as she paced, her brow furrowing in deep thought. She was pissed and I was about to get lambasted, not that I didn't deserve it, because I totally did. Maybe this would unleash her real wrath, because up until that moment, she'd really not gotten angry with me, not in a way befitting of my crime.

Finally, Bella turned to me, angry tears spilling down her flushed cheeks. "HOW DARE YOU GET JEALOUS?"

"I…" Wait, _what?_

She paced back and forth in front of me. I backed up a bit to get out of her path of destruction, but she wasn't about to let me off that easily. "DON'T EVEN DENY IT, EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN! I know you well enough to know that you were one word away from a statement of total denial. How did I know that? Oh, probably because you're the king of denial, or should I say, Denali. Did you ever notice that by switching a couple of letters around, DENIAL becomes DENALI? How fitting that you run off to your cousins' place in fucking Denali to hide from reality."

A scream tore from her lungs, making me cringe. "I am so beyond angry right now that I could…I could…I could tear out a tree and beat you senseless with it. HOW DARE YOU FEEL YOU HAVE ANY CLAIM ON ME? How is it possible that you could feel any right to be jealous over someone you voluntarily gave up? You walked away, Edward. It was your choice, not mine."

It was as if roots had grown from my feet and secured me to the ground. Her words weighed heavily on me as she continued.

"I was actually looking forward to spending time with you today. Now I want to go hide, get away from you, because you confuse me and infuriate me to no end.

"Adam is my employee, and maybe I'd like to try to date him. I don't know. What I do know is that it's no business of yours. I don't need you breathing down my neck, Edward. I don't need anything from you."

"B…but…" I stammered, unable to grasp the words I needed to make things right.

She threw he hands up in the air, and I noted just how close they came to my head, but I was paralyzed, I couldn't move. "But nothing! This, _this_ isn't going to work. There's too many memories, too many emotions. I have spent five years trying to let you go. I need us to be over."

When those last six words fell from her mouth, I felt the agony as my heart sank. I'd come to tell her that I was still very much in love with her, but there was no way I'd dare breathe a word of that now. Her anger burned so hot I feared if I got much closer to her that I might blister. I didn't know what to do, what to say, so I said the only thing I could think of at that very moment. "If that's what you want, then I'll leave."

"There you go, leaving again," she muttered.

I felt something begin to surface that I hadn't felt so intensely in a long time. I cringed as I could feel the anger bubbling. "Wait one fucking minute, Isabella Marie Swan, you're telling me to go, yet you chastise me for leaving. Make up your mind! Do you want me to stay or go? The other day you're telling me not to leave, now you want me to go, but if I do, I'm _leaving again_. I feel like a fucking yo-yo!"

Clearly I had shocked her with my outburst. My feet, suddenly free from whatever hold had been on them, allowed me to move closer to her so I could see her eyes, because the only way I'd know for sure if she meant it was to see her brown eyes because they never lied. "I need to know one thing: will you EVER forgive me for leaving? Will you always hold it over my head?"

She closed her eyes and tilted her head away from me. "I don't know."

I reached for her face, pulling it back so we were face to face. "Open your eyes, Bella. I need to see your eyes. I need to know if you can ever forgive me, because if you can't, I'm leaving for good. I realize I have no right to say this, but since I'm already in shit, I'm going to anyway. I can't live like this; the constant up and down. You're not the only one who has been stuck in suspended animation for the past five years. I need a life and I need to know if it's one that will include you."

"Why?" she choked out.

Shit, I said too much. "Because."

"Because? What kind of answer is that, Edward? Because why?"

I moved to turn away. I didn't want to get into it this way, it wasn't right. "It doesn't matter."

Bella wasn't going to take my bullshit because she could see right through it, as she always could, and shoved me backward. "Obviously it does matter."

I shook my head. _Why? Because I don't want to live in a world that doesn't involve you._

Scrambling to find a reason that wouldn't tip her off to my plan, I mumbled something about moving away.

She practically spat on me, she was so furious. "You're so full of shit, Edward."

"What do you want from me, Bella? Please just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you."

Bella smacked her hands against my chest, and I won't lie, it hurt, but her words were stinging worse. "What I want, I can't have! I want our baby girl back and I want to turn back time. I want to stop being angry and I need to get a grip. I wish things could be the way they were, but that can never happen and I want to be able to move on, Edward.

"But I can't move on; I'm stuck in limbo. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still back in the hospital, trapped in my body, enduring some never ending nightmare…"

I couldn't help but scoff when she said that. I know it was totally inappropriate, but since we're airing the laundry, why the hell not. "Why can't you move on? I thought it looked like you'd done a grand job of starting a new life."

She crumpled under my ire. "I can't move on because…oh Edward, I really wanted to make _this_ work."

WHAT? SHIT! It was too much; I slid down the trunk of the nearest tree and held my head in my hands before starting to bang my head on the thick wood of the Douglas Maple behind me. The pain in my heart was too much to deal with, a good head-pounding would take my mind off of it, or knock some sense into me, or knock me unconscious; all of which were great options.

_**Bella**_

Suddenly my intense anger turned to sadness, the void inside me started to re-open, leaving me breathless as I watched him hurting himself. My mood swings were starting to frighten me, I mean, I just went from bitch to tearful, simpering fool in two seconds. Maybe mood stabilizers would have been a good idea after all.

Resigning myself to the mother role I had often played with Edward in the past, I placed my hand behind his head to cushion the blow and stop him from inflicting any further damage. One broken brain was one too many.

"Edward, honey, calm down," I said, quietly, so as not to startle him.

His swollen eyes opened, showing just a glimpse of the beautiful green I had missed so much. "Just go, Bella. This is too hard."

I needed to bring him out of this shame spiral or whatever the hell it was he was drowning in. I tried joking with him. "What is? The damn tree trunk you're smashing your head against? Duh."

He turned away from me. Shit. My god, I'm starting to feel like a broken record with this guy_._ "Look at me, Edward."

He refused.

I grabbed him by the ears and pulled his face around so I was practically looking up his nose. "Damn it, Edward, LOOK AT ME!"

He pushed me off and stood up. "I'm sorry, Bella. I can't do this."

Shit! "So you're leaving again? I should have figured."

"I don't know how to do this. I really don't."

He was shaking so hard I was surprised he was still able to stand. He really was a complete mess and my heart was aching for him, and for what was about to happen; he was going to leave me again and I wasn't going to survive this time. Now that I'd had him back, even as briefly as I had, I didn't want to live in a world without him. "What's there to know how to do? I don't understand."

He paced back and forth in front of me, pinching the bridge of his nose. I watched him tearfully from the ground, where I had remained frozen after he stood up. I was starting to fall apart again, the need to mother him now gone, and I needed mothering of my own. Needing some sort of comforting, I pulled my knees up under my chin and began rocking. "Talk to me," I whispered.

Stopping in front of me, he looked down, clearly in pain. "I have no right to feel like this, to…God, I can't…you're going to hate me. It would be easier if we'd never found each other again. I need a time machine. I need a teleporter. I need a Valium."

"How do you feel?" I asked, fearful of his answer.

"FUCK!" he screamed. Pigeons and other nearby birds flew from the trees as his shout resonated through the branches.

I cowered beneath his intense gaze. I had never seen him look like this in all the years I had known him. I was scared, but I didn't know if it was of him, or for him. "Please," I whispered.

"I still fucking love you, Isabella, and the closer we get, the harder it is."

A dam broke inside of me and I let out a cry and hid my face behind my knees. I could feel my shoulders heaving as I wept.

Worried hands fluttered around me, unsure of where to go. His voice softened, finally, when he spoke. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I really am. I should go. I'll send Alice over."

That was it. I'd had it. "NO!" I shouted. "You are not leaving again. You promised."

He cupped my face in his big, dirty hand. "I thought I could do this, I really did, but I was wrong and we're both going to get hurt if I stay. I'm going to move back to Forks or go to New York, or Siberia. I'm really sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt you."

As much as I wanted to stop the flow of tears, to ease the sobbing so it didn't tear me apart with each gasping cry, I knew it would never end unless I told him the truth. In a tiny voice, that sounded so far from my own, I did something I swore I'd never do. I begged.

"Please, Edward. Don't leave me again."

Exhaling loudly, he stood, shaking his head sadly. "You want me to stay, you want me to go, you want me to stay…God, Bella, make up your mind! Why should I stay? I can't be near you and not be with you."

"Then don't: be with me. I can't lose you again." Okay, this was getting easier. I took a couple of stuttered breaths to ease the burn in my lungs.

"Why?"

As much as it killed me to admit it, I knew I had to tell him. "Because I still love you too. I don't know why, but I do. You make me feel alive again; that spark we used to have in high school? It's still there every time I touch you. I can't lose you again but you terrify me—I worry that you'll leave because I'm different and frankly, you make leaving me look so damn easy."

There, I'd said it, and with those few words I felt more of the weight lifting off me, and breathing became a little easier. I figured if I was going down that road, I might as well take him all the way down. Admitting insecurity was not something I enjoyed doing, and this was killing me to say it, but I had to. "Please make me believe I'm worth staying for, please try for me. It'll never be as easy as it was back before everything happened, but I love you enough that I'd risk it for you. Am I worth even one iota of that to you?"

Falling to his knees, he cupped my wet face in his hands and wiped the tears from my cheek with his grubby thumbs. "Baby, I burn so hard for you I might combust. You are my sunshine, Bella. I've been living in the dark for so long that you're blinding me. You are my life and you always have been."

"But you keep leaving," I cried, leaning into his hands, feeling the need to be closer to him. "I want you to stop running. I'm starting to think I'm not worth fighting for."

"I thought it would be best for you; I didn't want…"

"It's not about you, it's about us. You need to think about it that way or we won't survive. I need you to tell me when you're scared so we can get through it together. Don't EVER think I can't handle something without asking me first. Can you please trust me enough to understand that I know what I need? I've been on my own for long enough to take care of myself. I'm a big girl now, baby."

"I find it so hard, there's always that need to protect you," he said, his green eyes burning mine with their intensity.

"Can you please try? Can you love me enough to try?"

Two very large tears fell in tandem down his cheeks. He nodded vigorously and his smile reached his eyes for the first time in a very long time. "Yes, Love, I can. God, I love you so much, Bella. I'm so fucking sorry. Please say it," he begged, resting his forehead on mine, "I need to hear you say it."

"I love you, Edward," I said sobbing. "God, I love you so much. Is this even real?"

I knew I wasn't dreaming when I felt his lips gently touch my forehead, feather down my nose, and settle on my lips. The surge that powered through me ignited a fire I'd not felt in years and a huge piece of my broken heart mended.

"Don't fuck this up, Edward," I whispered against his lips.

"I won't."

* * *

**_Happy now? Consider it a Christmas present._**

**_I'm not saying things are going to be rosy from now on. They have a long way to go, but this is a good start._**

**_Is Adam out of the picture? No. He'll be around for a while._**

**_Updating will be scattered and not as frequent over the holidays. _**

**_Merry Ho Ho everyone. Thank you so much for the best present ever--your reviews and your love. :)_**

**_Leave a review/comment and I'll send you a sneak peek at Chapter 11._**

**_OH! Road Maps has a thread over on the Twilighted forums. Come on over and chat...you don't have to chat about Road Maps or Branded if you don't want to. _**

**_The link is on my profile. _**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!_**

**_I'll be brief because this is a long chapter. I just want to thank my lovely ladies for their help with this one: Katmom and my girl Minnakoda (who also helped me survive Christmas with my family via FB)._**

**_This is a tough one._**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

"YOU WHAT?" Alice and Rosalie shrieked at me when I told them what had transpired with Edward in the park. Why I thought they would react any other way, I didn't know.

It was time to stand my ground. "I told him I loved him."

Alice threw a pillow at me. "I just don't understand you. You've got Adam worshipping at your feet; someone who would never hurt you or…"

No, no, no, do not…"Don't say it, Alice."

"Leave you," Alice finished. "You didn't even give Adam a chance. What the hell, Bells? You gave up Prime Rib for tired, old, leftovers that have already been proven to make you sick. I just don't understand you." Alice's face was scrunched up in frustration as she shook her head. Her black spiky hair waved with the movement.

"Hey, that's your best friend's boyfriend's brother you're calling tainted leftovers," I argued, "and the father of my dead child."

Alice's face quickly unscrunched and I knew I was in for it now. She raised a hand and pointed a tiny finger at me. "Don't pull that shit on me, Bella. I'll say whatever the hell I want about him. After all I've been through because of him, I'm allowed. Jebus, what the hell were you thinking?" she said, throwing her hands in the air. "Did you really mean it? Do you love him?"

Alice was stomping around my room shouting at me while I was curled up on the bed hugging a pillow. My heart was pounding, I was tired, and I was feeling lightheaded. I probably should have eaten something when I got home. Ugh, I was so not in the mood for this. I was quiet for a moment, reflecting on her question even though I knew the answer. "Yes. I can't deny that I still love him a lot, but I don't know if I'm IN love with him. I NEED him. He makes me feel almost alive again." I knew that was not going to go over well with Alice, and I shrank back into the bed waiting for her to explode again.

Rosalie was standing off to the side, trying to stay out of this as best as she could. Alice turned to her for backup, but Rose waved her off. "I'm staying out of this, Alice. You don't want to know what I think."

Realizing she was on her own, Alice continued, but took a gentler tone with me. "You don't need a man to make you feel alive, sweetie," Alice said. "You were doing okay until he came back. Are you sure you're not in love with the idea of Edward? Are you sure you're not doing this for the wrong reason?"

What the hell? My hackles went up and I could feel anger bubbling under the lightheadedness that plagued me. "What do you mean by that?" I sat up straighter on the bed. "Seriously, Alice, what the hell are you talking about?"

Alice approached the bed and looked to be debating as to whether she should sit or not. Eventually she chose to stay standing, her arms crossing defensively across her chest as she interrogated me like some common criminal. "Are you sure you're not doing this to try to _go back_ to what you had? If it is, you're going to be sadly disappointed. You said it yourself, you're not the same person you used to be, and I'd be willing to bet that he isn't either. What if this blows up in your face? Can you handle losing him again?"

"It's not as if we're getting married, Alice," I said, running my hands through my hair out of frustration. "GOD! I'm such a mess! It's like I was two different people out there when I was talking to him; I was super angry Bella and ready to kill him, telling him we couldn't be together and then the next minute, I'm big, weepy, cry-baby Bella, rocking on the ground and falling apart when he told me he still loved me."

Despite the fact that my head was swimming I stood up to emphasize my point. "I DO love him, Rosie and Alice, I never stopped. I want to try, see what happens, give him another chance. It's not like he was in the best frame of mind when he left."

Alice threw her hands in the air and let off a frustrated growl before turning around to face me, finger once again pointed at my face angrily. "If he fucks with you again, one of two things will happen, babe, A - he'll end up castrated or B - you'll lose everything because I don't think I can stand by and watch him destroy you."

Watching Alice fall apart like that was a shock to my system and I could feel the air being sucked out of my lungs. Alice is the last person I ever wanted to hurt, and it killed me to see this happening. I was letting a man come between me and my best friend. I collapsed back down on the bed because my head was getting worse, and my legs were about to give out. The emotion in the room was so thick it was suffocating.

"We all love you so much, Bella; me, Rosie and Jasper," she sobbed, "we've watched you struggle for years because of him and it kills us. My heart hurts and it can only handle so much more."

Rosalie and Alice both came and sat on either side of me on the bed, each one taking a hand. Again, Rose stayed silent while Alice continued. "I'm sure Edward is a good guy, but it's going to take a lot for us to fully trust him. I hope it won't come down to you having to choose between him and us because I don't think anyone will be happy with the results," she said, sadly before she stood up and walked to the corner, sobbing harder than I've ever heard her cry in the many years of our friendship. Rose looked at my sympathetically, gave me a kiss on the cheek, then got up and went to comfort Alice.

I was in shock. The room was swirling around me and it felt like I had been sucked into a black hole. Something smelled off…was something burning?

_Choose between Edward and my family? What the…?_

"Alice," I croaked out, "I hope it would never come down to that. You were okay with Edward before today—what happened?"

Alice turned around in Rosalie's arms so she was facing me. "I wasn't okay with him, I tolerated him only because I figured you'd let him down easy. It's not that he's a monster; I'm just terrified that he's going to break you, and when you break, we all suffer, so maybe you can please excuse my dislike of him on the grounds that I care too much." She was angry now, I'd pushed her too far…oh shit…

…the room began to spin faster and I felt the blood draining from my face. My skin went cold, and bright lights started flashing before my vision began to blur. This wasn't good, this could only mean one thing. "Alice," I cried out weakly, "something's wrong."

_**Alice**_

I recognized the signs. Bella was having a seizure. I ran across the room toward her as I watched fall back onto the bed. At least she was sitting this time. "Oh, shit. Bella, honey, lay down before you fall. Rosie, go grab a cold cloth. Bella, sweetie, open your eyes for me."

Bella stared blindly at me, not responding. When her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and her body began to shake, I gently rolled her onto her side, away from the edge of the bed, and talked her through the seizure.

"Shh, sweetie, it's okay. It's just a small seizure and you're doing fine. Just keep breathing. I'm so sorry I yelled at you. This is all my fault."

It didn't last long and Bella fully relaxed after a minute, but it was an excruciatingly long minute; it felt like forever. I breathed a huge sigh of relief that it wasn't a full-on grand mal seizure. This one was mild compared to some of the ones she'd had in the past.

I remembered the first time she'd had one in my presence and I shuddered.

"_Alice?" Bella asked as we walked toward our dorm room. We had just finished writing an exam and were headed home to take a nap after pulling a seriously long overnight study session._

"_Yeah, Bells?"_

"_Do you smell something?" she said, sniffing at the air. "It smells like something's burning. Do you think we left our hotplate on?"_

"_No, I don't smell anything at all. I think you're just smelling your fried brain. Man, that exam was tough!"_

"_Ha ha on the brain joke, Pixie, nice one. But seriously, I smell…"_

_Bella didn't have a chance to finish her thought because she dropped to the ground like a ton of lead. Her body jerked spastically on the cold, hard floor, and I stood there like a moron, not knowing what to do._

"_BELLA!! OH MY GOD! SOMEONE HELP!" I cried out as I dropped my bag and got on my knees beside her. I knew I had seen a commercial on TV about what to do in case of a seizure, but I couldn't remember anything. Oh, wait…I pushed her onto her side, and put my sweater under her head so she'd stop making that horrible banging noise._

_One of the girls came flying out of her room and screamed, then ran down the hall to get the Resident Advisor, while her roommate ran out with a blanket. "Here, cover her up."_

_Victoria, the RA ran down the hall. "Someone call 911 NOW! Clear the way. Alice, what happened?"_

_I was crying like a moron at this point. "I don't know! We were going to our room after finishing our exam and she complained about smelling something burning, then she fell on the floor and started shaking. Is she going to be okay?"_

_Victoria readjusted Bella's position on the floor, pushed her hair out of her face, and asked how long she'd been down. _

"_I don't know, a minute or two?"_

"_Does she have a history of seizures?" Victoria asked, not taking her eyes off my poor, shaking, best friend._

"_Not that I know of. She had a head injury, but you knew about that, right?"_

"_Easy, Bella, it's okay, it's almost over," Victoria said to Bella quietly. "Alice, can you please try talking to her? Tell her it's going to be okay, that's she's just having a seizure."_

"_Yeah," I said, wiping the snot off my face. I crouched down beside her and ran my fingers through her now-tangled hair and talked to her until she stopped shaking. The medics arrived shortly after, taking her vitals, and packing the two of us into the ambulance for a swift trip to the hospital._

_Victoria showed up later and sat with me in the waiting room. She explained in very general terms what had happened, and how she thought it was probably best if we had someone come into the dorm to show everyone what to do in case it happened again. I sat there and cried until we were able to go see her. Poor Bella was a mess. Her face was bruised, she had a big knot on her head, and more so than anything, her pride was hurt. When she was more coherent, she started to cry and apologized for scaring me so bad. I crawled up in the bed with her and we cried together. _

_She was terribly embarrassed when she returned to the dorm a couple of days later, ashamed that everyone had seen her flopping on the floor, but amazingly, everyone had filled our room with balloons, flowers, cards, and no one ever brought it up again. A week later, a representative from the Epilepsy Society had come and given us a talk about what to do if someone has a seizure, and the next time it happened, we didn't panic…well, not nearly as much. Seizures are scary shit, doesn't matter how big or small._

That was the first of many seizures over the first couple of years that I knew Bella. Poor girl lost her driver's license, leaving me to get us around in my car or The Beast. She was seizure-free for the required year in order to get her license back by the end of third year and boy, was she happy. Her happiness was short-lived, because it was Thanksgiving last year when she'd had a seizure and crashed her truck and she lost her license again. This most recent incident would set her back another year and she wasn't going to be happy about that in the least.

Rosalie placed a cool cloth on Bella's forehead and gently rubbed her arms. "Bella, you did great. It's over."

Bella's clothes were soaked with sweat, so Rose and I undressed her and put her into warm, dry, pajamas before tucking her in. We crawled onto the bed and wrapped ourselves around her so she wouldn't feel alone in the odd case that she were to wake up so soon.

Emmett and Jasper stomped down the hallway a while later, laughing.

"I found this big guy pacing in front of the house; said no one would answer the door or the phone…" he trailed off when he saw us on Bella's bed.

"What happened? What did my moronic brother do?" Emmett asked as he rushed over to the bedside.

"Bella had a seizure," I said, quietly.

"What?" both Jasper and Emmett said at the same time.

"Is she okay? How bad was it?" Jasper asked.

"It wasn't too bad, just a little one. She's sleeping now." I gave her a small squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. "She seems to be okay, she didn't vomit this time, so it was easier."

Jasper sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed Bella's arm. "What happened? What brought it on this time?"

I wasn't sure if I should own up to my responsibility in this mess, but Rose was there, she'd call me out on it in two seconds, not to mention I hate lying to Jasper. "She's exhausted, stressed out, and…well, we were fighting." I mentally flinched from my expected response.

"Why? What's going on?" Jasper said, crawling up on the bed and pulling me into his arms and hugging me.

It was so hard to get the words out. It was like they were stuck to the roof of my mouth like peanut butter. "She took Edward back."

Silence filled the room until I couldn't take it anymore. I shoved Jasper off the bed, got up, and led him from the room into the hallway.

"Did you just say that she took Edward back?" Jasper was still in shock.

I wrapped my arms around his waist for support, and to hide my face from his as I admitted what I'd done. "Yes, and I totally freaked out on her, told her she had to choose. This is all my fault, Jasper, I should have…"

Jasper kissed me in what was probably an attempt to shut me up. When he broke off, he spoke gently as he ran his fingers up and down my cheeks, "Sh, baby, it's not your fault she had a seizure, we saw this coming. While I don't know if I totally agree with making her choose between him and us, it's good that you didn't baby her.

"But please tell me this: did you mean it? Would you really turn your back on her when she ultimately chooses him, because you know she's going to?"

"I don't know, Jazzy, I just can't go through any more Edward-related heartfail. We've been doing this for four years and I'm tired," I replied, tears welling up in my eyes. I slumped against him, seeking support and comfort.

His grip tightened on me as he leaned us against the wall opposite her room. "But darlin', what if he's got his shit together? What if it really works? Could you deny her the joy of being with her soul mate?"

"No, but…"

"Bella is a big girl and she needs to figure this out. We need to let her do it, and be there if she falls."

"But…"

Jasper kissed me again. "Baby, we both love her like a sister and it kills us both to see her hurting, but she would stand by us and we need to support her, even if we don't agree. And don't think for a minute that I won't kill him if he fucks up again. I know I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of them being together, but I can see a change in her; she needs him, baby."

I wasn't sure there was enough strength in my arms to convey the amount of love I was feeling for Jasper at that very moment. I didn't necessarily agree with him, but I think deep down I knew he was right, it was my stubborn nature to fight it. "I love you, Jasper. I feel so blessed that our love hasn't been as complicated as theirs. God, listen to me, I sound like one of the heaving-bosomed women you find in a Harlequin romance. Anyway, I'll try to give them a chance to sort this out; I'll try not to be too mouthy, and I'll try to be nice to him."

"He's really not a bad guy, babe. He's been through a lot; he lost his baby too. A little compassion will go a long way." He kissed my hair, and smiled against my head, "And so will a bit of bosom heaving."

I giggled, then sighed, not wanting to ruin the moment, but I knew we couldn't stay out here forever. "We should check on Bella."

Emmett and Rose were curled up in the bed with a still-sleeping Bella. I smiled at the closeness the new couple had found in such a short period of time. My heart swelled when I saw that they were staring deeply into each other's eyes as they held hands overtop Bella, rubbing comforting circles on her side in tandem.

"How's she doing?" Jasper asked quietly, not wanting to disturb Bella, but loud enough to break the silent eyefucking going on between Emmett and Rosalie.

"She's out cold. How long is she normally out?" Emmett replied.

"She won't be up before noon. Crap, she won't be able to work tomorrow and she was supposed to train Adam on closing," I supposed at that point that I'd have to go in and cover for her. I didn't mind in the least, but it seemed that Jazz and I had been covering for her an awful lot, not to mention, she would be missing out on prime Adam time.

"I'll go in for her. Orientation is over at noon, so I'm free after that. I suppose if this is the case, I should probably go to bed," Jasper said, as he hugged me to him.

"We can stay with her if you want," Rosalie offered.

I smiled at the thought of another uninterrupted night of slumber. "Would you guys mind? We could really use the sleep."

"No problem, Little One, we've got her. Rosie, I need to call my brother. Will you be okay with her?"

Rose lovingly stroked Bella's hair and smiled. "Sure thing, go ahead."

Emmett gave both of his girls a kiss on the cheek and left to call Edward.

_**Edward**_

"Hi, Em," I said, as I answered my phone.

"Hey bro, what's up?" he asked.

"Just playing some piano and working through some things. It's been a messed up day, Bella…" I had immediately gone to my piano when I got home after dropping Bella off at her house. I had some major things I needed to sort through, and the only time I could ever think clearly was when I was playing my piano.

"Yeah, I heard," he said, cutting me off, "about Bella, she uh, well, she had a seizure tonight. I'm at her place right now."

My heart stuttered for a moment. "WHAT? Is she okay?"

"Yeah, it was a mild one, from what Alice said. Anyway, everyone is upset over here, so Rose and I are going to stay with Bella while Alice and Jasper get some rest."

"Oh my god. Should I go over?" I was already up from my piano bench and stalking toward my bedroom where I was going to change my clothes and then go back over to Bella's.

"That's entirely up to you. I don't know exactly what was said in your conversation today so I don't know how she'd react to finding you here when she wakes up. If you think she'll be comforted by your presence, then please, by all means, come over. If you think it'll upset her, then stay home; she doesn't need any more bullshit today."

Hell no, I'm not staying away. Not now. Not ever again. "I'm on my way, Em."

"Can you bring me a change of clothes for work and maybe some pajamas?"

"Sure thing. I'll be there shortly."

I ran to his room, grabbed some clothes and toiletries for Em before barreling out the door, into the Volvo and speeding off to Bella's house. I didn't care if I was pulled over, she needed me.

God, I hope our discussion today didn't bring on the seizure. I'd never be able to live with myself if I hurt her in any way again; I've done enough damage for a million lifetimes. Please be okay, Love. I don't ever want to live without you again.

_**Bella**_

Oh God, my head. What the hell happened? The pain shooting through all the lobes of my brain was excruciating, almost unbearable. I tried to open my eyes, but found that I couldn't, it hurt too much. I tried to swallow, but my throat was so dry it hurt.

"Water?" I croaked weakly.

A moment later, I felt my head being lifted, and a glass being put to my lips. Cool water slid past my chapped lips and into my parched mouth. It eased the burn in my throat and I couldn't help but moan. I didn't even really bother to swallow, I just allowed it to run its course down my throat and I could feel it as it splashed into my stomach.

"Are you okay?"

"Mm…I think so. God, my head hurts so bad, Edward."

EDWARD? What the hell? Where was I? How did I get here? I tried to open my eyes again, and eventually I succeeded., As soon as I was able to focus, I saw him kneeling beside me on the bed.

"Hi," he whispered, smiling. "Can you stomach some Advil?"

I nodded gently, afraid my head might fall apart if I moved too much.

"Okay, hang on. I'll go grab some." He released his hold on me, but I couldn't let him go. What if he didn't come back?

"Wait," I whispered, "please don't go."

He sat beside me and ran his fingers through my tangled hair and I wondered if he was doing it because he remembered how it always used to soothe me. I lay there in his arms and just enjoyed the moment for what it was. After a few minutes, though, it struck me that I still had no idea how we ended up in bed and me with a splitting headache, unless…

"What happened?" I finally asked, terrified of the answer.

He ran a thumb over the apple of my pale cheek and spoke quietly when he finally did. "You had a seizure, Love."

As much as I didn't want it to happen, I started to cry. The pressure had built up so intensely that I didn't care that it felt like my head was going to explode. I felt rotten; I was embarrassed because I couldn't remember where I had been when it happened and who had seen it. I was upset because the seizures were just another painful reminder that I wasn't the same old Bella I used to be.

I could feel movement as Edward pulled me up against his chest and held me as I cried. When I didn't calm down right away, he began to sing:

_"You are my sunshine  
My only sunshine  
You make me happy  
When skies are grey  
You'll never know, dear  
How much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away" _

Like a balm on a burn, the sound of Edward singing my song, holding me, loving me, made me feel a lot better than any Advil could.

"Thank you," I said as I wrapped my arms around him. I sighed almost contentedly when I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"Better?"

"Infinitely."

"Want me to get the Advil?"

Torn, I sighed heavily and weighed my options for a moment. Edward interrupted my internal debate. "Bella, are you okay?" Shit, I must have gapped out. Way to scare him, Bella.

"Yeah, I'm okay. No Advil."

He shifted us so he could look at me. "Why? I thought your head hurt," he said, trailing a finger down my cheek.

I tried to look at him, but the movement made my head throb painfully. "I don't want you to go; you're better than Advil right now."

"I'll get it," Emmett said from the doorway. "Can I get you anything else before I go to work?"

"Emmy? What? I'm so confused," I said, closing my eyes again. This was all becoming too much. When did Emmett get there? Was the whole damn town in my house?

"Edward, you can explain it to her while I grab some stuff. Can you eat, Baby Girl?"

Ugh, the thought of food made my stomach lurch in a bad way. "No, but more water would be nice."

I settled back onto Edward and groaned. I was hurting in places I forgot I had. He held me again, and began to quietly tell me what had happened.

"So it was just me and the girls? You didn't see it?"

"Nope," he said, kissing the top my aching head.

"Thank God." Thank God indeed. The last thing I need is him seeing Broken Bella V2.0 doing the funky chicken and drooling all over herself.

"Would it be so bad? It's nothing to be ashamed of, Bella. It happens."

"Yes, it would be so bad. It's embarrassing. I know I shouldn't be ashamed, but I can't control when, where, or how it happens and you can't tell me you wouldn't be a bit upset if you had seizures in front of strangers, right?" I sighed as the little men with the hammers pounding away at my brain were increasing their speed and intensity. "Can we stop talking for a minute? My head is going to explode."

"Okay," he whispered to me, "rest up. I'm not going anywhere."

_**Edward**_

Emmett returned with a glass of water and a bottle of Advil, but Bella had already fallen asleep again. He left them on her bedside table and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Is she okay?" he asked.

"I think so. She's embarrassed and in a lot of pain, but otherwise okay."

"Embarrassed?" he sat gently on the edge of the bed and gently stroked her cheek. "Why? It wasn't her fault."

"I know, but she is. You know our Bella."

He smiled at me. "Yeah, I do. So, what exactly happened with you two today?"

Bella stirred slightly, before turning so she was lying across my chest. I motioned for Emmett to pass me the afghan at the end of the bed, which he carefully draped across her.

"We, uh, we shouted it out in a public park."

"And?" he asked, cocking his head.

A lump I didn't know was in my throat suddenly made its presence known and I all but choked on it. "She still loves me. I don't know how or why, but she does. She wants me back."

Emmett grinned. "Congrats, dickhead. I don't know why she did either, because I would have kicked your ass from here to Antarctica and back, but good for you. I think you guys need each other. But, tread lightly, little man. Don't break her again."

I exhaled, frustrated. "Why does everyone think I'm going to fuck this up?"

"Because your track record is far from pristine, Edward. Did you really think everyone who loves her would throw out the welcome mat for the asshole who broke her in the first place?"

"I suppose you're right."

"Watch out for Alice, dude, she's out for blood. I have to run, I'm late for work."

"Shit, what time is it?"

"It's almost nine. Thank God we're only doing classroom prep in the mornings. I have meetings this afternoon, but I'll keep my phone on vibrate in case you need me, okay?"

"Thanks, Em."

Emmett leaned over and rubbed my head. "Take care of her, kiddo."

"I will."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before he left the room, closing the door on his way out and leaving us in darkness. She stirred again, mumbled something, and her heavy sleep-breathing resumed. I wasn't far behind her in falling asleep.

When I awoke some time later, Alice and Jasper were standing in the room. They had come to check on her. Bella stirred a little, let out a groan and a whimper. Alice came over and asked if she wanted some more Advil. Bella opened an eye and gave a weak nod before she winced. We helped her sit up long enough to swallow something for her headache and some water, then repositioned her to the way she had been, and I think she was out again before her head hit my chest.

"How long does she usually sleep?" I whispered to Alice.

Alice placed her hand on Bella's forehead. "It's different every time; she's been so tired lately that she'll probably sleep until later this afternoon. I can take over if you want."

Bella grunted, then squeezed me tighter, making me laugh. "Guess she wants me to stay."

Alice rolled her eyes before walking away toward the bathroom. I heard her rummaging around, then water running. When she returned, she had a cold cloth in her hand. She placed it gently on Bella's warm forehead, then moved toward the door.

"Alice?" I whisper-yelled.

"Yes, Edward," she replied in a voice that was heavy with sadness.

"I'm sorry."

She turned back around so she was facing me. This time her voice sounded shocked. "What for?"

"For all you've had to deal with—I've been the cause of a lot of heartache for Bella, but I can see it's had a huge impact on you and Jasper as well, so I am truly sorry." And I was. I should have been the one shouldering all of this all these years.

Alice merely nodded, turned, and started to leave the room.

"Alice?"

"What now, Edward?"

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For loving her. For looking after her…"

"Stop, Edward," she said, resting her head on the doorframe. "Please stop. You're making it very hard to dislike you."

I'm not sure why I was so shocked by her statement. Of course she hated me. I needed to hear from her why. "You dislike me?"

I could tell that she was using a lot of restraint as she spoke. "I hate what you did. I think Bella deserves a chance to be with someone else before she ultimately ties herself to you." She paused for a moment, wrung her hands, and I could see her shoulders slumping in the shadows. "I'm scared for her, Edward, I'm terrified that she's going to settle because of your obvious connection to Emma and the fact that you are the only man she's ever been with. I want you to give her some space, please."

I spluttered my response. "What?"

Alice's body language changed. She stood in the door with her legs shoulder-width apart, and her hands on her hips. "You heard me. Someone has expressed interest in her and I think she deserves a chance to test the waters. Can you love her enough to give her that courtesy?"

I shook my head. I had heard the words come out of her mouth, but it didn't make sense to me. "I can't even begin to process what you're asking."

"Think about it and get some sleep, you look like shit."

Alice shut the door and left a thick, heavy, cloud of confusion in her wake.

Can I let her go? Is Alice right about this? Am I hurting Bella? Good Lord, I am, aren't I? I'm holding her back. She's been stagnant all these years because of me, she finally meets someone and I come back. God, I'm a monster. I'm being completely and utterly selfish. My brain continued to be flooded with thoughts, none of which were ones I even wanted to consider. I looked down at Bella's peaceful, sleeping form and sighed. This would be a decision SHE would have to make, because I wouldn't let go of her this time unless she wanted me to.

_**Bella**_

I woke up angry, confused, and even more so, I was extremely frustrated because I didn't know why I was feeling like this. I slowly realized that I was draped across Edward's chest and calmed down a little bit; he'd stayed. Why he was here in the first place still evaded me, but I wasn't about to complain. It felt so good having him beside me; it felt so right.

"Ugh," I groaned; I felt worse physically than I had in a long time.

"Bells?" Alice whispered from the door, "do you want me to run a bath for you?"

"Please," I whispered back, not wanting to wake Edward. Turning slightly so as not to wake him, I situated myself so I could observe his peaceful slumber; if only he could look and feel so relaxed when he was awake. I greedily traced the lines of his face; the strong line of his jaw, now dotted with stubble; the shell of his ear; his prominent brooding brow; the angular shape of his nose, and those lips—it was hard to hold myself back from kissing him. The urge to mold my lips to their rightful home was overwhelming.

Kissing two fingertips, I gently pressed my kiss on his lips before moving to get up. "Thank you," I whispered to him.

Alice ran to the bed when she heard me moving. "Careful, Bells, don't move too fast. I don't want you falling down on me."

The room swam dizzily in front of me for a moment when I finally reached the state of verticality. My hands fisted in my hair in a futile attempt to keep things form moving. It took a couple of moments for things to settle down, and as soon as I was able to, I nodded to Alice that I was okay and ready to move.

"Up and at 'em," she whispered as she put my arm around her shoulder, then secured her own around my waist. "You okay?" she asked, worried.

I grunted as my muscles tightened and threatened to go into full Charley horse mode. I couldn't wait to get into the tub and soak and try to release some of the tension built up. "Yup, I think so. Did you…"

She winked at me. "Epsom salts? Yup."

Sighing, I gave her a weak squeeze. "You are a goddess, Alice. Oh, can we make a potty pit stop? I have to pee. I take it I didn't wet myself this time?"

"Nope, you were bodily fluid-free, this time," Alice said, guiding me to the toilet, where I relieved myself with a big sigh.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said as Alice helped me take off pajamas I didn't remember putting on. As soon as I was naked, she helped me over and into the deep tub. A huge sigh of relief rose above the steam as the heat loosened my tight and cramped muscles.

Alice spoke as she wet a washcloth in the warm water. "Stop apologizing, Bella. Does that feel better? Do you want the jets?"

I shook my head. "No, it'd probably make me sick. My stomach is feeling really shitty."

She jumped up. "Oh shit, I forgot something. I'll be right back." She ran out of the bathroom, leaving me alone to soak.

Taking deep cleansing breaths, I tried to remember what had happened. I had a seizure; that much I knew. Edward had somehow ended up in my bed, but how that happened was still a bit of a mystery.

What I wasn't cloudy on was that I was happy he was here, hell, I was ecstatic. I knew for sure that I wanted him back and that for the first time in years I felt okay, more complete. Well, as complete as I could ever imagine feeling with Emma and my parents gone.

Alice returned with toast and tea on a tray. She set it down beside the tub and handed me the teacup.

The tart aroma seduced my sensitive nose. "Mm…apple," I moaned. "Heavenly. Thank you, Ali."

"Quit thanking me, would you?" she said as she motioned for me to lean forward so she could wash my back.

"What time is it?"

"Three in the afternoon."

I sat up too fast, nearly spilling my tea. "I have to train Adam!"

"Relax, sweetie. I'm going to head down after you get out of the tub and go back to bed. Jasper and I are going to do it for you, so no worries, okay?"

I rested my heavy head on my knees after setting down my mug of tea. "Oh God, I suck so hard. He's going to think I'm incompetent."

Alice resumed washing my back. It felt wonderful. "No he won't. He'll be worried, but he'd never think that. He really likes you."

I scoffed into my kneecaps. "Really? What was your first clue? I don't know why you'd ever think that?" The sarcasm was dripping faster than the water from the faucet.

Alice took a deep breath, "I think you should…"

God, not now. I had to cut her off before she got too far into it. It was time for me to put my foot down. "Enough, Alice. I'm trying to work things out with Edward."

Alice sighed as she rinsed out the washcloth. "I think you should get to know him, give him a chance."

A memory dropped on me like a ton of lead. "Oh my god, we were talking about this before I had the seizure, weren't we. I can't believe you're bringing this up again." I splashed my hands in the water to emphasize my annoyance.

"Okay, Splashy McSplashington, let's keep the water in the pool." She laughed at me, before becoming a little more serious. "Admit it, Bells, Adam is hot."

The groan that escaped gave me away. "Yes. I'll give him that. He makes my girl bits tingle, but he doesn't make my heart sing. Edward does. I touch him and I feel the electricity, the same shock that I felt when we first met. Adam makes me feel…dirty or something when he touches me." I shuddered at the memory of his aggressive hug at the store. "I'm sorry, Alice, but Edward is my future. Adam is great, I think he and I could be good friends, but my heart wants Edward."

_**Edward**_

I know it's really wrong, and I totally shouldn't have done it, but as I lay on Bella's bed, I couldn't help but overhear what was going on in the bathroom. I really wanted to run into the bathroom, jump into the tub, and kiss Bella stupid when she said that her heart wanted me, but I knew better.

Next, I heard muffled voices getting louder before Alice stomped out.

"I hope you're happy, Cullen," she shot venomously at me.

"Alice, wait." I begged her. I didn't want Bella's best friend hating me so vehemently. It would make things so much harder for Bella, and right now she didn't need any further complications.

"Don't," she said as she stopped in the doorway. Her face was obscured by shadows but I didn't need to see it to know she was upset. "I hope you're happy. Just let me say this: I don't condone this relationship. I think it's doomed because you don't have the balls to be a big enough man for her.

"I'm scared you're going to break her and just so you know, if you do, you'll wish you were dead because we will make your life hell. We will make it our mission to make sure your every waking moment is miserable.

"You have a lot of trust to earn, mister, and it's not going to come easily. She's made her choice and I can't change her mind. It's just too bad you don't have the cajones to let her try with someone else."

Alice stormed out and slammed her bedroom door.

"Edward?" Bella called from the bathroom.

"Yes, Love?"

"Is she gone?"

"Yes."

Bella walked shakily back out to the bed, tears falling onto the baby blue fleece robe she was wearing. "I'm sorry about that; she's really protective of me. She'll warm up to you, eventually, I hope."

I chuckled and moved over to make room for her on the bed. She snuggled into me and twisted the thin cotton of my wife beater around her fingers.

After a few moments of silence, I had to address the big white elephant sitting in the room. I didn't necessarily want to hear the answer because I knew it could break my heart, but just the same, I needed to know. "Bella, do you want to try with Adam? I don't want you to give up on a chance with Adonis. He seems rather fond of you."

"No, Edward, I don't." She seemed firm in her response.

"Are you sure? No regrets."

She smiled at me through the remaining tears. "He is kind of hot in a surfer boy kind of way, but no, I can't see myself with him when I picture the future."

"Who do you see?" I asked, taking her face in my hands and searching her eyes for the truth.

"You."

It was true. Her eyes were smiling, and my heart was singing. "You promise? You won't feel like you're missing out on hottie boy?"

Her small hand traced indistinguishable shapes on my chest, before she tweaked one of my nipples playfully. "You're the only hottie for me."

"Man, that was cheesy, but appreciated." I nuzzled my nose in her hair. "It's only ever been you, Bella."

She sighed heavily before speaking next. "There were no others over the years?"

"Nope."

She looked up at me again. "That's not what Lauren Mallory said."

I laughed. "When did you start listening to that skeezoid skank?"

"I didn't know what to think. I didn't know where you had been, where you were, what you were doing, who you were doing. I had no other link to you."

"I suppose you're right. But no, I haven't kissed, fondled, groped, or slept with anyone since you. To be honest, I haven't even thought about it."

"Me either," she said, blushing, "well, except for Adam."

"Adam," I growled playfully, "my arch nemesis."

"Hey now, we didn't do anything."

"But he made your girlie bits tingle?"

She swatted me weakly. "You were eavesdropping!"

I laughed loudly again and felt her head bouncing on my chest. It was hard to keep the smile from my face. It felt like the lazy Sunday mornings we spent together after Emma was born.

There hadn't been a lot of room at the Swan residence, so Carlisle and Esme had offered to have Bella and Emma move in with us. Since it was obvious that we'd been having premarital relations, we were allowed to share my bed; however, Carlisle himself gave Bella her quarterly Depo Provera shots to prevent another surprise from happening. Not that anyone regretted Emma coming into our lives; the timing was just, well, far from ideal.

"Edward?"

"Mm…?" I hummed.

"Can you, er, will you tell me about…" she trailed off nervously.

"What's that, Love?"

"Tell me about the day you left, please?" she squeezed me tightly.

I groaned out loud. "Why?"

"I need to know. I…I have a memory or something; it could have been a dream for all I know. It's been haunting me for years and I really need to know."

Squirming in my spot, I shifted her so we were lying face-to-face. "What do you remember?"

"It's hazy, but it feels so real, even now," she said, running her fingers over my lips before moving them up into my hair.

"Go ahead, love, you can tell me," I implored, running my hand up and down her side.

"I heard you say something—let me see if I can get it right." She paused to gather her thoughts and recall the words. "You kissed me and, it was like you breathed the words into me. You said, _May you bless every life that you touch, my love, and may they bless you the way you have blessed me. I am sorry I'm not strong enough to love you the way that you need me to,_ and then you started singing a song."

My heart stopped for a moment and I coughed. Clearing my throat, I looked her in the eye and sang quietly,

_"I know some day you'll have a beautiful life,  
I know you'll be a star  
In somebody's else's sky  
But why?  
Why can't it be mine?"_

Bella gasped. "It WAS real, wasn't it?"

I nodded sadly. "I took the coward's way out by singing Pearl Jam. Eddie Vedder would probably love to put the smackdown on me."

"You didn't leave because you stopped loving me, did you?"

"No. I've always loved you. I never stopped. I never will. Even when you decide to test drive the new eye candy at the store, I will still love you."

"I still don't understand how you could leave if you loved me." Her voice was quiet, sad, and it broke my heart.

"I was falling apart, Bella. I'd lost Emma and I was about to lose you. I panicked and I couldn't watch it. They kept asking me if I wanted to pull the plug."

She sat up so she was looking down at me. "What? No one told me about that."

I pulled her back down, hugged her, and kissed her forehead. "Would you have wanted to know? Do you think any of us could ever admit to contemplating ending your life?"

"Probably not. So you couldn't kill me in body, so you shattered my heart."

"I never said it was a well-thought out plan. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had told them to pull the plug and you'd died. I would not be the one to steal the sun from the sky."

"No, instead you left and took it with you."

"I'm sorry," I said, sadly.

"Thank you, you know, for not killing me," she said, smiling at me.

"I didn't figure you'd be thanking me."

Bella tilted her head and brought her gloriously warm lips to mine. "Say _you're welcome_, _Bella_, and kiss me."

I nipped at her bottom lip. "You're welcome, Bella."

Our arms tangled as we held each other and kissed like long lost lovers.

* * *

**_Thoughts? _**

**_You know I like to hear them._**

**_Fanfic recs coming in my next update. I'm just now back from Christmas at my mom's and i haven't been keeping up with much of anything. ;) Slacker!_**

**_Musical obsession of the moment? The Soundtrack for Glee. _**


	12. Chapter 12

**_Just thought I'd give you a New Year's Eve present._**

**_SM still owns._**

**_Mad props to Minnakoda and Katmom for their tireless efforts. :)_**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Jasper**_

I was just finishing up with a customer when Adam showed up for his training session. I could see the disappointment in his face when he walked in and found it was me and not the object of his affection.

"Hey, Jasper, where's Bella?" Adam asked as he walked into the store. If crestfallen applied to a face, it would certainly be the perfect description of his. "I thought she was training me tonight."

I tried really hard not to laugh at his sad puppy dog face. "Sorry, dude, she's not feeling well. Alice and I will be your teachers tonight."

After setting down his messenger bag by the mini fridge, he turned and frowned at me. "She's not avoiding me, is she? I came off a little strong last night."

"No, buddy, she's not avoiding you; like I said, she's not feeling well. No need to get your manties in a bunch. So, shall we get started? What did she show you yesterday?"

Adam showed me what Bella had taught him about the cash, the layout of the store, dealing with the less-desirable customers, how to understand the cryptic messages from head office and inventory.

"Can you PLEASE explain why most of the shift is spent obsessively counting things?" he asked as he printed off an inventory checklist.

"Well…"

Before I could continue, Alice stormed into the store, muttering to herself. Shit, this is not going to be good. I reached for her, but she slapped my hands away.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong?"

"Bella—that's what's wrong."

I grabbed her this time, despite her flailing, lifted her up onto the counter, and stood between her legs. Trying to calm her down, I ran my hands up and down her thighs and placed quick kisses across her face. "Calm down, baby. Tell me what happened?"

"Is Bella okay?" Adam asked, worried.

"Bella's screwed in the head," she proclaimed angrily.

"Hey, now, calling her names isn't cool. Just because she's brain damaged doesn't…"

Alice cut him off so fast he never saw it coming. "Shut it, Adam."

He stepped back and frowned, then turned away. I cocked an eyebrow at her and jerked my head in his direction. She was out of line and she knew it.

"Adam, I'm sorry. You're getting dragged into a major clusterfuck of a situation." She turned her attention back to me after her weak attempt at an apology. "Jazzy, she's definitely taking him back."

I hugged her, rubbing her back as I spoke. "Ali, let her make her own decisions. It's time we cut the apron strings. If she falls apart again…"

Alice slapped my chest with her open palms. "Jebus, you sound like a broken Dr. Phil record. I know I should be happy for her, but it's hard. She's giving up Adam, here, for Angstward the Running Man."

"So the, er, complication is really back for good?" Adam said, sadly. "Damn it."

"Don't give up, Adam. As Bella says, _there's always hope._"

"I don't think you should be blowing sunshine up the new boy's butt, sweetheart," I whispered to her, "I don't think she'll give up Edward so easily."

"So honestly, guys, is she really sick?" Adam asked as he rang in a purchase for a customer.

"Yes, she really is not feeling well today."

As soon as he had dealt with the customer and sent him on his way, he turned back to us, the canoodling couple on the counter. "I'm starting to develop a complex here. So, what's the deal with Bella and her complication anyway?"

Alice gave me a kiss, and then hopped down so she could stand closer to Adam. "This is really not my place to do this, but you have a right to know. Bella and Edward…"

"Alice!" I warned. "This is SO not your story to tell." I moved toward her, but she held up her hands and waved me off. I wasn't sure if I could handle listening to this, it made me feel dirty, so I tried to busy myself with putting the week's bank deposit statements in some kind of order while my beloved pixie divulged things she had no right to talk about.

"Oh, poo, Jazzy. Anyway, Bella and Edward dated in high school. He knocked her up in tenth grade, so by eleventh grade they were the first unwed teenage parents at Forks High."

I winced at Adam's reaction to the news that Bella had given birth. He was shocked to say the least, as most people are when they find out. "She's a mom? Where's the kid? She didn't tell me anything about a kid."

"There was an accident; Bella's parents and her 2 year-old daughter were killed on impact. She survived, but barely. Edward couldn't handle it, you know, losing his kid and watching Bella dying, so he bailed. Only, Bella lived, well, her body did. He killed something in her when he left."

I turned around when I heard a loud bang and Adam's voice rising in volume. "How could he do that? What an asshat!"

"I KNOW!" Alice shouted in reply to her new ally. Fuck me, they're going to gang up on her. "So, after five years apart, guess who showed up a couple of weeks ago?"

"Edward. And just like that she took him back? Over me? Ouch!"

Shaking my head, I turned to address them. "If you two old hens are done with your gossiping, Adam needs to learn more than just Bella's past to work here. Besides, Alice, what happened to leaving it alone? Letting them figure it out?"

"Bite me, Jazzy."

Bite me? There haven't been many times in my life with Alice that I've been angry with her, but she was fixin' to make this one of the top moments. She was fiercely protective of Bella if someone else was attacking her, but heaven forbid anyone tell Alice to stay out of it. I turned to her and grabbed her shoulders firmly enough to make her understand that I meant business. "If you keep this up, Mary Alice Brandon, you're going to lose her; we'll lose her. I'm telling you now to stay out of it.

"So, Adam, why don't we get started on pricing?"

_**Bella**_

Edward and I were curled up on the sectional sofa in the living room with Fred, talking, when Emmett and Rosalie showed up. Fred took off with a screech when Emmett flopped over the side and lay there, smiling at us, while Rose vaulted over and landed on his legs.

"Hey, be careful of the Fred! He was there first. You shouldn't have scared him off like that, he's had a rough day," I pouted as I tried to get Fred to come back.

I don't think Emmett heard a word I said, and I understood why after he spoke. "Is anybody hungry? Rosie suggested that we BBQ tonight."

Of course, he wanted food. "I'm not very hungry, but you guys go ahead."

Emmett frowned as he reached for my hand. "Baby Girl, you're so skinny, you need to eat. Please let me fatten you up a bit."

I rubbed my stomach with my free hand and frowned to emphasize my point. "My belly is still kind of upset from last night. I'm cool with toast and tea, but please, make yourselves at home."

"Why don't we let the boys do the cooking, eh, Bells?" Rosalie said, shooting me a definite _we need to talk_ look.

Catching on to what she was implying, I yawned and stretched out. "That sounds good to me. Edward used to make a potato salad that was just to die for."

He nuzzled my neck. "Would you eat some if I made it?"

"Maybe. If I can't stomach it tonight, I could certainly eat it tomorrow, and I don't know if you remember or not, but I was definitely a day-after potato salad kind of girl."

He smiled against my jaw. "Okay, well, I need to go to the store if you want me to make it. Are you going to be okay?"

I reached for Rosalie's hand. "I've got my Rosie. It's all good, you boys go ahead."

Edward leaned in for a kiss and I'm pretty sure he was surprised when I practically jumped him. "Be safe," I panted when we parted. "Come back, please."

His eyes were still huge from my little sendoff. "I promise. Do you need anything from the store? More tea? More bread for toast? Some chicken noodle soup?"

"Nope."

"Okay, Love, we'll see you soon."

Rosalie gave Emmett a kiss and slapped his ass as he walked away. As soon as she was sure they were gone, she turned to me. "Spill it, Toots."

"We're…we're…well, we're, uh, working on it. I've agreed to take him back and we're going to try. Oh, and thanks for calling him last night. Waking up in his arms this morning was exactly what I needed." I smiled at her and motioned for her to come sit closer.

Rose scooted up the chocolate brown couch and snuggled into me. Fred jumped back up onto the back of the sofa and tried his best to settle down. I felt a furry paw resting on my cheek once he was sprawled out, and I smiled. Have I mentioned how much I love Fred? He always knows what to do to make me happy.

"So everything's okay?" Rose said, breaking me out of my silent adoration of the cat.

"I hope it will be. There's one HUGE problem though."

"What's that?" she asked as she massaged my hand.

"Alice."

She sat up quickly and screeched, inciting Fred to let out a low growl. "What? What happened? I haven't heard from her all day. I've been texting like crazy, and nothing. I was starting to worry."

I reached up to give Fred a reassuring scratch behind the ears. "She's probably too pissed to text right now. She is SO not cool with me getting back together with Edward. I don't understand why—I thought she'd be happy for me. Instead, she's pitching ultimatums like woo. Pick him or pick you guys. How am I supposed to do that? She's still pushing the Adam thing too. It wouldn't be fair to go out with him; I am still very much in love with Edward. I don't think my attraction to Adam goes beyond the physical."

"He IS kind of hot. Alice showed me a picture of him online."

"Yes, I know he's hot, I'm painfully aware of just how hot he is, but he's not Edward."

Rosalie exhaled loudly. "I'm not going to put out any ultimatums, I will never make you choose, but I will say this; I'm worried. I don't want you to get hurt again, especially by him, because I don't think you'll survive."

When I began to protest, Rosalie stopped me. "I will stand back and let you call the shots because it's your life; I'm not your mother and I can't stop you. However, if this gets out of hand and your safety and/or sanity become endangered, then I will step in.

"On the other hand, I see a glow emanating from you that I've never seen in all the years I've known you. Your eyes are actually sparkling, and you seem more alive, so I can see that he makes you happy. Because you're my girl and I want you to be happy, I won't give you a hard time."

She turned around so she was facing me. "Please promise me one thing: take it slow. I know it would be easy to jump right back into things with him because it was so easy before, but you're not the same girl you were back then and I'd hate to see MY Bella fade into HIS Bella. You're strong, fun, loving, and cute as a button. Please don't change."

I was finding hard to fight back the tears. "Thank you, Rosie."

"I'm only speaking for myself, here. Alice is going to be harder to win over. She's, well, she's protective of you. When you hurt, it hurts her almost as much. She's been through so much with you, that's she's scared. You need to understand that."

"Scared of what?" I asked, as I absentmindedly raked my hands through Fred's soft, thick fur, his purrs acting as reassurance to my frazzled nerves.

"She's terrified of losing you. I'm telling you, sweetie, we're all scared shitless that at some point we're going to lose you. You have to understand where she's coming from; don't judge her too harshly."

"I just don't know what to do, Rosie. She's not going to listen to me."

Rosalie hugged me, knocking poor Fred off the back of the couch. "Don't use your words, Bells, show her. Let her see that you are happy and that things are going well. Just don't flaunt it at first; give her a chance to get used to it."

That made perfect sense, and Alice would hopefully come around sooner than later. "What do I do about Adam?"

"Adam? Ha! That's the easy part. Put your foot down. Don't toy with his emotions and I'll work on getting Alice to lay off you."

"Thank you, Rosie, really."

"I just want you to be happy. Don't make me regret it, kitten."

"I won't."

"So, you and Edward looked pretty cozy. Did you guys, uh, seal the deal?"

I slapped at her. "No! My God, I just had a seizure and the thought of having sex so soon scares me; I mean what if I had another one in the middle of it? Oh, good Lord, can you imagine?" I took a deep breath, before I added the next bit. "Besides, I'm not ready."

"It's been five years, Bells; I don't know how you survived this long without sex."

"Store discounts go a long way," I said, smirking.

She tackled me. "Oh, you dirty little minx."

I giggled. "No, not a minx, just a normal human female who has needs and has access to some incredible sex toys."

Rosalie hugged me again. "I don't know if it's possible to love a wing nut like you any more than I already do."

"I love you too, Rosie. Ugh, I need to shower. Would you mind hanging out outside the bathroom in case I go ass over kettle?"

"No problem. Shall I read Cosmo to you while you wash?"

Sometimes it was impossible not to laugh at her. "You're too much, sometimes."

"You love me, though," she said, smirking.

"Always."

"Alright then, let's…" she paused as she pulled the new issue of Cosmopolitan out of her purse, "let's learn one hundred ways to satisfy our men."

_**Edward**_

We returned to find the house quiet, save for the faint sound of running water and Rosalie's voice. We walked toward Bella's room and listened intently, picking up random words and the sound of girlish giggling.

"Head…lick…ice cream…swirl…" Rosalie said.

Emmett blushed. "I know what she's doing."

"What is it? Some twisted children's story?"

He shifted around uncomfortably before he replied. "No, it's…it's the latest issue of Cosmo."

"How do you know that?" I asked, teasing.

I could see that he was trying to save face, but it wasn't going to work; he was already in too deep and was going to have to come clean with me. "Well, technically, I don't know that it's the new one; the sex advice is pretty much the same in every issue."

"Again, brother mine, how would you know this?" I prodded.

Crimson bloomed brightly in his cheeks again. "I like to know what the ladies are thinking."

"Come on, tell the truth, Em."

"Fine," he huffed, "I like the hot stories. I mean, I do like knowing what the ladies are thinking, and I want to make sure they're teaching the proper methodology for keeping their men happy, but I have to admit that I really like reading the steamy one-shots."

"Sometimes you amaze me. Come on; let's cook dinner so we can keep OUR ladies happy." I said, as I walked back to the kitchen.

"Not that yours will be eating."

"Yeah, I know. She's so skinny, Em. I hope she's not anorexic or anything."

Rosalie walked into the kitchen and kissed Emmett. "No, Edward, our Bella is not anorexic, she has a hard time eating, and sometimes her appetite is non-existent. She says she wasn't like that before the accident."

"No," I said, sadly, "she could eat me under the table and give Em a run for his money."

Emmett reached for Rose's hand. "Rosie, come help me light the BBQ. Edward, let me know when the potatoes are ready for grilling."

I dug around in the cupboards looking for a bowl and colander. As soon as I found what I was looking for, I began to prepare the tiny potatoes for grilling. When they were ready, I took the bowl out to Emmett. Bella was standing in the kitchen when I came back in from the deck. She held her arms out to me.

Flashing my famous half-smile, I walked over and wrapped her in my arms, inhaling her scent and sighing deeply.

"Hi," she said quietly, "whatcha thinkin'?"

I widened my smile against her cheek. "I'm thinkin' I'm finally home. I didn't realize the extent of my homesickness until this very moment."

She relaxed in my arms. I could swear I heard her sniff at my neck. "Me too. It feels like I've been holding my breath and I've finally just exhaled."

"Is it wrong that I could cry right now?" Emmett said as he walked into the house. "I know, I know, big bad Emmett is being a sappy little girl, but I never thought I'd see this again." He walked over to hug us. "Aww, group hug. Come on, Rosie; join in so my favourite girls are together."

Bella laughed as Emmett squeezed us so hard that I actually squeaked.

"Uh, Em, don't forget about the steak," I reminded him when my ribs could take no more pressure from his death grip.

"Oh yeah. As you were." He ran to the kitchen to grab the steak.

Bella sat on a stool and watched me as I prepared the other veggies for the grill. I felt bad for her because it was no secret that she loved my salad, and if her stomach wasn't so sour, she'd probably eat the entire bowl. At least she would have.

As soon as the vegetables were on the grill being tended by Emmett, Bella brought up something she'd been avoiding.

"I don't know what your schedule is like for the next few days, but I'm going to be swamped between registering for school, meeting my advisors, and work. As much as I hate to say this, I won't be able to see you until the weekend sometime." She walked over and wrapped her arms around my waist. "This sucks."

"Actually, my schedule is pretty full too. Between my music classes and my educational theory classes, I'm going to be pretty busy myself. Why don't we make plans for dinner Saturday night? My house this time."

"That sounds great. It's a date," she said, walking away.

"Hey? Where are you going?"

Turning around, she smiled at me. "Well, this really hot guy just asked me out on a date and I'm going to tell my girlfriend about it."

_**Bella**_

The days passed in a blur. I spent most of my time waiting in lines on campus and working. Adam had really turned out to be a huge asset, although he was still making me feel a tad uncomfortable with some of the things he was saying. It was the little things that he said that made me sure that Alice was still pushing him to try. Sometimes his comments were benign, but once or twice, I caught him sneering something about my _stupid complication._

Alice—she was another story altogether. She wasn't speaking to me at all, and it was upsetting to say the least. In the entire four years of friendship and sisterhood, we had never been reduced to the silent treatment. Rose kept telling me to give it time, but really, how long could this continue? Jasper, who was the empathetic one of the group, was really suffering being stuck in the middle of it all.

"Bells, if I seem a little, ugh, standoffish, it's not because I don't love you, it just happen to love my balls," he'd said on Wednesday, after a particularly ugly silent standoff with Alice which lead to her stomping out the door.

I hugged him. "It's okay, Jazzy, I understand; sort of. I get why you're staying in the shadows, but I can't understand why Ali is so mad at me."

Jasper hugged me back and kissed the top of my head. "Bells, my dear, have you not learned anything about our sweet little pixie over your many years of blissful cohabitation? You know as well as I do that she's stubborn and hates to concede. If you could find a way to make her feel like she's won even the tiniest bit of the battle, then I think she'll come around."

"I wish I knew what I could do. Hell, I wish this whole thing wasn't even an issue."

"You'll figure it out. In the meantime, you should ask the Cullen boys to cook dinner again. Their feast the other night was awesome even if I only got the leftovers."

I was standing in the quad the following day getting caught up with my friend Angela, when I heard someone calling my name.

"Bella! Hey, Bella! Wait!"

Goosebumps prickled on my flesh and a wave of heat passed over me at the sound of my name being called out by Edward.

"Oh. My. God. Who is THAT?" Angela said, tightly gripping my arm.

Edward jogged over, stopping when he reached us and gathered me into his arms.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," I breathed back, tilting my head for a kiss, which he happily gave me.

Angela cleared her throat, effectively bringing us back to the real world. I laughed and ducked my head into his chest, embarrassed. "Sorry, Ang. Angela Weber, this is Edward Cullen, uh, an old friend?" I ended the statement with a questioning inflection because really, what was he to me at this point other than an old affectionate friend. "Edward, this is Angela, a former dorm mate and good friend."

"The pleasure is all mine, Angela."

I laughed at Angela's reaction to him. It almost looked like Angela was holding her breath. As it turned out, she later admitted she'd forgotten how to breathe.

"H…h…hi, Edward. It's nice to meet you."

Grabbing his head, I pulled it down so I could whisper to him. "Please stop dazzling my friends."

"Sorry," he said, smiling. "I know we weren't supposed to meet up until Saturday, but I saw you and…"

"Shh," I silenced him with a kiss. "It's okay. I missed you too."

Again, Angela cut into our moment. I'm such a horrible friend to ignore her like that, but much like Angela, I was totally dazzled by Edward's presence. "So, Edward, are you new to the campus? I don't remember seeing you around, but you look familiar. Have we met before?"

"No, I don't believe we have. I am new here, I just transferred."

"Oh, that's great. What are you studying?"

"Music Education."

Angela gave me a _lucky you_ look. "A musician, eh? My boyfriend isn't nearly as exciting. He's studying molecular something or other."

"Hey," a male voice said from behind her. "I heard that. I didn't realize you found me so boring."

"Sorry, baby, I didn't mean it like that." She turned around to hug him. "Ben, sweetie, this is Edward Cullen, Bella's, uh, friend."

"Edward Cullen?" Ben paused. "You look really familiar. You're not in the Science Faculty are you?"

"No, music."

"Wow, you…OH! I know, you're in that picture on Bella's mantle," he jumped up and down like he'd won a grand prize on a game show.

"YES!" Angela squealed, sharing in his exuberance, "that's totally it. Oh," she stopped, "oh." Her eyes grew to epic proportions.

I winced as Angela's face changed when she realized who he was. She didn't know the whole story, but she knew enough.

Ben, who might not be the most exciting man on the planet, had impeccable timing. "I hate to run off, but I need to go buy my lab supplies before the boys buy up all the good slides and burners. Edward, man, it was great to meet you. I hope we'll see you around. Bells, always a pleasure. Ang, I love you, babe."

"You too, Ben," Edward said before turning to me, seemingly nonplussed at what had just happened. "I have to run too. I just wanted to say hi. I'll call you later.

"Angela, it was a pleasure. I hope to see you again."

He leaned down and kissed me. "Love you."

"Mm…" I hummed. I wondered if the shock of hearing him say that again would wear off. "Love you too."

Nothing short of an atomic bomb could keep my eyes off him as he jogged back across the quad, watching as he weaved through the throngs of people. It wasn't until Angela poked me that I realized I was still staring, even though he was no longer in my line of sight.

"Wow, Bella, he is the last person I ever expected to meet face-to-face. When did this happen? How did this happen? Why have you been holding out on me?" Angela slapped at me playfully.

I frowned slightly. "Do you promise not to get all pissy and judgmental on me?"

"Of course. Why would I?"

I shifted back and forth on my feet uncomfortably. "Alice and I are no longer speaking."

"WHAT? Okay, spill, girl. If it's scandalous enough to make Chatty McChatterson clam up, then I want to hear it; all of it."

Sighing, I looped my arm though Angela's and led her towards a coffee shop. "Hope you're not too busy because this could take a while."

Two coffees later, Angela was teary-eyed and smiling. "That's just about the saddest, most amazing story I've ever heard. While I can understand Alice's fears, I think she's going about it all wrong. Want me to talk to her?"

"No, you don't need to get involved in this mess. I'm just glad you're not freaking out at me."

Angela pushed aside the coffee cups and took my hands in hers. "Sweetie, I am a firm believer in true love, soul mates, and happily-ever-afters. I have also known you long enough to see that you are in so deep with him that it won't matter what anyone says. I've never seen you smile so wide that it actually reaches your eyes, which are shining, by the way. It also helps that he's smitten with you too; you can totally see it.

"I love you, Bella, I just want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy, then so be it."

"Thank you, Ang," I said, smiling through my tears. "It means a lot to me that you're okay with this, that you understand, and that you'll give us a chance."

"If you're happy, I'm happy—unless he screws up, in which case I reserve the right to kick his ass, and so does Ben. Got it?"

"Yes." I leaned across the table and hugged her. "You'll have to get in line, though."

"So, how does Rose feel about this? She's usually as overprotective as Alice is."

I laughed as I fiddled with a napkin. "She's cool with it; in fact, she's dating Edward's older brother Emmett."

"There are TWO Cullen Gods? Oh, be still my heart. Is he as hot as Edward?"

Again, I laughed. "Emmett is in a category all his own. He's big, brawny, brash, and one of the sweetest men on this planet. He's the one who spent every single day with me, both when I was in the hospital and in rehab."

Angela smiled warmly at me. "Aw, I can't wait to meet him. Can I meet him?"

"We'll have to have a party soon."

"Yeah, for sure. Hey, your birthday is coming up, isn't it?"

Pretending not to hear her, I looked at my watch. "Oh shit, I have to go to work."

"Wait, I thought you were leaving the store."

"No, well, yes, I'm training the new guy and then I'm done." I grabbed my bag, gave Angela a hug and said goodbye.

"Wait? You're really going to leave the store? No more discounts? I'm bummed."

"Alice and Jasper will still be working there for a while; you won't miss out on the cheap Japanese condoms just yet."

Angela blushed when several heads turned to stare at them.

"Thanks, B. I'll call you later."

Alfie was chatting up Adam when I entered the store.

"Sunshine!"

"Alfie! How's my guy today?" I said, hugging him.

"I'm terrible. I was just getting to know the new guy and he informs me that you're leaving me?"

I glared at Adam, who shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't know I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

"I'm sorry, Alfie, but it's true. I'm not as young as I used to be and doing school and the store is getting to be too much. So yeah, as soon as Adam is trained, I'll be leaving."

Alfie truly looked sad. "Aw, Sunshine, I'm going to miss you."

"Ali and Jasper will still be here, and I'm sure you'll see me around. We can do coffee or something."

"It's not the same. I mean this new fella is pretty, I'll give him that, but he's no Sunshine. You are one-of-a-kind, my dear. God broke the mold when he made you."

I blushed and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "Shucks, you're making me blush. You know everyone will still take good care of you, right?"

"Yeah, but just the same…"

Adam stepped in to my defense. "Alfie, if I promise to be extra nice and set aside the best movies for you, will you lay off the boss lady? It was hard for her to make the decision to leave; you're not making it any easier on her."

"Fine," the elderly man grumbled, "but I'm not happy."

I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, cheer up, Sunshine, I'm old but I'm tough."

"Thanks. You know you're my favourite, right?" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder and giving him a squeeze.

"Yeah, well, I'll let you two get on with it. Don't be a stranger, Sunshine."

"I won't." I mimed crossing my heart.

I hugged him again and hoped this wouldn't be our last encounter. He may be old and have a disconcerting penchant for much younger men, but he'd been like an old gay grandfather to me and I was truly going to miss him.

Adam was pretty much ready to work solo, so I decided to let him try. I left my number for him in case he ran into any trouble. I gathered my purse and was heading to the door when he stopped me.

"How're things with Forrest Gump?"

I huffed, annoyed. "His name is Edward, and everything is great."

"Oh, well, just so you know, everything goes better with A-D-A-M."

I rolled my eyes as I walked out. "Call me if you run into trouble or come up with an intelligent line of conversation. I'm outta here."

Stepping outside, I released a tense gust of air from my lungs and gave myself a pep talk. Patience, Bella, patience. Only a couple more shifts and you won't have to deal with the store or Adam again, and only one more day until your date with Edward.

I couldn't help squealing like a giddy fangirl at the thought of being with Edward, on a date, alone. God, I am pathetic.

Pathetic but happy, and happiness is what counts, right?

* * *

**_That was a little fluffier, eh? _**

**_So...fanfic rec time...right now I'm really digging "The Lost Boys" by hwimsey. Seems I really like a musically inclined Edward. ;)_**

**_Still loving the following:_**

_Rose Petals and Pavement by Minnakoda_

**_Dragon Stones by Katmom  
Maybe by 107yroldvirgin  
Clipped Wings and Inked Armor by hunterhunting  
Black Swan by RavenJadeWolf  
Broken Doll by RowanMoon  
Edward Wallbanger by feathersmmmm  
Dearly Departed by lambcullen (which just finished)  
Company Loves Misery by AngstGoddess003  
Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon _**

**_Happy New Year Everyone! May 2010 bring many more wonderful stories for us to read and share._**

**_As our beloved Edward said: Be Safe!_**


	13. Chapter 13

**_An update? Wow!_**

**_I didn't want to keep you guys waiting too long for the date...I know some of you were getting antsy (and I love that you are so invested in this story)._**

**_Love to my girls, Katmom and Minnakoda, my saviors for so many reasons. I *heart* you both._**

_

* * *

_

_**Bella**_

Saturday dawned with a muted early fall sunrise and I was feeling supercharged. I was counting the hours until I'd see Edward. Ten. There were ten hours to go. He was picking me up at five and I was beyond excited; too excited to even attempt to sleep any longer. I got up, showered, and went into the kitchen to make breakfast. It was most definitely a waffle kind of day, however, since Alice was no longer speaking to me I wondered if she'd even eat the waffles I was going to make.

_Oh feck it._

Grabbing the ingredients, I made a regular-size batch of batter, put on some ABBA at low volume, and quietly danced around the kitchen, not wanting to wake my roommates.

When everything was ready, I grabbed a sweater from underneath a sleeping Fred, a pair of woolly socks, and took my breakfast out to the deck to take advantage of the sunny morning. Curling up in my favourite deck chair, I ate my breakfast and watched the birds flitting about in the yard. Every now and then a squirrel would scamper by, or the groundhog that lived under the deck would slowly lumber by. It was one of those mornings that made you glad you woke up.

It was hard not to smile; things were going well, unless I counted the current Alice situation. That aside, I was almost done at the store, school was gearing up to be tough but rewarding, and more importantly, Edward was back. For some reason I was almost afraid to feel good about anything--if I had learned something over the years it was not to get too complacent because things could, and invariably would, go wrong just when you thought it couldn't.

I hated feeling that way, it totally took the fun out of life, but I had lived a jaded, sheltered life before the accident. I mean, even a teenage pregnancy hadn't destroyed me or caused me any major stress; I had full support from two families to get me through it. Most kids were lucky to have a best friend to help them, but I had four parents and a lot of money at my disposal, not that I wanted them to spoil us. Oh, how I longed for the carefree days I had enjoyed back then. I had to grow up very quickly once my world was torn asunder.

The patio door slid open behind me and I could smell hot apple cider. A steaming mug appeared before me, prompting another smile to overcome me.

Turning to face my benefactor, I was surprised to see Alice, having figured it was Jasper's way of thanking me for breakfast. "Thanks," I said, cupping my hands around the hot mug. "It's a little chilly out here this morning.

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No," she said quietly, sipping at her cider. "Fred was pawing at the door to get out. I hope you don't mind, but I grabbed a waffle."

I pulled out another chair. "No, they were for you and Jazzy. Come sit?"

Alice smiled weakly at me, and I wanted to jump for joy because it was the first one I'd seen from her in a week. "Thanks."

We sat in silence. I sipped at the aromatic brew while Alice ate her waffle. It was a rare moment for us to have this much silence between us, and I found it uncomfortable. I ran my finger around the rim of my mug hoping to think of something to say that wouldn't set off another fight, but there was only one thing I could think of to say.

"Alice, I'm sorry."

She looked up from her waffle and stared quizzically at me. "Hmm? Why?"

"You're upset with me and I totally deserve it. I'm inconsiderate, selfish, and a horrible friend. Can you forgive me?"

Alice laughed. "I was going to apologize to you, Bells. I had no right to push Adam on you anymore. As much as I'm not totally happy with Eduardo being back in the picture, you're a big girl and you need to make your own decisions." She shuffled uncomfortably in her seat before she continued. "The problem is that your decisions ultimately affect my life, and as much as it pains me to say this, and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm getting tired of riding your crazy train."

I gasped and jerked at her words, almost spilling the hot cider all over myself. "Ali, I'm so sorry. I got so caught up in everything that I've totally monopolized your life. I never realized until recently just how much you've internalized my pain."

Alice took a second before she spoke. Her face was serious; her tone was tentative, and she stared at a puddle of syrup on her plate. "I love you like the sister I never had, Bella, I always will, but sometimes you drain me. If it weren't for Jazzy, I'd have probably thrown myself off the nearest bridge years ago. I'm too empathetic and he somehow helps me balance it out.

"Rosie and I were talking the other night and she brought up a good point; I'm all about fixing what's broken, and you are by and far the most broken individual I have ever met. I think I depended on having to care for you too much. As much as I like fixing things and feeling like I'm needed, you aren't a project, you need to fix yourself. I think Edward and Emmett will be the keys to you finally healing. It's time for me to relinquish my leash on you."

It took me a few seconds to digest what she had just told me. I'm sure I was making some interesting faces as I tried to process it. I really didn't know if I should be mad that she'd considered me a project for all these years, of if I should have her nominated for sainthood for sticking by me. I had never really thought of myself in that light, and now that she put it out there, she was right. Wow. The things you don't see in front of your face.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" I asked. "I didn't realize just how much this was hurting you."

She shrugged. "I didn't want to upset you, and I didn't want you to be alone."

Something suddenly dawned on me and my stomach clenched uncomfortably. "Are you leaving me, Alice?" I drew in some tight breaths and began to panic slightly.

"No, no, Sweets. Not now. Someday, for sure, but not right away. I'm just going to let Edward be your rock for a while. I'm taking a Bella-drama break. Now, that's not to say that I won't be here for you if you need me, because I'll always be here. I'm just hoping that you and Edward can sort this mess out yourselves."

"Does that mean…?" Was I being premature in my hopes that she would give us her blessing?

"Yes," she said, exhaling loudly and grinning at me, "I'm going to ease off on Eduardo and give him a chance. I'm going to try to not push Adam on you any more. In the years I've known you, I've never seen you look so happy, and it looks good on you."

I wiped at the tears on my cheek with the worn sleeve of my sweater. "God, it seems that all I do lately is cry. Thank you, Ali, and I really AM sorry about all I've put you through over the years."

"You're worth it, Sweetie. Oh geez," she said, fanning her face, "you're going to make me cry."

"So, we're okay again?" I asked as I extended my hand to my best friend.

Alice smiled as she shook it. "Yup, we're okay again."

"Thank God. I've missed you. That's the longest I've ever gone without talking to you and I didn't like it one bit."

As if a light went off in Alice's head, she suddenly perked up. "What time is your date tonight?"

I scrunched my face up in confusion. "How…oh, Rosie," I laughed when I realized that Rose had more than likely gone and told Alice about my date. "He's picking me up at five."

"Well, that doesn't give us much time, does it?"

"For what?"

Alice jumped from her seat, nearly knocking her plate off the table. She squealed in a very Alice-like manner, bouncing up and down as she revealed her diabolical plan. "A makeover!"

_**Edward**_

I woke up early, too excited and nervous to sleep. I got up and went into my music room to relax, checking first to see if Emmett had come home, which he thankfully hadn't. Good, no need for my electric keyboard and headphones.

Taking my seat on the hard, well-worn wooden bench, I stretched my fingers and cracked my knuckles. This ritual served two purposes; one to prepare me to play, but also to help release any tension building up in me. For some people, tension settled heavily in their necks and shoulders, but for me, it went straight to my hands.

My long fingers ran the length of the ivory keys a few times before launching into a few classics. While I always had a love of the traditional, the classical, I had a penchant more so for the lesser-knowns of each period. The Classical class I had signed up for this semester would help reacquaint me with Beethoven, Brahms, Mozart, and perhaps infuse a greater appreciation of them into my soul.

Before I even realized what I was doing, I launched into a song I'd not played in a very long time, so long, I was surprised that my fingers still knew the correct path. The notes enveloped me, teased me, coaxing me to open up, which I did. The floodgates opened and I finally let go, allowing the music to take control.

Because I had feared losing control again, I had been resistant to just giving myself up to anything without over-thinking it. The last time I lost control, I nearly died, and I vowed that I would not allow that to happen again, but this time…this time it was different. It felt good, I felt liberated, elated, ecstatic.

Sweat poured down my back and dripped from my nose as the final notes dissipated. I rested my head on the keys and reflected on the near-religious experience I'd just had.

"Dude, what the hell was that?"

I jumped when I heard Emmett speak. "I…I…don't know."

"That was…wow, bro. Holy shit balls, I can't even describe what that was, what I felt, what I saw. It was like…shit…"

I was emotionally spent. I hadn't played that song since before Emma died. She loved to dance with Bella to _Clair de Lune_ while I played it for them. Bella would leave her clumsiness at the door and would hold Emma and they would waltz around the room like two princesses at a ball. Sometimes they'd dress up in big fancy dresses and wear tiaras to add to the illusion. Their movements were poetry, the perfect lyrics to a song without words.

If Bella wasn't around, Emma would find me and beg me to play. "Lune, Dada, lune," she'd say, smiling and batting her eyes at me. I'd let her lead me to the piano and help her up onto the bench. I'd take my seat beside her and we would both stretch our fingers, Emma emulating my every move. If I took too long, she'd take my hands and place them on the keys. "Play, Dada, lune, Dada!"

At the sound of the first notes, she would close her eyes, lean on me, and smile. Some days she'd fall asleep with her head in my lap as I played, but most days she'd eventually get off the bench and twirl around the room, trying to dance the way she would with her mother.

When I'd finish, she would clap her tiny hands and urge me to take a bow, which I would do. Then she'd say, "Again, dada! Lune again!" and I'd oblige her because she was my baby girl and I could never say no to her.

I was so caught up in my memories that I forgot that Emmett was in the room, and I jumped when he spoke again, albeit he did it very quietly by Emmett standards. "I could almost see her dancing."

The ghost of my daughter had danced circles around me as I played and with the last fleeting notes, her essence had floated away. Words would not do justice to what had just happened, nor would I cheapen the moment by speaking.

Perhaps Emmett had picked up on it, because he whispered a quick thank you and walked away. I heard my brother's door shut, and I could swear that I could hear him crying.

My fingers silently ghosted over the keys one more time before I stood to leave.

"Thank you, Emma. Daddy misses you, sweet pea."

_**Bella**_

By three in the afternoon, I had been preened, pruned, plucked, and prepared beyond recognition. "Wow," I said, staring at my reflection in the mirror, "I look incredible."

Alice and Rosalie had dressed me in dark skinny jeans, a grey sweater dress, and a royal blue camisole. I had fought with Alice over the shoes; she wanted me to wear stilettos, I wanted to wear my Chucks, but we finally settled on a pair of ballet flats. Rose had kept my hair down, loosely curled, and away from my face, which was lightly spackled with make-up. I hated wearing make-up, but it was part of the deal I had agreed to over the footwear impasse.

"Yes, Bella, you look stunning. I think this is some of our best work, right, Rosie?"

Rosalie stood back and admired me, smiling and whistling. "You are breathtaking, Kitten."

I smiled. "Thanks girls, but I still have two hours before he's due to arrive. What do I do now?"

"You grab your sweater and purse and walk out to the backyard," Alice said as Rosalie handed me my stuff, big shit-eating grins on both their faces.

"Why? What's going on?"

"Just go," Rose whispered as she patted my butt.

I took my belongings and made my way out to the patio and smiled at the sight that greeted me. "He's early?"

"Yeah, he was driving Emmett crazy, so I told him we'd get you ready early. Now, go out there and make him fall off that swing with your beauty."

Gathering my best friends in my arms, I hugged them tightly. "Thank you so much, guys. Really. It means a lot that you're willing to try to like him."

"Don't make us regret it," Alice said, smiling. "Now get out there. Oh, and don't hesitate to call if you need us."

"I won't, Mom," I said, cheekily.

"Your wallet, keys, phone, Ativan, and condoms are in your purse. You're all set."

"Condoms? Why would I need condoms, Rosie?"

"It can't hurt to be safe. We already know that you are fertile Myrtle and his swimmers are of Michael Phelps caliber…there's no harm in being safe, right?"

I laughed. "You guys are too much. I love you both. I'll see you later."

_**Edward**_

I twisted around on my swing when I heard the patio door squeak open and I was not prepared for the vision of beauty walking nervously toward me. Bella looked so amazing, and I was so caught up in ogling her that I didn't notice that I was sliding off my perch on the wooden plank and was a mere inch away from falling flat on my ass. I didn't notice, that is, until I heard Alice and Rosalie giggling in the house.

"Hi, Edward. Are you okay?"

So Bella hadn't missed the fact that I was staring at her, mouth wide open, and falling off my seat. Words failed me. I nodded my head and held a shaky hand out to her. She took it and allowed me to pull her over to me. Standing between my legs, she placed her hands on my shoulders as I moved mine to rest on her bony hips.

"Beautiful," I whispered.

"What?"

"You," I said, looking up at her, "you are stunning. I just want to sit and stare at you all night."

A familiar tightness occurred in my pants when I saw her natural blush crawl quickly up her face, overpowering the artificial colour painted on her cheeks.

She looked down at me, ran her fingers through my hair and tugged on it gently. "I wouldn't mind, you know. Then I'd get to stare at you too."

I stood slowly, running my hands up her arms until they met her neck. One hand moved instinctively behind and tangled in her hair, the other moved to her face, my thumb tracing her full and incredibly kissable bottom lip. I lowered my head and gently kissed her, hoping she was okay with that. The happy sigh that escaped her lips carried more than just a taste of spearmint, it passed her approval, and I inhaled it. My lips were more insistent on their second pass, but not so much that I couldn't put a stop to it if she indicated that she wanted me to.

As her hands tangled in my hair, I knew she wouldn't stop it, that she was just as invested in this reunion as I was, and by the sounds she was making, her arousal was just as present as my own.

We were, incredibly, still very much in sync with one another, as was evidenced by the kiss and the fact that we simultaneously pulled out of it to get air.

"Hi," I whispered against her lips, "I couldn't wait to see you. I hope you don't mind."

I felt her smile against me. "Me too."

Resting my forehead against hers, I spent a quiet moment just breathing her in, recommitting her scent to memory so I would never have to live without it again.

Alice and Rosalie started cheering and making cat calls from the house, thus breaking the intensely intimate moment Bella and I had been sharing.

"Want to get out of here?" I asked, lacing my fingers through hers.

"Yes, please, I'm not much into audience participation," she said, jerking her head toward the peanut gallery with an embarrassed smirk.

I laughed as I led her toward my car.

"Still driving a Volvo, I see," she said as I held the door open for her.

I scoffed at her remark. "Of course. Why wouldn't I? It's a superior car with a high safety standard, not to mention she purrs like a kitten."

"You could have had any car you wanted and you went with the pretentious yuppie car. I never understood it. What teenage boy WANTS a Volvo…they're such a Grandma car," she teased.

"I wanted a safe and practical car for my girls and I got attached to it. I loved my Volvo, it was reliable and fast."

Bella shook her head, laughing, as I walked around to the driver's side to get in. "So, what's on the agenda for our _date_?"

"Well, I thought we could fly to Vegas, gamble, drink until we're stupid poor, and get married by a male Dolly Parton impersonator."

"Oh, really? Hmm, if that's a first date, I'd hate to know what you would do for a second."

"Oh, that would involve artificial insemination by a Wayne Newton impersonator in Atlantic City," I said, trying really hard to maintain the seriousness of my voice, "and if he's not available, then we'll settle for Alan Thicke. I hear he's doing a Price Is Right knock-off at a casino there."

Bella laughed. "What's up with this new thing with casinos and impersonators? Are you a closet gambler?"

I smirked at her. "Nah, I just love the bling and the sound of coins falling into a bucket. I have a strange fascination with men who dress up as female celebrities, not to mention all the showgirls." I waggled my eyebrows at her when I mentioned the showgirls.

"Seriously, though, what do you want to do?"

"I thought you might want to go for a walk in the park or maybe catch an early movie before we go back to my place where I'll shock and amaze you with my culinary prowess."

"A Cullen boy who can cook? This I gotta see." She laughed for a moment, but then turned serious. "Really, though, it doesn't matter what we do today, I'm just happy to be with you." Her face cracked into a sweet, and very sincere, smile.

I reached over and squeezed her hand. "Why don't we go for a walk and talk?"

She squeezed my hand in return, smiling. "That sounds great."

_**Bella**_

We drove in comfortable silence until we reached the park. Edward, the consummate gentleman, insisted on opening the door, a kind gesture not lost on me. Esme had taught her sons well; Emmett may be brash, but he always held the door open for a woman. Same applied to Edward, and his quiet, contemplative demeanor merely enhanced his politeness.

I smiled warmly at him. "Thank you, kind sir."

He bowed deeply at the waist as he helped me from the car. "It's my honour, madame," he said, smirking.

We strolled along the pressed gravel paths and talked about very generic things, such as school, the weather, my job, etc. The conversation was kept light and we spent a lot of time laughing. It was easy to fall back into place, as if nothing had ever happened.

Edward began telling me about an embarrassing moment he'd had. "So, I was playing a recital a couple of years ago for a very prestigious and uppity crowd. Unbeknownst to me, Emmett, in one of his prank monkey moments, had slipped an Ex-Lax into my pre-show hot chocolate, so mid-concert it hit me, and well, rather than publicly crap my tuxedo pants on stage, I excused myself and ran to the nearest bathroom."

I was doubled over laughing. "What did you tell them?"

He shook his head before speaking again. "I returned to the stage and apologized for my rude departure, picked up where I left off and continued playing until the next wave hit me. Again, I got up mid-song and left the stage. I heard Emmett's unmistakable laughter, so after I returned the second time, I finally apologized and had to put an end to the show. I called Emmett up to the stage, explained to the audience that I wasn't feeling well, and that my brother would finish the performance for me. I ran off stage before the next wave hit and before Em could punch me."

"Oh. My. God." Tears ran down my red face, probably leaving mascara tracks down my cheeks. "How did he handle it?"

Edward smiled widely. "The only way Emmett could think of; taking a page from _The Simpsons_, he pulled down his pants and shuffled across the stage singing _The Old Grey Mare _in his polka-dot boxer shorts. I have seen video of it; it's classic. As a matter of fact, it might actually be on youtube. We'll have to look later."

"Oh God, Edward, I've missed you guys so much. That's classic. How much trouble did you get in for it?"

"Well, the Dean of Music was incensed; he threatened to throw me out of the program. Emmett confessed to his prank and promised to spit-shine all of the brass instruments and buffer the piano."

"Too funny."

"It was. The audience actually got a big kick out of it; they said that it was a much-needed breath of fresh air for an otherwise dull evening."

"How awful! They called you boring," I said, appalled.

"Oh, but I was. It was a terribly stuffy musical selection. I was ready to fall asleep before I was overcome with the need to poop."

I couldn't stop laughing, and I hoped I wasn't being insensitive. "That is some seriously funny shit, Edward."

"Well, the shit part wasn't so great; I thought my insides had liquefied. It's the Emmett bit onstage that's priceless."

I pulled our interlocked hands up to my lips and kissed his knuckles. "I wish I had been there," I said, wistfully.

His eyes bored into mine when he whispered to me. "Me too."

"I'll be there for all your future shows, I promise."

"I'd like that," he said, pulling me to him and kissing my forehead. "Want to head back to the car? You're shivering."

"Am I? I don't feel cold."

"Another after effect of the accident?" he asked, sadly.

I sighed as we turned around. "Yeah, sometimes I have a hard time with temperature. It'll be hot out and I'll be sweating my balls off, and not even notice. Same with cold, or I'll have extreme opposite reactions; I'll feel cold when it's hot and vice versa. It's better than it was, not to mention it's a lot less dangerous than when I couldn't feel pain. That sucked."

Edward's face scrunched up as he pondered what I had just imparted on him. "You couldn't feel pain? Now that's messed up, but kind of a blessing for the clumsiest girl I know."

I turned to face him and shook my head. "You'd think, but I was really hurting myself and unable to feel it. I was still very unsteady on my feet and banging into things and falling down a lot. I broke my wrist one day and had no idea until your father noticed it. I guess it looked pretty gnarly."

"That's crazy. Um, speaking of my parents…"

I cut him off. "Yeah, about that. I think I'm ready to talk to them if they'll still be open to it. I really hurt them when I left, didn't I?"

Edward rubbed slow circles on the top of my hand and nodded. "Yeah, you did, but you're preaching to the choir, Love. I think we both inflicted pain on them. Do you want to call them?"

I couldn't help but smile. "Why don't we wait until we get to your place? I'm going to end up crying and I don't want to do it in public."

He kissed the top of my head before we continued toward the car. "That sounds like a plan. You can do it while I'm making dinner. She'll be thrilled to hear your voice."

"So they don't know you found me?" I asked, surprised.

"Nope. You asked us not to tell them, so we didn't."

I smiled at him. "Thanks."

We got into his car and drove quickly to the house Edward and Emmett shared. "Nice house. I can tell Esme had a lot to do with it. It's gorgeous."

"She'll be happy to hear you say that. Here," he said, handing me his phone, "speed dial #1. I'll be in the kitchen if you…"

"I'm coming with you," I said, cutting him off again. "I don't want to be alone until I know how she's going to react." I knew that I had hurt Esme most of all. I was so wrapped up in my own agony that for the longest time I didn't stop to think of what I was doing to her.

He smiled warmly at me before pulling me into a hug. "Okay, I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

**_So that's part one of the date. _**

**_Are any of you lowering the weapons you had aimed at Alice yet? She's trying! You have to give her some credit. She never wanted to be the enemy, she's just going through a lot right now. Please show her some mercy._**

**_More date in the next update, including Bella's first contact with Carlisle and Esme in four years._**

**_Stay tuned..._**

**_If I could rec some of the fics I've been reading since the last update (I don't think I've mentioned these ones):_**

**_Darkest Before the Dawn by CatMasters  
The Lost Boys by hwimsey  
Rising by AngstGoddess003  
Eye Contact by silver sniper of night  
_**

**_Until next time...keep your eyes peeled for 107yroldvirgin's new story, Eight Days a Week, which will be launched later in the week. I'm sure it's going to be killer._**

**_Oh, and don't forget about my thread over on Twilighted. I know it's for Road Maps, but I'm open to discussing anything. You can find it here:_**

**_http : //twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=7737_**

**_RowanMoon just posted some really GORGEOUS photos of RPattz over there. :)_**


	14. Chapter 14

**_A lot of you wonderful readers and friends were excited for Bella's first contact with Carlisle and Esme. Well, here it is. No more waiting. I hope it's up to your expectations._**

**_Big thanks to my girls, Katmom and Minnakoda. You are extra bit of spice that makes existence extra nice and that last thread of sanity I am usually grasping at by the time I send the chapters to you to peruse. I really don't know what I'd do without you._**

**_When we last left them, Bella and Edward were on their "first date" and Bella was about to call the Cullens.

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

"Edward, sweetie, what a surprise! I hope everything is okay. Your brother isn't torturing you again, is he?"

The sound of Esme's sweet voice brought up so many memories that it was hard to choke down the incredible amount of emotion welling up inside of me. "Hi, Esme, it's not Edward," I said quietly, my voice wavering.

"Who…oh my word…BELLA? Is that really you?" Esme let out a huge gasp, then I could hear her sobbing.

My heart was clenching; she was excited to hear me, she didn't hate me. "Hi, Esme, yeah, it's me."

I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat and the tears spilled over as I listened to the only mother figure I had left in the world weeping on the other end of the line. I heard Carlisle in the background asking what was wrong.

"Edward? What happened? Why is your mother crying and saying Bella's name?"

"It's not Edward, Carlisle, it's me, Bella."

"Oh, sweet Lord, is it really you? Isabella? Our Bella?" I could hear the overwhelming emotion spilling forward from a man who so rarely showed anything but calm and decorum.

Try as I might, I couldn't hold back the sobs as I spoke to him. "I'm so s…sorry, Carlisle, I didn't mean to hurt you and E...Esme."

"Sweetheart, are you okay? How did you get Edward's phone? Is he there with you?"

"Yes," I choked out, "he and Emmett came into th…the shop where I work a couple of weeks ago." I heard a click, then an echo, and I knew I was now on speakerphone.

"They've known for two weeks and didn't tell us? Put the speaker on, Bella dear," Esme said, her tone changing. I was bracing myself to hear Edward get the tongue-lashing of the century. I clicked the button for speakerphone and held the phone between us. "Edward, dear?"

"Hi, Mom, Dad. What's up?" he said, chuckling.

Esme's voice went up a couple of octaves. "What's up? You find our missing girl and don't tell us? How could…?"

"I asked them not to, Esme." I needed her to know that it wasn't their fault, that it was my orders. "If you need to be angry with someone, it should be me. I needed to sort out some things. I really am sorry."

I heard a big sigh coming from the other end. "All that matters is that you're okay. You are, aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm okay."

"And my son still has all his limbs and genitalia intact?" Carlisle asked, laughing.

"Yes, so far," I said, rolling my eyes at Edward.

A fresh wave of crying began on the parental end. Esme spoke in a choked voice. "I've missed you so much, Bella. I can't even believe…oh my dear sweet child, I'm so happy you're okay. What are you doing with yourself?"

Edward cut in before I could answer. "Get this, Mom, she's a manager at an adult video store."

I could hear Carlisle laughing in the background, but no sound was coming from Esme, until finally she squeaked. "A porn store?" She sighed heavily. "First things first, what were my boys doing in a porn store? And Bella, I don't know what to say."

It was hard not to laugh. Hell, it took everything out of me not to. I kept swatting at Edward, who was seriously struggling to maintain his composure. "It was a job when I needed one, Esme. It turned out okay. I'm done soon anyway; school has started and I'm going to be too busy with Grad School to be selling dildos for a living."

"Are you broke, darling? Do you need money?" Esme asked, concerned.

"No, no, I've got loads of money, I mean, I have the settlement money and Mom and Dad's insurance money. The only time I've touched any of it was when I bought my house. I've been on scholarship the whole time I've been in school."

Carlisle spoke next. "Did you say Graduate School? You've finished your undergrad already?"

"Yup. I did it in three and a half years. And might I add, I graduated with honours." The pride in my voice was unmistakable.

"That's our girl. I knew the doctors were wrong," Carlisle said, proudly. "I knew that you were stronger than they gave you credit for. When they said you wouldn't speak, I knew you would; when they said you'd be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, I knew that you would be running one day, and when they said that you would be intellectually impaired, I just knew that you'd be crossing the stage to get your university degree. You are a tough cookie, Bella."

"It wasn't easy," I replied. This conversation was going down a road I didn't want to travel at that moment, so I had to derail it before it went too far. "So, how are you guys?" I asked.

"We're doing better now that we know where you are," Esme said, relief flooding over the phone lines and straight to my heart.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you," I said as I began to cry again.

Esme to the rescue, as usual. "Shh, dear, it's in the past. We're just happy to have you back."

Edward cleared his throat. "I'm going to leave you guys to talk. I need to get started on dinner. I love you, guys."

"We love you too, son," Carlisle said.

Edward kissed me quickly before heading back to the kitchen.

"I'm taking you off speaker now," I said. "Edward's gone to the other room."

"Did I just hear a kiss?" Esme shrieked. "Are you two back together?"

"Whoa, Nelly, I can see your hearing is still as sharp as a tack. Yes, that was a kiss."

I held the phone away from my ear to avoid permanent hearing damage as Esme screamed. "My babies are back together! My babies are back together! My babies…"

"I said whoa! Slow down, Esme. Edward and I are on a first date of sorts. We're going to explore the possibility of getting back together. We both still love each other a lot, and as hurt as I still am, I can't seem to heal. I think that fixing things with him and dealing with this together will hopefully help us move on."

Esme sighed sadly. "So you're really not okay, are you?"

I sighed heavily. "No, I'm not. I'm still a mess about everything. I can't seem to let her go, Esme, let _them_ go. I miss them so much. There was a huge hole ripped in my heart when they died and then when…well, I've been wandering around feeling hollow and broken. Edward and Emmett are filling that void. I've been homesick for the past few years and didn't realize it.

"I've got a great life now, with three of the best friends a girl could ever dream of having, but there was something missing, and it wasn't just Mom, Dad, and Emma. It was you, Carlisle, Emmett, and Edward. I feel more whole now than I have in years."

"We're here to help you, sweetheart. We always have been."

"Thanks, Esme. I thought a clean break would clear up the pain, but it didn't; it just made me numb again."

"Speaking of numb, how've you been doing physically?"

I laughed. I had totally forgotten that Carlisle was even there. "Do you ever take off your stethoscope, Carlisle? That's a conversation best saved for another day."

Esme squealed. "Thanksgiving! You must come home for Thanksgiving!"

"Really? That would be wonderful. I can't wait to see you. God, I've missed you both so much."

"We've missed you too. We'll let you get back to your date, and please, call us anytime. We love you, Bella. We never stopped."

"Thanks, Carlisle. I love you both so very much. Thanks for being so understanding about everything. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'll talk to you soon."

Edward's promise to shock and amaze me with his culinary prowess was fulfilled. The grilled salmon was cooked to perfection and I'd never had a more delectable risotto in my life. He even made crème brûlée for dessert; using a small blowtorch to caramelize the sugary top at the table before my eyes.

"I love cracking the top," I said, smiling as I gently tapped the glass-like confection.

Edward blushed a little as he sat back down in his seat. "I know. That's why I made it."

"Where did you learn to cook like this?" I asked before moaning over the incredibly delicious cream I had just spooned into my mouth.

His eyes remained trained on my lips and I couldn't help but feel smug. "Uh, well, the girls told me that if I was going to stay with them in Alaska, I had to learn how to cook more than cereal, salad, macaroni and cheese, and barbeque. I actually took some cooking classes from a local chef. It was a lot of fun and I learned that cooking was a great way to take my mind off things."

Movement on the table alerted me to his trembling hands. I gently took them in mine and held them, hoping to steady them. "Are you nervous?"

"No, Love, not really. It's just an annoying side effect of my Paxil."

I frowned and shook my head sadly. "That sucks."

"Yeah."

We sat and stared at each other in the warm glow of the candles he'd lit. It felt so right to be together, in spite of all that had happened. I felt like I was home, like everything was okay for the first time in a long time.

"I feel like I'm having a déjà vu," he said quietly.

I felt a rush of panic flow through me. "Oh no! Edward, you should lay down right away so you don't get hurt. Where are your pillows?" I said, frantically looking around.

He stood up and reached for me. "Whoa, what's wrong, Bella? Why do I need to lie down?"

My eyes were still searching for a soft spot for him to be when it happened. I couldn't bear it if he got hurt while I was watching. "If you're going to have a seizure, it's best to be lying down. Come quick," I reached for his hand. He wrapped his around mine and squeezed it reassuringly. "It'll be okay."

He was looking at me like I was crazy. I stopped for a moment and looked at him. He looked okay. What was going on?

"I'm not going to have a seizure, Bella. What would make you think that?"

Suddenly I felt like an ass. I knew I was blushing and I wanted nothing more than to disappear. "Sometimes I experience déjà vu before I have a seizure. I'm sorry I overreacted," I said quietly.

Edward palmed my blazing cheek and smiled. "I'm sorry you were scared. What I was trying to say is that this feels so right, so natural, that it feels like we've done this before."

"We have, only when you cooked it was usually potato salad, or macaroni and cheese."

"Hey," he said, pretending to be hurt, "I thought you loved my potato salad?"

"Did you hear me complaining? I was merely stating a fact."

He laughed and smiled, the candlelight dancing in his eyes, but just as quickly, he became serious. "I hate to ruin a perfect moment, but I need to know something," he said, his voice dropping in volume.

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach and begin to drown in the salmon and crème brûlée digesting there. Looking at his face, I couldn't tell what was he was going to ask; his seriousness was scaring me.

"Uhm, okay." My voice shook more than I had hoped it would and I watched his mouth, that beautiful mouth, turn down into a frown. When I looked at his eyes they spoke in worried volumes.

"Bella, are you okay? You're shaking."

God, I was shaking, wasn't I? Come on, get a grip, Bella. "I'm fine. What is it you wanted to ask?"

He took my hand and intertwined our fingers. The energy passing between us served to calm me somewhat. I could feel my muscles beginning to relax and the shaking ebbed. "Are you sure you're okay? Would you like to go sit on the couch?"

I sighed in relief. "Yes, please. That would be great."

Edward's grip on my hand never faltered as we moved to his big comfy couch.

_**Edward**_

Bella had mostly stopped shaking by the time we reached the couch. The whole incident at the table had frightened me; I'd never seen anyone pale so quickly.

I sat beside her, put my arm around her shoulder and smiled when I felt her snuggle in closer. We still fit together like puzzle pieces.

"What were you going to ask me?" she finally asked, her voice a little stronger. "It sounded serious."

"I was actually going to ask you, uh, well…would you go out with me again sometime?" I kept my gaze down to our hands, which had found each other and were entwined again.

Bella's laugh filled the room and warmed my soul. I would never tire of it; it was like the most beautiful music. "I thought you were going to ask me something serious. Of course I'll go out with you again. Silly Edward." She squeezed my hand as she smiled up at me.

"There's something else. This is really none of my business, but…oh hell…feel free to say no if you don't want to answer it, but…"

I felt her tense up beside me. "Spit it out, Edward, you're scaring me."

I know we'd sort of discussed this before, but I wanted to be sure, I needed to know. I know she'd said that she hadn't _been_ with anyone else, but had she dated anyone? "DidyoudateanyoneafterIleft?" I blurted out, unsure if she had managed to make out what I was trying to say.

She turned to me and stared. "What? I didn't understand a word you said. Can you please repeat that?"

I rubbed her shoulder and ran a finger along her jaw to calm her down. "I was just curious if you…if you've dated anyone since I left."

"No."

"No? As in you don't want to answer or no as in _no I didn't date anyone_?"

Bella exhaled before she turned around so we were face-to-face. I couldn't quite place the look on her face. The shadows made by the candles danced across her features and it was almost impossible to read her.

"No, I haven't dated anyone else."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Did you, Edward?" She moved a little closer, and I could breathe her in and it was doing strange things to me.

"No."

She smiled. "No as in you don't want to answer or no as in _no I didn't date anyone_?"

"No, I haven't dated anyone else." It came out as a squeaky whisper.

"Why?" she asked, pulling herself over so she was straddling my hips.

Oh God, she's trying to kill me. "Why? Because I couldn't."

"Why not?" She reached over and put her hands in my hair.

"It wasn't you."

She smiled as she leaned in to kiss my nose. I wanted desperately to grab her and kiss her properly but now was not the time.

"Why didn't you date, Bella?"

"Because it wasn't you," she said, sadly.

I couldn't help myself. I wrapped my arms around her and held her. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"So am I," she replied. "We wasted five years of our lives apart, and we know better than anyone that life is unpredictable."

She tilted my head up so I was looking at her. "I don't want to waste any more time, Edward. I don't want to lose you again."

My resolve took that very moment to snap, and I kissed her. It wasn't on the nose, or the forehead, or the chin, I pulled her face to mine and I kissed the shit out of her. I know. How very Emmett of me, but just the same, I was done with patient pecks and cozy canoodling. I needed Bella to know, to feel, that I could never leave her again.

There was no languid lapping as I forced my tongue in her mouth and plundered her. She hesitated at first, but quickly gave in and I knew she was feeling it when she moaned loudly into my mouth. My hips bucked up reflexively, seeking friction, and that was the end of that. When I heard her grunt, I pulled away from her.

"Bella, I'm not sorry for the kiss, but I have to apologize for humping you."

She blushed, batted her eyelashes, and grinned lazily, her red, swollen lips parting slightly. It took everything out of me not to grind into her again. Five years is a long time to go without sex, and having my better half straddling me was making it difficult for me to maintain any kind of control.

"Why did you stop?" she breathed into my ear as she grazed her teeth across my earlobe. "Don't you want me?"

"I want you more than I want to breathe, Bella, and I can't even believe I'm saying this, but we have to stop. I'm sorry."

_**Bella**_

"I'm sorry."

He's SORRY? HE'S SORRY? What the hell? My ego took a huge hit.

"I'm offering myself to you and you're saying no, Edward?"

He sighed and rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm sure that you can feel that my body is definitely saying yes."

I wiggled around on the very big yes in his pants and he groaned.

"Bella, please, you're killing me. I want you. I've dreamed of this day for a long time and I never thought it would be a reality, but in my heart I can't justify this. I'm scared."

Scared? "You're scared? Of what?"

I felt my eyes well up when he looked at me. "I'm scared that you only want this because you think I'm going to leave if you don't."

Huh. That was a surprise. I sat back a bit, lifting myself off his, uh, big yes, and pondered what he had said. Was I doing this for the right reasons? Was I grinding him to scratch a five and a half year itch? Was I scared he'd leave me if I didn't? Why did I want this?

"You have impeccably bad timing for developing a conscience, Cullen," I teased as I stood up. "Thanks, though, you're right, I don't want to do this."

His face fell, and I immediately regretted not qualifying that statement. I reached down and took his hands into mine. "I want you so bad my girlie bits are aching. God, Edward, you have no idea."

He shifted uncomfortably. "I beg to differ, Love."

My body relaxed when he tried to make light of the situation, and I knelt on the floor in front of him, taking his face in my hands. "I want to make love to you, Edward, and I want it to be for the right reasons, not to mention that when we do it, it's going to add another complication to our already strange situation."

Edward leaned forward and kissed me gently. "Well put, Love. Can we at least cuddle?"

I looked at him and smiled. "Always."

_**Emmett**_

Rosie and I had gone out for dinner and to a car show. If there had ever been a woman made exactly to my specifications, Rosalie Hale was it and tonight just proved it. I mean, she's supermodel hot, she's smart as hell, tough as nails, and she knows her cars.

"Well shit, Big Guy, one of us had to wear the pants and it sure as hell wasn't my twin brother," she'd said when I asked about how she knew so much about cars. "Jasper was off recreating historical world battles with little plastic army men and getting his ass kicked by the neighbourhood kids because of it. Someone had to save him."

Yup, that's my Rosie.

After the car show we decided to head back to my place for a while to watch a movie, maybe fool around a bit. Yeah, I said fool around; we had yet to seal the deal and as antsy as I was to do it, I didn't think she was ready.

We walked into the house to find the lights were out and candles were lit. Oh shit! Edward and Bella's date was tonight.

Rose turned to me and smiled. "Why you old romantic. Did you get Edward to set this up?" Then it dawned on her. I walked ahead to see where they were while she freaked out behind me. "OH SHIT! Edward and Bella's date. Here. Tonight. Shit. Shit. Shit. I hope we're not…"

I looked back over my shoulder at her and held my finger up to my lips. I beckoned her to see what I had found. Her features softened as she smiled. I had to admit it was pretty damn cute—Edward and Bella were asleep on the couch; she was lying on top of him, her hands buried in his hair, while his arms were wrapped tightly around her waist. I grabbed the nearest blanket and covered them so they wouldn't be cold later on.

This wasn't necessarily something new to me, they used to fall asleep like that all the time and then after Emma was born she'd quite often end up in the pile with them.

Again, I was finding myself getting all choked up like a chump. Rosie must have figured something was up because she took my hand in hers and led me to my room, and to the bed, where she sat up by the headboard and motioned for me to join her. I crawled up and lay with my head in her lap.

Her manicured nails scratched gently across my scalp and I sighed. "What's wrong, Big Guy?"

"I couldn't even begin to explain because I don't have a fucking clue, Rosie. I'm not normally such a mess…"

"Shh, baby, it's okay. I understand, or at least I think I do. Bella's been one of my best friends for the past four years so I think I have an idea."

I rolled over onto my back so I could look up at her beautiful face while we spoke. "I'm so happy to have her back, Rosie, I honestly thought I'd never see her again, but now…now that the initial happy is over, I'm actually feeling pissed off at her for leaving the way she did. You haven't met my mom yet, so you probably wouldn't understand, but I thought Mom was going to die of heartfail. In the span of a year she'd lost so much and she's so pathetic that she'd absorbed everyone's pain as her own."

Rose cut me off. "Empathetic?"

"Uh, yeah, that. Thanks. So, Mom is carrying the burden of everything that's happened, dealing with Edward leaving, helping Bella get back on her feet. Mom didn't really have time to grieve because she was looking after everyone else and feeling a lot of guilt over Edward's disappearing act.

"The day Bella left was almost as traumatic as they day of the accident. Mom went to Bella's room to bring in some bedding and she was gone; everything was gone. The pictures, her clothes, stereo, computer, it was all gone. Mom looked outside and the truck was gone too.

"Mom started screaming. I think it was enough to finally break her and she just started wailing. Dad was at work and I was the only one home. I raced upstairs and found her standing in the middle of the room pulling at her hair and making the most god-awful noise.

"She's gone! She's gone! Why? What did I do? My babies are all leaving me!"

Tears were now rolling and I couldn't even find it in me to be embarrassed anymore. I knew that Rosie would never mock me.

"It must have been terrible, baby."

"It was," I sniffled, "Mom had been our rock. She was always the voice of reason, and here she was falling apart. I picked her up and carried her to her bedroom where I rocked her until she calmed down enough for me to call Dad, who rushed home and broke down when he saw her. She was pretty much catatonic. I couldn't snap her out of it. I failed again." I looked down at my hands, unable to look at Rosie because I knew I was going to completely fall apart. It felt good, though, to get it out. I'd had no one to talk to about this for a very long time, and as weird as it was opening up to someone I really hardly knew, the constant tightness in my chest began to ease a bit.

"Shh, baby, it's okay. There was nothing you could do. She was bound to snap at some point; Bella was just the catalyst."

"She shouldn't have left like that." I said a little harder than I had planned to.

"No, but like Edward, hindsight is 20/20. She wanted to call your Mom, Em, but she was scared that she was angry with her; she couldn't face her."

"But still. On top of Mom falling apart, they called the little shit home and he…"

"He what?"

"He tried to kill himself and nearly succeeded. Please don't tell anyone I told you."

She smiled at me. "Of course not. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. So, how did it make you feel?"

"I felt like the last sane person in my family. It wasn't fair that everyone else got to leave or fall apart, but not me, no, Emmett has to hold down the fort; sit by my loved ones and watch them suffer." My fists were balling up in the cotton duvet on my bed as I fought back my frustration, heartbreak and anger over everything that had happened. "My Dad took extra shifts at the hospital to get away from it, but not me. I lost a year of university because of it."

Rosalie leaned down and kissed me and I relaxed a little bit.

"Emmett, why don't you let me shoulder the load for a while; your back must be getting tired."

My walls cracked and I cried—hard, until I fell asleep in my Rosie's arms.

I think I love her.

* * *

**_There you go. Hope you enjoyed it. Please hit the green button below and tell me what you thought of it. You know I love hearing from you guys._**

**_I'm going to try to update every Tuesday from now on._**

**_New FF recs for this week include:_**

**_Resolution by Openhome  
How to Save a Life by  
Finding Bella by ekimmuh_**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Sorry I'm late! I have a good excuse, I swear._**

**_You see, I've been trying to find something to submit for the _Haiti Relief Twi Fanfic Authors Compilation. _Hundreds of TwiFic authors are submitting fanfic, original fics, etc to be compiled in one big anthology. How will this help Haiti? For every person who submits proof of a donation ($5 minimum-sky's the limit) to a relief organization to MsKathy, she will send you an electronic copy of this wonderful anthology. Many of your favourite TwiFic authors are donating to this cause (a list that is constantly being updated can be found on MsKathy's blog), so why not help the people of Haiti and get a ton of awesome reading?_**

**_You can find out more information here: http: // mskathyff(DOT)blogspot(DOT)com/?zx=ad2495f0a43a1803_**

**_This is just another example of what an incredible bunch of people reside in the TwiFic community._**

**_Oh...and my submission might be an excerpt from an original fic (not TwiFic). Hope you won't be disappointed._**

**_This has been a huge A/N. Sorry. Before I let you get back to B&E, I want to thank the wonderful Katmom, and the elliptical Minnakoda................_**

**_I *heart* you guys._**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

I had the most amazing dream. I dreamt that Edward and I were back together and I could smell his irresistible musk wafting around me. I hadn't felt so comfortable or happy in God-knows how long. Moaning, I stretched and opened my eyes to the most amazing sight—Edward's peaceful, slumbering face.

It wasn't a dream. I really was sleeping on top of Edward. The smile on my face was bright enough to light a thousand rooms. Resting my head in the crook of his neck, I inhaled deeply. God, he smelled so good.

His nose crinkled and his brow furrowed before he inhaled deeply through his nose and stretched, almost knocking me off the couch. He caught me just as I was about to fall and nuzzled my neck. "Mmm…morning, Love. Did you sleep well?"

"Yup. Best sleep I've had in a long time. You?"

He lifted his head so I could see him. He kissed my nose and smiled. "It was sublime."

"Your back's not sore from sleeping on the couch?"

"We'll find out soon enough, won't we?" he said, grinning at me.

I groaned. "But I don't want to get up. I like it right here."

"Mmm…" he hummed as he stretched again, "I thought maybe I could make breakfast and we could lounge on my bed and talk."

Talk? I could think of a million other things and positions we could do in his bed, but the angel on my shoulder kept reminding me to ignore the devil stabbing my girlie bits with his pitchfork and concentrate on fixing my relationship with Edward. "Stupid angel," I muttered.

"What was that? Did you just call me a stupid angel?" he asked, laughing at me.

"No, sorry, brain fart." I blushed. "So, yeah, we can do breakfast in bed. Whatcha makin' me?" I leaned in and gave him Eskimo kisses.

"Actually," Emmett's big voice boomed from behind the couch, "It'll be Eddie and me making breakfast for our ladies, right little bro?"

I sat up and smiled at Emmett and Rosalie, who was leaning against the breakfast bar dressed in one of Em's big t-shirts. "Rosie!" I said, grinning. "What do you think?"

Rose nodded. "I think it's a great idea."

Edward pulled me down to him and whispered. "I'll tell you what I think—I think if you sit up on me like that again that you'll get more than you bargained for."

My eyes grew large when I realized what he was saying. "So, you're saying that your _big yes_ is in a precarious position?"

He nodded, grimacing when I accidentally shifted my weight.

"I'm so sorry, baby, I'll get off so you can, uh, you can get off or do what you need to with _that_." I grinned cheekily as I moved closer to his ear to whisper the next bit. "Although I wouldn't be averse to helping you deal with it."

"Bellaaaaa," he groaned, "you're going to be the death of me."

Fluttering my eyelashes dramatically, I feigned innocence. "Who? Me?"

"Please?" he begged, lifting his hips up to show me just how uncomfortable he was.

"Fine then," I leaned in and kissed him quickly before jumping up and off him. Sadly, my attempt at a graceful leap turned into a terrible tumble and I promptly fell onto the floor. Everyone ran over to see if I was okay, but I couldn't answer them because I was laughing so hard.

Rose rolled her eyes at me as she and Emmett pulled me to my feet. I stretched creakily and watched as poor Edward tried to extricate himself from the couch. He winced several times and I could hear his joints cracking as he moved. I held out a hand to help him up, which he accepted with a smile.

"Thanks."

"I had ulterior motives," I said with a grin, pulling him to me and kissing him. I couldn't seem to keep my hands off him now that I'd had a taste of what could be.

"Ahem," Emmett said loudly. "Breakfast?" When I turned back to the big guy, he pointed to his stomach. "Empty. Needs food."

"Okay, fine, Em." I let go of Edward and smacked his ass as he walked away. Mmm…he still has a great ass.

Emmett was eyeing me funnily. "What?"

His gaze went from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. "Nuh-uh," he mumbled as he shook his head. "This will not do."

My hands flew to my hips and planted themselves there firmly. "What?"

A big shit-eating grin set his dimples in motion. "I will not serve my famous breakfast of champions to someone wearing their walk of shame outfit."

Rose doubled over, laughing so hard she snorted. "Ha, Bells! Burn!" She high-fived Emmett. "Nice one, baby."

I pouted. I didn't want to go home now because I knew that although Alice and I had reconciled, she'd give me the third degree and I'd never make it back here alive. "Please, Emmy, don't send me back to the evil pixie. She'll hold me hostage."

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist. "It's okay; I'll find you some clothes. Come with me."

"Don't you two do anything in there but change your clothes! I'm a hungry boy."

"We won't," we replied in unison as we ran off giggling towards his bedroom.

We stopped at the door and he blushed. "So, uh, this is my room."

"Are you nervous about me seeing your room, Edward?"

"Maybe, uh, I don't know." He opened the door and I smiled. Above his heavy mahogany sleigh bed was an enlarged photo of the three of us on Emma's second birthday. We were each kissing one of her plump, rosy, cheeks and she was laughing.

"Oh, Edward, it's beautiful," I said as I walked toward it. Without asking permission I crawled on his bed and rose up on my knees to touch it. It was so life-like.

I felt his arms snaking around me and his hot breath on my ear. "Don't you have a copy of this?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I don't have many photos. I left them in a box in your parents' attic. I only kept a couple. It was too hard to see her, us."

"Don't cry, Love, we'll be okay."

I laughed. "I didn't even realize I was crying." I wiped up the tears with a shaky hand and leaned back on Edward's chest. "We should get changed before Emmett comes in to find us."

"Yeah," he whispered. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and released me to go find some clothes. I continued to stare at the photo and tried to remember the sound of her laughter. It was then that I realized that it was getting harder and harder to recall the intoxicating sound of her happiness.

"Here, Love," Edward said, handing me a pile of clothes. "I'm sorry they're not fancier, and you're probably going to drown in them."

I smiled sadly at him. "Do you think your parents still have the old home movies of Emma?"

Edward paused for a moment. He looked to be deep in thought before he finally spoke quietly, almost sadly. "They have some and I have some."

My heart clenched. "Here? You have some videos of Emma here?" My heart began to race and I wanted to jump for joy.

"Yes. Now get down and get dressed and we'll discuss it."

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I couldn't stop bouncing. "Can we watch them?"

He smiled at me. "Yes, but get dressed first, we'll eat breakfast, and watch them after, okay?"

I bounced off the bed and into his arms. "Thank you!" My lips found his and I kissed him hard.

"I'M HUNGRY!" Emmett bellowed from outside the bedroom door.

"We're coming!" I yelled back as I tore myself away from Edward. "Go cook breakfast. Hurry! Emmett might try to eat us."

Edward laughed as I slapped his ass again. I grabbed the t-shirt and sweatpants he'd left behind and scooted into the bathroom to wash up and change. My hands shook excitedly as I tried to tie the drawstring on the pants, which all but swallowed me.

I couldn't believe that in a matter of hours I could get back the sound of my baby's laughter; for a few brief moments it will be as if she's alive again.

Rose was lounging on the couch when I emerged.

"Wow, Bells, what's with the big smile?"

Flopping down beside her, I stretched and grinned. "Emma."

She looked confused. "Emma? You lost me, Sweets."

I moved my head so I was lying in her lap. "Edward has home movies of Emma. Would you like to meet her?"

Rose's jaw dropped. "Really? You'd share that with me? Oh, Sweets, I'd love to meet Emma." She leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"I'd like to watch with Alice and Jasper too. I should ask if the boys mind. I want all three of you to have a chance to see her. God," I said, squealing, "I can't wait! Hey, Edward?"

_**Edward**_

Bella asked if it was okay if Alice and Jasper came over to watch home movies with us, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I wanted to spend the afternoon alone with her to talk, but she was so excited about this that I couldn't say no.

"How about we invite them over for supper and watch the movies then? Can you hold on that long?" I suggested, so at least then I'd have the afternoon with her without interruption.

She lay with her head in Rosie's lap pouting. Leaning down, I whispered in her ear that I wasn't ready to share her yet. She kissed me and called my bluff.

"What's the real reason, Edward?"

"There are things we need to talk about and I don't want any distractions."

"Okay, I can accept that," she pointed to her lips. "Kiss?"

"Of course, Love."

I leaned in to give her a quick kiss, but she quickly pulled me over the back of the couch and on top of her. Rosalie let out a howl, Bella giggled, and I grunted as my balls came in contact with Bella's bony knee. Next thing I know, Emmett's picking me up and dragging me back to the kitchen. "Come on, you're shirking your duties. Just for that, you get to grate the cheese."

"NO!" I shrieked melodramatically, raising my hands to my face, "not the cheese!"

Emmett threw a mushroom at me. "Dumb ass."

We worked in silence for all of, oh, ten seconds, before my big brother finally asked what I knew he was dying to know. "So, uh, did you and Baby Girl get freaky on the couch last night?"

Turning away from him, I returned to my cheese grating and mumbled that no, we hadn't. "I wouldn't have told you even if we had."

"I beg to differ, little man," he said as he whisked a dozen defenseless eggs into a frothy frenzy. "You'll sing like a fucking canary when it happens."

Did I really want to have this discussion with Emmett? I had no one else to talk to about it, and he'd get it out of me eventually. "We almost did, but I stopped it."

I felt the wind from my brother's big exhale hit the back of my neck. Ugh. "Em, your morning breath is rotten. Can you please breathe in the other direction?" I pinched my nose before turning around to face him. "What?"

Emmett was standing with his slack jaw almost dipping into the bowl of pulverized eggs. "I don't know what to say. I'm shocked."

"Why would you be shocked?" I asked , shrugging, "We're not ready for sex yet."

"Maybe you should have thought of that when you were fourteen?" he teased. "I'm proud of you. I don't know how you've managed to keep it in your pants after waiting for five years."

I turned back to the cheese and shrugged as I resumed grating. God, I hate grating cheese. "I need us to work, Em, and if it means waiting, then what's a few more months?"

My brother's voice squeaked incredulously. I didn't need to look back at him to know that his face was scrunched up in confusion. "Months? Seriously?"

"Whatever it takes. Now stop whipping the eggs, they're fluffy enough."

Emmett looked down and laughed. "Oops. Can you chop up the veggies?"

I smiled at him, glad he wasn't going to pursue it any further. "I'm on it. Now get crackin' on that bacon."

_**Bella**_

Rose was quietly braiding my hair as I waited for the inevitable questioning to begin. Unable to deal with the silence any longer, I figured it might be easier to just start things myself.

"No, Rose, Edward and I didn't have sex last night."

I felt her chuckling beneath me. "I was wondering how long it would take to make you crack. I didn't think you did, at least I hoped that you didn't."

Turning my head in her lap so I could see her, I asked her why.

She smiled sweetly at me. "Believe it or not, I want you to be happy and I can see now that he's the one. I just don't want you to rush into things and have them blow up in your face. You're on your way to finally finding some peace." She leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Bells. I only want you to be happy."

Rose's words choked me up and it took me a few minutes to compose myself enough to respond. "Thanks, Rosie, I love you too. I was SO tempted last night. We were making out and I could feel…" I blushed and tried to hide my face from her. She laughed and pushed away my hand.

"Don't hide. You can tell me."

"God, I was so horny and I got caught up in the moment and started grinding on him. Next thing I know he's stopping me and saying no. As much as I wanted to get in his pants, I knew in my heart he was right. It was just hard to get the girly bits to understand.

"And, if I was feeling that uncomfortable, I can't even begin to imagine the agony he was in."

Rose resumed her braiding as I continued to talk. "I love him, Rose, a lot, and it scares me."

"Why?"

"Because it's too easy."

"Hmm…" was Rose's reply said as she pondered something. "Did you ever stop to think that it's supposed to be easy?"

Huh, I hadn't thought of that. I thought it over as I played with one of my braids. "Maybe you're right. Hey, enough about me, how did YOUR date go?"

I felt a shiver pass through her before she spoke. "It was good. We had a great time."

"Did you talk to him yet?"

She shook her messy blonde head. "I had planned to last night, but something came up."

Alarms went off in my head as the tone of her voice changed. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," she replied, absently, "it's got nothing to do with us; he's just working through something. Man," her head popped up and she sniffed deeply, "something smells good."

"It should," Emmett said as he carried in a tray laden with breakfast fare. "Come on, baby, we're doing breakfast in bed."

Rose squealed and hopped up from the couch, almost knocking me over onto the floor. "Sorry," she said, giggling over her shoulder at me as she left the room.

"It's okay. Enjoy your breakfast."

Edward emerged shortly thereafter. "Bella, would you like to eat at the table or in…"

"Bedroom!" I squeaked, jumping up.

"Wait! Can you help me with something? My hands aren't as steady as Em's and I don't think I can carry it all myself without spilling some, if not all of it."

"Sure. I'm not much steadier, so this could be interesting."

We managed to get the food to his room without many mishaps. There was some juice spillage and a few grapes rolled under the bed, but no one got wet or hurt so it was deemed a success. Edward rushed over to shuffle his pillows around and build them up against the beautiful headboard as I arranged the trays of food on the mattress.

_**Edward**_

I scrambled to hide Bunny Fou Fou from Bella. I know it was a totally dishonest thing to do, and it had the potential to damage our fledgling relationship, but I wasn't ready to give him up yet.

Bella was none the wiser as she arranged our breakfast on the trays. Once I had the pillows set up, I motioned for her to come sit. I held the tray with the drinks steady until she was seated comfortably, looking hot as hell with her hair braided messily and drowning in my oversized clothes. I wanted nothing more than to rip them off her and make her cry out my name, but it was too soon for that.

Handing her the tray to hold, I got into position beside her and took my glass, placing it on the bedside table. She did the same, then handed me my plate. We ate in companionable silence until our plates were cleaned.

"Wow, you were hungry," I said to her as I watched her chew on a crust of toast.

She nodded happily. "I was, and that was incredible. Oh, we didn't eat the fruit." She grabbed a grape. "Open up."

I opened my mouth and she traced the outline of my lips before popping the cool little fruit into my mouth. I held it in my teeth and leaned towards her. Our lips met and Bella groaned when the pressure of our kiss caused the grape to explode.

We suddenly couldn't get enough of each other, as if the sweet juice was an aphrodisiac. I felt like I would suffocate without her mouth on mine and my hands ached when I wasn't touching her. We lay on the bed facing each other, legs criss-crossed, entangled, her hip rubbing against my painfully hard cock.

My hands ghosted up beneath the loose fabric of the t-shirt she was wearing until I brushed against her breasts. They were smaller, but her nipples remembered my touch and hardened quickly. Bella gasped into my mouth and I almost came right then and there.

"God, I missed you," I panted as I pulled her closer to me.

"Ungh, God, Edward, I need…we need to…shit…stop before I come," she groaned.

"Come for me, Bella."

"I can't," she gasped as she pulled away. Her eyes had lost their lustful burn and now smoldered sadly.

"What's wrong, Love? I'm sorry, we'll stop. Please," I held her face in my hands and watched as her eyes closed and she winced. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

Bella buried her face in my shirt and clung to me as she mumbled something into my chest. Lowering my head, I asked her to repeat what she'd said.

"I said that if you make me come, I'd never be able to stop. I would want you, hell, I'd need you, more of you, and we'd be screwed."

"Would that be so…oh shit, I'm sorry, Bella. I was the one who set the terms last night and here I am willing to break them without a second thought."

When I extricated myself from her grip, she sighed sadly. "What is it, Love?"

"Hold me?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Anytime."

We were quiet in our cuddling for a while, the only noise coming from our breathing and the sound of hands rubbing over t-shirts in non-threatening and reassuring ways. I rubbed her back in soothing circles while her fingers innocently traced the outline of my chest and abs.

"Edward?" she whispered after a while. "What did you do when you left?"

Before I even realized what I was doing, I blurted out, "I lost everything."

"No, seriously, what did you do when you left?"

"I wandered aimlessly," I said, sucking in a deep, painful breath. Thinking about the darkest time of my life was agonizing; like there were daggers stabbing my lungs, and each breath was excruciating. Shit, I forgot to take my Paxil.

Moving away from her, I got up to find my pills before things got out of hand. She huffed and threw a pillow at me, forcing me to turn around. "Bella, did you just throw a pillow at me?"

She was furious. Her face was red, and her arms crossed across her chest. "Yes. Yes, I did. Answer my fucking question, don't run away from me."

Oh shit, she thought I was avoiding her. I walked back over to the bed and leaned down to hug her. "Bella, Love, I'm not avoiding you, I just realized I forgot my Paxil. I should really take it if I want to get through the home movies."

I watched the red creep up her cheeks as realization dawned on her. "Oh, I'm sorry. That reminds me…" she untangled herself from my embrace and stood. "I have pills to take too. Let's get medicated."

Smiling at her, I assured her that I would answer her questions when we returned.

_**Bella**_

Back in his bed after taking care of our prescription problems, I snuggled into him and sighed as he played with my hair.

"The day I left, they told me that there was a 95% chance that you would be severely compromised if you survived, and that you would probably not remember any of us; that you'd be more or less a vegetable.

"We hadn't buried Emma all that long before and the thought of burying you was too much. The heartache of you surviving and not knowing me, not remembering us, was equally devastating. I was falling apart and I couldn't find the words to explain to anyone that I needed help. Every breath the machines took for you killed me. Every non-responsive moment was sheer torture."

Edward reached up to run his hands nervously through his hair and I just stared at him, trying to imagine how he was feeling during all of this and how I would feel if the tables had been turned and it was Edward in a coma. I reached for his hand and held it to my cheek.

"My cousins Tanya and Kate had come for the funerals and had watched me agonizing over everything. Tanya suggested I come back to Denali with them for a while to get away, to try to deal with it.

"At first I said no, that I wouldn't, or couldn't leave you, but Tanya said that it wouldn't matter where I was, that you were likely going to die and if you didn't, nothing would ever be the same. It would be too hard to be around you and not be able to touch you, to love you."

"So you listened to Tanya?" I said, tersely. I never liked Tanya.

Edward nodded, then kissed my forehead. "I said my final goodbye and left."

"I started to surface a couple of weeks later, but I remember when you left. If you could have just waited a couple of weeks."

"I know. When Emmett called to tell me to get my ass back, I couldn't do it. I was ashamed of myself and afraid of how people would react. I was a coward. I finished school in Alaska and had fully planned on going to university there for the full four years. Alaska was as cold as my frozen heart and I didn't think I deserved to be anyplace else."

I scoffed. "Melodramatic, much?"

He shrugged.

"Why did you come back?"

"Emmett called to say that Mom had a nervous breakdown when you left. He insisted that I suck it up and come home to fix what I had done."

I looked at him, confused. "What you'd done? It was my fault because I was the one who left. I caused Esme's breakdown."

Edward ran a long finger up and down my jaw and sighed. "No, Bella, I started the ball rolling and it was time I came home to stop it.

"When I arrived, my mother made it abundantly clear that I had ruined everybody's lives by running. She blamed me for your departure. She said some very harsh, but true things and I snapped."

I turned around so I was facing him. "What do you mean you snapped?"

His face was agonized and it tore at my heart. I caressed his cheek lovingly. "Edward, it's okay, you can tell me."

A tear ran down his cheek. "I tried to kill myself."

The impact of those five words took the breath out of my lungs, and made my heart clench. "YOU WHAT?" I screeched.

"Please don't make me say it again, Bella. I'm so ashamed of myself. Just another epic moment of weakness on my part that changed everything."

"Say it, Edward."

I watched the torment build, the shame flooding his face in crimson, before he opened his eyes and stared at me. "I tried to kill myself, Bella. I took a lot of powerful drugs and I tried to die."

I am such an asshole for putting him through this, but I needed to hear him say it. "Why?"

"Why the fuck not? I had nothing to live for. Emma was dead, you were gone, my mother was losing her mind and everyone blamed me. It was a huge burden to carry and I wasn't strong enough. I caved and again tried to take the coward's way out.

"I ate the pills, washed them down with some whiskey and collapsed. Emmett…God…Emmett found me. He hadn't seen me in over a year and he finds me sprawled out, nearly dead on the floor. I feel so badly for him. My biggest regret at the time, besides failing to end my life was that Em had to find me."

Edward wiped at the tears that rolled down his flushed cheeks.

"You really wish you had died?" I asked quietly, watching his face closely.

"Not now, but I did then. I was so overwhelmed and felt so utterly alone. I didn't even think about how it would affect my family; frankly, I didn't think they'd care."

"So, obviously you lived," I said, turning back around and leaning on his chest so I could still see him.

Edward sighed as he held me tighter. "Emmett called an ambulance, they tried to pump my stomach, but a lot of the drugs had already entered my blood stream. I was put in a medically induced coma for a week while my body tried to detox itself. My kidneys never fully recovered and my liver doesn't work to full power either.

"I'm lucky I came out of it as well as I did. I should have died. They were baffled that I hadn't."

I squeezed him tightly and kissed above where his heart was beating a steady rhythm. "I'm glad you lived."

He kissed the top of my head. "Me too. When I was discharged from the hospital, my parents sent me off to a psychiatric hospital for a month to try to get help dealing with everything."

"Did it help?"

He chuckled. "Hell, no. I wouldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't tell them about the horrible things I'd done and I couldn't talk about Emma. It frustrated them to no end."

I remembered something when he mentioned Emma's name. "Oh! Can I still invite Alice and Jasper over to watch the home videos?"

"If you want to. I thought maybe you'd want to watch them alone. It's pretty overwhelming the first time. I thought perhaps…"

I silenced him with a finger on his lips. "I need them to meet her. They need to see her the way I remember her so maybe they'll understand why I am such a mess."

He kissed my finger and smiled sadly. "Okay, give them a call and see if they want to come over for dinner, and then the home movies."

I leaned up and kissed him. "Thank you." I grabbed my phone off the bedside table, and Edward spelled invisible words on my arms and stomach as I dialed Alice's number.

There was barely a break between when the phone rang and when she started yelling at me. "Bella! Where the hell were you last night? Jazzy and I have been worried sick about you."

"Easy, Ali, you know where I am."

I heard a giggle on the other end. "Jazzy, stop tickling me. Yeah, Bells, we figured as much. How did it go?"

"It went well. We talked and slept," I said, smiling at Edward, who was still writing on me with his finger.

"Slept as in, you actually reached REM or slept as in, he fucked you silly?"

I gasped in mock shock; however, the blush saturating my cheeks was authentic. "Ali! I can't even believe you said that! We slept, as in, reached REM, slumbered, dreamed, etcetera."

"Okay, good." I think I actually heard her exhale a sigh of relief.

"Are you and Jazzy busy for dinner?"

"No, why?"

I took a deep breath before answering. "Would you like to come to Edward and Emmett's? The boys are cooking, and if it's anything like what Edward made for me last night, then we're all in for a treat."

Edward looked up, smiled, and mouthed, "Thank you."

"I'm sensing there's more to this." Alice responded, suspiciously.

"Ali, would you like to meet Emma?" My voice was suddenly very hoarse with emotion.

Alice was silent. Jasper spoke next. "Bells? What's going on? You actually managed to make Alice speechless."

"I wanted to know if you and Alice would like to come over to meet Emma."

"Uh," Jasper said nervously, "Bells, uh, Emma died."

"I know, Jazzy."

"How? How can we meet her?"

I ran my fingers through Edward's hair, and he purred. "Edward has home movies. It would mean an awful lot to me if we watched them together. I want you to see her alive. I want to share her spirit with you."

I heard Jasper swallow loudly, and his voice was rough when he spoke next. "Oh course, darlin', we'd be honoured. What time do you want us to come over?"

"Anytime after six?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow at Edward, who nodded yes.

"We'll be there. Do we need to bring anything?"

Without hesitation, I told him to bring beer. "Bring lots and lots of beer. This might get messy."

"You haven't watched them yet? Are you sure you want…?"

I cut him off. "I NEED you guys with me."

"Alright, we'll be there. I have to go deal with Alice; I think you broke her brain. Love you, Bells."

"Love you too, Jazzy."

After disconnecting with Jasper, I repositioned myself so I could get reconnected with Edward.

* * *

**_So...home movies...good idea or not? Do you think Bella's ready for this?_**

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	16. Chapter 16

**_No, it's not Tuesday, I wanted to give you guys a break. I know the home movies thing is making some of you nervous, so I thought I'd put it out early. _**

**_AND, I wanted to give you another chance to be a part of something incredible...MsKathy's Haiti Relief project. If you make a $5 donation (minimum) to a relief agency and send in your proof, you will receive an anthology of fanfic, original fic, etc from over 200 of your favourite fanfic authors, including me!_**

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**_Get your tissues ready gang, I give you the home movies chapter...

* * *

_**

_**Edward **_

Bella and I lay in my bed holding hands and staring at each other. I'm not sure what she was doing, but I was memorizing Bella V2.0. I never wanted to forget a single line, freckle, or scar on her beautiful face again for as long as I lived. I hoped desperately that I would never have to be separated from her like that again, for the rest of my life, but as we both knew, life had only one certainty, and that was death.

I traced her features with my fingers and almost came unglued when she fluttered her eyelashes against my skin. Leaning in, I kissed each eyelid, her nose, her cheeks, her chin, and that smile. It was taking everything out of me not to just take her right then and there. God, she had such power over me, even after all these years. I tried to shift myself without drawing attention to the fact that I was harder than the iceberg that sank the Titanic. I didn't want to freak her out, but at the same time, I feared my cock was losing precious blood flow.

She wasn't helping matters any by the way she was wrapped around me, looking at me through her long lashes, unintentionally seducing me. When we were younger, she always knew what to say or do to make me do her bidding. Although she could have, she never abused her power over me…except for when she was pregnant, and even then it wasn't over the top.

I smiled, remembering the biology incident.

_Bella was eight months pregnant at the beginning of tenth grade and still going to school. In our first biology class of the year, Mr. Varner handed out the syllabus and when Bella saw all the dissection classes, she tensed up._

"_Edward, I can't," she whispered, her voice trembling. _

"_Why not? They're already dead, Love. You can't hurt them." I chuckled at her._

_She cringed and curled into my side. "I…I can't do it. I'm going to fail."_

"_I don't understand. What's the big issue?" I pulled her back so I could see her face. She batted her eyes at me, and I groaned._

"_Faces."_

_What the…? "Faces? I don't get it." I really couldn't see what faces had to do with anything. What was she talking about?_

_Scrunching her face up in disgust, she gagged. "I can't cut into something that has a face."_

_I acted on my most primal male instinct and committed the worst possible crime—I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my stool. "But Bella, you eat things that had faces at one time. This is actually BETTER because you're not eating them, you're just examining them."_

_Her furious gaze stopped my laughter. Oh shit, she's rubbing her belly now. She's using the baby as a weapon. I'm in trouble._

"_I'm glad you find this funny, Edward. I'm eight months pregnant, upset, and you're laughing at me. Nice." She turned her stool so she was facing away from me._

"_Oh, Bella, Love, I'm sorry. I guess it's hard for me to understand why someone would be afraid to dissect a worm. Never mind the fact that I didn't take into consideration that you're pregnant. I'll do the dissections if you'll do the diagramming and write-ups."_

_I heard the grating, high-pitched squeak of her stool turning. "Fine," she said, pouting._

_Leaning towards her, I planted a kiss on her cheek and gave her belly a rub._

"_Ahem, Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan, this is a classroom and not a bedroom. Please keep your canoodling out of the school."_

"_Yes, sir," I said, "but I disagree; we aren't canoodling."_

_He eyed Bella's protruding baby bump. "Seems to me you were canoodling about eight months ago. If you could please focus on your schoolwork with the same attention you do your girlfriend's body, you'd be a genius. Eyes on your textbooks, NOW."_

_Mr. Varner walked away and Bella flipped him the bird. _

She was a sassy one, my Bella. I smiled at the memory.

"Edward, what're you thinking about?" Bella asked quietly, bringing me out of my daydream.

"You," I whispered.

"What about me?"

I smiled warmly as I nuzzled her nose. "Just that you're amazing and I feel like I'm dreaming. I never thought I'd see you again, but here you are."

"Mm…" she hummed, "I dreamed of this. As angry as I was at you, I still loved you. I don't think I will ever not love you."

"Really? Wow." How was it that after all I'd done to break the angel before me, that she could still find it in her heart to love me? It made no sense. "I'll never stop loving you either, Bella. I never did stop, even when…"

Bella put a finger to my lips. "No, Edward, don't. Not today."

I nodded and closed my eyes as I felt her hands move around and under my shirt. She raked her short nails up and down my back and it felt so good that I couldn't stop the quiet moans. My body relaxed with each pass of her hands, and I could feel myself drifting off.

"I can't wait to see Emma." Bella's words quickly brought me back to the present and away from the brink of sleep.

"Are you sure you can handle it? It's pretty overwhelming."

Her eyes shone through the tears that were precariously close to overflowing. "Yes, I've been ready for a while. At least I think so."

I pulled her face closer to me and inhaled her unique scent into my lungs before speaking again. "We can stop any time you want. It's just a matter of pressing the stop button."

"I'm more scared of what happens when we press stop. I'm scared it'll hurt more when it's over."

"We'll all be here for you, Love."

Silence covered us like a warm blanket as we held each other on my bed. It felt perfect, aside, of course, for the potential disaster dangling above us.

_**Bella**_

My afternoon with Edward was incredible. We talked, kissed, stared, napped, and just held each other. It was the kind of healing my soul needed and I felt fully prepared to face the home videos—and Alice.

I groaned as Emmett summoned Edward to the kitchen. He kissed me, and said I could stay in his bed and nap if I wanted to. A nap sounded great; however, as soon as my eyes closed, I was attacked by Alice and Rosalie. Or rather, Alice pounced and Rosie tried to restrain her without success. I pressed my face into Edward's pillow and prayed his intoxicating musk would take me away, but alas and alack, the evil pixie was more powerful.

"So, how was the date?" she asked as she flopped down beside me, propping herself up on an elbow. "Are you sure you didn't take a ride on Eddie's baloney pony? Marinate the nether rod in the squish mitten? "

Rose thwapped Alice over the head with a pillow. "ALICE!"

"What?" she asked nonchalantly. "Am I not allowed to know these things?"

Rolling my eyes, I sighed heavily. "You're starting to sound like Emmett, Alice. What's up with quoting the Bloodhound Gang? I told you before that we didn't do anything. Sheesh."

Alice's smile dimmed and her features softened. "So, the, uh, videos. Are you sure about this?"

I nodded and smiled. "Yes, Alice. I'm ready and I need and want you to be a part of this. I'm so happy that you'll get to see her alive and fall in love with her the way that we did." A lump began swelling in my throat. "You'll get a kick out of my Dad."

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked, cupping my face in her tiny hands. I felt Rose move behind us and her arms were soon hugging me.

"Yeah," I sputtered, "I miss them so much." Turning my head, I buried it in the closest pillow and cried.

"Maybe we shouldn't…" Rose whispered over me.

My head flew up off the pillow. "NO! We have to! I need to! Please!"

"Okay, Sweets," Rose said, as she pushed some hair out of my face, "but if it gets to be too much, let us know. So, why don't we go find our men and see if we can help?"

I sat up and smiled a little. "Okay, but let me go wash my face. I don't want Edward to know that I was crying. He'll think I shouldn't watch the videos."

The girls hugged me and left the room, giving me a few moments of peace before heading out to face the world. I went into the bathroom and scrubbed at my splotchy, tear-streaked face and tried to find a convincing smile.

Was I sure I could handle this? No. Was Edward any more able to deal with this? Probably not. How would Emmett handle it? Was I being totally unfair to them by doing this? Emmett and Emma were like two very mismatched peas in a pod and he loved her as his own.

God, was I making a mistake by inflicting this on everyone?

Splashing more water on my face, I tried to find my resolve and steeled myself against the emotional onslaught to come.

The sight that greeted me when I entered the other room made me smile and laugh like a fool. The boys were wearing aprons emblazoned with different sayings: _Kiss the Cook, How Do You like My Footlong? _and_ Real Men Bake Naked._

"Where did you get those?" I asked as I approached Edward and did as his apron asked, I kissed him madly and deeply until we were rendered breathless.

"Mm…my mom bought me the one I'm wearing when I came back from Denali and showed off my culinary prowess, but Emmett found the other two online. I refuse to wear them, but Jasper seems to like his."

Jasper was proudly wearing the _Real Men Bake Naked_ apron. I laughed. "That's because he prefers to do everything naked, including proposals."

Alice whipped a dish towel at my butt. I jumped up into Edward's arms. "Save me!"

Emmett pulled me out of Edward's arms and herded us girls into the living room. "Stay here. You're distracting my sous chefs. Appetizers will be ready shortly. Can I get anyone a drink?"

All three of us girls chorused: "BEER!"

"As you wish. Jasper will be your sommelier for the evening."

Jasper appeared with cold beer for each of us as we made ourselves comfortable on the big couch. "Ladies, should you require any further beverages, please let me know."

We giggled like fools as Jasper served us. "I could get used to this," Rosalie said.

"Easy, sister mine, this will NOT be a common thing. It's not my fault the Cullen Brothers are trying to woo y'all. I got suckered into this."

Alice smiled and with the flick of a finger, beckoned for him to approach. "Play along and I'll owe you one later,"she whispered seductively to him.

Jasper gulped loudly. "Miss Brandon, I'm going to hold you to that."

With a wink to our trio, he left to go back to the kitchen. I turned to Alice. "Am I going to need earplugs tonight?"

Alice batted her eyes at me innocently. "Perhaps"

"Gah," I gagged, "maybe I'll crash at Rosie's tonight."

"You can always stay here, Love," Edward said from behind me.

"As much as I'd love to, I need to sleep tonight, I don't have any clean clothes, and I have a meeting with my thesis advisor in the morning. Besides, I'm pretty much used to their noise by now." I looked back and smiled at him.

Jasper reappeared before us with a tray of stuffed mushrooms, bacon-wrapped scallops, and miniature potato boats. We attacked the tray with gusto, eliciting moans of pleasure as we devoured the hors d'oeuvres.

"Oh God," Rosalie groaned, "if he fucks as good as he cooks, I'm going to be a fat and happy woman."

Alice snorted and began choking on her scallop. I calmly wrapped my arms around her and gave a couple of squeezes until it dislodged and she could laugh clearly again.

"Thanks, Bella. Rosie," she said, turning to slap her, "don't make me laugh when I'm eating."

Rose mumbled her apologies through a mouthful of potato.

I made sure we saved some for the boys and took the tray back to the kitchen. "Here, boys, we saved you some."

Emmett turned around and smiled. "Those were for you guys, Baby Girl, but if you don't want them I'm sure we can…"

"NO!" Rose and Alice shrieked as they jumped over the back of the couch, scrambling towards the kitchen. "We want them! We want them!"

After the appetizers had been eaten, the boys called us to the dining area for dinner. We had an incredible spinach salad dressed in warm vinaigrette as a starter, followed by herb crusted chicken breasts and ginger citrus glazed carrots.

Almost better than the food was the light atmosphere and easy banter that settled over our meal. Everyone laughed, joked, smiled, and teased each other playfully. It was one of those moments you wish you could bottle up and keep forever, or immortalize in a Norman Rockwell painting. Okay, Norman Rockwell probably wouldn't have put up with the dirty jokes Emmett was telling, or the shop talk about the benefits of using butt plugs versus anal beads, but just the same, this was my dysfunctional American family.

"Bella, I hope you don't mind having crème brûlée two nights in a row, but Emmett insisted. He was feeling left out after I made it for you last night but didn't save any for him."

"No, I don't mind one bit; I could eat it every day of the week and not get sick of it." And that was the truth, I could eat that shit Monday through Sunday.

The girls and guys moaned and groaned in delight as they devoured the rich desert. I squeezed Edward's hand under the table and smiled at him. It was becoming harder and harder to contain my excitement over what was to come after we finished eating. Edward's smile looked forced and pained. Why wasn't he happy about this?

I tugged on his hand and stood up. I could feel his resistance, and it served nothing more than to pique my curiosity again.

"Edward, what's wrong? Are you angry with me?" I asked as I dragged him to his bedroom.

He closed the door and slowly turned back to face me. "No, Bella, I'm not angry." Walking over to the bed, he sat and motioned for me to join him. After I sat, he held my hands and spoke again. "Love, I'm concerned. Are you really ready to see this? Can you handle it? I don't think my heart can handle seeing you fall apart when you see her. It's incredibly overwhelming and I worry that…"

"…that I'll fall apart?" I finished, looking intently at him.

He nodded. "Can you handle it?"

I paused for a moment, and hoped that he wouldn't think I was hesitating because I was scared. "Yes," I replied with conviction. "There's strength in numbers. I need to do this, Edward. Please don't take it away from me." I implored him with my eyes.

His gaze remained on me for what felt like an eternity. Finally, he exhaled. "Okay, let me grab the gang and let's go see our girl."

_**Edward**_

Is it wrong for me to wish I hadn't found the DVDs? I felt like an ass, but desperately wanted to save Bella the heartache that she was no doubt going to be feeling. I just want to protect her from any more hurt and I knew that this would potentially break her. I mean, she left all the photos she had of Emma and her parents in Forks at my parents' place, so obviously she didn't want to see her, see them. She keeps saying that she's ready, but is she really?

God, why did I tell her about them?

"Edward? Did you find them?"

Lie to her. Lie to her. Damn it! "Yes, Bella, I did. Do you have your Ativan handy?"

Looking at me inquisitively, she scrunched up her face. "Yeah, it's in my bag. Why?"

Because you're going to need it, Bella, I thought. "I might need some. It's been a while." God, I'm such a liar!

She paused to think for a moment. I hoped that she was having second thoughts, but I knew the second she looked directly at me and smiled that she wasn't. "Let's go."

Emmett was clearing the table and the others were getting situated on the couch. I reluctantly moved to the entertainment system and inserted three of the discs into the multi-disc changer. Grabbing the remote, I turned to see Bella sitting nervously on the edge of the couch. I kneeled before her and took her hands. "Are you positive?"

She nodded and stood before directing me to sit on the couch. Jasper was sitting to my left with Alice on his lap, and Emmett took his spot to my right. Bella sat on my lap and Rose snuggled into Emmett's big body and let out a contented sigh.

Bella smiled at my brother. "Are you going to be okay, Emmy?"

He nodded but didn't say anything, which worried me.

I took a deep breath and realized that my chest was already tightening. "Got those Ativan handy?" I whispered to her as I hit play. She nodded and then gasped.

"My angel!"

_**Bella**_

There she was--my angel. In sixty inches of flat screen glory. She was screaming, wriggling, and only about an hour or so old. I looked like shit in the background, but I didn't care.

"_Hold her up, Eddie!" A younger Emmett was directing from behind the camera._

_The screen closed in on a very young Edward who was nervously holding Emma. Tears were streaming down his face. "Holy shit, Em, I'm…I'm a d…daddy," he said, looking up from his screaming daughter, eyes huge and full of joy and fear. "What do I do?"_

_The camera shook as Emmett passed it to Carlisle. "Dad, hold it steady, I'm going to show Eddie how to be a daddy. Easy peasy, dude."_

I looked away from the screen for a moment, at Emmett, who was beaming as he watched, yet there was something off.

"_Here, Eddie, hand me the baby," Emmett said._

"_Emmy? Have you ever held a newborn before?" a tired, teenaged me asked nervously._

"_Piece of cake, Baby Girl."_

_The moment Emma was in Emmett's arms, she stopped crying. Her sticky-looking eyes squinted up at him as he spoke to her. "Hey, baby Baby Girl, I'm your uncle Emmett. I'm going to be your favourite person because I'm going to spoil you rotten." He looked up from the baby at me as Edward joined me on the bed, looking exhausted. "So, what's her name?"_

_Carlisle panned the room as the other grandparents moved closer to the bed. He turned the camera back to us._

"_Can I please have my baby, Emmett?" the younger me asked._

"_But I just got her!" he complained._

"_You'll have lots of time with her later, Emmett. I don't want to take any chances, that's all."_

_He reluctantly handed her back to me. "Why?" he asked._

"_I don't want you to spike her like a football when we tell you her name." _I watched as I nuzzled my newborn's head. I could still remember the smell, and I felt the tears beginning to surface. I grabbed Edward's hand for strength.

_Emmett began to whoop and mug for the camera. "I knew it! Woo hoo!"_

"_Wait," I said weakly, "we didn't even tell you her name."_

"_Emmett Cullen Junior?" he asked, hopeful._

"_No, dumbass," Edward said, slapping him. "Shut up and let Bella talk."_

"_Everyone, I want you to meet Emma Charley Cullen."_

"_SCORE!" Emmett shouted. "I knew you'd name her after me."_

_Esme and my mom walked over and kissed Emma on the head while Carlisle handed the camera back to Emmett, who managed to capture a touching moment between our dads. Carlisle walked over to Charlie and hugged him. _

Seeing my parents on the screen was a bit much. "Pause it, please," I mumbled as I pushed away from Edward.

"Bells?" Alice asked, reaching out for me.

"I need some air. I'll be right back." I stumbled toward the door and out into the cooling evening air. The day was about to fade to night, so I stood and watched the horizon while I tried to pull myself together.

"Bella, Love, are you okay?"

I turned into Edward's arms and cried. "I miss my mom and dad."

He stroked my head and back lovingly. "I know. We miss them too."

Edward allowed me a few moments to gather my thoughts and stop crying. "Thank you," I whispered.

"What for?"

"For letting me do this and for doing it with me."

He kissed me and smiled. "I'd do anything for you."

"Let's go back in."

Everyone was staring at me, pity clear as day on their faces. "Guys," I said, addressing them, "I'm okay. Stop looking at me like that. It's just been a long time since I've seen my parents and heard their voices and…"

"You don't have to explain, Bella," Alice said as she stood up to hug me.

Edward resumed his position on the couch, and as soon as we were seated, a strangely sedate Emmett grabbed the remote and fast forwarded through some of the video. "I didn't think you'd want to watch the boob shots."

"Boob shots?" I asked.

"Breastfeeding," Edward whispered.

"Oh, but I do! Please! I mean, you've all seen my boobs before, what makes this any different?"

Emmett pressed play and I saw Edward, Emma, and I curled up in the big wicker basket bowl chair together. Edward was dozing while I fed the baby.

"_Bella, your baby is now one month old. How are you enjoying motherhood?" Esme asked from behind the camera._

"_Shh, Esme, you'll wake Edward. Emma kept him up late last night."_

"_Sorry," she whispered back. "Why was she so fussy?"_

"_Who knows? I tried feeding her, burping her, changing her, and singing to her. The only thing that calmed her down was Edward. He dozed sitting up with her on his bare chest most of the night. Of course I had to wake him to feed her, but eventually she settled down."_

I could hear Emma suckling through the surround sound system as she ate and I felt my chest turning to cement. I reached into my pocket for a pill, but Alice stopped me. "You can do this, Bells. You don't need them."

"I don't think I can. Emmett, fast forward, please," was all I could manage to choke out before I buried my face in Edward's neck to prepare for the next batch of tears. He rubbed my back and whispered reassurances to me. How he was managing to hold it together was beyond me.

"STOP EM!" Edward suddenly said. When I turned to see what he'd wanted to watch, I couldn't help but smile. Emma and I were asleep in the rocking chair, small smiles on our faces. She was probably 9 or 10 months old at this point.

TV Edward was behind the camera as he moved around, shooting us from different angles and proximities. The camera wobbled and suddenly we were looking at MY Edward, my seventeen year-old first love, and he was smiling.

"_Hi, I'm Edward Anthony Cullen, I'm seventeen years old and I'm with the two most amazing creatures on the planet. This is Isabella Marie Swan, age sixteen. She is the owner of my soul and I love her VERY much. I am a product of her love and friendship and one day I'm going to marry her."_

Again, the camera shifted, but this time it focused on Emma's angelic face as she sucked on her fist and smiled at whatever dreams she was having.

"_This," he continued, "this is Emma Charley Cullen, and she owns my heart. She is a product of mine and Bella's love and a busted condom, but that doesn't change the fact that this tiny little girl has altered our lives in amazingly unimaginable ways. I struggled to understand how a child would fit in my life, and now I can't imagine a world without her."_

Real time Edward was struggling behind me. His grip tightened and he buried his face in my hair and let out a sob.

"Em, honey, pause it or fast forward," Rosalie whispered.

I tried to get a look at Edward, but he held fast, so I ran my fingers through his hair until he calmed down. "Edward, sweetie, we can stop," I said, half-serious. I desperately wanted, hell, I needed to see more, but I was so emotionally drained that I wouldn't have objected too fiercely if someone had turned it off.

"No," he croaked, "Em, find her birthday, please. I need something happy."

Emmett fast forwarded while I continued to soothe Edward. It wasn't until I heard her laugh that I turned back around and joined in with her.

_Emma and Emmett were both wearing tutus and tiaras, dancing around the living room to the soundtrack to _The Little Mermaid._ He held her in his arms as they twirled around, both of them laughing with abandon. _

My heart filled with the soothing sound and I couldn't help but cry, only this time it was from an abundance of joy and not pain. This feeling of fullness, of happiness swelled even further when Emma threw her head back and squealed, and Emmett's own baritone laugh thudded through the speakers.

"_Em!" she squealed before throwing her arms around his big neck._

"_You like that, Baby Em?" he said, slowing down. "We should stop so you don't puke at your birthday party. Why don't we go find Mama so you can get ready?"_

_He moved to put her down, but she clung to his neck. "NO!" she wailed. "Em! Em! Mo!"_

_Emmett looked toward the camera and shrugged. Edward responded, "I suppose one more song won't hurt."_

_Emma looked into the camera, her unruly red hair bounced as she reached toward it. "Dada!"_

"_Dada's here, baby, but he's filming. Dance some more with Uncle Emmett then we'll get ready for your party, okay?"_

"_NO!" She continued to reach for him. Edward sighed faintly as he traded the video camera for his daughter. She smiled before hugging him awkwardly. Edward ran his nose across the top of her head and smiled. "I love you, Emma."_

_Emma returned his declaration with a whack across the head with her tiara. He grimaced as he rubbed his head. "Love hurts, eh, Sweet Pea? What should we dance to?"_

_They moved to the stereo and thumbed through some CDs before settling on Billy Joel's _Lullaby_. _

_Good night my angel time to close you eyes  
And save these questions for another day  
I think I know what you've been asking me  
I think you know what I've been trying to say_

__

I promised I would never leave you  
And you should always know  
Where ever you may go  
No matter where you are  
I never will be far away

Good night my angel now it's time to sleep  
And still so many things I want to say  
Remember all the songs you sang for me  
When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean  
I'm rocking you to sleep  
The water's dark and deep  
Inside this ancient heart  
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream  
And dream how wonderful your life will be  
Someday your child will cry and if you sing this lullaby  
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me

_Someday we'll all be gone  
But lullabies go on and on  
They never die that's how you and I will be _

_Edward waltzed around the room singing to his daughter, who eventually fell asleep in his arms._

"_I love you," he whispered to her, "and now your mommy is going to kill me for letting you fall asleep so close to your party." He turned to Emmett. "You'd better turn that off before you capture my castration on tape."_

We all laughed before Emmett moved Rosalie from his lap. He got up and mumbled something about pissing before he left the room.

_**Emmett**_

I wonder which one of Edward's pills will lift the cinderblock from my chest. Watching the videos was getting harder and harder to handle. I thought I could do it, but it turns out I'm not as strong as I had once thought.

So much time had been spent looking after Bella, then Mom, then Edward that I don't think I ever really dealt with Emma's death myself. It was hard; I couldn't have loved her more if she had been my own, and until I saw her on screen, I didn't realize the extent to which I was missing her. In photographs it was easier to dismiss it, it was easier to disassociate myself, but on video? There she was, in living colour, laughing, smiling, saying my name, making me dress up like some kind of oversized, emasculated fae.

Rummaging around through his pill bottles was proving futile. I could never keep the names and purposes straight. I think I wanted either an Ativan or Rivitrol, but which one? Damn it. Just then the door opened behind me as I continued to debate which one I was going to try.

"If it's immediate relief, take the Ativan. If it's long–lasting, it's Rivitrol," Edward said. "But I don't think drugs are the answer."

My legs went all jelly-like and I sat on the toilet, my head in my hands. Edward put a hand on my back to let me know he was still there.

"God, Edward, it's crushing me. It never hurt like this before."

He sat on the tub in front of me and I watched as his legs bounced up and down nervously. Maybe he needed a pill more than I did.

"Em, I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking. "You never had a chance to deal with it, did you?"

I shook my head. He was right, I hadn't.

"You've been buried under everyone's shit for the past five years and not one of us bothered to ask if YOU were okay. Emma was very special to you and you're probably hurting a lot. Am I right?"

I nodded. The big lump that had taken up residence in my throat since finding Bella was now keeping me from speaking.

"This is all my fault."

I looked at my brother's agonized face and nodded again. It WAS his fault. Well, it wasn't his fault that Emma, Charlie, and Renee died, but it was pretty much on him that we were all still so fucked up after so many years. In a normal world, we'd have dealt with it and moved on, even though we'd still miss them like crazy. Instead, the five of us had been stuck in limbo, living in denial.

"I'm…" he coughed out a sob, "I'm so sorry, Emmett. I was selfish and you ultimately paid the price. How can you stand to be around me?"

Somehow, the lump in my throat shifted slightly and I was able to speak. "Why? How? You're my baby brother, Edward. I love the shit out of you even though you sometimes act like an epic moron. I don't want anything else to happen to you. I don't want to find you near-dead on the floor again. Do you know how that made me feel?" My voice gained strength as my anger grew.

He shook his head and looked at the floor. I knew it bothered him to talk about his failed suicide attempt; I was hitting below the belt and I didn't care. Even after all these years of living together, we never really talked about what happened. Now was the time.

"It made me feel like I failed again. I failed you--you were freaked out and I couldn't help you. You left. I failed Bella because, hell, I don't know why, but she left too. I failed Mom because she lost her shit and went crazy, and then you come back and try to leave again, only this time you tried to leave for good.

"I felt helpless because I couldn't fix anyone and…" my stupid voice cracked and I started to choke on that goddamn lump in my throat, "Emma was gone and I was hurting and there was no one there to fix ME! Sometimes it feels like no one notices I'm around. It's as if I don't have any feelings. No one EVER asked me if I was okay. It was always you or Bella or Mom and Dad, but NEVER Emmett."

It wasn't until I stubbed my toe on the toilet that I even realized I was on my feet. "FUCK!"

Rosalie ran into the bathroom and stared at me, scared. I nodded and she ran over to me, enveloping me in her arms, shushing me, consoling me. "It's okay, Baby, let it out."

_**Edward**_

I was floored. Emmett's outburst was shocking, but at the same time, it wasn't. I mean, logically, I must have known that no one would have been there for him. He didn't have a girlfriend, and everyone was so preoccupied.

Fuck, I'm a monster.

"Em, God, I'm an asshole." I stood up and faced him. He looked broken, and his red, swollen eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life. I had never seen him so distraught, or was it that I had never paid enough attention to him to notice.

I nudged Rosalie so she'd move. "Thanks, Rose," I mouthed to her as I wrapped my arms around my big broken brother.

"Why didn't you ask for help, Em?"

"There wasn't anyone who could help me. Why bother?" He took a big shuddering breath. "Everyone was gone in one way or another."

"I'm so sorry," I said, crying again. "I'm so sorry that you felt like no one cared about you. It's so easy to get caught up in your own drama that you can't see what's going on around you. God, Em…"

"It's okay," Em said quietly.

"No! It's not. Please tell me how to make this better! Let me try to fix you."

Rosalie stepped back toward us, smiling slightly through her tears as she placed her hand on my arm. "That's my job now, if you'll let me, Emmett."

Emmett squeezed me tightly before releasing me to move to Rosalie. "I…I…can't…"

She smiled bigger. "You can, baby, please let me try. What did I say the other night? I said that I'd shoulder some of your burden for a while. Let me do that. Please. It hurts my heart to see you like this. I…I…"

My eyebrows jumped up as I heard this incredible woman begin to say the three words that no woman has ever had the chance to utter to my brother.

"I love you, Emmett. Let me love you. Let me show you that you're worth it."

I smiled at her and left them alone in the bathroom. I felt like I was intruding.

Two worried faces greeted me when I returned to the living room. I smiled a little. "Sorry about that—uh…"

Alice held out a hand. "It's okay, Edward. We all have our moments and it's probably good that he got it all out. Five years is a long time to carry all that around.

"Jasper and I are going to head out. Bells, do you want a ride?"

Bella was staring off into space, her face blank.

"Oh, shit," Alice mumbled, jumping from her perch on Jasper's lap to kneel on the floor in front of Bella. She waved her hand in front of her face. "Bella? Are you there?"

"Yeah," Bella said, "please, I want to go home."

Her voice was so flat it almost sounded dead and it scared the shit out of me.

I moved to kneel with Alice. "Bella, Love, I can drive you home. Why don't you stay for a while longer?"

Bella finally snapped and cried. I'd seen her lose her composure before, but never like this. The sounds she was making were tearing me apart. Alice, Jasper and I tried to calm her down, but she wouldn't, or maybe she couldn't. She fought us tooth and nail, finally getting away from us and clambering toward a corner of the room where she cowered and wailed.

Emmett and Rosalie came running out. "What the hell is going on?" he shouted.

"I don't know! She won't calm down."

"What's she saying?" Rose asked as she strained to make out what Bella was screaming. I hadn't even realized that she was making words, it all sounded like garbled jibber jabber.

Alice was approaching her again, slowly, trying not to spook her. "It sounds like…baby…gone."

I ran over, pushed Alice out of the way and wrapped myself around Bella, who was shaking as she cried. Her voice was getting rougher by the minute.

"Sh, Bella, it's okay. Calm down." I looked up at Emmett. "Grab the bottle of Ativan from the bathroom."

Bella pressed herself even further into my chest as she sputtered. "She's really gone. She's gone."

"Yes, baby, Emma's gone."

She grabbed my shirt in her hand and twisted it. "It hurts, Edward."

"I know it hurts. It'll be okay now."

She looked up at me, my broken Bella, and said, "She's never coming back."

"No, Love, she's not."

"They're not coming back."

"No, Love, they're not." Was she only just realizing this now? What was going on with her?

Emmett handed over the bottle. Bella slapped it away. "NO MORE DRUGS!"

"Okay," I said, quietly, "no more drugs." I sat there and held her until the sobs subsided. The hand she'd fisted in my shirt began to relax as she calmed.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

Emmett moved closer. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

Bella leapt from my arms into Emmett's, knocking him over so they were seated on the floor. "I'm so sorry, Emmett, I hurt you. I hurt Esme and Carlisle too, but I hurt you and I didn't mean to, and Emma's dead and Renee and Charlie…"

"Is this just hitting you now?" I asked her, leaning over to kiss the top of her head.

She nodded again. "I think so. I think the videos, Emmett crying…this is the first time I wasn't…I didn't…"

I pulled her back onto my lap and caressed her cheek gently. "What is it? You didn't what?"

Bella's eyes flitted from my face to the others and then back to mine before she finally spoke.

"It was the first time I didn't…that I didn't feel numb."

* * *

**_I hope it wasn't too hard on you guys. Sometimes it has to hurt before it can heal, right?_**

**_Things will get better. I promise._**

**_REMEMBER: Go to MsKathy's site to learn more about how the fanfiction community is rallying to help the people of Haiti._**

**_As of tonight, January 22, 2010, over $40,000 has been donated by the fanfic community._**

**_I am proud to be part of such a wonderful group of people._**


	17. Chapter 17

**_I am so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. No, really, I am. RL has been dizzying to say the least._**

**_So, thanks for your patience. Oh, and THANK YOU for the heartfelt reviews left for Chapter 16. It was an extremely hard chapter to both read and write. _**

**_But, it had to be done._**

**_Emmett thanks you from the bottom of his big old heart for all the love and concern you have expressed and he's sorry about the epic heartfail he may have caused. :)_**

**_HUGE thanks to my wonderful girls, Katmom (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and Minnakoda who keep me going in so many ways. I *heart* you guys._**

**_Here's Chapter 17._**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. There was a lot to hide from: my shame for losing my shit, and the pain that was shredding my heart and soul like so much mozzarella cheese.

After five years of thinking that I had dealt with things, I have come to realize that it was all a lie, it was a ruse—I was fooling myself and everyone else into thinking I was doing better. It was the drugs that I took to stave off the panic, the pills I took for pain, and my own defenses that had prevented me from REALLY grasping the fact that my family was gone. I mean, I knew they were dead, the fact that I hadn't seen them in five years was enough to prove that point, it was that I just didn't really _know_ in my heart that they were gone.

Watching the videos without the crutch that the Ativan provided had opened up a floodgate of pain, realization, and reality. It was too much to process all at once and I snapped. Now I couldn't turn it off and I wasn't sure I wanted to; I knew in my heart of hearts that this was necessary and it had been a long time coming.

I felt someone picking me up as I sorted through everything, trying to rationalize it all.

"She's been quiet for a long time. Has she gone catatonic?" Alice asked in the distance.

"No, I don't think so," Emmett replied, "I can still see a flicker in her eyes. When Mom lost her shit she had dead eyes, there was no spark, no life."

"Is it some sort of seizure?" Edward sounded terribly fearful and I didn't want him to worry.

Trying as hard as I could to find the energy, I shook my head weakly and tried to speak. "I…I'm just thinking."

"Oh thank God." Edward held me tighter to him. "You scared me. Are you okay?"

My head shook no on its own. "No, I don't think so, but I think I will be. I mean, I REALLY think I will be. Right now, I need to go home, take a shower, and go to bed. I'm exhausted."

Edward looked so sad. I ran a hand through his bronzy mess of hair. "I don't know what your schedule is like tomorrow, but I'd really rather not be alone tonight with the ghosts in my head."

He seemed surprised and relieved at the same time. "You want me to stay at your house?"

"Please?"

"Of course. Why don't I go pack up my necessities and I'll take you home."

I smiled. "I'd like that. Thank you, Edward. Are you sure? Don't you have class in the morning?"

"Yes, but I'll be fine. I can drive you to campus if you want." He got up and went to his room presumably to pack up.

Alice cleared her throat. "Thanks for the incredible meal, gentlemen. Jasper and I will be heading out if our services aren't required. Bells, are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, actually, I feel better than I have in a while."

And I did. Sure I was hurting but it felt good to feel. I never really thought much of taking an Ativan to calm myself down when things became overwhelming, and figured it was just helping me deal, but I think the amount I was taking, coupled with the frequency had really deceived my senses. I needed to stop taking the shit if I was going to figure this mess out.

"Okay, well, we'll be off now. Thanks, Big Guy," she said, hugging Emmett. "Rosie, do you want a lift home?"

Rose looked to Emmett, who shook his head and whispered to her. She blushed and smiled. "Uh, no, I'm going to chill with my man here for a bit. You guys go ahead."

While Emmett walked Alice and Jasper over to the door, I beckoned for her to come closer. "Is Em okay?"

She shrugged. "I really don't know. He's had a huge breakthrough and he needs to work through it. You all do. I think the three of you should go talk to someone to sort this shit out." She punched my shoulder. "Is everyone from Forks bat-shit crazy?"

"No, just us. Oh, and the skanks." I smiled at her. "Thanks, Rosie. Thanks for looking after him, since we did a shit-poor job of it. He deserves someone like you, and I think you'll find that there's no better guy out there than Emmy."

Rosalie's eyes brightened as she smiled. "He's incredibly easy to care for. Oh, and I may have told him I loved him," she added with a wry grin.

Be still my fucking aching heart. "Rosie?! You did? Oh my…" she cut me off by placing her hand over my mouth.

"Shh, this is home talk."

"Speaking of talk," I mumbled through her fingers, "are you going to talk to him about…"

"Talk to me about what?" Emmett asked as he flipped over the back of the couch. Rosalie moved over to lie on top of him and give him a sweet kiss on the nose.

"Talk to you about just how fuckawesome you are."

Emmett pulled her closer and kissed her deeply. His hands reached down and cupped her ass, inciting a guttural moan to come from Rosalie. This was getting a little too intimate for my comfort. "Edward! Hurry up!" I cried out. "Em and Rose are groping each other and my poor stomach can't handle it."

Emmett moved his face away from Rose's and grinned evilly. "Payback's a bitch, Baby Girl. I had to watch you and the boy wonder pawing all over each other for how many years? Suck it up, Princess. I'll make out with my girl wherever and whenever I want to." He kissed her again and when they separated for air, he smiled warmly. "Wanna know why?"

I had to play along with him, it was just too fun, and he was right, Edward and I owed him big time for putting up with our constant PDA when we were younger. "Why is that, Emmy?"

He looked back at Rosalie and his face softened, and a smile I'd never seen before crept up his cheeks. "Because I love her."

Rose's jaw dropped, Edward dropped his bag on the floor with a loud thunk as he walked into the room at that exact moment, and I think my heart skipped a beat. When Rose was finally able to speak, it was with a shaky voice that she said, "Really? You…you love me?"

_**Emmett**_

I looked straight into the depths of her fucking soul and I said it again. "I love you, Rosalie Hale."

"Well, holy shit," Edward said from somewhere behind us. "Bella, let's give these two some alone time."

Bella scooted over and gave us each a kiss. "I love you guys."

"Ditto, kiddo," I replied. Edward gave me a manly fist bump and then smiled at us before ushering Bella out the door.

Then we were finally alone.

"Say it again, Emmett," she whispered.

"I love you, Kitten."

Then my girl smiled so big that I though her beautiful face was going to crack. "But you don't… you never…"

"They weren't you, Rosie. You were made for me; you're perfect in ways you'll never understand. When I think about you I don't think about fucking you, I think about making you smile, about hugging you, kissing you, hearing you laugh…" I trailed off as I watched that gorgeous smile drop from her face. "What? What stupid thing did I say?"

Rose looked utterly dejected. "You don't want to fuck me? Am I repulsive? I know I've been with a few guys, but I'm clean; I go to the clinic every three months. I don't understand."

Oh shit, where's Edward and his vast knowledge of talking to women? "Baby, no, no, no, that came out all wrong."

I pulled her tight to me and ground my hardened cock into her. "I want to fuck you eighty thousand ways to Sunday, but it's not like that. Gah!" Why is this so hard? "Rosie, look at me. You know about my, uh, manwhorish ways, right? Fuck 'em and leave 'em? I didn't want you to think you were like them. I connected with you right away and as terrified as I've been through all of this, I knew that I couldn't lose you. I thought that if I gave you room, if I tried to respect you that you wouldn't leave." Shit, there's that damn lump in my throat again.

"Baby, so many people have left me that I couldn't possibly deal with losing you. I kept the other women away because I didn't want to get close to them, but you, you're different."

A huge tear fell from her cheek onto my chin. "Aw, Kitten, don't cry."

"How am I different other than the fact that you had sex with them and you haven't tried to with me?"

"Aren't you listening to me? The fact that I haven't tried to get in your pants is HUGE. I care enough about you that I wanted to wait. I wanted to be sure that we were both ready. I know you got burned in the past, I wanted to go slow so it would be right, so it could be perfect.

"You're different because you make my stomach go all fluttery and shit when I see you, and I have never EVER wanted to introduce a girl to my parents. I can't wait for them to meet you because they'll love you.

"I know we're moving fast…"

Rose cut me off. "You want me to meet your parents? Really? You think they'll like me? Wow. I don't know what to say. As for things moving fast, yeah, they are, but I meant what I said, I love you. I knew the moment I saw you that you were the one." She smiled at me and traced my jaw with her finger. "I was afraid that you didn't want me."

"What? Oh, Rosie, I'm sorry. I'm new at this shit; I don't know how to do this right. Edward is the romantic one. I know I'm going to fuck up and I'm sorry about that. Will you please promise to tell me when I screw up? Let me know when I'm doing something wrong?"

Rosalie's sweet lips landed on mine and with that kiss she made a million silent promises to love me. I kissed her back and made a million more promises to be what she needed and to love her right.

God, this woman makes me so girlie-Edward-like—and hard. I picked her up, got off the couch and carried her to my room where I planned on loving the shit out of her until she came at least a dozen times; however, seeing as it was a school night, and we both had to be up early in the morning, I might have to cut that number in half.

Why couldn't it be Friday? Or Christmas? Or Spring Break?

_**Edward**_

"That was, uh, interesting." I said as I pulled the Volvo out into the street.

Bella giggled beside me in the passenger seat. "I'm so happy for them. They really are perfect for each other."

"I'm still in shock. I mean, Rose came into the bathroom and told him she loved him, which was strange enough, but to hear him say it? You know how Em rolls; he doesn't throw the word around easily. This is HUGE!"

"It's been a strange night." Bella looked out the window and sighed. I reached over to take her left hand in my right.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling any better?"

I heard her head go clunk against the window. "Yeah, I'm just tired and I have a lot to digest."

"We're a mess, aren't we." I said. It was a statement, not a question.

Turning her head, she grinned at me. "A real clusterfuck."

We both chuckled, and then silence filled the car until we reached her house. I pulled into the driveway beside Alice's yellow car and couldn't help but think it was the perfect car for her, like a little bumblebee that's bumbling and buzzing around harmless enough, until she gets aggravated and BAM, she stings you.

There were very few lights on in the house when we entered. Fred came running toward us at full speed, howling, so Bella scooped him up into her arms and buried her face into his fur.

"Hi, buddy, did you miss me? I missed you. Mmm…listen to you purr."

Fred was doing cartwheels in her arms and I had no idea how she managed to hold onto him. I reached over and gave his chin a scratch and I swear he gave me the eye, like he was letting me know that she belonged to him. Not wanting to upset The Fred, I nodded and scratched behind his ear. I think the furry bastard actually smiled at me. God, now I'm fighting over Bella with a cat. She set Fred down and let out a huge yawn before grabbing my hand and leading me to her room. "I'm going to go change, so please, make yourself at home."

She left me in her room as she walked toward the en suite, stopping only to grab something from her bureau. I quickly changed into my pajama pants and debated on whether or not I should wear a shirt. I normally slept shirtless, but with things as strange as they are with Bella…blarg. What to do? I threw on a wife beater and decided to forgo comfort for now.

Fred hopped up onto the bed with me and curled up on my chest, sticking his furry ass in my face. "Fred, dude, I think you're cute and all, but I really don't roll that way, although I'm sure Emmett would argue that."

"It's a sign, you know," Bella said as she emerged from the bathroom, tying her hair up in a ponytail. "It means he trusts you. You should feel honoured; Fred doesn't flash his ass for just anyone."

I watched as she walked to 'her side of the bed,' which hadn't changed over the years, and observed as she pulled down the duvet. She looked cute dressed in short shorts and a tank top that said "kitten" on it in sparkly letters.

"Lift your butt so I can pull up the duvet. Don't worry about upsetting Fred, he'll be back unless you don't want him in here." She suddenly looked worried.

"No, no, Fred's fine." I watched as Bella crawled under the duvet and snuggled into her pillow, before moving over to lay her head on my chest. "Uh, Bella, before you go to sleep, I think we should…er…maybe we need to address the big white elephant in the room."

"What are you talking about?" She sounded legitimately confounded by my statement as she ran her fingers up and down my chest, making designs in the wrinkles of my light cotton wifebeater.

"Uh, well, you kind of freaked out at my house. There was that moment of catatonia that scared the shit out of us. I'd really like to talk about what happened."

Bella yawned, then almost whined her response to me. "I'm really tired, Edward, and I have that meeting with my advisor in the morning. Can we please talk about it another night? I need to sleep."

Her pleading broke me. I couldn't inflict it on her tonight, but we WOULD be addressing it. "What time is your meeting tomorrow?"

She paused for a moment before leapingout of the bed and dashing out the door. She came back with her bag and a big whiteboard. To say I was confused would be an understatement.

"Thanks for the reminder. I need to do up my schedule." She hopped up on the bed and sat cross-legged as she flipped through a notebook she pulled out of her bag, and checked things on her phone. I watched in awe as she planned out her week so efficiently—all of her classes, meetings, shifts at the store, and jotted down reminders like pay the power bill, return books to library, throw out milk.

I poured over it while she worked away and couldn't believe just how tight her schedule was. I mean, I have my daily planner, but I rarely adhere to anything but classes and appointments. "Wow, that's quite the system you have."

"I had to come up with something to keep me on track. I forget stuff all the time, so I have my whiteboard by the door so Alice, Jasper, and I know where I have to be. I have my notebook where I jot stuff down on the fly, add anything new on a daily basis, and add it to my phone calendar. Not only that, I also do this," she turned her phone around and snapped a photo of the whiteboard. "It helps in case someone bumps against it and it gets smudged, which, trust me, has happened before."

Grabbing the marker from her hand, I blocked off Friday night until Sunday evening. "These are mine, if that's okay? I can see you're ridiculously busy this week, so I thought I'd better book my time with you now before you fill it up with little notes like _Date with Adam_." Actually, having the weekend blocked off with her would ensure there would be ample time for us to talk about things, the things she insisted on ignoring or refusing to discuss.

Laughing, she took the marker from me and wrote in _Date with Edward_ after she cleaned up my mess. "I like to keep it neat," she said, matter-of-factly.

"I see you only have two shifts this week." I was praying that these would be her last two; that she'd be done with the place soon and I wouldn't have to worry about her. It wasn't just the thought of her being near Adam that made me anxious; it's just that my girl deserved to work someplace better.

"Yeah," she said, yawning. "I'm hoping to be done this week. I need to brief head office on Adam's progress and make sure that Jasper's okay with his level of training. It's not a hard job; it's just tedious most of the time. Head office can be really nit-picky when they want to be. I really have no idea," she paused to yawn again, "how I managed to keep things in order for as long as I did."

I grabbed the whiteboard from her and set it on the floor. "You're exhausted, Love. Let's go to sleep."

Bella leaned over my body to set her alarm and I think she might have actually fallen asleep as she did it. The clock clunked on the nightstand as Bella went limp, her breathing steadying to a light snore as she lay draped across my torso. I pulled the duvet up over her and kissed her head before turning off the light. I wasn't long behind her in falling asleep.

It was the sound of sobbing that woke me a few hours later. Even disoriented, I knew who it was. "Bella?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I had a dream. Go back to sleep," she replied, sniffling.

Gathering her into my arms, I rocked her and spoke in quiet affirmations until she fell asleep again. It took me a lot longer to join her, my mind was racing too fast. I knew the videos were a bad idea, and yet her current torment was my fault. Ugh. I can't stop hurting her. She would have been better off if…

The logical side of my brain kicked in at that point. Really, would watching the videos EVER be easy? Why was it my fault she was so distraught over watching them? It was a while before I was able to fall asleep again, my brain too busy replaying the evening, and wishing life was like a _Choose Your Own Adventure_ book, where I could go back, choose another option, and if it wasn't the right one, just start over again.

_**Bella**_

Something hard was poking me in the back when I woke up. I rolled back to turn off the alarm, but met some resistance.

Oh—Edward. Ohhhh! I thought about the something hard in my back, which I now knew was Edward. I grinned as I crawled over him to turn off the blaring radio.

Not wanting to disturb him any further, I moved slowly away from him, but he growled and trapped me in his arms. "Morning, Love," he mumbled sleepily.

Edward's crusty eyes opened, and it was hard not to fall headlong into the deep green. His hair was no messier than usual, and I wondered for a moment why he ever bothered to do anything with it, it always looked the same. Smiling, I leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips. "Morning. Time to get up."

"Mm…but I don't want to," he complained, "I like it here."

"I know, so do I, but I have my meeting and you have class, so up and at 'em. You can have first shower."

"Really? You'd give me first shower?"

"Would you like a side order of bacon with your dripping sarcasm, sir? Sheesh." I rolled off him and held up the duvet. "You have some morning wood to deal with. I figured you could do that before scaring my roommates half to death with that monster."

His cheeks flushed and he tried to cover his eyes with his arm.

"Don't you hide from me, mister. It's not as if I haven't woken up with your peen digging into my back, bellybutton or ass a million times before. At least you weren't humping me." I laughed aloud when I recalled the night I woke up and Edward was asleep, dry humping me. Although I promised never to tell another soul, I didn't promise not to tease him about it.

He growled again and launched himself at me. I leapt from the bed and ran squealing toward the door. "Towels are in the linen closet in the bathroom. Do you want coffee?"

"Yes, please and thanks."

Jasper was pouring a cup of coffee when I entered the kitchen. He chuckled and passed it over to me. "You look like shit, Bells."

"Good morning to you, too, sunshine. I kind of had a rough night. Do I really look that bad? I don't want to scare my advisor."

He hugged me. "Yeah, I heard you crying last night. Alice wanted to run in and save the day but I told her that you were in good hands."

I looked around. "Where IS Alice?"

Jasper poured himself another mug of coffee. "She had an early class."

"Oh. Is she still really annoyed with me?"

"Sort of. You know Alice; she loves to carry a grudge."

"Thanks for being so understanding, Jazzy. Both of you Hales have been so great with this."

He shrugged. "What can I say? We're both romantics at heart and it's easy to see that your heart knows what it wants. I'm not saying I won't string him up by his balls if he hurts you, but that would apply to any man. You're my girl, Bells."

"Aww, I love a good sapfest in the morning," I said, giving him a hug. "Oh shit! Look at the time!"

Grabbing my coffee, I dashed back to my room where I found Edward, clad only in a towel. He was still dripping, water glistening off his bare chest, a faint dusting of hair pointing the way down to…Gah! The sight of him made me lose my train of thought completely and I forgot what I was doing.

"Hi," he said, smirking mischievously at me. "Is there a problem?"

Uh.

Speak, Bella.

Think, Bella. What were you doing? What do you do in the morning? Shower. Okay. As soon as I was able to process my next step, I was able to speak again. "Uh, coffee is ready in the kitchen. Help yourself to food. Ask Jazz where everything is." I shouted the last bit as I ran into the steamy bathroom. I turned on the shower and stripped down to nothing while simultaneously chugging my coffee. It struck me as funny that the only time I was able to multitask, ironically, was when I was so completely out of sorts. I jumped in, washed as quickly as possible, and tried not to think about Edward being in here just minutes before, completely naked.

As soon as I had rinsed, I got out of the shower and settled in front of the mirror to try to dry my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I almost cried. Scrawled in the steam was _I *heart* __ you_. It was almost enough to throw me off again.

Over the years, my schedule had become more and more important. When I was at the rehab, everything was timed, regulated, regimented. When I left the rehab, they said that over time I wouldn't need to be so strict, but I still did, and sometimes I wondered if I was really as advanced in my recovery as they said I was. I mean, I could walk, talk, think, feed myself, and thank God, wipe my own ass, which were all things the doctors had said I might never be able to do, or if I could , that I would always struggle. Generally speaking, I wasn't struggling with those things, so I must be okay, right?

"Bella?" Edward called from the bedroom.

Snapping back to reality, I realized I was still standing in a towel in front of the mirror, holding the blow dryer and not doing anything with it. Christ, how long had I gapped out?

"I'm coming," I replied, throwing my wet hair into a ponytail and running out to change. "What time is it?" I asked, whipping off my towel as I stood in front of my bureau looking for a pair of underwear.

It wasn't until I heard an uncomfortable cough that I realized what I had done. I was used to being naked in front of everyone and he wasn't. When I looked over at him, he was trying not to look at me and his cheeks were so red they looked uncomfortable. He shifted his pants around too, which meant he was experiencing some discomfort somewhere else. I giggled internally. "Oops?" I said, turning back to my underwear drawer. If he's going to be around, he'd better get used to it. Right?

"Uh, I'm going to…I'll leave you to…oh, God. I'm sorry." He stuttered and stammered like a fourteen year-old boy. It was actually kind of cute. I watched as he stumbled to leave, stubbing his toe on the doorjamb, then I giggled as he cursed quietly.

_**Edward**_

I. JUST. SAW. BELLA. NAKED.

I'm in trouble.

She didn't seem the least bit fazed by it. My old Bella would have tried to crawl into herself, but I guess Bella V2.0 isn't bashful when it comes to her body.

My morning wood was back with a vengeance. I was in pain.

Jasper was sprawled out on the couch laughing at me when I left her room. "Did she just pull a clothing Houdini on you?"

I nodded.

He was still laughing. If I wasn't still in shock, I'd be annoyed with him. "You have the same look on your face that I did, the first time she disrobed in front of me."

I sank down on the couch beside him. "I mean, it's not like…I uh…hell, I've seen her naked a billion times, it just threw me off."

Jasper leaned over and patted my leg. "It'll be okay. It takes getting used to."

Bella flew out of her room, grabbed her coat and bag, leaned over to give Jasper a kiss on the cheek and grabbed my hand. "Come on, we have to go!"

"See you later, Jasper," I called out as I was dragged away.

"Hurry! I'm going to be late!"

I stopped in my tracks causing her to jerk back into me. "Calm down, Bella. You've got lots of time."

She let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, I'm really nervous and I'm spacey this morning. I didn't get enough sleep last night. I want to get there early enough so that I can sit and relax before meeting with her. This is really important, Edward. I'm doing my thesis proposal and I'm scared shitless that she's going to reject it."

I gave her a quick hug and pulled her toward the Volvo, where I opened her door, got her seated, and told her to breathe.

When we arrived on campus, I walked her to the faculty office and pulled her into a hug. "You're going to be great, Love."

She took a deep shuddering breath and whispered, "I hope so."

Tilting her chin so she was looking up at me, I smiled and gave her a kiss. "Breathe, Love. You've endured far worse. Call or text me later to let me know how you made out. I love you."

"I love you too." She pulled my head down so she could give me one last kiss and wow, what a kiss it was. Raw, feral, fearful, lustful, it ran the gamut.

I adjusted myself as she walked away. Would my dick ever calm down? Christ, just call me King Priapism because I seemed to be in a constant state of arousal ever since our date.

* * *

**_I know, after the last chapter this one seems tame by comparison. It can't be angsty all the time and there were some pretty big developments in this one._**

**_I realized after I posted the last couple of chapters that I hadn't included any recs. So, here's a list of what I've been reading lately (besides the TwiFans for Haiti anthology, which is brilliant, I might add.)_**

**_The Screamers_ by KiyaRaven (a perfect mix of hot, angsty, and sassy)  
_Eight Days a Week_ by 107yearoldvirgin (I BELIEVE in the power of THE DON!)  
_Femme Docs & Kevlar Knights _by A Cullen Wannabe  
_Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder_ by AdidasGirl28  
and last but definitely NOT least  
_GYNAZOLE_ by Mrs. TheKing (HILARIOUS! Do not read while eating or drinking)**

**_A HUGE thank you to everyone who donated to the TwiFans for Haiti fundraiser. It was a huge success. Over $75,000 was donated by Twifans to helping the people of Haiti. I said it before, I'll say it again, I feel honoured to be a part of such a wonderful community of caring people._**

**_For those who missed it, I will be posting my contribution after March 1st. _**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Ready for another chapter?_**

**_Big time thank you to the lovely Katmom who has devoted so much time and love to this story that I often feel like I'm monopolizing her, and Minnakoda, who has left me to go trekking around the other side of the world for three and a half weeks. Be safe, my friend. I miss you already. :(_**

**_I think you'll find the heartfail level on this chapter is light. Hope I'm not alienating anyone by giving you a break from the hurt.

* * *

_**

_**Bella**_

My legs bounced nervously as I sat in the hard wooden chair outside my advisor's office. She was running late and my nerves were seriously getting the best of me. I had almost worried a hole in my lip, and I was sure if she took much longer, I would have unraveled the entire sleeve of my sweater.

"Miss Swan?"

I jumped about six feet out of my seat at the sound of a friendly female voice. "Yes?"

"Dr. Garrett will see you now. Please come this way." The receptionist smiled warmly as she led me deep into the bowels of the English Department faculty offices. We stopped outside a heavy wooden door and she knocked lightly. "I'll leave you here. She'll be right with you."

"Thanks," I said nervously.

"Please come in, Miss Swan."

Breathe, Bella, in and out, in and out. You can do this. My pep talk continued as I opened the door and entered her inner sanctum.

"Wow." Gah! Did I just say wow? In front of my advisor? Damn it!

"I take it that you're surprised by my office?"

I nodded mutely as I soaked it all in. It was heaven. There were books everywhere, ridiculously amazing artwork, and two big comfy chairs.

"Please, come and sit. Can I get you some tea?"

Snapping out of my daze, I smiled meekly. "Tea would be lovely, thank you."

I took a moment to really get a look at the great Dr. Irina Garrett as she walked over to a teakettle I hadn't noticed on the other side of her desk. She was an impressive woman in as much as she exuded intelligence and confidence, but to look at her on the street, one might not understand her greatness by appearance alone. She was just a hair taller than I was, she was rounder, and had a head of wonderfully curly red hair. Horn-rimmed glasses dangled from a silver chain around her neck, and she wore a long skirt and well-loved sweater. She wasn't what I was expecting. I had heard students complain that she was tough, but she didn't come off as tough at all. In fact, I found myself wanting to curl up in the chairs with her and discuss classic literature for an afternoon.

"Do you have a preference, dear?"

Dear? Wow. A sudden rush of sadness crashed over me as I longed to hear my mother call me dear, or to even hear Esme say it. Dr. Garrett reminded me of a composite of the two and I feared I might throw myself at her for a hug, or fall apart.

"Ms. Swan?"

"Oh, sorry. Um, surprise me?"

She laughed. Even her laugh was warm. "Oh, you really shouldn't have said that. I have about fifty different kinds of tea from all over the world."

I thought for a moment. "Why don't we start at the beginning? Do it alphabetically." I suggested.

Her laugh deepened. "I like you already, Miss Swan. Okay, we'll start with A." She rummaged around and found what she was looking for, dropped a couple of bags into the mugs, and walked back over, a big smile on her face. "No peeking. What do you think it is?"

"I hope it's not aardvark flavoured," I joked.

"Oh, you are a little spitfire, aren't you?" she joked as she passed me a steaming mug.

It was hard to hide the blush creeping up my cheeks. I dipped my head down and inhaled some of the steam. I swore I could feel my synapses firing off in ecstasy. My eyes grew large and I smiled from behind the porcelain novelty mug. "Is this almond?"

Dr. Garrett nodded. "You are a smart cookie, aren't you, Miss Swan."

After taking a sip, I asked her to cut the formalities. "If it's okay with you, Dr. Garrett, I'd prefer if you would call me Bella."

"Okay, Bella, let's get down to the real nitty gritty. Pitch me your ideas."

I took another sip of my heavenly mug of tea to try and steady my nerves which had suddenly reappeared, and it seems they had brought friends. "Well, Dr. Garrett…"

"Please, since we're cutting the formalities, I'd prefer if you'd call me Irina."

"Okay, Irina. I had initially planned to write a novel or at least a novella about a single woman working at an adult video store and the people she encounters. I've worked at one now for the past couple of years and I've met some fascinating characters."

Irina laughed. "I'm sure you have; however, I'm sensing a BUT here."

I sighed as I set down the comforting warmth of the mug I had been clinging to. "But, I don't know anymore. I mean, I've got reams of pages written already, stuff like character sketches, scene ideas, but…well, my heart isn't in it."

She leaned toward me, set down her mug and placed a hand on my knee. "What's troubling you, dear?"

"Nothing, really." Blarg…I'm such a bad liar.

Leaning back in her chair, she shook her head. "Bella, I'm not stupid."

"Oh no! I never intended for you to think that I think that you're stupid. God, I'm rambling. This isn't going the way I had hoped." I could feel the tears welling up and the urge to run screaming and never look back was gaining strength. Panic began to set in and I fumbled around (in my purse/bag?) for my pills until a warm hand and an understanding smile stopped me.

"Stay, Bella. Just give me a second." Irina reached for the phone on her desk and dragged it toward her by the cord. She smiled. "I'm lazy."

I liked the woman sitting before me immensely. She and I were going to be a good team.

"Rebecca, dear, please cancel the rest of my morning appointments and reschedule them. Something important has come up."

"Oh, Irina, you didn't need to…" I started to protest when she hung up the phone, but she raised a hand to stop me.

"Shhh, Bella, you ARE important. They can wait. So, before we begin, can I refresh your hot water?"

I nodded. Irina took my mug, and I watched as she walked back toward the kettle. "Thank you."

She bowed slightly and smiled as she handed the hot mug to me. "So, Bella," she said as she sat back down in her big comfy chair, "what's YOUR story?"

"I'm sure there's probably something in my file about _my story_, Irina," I answered, hoping I wouldn't have to go too deeply into it.

"The only things I read in a student's file are name, age, and their portfolio submissions. I'm not big on giving grades much credence. The truth is in the work, and yours is good."

"You really have no idea?" This shocked me to no end. It seemed like EVERYONE on campus knew my story, or at least part of it.

"Nope. Enlighten me if you will, my dear."

"God, where do I begin?"

"Why don't we do a little, _getting to know you_ game?" When I nodded, she continued. "Full name?"

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"Birthday and age?"

"September 13, 1986. I'll be 23 on Sunday, but don't tell anyone. I'm not real big on birthdays." I had a feeling that something was afoot.

"Where were you born?" she asked, sipping at her tea.

"Forks, Washington."

Irina laughed and stomped her foot. "There's really a place called Forks? How wonderful!"

"I'm glad you find it funny. Frankly, I think it should have been called Galoshes or Umbrella because it's the rainiest place in the continental US."

When she had composed herself, Irina continued. "Parents?"

I took a deep breath. I knew this one would be coming. "Charlie and Renee Swan. Dad was the Chief of Police, my mom taught kindergarten."

"I'm sensing something is amiss," she said quietly.

When I spoke, it sounded so void of emotion that it scared me. It didn't sound like me. "They died."

"Oh dear, I'm sorry. Was it recently?"

"It was five years ago. We were in a car accident. A logging truck hit us. They all died instantly." I realized after that my response was robotic and staccato and I probably sounded like a moron. I began chewing on my lip and my leg began to bounce.

"Was there anyone else in the car?"

I nodded as I grabbed my mug of tea. I tried unsuccessfully to hide behind it. She reached over and pulled it down and away from my face. "Do you want to stop, Bella?" she asked gently.

Fully knowing that I needed to be able to talk about it, I shook my head. "It was me, mom, dad, and my two year-old daughter, Emma."

Irina got off her seat, crouched in front of me and held out her arms. I allowed her to hug me, I allowed her to comfort me, and I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of this stranger. Maybe I WAS making progress.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. So young to suffer such a great loss." She rubbed my back as she spoke. "I knew we would be kindreds."

I pulled back. "What do you mean?"

"I could feel your pain in your writing, Bella, and I knew that you had experienced something horrible. You hide it well, though."

"You've lost me," I said, wiping away a tear.

"I am also a grieving mother. I lost my son Jacob in a drowning accident ten years ago. He was five."

"I'm so sorry, Irina," I said, taking her hands in my own.

"I had a feeling that we were kindreds. I think we were fated to work together. I believe that we're going to help one another. So," she said, sitting back down, "how did you manage to survive?"

Wow, that was blunt. "Uh, well, I almost didn't, which leads to the extra notes in my file. I suffered a closed head injury and was in a coma for a while. The doctors told my other family, Emma's other grandparents and her father, that I would more than likely die, and I found out recently that they suggested that I be unplugged from life support. Thankfully, Emma's grandfather Carlisle is a doctor and knew better. When I didn't die, they said that I'd never function normally again."

"You proved them wrong."

"Yeah, my dad always said I was stubborn," I said, chuckling a little.

"What lasting effects have you had to deal with?"

"I'm forgetful; my short-term memory isn't good so if you see me writing things down obsessively, that's why. My motor skills are bad when I'm overtired. I am prone to having seizures—not often, but they happen enough that my license has been revoked. I struggle with other things too, but it's manageable for the most part. I managed to get my degree in three and a half years and graduated with honours, so I guess I'm not intellectually impaired."

"Impressive. You are strong, Bella. I expect great things from you. Now, if this next question is too personal, tell me to sod off. I'll explain why I'm asking after. So, what happened with Emma's father?"

If she had asked me this question a month ago, I might have fallen apart, but not now. I spoke aloud and without sadness. "He left."

"When?"

"When I was in a coma. I woke up and the four people I loved most were gone."

"You surprise me," she said after a pregnant pause.

"Why's that?"

"You speak of your parents and child and you shrink, yet when you speak of this great betrayal you grow. What am I missing?"

I smiled. "He came back."

"When?"

I blushed. "A couple of weeks ago."

"And you've forgiven him?"

I nodded. "I still love him."

She smiled sadly and reached for a photograph on her desk, which she handed to me. Three happy people smiled back at me; a younger Irina, a little boy who I assumed to be Jacob, and a handsome young man. "James left me after Jacob died. He blamed me, so he left. If he were to return, I would not be as forgiving as you, my dear. The years have hardened me."

"I wasn't sure I would take Edward back either, but he made me feel something I hadn't felt since I got into my parents' car that day: alive.

"We're trying to work through it. I've been so numb that I don't think I ever dealt with losing my family."

Irina shifted in her seat so her hand was on my knee again. "I go to a group for parents who've lost a child. You two might benefit from it. I know have." She took the photo from me and smiled wistfully. "I still miss him every day, but it does get easier over time.

"I'm sorry I've made our first consultation into a therapy session, but there's a method to my madness. I want to find your passions, the things you love, hate, and feel strongly about. So, before our next session, I want you to do character sketches of the players in your life, both dead and alive. I want physical and emotional attributes. I want you to dig deep and I need you to be honest."

"But my thesis?"

"Oh, the places we will go with this." Irina jumped up and hugged me. "Bella, darling, you are going to prove everyone wrong again."

"I don't understand." And I really didn't. What was she going on about?

"I know you don't know me from Adam, dear," she said, not aware of how hilarious that statement was, "but can you trust me?"

"I…I hope so?" I tried to sound convincing, but I really think I failed miserably. What was this woman going on about?

"Good, now get out of here and get to class or work or wherever. I will see you in two weeks. E-mail me if you need help or give me a call." She wrote phone numbers on the back of a business card. "My cell number is there, and so is the number of the woman who runs the support group. Call me anytime; even if it's because you're having a crappy day and want to talk about it. Got it?"

I nodded and smiled at her. "Thanks."

She called out to me again as I walked out the door. "Oh, and Happy Birthday, Bella. Don't hide from it; celebrate it. The fates saved you for a reason and you should show some thanks."

"See you soon, Irina," I replied, shaking my head. I wondered what I had gotten myself into with her as an advisor. She seemed like a loose cannon to me, and not at all like the stickler, hard-ass professor everyone had said she was.

I mulled over what had just happened as I walked toward my next class. This was certainly going to an interesting journey.

_**Emmett**_

I woke to the most glorious sight in the world: the satisfied, glowing face of my Rosie. She blinked sleepily at me and smiled as she stretched.

"Oh," she grunted.

"Are you okay?" I asked, worried.

"Mm, I'm perfect, just a little, uh, sore. It's been a while since someone's loved me that thoroughly."

My ego stood up and took a bow. "I'm glad you're okay. I kind of lost control once or twice."

She laughed quietly. "Once or twice? Sweet merciful fuck, Emmett, I don't think I've ever come that many times in the span of one night, hell, I'd be willing to bet I've never come that many times in my entire life! I saw stars so many times I was starting to think I was at the planetarium." She smiled before leaning in for a kiss.

"God," I groaned, "I wish I could call in sex and stay here with you all day."

"Did you mean to say _call in sick_?"

"Nope." I smiled evilly at her as I ground my morning wood against her thigh. "I meant _calling in sex_ so then I could stay in bed all day sexing you up, and then I wouldn't be lying. I hate lying."

"Damn it, Emmett, put that thing to good use or put it away. Don't tease me." She groaned before trying to pull away from me.

"How's about we take a shower together to save time and water." My left eyebrow arched reflexively and I gave her a single-dimpled smile.

She was up and running toward the bathroom before I realized what was going on. "Hurry!" she called out.

I looked to the heavens and crossed myself, thanking the big guy upstairs for sending me an angel, a sexy one with a sexual appetite that matched my own.

After our shower, I left her primping in the bathroom and went to make some breakfast. Sadly, I wouldn't be making anything too extravagant because I needed to get to work and she needed to be dropped off at her apartment. So, instant oatmeal and fresh mango would have to do.

I threw together some sandwiches for lunch, grabbed some juice boxes and made a mental note to remind Edward to buy some damn groceries. Since Bella had come back into the picture, he'd been shirking his house wench duties.

Warm hands snaked under my polo shirt and massaged my abs. "Hi, baby," I said, looking back at my beautiful girl.

"Mm, is that mango? I love mango."

I reached over and grabbed a piece and turned around to feed her. She ran her tongue along its slippery surface before sucking it into her mouth. A rumbling noise surrounded us, and I was shocked to realize that I was the source. "Rosie, behave. I have to go and mold the fragile minds of America's impressionable second graders. I can't do that if all I can think about is your mouth on that mango, which inevitably will lead to me picturing your mouth around my cock."

The playfulness in her eyes dimmed before she tried to move away from me. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Aw, Rosie, it's not like that. Don't be mad." I scrambled to make things better. She really looked bummed out. Me and my stupid big mouth.

She took a bowl of oatmeal and sat at the table, pulling her feet up on the chair so her chin rested on her knees. She stared sadly, as she stirred the lumpy contents of her breakfast. I moved to her side and put my arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kitten."

"No." She shook her head, blonde hair whipping around her face, hiding it from me. "It's not that. I'm just…blarg."

"Blarg?"

"Yeah, I'm…I'm blarg. I'm not used to feeling like this. I'm confused?" Her eyes peered through the curtain of blonde silk and cut through me as she ended her statement with a question mark. I could see she was feeling conflicted about something.

"What is it? You can tell me," I implored as I grabbed my bowl of oatmeal and sat beside her. "Please?"

My angel sighed before setting down her spoon. "I…I've never felt like this before. I mean, the only other relationship that lasted any time at all was with Royce and I NEVER felt like this around him. EVER! The thought of being away from you makes me sad. I mean, I felt it with you before today, but now…now it's worse. I'm scared."

Wow. This was a heavy discussion to be having over crappy old instant oatmeal. "What are you scared of, Kitten?"

"I'm scared this was all a dream. I'm scared that when you drop me off it'll be over. I'm feeling…insecure?" She looked down again before lifting her eyes to meet mine again. "I'm NEVER insecure, Emmett, and I don't like it. It's freaking me out. I am Rosalie Hale and I am an over-confident, ball-breaking bitch, well, I was until today."

My hand moved to thread itself in her hair. Mm, I wish I could bottle the feel of it between my fingers to keep with me all day. It was so soothing. "I'm not going anywhere, Rosie. I'm going to work and you're going to your macro economics class. I will pick you up after school and I will take you someplace special for dinner because I love you and because my baby brother hasn't bought groceries in a while."

She sighed, and smiled a little. "I love you too. I just wish I could keep you with me all day."

Suddenly I had an idea. "Hold on, don't move." I ran to Edward's music room and grabbed what I needed and ran back. "Lift your shirt, please."

Looking at me like I was nuts, Rosie silently complied with my strange request. I leaned in and sucked on a spot just under her left breast. She wriggled and squealed when I bit down. "Emmett! What are you doing?"

When I was sufficiently satisfied, I took the Sharpie marker I'd grabbed from the music room and drew a heart around the hickey, then signed my name. "There, you get to carry me with you for the next few days."

I felt a light slap on the top of my head before she launched herself at me, her lips mashing so hard onto mine that our teeth crashed together painfully.

"Okay, I need to finish my breakfast and we need to get out of here. The kids are not forgiving when their teacher is tardy."

*****

"Mr. Cullen?"

Rosalie Cullen. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

"Mr. Cullen?"

A ring. Someday I'd buy her a ring and she'd really be mine.

"MR. CULLEN!"

Oh shit. The kids. "Yes, Noah?"

"I have to pee!"

The poor little guy was dancing in front of my desk, hand holding his crotch. "Why didn't you go at recess, little man?" The rules were pretty strict at this school about kids wandering the halls during class time. Someone had to go with him and I didn't have the heart to ask my assistant to take him. She was having a hard time with Cody, one of my two Autism Spectrum kids. He frustrated easily because he was virtually non-verbal, and although he was probably one of the most intelligent kids in my class, he just couldn't express it. I felt bad for him, and went easy on him on the bad days.

"Carmen?"

She looked up, hair all disheveled, looking frazzled. "Would you mind watching over the flock for a minute? They're just doing their spelling exercises."

"No problem, Mr. Cullen. Go ahead."

I addressed my lambs. "Okay, all eyes up, please. Jaden? Kaitlyn? Eyes on Mr. Cullen for a moment. Can you keep working on your spelling while I step out for a minute? If Miss Carmen tells me that you were good, we'll have an extra story, okay?"

A loud sing-songy chorus of "Yes, Mr. Cullen" rang out.

"Okay, I'm counting on you guys. Be good for Miss Carmen and I'll be right back."

Noah was practically doing the big finale from Riverdance by the time we got to the hall. "Mr. Cullen, I can't hold it…"

I reached down, grabbed him like a football and sprinted down the hall to the bathroom, praying that he wouldn't let go all over me. I flung open the door and deposited him in front of the tiny little urinal. "Go to it, buddy. I'll be in the hall if you need me."

"Fanks, Mr. Cullen." Noah said, dropping his pants. I had to laugh when I heard him sigh in relief. I REALLY had to stifle the chuckles when I heard him singing:

_Tinkle tinkle little pee,_

_Now I see you leaving me_

_Down the pipes, and down the drain_

_Like little drops of yellow rain_

_Tinkle tinkle little pee_

_Now you're all gone from me_

My God, these kids are cute.

Noah smiled up at me when he came out of the bathroom. "Did you wash your hands?" I asked.

He nodded his head, his shaggy brown hair flopping into his eyes. "Yes, sir."

"Good job. Back to class now. I owe you guys some stories."

My kids were all sitting quietly, writing in their little dictation books when we returned. "Miss Carmen, how were they?"

Carmen looked up and smiled. "Wonderful, not a peep out of any of them."

"Awesome! So, who wants a story?"

Mayhem ensued as the kids scrambled to run to the reading carpet. I grabbed the book that had quickly become a favourite and a cheer went up around the room.

"Before we read _Alligator Pie_ again, does anyone know any other poems?"

A couple of small hands shot up. "Brittany, you can go first."

Brittany, a tiny little redhead that often made me think of Emma, stood up, cleared her throat, and began:

"_One, two, buckle my shoe_

_Three, four, shut the door_

_Five, six pick up sticks_

_Seven, eight lay them straight_

_Nine, ten, do it again_

_One, two…"_

I cut her off. "That's great, Brittany. Mackenzie, you had your hand up, go ahead."

The blond-haired boy stood up, took a nervous breath and mumbled something about his mom telling it to him.

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_Sugar is sweet_

_And so are you_

Roses. My Rosie. She was a goddess. I wondered how she was doing and if she was thinking about how I did her up against the wall…

"Mr. Cullen? Hello? Mr. Cullen?"

"What? Oh, sorry. Good job, Mackenzie. How about I get started on _Alligator Pie_?"

"YAY!" they all chorused in their sweet soprano voices.

At least reading this would keep my mind off Rosie's hot ass. "Okay, _Alligator Pie_ by Dennis Lee…"

_**Edward**_

Imagine my surprise on Wednesday afternoon when I found Alice Brandon sitting on my front doorstep. It was hard to tell if she was there as a friend or foe and I really wasn't sure how to approach her. Was she going to ask me to leave Bella alone again? Were things between us improving to the point where we might be friends? Nah, too soon for that. Maybe Bella…Bella! Maybe something bad happened to Bella.

I rushed out of my car and ran over to her. "Is Bella okay? What happened?"

She rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry at me. "Bella's fine. My God, are you always this high strung? I don't know how she puts up with it. No, Bella's fine. I am, however, here on Bella business."

Shielding my balls with one hand and protecting my face with the other, I slid by her toward the door. "I didn't do anything, I swear."

"No, not yet, but no, this is important Bella business. Can we go inside?"

I unlocked the door and motioned for her to enter. "Can I get you a drink? A snack?"

"Mm…" she paused to think, her chin resting on her tiny hand. "Water would be fine. I can't stay long, I have to work. Bella is doing a huge order before closing tonight and she wants everyone there so she's positive everyone knows what they're doing once she's gone. Her last shift is tomorrow, you know."

"Ice?" I asked, holding up her glass.

"Please." She hopped up on the breakfast bar, her tiny legs dangling over the edge.

"So, tomorrow is REALLY her last day?" I passed a full glass of ice water to Alice and fixed one for myself. "As in REALLY?"

"Yup. She's offered to help during the holiday rush if we need her, but we're going to try to do without her. She deserves a break. She's worked every Christmas since she started there. I thought maybe if you two were still, you know, hanging out, that you might want to do something, like maybe go see your folks or something." Alice crunched down on an ice cube. "So, Bella's birthday is Sunday and you've gone and booked her for the WHOLE weekend. How are we supposed to have a party for her if she's with you?"

Ah, more territorial pissing. "Alice, I was going to talk to you about that. I only booked it off so she'd be free. I was going to suggest doing something Saturday night. I can take her out to dinner while you guys set it up."

"A surprise party?" Her eyebrows shot up under her black hair and her lips quirked into a smile.

"Of sorts. You know she's going to kill us, right?"

"Oh yeah, totally. So, you'd entertain her while we're being all devious?"

"It would be a most terrible thing for me to do, but I'll sacrifice some of my precious time to keep Bella busy." I rolled my eyes. "Of course I don't mind. Don't be foolish. So, can we do this?"

Alice jumped down from the counter and hugged me. "I'm still convinced that Bella deserves better, but you're worming your way in—a little. You're not off the hook yet, Mister. You still betrayed her and I'm not as forgiving as she is."

"I understand."

"Good. I'm going to brainstorm with Rosie and Angela and I'll let you know what the plan is."

I mock saluted her. "Aye, aye, Cap'n."

"Smart ass. Okay, Operation Bella Bash is in full effect. I will be in touch."

And with that, Alice skipped out of my house, out to her car, and sped off down the road, leaving a cloud of dust and a very confused me in her wake. Was Alice warming up to me? A man can hope.

I grabbed my messenger bag and walked to the music room, where I sat at my piano. Unlike my classmates, I actually had a baby grand piano at my house so I didn't have to spend hours upon hours hiding in a stuffy, stinky, practice suite on campus.

After grabbing the sheet music from my folder, I cracked my knuckles before diving into a little Für Elise. Beethoven wasn't too bad, and this piece would be a good warm up. A lot of the pieces mentioned in the syllabus were pretty elementary, at least to me, and common in terms of classical music. I referred to it as "commercial classical" because these were the most commonly known songs, ones used in car commercials.

The only song on the syllabus that really bothered me was Clair de Lune. I should have known it would be on there and I wasn't sure I was ready to perform it in front of anyone, even if it was just my professor. I would have to figure something out, maybe if I pled my case he'd let me off.

It felt good to become a slave to the music and just let go. My mind had been preoccupied with Bella since her outburst on Sunday. She constantly insisted that she was fine, but her quick recovery was suspect. I hadn't seen her since I dropped her off on Monday at her advisor's meeting. When we spoke that night she said that it went well and was nothing like what she was expecting. When I pushed for her to elaborate, she shrugged it off and said that she'd tell me later. I hoped that it really did go well, and I really felt that we needed to talk about what happened on Sunday. Frankly, finding the right time was going to be a challenge; I didn't want to ruin her birthday weekend with more drama.

Like a couple of ridiculous teenagers in love, we stayed on the phone until she was dozing off on Monday and Tuesday nights, talking about our days. Any time I tried to talk to her about what had happened, she deflected to another, less serious topic, or she suddenly had to pee. If she seriously urinated that much in the run of an evening, I would be worried about the health of her bladder and kidneys.

It was hard being away from her and I wished desperately that I could be there with her, but I knew that she needed time, and as much as it hurt to be away from her, I would give her what she needed, and I would do it right this time.

And then there's this business with her birthday. What am I going to give her? Seriously, what do I have, or what could I buy that would be perfect? It had to be just right; I needed to make up for five years of lost time.

Crap, I had been over-thinking everything the whole time I had been trying to get lost in the music. Damn it. Maybe Beethoven wasn't as mind numbing as I had thought.

Then, like a bolt of lightning, inspiration hit me and I knew what to do for Bella's present.

* * *

**_So? Thoughts? Ideas?_**

**_You'll have to wait a while to find out what Bella's present is going to be._**

**_For those missing the drama, there's some coming up in the next chapter, so hold tight. _****_Reviews will get you a sneak peek. :)_**

**_Hmm...which fics do I rec this week?_**

**Everlong by SydneyAlice  
Hints of Me by 22blue  
Grasping Darkness by Kiya Raven**

**and last but definitely not least...**

**Blood Moon by chasingmymuse --it's her first fic...check her out :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**_I want to give massive high-fives, fist bumps, noogies, and hugs to Katmom, who finds the time to help me make this story presentable between all her other superwoman duties, and a HUGE I MISS YOU to Minnakoda, who was gracious enough to work her butt off before going away and leaving me without her awesomeness for three and a half weeks. I don't mean to get all Kelly Clarkson on you, but my life sucks without you and your drunken e-mailing while I'm at work. :(_**

**_And then there's AidanMomma...there are no words in my vocabulary to thank you for loving this story enough to spend time doing the incredible photos you've done for Encore. I've been a big fan of the ones you did for Virgy, and I am beyond honoured that you made some for me._**

**_Hold onto your hats, folks...you're in for a bumpy ride.

* * *

_**

_**Alice**_

I sprinted into the store, hoping I had beat Bella there. "Adam, quick, is Bella here yet?"

He shook his head. "No, what's up?"

"You need to keep this on the down-low, big time, because if she finds out she'll murder us all."

Adam rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Ooh, this sounds good."

"Bella's birthday is Sunday."

The shit-eating grin on his face fell. "That's it? I thought you were going to tell me that she finally came to her senses and chose me. So," he said, jumping up on the stool and twirling around. "What's wrong with Bella's birthday?"

I hopped up on the counter and kicked my legs back and forth as I spoke. "Well, Einstein, Bella hates celebrating her birthday and we're planning a surprise party for her. Are you free Saturday night?"

"Want me to occupy her?" he asked, winking at me.

"No, God, you're persistent. Edward is taking her out andthen we're going to surprise the shit out of her. Hopefully she doesn't have a seizure."

"What? That could really happen? Maybe you…" he looked panicked and I just shook my head in disbelief.

The electronic door chime went off and Bella walked in. She looked tired, but otherwise happy. I wondered if perhaps she wasn't sleeping again, or having nightmares and hiding it from us.

She smiled at us as she walked behind the counter and dropped her backpack. "Hi, honey, I'm home," she joked.

Adam laughed a little too loudly. Man, I was starting to seriously rethink ever pushing him toward Bella. Being the intuitive that she was, Bella caught onto his bullshit and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Someone took his sycophant pill today, didn't they, Adam?"

Oh yeah, sarcastic Bella was in the house in full force. Tonight might be fun.

"We'll wait for the others before we start. I asked Jazzy to pick up pizza on his way here. So," she continued, turning to Adam, "how're you making out?"

I winced because I saw the mischievous look in his eye and she had stepped right into it. I mentally willed him to let it slide, but he didn't.

"How am I making out? I daresay I've not made out in a long time. Are you offering?"

I watched as Bella's shocked expression quickly faded to annoyance. "Adam…I don't…I can't…OUTSIDE! NOW!"

Oh shit, Bella was pissed. Adam was in trouble.

_**Bella**_

I was tired, annoyed, and about to lose my shit. I had put up with Adam's digs, commentary, double entendres, and ass-kissing long enough. His cocky attitude seemed to drop as soon as we stepped outside, in fact, I think he might have actually been afraid of me at that moment, and he rightly should be.

"You, sir, are still very much on probation. I could fire your ass right now and not feel the least bit guilty about it. I hired a nice guy. I don't know who _this,_" I said, pointing at him, "_this_ piece of shit is."

He faltered to find words. "But…"

"But nothing, Adam. I don't know what happened or who told you that you could be a jackass. I'm still your boss and I thought, maybe, your friend, but I'm starting to second guess everything. If you can't respect me, how can I leave my store in your hands? Will you treat the clients like this?"

I could feel my blood pressure rising and I didn't care. I stomped back and forth in front of him, hoping to find the answer to his sudden shift in attitude. Wait—this started when…

"Fuck me gently, Jebus, you're jealous! This all started when Edward…oh, this is priceless."

"Bella, wait," he said, grabbing my arm. "I'm sorry. You're right, I AM jealous. I really like you."

"You can't like me because you don't know me." I practically spat in his face as I pulled my arm out of his grip. "You know nothing about me!"

He paused momentarily before he spoke again. "I know enough to know that I wouldn't have hurt you the way he did. I wouldn't have left you in alone in a coma. I wouldn't have run if our baby died. I know enough to know that you'd be better off with me. I would never hurt you."

An atomic bomb could have gone off and I would have been oblivious at that moment. When the initial shock of what he said wore off, I saw red. "HOW DARE YOU!" I slapped him clear across that ruggedly handsome jaw of his. "Who told you about that? Have you been spying on me?"

When he didn't answer, I asked again as I fisted my hands in his shirt. "WHO. TOLD. YOU?"

The front door opened, Alice stepped out and all of a sudden it made sense. I pushed her aside, went back into the store, wrote a note, grabbed my bag and stormed back out. I shoved the note angrily at Alice. She rocked back on her heels.

"_I quit, Bella Swan._" She read the note quietly. "Bella? What's going on?"

Whirling around, I pointed a shaking finger at my supposed best friend. "You had NO fucking right to tell him ANYTHING about me, especially not about Emma." I choked on a sob. "How could you, Alice? You're my best friend!"

I was sobbing in full-blown meltdown mode at that point and babbling incoherently. Jasper ran up, thrust the hot pizza boxes at Adam, who promptly dropped them, and pulled me to him. "Shh, Bells, what's going on?"

"I want…home…please," was all I managed to get out. My lungs were burning and I just wanted to go home and hide.

"Alice, what the…?"

"Just take her home. Please." I didn't need to see her to know that she was crying. "I'm sorry, Bella. I was upset…"

Jasper started swearing. "Oh shit. Alice, get in the store. I told you this would end badly." He started leading me toward the car and settled me into the passenger seat, buckling my seatbelt for me because I didn't have the strength at that moment to do it for myself. I felt so empty and betrayed.

Once we were on the road, Jasper asked if I wanted him to call Edward. I shook my head no. "I just want to be alone, Jazzy."

"I'm not leaving you, Bells," he said as he took my hand in his. "I tried to stop her. I'm not going to defend her this time, Bella. She knew what she was doing, but in true stubborn Alice form, she forged ahead. I'm so sorry."

I sniffled and laid my head back against the headrest. "It's not your fault. I'm just tired of being treated like a child."

"She doesn't want you to get hurt again. We've had this discussion before, Bella; she internalizes your pain. Keep in mind, this was the day after your seizure and she'd had words with both you and Edward and she was upset and wired for detonation. I don't think she was thinking logically."

"You're making excuses for her," I croaked.

Jasper reached under his seat and pulled out a bottle of water. "Here. Hey, don't look at me like that, it's fresh. I just don't happen to have cup holders."

I laughed as I uncapped the bottle. "Thanks." My throat was really dry and raw from yelling.

He was silent until we pulled into the driveway. After turning off the ignition, he turned to me and brushed some hair off my cheek. "Are you okay, Bells?"

"Yeah, I am."

"I'm proud of you, darlin'," he said, smiling at me.

"Why would you be proud of me? I just made a scene at the store, told off Adam and your fiancée. Oh shit, I slapped Adam, Jazzy!"

He laughed and patted my cheek. "Good for you!" When he sobered up, he explained why he was proud, and after hearing his reasoning, I was kind of proud too. "You didn't take one single pill during the whole exchange, or even after."

I pondered it for a moment. "Wow, you're right."

"How're you feeling?" He cocked his blond mop to one side.

I took mental inventory of how I was feeling. "Hmm…well, I'm angry at Alice for betraying me. I'm sad for the aforementioned reason. I'm annoyed that Adam turned into a douchebag because I thought he and I could be friends. I'm thankful that you came along before I made you a widower. I'm exhausted," I paused to take a drink of water, "because I'm not used to feeling so much, and now I'm hungry because I didn't get any of the pizza you brought to the store."

"You didn't mention anxious."

I smiled at him and felt the salty residue of my tears cracking on my cheeks. "No, I didn't feel anxious at all. I was too angry."

Jasper held up a hand for a high-five. "Hello breakthrough! This is great, Bella. I think you might actually be starting the five steps of grieving. Anger. Numero uno. Good job!"

Was he right? Hmm…that's food for thought.

Right on cue, my stomach rumbled reminding me that I needed some food for my belly.

"Let's go back to the store and get some of that pizza before Adam eats it all," I suggested with a smile.

_**Alice**_

God, what had I done? Jasper had warned me and I didn't listen; my best friend hates me and that idiot Adam is watching me fall apart.

Tyler chose that moment to show up and the poor guy had no clue what was going on. "Where are Bella and Jasper? Why is there pizza on the ground? Why is Alice crying?" he asked, turning to Adam.

Adam shrugged as he rubbed his jaw ruefully. "Dude, I have no idea what just happened. I don't even know if I still have a job."

I grabbed the pizza and motioned for the guys to join me in the store. "Uh, Tyler, I'm pretty sure that tonight's session is cancelled."

"What the hell did I miss?"

"Arma-fucking-geddon, dude. Bella just totally wigged out on us. She slapped me!"

Tyler moved his attention to Adam, taking a slightly defensive stance. "What did you do to her? I've worked here for two years and have never seen Bella Swan lose her cool, even with The Stroker."

We all three shuddered. "I, uh, met him this morning. That guy is NASTY," Adam said, shuddering again.

"Okay, now that we've all properly lost our appetites, what happened with Bella? What did you do?" Tyler tightened his defensive pose. He could have been a bouncer at a club. I actually felt a small tremor of fear run through me as he glared at Adam and me.

"Personal stuff, Tyler, just leave it. I'll deal with it," I said, not wanting to get into it.

Turning to my left, he shifted his glare onto Adam. "I know you've got it hard for her, man, but please tell me you didn't try anything on her."

Adam's hands went up defensively. "I didn't touch her. I was joking around with her and she got upset. I think I took it a little too far, that's all."

I shook my head. "This is all my fault. I tried to push Adam on her and I had no right."

"I didn't mind," Adam piped up as he held a bottle of water up to his jaw. "Man, she's got quite the hand. I think it's going to bruise."

Tyler turned, set his sweater down and grabbed a drink from the mini bar. "I sure as hell hope so," he muttered.

Exhausted, I slid down the smooth white surface of the cabinet door until I was sitting on the floor . I pulled my knees up and rested my forehead on them, trying to figure out how to fix the mess I've made of everything. I knew I was pushing too hard, but I couldn't stop. I knew she was happy with Edward, but I was too scared to let it be.

Tyler put his arm around my shoulder. "Shh…Alice, it'll be okay. I don't know what's going on, but it'll be okay. Do you want me to call Jasper and ask him to come and get you?"

I shook my head. "He's with Bella. She needs him more than I do."

"Want to go to the park and catch your breath? Get some fresh air? We can leave the bruised wonder to deal with the clients."

I nodded this time. "Please. Thanks, Tyler."

He smiled when I looked up at him. "Any time, Alice. You do realize that I'm good for something other than filling in for you guys all the time, right?"

A wave of guilt splashed over me. I tried to apologize but he wouldn't allow it. "It's okay, Ali. You've covered for me a lot, too. Come on, let's go."

He grabbed another bottle of water and held out his arm. "Hey, Adam, I'm taking Ali out for some air. Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

He nodded and winced in reply.

Tyler led me outside, into the cool early evening air. When I shivered, he ran back to get my sweater.

"Thanks."

"No problem. So, do you want to tell me what the hell has been going on? Bella's been like a yo-yo—deliriously happy to devastatingly depressed back to giddy delirium. You, my perpetually happy little sprite, have been moody, morose, and melancholy at the best of times. I feel like I've stepped into the freaking Twilight Zone or something."

"What's up with the wicked, wonderful alliteration, Tyler?" I teased.

"Are you forgetting that I'm an English major?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"Oh yeah," I said, smiling. Then I sighed. "Where do you want me to begin?"

It was his reaction that made me realize that I didn't really know Tyler as well as I wanted to. He let go of my arm, danced ahead and began to sing in a Maria Von Trapp falsetto: "let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Tyler, you never cease to amaze me."

He smiled widely, his brown eyes shining. "I'm multi-talented, baby, what can I say? Anyway, spill it, pixie."

We walked over to a bench under a big tree and sat. "You know all about Bella's accident and all that mess, so I won't tell you again, not to mention telling that story is part of my current problem."

I watched him cringe. "You told surfer boy, didn't you?"

I nodded.

"Why? It wasn't your story to tell. I'd be pissed too." He shook his head in dismay. "You're her best friend, Alice. I would have thought you'd know better than that."

My chest seized up for a second. "I know! I was mad."

"Why would you tell him that if you were mad? What would you gain from that?"

"The guy, Emma's father, he's back. They're back together. I was pissed."

Tyler turned around and pulled one long leg up onto the bench and rested his head on his bent knee, pondering what I had just said. "But," he finally said, "what does that have to do with Mr. Wonderful? Ah, you were trying to set them up, weren't you?" He ran a hand over his close-cropped afro. "Oh geez, Alice, didn't you learn anything from when you tried to set me up with that girl from your marketing class? Mary? Was that her name?" he shuddered. "I thought we'd agreed that you wouldn't try that again." He shuddered…again.

"How was I supposed to know that she had a massive collection of Cabbage Patch Dolls that she pretended were real babies? How would I have known she'd threaten to sue you for paternity payments?"

He laughed. "How would you know? You get to know the person, Alice. You know what your problem is? You jump first, ask questions later, and then you end up in a mess."

I looked at my shoes and wiped at a spot of dirt. He was right.

"Alice?" he asked, poking my shoulder. "Are you avoiding me because you know I'm right?"

I nodded.

"So do you want to explain how Adam ended up in this mess? How he ended up a pawn in this disaster?"

Frustration forced a loud sigh from me and I felt my shoulders slumping in defeat. "He came along at the perfect time. Edward showed up and even though Bella was falling apart, I saw it in her eyes and knew that I had to step in—call it an Alice Intervention."

"You saw what?" He reached over and took my hand. I pulled it away. I didn't deserve to be comforted. I fucked up majorly.

"Beneath the anger, the fear, the rejection, the heartfail, she still loved him and I knew she'd run right back to him if he'd take her." I straightened my posture as I looked him in the eye. "You have no fucking idea how hard our lives have been living with her for the past four years. No fucking clue. We love her so much we have essentially given up on our own happiness to ensure hers."

"Do you regret it?"

I fixed my gaze on his chocolate brown eyes. "Not one second. I love Bella so much it hurts. I would die for her and sometimes it feels like I am. Without going into too much detail, keeping her alive and functioning has been my priority for years. I would die if anything happened to her. And when she hurts, it kills me.

"When Edward came back, I went into preservation mode. I wasn't paying attention to the results of my prying and scheming. All I knew was that he was Edward and Edward was the one who broke her in the first place. She was still so cracked from the first time that I knew if he knocked her off the wall again, Humpty Bella wouldn't be able to be put back together again. I stupidly thought that if I could set her up with Adam, that she'd forget about Edward and this would be over. I foolishly hoped that maybe she'd magically snap out of it and we could finally move on. I worried for her and I was scared for me because…"

I was afraid to say the words aloud, and I wouldn't have said them at all, if it hadn't been for a quiet voice at my left.

"Why were you scared, Alice?"

Bella.

"How long has she been there, Tyler?" I whispered.

"Long enough," Bella said, "now tell me, Alice. Why are you scared for yourself?"

_**Bella**_

I waited and watched as tiny little Alice tried to crawl into herself and disappear. How long had I been standing there? I heard what I needed to hear—all but this one tidbit of information.

Jasper squeezed my hand to let me know he was there, before he stepped back. I moved toward the bench. Tyler asked silently if he should move and I nodded. He patted her shoulder and moved to stand beside Jasper.

Standing before her, I almost felt bad. She looked destroyed. Alice rarely looked like that. The few times I'd see her like that was when…

…Oh God, it was always involving me. Fuck.

"Alice," I said, when I regained some of my failing composure. "Alice, what are you scared of?"

She mumbled something and shuffled her feet.

I knelt down, much to the chagrin of my creaky knees, so I could hear her. "Can you please repeat that?"

"I'm scared I'm…don't make me say it, Bella, please. If I say it out loud, it might happen."

"Please, Alice, if you don't say it out loud we can't fix it."

Her head shot up. "But that's just it! You can't fix it! I'm scared I'm going to fall apart, Bella, and when I fall apart, there won't be anyone to fix you when YOU fall apart. No one else knows how to fix you. I can't fall apart, it's not allowed. I need you to stay intact, I can't let him break you again because I NEED some normal and we finally had some normal before he showed up." Alice was reaching toward hysterics. Jasper stepped toward us, but I held up my hand to ask him to stay back. I sat up on the bench beside her and pulled her onto my lap.

We must have made for quite the interesting scene. I'm not big by most standards, in fact, I'm only a couple inches taller and a couple of pounds heavier than Alice, but there we were, on the bench, me cradling her in my arms.

It felt strange being the nurturer. Alice was right, she was always the one to fix me, cradle me, care for me. Well, it was finally time for me to repay the favour.

"Alice, had I known you felt this way…"

"See, you didn't even notice," she spoke the words quietly, sadly.

My heart was breaking. "I'm selfish, Alice. I'm prepared to own up to it, but you rarely, if ever, showed any sign that you were a mess. How can we help if you don't tell anyone?"

"When you always play the happy, quirky little pixie eventually people just see you as that. You guys just got accustomed to it and stopped seeing me," she said between sniffles.

"That's not…" I paused to think over what she'd just said. "God, you're right, Alice. But the same applies to me too. You have considered and treated me like the victim for so long that I just took on the role, never even thinking that perhaps you needed someone to fix you." I squeezed her hard. "I'm sorry, Alice. I really am. I didn't mean…"

"You're forgiven." She smiled at me, before pointing a tiny finger at me. "Under one condition."

"What's that?"

"You forgive me for this mess I've caused. My self-preservation skills need to be toned down. I kind of went overboard."

I smiled at her. "Yeah, maybe a little, but I understand why. I'm not thrilled about it, but I understand. Now, back to your _fix Bella_ obsession. I appreciate everything you've done, sacrificed, and endured for me. I still don't understand why you've put up with my shit for so long, but I do appreciate it.

"However, you need to make room for Edward; he is part of my life now. He's not replacing you, because you'll always be my sister and you're irreplaceable, but maybe it's time for you to take a Bella vacation. Instead of focusing your fix-it ray on me, turn it on yourself. You deserve it, Ali. You're wonderful, sweet, caring, awesome…the list goes on. Focus on finding more joy for yourself and for that incredible man standing over there."

Alice beamed as she stared at Jasper. "He's pretty special, isn't he?"

"You both are. So, are we cool?"

She smiled tearfully at me. "Yeah."

"Can you be my friend and not my savior?"

She sighed. "I can try. It's going to take time—this is a four year addiction we're breaking."

"I know. Baby steps. Can you make me a promise?"

"Anything." She rested her head on my shoulder.

"Can you PLEASE let me know when you're upset? Let me try to fix you every now and then?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "I can try."

I hugged her again. "I love you, Alice Brandon. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm blessed. I don't think I'd have made it this far without you."

"I love you too, Bells. Now, can I get off your bony lap? Your knobby knees are digging into me."

Jasper came along to collect her and smiled at me as he hugged her. He mouthed the words _thank you_ before leading Alice back toward the entrance of the park.

Tyler moved to leave, but I asked him to wait. When I reached him, I gave him a hug. "Thanks, Tyler."

"Anytime, Boss. Hey, is this sexual harassment?"

Slapping him gently on the arm, I steered us back toward the store. "Come on, Tyler, we've got shipping orders to do."

"Aw man, I figured we'd be off the hook now. I'm emotionally spent." He raised his free hand to cover his eyes dramatically.

"My poor, sweet Tyler. I'll make it up to you. I'll send Jasper to grab some beer."

"Mm…cold beer and cold pizza. Sounds wonderful, unless boy wonder has eaten it all."

Fuck me. Adam. I slapped him. Shit.

"Boss, you alright?" Tyler stopped walking, forcing me to halt.

"I kind of slapped Adam."

"If you ask me, fucker deserved it."

"Do you even know what happened?" I asked, suspiciously.

"I know enough. He's a nice enough guy, but his ego needs to be pounded back a few notches. You constantly turning him down has helped immensely. Thanks for that. He was getting unbearable." He shook his head. "I'm glad I'm not low man on the totem pole anymore; dude needs some serious schoolin'."

"He's going to be your boss, Tyler." I said, giving his arm a squeeze.

"Fuck my life. How could you do this to me?" he lamented sarcastically. "I thought you loved me, Bella. After all the times I've covered your shifts, you do this to me? Oh God."

"I'm going to miss you, Tyler."

He turned and hugged me. "I'll miss you too, Bossy Bella. Don't be a stranger, okay? Now, let's go deal with this shit, and don't worry about Dickhead. He knows he screwed up."

Tyler hunched down and motioned for me to hop onto his back. As we bounced along, we made up obscene nicknames for Adam. When we entered, laughing so hard we were crying, Adam was letting Alice poke at the bruise forming on his jaw, obviously milking his situation like a cash cow.

I cleared my throat as I slid down from my perch on Tyler's back, and everyone scattered. "Adam," I said, pointing at him, "outside, now."

"You're not going to hit me again, are you?" he asked, ducking behind the cock ring display.

"No, in fact, I promise to keep my hands in my pocket the whole time."

"Okay."

I walked outside first and led him to a nearby park bench. "Look, I'm sorry I hit you, but you're acting like a douchebag. I AM NOT SINGLE. I AM WITH EDWARD. The sooner you get that through your head, the easier this will be. Got it?"

He nodded sedately.

"Furthermore, your attitude stinks. Did you ever talk to your other bosses like that? Your lack of respect and professionalism scares me, and frankly, it shocks me. Someone with your educational and employment background should know how to act better than that."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't know what to say to make it better. I screwed up. I will try my best not to let it happen again. I was frustrated. I've never had a woman turn me down before, and Alice kept telling me to keep trying…"

"Alice has been dealt with. She won't be singing that tune anymore."

"Did you hit her too?" he asked, fearful.

"No. She's finally figured out that Edward and I are the real deal."

"But, Bella, he left you."

"Tut, tut, Adam, this is not your territory. Tread lightly, son. I will tell you this much; he may have left, but he came back and that's all that matters.

"So, if you want to be friends you need to quash the crush and accept him. He's a good guy. You don't know even an iota of the whole story, so you have nothing but the bad things to go by. I am asking as a potential friend if you could PLEASE go easy on him, be nice to him, because I love him and he's not going anywhere."

Adam smiled a little and put out his fist for a bump. "Gotcha."

I was skeptical, but I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Okay. Let's go in there and order some sex toys."

* * *

**_Okay, now that that's out of the way, maybe life can go on. *grin* For those Alice-haters out there, can you understand her motivation now? I hope so, because she's not an inherently horrible person, in fact, she's the kind of friend we'd all be lucky to have in our lives._**

**_Weekly recs (read them while they're still around!)_**

**_The Misapprehension of Bella Swan by hunterhunting  
Crushed Seraphim by Mrs. TheKing (and Gynazole...that shit kills me!)_**

**_See you next weekend (I hope!)_**


	20. Chapter 20

**_I can't say that I'm surprised that no one tried to kill me after that last sneak peek. I thought for sure someone would try to lynch me. :)_**

**_Katmom and Minnakoda own me because I owe them SO much. Hurry up and come home from elephant riding, Minnakoda, I miss you._**

**_Thus begins Bella's birthday weekend. Bring it on!

* * *

_**

_**Edward**_

Friday came fast and furious--funny how that happens when you're busy and up to no good. Bella's birthday party was tomorrow and I wasn't quite finished with her present yet. Since I had booked up her entire weekend, I wondered when I would have the time to do it, that is, until Rosalie totally saved my ass.

As I was grabbing a bowl of cereal for breakfast, Rose came out of Emmett's room and demanded that I relinquish Bella between the hours of 5 and 9 that night.

"Well, good morning to you too, Ms. Hale," I said, quirking an eyebrow at her. She had hopped up onto the counter. She was wearing an old t-shirt of Em's, and I prayed she was wearing underpants because she was sitting on a place where I enjoyed both eating and preparing food.

"Quit checking out my woman's legs, Eddie," Emmett growled playfully as he walked into the kitchen.

"I wasn't, I was just observing that her ass is planted where I normally eat," I mumbled to myself before addressing Rose again. "So, yeah, I'd actually appreciate it if you'd take Bella for a while this afternoon because I'm still working on her present. A couple of uninterrupted hours would be great. Thanks." I smiled at her.

"Alice, Bella, Angela, and I are all booked in for a spa treatment. Bella will, of course, fight us tooth and nail, but tough titties for her. She does it every time." She smirked,_ "No, no, don't make me_!" She tittered in an amusing, yet accurate, imitation of stubborn Bella, "but by the end of it, she'll be glowing and gooey. So, be prepared for a very malleable, giggly, shiny Bella. Don't get her dirty, though, or Ali and I will hunt you down."

I put on my best redneck voice. "Dayum, Rosie, I was going to take her muddin' on the four wheelers I just bought for her birthday. What if I hose her down afterward?" Mm...the thought of hosing Bella down was a little too much this early in the morning.

Rose reached over and slapped the back of my head. "Smart ass. Seriously, though, try not to get her too ruffled before her party."

I snorted. "You make her sound like a bird. I promise that I'll try to keep her in pristine condition. So, how big is the guest list for the party?"

Rose thought for a moment, then slapped at Em's hand as it began to snake up the front of her shirt. "Emmett, stop! I'm trying to think. Don't you need to get to school?"

"Yup, I just wanted a hand full of sexy to hang onto until I have to deal with my usual daytime handful of seven year-olds." He kissed her nose sweetly. "Love you, my Rosie."

"Love you too, my Emmy."

Ugh. It was at this point that they launched into full-blown baby talk. Oh, Lord. "I would really like to try to keep my breakfast in my stomach and if you two keep this up, it won't stay there. I can appreciate the new love thing, but seriously guys - it's too damn early in the morning for this." I mock grimaced.

Emmett wrapped his arms around her protectively. "Hey now, you owe me big time, baby brother."

I grabbed my bowl and began moving towards the music room to get away from the grope-love-fest. As I walked away, Emmett shouted out, "Did you take your pills?"

"Yes, Mom," I said, sighing heavily. I knew he meant well, but four years of it was getting to be a bit much.

I sat at my desk and powered up my laptop as I finished off my bowl of Raisin Bran. I was surprised Emmett hadn't teased me about eating old lady cereal today. He lived to tease me and, you know, I really had missed it when I had been in Alaska that year.

There was an e-mail from Alice confirming even more guests for the party, putting the total count at twenty. Her instructions were very clear: I was to bring Bella home by eight-thirty sharp for the party. Alice also mentioned in her e-mail that she was now having it catered. Initially she had wanted to book a band, but I had immediately put the kibosh on that; it was already getting out of hand, and Bella was going to be furious.

I also noticed an e-mail from Bella. When I opened it up, I had to laugh at what I saw: there was a picture of Fred's ass and the words '_I miss your face'_.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my phone and called her. I knew she'd be up or at least just waking by this time because she had a class at nine.

"Hello?" she asked groggily. "Edward?"

"Good morning, Love. How are you? You sound tired."

"We worked late at the store last night. I'm exhausted. I'm so glad that you booked me up; I can't wait to come home, put on my PJs, and just chill out with you."

I swallowed loudly. "Mm, right. Yeah, it'll be nice to just relax." I hoped I sounded convincing.

"So..." she trailed off.

"So what?" I asked.

"Ask me if I have any big news."

I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was just itching to say something. I had a feeling that I knew what it was; I just wasn't going to let her off that easy.

"Nah, I don't think so. I highly doubt anything very mind-blowing has happened this week." I smirked, knowing she couldn't see my expression.

"You'd be surprised." Bitterness saturated her response and it kind of scared me; however, as quickly as she had turned sour, the excitement had returned to her voice. "Please, Edward, ask me."

"What if I don't?"

She was silent, then she giggled. "Then I'll tell everyone that Mrs. Cope had to help pull your peen out of the teeth of your zipper in ninth grade."

What? No way. "You're playing dirty now, Isabella. Well, I have ammunition of my very own. Don't make me dig deep into the vault..."

She cut me off. "You're ruining my surprise and totally harshing my buzz. If you don't care, then just come right out and say it, Edward. I'm too busy to play your reindeer games."

"I'm sorry, Love, it IS kind of early for teasing. Please tell me your news."

The petulant child in Bella stomped its foot and prepared for a tantrum of epic proportions. "No, you ruined the moment. I'm going to get dressed. Have a nice day and I'll see you at five."

"Bellaaaa," I whined. "I'm sorry. Please, puh-lease, pretty please with sugar on top? Tell me your news."

She huffed and puffed and I could really picture her pouting. "I'm finished."

I scrambled to make up for my gaff. "Wait. What? I'm sorry, Bella, I was just teasing." When I heard that magical laugh of hers, I realized she was playing me.

"No, moron, I finished at the store. I'm officially done."

"Really?" I was afraid to be too hopeful, but I wanted so badly for it to be true.

"Unless something disastrous happens, Jasper and Adam are now running the show. In a few months Jasper and Alice will be leaving. Well, Jasper will be for sure, but Alice isn't willing to give up her employee discount so easily."

I laughed. "Does that mean that you've lost yours?"

"Why, Mr. Cullen, were you thinking of any particular item?"

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "The Naughty Nurse outfit."

My face grew redder and redder as she laughed harder and harder. Then, once she had finally composed herself, her voice grew deeper. "That can be arranged, Mr. Cullen."

My dick hardened instantly and I was suddenly very glad to be wearing loose-fitting pants. I might have groaned aloud, too.

"Mm...you like that? You want to see me in the Naughty Nurse outfit? What about the bad cop suit?"

"Bellaaa..." I groaned.

"You know, the nurse outfit fits me like a glove—a VERY. TIGHT. GLOVE." She punctuated each word and each staccato syllable ran straight to my groin. I was coming undone. The mental picture of my girl in a skin tight white nurse's uniform was almost too much. I found my hand reaching into my pants to relieve some of the pressure.

"Are you hard, Edward?" she purred at me.

It was suddenly hard to speak. "Y...yes. Very."

She laughed. "Good. That's for teasing me. I have to go get ready for class and I'm going to get naked and take a long, hot shower. Picture that while you're jerking off. Love you!"

And with that, she was gone and I was left with a very painful erection that had to be dealt with, and soon. God, I didn't have time for this—I have class until two and then I have to get her present finished.

Fuck!

_**Bella**_

I have to admit that what I had done this morning was rude. Edward didn't deserve THAT kind of teasing, but I couldn't help myself, it was too easy. However, it did give me a great mental picture that kept me smiling and blushing all day.

I didn't feel so repentant about it anymore when, instead of Edward leaning languidly against his Volvo in the parking lot, Alice, Angela, and Rosalie hijacked me. They dragged me kicking and screaming to the Bee, buckling me into the back seat, and hauling my disgusted ass to the spa.

"Oh, come on, Bells, relax," Alice said from across the room where her feet were being sloughed.

"I was supposed to be relaxing with Edward, all comfy and cozy in my PJs, not being poked, prodded, and kneaded like bread dough."

"Edward was worried you'd be livid...It's not his fault, Bella," Angela said as she sat soaking her feet in a nearby tub. She pushed her cats' eye glasses up her nose and smiled at me. "He really is sweet. You're lucky to have someone who is so considerate. He even tracked me down on campus and gave me something to give to you later."

"What is it?" I asked before yelping as the nail technician began inflicting great pain on me. "Ouch! Easy on the cuticles, lady!" I screeched, she merely looked up and smiled.

Evil nail-bed torturer.

"I'm not telling. You'll find out before we leave the spa. He left strict instructions." Angela smirked at me. She was enjoying this way too much for my liking.

Instead of focusing on the agonizing torture of getting manis and pedis, I wondered what he could have possibly done. While Rose and I were having our full body chocolate wraps done, I peppered her with questions. She refused to answer them on the grounds that she had to see him on a daily basis now and she didn't want to listen to him whine about it.

Alice was no better. She and I shared a partitioned room while we were tortured with waxing. Between yelps and cries, she swore she'd never tell. She claimed that she was trying to make up for her transgressions and would not betray his trust in the spirit of making amends.

It wasn't until I was finally lulled into near-unconsciousness from the full body massage that the three evil wenches stood before me in white, fluffy bathrobes, bearing a large flat white box tied up with a blue ribbon. "Here, Bella, this is from Edward," Angela said, smiling.

I opened the box slowly, as I was still very much a gelatinous puddle from the muscle manipulation, and I smiled sleepily.

Pyjamas.

Brand new, pale blue, flannel pyjamas covered in white clouds and sheep. Beneath them I found a fleecy matching robe, and underneath that was nestled a pair of sheep slippers.

God, I love that man.

"Aw, geez, Bella's crying," Alice mumbled. "I hope those are happy tears because this is seriously sweet. Eduardo has jumped up my cool-meter quite a few points with this stunt. Now, come on and get dressed, he's waiting for you."

"I get to leave in pyjamas? Seriously?" Oh, the thought of not having to put my bra back on was truly divine.

Rose smiled. "Yup, Kitten, you get to float on out of here in full comfort."

"I've died and gone to heaven," I gushed as the girls helped me to get up and get dressed. Once I was fully clothed, they led me out to the lobby. I looked around, but didn't see Edward. "Where is he?"

"Outside. Come, your chariot awaits," Angela replied, smiling.

Sure enough, the sight I had waited to see after classes, but didn't, was now in front of me. Edward was leaning casually against his car; when that beautiful smirk of his played across his face and he began to walk toward us, my heart skipped a beat.

"Bella, you are absolutely glowing," he said as he kissed my cheek.

"Probably because I've been rubbed, sanded, waxed, and polished within an inch of my life."

Edward turned his attention to the girls. "Ladies, thank you for passing along my present. She looks relaxed and comfy and ready for bed. So…" He turned and winked at me before looking back at the girls, "if it's okay with you, I'd like to take her home and tuck her in."

I heard Angela sigh. She was so smitten with Edward, and although she loved Ben dearly, she was a true romantic. Ben's grandest gesture was naming his Bunsen burner after her. He told her it was because _it's hot like you are, babe._ Perhaps Edward could coach him in the fine art of wooing.

Before I realized what was happening, Edward had scooped me up into his arms and swung me around. "WAIT!" I shouted. "My bag! My clothes!"

Rose placed my bag over Edward's head and grinned. "Quit worrying, Bells. Everything is under control."

"Thanks for the spa evening, girls. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Love you, Bells!" they chorused as Edward carried me over to his car.

I sighed as I rested my head on his shoulder. As ridiculous as I felt, wearing my pyjamas and being carried across a quasi-busy parking lot by a super hot guy, this moment felt just right. "I don't know how you have the strength to carry me around like this."

"You, my dear, are light as a feather. If I hadn't seen you eat with my own two eyes, I'd be tempted to think that you never do so. You are nothing but skin and bones."

My stomach chose that moment to declare that it was, in fact, hungry. Edward laughed as he set me down gently at the passenger door. "Ah, I see the Beast has been stirred. I hope pizza's okay. I didn't want to have to worry about cooking or cleaning. When we get home, I want to hop into my PJs and get into bed with you."

As I sat in the passenger seat, I wondered aloud which _home_ he was referring

"Well," he said, looking over at me hopefully, "I hope we can go to mine. Rose and Emmett are staying at her house and I thought it might be nice to give Alice and Jasper some alone time, not to mention my TV is bigger."

I gasped in feigned shock. "My TV isn't big enough for you? You, sir, are a size queen!"

Edward guffawed loudly as we hit the road. I took his hand in mine, and kissed his knuckles. "It's really very sweet of you to be so considerate of my roommates, especially considering everything with Alice and Adam."

"Are things back to normal?" he asked, hopeful, looking over at me.

"Yeah, I guess. We kind of had it out Wednesday night. I, uhh…I may have slapped Adam."

The car screeched to a halt and I screamed. I was waiting for the impact, the sound of metal crunching, of people screaming…

"Oh my God, Bella, I'm so sorry! You threw me off there. You shouldn't spring stuff like that on me while I'm driving."

I couldn't catch my breath; I was still stuck in a flashback. _Just need to breathe._

Edward was beside me, freaking out, and it wasn't making things any easier. I opened the door and crawled out. I needed fresh air and a moment to myself.

"Do you need…?" he asked, frantically, as he exited the car. I held up a hand for him to stop. I needed to do this on my own. Since deciding to cut out the Ativan, I had been doing a lot of deep breathing and visualization exercises.

Okay, deep breath in; I'm in the meadow in Forks, I am not in the car. Deep breath out; I am fine, Edward is here.

After a few minutes when I was able to stand upright, I took one final cleansing breath, and smiled weakly. "I'm okay."

Edward rushed to my side and paused. I could tell he was unsure if he should try to touch me or not. I reached out and hugged him. He mumbled apologies into my hair as I rubbed his back.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I'm so, so, sorry."

"Shh, Edward, everything is fine. I got spooked for a moment. It just takes me a while longer to get through these freakouts without the drugs."

"You're not taking anything at all now?" he said, pushing away from me. "You can't just stop taking your pills like that, Bella, it's dangerous."

"It's just the Ativan. I'm still taking my other pills. I'm tired of being numb; I need to start feeling so I can start healing. Now, can we please go home? I feel silly standing on the side of the road in my PJs, and my Sheep slippers are getting dirty." I smiled at him and reached up to give him a reassuring kiss. He still looked so worried, so I swiped at the wrinkles in his forehead, trying to smooth them away.

"Home," he murmured in return.

_**Edward**_

Sometimes I wonder if someone secretly lobotomized me, because my ability to rationalize and react appropriately equalled epic fail. What the hell was I thinking when I slammed on the brakes like that? Bella could have been hurt, not to mention I could have aggravated her PTSD a lot more than I did.

It simultaneously broke my heart and scared me shitless when she screamed, and when she wouldn't let me near her, I thought that I'd really ruined things. Listening to her struggling and gasping for breath scared me big time; I kept waiting for her to turn blue and fall over.

I paced around and wanted desperately to hit something - like myself - but I needed to hold it together for her. I needed to not fall apart. I needed to give her space.

When we got home, she went directly to my room and crawled onto the bed, curling into a ball.

"Are you okay?" I asked, walking toward the bed.

She smiled and patted the spot beside her. "I'll be better if you come and lie down with me. Please?"

"Let me change into my PJs so I can be comfy."

Sprinting to my bureau, I pulled out my favourite flannels and a wife beater.

"You…you don't have to wear it, Edward. I know you prefer to sleep topless."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Really? You're okay with that?"

Bella blushed. "Yes, you fool. Now hurry up."

I rushed to the bathroom and tried to change as fast as I possibly could. My need for speed was diverted by my inattention and I got caught up in my pant leg, nearly going ass over tea kettle into the tub.

Once I finally managed to dress myself and exit the bathroom, I found Bella curled up on the bed in the same spot where I'd left her. I thought maybe she'd fallen asleep, but her brown eyes opened and followed me as I put my clothes in the hamper by the door. I shivered for a moment, and it wasn't because I was cold. Bella's eyes grew larger and darker as she looked at me. I watched as she took a long, meandering look at my bare chest.

Oh my God, did she just lick her lips?

I shifted myself because I worried that I was about to pop out of the stupid piss flap in my pyjama pants. When I realized she'd witnessed what I had just done, I groaned. Damn it.

"Edward?" she asked with a voice much deeper than her usual speaking one.

"I'm sorry about, uh …" I didn't know if she heard me or not because I spoke so quietly that I barely heard myself speak.

"Come here, it's okay. It's me, Edward, it's Bella. There's nothing to hide. It's just us." She was now kneeling on the bed, seductively pulling off her robe.

I ran over to the bed and pulled her into my arms as I laid us down. Her mouth was on mine immediately, and a rush of pure lust and adrenaline was consuming me. My hands began working of their own accord, needing to touch her.

I groaned as her hands began to roam my bare chest and I cried out as she scratched her newly manicured nails down my torso.

"Bella…wait!" I gasped.

_**Bella**_

Did he just say wait?

"Did you just say wait?"

He gulped for air as he nodded.

"If your moral compass is telling you this is wrong, then it seriously needs to coordinate with your dick," I said, grabbing the VERY big Yes! in his pants, "because your dick is not saying wait, it's saying GO."

"I'm sorry, but..."

No way was he cockblocking me again. Not now. "But what?" I ran my hand up and down the length of his erection. "You want me to stop?" I leaned in and nipped at one of his tiny nipples.

"Are you sure? You really want this?" he panted.

I growled from deep in my chest. "Oh yeah, Edward, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want it. My girlie bits are feeling neglected and they have missed you something awful."

He leaned in and kissed me slowly, making me burn even harder for him. I felt my body responding in ways it hadn't in years. I pushed against him harder, tried to deepen the kiss, trying to find some friction to quench the fire that was consuming me.

"Whoa," he whispered against my lips. "If we are going to do this, we're doing it right. I have waited five impossibly long years for this moment that I NEVER thought would be possible. I know we're both terribly horny, but please, I don't want to rush this."

Looking into his green eyes, I saw lust, fear, pain, and love all intermingling together, and I wanted nothing more than to erase the fear and the pain and to let him focus on the lust and the love. I stopped writhing against him momentarily and whispered into his ear, "Take me however, whenever, wherever you want, Edward. I'm yours." _I always have been._

He uttered the most intensely feral groan I had ever heard, and if I wasn't soaked before, I was now drenched. I hoped I could be patient enough for him.

Edward nipped at my sensitive earlobe and my body jerked. I couldn't suppress the moan that escaped my lips, hot on the tail of a heady sigh.

"I love you, Bella, I always have, and I always will. I'm...I'm so sorry."

Oh my God is he crying? No, no, no, no, this is SO not happening. I pushed away from him, grabbed his ears, and pulled him until we were face-to-face. "You are NOT doing this, Edward. Get out of the past; we are in the present. We are not going to think about before, because it doesn't fucking matter anymore. It's over. It happened, and we can't change it. Please be with me NOW. Stay in the moment. Please stop feeling guilty and just make me scream your name so loud the neighbours hear it."

Edward closed his eyes and sighed. "I ruined it."

"You haven't ruined anything—yet. Now please, I'm begging you one last time. Fuck me, Edward." I growled.

Holy shit. Did I just tell Edward to fuck me? Oh good Lord, what has gotten into...

"Yes." Edward whispered as his lips met mine in a fevered clash. "Oh yes, Bella. Gods, yes." He chanted as he continued to pepper my face and neck with kisses.

My hands furiously worked their way over his chest again and then moved down and around to his ass. I squeezed it and pulled him closer to me. He exhaled loudly at the closer contact and his kisses along my neck became more fervent.

I felt his hands move under my flannel shirt and the ever-present pulse of electricity that always existed between us intensified, making me cry out. The feel of his hands roaming my flesh almost felt too good to be true, so I ran my hands up his back, memorizing the texture of each muscle, mole, and knot, until I reached his hair. I fisted my hands in his glorious, bronze mess and stared at him. His eyes were now brimming full of love and lust, and oh, I remembered that look. I dreamt about it every night—it was my impossible dream and it was true, it was real.

"Off," he muttered against my neck as he tugged impatiently on my shirt. When I moved my hands to do it, he stopped me. "You said something about being in the present. Let me unwrap my present."

I smiled as he rolled us over so I was straddling him. I revelled in the large endowment nestled between us. I rocked myself gently back and forth across his massive erection, gaining some much needed friction, eliciting urgent moans from both of us. That is, until he stopped me. "Not yet, love." He slowly unbuttoned my top, and when it finally slid down my arms, I thought he was going to cry again.

For some strange reason I suddenly felt exposed, so I moved my arms to cover myself. He shook his head, took my hips in his hands, and rolled us over again so that he was on top, nestled between my legs. "You are as beautiful today as you were when we first got together. Please don't hide from me, Bella; I want…I need to know your body again." He looked up at me with lust-darkened eyes, through long, beautiful eyelashes.

Hot, open-mouthed kisses trailed from my lips, down my neck and across my collarbones. He continued down until he reached my breasts. Edward smiled before latching onto my left nipple, and the sensation of his mouth suckling was almost enough to make me come right then and there. My body was an amazing mess of endorphins, overexcited nerve endings, and synapses firing like semi-automatic weapons. I knew when he moved on to my more sensitive right nipple that I was done for. What cinched the deal was at that moment his knee made brief contact with my girlie bits and I came instantly, and loudly.

Edward gasped and sat back. "Did you...?"

Too caught up in the way my body was feeling, all I could do was nod as I tried to catch my breath. I had been more sensitive since the accident, but I didn't think I'd be THAT sensitive, especially since I'd been "experimenting" with toys I'd bought from the store.

"Wow, we're both still wearing pants, too," he said, smiling.

"Off," I panted as I tugged frantically at his pyjama pants.

"You first." He didn't give me a chance to object as he stood up and pulled my pants off. I never had a hope in hell, not that I would have complained in the first place.

He gasped and stood beside the bed as he took me in. I smiled as I saw him swallow hard and he began stroking himself through his pants. "Fuck me," he whispered.

"That can be arranged," I said, winking at him. I rolled over on my left hip and posed seductively. "What are you waiting for, Edward?"

"M...music. Wanted music." He hit play on his iPod docking station and the sexy sounds of Kings of Leon filled the room. When he turned back, he hitched his thumbs in the waistband of his flannels and yanked them down.

I KNOW I looked like a dead fish, eyes agape, mouth wide open. Edward had aged well. His lean torso tapered to a small waist flanked by the most delicious hip dents I had ever seen. I wanted to run my tongue over them as I followed the V to the P. There was a very light and well-groomed smattering of reddish hair and, my God, had he gotten bigger?

I watched jealously as his hand stroked the most impressive specimen of male virility I had ever seen. Had it looked like that half a decade ago? Do men continue to grow? Gah...must taste now. "Come here," I groaned as I reached for him.

Flipping around onto my back so my head was hanging over the side of the bed, I had to say that he looked more impressive from upside down. Reaching out for him, I took his cock in my hand and stroked its velvety shaft. I used to wonder if he used moisturizer on it because the skin was always so soft. Tugging on him lightly, I gently moved him closer and then wrapped my mouth around the head.

God, he tasted like some kind of salty heaven. His natural musk intoxicated me as I got reacquainted with him, with the noises he made as I swirled my tongue around the slit at the top, collecting the pre-cum as it surfaced; as I put pressure on his frenulum; and when I fluttered my tongue against the pulsing vein on the underside. I took him in as far as I possibly could and tilted my head back even further off the edge of the bed so that I could take him in even deeper.

"Bella," he groaned as he leaned forward and breathed heavily into my navel, "if you...don't stop...I'm going to..."

I hummed, remembering how much he enjoyed that and I felt him twitch before crying out. He jerked into the back of my throat as he chanted my name like a most sacred prayer. When he stopped pulsing, I removed him from my mouth and smiled, before planting one last sweet kiss on the head of his softening cock.

He flopped down on the bed beside me and tugged on my arm. "Up," he mumbled.

I crawled up, laying down beside him, and ran my fingers through his hair while he calmed down. When he stopped panting, he pulled me to his mouth and kissed me. "Thanks," he mumbled as he traced my lips with his fingers. "That was...wow. Please don't think I'm a two-pump chump, as Emmett would say. That was overwhelming. I couldn't hold on any longer."

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Why would you want to hold on? I thought the point of a blowjob was to blow your load because I did such a great job. I wanted you to come and if no one's had their mouth around it in five years, I figured it wouldn't take much."

He blushed. "You really are a lot more brazen now, aren't you?"

I laughed at him. "I guess so."

"I don't know about you," he said, leaning in for another kiss, "but I'm starving. Why don't we refuel and go for round two later."

"That sounds good to me. Are we ordering in?" I asked, stretching out, pushing myself further into him.

"If you keep doing that, I may change my mind and eat you out instead."

"Oh my God, did Edward Cullen just use such vulgarity?"

He batted his eyes innocently as he cupped my ass. "Maybe."

I blushed a little. "I may have liked it."

He laughed that wonderful, deep, throaty laugh of his and I buried my face into that glorious chest of his. He kissed the top of my head and moved off the bed.

"No. Don't go!" I grabbed after him but missed.

Again, he laughed as he stood. "I'm going to the kitchen to find some food. I don't want to order in because I don't feel like getting dressed."

My eyes popped open so fast and so hard that I was surprised they didn't fall out of their sockets and roll across the floor. "You mean I get to watch you do domestic stuff naked? You're not afraid of damaging your dangling modifier?"

"Dangling modifier? Oh my God, Bella, I haven't thought of that in years!" He was laughing so hard now that he had to brace himself against the footboard of the bed. "Wasn't that what you called my dick the first time you saw it?"

I blushed at the memory. He was right, of course. I really was at a loss for words the first time we played _you show me yours, I'll show you mine_. We had just done a unit on modifiers in language arts and it was the first thing that came to mind. I was so embarrassed and he teased me about it forever.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked. "I'm not sure what there is, but I'm sure I can whip something up, without damaging my dangling modifier." He shook his hips and it became a swinging modifier.

"Stop laughing! I was twelve or thirteen when that happened."

"You want a drink?" he called out as he walked toward the door. I stared at that proud ass of his and those two delectable dimples at the top. Mmm-mmm. I had always wondered what judges at dog shows meant by _proud buttocks_, but looking at Edward that moment as he strutted across the room, I finally understood.

"Hello? Bella?"

"What? Oh, sorry, drink. Uh...yes. Drink good." Man, I am such a dork! I see one fine ass and I'm rendered speechless.

He looked back over his shoulder at me. "Were you staring at my ass?"

"Maybe. Why, did you like it?" I teased, finally able to form coherent words.

"Maybe." He turned around again and walked out, swinging his hips and shaking that fine ass of his as he left.

I lay there, still as a statue for all of about five seconds before I squealed and began thrashing on the bed in glee. I was flying so high I was surprised I wasn't hovering up by the ceiling.

Edward ran back, his face pale, the smile gone from his face. "Bella!" he yelled as he sped toward the bed.

I stopped my bed dancing and sat up. "What? What's wrong?"

He flopped on top of me, pinning me to the bed. "I'm...I was...oh God, are you okay?"

What the...? "I'm fine, baby, hell, I'm better than fine, why?"

He started kissing my face, my neck, my hair.

"What's wrong, Edward? Why are you so freaked out?" I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping to calm him down. "Shh, baby, what is it?"

"I heard you scream and when I ran back in you were convulsing. I thought you were having a seizure. I was scared."

I couldn't stifle the snicker that slipped out. I know it was wrong to laugh because he was so distraught, but I really couldn't help it. "No, Edward, I was just doing my horizontal happy dance. I didn't mean to frighten you."

He finally lifted his head to look at me. "You're sure?"

"I swear. Look, we need to have the seizure discussion one of these days, but let's not do it today. I feel 100% normal for the first time in a long time. Hell, I feel 500% beyond normal. Now, go fetch us some libation so I can go all cavewoman on your ass, which I might add, is one fantastic ass." I slapped it playfully and nipped at his ear.

"Okay, I'm sorry I overreacted." He kissed my nose before removing himself from my body. "I love you, Bella. I worry."

"I know, I understand. We just need to work on that. Now go get me some food while I go pee."

I jumped up and rushed out of the room, because the sooner we ate, the sooner round two could begin, and I'd been waiting five long years for this moment to happen.

* * *

**_I hope you guys aren't disappointed in Bella and Edward. I tried to tell them that sex was a bad idea, but they wouldn't listen to me. ;) I just hope this isn't going to complicate an already complicated situation. _**

**_So, I read an amazing in-progress story last weekend, I mean, this story OWNED me ALL weekend. It's a good thing I was still pretty much flat on my back with vertigo because it made me feel less bad about lying around reading all weekend instead of doing chores._**

**_I can't stress enough that you should head over to _THE UNIVERSITY OF EDWARD CULLEN by Sebastien Robichaud _as soon as you're done leaving me a review. :) It is truly an amazing, intelligent, enthralling, captivating story that's actually set in my home and native land. O Canada! (Sorry, I'm being overly patriotic--I'm riding the Olympic high right now after the amazing Alexandre Bilodeau won our first ever Olympic gold medal on home soil)_**

**_Speaking of Olympics...are you watching? What events do you enjoy most? Do you avoid the Olympics like the plague? Let me know. I love hearing from you guys._**

**_Next chapter? More birthday weekend festivities. This is the birthday that never ends._**


	21. Chapter 21

_**Can I just say that I was pleasantly surprised by your reactions to the last chapter...most of you who thought it was great that they were going to "wait" a while were cheering the loudest when they actually did the deed. :) I knew there was another reason why I love you guys so much.**_

**_Again, this wouldn't be possible without my girls, so please, a big round of applause for the wonderful Katmom and Minnakoda (who is backpacking to some remote Hindu temple somewhere in Indonesia or snorkeling someplace awesome). I miss you. Come home soon! Watch out for the elephants!_**

**_Please check out the A/N at the end. I'm excited about it._**

**_

* * *

_**

_**Edward**_

Every step I took away from her caused me physical pain. Okay, I'm being melodramatic, but it was terribly uncomfortable tearing myself away from her.

My heart was soaring and there was a definite spring in my step because I noticed that my dick was bouncing more than usual as I walked. However, niggling at the back of my mind was my moral compass, which was spinning out of control. Although it killed me to abstain from sex with Bella, I had intended to wait a little longer. There was so much that needed to be discussed, so much that needed to be said, that sex was now going to take up the precious little time we had together. I'm not complaining, I LOVE sex with Bella. It's just that the outstanding unknowns might cause problems later on. For example, Bella's freak out on Sunday. That needed to be addressed yesterday. I had hoped to do it tonight but I was not going to kill the post-coital buzz we were both experiencing.

A delicious smell brought me back into the moment. I was standing stark naked in my kitchen looking at a huge spread of Chinese food. A card beside it said:

**_You need to buy groceries.  
We didn't want you to starve.  
Seriously, go grocery shopping.  
_**

**_Love,  
Em, Rose, Alice, and Jasper._**

I laughed aloud. How did they…? Ah hell, who cared? "Bella, love, dinner is served."

I heard her stumble out of the bedroom, and smiled when she noticed the buffet. "What is this?"

"This is courtesy of our friends and family who were concerned that my inability to remember to buy groceries lately might cause us to starve." I moved to stand behind her naked form, laced my arms around her waist, and rested my chin on her shoulder.

"We've got the best friends and family in the world, don't we?" she replied quietly as she leaned into me and kissed my cheek. "Well, shall we?"

"We shall."

Bella and I grabbed plates and heaped them full of all of our favourites: spring rolls, almond soo guy, garlic spareribs, sweet and sour chicken, lo mein, fried wontons, and rice. I pulled a couple of blankets out of the linen closet and spread them across the floor, where we ate picnic style. We laughed over old memories, then giggled like school kids when Bella's inability to use chopsticks resulted in many spills on her small breasts, and my inattention eventually causing me to drop lo mein noodles on my, er, noodle.

"Time for fortune cookies," she said, jumping up to grab them. I caught myself drooling at the sight of her perfectly round ass.

"Were you staring at my bum?" she asked as she walked back.

"Maybe." I winked at her.

"Did you like what you saw?"

"Yup."

She giggled as she sat in my very bare lap. I wasn't sure if that was such a good idea.

Bella cracked open the hard vanilla-flavoured cookie and smiled before handing mine over. I bit into mine and pulled the small strip of paper from the cookie with my teeth.

"Okay, I'll go first, _Great surprises await you…in bed," _she said, giggling.

"Oh, so we're playing the _in bed_ game, are we? Hmm…what does mine say? _The road to redemption is paved with good deeds…in bed._ Well, that's odd."

Turning around so she was straddling me, she kissed me passionately. I could taste the honey garlic from the ribs on her lips, but her tongue tasted of pure Bella. Her hand ghosted from my hair to my lap, where she grabbed my hardening erection and began to stroke it.

"Bella, you want to do it here? On the floor?" This was so not where I had intended round two to take place. I wanted to take her to my bed where it was much more comfortable and, well, normal.

She looked up at me with lust-heavy eyes and a smidgen of playfulness. "Mm-hmm, time for round two. I can't wait. I need you now."

Oh good Lord, she really was trying to kill me. I couldn't let our first time in five years be on the floor, amongst Chinese leftovers. "Can't we head back to the bed? I don't have any condoms out here."

Lifting herself slightly, she ran the head of my dick against the hot wetness of her promised land and I grunted.

"We don't need a condom, I've only ever," she rubbed against me again, "oh God, been with you and I'm still on the shots. So unless there's something," I bit down on her shoulder to stave off my urge to plunge into her, "Jesus, that you need to tell me…"

I picked her up a little so she could hover over me before she plunged down and we both screamed out. I was so overwhelmed by the feeling of being completely sheathed inside her that I thought I might pass out. My head flew back and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

Bella was panting as she rested her head on my shoulder. Knowing my body as well as she did, she probably sensed that I would need a moment to adjust. Or at least I hoped that was the case.

"I love you," she whispered hotly in my ear before pulling herself up a couple of inches. The delicious friction cut off my other senses, my attention raptly attached to how our union was making me feel. As she lowered herself again, we both let out cries. I knew mine was one of pure rapture and I hoped that hers was also positive; I hoped it wasn't hurting her. She was so damn tight and I suddenly found myself telling her just that as she increased the speed of her movements.

"God, Bella, so tight," I gasped gruffly.

"Oh, Edward," she cried out, her head falling back. Her body trembled and I felt her muscles contracting around me as I continued to slide into her.

"Did you…?"

"Mmm…" she moaned, her head still lolling back.

I took advantage of my position and clamped onto her sensitive right nipple. She groaned and shuddered again.

"Harder, Edward, fuck me harder," she cried out.

I rolled us over so she was lying on the blanketed floor below us and I picked up the pace. I thrust into her harder, faster, louder. The sound of slick, slapping skin echoed in the room as I watched her shatter again and again. How many times had she come?

Her eyes opened and fixated on me through their lustful haze as she reached down with one splayed hand to where we were joined, while her left hand groped her breast, pulling on it as she cried out again.

It was too much for me. "Bella, I'm going to pull out, I'm going to come."

"NO! Come inside me! Please!" she cried out, her lusty eyes replaced with fearful ones.

I moved down to kiss her. "Okay, shh…calm d…"

When her mouth attacked mine and her tongue shot out to tangle with my own, I was overcome and groaned as I filled her. I couldn't seem to stop, either; it felt as if I was pulsing inside her for hours.

As I focused on my release, she caressed me and whispered her joy until I rolled us over so I was lying on the floor, with her on top. I was completely spent that I didn't think I'd make it to the bed. I was exhausted and so sensitive. Bella's light touches caused me to jerk and tremble as I lay there, naked, still inside my destiny.

_**Bella**_

"Oh for the love of all things holy, could you please cover yourselves?" Emmett howled, waking me up. I was disoriented at first and unable to figure out what it was he was yelling about until Rosalie ran over and threw a blanket over me, er, us. I was sprawled naked on top of a very naked Edward, who was strangely still somewhat inside of me. Had we not moved at all over the past few hours?

"Edward, baby, wake up. Emmett's home."

"Mm…what?" he groaned. "Where are we?"

If the situation weren't so uncomfortable, I would have kissed him for being so cute. He wrinkled his nose and inhaled deeply as he squinted his eyes. His hands moved from my ass into his hair. "Bella, what time is it?" he mumbled sleepily.

"It's ten in the morning, brother mine, and I come home to find you two buck fucking naked on the living room floor surrounded by Chinese food. Good Lord, you owe me BIG TIME, little man."

Edward's green eyes opened wide. "Oh, shit, we fell asleep. Were we…oh God, I'm still inside you," he whispered to me, embarrassed.

I kissed his nose and smiled. "It's okay. Hey, Em, wanna give us a second?" I yelled out to him.

"How about I give you an hour? Rosie and I are going to get groceries, since SOMEBODY else forgot."

"Sorry, Em," we said at the same time.

"Ugh, and burn those blankets, would you?" He shuddered. "I need to have my eyes washed."

As soon as they left, I leaned in and kissed Edward, my mouth open and insistent. He was receptive, and in a matter of seconds, I felt him hardening again. He groaned as I rocked back against him, deepening his position.

"We should really go shower and clean…ugh…God, Bella, don't stop…"

I was rocking back and forth, doing all the work until I felt myself soaring into the stratosphere with the strength of my climax. Edward took over and brought himself to a loud finish.

There were no words to describe the euphoria he brought me with each touch, each stroke, each kiss. How many times had I come? I lost track after the first time I blacked out. Who knew that nerve damage would work to my advantage at some point?

"We'd better go," he said, rolling us over. He withdrew, and the sudden loss of contact with him caused me to cry out. He grabbed my hand, helping me up and leading me to the bathroom quickly so the spoils of our session wouldn't drip onto the hardwood floor as I walked.

He ran out to grab the blankets while the water heated and I took a moment to pee. I hoped that there wasn't a UTI waiting to happen because of last night's activities.

As soon as my frantic and disheveled lover returned, we got into the hot shower and made out for a while before taking turns washing one another.

By the time Emmett returned, the house was cleaned, we were decent, and curled up on the couch watching TV.

"Thank God you two are finally dressed. Did you burn the blankets?"

"No, they're in the washing machine on a heavy duty cycle as we speak, and yes, I used colour safe bleach. At least we used blankets and didn't do it on the bare sofa or rug."

"I suppose you're right. Hey, you want help me unload the groceries?"

Edward gave me a kiss before jumping up. Rosalie chose that moment to grab me and take me into Emmett's room where she began to interrogate me so fast that I don't think she took a single breath. "Spill it, Swan. I know you had sex. Don't deny it. His cock was still inside you. Unfortunately I saw it. Em and I are shopping around for good 2 for 1 therapy to get over it. Did you fall asleep doing it? How was it?"

I sighed loudly. For someone who needed therapy to get over it, she sure wanted to know an awful lot. I really didn't want to talk about it with her, it was private and special.

"Come on, Bells! Spill it! It's the first time since I've met you that you've had sex! If it weren't for the fact that you had a baby, I would have pictured you as a virginal nun-type. So…"

"Yes. We had sex," I said, rolling my eyes at her.

As if hanging off my every word, Rose pulled me down on the bed beside her. "And? How was it?"

I blushed. "Awesome."

"Just awesome?"

I exhaled loudly. "Fine, it was mind blowing. I can't count how many times I came. I'm so sensitive that I swear I came when he touched me. It was so intense that I am pretty confident that I may have blacked out. We were so exhausted that we didn't make it to the bedroom."

Rose smiled widely. "You go, girl. I'm so happy for you." She hugged me tightly. "Are you okay with it though? I thought you wanted to wait. He didn't…"

"NO! No, no, no, I initiated it. He wanted to do the noble thing but I was horny and wanted it."

"You didn't force yourself on him, did you?" Her eyes grew huge.

"Nope, he was just as into it as I was, once I told him to stop being a cockblocker."

"Wow, what's up with the morally decent cockblockers? Seriously? Emmett goes from being a first class manwhore to being all born-again virgin. Was Edward always such a CC?"

"CC?"

Rosalie smiled evilly at me. "Cullen Cockblocker."

I laughed. "That's hilarious! Well, Edward has always been a little sensitive, and he tried to be morally decent until we lost our virginity, and then he wanted to do it all the time. So, no, Edward hasn't always been a CC."

Rosalie got up and grabbed a shirt from the back of a chair. I hadn't really noticed Em's room before. Where Edward's was dark wood and broody; Emmett's was brighter. His sleigh bed was of a blonde wood, which matched the crown moldings and chair runner. His bureau and end tables were of the same light wood. His bedding was a strange shade of lime green, which struck me as funny.

"What's so funny?" Rose asked as she checked herself out in the mirror on the inside of the closet door.

"You'd think that big, bad Emmett wouldn't be caught dead with lime green bedding."

She giggled before turning around. "I know, but his mom picked it for him and said it went nicely with the décor, so he kept it. I think it makes him feel closer to her."

"She's something else," I said, wistfully. "I can't wait to see her at Thanksgiving."

I watched as Rose's expression froze in the mirror. "What's wrong, Rosie?"

She walked back over to the bed and flopped down beside me, sprawling out on her back. "He wants me to meet his parents."

"Really? Wow, this IS serious. He's NEVER taken a girl to meet his parents, especially not his mother." I lay down beside her and tried to soak in what she had just said.

Rose raised her arm to shield her eyes. "I know! What if they don't like me? What if I'm not good enough?"

Rolling over onto my side, I pulled her arm down. "Look at me, Rosalie. You tamed the Great Emmett Manwhore Cullen. There will be parades held in your honour when you arrive in Forks. Hell, Esme will probably apply for you to be sainted."

"I'm scared, Bella. He loves his mom more than anything on the planet and I'm scared she won't approve and he'll leave me."

I got up on my knees and straddled her waist. "Rosalie Lillian Hale, Esme will love you as much as everyone else does. Don't make me tickle you, because I will." My fingers found the sensitive spot just under her ribs and I tickled her lightly. She erupted in a gale of giggles and shrieks.

Emmett and Edward ran in to see what was going on. "Well holy shit, Rosie likes girls. If that wasn't Bella, I'd think that was totally hot."

"Save me!" Rose squealed from beneath me.

Edward came over and tickled me until I released Rosalie.

"Come on, beautiful, let's head out," he said, nuzzling my ear.

"Where are we going?"

"Outside, someplace nice. It's a beautiful day out there and we shouldn't be wasting it inside."

"Okay. What should I wear?"

"Pants and bring your sweater. I need to grab a couple of things, so get ready and meet me out front, okay?"

_**Edward**_

I ran to the kitchen and finished putting together a quick, impromptu picnic. Thankfully, Emmett had taken the initiative, and the opportunity to let us get dressed, and gone shopping.

While I packed up a backpack, Em approached and filled me in on the current status of the party preparations.

"Okay, so if you could have Bella back by eight—"

"I thought it was eight-thirty?"

"Nope, I'm pushing it back. If it changes I'll let you know. I have a HUGE surprise for Baby Girl and I don't want to wait to give it to her."

"You mean you CAN'T wait to give it to her," I said, grinning.

He smiled so big, so honestly, that I barely recognized him. Sure, Em is a naturally happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but a lot of it was a guise to hide his pain. This smile was so genuine, and Emmett was just so truly happy that I couldn't help but hug him.

"I'm sorry for everything, Em. It's good to see you really smile."

I figured he'd push me away and call me gay or something, but he didn't, he hugged me tightly. "It's okay, little man, it's over. Let's just move on."

That was the second time in twenty-four hours that someone had told me to essentially move on. Hmm. Was I still so stuck in the past? "I love you, Em. Thanks for everything."

"Love you too, bro. Now, let go of me before the girls see us being pussies."

"Too late," Rose said, "you're busted.

Bella smiled, her eyes watery. "I feel the urge to hug you both right now."

Rose and Bella looked at each other, winked, and launched themselves at us.

"GROUP HUG!" Emmett shouted.

It was a nice moment. It felt right. When the moment passed, Bella and I said our goodbyes and headed out the door with our picnic lunch. We sang stupid, cheesy 90's songs as I drove us toward the beach and it felt fun, free, and perfect.

The sun was shining, but the air was chilly as we set up the blanket by the logs where we'd had a bonfire what felt like years ago, when it had only really been a month.

Bella curled up beside me, her head in my lap, and stared up at me for a while. After a few minutes, she grabbed a notebook and started writing.

"Whatcha doin?" I asked as I lazily drew invisible designs on her belly.

"Homework."

"You're going to sully our beautiful day at the beach with homework? Not cool, Bella," I said, teasing her. "What homework are you working on? You're making me feel nervous with all the staring and writing."

She sighed a little, then rolled over so she was on her belly, resting her chin on her hands. "I have to do character sketches of the people in my life. I think that Irina is going to suggest I write MY story as my thesis. So, I need to observe and start compiling my information so I can start my write-up. I need to have it done before my meeting with her in a week."

I lay down beside her and rolled onto my side so I could see her. Her cheeks were pink. Was she embarrassed? I reached over and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "So, are you going to make me the hero or the bad guy? I'd make a kick-ass villain. I could be "The Sperminator" or "The Disappearing Jackass."

She turned away from me. "That's not funny, Edward. You're not a hero or a bad guy, you're human. I'm making you a human who is not without flaws. However," she finally turned back to face me and inched closer. "After last night and this morning, I might have to change that."

Leaning in a bit, her lips met mine and we kissed sweetly for a moment.

"It was certainly something," I muttered against her lips. "I don't remember you ever being that sensitive. I didn't realize it was possible for a woman to come so many times. I must have been doing something right."

I was teasing of course, but didn't let on that I was, because I wanted to see her reaction. She reached for the notebook and wrote something down.

"What does it say? _Edward Cullen, lover extraordinaire_?"

"No, it says, _Edward Cullen, egomaniac with a big dick._"

It was too hard to hold back the laughter, so I just let it go. I lay back and laughed aloud, pulling her into my arms. "I love you, Bella, God, do I ever love you."

"I'm glad. Now, if you were going to write mine, what would you say?"

I thought about it for a moment. "Isabella Swan, soon-to-be 23 year old woman, strong, beautiful, forgiving, smart, funny as hell, spunky, and mine. She underestimates herself entirely too much, and oh yeah, she's MINE."

Bella snuggled into me and sighed. "Thanks. I'm glad you think so."

"I don't think so, I KNOW so. You are truly an amazing creature, Bella. I hope one day you'll be able to see yourself that way."

"So, I noticed you mentioned that I'm soon-to-be 23."

I mumbled yes, as I nibbled the column of her beautiful neck.

"You know how I feel about birthdays, right?"

Uh oh. Time for some hardcore seducing to change the subject. I latched onto her earlobe and bit down lightly as I hitched her leg up over mine. "Mmm..." I mumbled.

"I…uh…I wanted to just…uhn, Edward can you…uh…please stop for a second?"

Shit. I stopped and she looked at me. "I want this year to be different. I want to celebrate."

"You what?" I nearly shouted, the shock of her statement hitting me like a ton of bricks. "You want a party?"

"Just the six of us, oh, maybe eight; I'd like to invite Angela and Ben. Would that be okay? I know you have me booked off for tomorrow and the girls already ate up some of your time last night."

I hugged her and smiled. "Of course. It's your birthday, it's your choice. I don't mind sharing in this case. I just can't believe you actually want to do something. You always used to fight us on it, even when you were a kid. I mean, what kid hates having birthday parties?

"What happened to change your mind?"

She gave me a quick kiss. "Irina said something that made me rethink my birthday Grinchiness. She was right."

"What did she say?"

"She said that the Fates saved me for some purpose and I shouldn't spit in their faces by not celebrating my life. Well, she didn't say it exactly like that, but it's close enough. It makes sense to me now. I've had so many second chances that I really should be rejoicing, appreciating, and commemorating it more often. I've been so driven over the years to prove everyone wrong that I've not really been living.

"So, here we are, another birthday upon me and I'm ready to really start living. I want to do things I've never done. I want to travel. I've had the means to do it; I just didn't want to use the insurance money. At first it was too hard to think about profiting or receiving enjoyment from their deaths, but I've realized that they'd want me to use the money to live, to do things, to be happy."

She sighed heavily and I felt her tremble. "It doesn't make the thought of why I have it any less painful, but I need to move on. Am I making sense?"

"Yes, Love, you're making perfect sense, and I couldn't be happier."

"So, instead of _happy birthday_, I think that people should say _encore, _because this is my encore, my return to life, my second chance—really. I didn't grasp it before because I really didn't think I had much to live for; I existed, I got by, but I wasn't really living. I should be dead—I was dead. I've wasted five years and I'm not wasting any more.

"Now you're back and I want to live even more. I want to go on adventures with you, watch sunsets, go camping, go bungee jumping, and more than anything, I want to remember what was but not let it run my life anymore.

"Are you with me?" she asked nervously.

"Every step."

"Thank you."

Bella crawled up and lay down on top of me, sighed, and hummed happily. "I love you, Edward."

"You too, Love."

_**Emmett**_

I paced nervously back and forth while I waited for my surprise for Bella's birthday. She'd never know what hit her.

Shit, I hope she doesn't have a seizure when she sees what I got her.

_**Alice**_

I paced nervously between the kitchen and dining room, making note of everything that needed to be done before the party, then mentally checked them off as they were completed.

"Jazzy, did you pick up the booze order?"

"Yes, Alice; Emmett helped me earlier," he replied as he set up folding chairs.

"Where is Emmett anyway?"

Jasper set down the chair he had just set up and sat down. "He mumbled something about needing to pick up something for his big surprise."

I huffed. "I hope his surprise doesn't offset the party or upset Bella any further than she'll already be."

He got up and hugged me. "Em wouldn't do anything to ruin your party, darlin'."

I pulled away and looked at him. "How well do you know him, Jazzy? Huh? About as well as I do. He'd better not do anything foolish."

"He won't, now calm down and let's get things set up so we can relax before the guests arrive."

Relax? Who was he kidding? I wouldn't be relaxing until the party was over. Now, where was Rose? She was supposed to help with the streamers.

_**Bella**_

We fell asleep on the beach in the rare afternoon sunlight. It was glorious—it felt as if my cold old creaky bones had finally thawed and my muscles felt renewed. It's incredible how a bit of natural light can help a hurting body and spirit. I felt fantastic.

Edward's phone rang, waking us up. He groaned when he answered it, talking cryptically to whoever was on the other end of the line.

"Who was that?"

"No one important. Want to get out of here? We have dinner reservations at six and we need to get changed."

"We do? Where?" I perked up at the mention of food. The light picnic we'd had was nice, but I was starved.

"You'll see when we get there. Now, come on, let's go."

We packed everything up and walked back to the car holding hands. I couldn't help but smile. The last twenty-four hours had been like a dream and I couldn't seem to shake my post-coital glow. If I had my way, Edward and I would run away, doff our clothes and live in naked bliss on a deserted island. We'd screw like rabbits until I would eventually get pregnant and we'd be able to rebuild our little family again.

My heart stuttered for a moment as I thought about us being a family without Emma. I heard myself gasp and realized when Edward stopped walking that he'd heard it too.

"What is it?"

I shook my head in an attempt to avoid crying. "N…nothing."

He crouched down to meet me at eye level. "It's not nothing. What is it?"

I bit my lip before saying her name in a reverent whisper.

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, I know, I was thinking about her earlier, when were on the beach. She loved playing at La Push."

Visions of the day Emma died flashed before my eyes. I remembered playing with her at the water's edge, laughing with her when she splashed my dad, drying her tears when she fell and skinned her knees.

"Bella?"

"I don't want to forget her, Edward, but I can't keep living like this. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did, but that's not saying much."

He pulled me to him and enveloped me in a loving hug. "I know, love, I feel the same way."

My gut was telling me that this was a bad idea, but I had to bring up what Irina had suggested. I was tired of living like a yo-yo. "My advisor asked if we'd ever done group therapy for grieving parents. When I told her that we hadn't, she thought we might benefit from it. What do you think?"

"Ugh, therapy," he groaned. "If you'd done as much therapy, both solo and group, as I did that month in the hospital, you'd say ugh too."

My heart fell; I had hoped that maybe he'd be open to it. I think I'd finally reached a point where I was ready for it, but he clearly wasn't willing to try. "Okay, maybe I'll go with Irina some night." I couldn't keep the disappointment out of my voice.

"No, no, Bella, I didn't say no, I'm just really skeptical when it comes to that kind of thing. It didn't work for me. I'm not saying that it won't help you, but I know it's not for me. I'll go, but…"

"Were you even open to it helping? No. You said yourself that you wouldn't talk to anyone, you weren't receptive. If I've learned anything over the years, it's that nothing works without an effort.

"When I was at rehab, I had to work my ass off for everything. If I hadn't put in any effort, I'd probably be in a wheelchair, physically crippled. Well, I'm tired of being emotionally crippled and tired of trying to explain my feelings to people who don't understand my pain. These people are feeling the same things we are. Wouldn't it be nice, Edward? Don't you ever get tired of having no one to talk to? This is a group of people like us, people who understand how profound of a loss it is to lose a child."

I caressed his cheek, looked deep into his eyes and saw just a tiny flicker of hope. "You don't have to come with me, but I've decided I want to go. I NEED to go."

His resolve broke. His eyes closed and a couple of tears squeezed out. "I'll try," he said gruffly, before opening his eyes again, "I'm tired of hurting too."

I held him as the wind gently embraced us in its salty dance on the beach, hoping to offer reassurance that we would be okay. We HAD to be okay.

"Let's go get ready for dinner," he finally said, kissing my head. "We don't want to miss our reservation."

Again, we walked hand-in-hand toward the car, but this time I felt light enough to float away on the breeze.

_**Alice**_

"Where the hell is Emmett?" I shrieked.

"I'm right here, Little One. What do you need me to do?" he said from behind, making me jump.

"Damn, Emmett, don't do that! My nerves are frayed enough. Where have you been?"

"I told you, getting ready for my surprise." He smiled so hard I thought his dimples might pop off.

"What's this big surprise anyway?" I hated being in the dark, especially when it could negatively impact the event I was planning.

"You'll have to wait and see. Again, I ask, what do you need me to do?"

That unsettling feeling of being totally overwhelmed hit me and I freaked a little. "We're running out of time!"

Emmett picked me up and twirled me around. "We've got lots of time, it's only seven. We have a whole hour!"

"No, I told Edward eight-thirty," I stated suspiciously.

He smirked at me and my stomach rolled fearing his response. "And I told him eight. Now, put me to work. Everything looks good already, so I don't know what you're worried about. The decorations look awesome, the booze it chillin', the food smells good enough to eat. Holy shit," he set me down and walked into the dining area. "Is that a chocolate fountain?"

"Yes, it is. Now stay away from it. Shit, I need to text everybody and tell them to get here before eight. I still need to shower and get ready, AND I need the stereo equipment to be set up. Can you do that for me?"

"I can't shower you, but I'll set up the tunes. Want me to text everyone?" he offered.

"Sure, the list is in my organizer on the counter in the kitchen. Just send out a mass text and we'll hope that everyone gets it."

"Gotcha."

"Where's Rosalie?" I called out as I raced toward my room.

"Getting ready. She'll be here soon. When she gets here I'll run home and change."

Jasper was walking toward the bathroom in a towel when I ran into him. "Hold up, I'm joining you," I shouted as I dashed into our room to grab my towel.

He had started the water by the time I was undressed. I stretched up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his head down for a kiss. "Thanks, baby," I said after we parted, letting out a sigh as the hot water began to relax my tense muscles. I don't know what the point of last night's massage was when tonight I was all tied up in knots again…"Oh Jasper…your hands are…baby, right there…between the shoulder blades." Oh yeah, I groaned as his fingers worked through the tight mess of muscles.

As one hand toiled at my back, the other moved down, around my rib cage, and onto my tiny, but oh-so-perky breasts, as he kissed my neck. "Mm…Jazzy, nice."

He chuckled against my skin, sending a shiver tearing through me. "Mm," I moaned again, moving his hand from my chest down to where I really needed him. I sighed aloud as his fingers deftly teased me while the hot water cascaded over us. Soon he was three fingers deep, thrusting me toward a quick but powerful orgasm. Not caring that anyone else was in the house, I cried out loudly as I shuddered against him.

"Thank you," I muttered hazily. I turned around and kissed him forcefully to show my appreciation. As I did so, my right hand moved to stroke him, but he stopped me. "No, darlin', let me deal with that. You need to get ready. I just wanted you to relax a little."

"I love you, you selfless man. Thank you."

"No worries. Now, why don't we wash up so you can get out of here?"

I couldn't help but smile. I had the best man in the world, and for ten minutes I was able to forget that a potential fiasco was awaiting me outside the door.

_**Bella**_

"I can't thank you enough, Edward, dinner was fantastic." I sat gushing in the passenger seat of the Volvo, as my handsome man sat smiling beside me. He had taken me to the most incredible Italian restaurant; the food and service was sublime. Nobody made any attempt to eye-fuck either one of us, which was a great treat.

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it. So, shall we head over to your place to see what the others are up to?"

"Yeah, we should. Alice said that Rose and Em were over and they were about to crack open the Pictionary. I told her to wait until we got there."

He reached over and took my hand in his. "Sounds great."

"Are you sure you don't want to run home and change?" Edward was still in dress pants, a button-down shirt, and argyle sweater-vest. "Are you sure you'll be comfortable? I don't know about you, but I'm tossing this dress and throwing on my sweats as soon as we get in the door."

"Yes, I'll be fine, besides, Jasper and I are built similarly; I could always borrow something of his."

As we pulled into the yard, I noticed several familiar-looking cars parked down the street. "Is that Angela and Ben's Malibu?"

"Hmm?" Edward hummed, distracted. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. I think I'm losing my marbles. Let's get inside so I can toss these shoes. My feet are killing me."

Edward rushed over to open my door, and when I stood, he pulled me up into his arms, bridal style, and carried me toward the house. "Hey, put me down!"

He smiled crookedly at me. "You said your feet were hurting. I just thought I'd help. Shall I put you down?"

"Please?"

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, I think I'll just carry you in, right past the others, straight to your bedroom." He leaned in for a kiss, which I gladly gave him because the thought of going to bed with him sounded better than playing Pictionary.

We were still kissing when he opened the door, and were going at it hard enough that I barely noticed the loud scream of ENCORE until I heard the one voice I hadn't expected to hear.

"Happy Birthday, Bella."

* * *

**_Yes, a cliffie. This is a very un-me thing to do, and I'd like to say I'm sorry, but I'm not. After reading so many fics that end each chapter on a cliffie, I realized that I'm too easy on you guys. Time to toughen you up._**

**_Okay, so I'm lying. I'm just being evil._**

**_Actually, this was the most logical place to end the chapter._**

**_SO, BIG NEWS! There is a new blog by a wonderful and talented group of Twific writers who call themselves _The Edge Girls_ that's devoted to Twific and other related goodness. Encore is being rec'ed on their blog in March! I was tickled pink, purple, orange, neon beige, and all of that. So, I think y'all should head over there and check out their site. It's just getting off the ground, but I am anticipating great things from these girls. You can find them at www (dot) theedgegirls (dot) blogspot (dot) com._**

**_This week's recs..._**

**_The Naked Guy Upstairs _by AngryBadgerGirl (LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!)  
_Daniel Gale: Cumming to America_ by danielgalehoors (who doesn't love a story with Daniel Gale and the Twilight gang?)**

**and I know I've rec'ed this before, but I just love it so much... _Eight Days a Week_ by 107yearoldvirgin**


	22. Chapter 22

**So...who do you think it was that was waiting for Bella at her surprise party? It's time to find out.**

**As always, big love to Katmom who has gone above and beyond her beta duties for me this week, talking me down a few times when I was ready to fling myself in front of a garbage truck, and to Minnakoda who is FINALLY back from trekking around the world. I missed you, A. Don't leave me again!**

* * *

_**Bella**_

"Esme!?"

Edward almost dropped me when I shrieked. He looked totally baffled when he said, "Mom?"

Esme ran toward us, tears streaming down her face. I shoved away from Edward and stumbled blindly in her direction, sobbing. "Esme!"

"Bella, sweetie," she cried out as we hugged each other so hard we fell in a heap on the floor. My heart was racing and my mind reeled as she held me. "Oh my sweet girl. My sweet, sweet, Bella. I've missed you so much."

I was too overcome to speak as I clung to her, too afraid to let her go. If I was dreaming, I didn't want to wake up. Her love radiated through me and I could feel that another part of my broken heart mended at that moment.

"Esme…I…" I cried again, too caught up in the tsunami of emotions raging through me.

I felt Edward approaching and then he was helping me to my feet. "Are you okay?"

Turning around to face him, I looked at him through wet eyes. "Did you know about this?"

"I knew about the party, but I had no idea about Mom. Man, Mom, it's so good to see you!" he lurched forward to hug her.

Emmett caught my eye. He was standing off in a corner hiding his face in Rose's hair. I ran to him and threw myself into his arms. "Emmy, did you do this?"

He had been crying and by the looks of it, so had Rose. Strong arms held me and a deep, quiet, and very un-Emmett-like voice said, "Happy birthday, Baby Girl."

"Thank you, Emmy. Thank you so fucking much. I love my surprise and I love you."

"Love you too," he said, his words muffled in my hair.

When he set me back on the ground I was enveloped in a huge hug by a whole whack of people, all wishing me a Happy Birthday. I was able to look up from the melee of well-wishers at one point to find Edward and Esme still hugging and talking on the love seat. They were both smiling and crying.

Alice made her way over and gave me a tearful hug. "I hope you're not mad about the party. We just really wanted to do something nice; the past month has been so crazy and emotional and…oh my Gods you had SEX!"

"Sh…Alice, not everyone needs to know, especially Esme."

Alice dragged me off to the kitchen. "I'm sure she knows, Bells, I mean you DID make her a grandmother at a terribly young age. Now, DISH! How was it? Oh my God, oh my God, OMG!" She was bouncing up and down, rambling so fast that she ended up practically chanting in text-speak. "IDK about you but that's a reason to celebrate with your BFFs."

"Can I have a few minutes with Esme before I put my party hat on? I haven't seen her in four years. Oh my God, did you know she was coming?"

Alice shook her head. "No clue. That Emmett is one sneaky bastard. You go talk to her for a bit while I get this party started. If you're gone too long I'll come find you."

"I hate to bail on my own party, but…"

"No worries. Go," she said, pushing me out of the kitchen. I hugged her gratefully.

"Thanks, Alice, for everything. This is really great."

_**Esme**_

I couldn't believe my eyes when the closest thing I'd ever had to a daughter walked into the house—her own house at that. My little girl was all grown up and yet she barely looked a day older than the last time I had seen her.

"She looks good, Edward," I observed to Edward.

He smiled and nodded. "She really does."

I took his hands in mine and squeezed them tightly. "So do you, sweetheart. You haven't looked this alive since before the police knocked on the door." Raising a hand, I cupped his cheek and stroked it gently. "You've got colour in your cheeks again…" My jaw dropped open when I realized why. "Oh dear, you two had sex didn't you? Edward!" I slapped his arm playfully.

He blushed furiously and tried to hide his face.

"Don't, sweetie, don't hide. It's okay. I hope you were a gentleman about it, and for God's sake, please tell me you used protection."

I had to laugh at his reaction. "Please Mom, not here, not now. Can we PLEASE discuss this later?"

A part of me rejoiced that I still had the motherly ability to mortify my children. I high-fived my inner maternal tormentor.

"Where did my little girl go?" I asked him as I craned my neck around him, straining to find Bella in the crowd.

"I think Alice dragged her off. I'm sure she'll be right back."

"Alice is the little energetic one, right?"

Edward nodded.

"Her man is the tall, lanky Southern charmer?"

Again, he nodded. "His name is Jasper."

"Right, Jasper. I knew that."

He laughed at me and kissed my cheek. "Did you meet Rosalie yet?"

I couldn't help but beam. "Briefly. She's stunning, and I have NEVER seen your brother so smitten with someone. I hope he doesn't screw this up. He's getting up there and I want more grandbabies." I paused for a moment to gauge his reaction. When he grimaced, I added, "That's not to say I'm looking for you to knock Bella up again any time soon."

Edward looked shocked and I winked at him.

"Esme!"

Bella came running over and jumped in between us on the love seat. "Why don't we go to my room where it's not as loud?"

Edward kissed her and my heart swelled. It damn near exploded when Bella blushed and batted her eyelashes at him. My babies were back together, finally, and after five years of holding my breath, I was finally able to exhale.

_**Bella**_

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked as I laced my fingers gently through Esme's. We walked toward my room, smiling and chatting while Edward went off to round us up some drinks.

"He's sorry he couldn't make it, sweetheart. He had to work. You know our Carlisle, always on the go. I swear that man never stops."

As excited as I was to have Esme there, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed that Carlisle hadn't made it.

"He's taking Thanksgiving off, dear, if you're still planning to come to Forks."

I squeezed her hand. "Of course!"

We reached my bedroom door and I felt a little nervous about how she'd react to its meager décor, seeing as she was an award-winning interior designer and I was functioning on a truly minimalistic vision.

"Oh, Bella, it's beautiful," she cooed, walking toward my bed.

"It's just a bed, Esme."

She turned to face me. "Minimalist, Bella?"

"Yeah, I didn't want any distractions. I liked the dark wood so I went with it. Come, sit."

We sat on the bed and exhaled loudly at the same moment. "I'm really sorry, Esme. I don't know how to say it, to express it so it doesn't sound hollow. I didn't mean to hurt you, Carlisle, or Emmett."

She reached over and gently tugged at my head until it rested on her shoulder. "I am only going to ask one thing of you, sweetie, and I don't know if tonight is the right time to do it."

"Please, Esme, tell me what I can do?"

Edward entered the room with drinks and set them down on the nightstand. I pulled him down to sit beside me. "Please, Esme?"

She sighed. "Sweetie, I really think this would be best saved for another day. I'm here until Tuesday. Why don't we talk about it tomorrow or Monday?"

I was frustrated, but agreed to discussing it, whatever it was, later.

"So, Bella, what have you been up to for the past four years?"

I laughed. "I'd say not much, but that would be a lie. I enrolled in university when I left Forks, and ended up with Alice as a roommate."

"Oh," Esme gushed, "she seems like a real sweetie. I loved her the second I met her. She's bubbly, full of great energy."

"Yeah," I said, smiling, "you could say that. Well, Alice and Rosie put up with me and my, uh, limitations that first foundation year. I managed to pass with flying colours and found that things were gradually getting easier for me. When I felt more at ease, I took the job at the store."

Esme shook her head. "I still can't believe my girl is a porn peddler."

"Not anymore," added Edward. "She finished this week."

"Oh," Esme looked a little disappointed, which confused me. "I had hoped that maybe you'd take me down to the shop to see about spicing up my love life."

Edward's eyes grew huge as he practically screeched, "MOM!"

Esme and I giggled so hard that we fell over on the bed. Edward continued to stare at us, still very much in shock.

"Come on, son, you kids aren't the only ones getting your freaks on," she said, then turned to me. "That IS how you kids say it, right?"

I laughed so hard I snorted. "Oh God, Esme, I've really missed you."

Her arms wrapped around me as she held me tight. "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. I'll stay as long as you'll let me."

That did it. The dam broke and I started to sob. Edward and his mother held me between them as the three of us rocked and cried together.

"All that matters is today, my sweet little girl, all is forgiven."

I have no idea how long we stayed like that, but again I was finding that I didn't want to let her go. Alice eventually knocked on the door and entered quietly. "Bells, everyone is looking for you. Come on you guys, let me and Rosie fix your faces."

Rose and Alice pried us from Edward's arms and shooed him out the door. "Now, let's clean you two up; you look like a couple of raccoons. We can't have the birthday girl looking like she's been crying," Alice said as she fussed over me.

I looked over at Rose who was looking a little nervous dealing with Esme. I smiled when she took Rose's hand in hers and smiled. "Sweetheart, it's okay; you can relax. I'm not some crazy old bird who is looking to sabotage her boys' relationships. I like you. I like what you've done for both my boys and my Bella. Please give me a hug and toss the nerves out the window."

Rose exhaled loudly and smiled at Esme before hugging her. "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen. I love him so much. I hope you know that. He's changed my life."

Esme patted her back. "He feels the same about you, sweetie. You're good for him. I haven't seen him smile like that in years. My baby has carried a burden for so long and now he finally looks so happy and light. Thank you for loving him. Oh, and please call me Esme."

"Thanks for being so awesome." Rose pulled out of the hug and wiped her eyes. "Aw geez, now I'm all raccoon-eyed too."

"Actually," Esme said, inspecting Rose's face, "you look perfect."

As soon as we were up and ready to face the world, we walked back out to the party where it seemed everyone was having a blast. Alice had set up Rock Band in one corner of the living room and a group of guys were playing and laughing. Tyler looked up from the drums and waved. "Happy Birthday, Boss!"

"Thanks, Tyler!"

I looked into the dining room and saw Emmett making a move to dip his face into the chocolate fountain.

"FREEZE CULLEN!" Alice screamed. "No swimming in the fountain. Esme, can you please control your son?"

Esme laughed as she swatted his bottom. "Behave, Emmett. You're going to make everyone think I didn't teach you any manners. At least have the courtesy to use a utensil or a pineapple spear."

Emmett pulled his head away from the trickling chocolate. "Aw, Ma! You ruin all my fun." He then stomped his foot like one of his petulant second graders.

I couldn't help but laugh at the lively banter between mother and son. It was so refreshing, and again, I found that another little piece of my heart was mending.

Warm arms wrapped around my waist and my hair stood on end. A shiver ran through me as I settled back into Edward's chest.

"What's so funny?" he breathed into my ear, bringing on a whole new wave of goose bumps.

"Your family."

I felt him smile against my neck. "No, love, OUR family. You've always been a part of it. Hopefully someday you'll let me make you a Cullen by name."

Uh…hmm…brain? Did he just pre-propose? My brain quickly scanned through what he had just said and came to the conclusion that yes, he had in fact, just proposed a future proposal. I turned around, planted a big kiss on his incredible lips, and sighed. "Mm, you've been into the chocolate fountain, haven't you?"

He smiled against my lips and sighed. "Busted."

"Mm, I like it. Maybe later we can take a dip in it."

I was suddenly ripped from Edward's arms and dragged off by Alice. "Come on, Bells, you can sex up Edward later. Let's party!"

What a party it was. There was a drink in my hands at all times as I was passed along like a bong at a Frat house. The crowd consisted mainly of people from school. I didn't know a lot of them, but they were friendly enough. Everyone was happy and having a great time, including me, which was surprising because I usually hated these things. I hated being the centre of attention, but I think having Esme and Edward nearby kept me calm.

Big hands covered my eyes at one point and I freaked out a little. Okay, I freaked out a lot—I was drunk and stumbly and blind, which is not a good combination.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," a deep male voice whispered.

"Adam? If that's you, I'm going to ask you one time, and one time only to kindly remove your hands from my eyes before I castrate you."

The hands immediately left my face. For some reason I had known it was him. I turned around and slapped him across the face.

"HEY! What's up with that? You promised you'd never slap me again!"

"DON'T. EVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN." I hissed at him.

"Sorry," he whined, rubbing his cheek. "I didn't know that you didn't enjoy surprises." He pulled something out of his back pocket. "Here, happy birthday."

I felt bad for a second as I watched him walk away. When I opened the card I felt worse. He had bought me a gift card to my favourite little independent bookstore. Inside the card he wrote, _Soon we'll be buying YOUR books here. Until then, enjoy someone else's hard work. Don't forget me when you become a star, because I know that's your destiny._

I'm an asshole.

Familiar arms wrapped around my waist again and I sighed as I leaned drunkenly into Edward. "I'm an asshole."

"Mm…no, I can't say that I agree, love. You're anything but an asshole if you ask me. You're like the anti-asshole." He nibbled at my earlobe. "You taste quite sweet to me."

I groaned as I melted further into his embrace. "I slapped him again."

Edward tensed behind me. "What did he do this time?"

Turning around in his arms, I planted a chaste kiss on his chest. "He surprised me, I kind of overreacted. Then he gave me this." I handed him the card, which he read silently before sighing.

"Yeah, you're a bit of an asshole, love. Go find him, talk to him."

"Really?"

Edward smiled at me before speaking. "Yes, I don't necessarily have to like him, but I can't fault him for having good taste in women. His card seems sincere enough. So, go—if you don't you'll be kicking yourself in the ass for it."

I kissed his nose and returned his smile. "Thanks, baby. I love YOU."

"And I love you. Go. I'll be hanging out with Mom. Man, I can't believe she's still here. It's almost eleven."

"She's not THAT old, Edward. I'll be back soon."

I left the safe and wonderful confines of Edward's embrace and drunkenly weaved my way through the crowd, chit-chatting with various people as I looked for Adam. Tyler informed me after swinging me around that he'd seen _the morose motherfucker_ moping on the swings out back. I grabbed myself a sweater as I walked out the sliding doors onto the deck, then stumbled into the dimly-lit yard. Adam was, in fact, looking pretty sullen as he twirled around on Alice's swing, a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to…" he began to apologize but I stopped him.

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slap you again. I'm pretty drunk, off-balance, and you startled me. If it makes you feel any better, I would have slapped anyone who would have done it. I don't do well with blindfolding, it knocks off my balance." I moved toward my swing. "May I join you?"

"Be my guest. It's your swing." He sounded really bummed out.

"I'm sorry I'm such an asshole, Adam. I told you that I've got problems."

"I wasn't warned that a violent streak was one of them. Am I going to have to take out a restraining order on you, Swan? Should I get a peace bond? I honestly don't know if my face and my male ego can survive much more. I'm bruised, emasculated, and…"

I grabbed the beer from his hand and took a drink. "And don't forget melodramatic. Christ, Dick, get a grip."

He grabbed his bottle back and laughed. "Okay, okay, fuck, you're an enigma aren't, you, Swan?"

"Pardon me?" I pushed off and began swinging.

"I said," he grunted as he pushed off as well, "you're a bit of an enigma. An enigma wrapped in a sweater, wrapped in bubble wrap."

I threw my head back and laughed aloud, not caring that my hair was dragging in the dirt. "That makes no sense, DICK."

"And neither do you, SWAN."

We both laughed and kept swinging until I head Edward clear his throat. "Bella? Mom would like to see you."

I skidded to a stop, then watched as Adam also slowed. I held out a fist and he bumped it. "We cool, buddy?" I asked.

He smiled. "Yup. Just keep that fist away from my face and we're fine."

Edward walked in front of me and extended his hand—but not to me, instead, it hovered before a very shocked Adam. "Thanks, Adam."

"Uh, for what?"

"For not being a creep." Edward grinned at him.

Poor Adam looked confused as he shook the hand before him cautiously.

I gave him a quick hug and thanked him for the gift before allowing Edward to piggyback me into the house, where I saw the coolest thing ever: Emmett was on drums, Rose on guitar, Alice on guitar, and Esme shrieking _You Oughta Know_ by Alanis Morrissette. She was really rocking out, hell, they all were. I grabbed a beer off the breakfast bar and stumbled over to join them. I never had any clue at all that Esme was into 90s female angst-rock. She was shaking her bronze hair as she rocked back and forth, her body contorting in a perfect recreation of Alanis' grungy, gyrating and spastic pacing. The biggest shock was when she yelled the line, _are you thinking of me when you FUCK HER!_ I thought hazily for a moment that I'd stepped into the _Twilight Zone_.

Everyone at the party went crazy when the song was over. "ENCORE!" "ENCORE!" "ESME ROCKS!"

"Oh, I think I'm done," she said, as she wiped some sweat from her brow, "but thanks, everyone. That was a lot of fun. Bella dear, seeing as it's your party, I think you should go next."

The crowd began to chant my name and I knew my face was probably as red as a tomato. Normally, I wouldn't do it, but hell, it was my freaking birthday and I was good and drunk. Why the hell not. I mouthed the name of the song I wanted to do to Emmett, who grinned and cued it up.

At the memorable and very well-known opening riffs of _Alive_ by Pearl Jam blared out of the speakers, everybody went nuts. Edward was leaning against the fireplace chuckling as I channeled my inner early-90s Eddie Vedder and rocked the shit out of that song. I was banging my head and whipping my hair around as I jumped and crawled on my party guests. I ended up sprawled out in Ben and Angela's laps, as the three of us sang our hearts out.

I climbed off them and made my way back to Edward for the end of the song. As soon as the singing part ended, I tossed the mic on the ground, jumped gracefully up into Edward's arms and kissed him as his hands came down around my ass and supported me while I wrapped my legs around his waist. I could feel that he was hard as a rock and I couldn't help but smile.

BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.

_**Edward**_

Bella shocked me when she grabbed the microphone and sang Pearl Jam, and then again when she started drunkenly flailing on her party guests while she sang. However, the icing on the cake was when she threw herself at me. Okay, I have to admit that I was instantly hard when her eyes locked on mine as she stumbled toward me, and I quirked an eyebrow at her when she so very nonchalantly tossed the mic to the side and jumped me.

I hadn't planned on palming her ass like that, but her dress hiked up and I'm pretty sure that everyone at the party got a nice view of her lacy black thong, or rather, the very tiny piece of fabric flossing her perfect ass cheeks. Those are MY ass cheeks to ogle and no one else's.

She kissed me with abandon and had there not been a room full of people making catcalls and inappropriate comments, I'd have likely taken her right then and there. Instead, as Emmett took over singing duties and launched into a drunken rendition of _Lump_ by The Presidents of the United States of America, I carried her into her room for a moment to decompress.

"Mm…are we going to fuuuck?" she mumbled as she fumbled with my shirt.

"No, love, I thought maybe you'd want to take a breather, drink some water, maybe put on some pants."

Bella lay back on the bed and huffed. "Party pooper. Why aren't you drunk like me?"

"I needed to stay sober so I can drive Mom home to my house when she tires of the shenanigans, although it's not looking like that's going to happen any time soon." I said, shaking my head.

"Nooo…" she wailed. "Esme can stay here. Please?"

"I'll mention it to her. Maybe I can run home and pick up her bag."

Bella sat up and yelled, her eyes huge. "NOOOOOO! Don't leave! What if…"

I ran to her side and held her. She was shaking and biting her lip. "What if what, love?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, turning away from me. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing, Bella. What if what?"

"What if you die?"

She said it so quietly in such a tiny, fragile voice that I barely heard her.

"I'm not going to die, Bella. Where is this coming from?"

"They didn't think they were going to die either, but they did."

"Oh, Bella, please, don't think about that tonight. We're celebrating LIFE tonight—your life. I won't leave tonight if that will make you happy, okay?"

She wiped her wet cheek on my shirt. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, love."

"Bathroom."

"Bathroom?"

"Gonna puke."

Oh shit.

So, while Alice sang _Today_ by the Smashing Pumpkins, Bella unleashed her dinner, what looked like some fruit and chocolate, and about a quart of booze. She puked and puked as I rubbed her back and cleaned her up between hurls with a cool cloth. Mom came in with some warm water and sat with her while I explained to Alice what was going on. She wanted to send everyone home, but I told her not to. Everyone was having a great time, so there was no point in cutting it short.

When I returned to the bedroom, Esme was helping Bella change into some yoga pants and a t-shirt.

"Are you feeling any better, love?"

She smiled weakly at me. "Yes, actually I do."

Bella leaned over and Mom hugged her. "You've just had a little too much to drink. You'll be okay now that you've got a lot of it out of your tummy."

"Thanks, Esme. I'm sorry you had to see it. I don't know what possessed me to drink so much."

Mom laughed. "It's your birthday party, of course you're going to drink." She yawned. "Would you mind terribly if I claimed the guest bedroom?"

"No, not at all. There should be fresh sheets in there, and I can give you some pajamas to wear." Bella stood, but promptly sat back down. "I'm okay, just give me a second. Um, Edward, sweetie? Can you grab some PJs from the second drawer?"

I dug around through a pile of boy shorts and camisoles until I came across some pink flannels. I handed them to Mom, who smiled before giving Bella kiss on the cheek.

"I'll see you in the morning, sweetie. Sleep well. I love you."

"I love you too, Esme. If the party gets too loud, just bang on the wall."

I hugged my mom before leading her to the guest room, which luckily hadn't been claimed by an overzealous couple. "You might want to lock the door in case someone…"

Mom laughed. "I was young once too, sweetheart. Now, go and take care of our girl. I love you."

I melted in her embrace and smiled as my mom's love radiated through me. How I had managed to keep her love was a mystery. I had broken her heart innumerable times and yet she continued to endure me. I felt myself getting choked up, so I pulled out of her embrace before I was reduced to a simpering, weepy mess. "I love you too, Mom. Sleep well."

Bella was lying down when I entered her room. "Bella, love, are you awake?"

"Mm-hm," she mumbled. "C'mere."

I approached the bed and sat beside her as softly as I possibly could, so as to avoid jostling her in case she was still feeling sick. She looked better—her colour had returned, so her freckles weren't nearly as pronounced. There were still dark circles under her eyes, though. I found my finger drawn to trace them, although almost afraid of losing her eyes in the dark cavernous bruises.

Bella sighed and tugged on my arm so I'd lay beside her. I scooted down and rolled up on my side so I was facing her. I traced her cheekbones, poked gently at her freckles, and allowed my fingers to explore her face. She remained fairly still; a slight twitch of her lips indicated when I hit a ticklish spot.

"Beautiful," I breathed into her ear as I moved closer. I watched as goose bumps appeared on her bare arms, and as her nipples pebbled beneath the cotton of her t-shirt. A soft moan escaped her lips, and then she shuddered as my teeth grazed her earlobe. Her pink tongue poked out from between her lips and I wanted to taste it.

I kissed my way over to her mouth where I could taste and feel the lingering minty burning of mouthwash. My lips gently pressed against hers, sucking just a little bit of her luscious bottom lip until she gasped. My tongue slowly dipped in past her open lips and scraped over her teeth until her warm tongue made contact with mine. We both moaned at the same time and our hands reached for purchase in each other's hair. Where I was content to run my fingers languidly through her long silky tresses, her nails scratched insistently on my scalp, urging me to increase the pace.

But I wouldn't. I wasn't going to go any further than this tonight. Although I knew she was as into it as I was, I wasn't going to make love to my drunk soul mate, and I wasn't going to fuck her either.

"More," she begged, writhing beside me.

"Later, love. Can't this be enough?"

"Never enough," she gasped as she hitched her leg over mine.

"We have forever, my love. I'm never leaving you again. I can't."

She stilled in my arms for a brief moment. "Okay."

Bella sat up slowly and smiled. "By the sounds of it, there's still a party going on out there and I'm thirsty. Let's go."

Shock at her sudden change in demeanor must have changed the expression on my face because she laughed. "Oh, Edward, your face is priceless. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I guess. Wow, talk about whiplash. "Are you feeling okay?"

She paused. "Well, I've got a minor case of the dizzies, my stomach is sore and empty, and my lover has cockblocked me on my birthday. Yeah, I'm okay. I don't want Alice to be too upset. She's gone to so much trouble to put this party together, the least I can do is be around for part of it."

"Need a hand?" I asked as I sat up.

"Can you give me a lift?" she asked cutely as she cocked an eyebrow at me and scrunched up her nose.

I got off the bed and knelt on the floor with my back to her. "Your chariot awaits, although you may want to throw on a hoodie before we head out there."

"Why?"

"You might take someone's eyes out with your rock-hard nipples."

I heard laughter, then felt a slap. "Edward!"

It was hard not to chuckle as she sighed. The bed dipped behind me and I heard fabric moving as I assumed she was putting on a sweater. She crawled onto my back and slapped my ass. "Giddy up!"

The party was, in fact, still going on, although it seemed to have lost some of its steam, and about half of its guests, which frankly suited me just fine. My brother was feeding chocolate strawberries to Rosalie, who was seated in his lap running her fingers through his hair and whispering to him between bites.

Alice and Jasper were sitting on the love seat in a similar position, only there was no food being consumed. They sat and stared at each other intensely, some strange non-verbal communication passing between them.

Ben and Angela were making out on one end of the couch, while Tyler and some other girl occupied the other end. Hmm, this had turned into a junior high make-out party rather quickly.

Adam was the only person who noticed our return. "BELLER!" he slurred, "you're back. Happpppeeee birrrrday. I need to do something something."

He staggered to the TV and the Xbox, removing one disc and awkwardly putting in another. Bella's grip on me tightened as we moved further into the room.

"What's he up to?" Rosalie asked as she walked over to join us.

I shook my head. "I have no idea. How much has he had to drink?"

Emmett stood beside Rose, embracing her from behind and resting his chocolate-spattered chin on her shoulder. "No clue, brother. Obviously more than the rest of us."

Bella stayed quiet as she remained attached to my back. The music began and the opening bass-line tipped us off immediately to what was to come. Bella groaned, Rosalie sighed, and Emmett exhaled loudly.

The couples making out on the couch stopped what they were doing and stared in awe at the drunk spectacle before them.

"Dude, not _Creep_!" Emmett said. "I'll never enjoy Radiohead the same way again!"

Adam began to sing, or rather slur the words.

_When you were here before,__  
__Couldn't look you in the eye__  
__You're just like an angel,__  
__Your skin makes me cry_

Adam clutched his chest and hung his head, as if he was crying. I felt Bella give a humpf atop me and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

_You float like a feather__  
__In a beautiful world__  
__I wish I was special__  
__You're so fuckin' special__  
_

When he screamed out the _fuckin'_ I thought for sure that Esme would wake up, run out and scold him for cursing, but she didn't. Adam's body began to thrash around as he sang the chorus, and I heard Emmett chuckling beside me, mumbling to Rose, who also began to laugh. I didn't think it was funny, Adam was making an ass of himself, and of Bella. He was just lucky there weren't a lot of people still at the house.

_But I'm a creep,__  
__I'm a weirdo__  
__What the hell am I doin' here?__  
__I don't belong here__  
_

I groaned as he pulled back into himself and sang as if his heart was breaking. Bella was shaking on my back, but I couldn't tell if she was laughing, crying, or trembling out of anger.

_I don't care if it hurts,__  
__I wanna have control__  
__I want a perfect body_

Adam ran his hands over his buff body, then he clutched his chest for the next line:

_I want a perfect soul. _

Oh my God, he didn't just do that. This got cheesier by the moment. It was a good thing none of us were lactose intolerant because if that were the case, we'd all have a serious case of the shits by now._I want you to notice__  
__when I'm not around__  
__You're so fuckin' special__  
__I wish I was special__  
_  
The rest was a garbled mess of run-on words and nonsense. I wasn't able to understand what he was saying again until he launched into a very loud wailing of the _She run run run run...run... run... _part.

To say I was mortified was an understatement; however, when he looked up at Bella for the last sotto part, a very small part of me felt bad for him. Bella was pretty spectacular and to lose out on her love is a horrible thing. I couldn't fault him for having great taste.

_Whatever makes you happy__  
__Whatever you want__  
__You're so fuckin' special__  
__I wish I was special__But I'm a creep,__  
__I'm a weirdo__  
__What the hell am I doin' here?__  
__I don't belong here__I don't belong here..._

Nope, he didn't belong here. He was out of place, out of his league, and out of luck.

Adam slumped to the floor, and Bella huffed. "Oh, good Lord," Bella sighed from my back. "Let me down, please."

I looked over my shoulder at her. "You sure?"

_**Bella**_

I kissed Edward's stubbly cheek. "Yes, I'm sure. Stay here."

Edward released my legs and I slowly slid down the muscled plane of his back until my feet hit the floor. I took a moment to steady myself—I was still a little drunk despite the power-puking, but my head felt clear enough to deal with the train wreck on the floor.

"Adam, get up," I said, nudging him with a toe.

"Did you hear the song I sang for you? I mean it, I'm a creep Bella, I'm a weirdo, and I'm sorry but I jusss really like you and you chose HIM an' not me. I did stuffs and I'm sorry. I'm not really a jerk, at least not all the time. I wanna be your friend. Please?"

Oh good Lord, he was the most pathetic creature I had ever laid my eyes on. He was incredibly drunk, he was dirty, his eyes were red, swollen, and now full of tears. I knelt down beside him and allowed him to hug me.

"Bellsss, I'm really not a jerk. You make me nuts because you don't want me. Why don't you want me? He sobbed into my shoulder. I looked to Edward, who merely shrugged.

"Um, well, Adam, we've already discussed this. I am, and always have been, in love with Edward."

He pulled back and looked at me. "But I'm prettier than he is! Right? I mean, don't get me wrong, but he's just a handsome fella, but I'm gor-geous."

I found it hard not to snicker when he over-emphasized the word gorgeous. Looking at him at that moment I could see that he wasn't gorgeous in the least; he was pathetic, sad, and terribly disheveled. I cupped his blotchy red cheek and smiled. "You're pretty, Adam, but you're not Edward. I LOVE him. He is my soul mate."

"But…but…but he…" I cut off his stammering with a hand. I couldn't let him finish, otherwise I would slap him again.

"DO. NOT. SAY. IT. Adam, I'm not having this discussion with you anymore. Never again. This is a dead horse that we're done flogging. I'm trying to be your friend, but you're making it very, very hard, buddy. Now, you need to sober up. Thanks for the serenade, now let's get you some water and call a taxi for you."

Rose appeared at my side with a bottle of water. "Bells, he's pretty wasted. Maybe he should crash here."

I thought about it for a moment. "Okay. Alice, Jasper? Can you grab a blanket and pillow for our friend here?" I turned back to Adam, whose eyes were drooping. "Adam, get up and you can sleep on the love seat."

"No. Floor is fine." He slipped out of my grip and his head hit the floor with a sickening thud. Jasper slid a pillow under his head and arranged him so he was on his side with his back to the raised hearth of the fireplace.

"So he won't roll onto his back and choke in case he pukes," he explained. I smiled at him and his thoughtfulness, even as drunk as he was.

Ben, Angela, Tyler, and his partner in tongue wrestling all chose that moment to say their goodbyes and escape before any further drama unfurled.

"Hap…hic…py…hic…birthd…hic…ay, Bella…hic," Angela hiccupped as she hugged me. "Gr…hic…gr…hic…great part…hic…y."

I laughed as I hugged her. "Thanks, Ang. You're pretty loaded, aren't you? Ben, take care of my girl."

Ben smiled. "I plan on it," he said, cupping her ass.

Tyler hugged me next. "Thanks for the boss party, Boss. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Don't be a stranger, got it?"

"Yes, Tyler, I got it. Thanks for coming."

He laughed. "It was worth it to see you do Eddie Vedder. Man, that was awesome! Remind me to invite you over next time we play Rock Band, cuz you, my Bella, are a rock goddess."

He shook hands with Edward, Emmett, and fist-bumped Jasper. His "friend" gave us a weak smile as she followed him out.

So the house was cleared before two in the morning. Not bad. Alice's parties had been known to last for days. Aside from the snoring Dick on the floor, we were just family left.

Family. Yup, that sounded about right. These people were my family and this had been a wonderful birthday party, even if I had slapped someone, crowd-surfed while singing, puked my guts out, and then had a steamy cockblocking session with Edward.

I smiled as he pulled me in for a kiss. "Ready for bed, love?"

"Yes, I think so. Alice? What about clean up?"

She waved me off. "We got it. I think Emmett has licked the chocolate fountain clean."

Emmett smiled sheepishly. "What can I say? I love chocolate!"

Everyone converged together for a group hug.

"I love you guys," I said with as much feeling as I could muster.

"We love you, Bella," they chorused. "Encore!"

* * *

**That was quite the party, eh? I wonder how the aftermath will look? Stay tuned, and THANK YOU for reading and loving this story. I don't know if I thank you guys enough, but I appreciate each and every one of you.**

**Before I get too weepy sappy on y'all, here are my fic recs for the week:**

**I just discovered: _FALLING FOR YOU by_ GreenEyedGirl17**

**And one of my favourites, _TIDES_ by lambcullen just finished up. As sad as I was for it to end, it was a great story.  
**


	23. Chapter 23

_**Thanks for the wonderful reviews last chapter. I'm so happy you guys had fun at Bella's birthday party.**_

_**It's still Bella's birthday, and the surprises keep on coming.**_

_**Big thanks, mad props, and huge hugs to my super team of Katmom and Minnakoda. You are the wind beneath my wings, ladies.

* * *

**_

_**Bella**_

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

I ran my hands over the muscles of his chest and abs, enjoying how it felt to feel them contracting beneath my touch. "How did they know about _encore_? How did they know that's what I wanted to hear?"

His chest suddenly started to buzz as he hummed thoughtfully. "A little birdie told them?"

Locating a nipple in the dark, I tweaked it and he yelped. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Being cheeky. Was this birdie six foot three, lean, with green eyes and chaotic bronze plumage?"

"Perhaps."

I smiled as I laid a kiss above his heart. "Thank you."

His arms wrapped around and pulled me into a hug. My ear resting over the steady beat of his heart. "Any time, love."

We were quiet for a while. I was being lulled into sleep before I remembered something. "Edward?"

He was slow to reply, but finally did. "Yes, love?"

"Where's my present?"

I felt him chuckling beneath me. "You're an enigma, you know that?"

I chuckled, thinking back to the conversation Adam and I had had on the swing. "Yeah, so I've been told. What makes you say that?"

"I just can't figure you out. It's like watching LOST, just when you think you understand what's going on, when you are sure you know what the smoke monster is, everything changes again. I mean, you went from being a lifelong hater of birthdays, gifts, and being the centre of attention to being the life of the party, rock goddess, and wanter-of-presents. I can't keep up."

His tone was light and his voice was steady, so although I couldn't see his face, I knew he wasn't being mean about it. "What can I say? I'm something else."

He laughed lightly and I felt him smile against the top of my head as he spoke. "You can say that again."

"So?"

"So what?"

My hand slid toward his tiny nipple again. He swatted at it. "What? What did I do now?"

"You're being cheeky again. Where's my present?"

"You'll have to wait. I'll give it to you tomorrow."

I flopped back onto my pillow and humphed. I could feel Edward suppressing his laughter beside me. "Wow, Bella, are you turning twenty-three or are you turning three? What has gotten into you?"

I thought about that. What HAD gotten into me? I could outline several things that had gotten out of me, including my dinner and about a gallon of booze, and a certain ten inches of something that I wanted IN me, but I couldn't place where my sudden petulant behavior was coming from.

"I'm sorry," I said, quietly to the darkness.

"C'mere, you. Don't be sorry, you've done nothing wrong. I'm just fascinated by Bella V2.0"

I sighed. "Sing me a song?"

"What do you want me to sing?"

"Whatever."

He was quiet for a moment and then he began to sing in a deep voice.

"_Dig if u will the picture  
Of u and I engaged in a kiss  
The sweat of your body covers me  
Can u my darling  
Can u picture this?"  
_

I laughed aloud. "_When Doves Cry_? How very random!"

"You like?"

I snuggled up closer and nipped at his neck. "Yup. Keep going, but only if you are singing the _yous_ as the letter U and not y-o-u, and you're singing the digit 2 and not t-w-o."

"Oh, I am baby, I am. Now shh…listen."

"_Dream if u can a courtyard  
An ocean of violets in bloom  
Animals strike curious poses  
They feel the heat  
The heat between me and u"_

I couldn't resist. I had to join in on the chorus.

_"How can u just leave me standing?  
Alone in a world that's so cold? (So cold)  
Maybe I'm just 2 demanding  
Maybe I'm just like my father 2 bold  
Maybe you're just like my mother  
She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)  
Why do we scream at each other  
This is what it sounds like  
When doves cry"_

We lay there and vocalized the instrumental bridge and giggled together like we used to in high school. Late night Prince sing-a-longs were nothing new.

He whispered to me, "Next line is mine."_  
_  
_"Touch if u will my stomach  
Feel how it trembles inside  
You've got the butterflies all tied up  
Don't make me chase u  
Even doves have pride"_

My hand followed the instructions of the verse and I found myself really getting into it as he sang in his husky sex voice.

Just before he launched into the chorus, and before things could get any hotter, my bedroom door burst open and we were serenaded by Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett.

I laughed so hard I thought I might pee my pants. Edward, Emmett and Jasper took on the falsetto parts and the echoes, while we ladies handled the meat of the song. By the end, everyone had crawled into bed with us and we lay there and talked for a while until everyone fell asleep. A few hours later, the smell of breakfast was too much to endure so we all got up and raced to the kitchen.

Esme was just placing some bacon on a plate in front of a very worse-for-wear Adam.

"Happy Birthday, sweetie," she shouted as Adam groaned and covered his ears.

I ran over to hug her while everyone else made it their life's mission to annoy Adam. I watched as he shrunk further and further into himself, and I felt bad for him. "Okay, kids, leave the poor boy alone," I said, running over and shooing at them until they scattered.

Emmett grabbed his mom and pulled her into a big hug. "Mornin', Ma. I see you've been busy."

"Put me down, Emmett. Yes, I have been. Bella, Alice, and Jasper, I hope you don't mind, but I just made myself at home. I figured that you guys wouldn't be in very good shape this morning, but you don't look all that worse for wear." She hitched a thumb toward Adam. "Now he—he needs a good old-fashioned greasy breakfast. Adam, dear, drink your juice, you look dehydrated. Who wants eggs?"

Everyone scrambled to get plates and cutlery while Esme stood back and smiled. I pulled out of the scrum to stand with her. "You look happy, Esme."

"I am, dear," she said, sighing happily. "I've got my babies, both old and new, under one roof for the first time in a long time. I'm so full of love right now that I could burst."

A couple of tears fell from her eyes and I wiped them away as I spoke quietly to her. "It's going to be okay now, isn't it?"

She nodded as she hugged me. "I think we'll get through it. You and I need to talk later, okay?"

"Yeah, we do. How about if we sneak off and leave the clean-up to the rest of them?"

"That's a plan. Besides, the birthday girl shouldn't be lifting a finger to clean, and hell, I'm a guest." Esme winked at me and I squeezed her hand.

Edward came to us with breakfast already plated. "Come on, you two, your food is getting all cold and eaten."

We followed him to the table where we all sat and enjoyed the wonderful breakfast. The last traces of my hangover disappeared as I ate and I couldn't help but smile. I looked over at Adam, who was still sitting at the breakfast bar, poking at his food. I grabbed my empty plate and went to drop it off in the kitchen before grabbing a spot beside him.

"How're you making out?" I asked, quietly.

"Thank you for not yelling, Bella. My head is ready to explode, and I have to open the store in, oh shit, an hour."

I patted his back as I got up. I grabbed the bottle of Tylenol from the cupboard and took it over to him. "Apple or orange juice?"

"Apple, please," he replied weakly.

"Here, take these, drink that, choke down some more breakfast and I'll put together my super-duper hangover emergency kit for you."

He reached out and held my arm. "Why are you being nice to me after what I did last night? I totally made an ass of myself, of you." He took the pills and chased them down with the juice.

"Um, I seem to recall doing a good job of making an ass of myself too. It's okay, Adam. We need to start over again, clean slate, okay?"

"Thank you. I don't deserve it."

He still sounded so sad so I put my arm around his shoulders. "Yes, you do, Adam. I think that underneath the cocky macho bullshit is a really great guy. I don't need you to pretend to be anything but yourself, okay?"

"I'll try."

"Good boy. Now, you finish breakfast. I'll get things sorted and I'll have Edward drive you home."

Adam shivered, fearful. "Do you really think that's a good idea? What if he tries to kill me?"

"I think you need to get to know him. He really IS a good guy."

I turned away from Adam and put together a bag of goodies for him, as I often did for Alice, Jasper, and even Tyler on occasion. There was a supply of Tylenol, some heartburn pills, a couple of juice boxes, a bottle of water, a pack of animal crackers and an apple. "Here, this'll help. I'll go get Edward."

He still looked terrified when I left his side. I walked over and sat in Edward's lap. "How much do you love me?"

Edward nuzzled my neck and ran his hand up my thigh. "I love you a lot, why?"

I motioned over to the lump in the kitchen. "Can you please drive Adam home? He has to open the store and he's in rough shape."

Jasper spoke up and said that he'd do it, but I gently shook my head no. I knew that Adam and Edward needed to talk.

"Wow, you must think I love you A LOT, to ask me to do that. Aren't you afraid I might try to kill him?"

He was being sarcastic, so I tweaked his nose. "No, but he is. Please, Edward? It's my birthday." I pouted at him until he leaned in and nipped at my protruding bottom lip.

"Fine, but I'm starting to think that perhaps the Bella who hated birthdays was a lot easier to deal with."

Everyone at the table laughed as I feigned hurt at his comment.

Adam looked over toward us and I gave him a thumbs' up. He turned an even greener shade of pale before putting his head down.

"Be nice, Edward. For me?"

He scrunched his face up and huffed before finally letting out a deep breath. "Okay, but only because it's for you."

I kissed his nose. "Thanks, baby."

Esme stood up and tugged on my arm. "My turn with Bella. You guys clean up and let those girls rest. Be the gentlemen I know you are."

"Yes, Mom," Emmett said as he began stacking the dirty dishes. Emmett had been well-trained by his mother and although he liked to tease her and give her a hard time, he knew when he needed to behave, and Esme was one of the few people who could crack the whip and make him stand at attention.

"Yes, Ma'am." Jasper smiled at her as he grabbed the glasses and condiments.

Esme smiled back at him and whispered to Alice, "He's a definite keeper. Now," she turned to me, "you and me, kiddo. Where do you want to go?"

I thought about it for a minute; where would be a nice quiet place where no one would interrupt us? If it were warmer outside I would suggest out on the deck, but it was still kind of chilly. "Let's go sit in my room. It's quiet there."

I gave Edward another kiss before I got up. "Be safe, Edward. I love you."

"Always. Have fun with Mom." He smiled at me before giving me one more kiss goodbye.

Emmett's head popped up. "Hey, did you two take your pills?"

"Oops, I'll take them now. Edward, did you…?"

"They're in the car. I'll take them when I take Adam home…Mom." Edward sneered the last word.

Esme turned around. "Hey, what did I do to deserve that?"

"Oh, Mom, I wasn't talking about you, I was talking to Em."

She eyed him suspiciously before I tugged her toward my room. "Come on!"

"Drive safely, sweetie, and Adam, it was nice to meet you."

We flopped down on my unmade bed, and burrowed under the duvet where I rested my head on her shoulder. We were silent for a while, which was nice. I needed to get a grip on myself before things got too emotional, as I knew they were bound to.

Esme started to hum quietly and I had to smile; it was the song she used to sing to Emma to make her laugh. The longer she hummed, the harder it was to not cry and eventually, I let it out.

"Bella, darling, I'm sorry. I didn't realize what I was humming."

"No," I sniffled, "it's okay. Can you please sing it for me?"

"Are you sure?" She looked concerned, so I nodded at her.

"A ram-sam-sam, a ram-sam-sam,  
Gooly gooly gooly gooly a ram-sam-sam"

I smiled through my tears as she continued to sing the silly little song. "She'd laugh so hard when you would sing it."

"I know. Bella, I miss her. I miss them. But more than that, I missed YOU. It was so hard because as far as we knew you were alive, but we didn't know where. Could you imagine knowing that Emma was alive but you couldn't find her?" Esme was crying softly as she spoke. I could tell she was angry with me for leaving, and more than that, she was heartbroken.

"God, Esme," I gasped, as I grasped what she had just said. I would have gone crazy if the tables were turned and it was me and Emma. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I don't know how you can forgive me. I wasn't thinking about anything when I left but trying to get away from the pain. It was all-consuming and I thought…well, I guess I didn't think, or at least not coherently."

"You're family, Bella, and I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone. You were reacting very naturally to your base instinct of fight or flight."

"But I broke you," I whispered.

Esme pulled me in closer. "No, sweetheart, I was already broken, you were just the last crack in my wall. I'm surprised that I lasted as long as I did—I mean, my two dearest friends and my granddaughter died; my daughter, because that's what you have always been to me, nearly died; my son ran off like a coward; and then you left."

She shuddered as she took a deep breath. "It was too much; I tried to do too much. I tried to hold it all together for too long and I snapped. I said some horrible things to Edward; it's no wonder he tried to kill himself. My poor babies were all so broken and I couldn't do anything about it."

It killed me to hear her talk about this darkest of times in all of our lives. I sat up and turned so I was facing her. "We're all finally starting to heal, Esme. It took a long time, but I don't think we were ready to do it before. I needed to have all of you to get through this and now you're all here."

I reached for her hand. "You said there was something I could do for you to try to make this better, to make up for leaving. Please tell me what it is. I'll do anything."

"I want you to come home and go to the cemetery."

The blood rushed from my face as the words hit me. I hadn't been to the cemetery; I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"What? Oh." Esme was looking at me worriedly. "Um yeah, the cemetery." I bit my lip. "I'm not sure…maybe?" I picked at a loose thread on the edge of the duvet, not wanting to really think about it.

"I thought maybe we could have a little memorial service at Thanksgiving. You never had a chance to say goodbye. I think it might help."

"I'll think about it."

Esme opened her arms. "Come here, birthday girl, and give me a hug. I've missed you so much."

I flopped back down beside her, curling up so my head was in her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair and smiled down at me.

A smile took over my face as I looked up at her. "You're the best birthday present a girl could ask for."

_**Edward**_

If you want the honest truth, the thought of having Adam in my Volvo, reeking and sounding like he might puke, made me want to spew. But, I had promised Bella that I would take him home and be nice to him, so I was going to uphold my end of the bargain.

However, she didn't say that I had to speak to him. As I watched him stumble into his seat, I vowed not to breathe a word to him if at all possible. Oh hell, by the smell, it didn't look like I'd be breathing at all. I gagged as he gave me his address.

Once belted into my seat, I rolled down the windows and tried to lean as close to mine as possible. Ugh. It smelled like a glue factory.

"It smells like a glue factory in here," he observed.

No shit, Sherlock. I didn't say it aloud because I didn't want to start anything.

"I must have killed at least one bottle of tequila myself. I'm sorry about the stench."

"No worries," I lied. Man, I'm going to have to fumigate and have the seat covers replaced. I tried to choke back the bile that was building in my throat.

"Uh, Edward?"

"Yes, Adam?"

"I, uh, well, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm a grade A douche nozzle. I really don't know what it is, but Bella makes me crazy."

I sighed in annoyance as my hands gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. "She has a habit of doing that."

"Yeah, well," he reached up and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry I misjudged you based on the scant information Alice divulged. She may have exaggerated some things too, and I was jealous. Bella has given me more chances than I deserve, so I'm going to follow her example and try again.

"I'll understand if you want nothing to do with me and want me to stay away from her."

I knew what I was about to say could come back and bite me in the ass, but I threw caution to the wind. As I pulled into his yard, I said it. "Adam, I'm sure that under different circumstances I might consider you a pretty cool guy, but you've done nothing but try to sabotage my relationship with Bella and spout shit about me. You don't know me. You don't really know Bella beyond the superficial and frankly, I'd rather beat the shit out of you than watch you try to steal my girl.

"But, Bella, for some unholy reason, sees something in you. What? I don't know. But she likes you, so that means that…" I raked my hands over my face, "that means that I will give you another shot to prove that you're not a douche nozzle as you so eloquently put it."

Adam smiled, or maybe it was a grimace. Either way, he seemed pleased with my offer. "Thanks, Edward."

I watched as he got out of my car and prayed that the stench would follow him. "Don't thank me so soon. I might kick your ass yet."

I drove home with the windows still cranked open and listened to some loud metal to get my frustrations out. I wanted, hell, I needed to be calm when I got home because I was going to give Bella her birthday present and I was scared shitless of how she would react.

It was really me who received a gift when I returned to Bella's. My two favourite women were curled up in Bella's bed; Mom was absently running her fingers through Bella's hair while my love snored softly. I sat beside Mom and put my arm around her. "How did it go?" I spoke quietly so as not to rouse Bella.

Mom smiled at me and that's all I needed. I didn't know what Mom was going to say to her, but I had a feeling it wouldn't be easy for either one of them.

Bella stirred and spoke in a groggy voice as she stretched. "Mm…Edward?"

I reached out and took her hand in mine. "Yes, love?"

"You didn't kill Adam, did you?"

"Nope, although he nearly killed me. My God, I should have hosed him down before letting him near my car. He reeks!"

Mom's head whipped around. "I KNOW! I didn't have the heart to tell him, but I've smelled sweeter-smelling shit from Emmett's ass"

"MOM! LANGUAGE!" I shrieked. My mother NEVER spoke like that.

"Oh, Edward, we're all grown-ups, right? And it's true; that poor boy was rancid." She shuddered.

"So Adam is home in one foul-smelling piece?"

"Yup."

She reached up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome. So, uh," I felt sweat beginning to fun down my back. God, I was so nervous. "Do you want your present?"

Bella shot up so fast it made me dizzy. "YES!"

"Okay, I need to set things up in the living room and I'll come get you when I'm ready."

She threw herself at me and planted a big kiss on my lips. "Hurry."

I kissed her back, then set her on the bed with Mom. As I walked to the door I prayed silently that this wouldn't backfire.

_**Bella**_

"Do you know what he's up to?" I asked Esme as I snuggled back in the bed with her.

"No, sweetie, I don't. Uh, look, I also have something for you. I need to grab it from my purse. I'll be right back."

Hmm. Esme seemed a little nervous. So did Edward. What are those Cullens up to?"

Esme's eyes were red when she returned a couple of minutes later. "Are you okay, Esme?"

She smiled at me, her eyes watering. "Yes, but I'm worried that this might not be the best time."

Sitting up, I extended a hand to her. When she sat, I palmed her cheek. "What is it?"

When she held out her hand, there was a square, burgundy velvet box perched upon it. "If it's not…if…" she stuttered nervously.

"I'll be the judge." I gingerly took the box and opened it slowly. As I spied the contents, a HUGE lump formed in my throat, preventing me from gasping.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I looked up at her and nodded. She took the box from me so I could remove its sparkly contents. I fingered the silver chain delicately, reverently, as the lump finally freed itself. "Mom."

"Yes, sweetheart, it's your mom's locket."

My hands trembled as I traced the beautiful filigree on the outside of the oval locket. I had always loved it, and it had once contained a photo of me and my grandmother, but once Emma came along, she removed Grandma Marie and put in my daughter. She would proudly show off her girls and she said she liked to keep us close. Every year she would replace the photo with a new one of Emma.

"Where did you get this?"

"It was in a box of their belongings that came from the funeral home. I wasn't sure when or how to give it to you." Esme looked down and blushed a bit, before looking back at me, fearful. "I hope you're not angry."

"No…not angry. Happy."

Coherent words failed me as I held that cherished memento in my hands. I popped the clasp and gasped as the memories washed over me. There I was on the left; I was only two or three years old in the faded photo, but it was me. My dark brown eyes peered out from behind long, loose, mahogany ringlets. On the right was Emma, her red hair also in ringlets, her hazel eyes peering back at me, her smile warming my heart.

"Thank you," I said as I hugged her. "This is perfect."

Esme exhaled loudly, her body relaxing. "Thank God."

Edward knocked lightly on the door before entering. He stopped short when he spotted us all weepy on the bed, then he ran over. "What's wrong?"

"Mom's locket," I whispered as he gathered me into his arms. "It's Mom's locket."

He took it from my hand and reverently rubbed the surface, before opening it. I heard him gasp quietly as he ran the tip of his index finger over the small photo of Emma.

"Can you please put it on for me?" I asked as I turned and lifted my hair. With trembling hands, he brought the silver chain around my neck and I felt him fumble with the clasp. Esme moved to help him, but he told her no.

"I can do it."

He anchored his hands on the nape of my neck to steady them and in no time, he had managed to get it in place. I smiled as I felt the cold silver slide down my chest and nestle itself between my breasts. I clutched it and thanked Esme again.

"My present is ready when you are," Edward announced quietly.

Oh, Edward's present! I had forgotten all about it. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

He smiled. "It's okay, I only just finished preparing it. Are you ready or would you like a few more minutes?"

I wiped at the tears on my cheeks. "I'm okay. Let's go."

Edward extended a hand to each of us before leading us to the living room, which had been rearranged. The love seat and couch were moved so they faced a blank wall, and all the blinds had been shut. A laptop and projector were set up there and was beaming a goofy photo of thirteen year old me on the wall.

I heard whispering in the kitchen. "Why are they hiding in there? Is this private?"

Smiling as he led me to my seat, he whispered to me as I sat down. "I wasn't sure if you wanted them here or not."

To say I was confused would be an understatement. Why was there a photo of… "Edward? What's going on?"

All of a sudden there was a rush of bodies and I was surrounded by my friends all yelling, "Isabella Marie Swan, this is your life!"

The sudden rush of blood to my cheeks made me dizzy. I was thankful Edward had seated me on the love seat with Esme. "Wow, uh, thanks?"

Edward sat beside me and held my hands. "I wanted to do something special for you, so I made a little…" He waved his hand, gesturing at the image on the wall, "I hope you like it. Jasper?"

"I'm on it."

The lights dimmed and I was suddenly faced with a wall of me while the most exquisite piano music played in the background. My life flashed, faded, star-wiped, and dissolved before my eyes: there were baby pictures, pictures of me Edward and Emmett as kids, school photos of me set up so I watched myself aging. There were silly photos, family photos, video clips. We laughed at some of them so hard I thought I might pee my pants.

I felt my heart clench as photos of my parents appeared, but I didn't cry. It didn't hurt as much. I clutched the locket in one hand and Edward's hand in the other for strength. Even when photos of Emma came up, I held it together. Instead of mourning her, I celebrated her brief life.

The beautiful piano music faded to a familiar quiet acoustic guitar riff and as more photos of my family appeared, Edward's soft voice began to sing Pearl Jam's _Just Breathe_.

_Yes, I understand that every life must end,  
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go,  
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands  
the ones I love,_

__

Some folks just have one,  
yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh

Stay with me,  
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,  
never gonna let me win,  
Under everything, just another human being,  
Yeh, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world  
to make me bleed.

Stay with me,  
You're all I see.

Did I say that I need you?  
Did I say that I want you?  
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,  
No one knows this more than me.  
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday  
as I look upon your face,  
Everything you gave  
And nothing you would take,  
Nothing you would take  
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?  
Oh, did I say that I want you?  
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,  
No one knows this more than me.  
As I come clean, ah-ah...

_Nothing you would take,  
Everything you gave.  
Hold me till I die,  
Meet you on the other side_

I looked over at him and smiled. "It's beautiful," I mouthed.

Finally, after the memorial montage, it faded to a video of me on my birthday, a million tears ago, holding Emma on my lap. She wasn't quite two at that point. My mom walked into the frame with a cake and everyone crowded around as they sang to me. Even Emma; although her words were garbled, she sang louder than anyone else and when the cake was before us, candles blazing, everyone shouted for me to make a wish.

"I remember that wish," I whispered. I had wished that every moment could be perfect like that one. Obviously that wish wasn't to come true.

Eyes back on the wall, I watched as Emma tugged on my hair and placed a palm on my cheek. "Mama!"

"Okay, baby doll, I'm ready. Are you ready to blow out Mama's candles?"

She squealed as we leaned toward the cake. She ended up spitting on it as I blew them out. I heard Emmett in the background mumbling something about swearing off eating cake. As if that could ever happen.

The shot tightened up on me and my baby girl. She grabbed a handful of cake and smeared it on my face. "Ha ba Mama!"

"Thanks, baby." I smiled at her and licked at the frosting on the corner of my mouth.

The scene faded with Emma smashing her fists in the cake and everyone laughing. My parents, Carlisle and Esme, all standing behind us smiling.

The video stopped and I think everyone was holding their breath. I know I was. I didn't know what to do. Part of me was thinking that I should be crying and freaking out, while another was swelling with joy. I felt truly happy to see them. Sure it hurt, but it brought back great memories.

I turned to Edward and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him and between kisses, I whispered a long string of thank yous.

Everyone exhaled and the mood lightened drastically. Someone opened the blinds and the curtains to let in some light and I heard people moving around but I was too busy trying to thank Edward for his amazing gift.

"I'm glad you liked it. I worried it might be too much, but they were an important part of your life, I couldn't do it without including them." He spoke quietly as he ran his finger gently up and down my cheek.

I rested my head on his shoulder and stared up at him. "Where did you get all the photos?"

"Mom had a lot of them scanned a few years ago from her collection, and, well, your mom's. She held onto them after the house was cleared out, she thought you would want them someday. I made copies of some of them for myself, well before I found you again. I hope you don't mind. It all worked out for the best, though, because it made a nice present and tribute to you."

"I loved it. Thank you. I know that was you playing guitar and singing, but was that also you playing piano?"

"Yes."

"Will you record it for me? It was beautiful."

"Really?" He seemed surprised. "Sure, I don't see why not."

"Who wrote it?"

He blushed and ducked his face into my hair, mumbling.

"I didn't hear you."

He lifted his head and looked at me, sheepishly. "I wrote it. It doesn't have a name yet. You were always so good at naming them; I thought maybe you could help me."

Emmett walked up behind us clapping his hands down on our shoulders. "Well, I don't know about you guys, but we're all starved. I'm going to run out and get stuff for BBQ. Any requests?"

Edward and I spoke up at the same time. "STEAK!"

"By the sounds of it, I should buy a freakin' cow. Do you want anything else? Ma's making pasta salad, and the girls are going to do a green salad."

"Baby?" I drawled as I ran a finger across his chest. "Could you?"

"Em," Edward said, laughing. "Could you please pick up stuff for a grilled potato salad?"

Emmett mock-saluted us. "I'm on it, Captains. Back in a flash."

Everyone was bustling around cleaning and doing prep work, so I asked Edward to play the video again. We watched it two more times, and I felt better each time. I thanked him again, and again, and wondered if he understood the magnitude of my gratefulness. I was finally beginning to heal. I was starting my year as a twenty-three year old in better shape as I had in a long time.

It felt great.

* * *

**I forgot to mention last time that Encore was being featured on The Edge Girl's wonderful blog (www[dot]theedgegirls[dot]blogspot[dot]com. You should go check it out, it's a great site created by some wonderful women.**

**Don't forget to find me on Twitter as leelan_oleander.**

**So, this week's rec's...**

**I just finished reading _Falling For You_ by GreenEyedGirl17  
**** I'm still loving _My Escort_ by Bratty-vamp  
I find myself eagerly awaiting updates for:  
_The Misapprehension of Bella Swan_ by hunterhunting  
_Gynazole_ by MrsTheKing  
_Just One of the Guys_ by sorceresscirce (which updated recently!!)  
_Edward Wallbanger_ by feathersmmmm  
_Eight Days a Week_ by 107yearoldvirgin  
_High Anxiety_ by EdwardsBloodType  
_First Edition_ by lambcullen  
_Daniel Gale: Cumming to America_ by danielgaleh00rs  
_Master of the Universe_ by SnowQueens Icedragon  
...etc... **

******and this week I'm starting _Just Wait_ by InstantKarmaGirl**

****** Anyway, please drop me a line and let me know what you're thinking!!**


	24. Chapter 24

**I would like to announce that this chapter does not require tissues, unless you are eating or drinking while reading. Minnakoda mentioned in one spot that she was thankful she didn't have anything in her mouth when she read it, because it would have been all over her monitor. Heartfail is at an ultimate minimum in this chapter, so suck in the sunshine, sweeties. :)**

**Big noogies and cozy police car flannel jammies for Katmom and Minnakoda, who are both busy as hell with RL and still manage to take the time to fill in the cracks and make this story look pretty. I *heart* you guys as much as I *heart* dark chocolate M&Ms.**

* * *

_**Edward**_

I was so relieved that Bella reacted as well as she did to the video. I knew that the early photos wouldn't be too hard on her until her parents appeared, but I feared Emma's arrival might unravel her. It didn't. In fact, she beamed through it all, her eyes shining with joy and no sad tears on her face. Everyone now and then she'd squeeze my hand and whisper to me, but there was no indication that this had been a bad thing.

When she asked to watch it twice more, I was elated. I hoped that this was a sign that she was healing, and I couldn't be happier that I was helping. There was still this niggling part of me that constantly reminded me that I had broken this amazing creature, that I deserved nothing but torture and hellfire for eternity; however, it was slowly beginning to quiet some.

We spent a wonderful afternoon with friends and family, celebrating life. I hadn't seen Bella so relaxed in, well, since the day of the accident. Her laughter ran out as we regaled Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie with tales of our misadventures growing up. Lord knows there were enough to keep us talking for weeks.

"Oh, Ma, tell them about Bella and the tree!" Emmett shouted out, laughing. "This is classic Bella."

"Which tree? Which time?" Mom replied, giggling.

"Bella's pants."

I looked over and saw that Bella's cheeks were blazing, and I laughed. "Oh, let me start this one, please?" I begged. "I was there when it happened."

Mom laughed aloud and squeezed my blushing Bella's hand. "Please do, Son."

"_Edward, get down from the tree!" Bella yelled. "It's not fair! I can't climb that high."_

_We were playing in the woods in my backyard, climbing trees and pretending we were monkeys. At eight years old you play silly stuff like that. I had climbed up pretty high, leaving poor frustrated Bella behind._

"_Come on, Bella, you can do it! It's easy!"_

"_Yeah, for a stringbean spider monkey. I'm a gorilla and it's harder for me."_

_I laughed. "Gorilla? Emmett's the gorilla, you're the chimpanzee. Chimpanzees climb real good. Now come on before the alligator bites your feet."_

_It wasn't long before Bella started climbing. She was terrified of the ground gators._

"Hey, I knew they weren't real, it just freaked me out. It got me up the tree, didn't it?" Bella interjected, interrupting my story.

"May I finish?" I asked, chuckling.

Bella exhaled loudly. "Yes."

_To my utter amazement, Bella had managed to not only climb the tree, but easily surpassed me. She was near the top when all of a sudden I heard snapping twigs. I looked up to see Bella falling. I think I might actually have peed my pants, I was so scared. If she hit the bottom, she'd not only break her neck, but the ground gators would eat her for lunch. Miraculously, she somehow managed to get caught on a branch about halfway down the tree._

_I called down to her. "Bella? Are you okay?"_

_She didn't reply, but I heard her sniffling. Bella didn't like to cry, so I knew something was wrong if she was crying. I climbed down a little closer to where she was dangling. Her tear-streaked face was scratched and bleeding, her arms and legs were scraped up, and there were twigs sticking out of her hair._

_I was able to climb down so we were face to face. She tried to hide from me, but she was pretty much stuck. "Can you move? Are you hurt?"_

_Bella's face scrunched up and she let out a horrible cry. She was hysterical. When she finally calmed down enough to speak, she did so in hiccupped whispers._

"_My…hic…dad's g…g…hic…gonna kill…hic…me, Ed…hic…ward. I'm…st…hic…stuck…in a tree…hic…and I can't…hic…get..hic…get...down. H…h…he ssss…said not to climb sssso…hic…high." She took a deep, staggering breath, before she finished. "And I did…hic…and now I'm…hic…s…s…stuck…and…"_

_Suddenly there was a sickening snap and she began to fall again. "EDWARD!" she screamed._

_I watched in horror as she fell another ten feet until she was truly and honestly dangling by the seat of her shorts; they were snagged on a thick branch._

"_Bella!" I screamed as I scurried down as fast as I could. "Are you …?"_

_She was sobbing by this point and it scared me. Bella NEVER cried like this, even when she broke her arm roller skating. _

"_Get help," she pleaded with me._

_I jumped down from the tree and ran to the house. Mom was doing the dishes or something, I don't remember. I just remember grabbing her hand and dragging her to where Bella was still hanging, still sobbing, and unfortunately, her bum was now showing._

Bella buried her face in my chest as Mom took over.

_**Esme**_

_I was in the kitchen, cleaning up when I saw Edward running through the yard screaming and crying, "Bella! Help!" He ran into the house, grabbed my hands and dragged me out to the woods where I found poor Bella perched precariously by her cut-off Levis on a branch about five feet off the ground. The poor thing was crying, bleeding, and had snot running from her nose._

_My first concern was that she was badly hurt because we all knew that Bella RARELY cried. She was probably one of the toughest kids I'd ever met. _

_She cried harder when she saw me and held her scraped up arms out to me. I, of course, could barely reach her, so I ran back to grab a ladder. She cried even harder when I left and it broke my heart._

"I was afraid you'd leave me there," Bella mumbled. "I was eight, I was scared. What did you expect?"

Edward rubbed Bella's back. "You were brave, love."

"Anyway," I continued. "_Luckily, Charlie had just popped by to see if Bella wanted a ride home as I was dragging the ladder out of the garage. I told him what happened and he grabbed that ladder and took off like a bat out of hell._

"_Bella took one look at her dad and lost it. He got up in the tree high enough to unsnag her, and she wrapped herself around him so tightly that she didn't notice or care that her little bottom was bare. When Charlie reached terra firma, he sat them both down on the ground so he could see how badly she was hurt, and the second he plunked his butt on the ground, Edward threw himself at her and he began to cry. He told Charlie not to be mad at her, that it was his fault. The poor boy was so upset that he was going on about gators and gorillas and making no sense at all._

"_Charlie tried to peel Edward off of Bella, but he wouldn't budge, so Charlie scooped them both up and carried them to the house so we could clean up poor bleeding, bawling, Bella."_

I smiled at Bella and palmed her cheek lovingly as I continued. "After we had cleaned her cuts and scrapes, and covered her in band aids, Charlie tried to convince her to come home with him. She was exhausted and falling asleep sitting up, mumbling about 'no home,' 'stay,' and 'Edward.' Meanwhile, Edward was so distraught that I offered to let Bella spend the night to keep them both from losing their little minds."

I cleared my throat as I teared up a bit. I wasn't sure if I was emotional over the story, or the loss of Charlie. He was such a good man. I looked back at the kids and continued the story. _"Charlie looked at me and said, 'those two are going to get married someday, aren't they? They're going to give us all grey hair before then too.' He shook his head, carried Bella to Edward's room and said he'd call later to check in._

"_Edward never left her side,"_ I said, smiling at my baby boy, my sensitive little soul. _"He skipped dinner because he was scared she'd need him. When I brought food up, he said he'd wait until Bella woke up because it wouldn't be fair to eat without her. He even gave up his favourite pajama pants for her to wear because her shorts had been ripped. He thought that because there were police cars on them and Charlie was the Chief of Police that it would make her feel better._

"_I walked in later and he was singing to her."_

"What was he singing?" Alice asked, totally enraptured by the story.

"_You Are My Sunshine_. He always sang that to her when she was upset."

Emmett was still chuckling about Bella's bare behind, and I had to shake my head. It's all in the eyes of the beholder, I guess, and it seems that my son is fixated on bare butts. The girls saw it for what it was, as Alice and Rose both _aaawed_ aloud, and I thought I caught a glance of that sweet Jasper getting a little misty-eyed.

My little Edward was a special boy, and it was truly a heartwarming moment. If only he had been so diligent and stayed when she really needed him. Police car pajamas and band aids wouldn't have fixed her, but his presence may have saved her heart from breaking so badly. It was such an un-Edward-like thing to do, to run, especially from Bella. That was when I knew that my baby boy was truly broken.

_**Edward**_

Mom trailed off, lost in thought, so Bella leaned in and kissed me. "My hero."

Emmett piped up. "He wasn't always the hero. I seem to recall a shit-ton of incidents when Bella was the one wearing the superhero cape."

I felt myself beginning to blush. What mortifying story would my brother dredge up?

"Hmm…how about this one?" I started.

_Bella and I were ten years old, out playing by the river, and of course we had been told repeatedly not to play down there without a grown-up, because as we all knew, if something could go wrong, it would. _

_Bella and I were throwing rocks into the rushing water, competing to see who could throw theirs the farthest. _

_Plop. "That was a good one, Bella, but I bet I can throw mine further."_

_So I wound up and I tossed it twice as far as Bella's last attempt. It hit the water with a resonating plunk. I turned and smiled at Bella, and yes, I gloated. She was better at so many things that it was a rare moment of glory for me._

_Bella smiled back and patted my arm. "Good throw, Edward. You should try out for the baseball team next year."_

_Emmett came barreling out of the woods at that point, growling like a bear, and scared me shitless. I stepped back, tripped on a rock and fell into the river, hitting my head and knocking myself out._

"I'll take it from here," Emmett said, rubbing his hands together, gleefully anticipating a moment to embarrass us.

"No, I think I will," Bella replied.

_**Bella**_

"I jumped in after Edward because the bear, here," she pointed back at Emmett, "ran back through the forest screaming that he was a murderer. I managed to catch Edward before he was dragged too far downstream, but my foot got caught in the rocks and we were both trapped: Edward was out cold and I was stuck.

"The water was freezing cold and we were both turning blue. I was scared to death because Edward wouldn't wake up. It was then that I remembered something about drowning people and kissing them."

Alice laughed at this point. "You gave him the _kiss of life_? Oh my God, that's precious."

I blushed. "I didn't realize that you had to breathe, so I managed to tilt his head back, pinch his nose, open his mouth and…"

"And what?" Rose asked.

Emmett laughed. "When I brought Dad back to help, Bella was Frenching an unconscious Edward. He missed his first kiss with Bella because he was out cold."

I glared at him. "Speaking of cold, I seem to recall having to be hospitalized overnight for hypothermia, and your brother had a concussion. This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't scared him in the first place."

Edward had been quiet through the whole exchange, so I squeezed his hand. "What's wrong?"

He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I'm just very regretful that I missed our first official kiss, that's all."

Cupping his face in my hand, I smiled warmly at him. "You didn't miss much. It was very one-sided, and I had no idea what I was doing." I moved my lips to his and kissed him gently at first, before tilting his head to the side to gain a better angle of attack. I tugged on his hair like a puppeteer and his mouth opened so I could slip my tongue past his lips, over his teeth until they found his own eager tongue.

"Ew, gross!" Emmett bellowed, but I didn't care. Fuck him. It's MY birthday.

"Emmett, hush dear," Esme chastised. "If you don't like it, don't watch. Why don't we go get the cake ready? Come, kids, let's leave them be."

Edward pulled back eventually, panting, his eyelids heavy with lust.

"That's how I'd do it now. Back then it was more like two cold fish kissing, with only one tongue doing all the work. It really wasn't sexy at all." I laughed, as I tried to smooth back his hair.

"Suppose they'd notice if we slipped away for a while?" he muttered against the sensitive spot just under my ear. My skin prickled with glorious goose bumps as a light moan escaped my lips.

"Who cares?" I panted as his hands moved me so I was straddling him, his hands heading directly to my ass.

"WE DO!" Alice screeched. "There'll be no running off and having sex today. There'll be no cunnilingus, fellatio, intercourse of any kind or bestiality."

Esme walked in and gasped. "Oh good Lord, I didn't need to hear that last one."

Edward and I scrambled to our feet. "No, Esme, you have no fear of that last one."

"Okay, good."

Something struck me at that moment…there was someone missing. "Speaking of animals, where's Fred? I haven't seen him all day."

"Adam probably scared him off with his singing," Emmett said.

"Or his stench," Edward added.

"No, seriously, where the hell is the Fred? He didn't get out last night did he?" I was nervous. I didn't want to lose him; he was my dude, my buddy, my pal. "Fred? Freddy? Fred, dude, where are you?"

Jasper put his arm around my shoulder and led me to his room. "He was out of sorts last night, what with all the people and the noise, so Ali and I let him hang out in our room. He seemed pretty content this morning, so we left him."

Sure enough, Fred was curled up on their pillows. I ran over and picked him up. "Oh, Freddy Foo, buddy-wuddy, don't scare me like that again!"

He grunted and squirmed in my arms, so I set him back down. He glared at me before pawing down his spot again, doing three turns around, and flopping down with a heavy sigh.

"So sorry, your royal highness." I bowed to him and giggled as I left the room.

"Come on, Baby Girl, let sleeping cats lie and let's eat cake." Ah, Emmett and his one-track mind.

We ate the carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and laughed some more over stupid things that were thankfully not all related to me and my ability to get caught in strange places. Actually, a lot of the chuckles came at Em's expense, and he was eating it up. Rose alternated between laughing until she cried, turning beet red, or slapping him for being an imbecile.

"Esme, tell the outhouse story!" I begged her.

"Well, now, I don't know," she teased.

Rose, Alice, and Jasper squealed, then bounced up and down on the couch as they begged, "Please?"

"Oh, okay." Esme looked over at Emmett, who was turning red already. Oh, this was going to be good.

_**Esme**_

"_Let's get the tents set up and then we'll explore. Kids, don't wander off too far," Carlisle said as he pulled a backpack from the truck._

"_Yeah, kids, there might be bears, so stay close, okay?" _

"_Yes, Daddy," a six year-old Bella said as she dragged a stick around in the dirt, drawing crude figures on the ground. "Can me and Edward help with the tents? Maybe we could build the fire?"_

_Renee handed a pillow to her and ruffled her hair. "Why don't you and Edward get all the sleeping bags and pillows out of the trunk of Carlisle's car while Esme and I help your fathers with the tents?" She leaned down and whispered, "We both know that those stinky daddies won't be able to do it without the mommies, right?"_

_Bella giggled and nodded. "Mommies rule."_

"_I'm going to collect firewood," Emmett called out from the edge of the campsite. "I'm good at that, I'm strong."_

_I poked my head up from the pile of bedding I was sorting. "Emmett McCarty Cullen, you get your butt back here this instant. Didn't you hear what Charlie said about bears?"_

_Emmett kicked at a clod of dirt. "Aw, Ma, just because I'm ten doesn't mean I can't do it. I'm strong enough to handle a stupid old bear. I eat bears for breakfast."_

_We adults all snickered. "Just the same, Son, can you help Edward and Bella first? They could use a big, strong guy to help them." Carlisle tried not to laugh at his son, but it was getting hard not to, as he was standing back flexing his non-existent muscles and pretend-wrestling with an invisible opponent._

_Finally he stood up, brushed himself off, and shot a raspberry in our direction as he stomped toward us. "Pfft, fine." _

_Once the dads had given up on the tents and the moms managed to assemble them in record time, they gathered some firewood from the nearby area to start a fire. Of course Emmett managed to wander off from the pack because he was determined to find a bear. Bella and Edward ran back to tell us he had strayed because they were afraid that a bear might actually eat him._

_Carlisle and Charlie came up with a plan to try to teach him a lesson. They crept silently into the woods and managed to track down Emmett, who was kicking a tree. "Come on, stupid bears, I'm not afraid of you."_

_Charlie let out a deep growl and Emmett jumped about ten feet off the ground and screamed. He took off running until he reached a row of old outhouses. He scrambled into one and started whimpering._

_The dads debated on whether or not they should let him off easy or give him one last growl. Carlisle convinced Charlie to let out one more—so he did. He growled while Carlisle scratched at the old faded wood of the walls. _

_Emmett let out a horrified screech and then there was a strange cracking noise and another shriek from Emmett._

_When they opened the door, he had fallen through the old wood bench and the only visible part of him was the top of his head, which was poking out above the splintered toilet seat._

"_Daddy! I'm stuck in poopy!" he whimpered._

_Sure enough, when they looked in, Emmett was waist deep in, well, human waste._

_We all came running at the commotion and found Carlisle and Charlie laughing so hard they were crying, and trying not to let Emmett see it, because he was visibly distraught. Poor Emmett was sobbing at this point, begging them to help._

_The dads pulled him out, and well, he smelled unlike anything anyone had ever had the misfortune of smelling. Charlie put it best when he said, "Phew, boy, you smell worse than…well, I can't think of anything else I've ever smelled that's been that rotten, and I've worked homicide cases."_

"_Daaaaaaddy," Emmett wailed._

_Meanwhile, poor Edward had started retching in a nearby bush, and Bella was crying. The smell was unearthly, and I really wondered if we would ever be able to get rid of it. The dads each grabbed one of his arms and dragged him screaming and crying to the nearest shower station, where they stripped him down and scrubbed him from head to toe."_

"It was traumatizing," Emmett said, gruffly.

"Taught you a lesson, though, didn't it?" Edward chuckled.

Poor Emmett's face was bright red. "Yeah, I learned not to stand on the seat in the shitter, and that our dads were horrible, cruel men."

_**Bella**_

I jumped in at this point. I couldn't not say something. "If you hadn't been so cock-sure that you could take on a bear, you wouldn't have been in such a mess. We had to totally change our plans to revolve around Em's bathroom needs because he refused to use an outhouse again. One of the grown-ups had to drive him to the ranger station every time he needed to poop."

Emmett was chuckling now.

"What, Em?" What's so funny?"

"Y…you said cock!"

Rose slapped him upside the head. "Grow up!"

Esme, meanwhile, was laughing so hard that she was crying. "We had to go out and buy a porta-pottie for Emmett to use whenever we went camping. Oh, it was priceless."

"Maa," he whined.

"Oh, easy, Emmett. It's all in good fun."

I smirked at her. "Come on, Esme, don't poo-poo Emmett's coprophobia."

Edward let out a huge belly laugh. "Yeah, Mom, that's pretty shitty of you to do."

"Enough with the potty talk, kids," she chastised, stifling her laughter.

Poor Emmett buried his face in Rosie's chest. "See? They're so mean to me."

Rose patted his head gently. "Oh, my poor little poopsie."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Everyone completely lost the plot, and in the end, even Emmett had to agree it was a funny story.

Edward whispered to me as everyone laughed. "What they don't know is that you gave Emmett your ratty, tattered old blanket and sang to him while he cried after he was cleaned up."

"You remember that? Wow, I haven't thought about my biboo in years. I loved that blanket." I smiled as I thought of my old blue blanket that had been so loved and overused that it was in knots by the time I was six, and I used to have to hide it from my mom because she kept trying to throw poor biboo out. I rescued it from the trash so many times, and then I'd hide away with it, dig my fingers into the knots until I found the cold spots and rub it on my nose while I sucked my thumb.

He nodded, bringing me back from my biboo daydreaming, and spoke again. "I think that was probably the moment Emmett officially became your biggest fan, or rather, your second biggest fan, since I've always been number one."

I smiled as he kissed my neck. He was right, I hated seeing Emmett cry, ever, and I thought he might want some biboo time. I took the old thing into him and curled up on the sleeping bag beside him and sang like my mom did for me when I was sad.

We all reminisced a while longer, but sadly, I had work that needed to be done and it wasn't happening while I was curled up with Edward. "I hate to be a party pooper, guys."

Emmett groaned.

"Oh, shit, sorry, Em, that one really wasn't intentional, but I really need to get some work done and get some sleep. It's been a busy weekend, and I'm exhausted. Esme, please stay as long as you want. I'm in seminars until two tomorrow, so if you would like to meet up for a late lunch, I'd love to spend the afternoon with you."

She smiled as I leaned in for a hug. "I'd love that, sweetie. You tell me when and where and I'll be there. I think it's time for me to take my boys home and have a little visit."

Edward stood and helped me get to my feet, then escorted me around the corner. He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me fervently. "Ungh," I grunted, "I'm…um… not going to…God…get…" I pulled my face from his. "Not going to get any work done. Too horny."

He smiled evilly at me. "That was my diabolical plan all along."

"Edward, God, one more kiss and you've got to go! I think you might be the death of my academic career."

This time it was me who initiated the kiss, and hitched my leg on his hip, seeking some friction for my blazing loins. I totally forgot where we were when I pulled my other leg up and straddled him as he pushed me harder against the wall.

"YO! Eddie boy," Emmett shouted. "Why don't I take Mom home so you can sex Baby Girl up without parental supervision?"

I groaned as I rested my forehead on his. "Can I kill your brother?"

Edward let out a moan as I bit his bottom lip and ground into him. "Yes, please. Kill my brother. Now." He panted into my mouth and then slowly we pulled away, gasping for air.

Resigned to the fact that there would be no sexin' to be had, I released Edward from my iron-thighed grip. "I'll miss you."

"I'm just a phone call away. I love you," he said, smiling at me, his green eyes shining.

"Love you more."

After a couple of chaste kisses, I made my way over to hug everyone. "Thanks for the great birthday, guys."

All six of them replied, "Encore, Bella, encore!"

I took a bow, and smiled at them. I was a lucky, lucky girl.

* * *

**I realize that this was a chapter of fluff and my hardcore angsters are going to be upset, but I can assure you that the upcoming chapters are not as happy and sunshiny. What with a lot of you seeing Remember Me last weekend, the timing of this less-angsty chapter was ideal. If you're like me, you're still bursting into spontaneous tears over RM. Gah. Or maybe I'm just a freak. ;) **

**This past week there have been three (new-to-me) fics that have owned me:**

**_Just Wait_ by Instant Karma Girl**  
**_A War of Cynics_ by greeen goldfish**  
**_The Workshop: A Tale of Edible Delights_ by danieller123 **

**Thanks so much everyone for sticking with this story. I know it's hard to read by times (it's just started up over at Twilighted and people are struggling with the initial angst) and I appreciate you sticking with the story.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Wow, posting on a Thursday! This is for the girls...you know who you are. :)**

**My life would suck without Katmom and Minnakoda.**

**Potential for heartfail is moderate to high (only for those prone to crying easily) in this chapter. Heart-to-hearts between mother and sons ahead...Bella has a bad day...**

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_**Esme**_

The boys and I said our goodbyes to everyone before leaving to go to their home. I was still in awe at watching the sweet exchange between Emmett and Rosalie before we left. They were all _I love you, no, I love you, _and Emmett was whining about having to leave her. I had suggested that she come over, but he said that he wanted some Momma time.

Once we arrived at the house, Edward excused himself to go take a shower, and to give us time to talk, which was very sweet of him. I raised two very wonderful boys. Although they both had their flaws, they were working through them nicely and becoming upstanding gentlemen.

"So, Ma," Emmett said as he flopped onto the sofa, "you like Rosie?"

I sat down and positioned myself so I could face him. "I adore her, sweetie. She's perfect for you," I smiled warmly.

He looked at me, surprised. "Really?"

Taking his big hands into mine, I squeezed them and smiled. "Why are you so surprised? She's beautiful, adorable, sweet, loving, and she only has eyes for you. If you play your cards right, darling, she'll make you a very happy man for a long time. You know," I paused, almost afraid to say what I was about to, "I used to worry you'd never find her."

"Who, Rosie? Had you met her before?" Again, he looked confused.

"No, no," I chuckled, "not Rosalie specifically, but that one girl who would claim your heart and not just your bed."

I watched as the red crept up his cheeks. "Oh, don't get all shy on me, Emmett. A mother knows. She may not like it, but she knows. It broke my heart, to be honest. All a mother wants for her child is for them to find happiness and I knew that none of those _women_ were making you happy. I watched you struggle with everything and I wasn't able to do anything to help. I blame myself for some of this."

My voice quivered; I was on the verge of tears because it was true, I DID blame myself. If I hadn't fallen apart and left him to pick up the pieces, he might not have turned to meaningless sex for comfort.

"Ma?"

Emmett's nervous voice startled me. "Yes, sweetie?"

"It's not your fault. I started in high school, well before everything else happened."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. It felt good?"

I laughed at him. "I suppose there is THAT. Regardless of what has happened, I'm so happy my boy has found his soul mate. She's a good girl, treat her well."

He smiled and pulled me into a hug. "I learned from the best, Ma, how can I go wrong?"

I let him hug me for as long as he wanted and I whispered that I loved him.

"I love you too, Ma. Thanks for being so awesome, and, where the hell did you learn to sing Alanis Morrissette so well?"

We both laughed and fell into comfortable silence as we relaxed on the couch.

Edward joined us later, smelling of sandalwood and…strawberry? I sniffed at him. "Since when do you use strawberry-scented shampoo?"

He blushed brightly. "It's Bella's. I wanted to feel close to her."

Emmett snorted so hard I was expecting to see boogers flying across the room. "Dude, you are so LAME!"

I shook my head and held in my own laughter. "I don't know if I should find that weird…or endearing?"

Emmett stretched and let out a big yawn. "Well, I'm off to shower and then hit the hay. I've got a class full of monkeys to deal with in the a.m." He leaned in and kissed the top of my head. "Good night, Ma. Love you."

"I love you too, sweetie, sleep well."

Edward got up and walked toward the kitchen. "Can I get you some tea or hot chocolate?"

"Oh, hot chocolate would be lovely, thank you. I'm going to go get into my comfies while you do that."

My baby boy was nestled in the corner of the plush sectional couch, blowing at the steam on his mug when I returned. He smiled up at me and patted the spot beside him. I curled up and sipped at my hot chocolate.

"Mm, this is delicious."

"Thanks. I can't take full credit for it, but the marshmallows were all my idea."

A contented sigh escaped me as I cuddled with my prodigal son. This felt nice. Even after he returned from Alaska, he wasn't really _back_, it wasn't my baby, it was some empty caricature of the gentle soul we all loved and adored. It was even worse after he tried to kill himself; between the drugs they were giving him for his depression and panic attacks, and the torment he was enduring, he was nothing but a ghost. I feared he'd never come back.

But here he was. MY Edward, or at least a more recognizable version of him, was here sipping hot cocoa beside me. He still had a lot of demons to battle, but he was finally on the other side.

"Penny for your thoughts, Mom," he spoke quietly to me.

I looked at him and smiled. "I'm just thinking about how happy I am. It's been a wonderful weekend."

After setting his mug on a coaster, he turned to me and wiped his thumb across my cheek. "You're crying. Are you sure you're okay?"

I hadn't realized that I was weeping, and seeing the concern on his face made me cry a little harder. He took my mug and placed it beside his, again on a coaster—boy, I had trained him well—and pulled me into his arms, cradling me as I used to hold him when he was a small child.

"I'm sorry," I apologized into his chest. "I'm getting you wet."

"It's okay, Mom, it's the least I can do after all I've done to you."

"I'm just glad that you're back, sweetheart, I'm just so glad…" the sobs tore through me as he rubbed my back gently and hummed to me. When I was finally composed enough to pull my face out of his sodden t-shirt, I looked into his eyes and saw so much regret and sadness that it threatened to drown me. "Edward, sweetie, don't. Don't fall back into the darkness; it's much better in the light."

"I'm sorry, Mom, I'm so sorry I ran off like that. I'm sorry I tried to leave permanently, and I'm sorry I've been so…so absent. I haven't been a good son." He cried as he buried his face in my hair. "But thank you for never giving up on me."

I stroked his hair. "Just don't ever leave me again."

He looked at me, his green eyes more vibrant than ever behind their swollen red rims. "I won't."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just digesting what had transpired. I hoped he was right, I hoped he wouldn't leave again.

"I'm going to go lie down. Want to come with?" he asked, blushing.

"Yes, sweetie, you need to sleep. I'll stay with you until you're settled, okay?"

He grinned at me with a boyish smile I hadn't seen since he was little and I had a feeling I wouldn't be leaving his side. How could I leave that?

It was a good thing I didn't leave him, because once he fell asleep, the nightmares came fast and furious, and I spent most of the night trying to console and comfort him.

"Do you have nightmares a lot?" I asked, brushing some sweaty hair from his eyes.

"Off and on." His body shivered even beneath the duvet. He was soaked in sweat, so I got up and grabbed some fresh pajamas for him.

"Here, change into these dry ones and I'll grab another duvet."

"Thanks, Mom."

I realized when I pulled off the duvet that his side of the bed was also drenched in sweat. "Let me grab some different sheets while I'm at it."

Edward shuffled off to the bathroom as I stripped his bed. Something fell to the floor as I pulled off the fitted bottom sheet. My heart stopped when I saw what it was.

"Oh, Bunny Fou Fou." I picked up the well-loved stuffed rabbit and cradled it to me. I sat on the floor and rocked it as I had rocked its tiny owner oh-so long ago.

Edward returned and gasped. "Mom, I can explain…"

I shook my head. "There's no need, sweetie. I slept with Alex the Moose for months after the accident. It still smelled like her. How did you end up with him? Where did he come from?"

"The funeral director gave me a box of their belongings when I went back to pick up the photos we had set up for the wake. I only wish it had been sooner, though; I hate that he's not with her." Two very large tears dropped from his eyes and slid down his cheeks.

"Come here, Edward."

He came over and sat with me, his head in my lap, and he cried. "I miss my baby girl, Mommy."

My heart shattered. "I know, but it's time to let her go. Emma wouldn't be happy if she knew how sad you were. I know it's hard, but now that you have Bella, it's time to let your baby go."

Edward sobbed in broken, shuddering, shoulder-heaving gasps as I ran my fingers through his hair again. "It's okay to miss her, because you will always miss her—she was your baby girl, but you are allowed to go on living. You shut down immediately after it happened and even after five years I don't think you've ever actually grieved."

"Bella wants us to go to a support group for grieving parents," he choked out as he grabbed at Bunny Fou Fou's ear.

"I think Bella is a smart cookie. Look, I know you aren't big on these things, but you might find that it helps. If not you, I'm sure it will at least do Bella a world of good. Don't write it off. Try it and be open enough to give it a chance."

He nodded and yawned.

"Get up, Edward, let me finish with the bed so you can try to get some sleep. Hopefully the nightmares will hold off."

He got up and we made the bed together before crawling in. Much like he did as a child, he curled up with his head over my heart, clutching tightly at a stuffed animal.

_**Bella**_

Heavy hands held me down; I was immobilized, mute, and terrified. Faceless people moved around my prone body and poured something on me, but I couldn't see what it was until it hit my face.

Coarse, dry dirt. It invaded my airway and I choked hard, my breath rattled with the inhaled pebbles that were imbedded in the earth.

I was being buried alive and there was nothing I could do.

"Bella?"

My lungs filled with grit and silt as I gasped again for air.

"Bella? Come on, wake up!"

I WANT TO WAKE UP! I CAN'T! HELP ME! I CAN HEAR YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR ME?

"Jasper, she's stuck. What do we do?"

ALICE! SAVE ME!

"Bella, sweetie, calm down. You're dreaming. Come on back to us, darlin', you're safe."

Jazzy, I'm trying.

"Alice, grab a cold facecloth, please," I heard Jasper direct Alice.

_**Jasper**_

I wondered if we'd have a rough night after everything that had gone on. Bella was overtired, over stimulated, and overemotional. I have to give her credit though; she handled everything so much better than any of us expected.

Alice returned with a couple of damp cloths. She held one to Bella's sweaty forehead while I reached around and placed one on the back of her neck. As I figured, the introduction of something cool was enough to bring her back to us. Her eyes flew open as she finally let out a gasp.

I brushed a piece of hair away from her mouth with my free hand. "That's our girl, now just relax, Bells. You're wound up tighter than a tube top on Pamela Anderson."

Her eyes rolled back into her head as her body sagged limply against the bed. Alice let out a squeak. "Did she just pass out?"

I tapped lightly on Bella's forehead. "Yeah, she's out cold. It's probably better this way. Let's get comfy; it's gonna be a long night."

Alice sighed. "Well, it was good while it lasted. What do you think brought it on?" She lay down beside Bella and pulled an afghan up over her legs.

"Hell, Darlin', what DIDN'T bring it on? Think about it; Bella had sex for the first time in five years with the guy who destroyed her, she saw her mother-in-law-to-be for the first time in four years, she got hammered, and she watched a video of her dead family."

"Gotcha."

I smiled at her and placed a kiss on her nose. "It might get worse before it gets better. For now, we'll just go on as usual. Now, let's get some sleep. I love you, Alice." I kissed the top of Bella's sweaty head. "And I love you too, Bells. Sleep peacefully, Darlin'."

_**Bella**_

Did someone get the license plate number of the truck that hit me?

Oh. Wow. That was an inappropriate thought, and the irony is delicious. A truck, hitting me. Ha! So not funny.

I tried stretching out and met with some serious muscular resistance. "Ow. Why am I so sore?" I said aloud.

"Morning, Bells."

Jazzy? "Oh, shit, Jazzy, I'm sorry. Was I screaming last night?"

He indicated with his thumb and index finger. "A little bit. How're you feeling?"

"Sore."

"You were pretty tense. I thought you might have been having a seizure."

"Feels like it. Gah. What time is it?"

"Nine. Alice left for school a while ago and I'm heading off to open the store in a bit."

"SHIT! I had a seminar at nine! I'll never get there on time now." I moved to get out of bed but my legs were useless. Jasper caught me just before I hit the floor.

"Easy, Bells. Why don't you take today to rest? You kind of overdid it on the weekend. Get caught up on your work, spend some time with Esme. You're pretty weak and I would worry about you getting around on campus." He set me back up on my bed and smoothed my hair back. "Do you need a hand getting to the bathroom before I go?"

As hard as it was for me to ask for help, I still managed to nod in the affirmative. Today was going to be one of those days that would remind me that I am still very flawed and my body is far from normal. I would have to rely on my cane to get around and would end up in bed most of the day.

After Jasper helped me to and from the bathroom, he brought me a cup of coffee, some toast, my pills, a bottle of water, and my cane. God, I hated that thing.

"Thanks, Jazzy."

"Call if you need anything. Here's your phone. Please call Esme and tell her that I'll leave a spare key to the back door under the mat. Oh," he wiped away a tear I hadn't realized I had shed, "don't cry, Darlin'. It's just one rough day; you'll be better tomorrow. Smile for me? I hate to see you so sad."

I smiled weakly at him. "Thanks, Jazzy."

"Anytime. Now," he gestured to my phone, "call Esme."

"I will. Bye, Jazzy."

I listened as he left the house and sighed. Days like this were few and far between for the most part, but they DID happen and I didn't particularly enjoy them.

I reached for my laptop bag and dragged it very slowly until it was on the bed. I fumbled with the clasps, and almost gave up. My legs were like Jell-o and my hands shook and jerked; I was the picture of perfection.

When I was finally able to get into my bag, I powered up my laptop and sent off an e-mail to my professors, explaining my absence and hoping they would forward the lecture notes.

My phone chirped with an incoming text message. I laughed when I saw it. _**Call Esme NOW ~J**_

I replied, _**On it now ~B**_ before scrolling through my phone for Esme's number.

"Bella! I wasn't expecting you to call so early."

I chewed on my bottom lip as I tried to come up with a response that wouldn't upset her. "There's been a change of plans. I'm…well…"

"It's okay if you're busy, sweetheart, I understand."

"No! No, I'm…I'm having one of those days where bed is probably the best place for me to be, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and hang out here? I have some work I need to do, but I'd love having some company. We can order in, watch girlie movies…"

It sounded almost as if she squealed. "Sounds wonderful!"

"Come over whenever you want. Jasper left a key for the back door under the mat. I can't really get around very well at the moment."

"Do you mind terribly if I come over now? I'll bring a book to read, I promise I won't bother you while you work."

"You could never bother me, Esme. Come over whenever you're ready. You remember how to get here?"

"No worries, sweetie. I'll see you soon. Oh, can I pick up anything for you on the way over?"

"I think I'm good."

We said our goodbyes and I returned my attention to my laptop, where I noticed I had a new e-mail. I smiled when I saw that it was from Edward.

_Morning love,_

_I hope you didn't have too hard of a time getting up after our debaucherous weekend.  
__I missed you last night. I barely slept a wink.  
__Can I come over after class?_

_Love you, E_

'I barely slept a wink?' I wonder what that's all about. I set my shaky hands over the keyboard to type out my reply.

_Morning sweetie,_

_I missed you too. Had a rough one myself.  
__Am having 'one of those days' and would love nothing more than to curl up with you after classes._

_Love you, B._

I set up to do some work on my character sketches; I didn't want to let Irina down by falling behind already. At first, it seemed that this exercise was going to be a walk in the park, but the more I looked at what I'd done, the more I realized that I was just skimming the surface of all the rich and amazing players in my life. To describe Alice as merely hyper was an insult to her free-spirited energy. It was time to really think about people beyond the bones and give them some meat.

_**Alice Brandon:** Short in stature, she makes up for her lack of height with her big heart and boundless energy. She came into my life at a time when I was alone and didn't know I even needed someone, but there she was, positive we would be the best of friends, and she was right. Alice sometimes has a freaky ability to predict things and I think she was bang on with that one._

_Without Alice I never would have made it through my undergrad. Without Alice I wouldn't be where I am today. Without Alice, I would be lost. She holds me when the nightmares threaten to carry me off, she cleans me up when I have a seizure, and she looks out for me like a momma hen._

_Alice is also a little girl trying to play make-believe Mother, and feels the need to be fixing people all the time, much to her own detriment. If she didn't have Jasper, I fear that I may have drowned her years ago._

_**Jasper Hale:** Jasper is tall, lanky, handsome, and has a heart as big as Texas. This rare breed of southern gentleman has been a part of my life almost as long as Alice has. He has been there through some of my rougher moments and always carries me through with little thought to himself. He is my protector, my doctor, my nurse, my brother. He keeps Alice grounded when she threatens to take off into the stratosphere and spends a lot of time being the voice of reason in our little universe._

_Jasper is co-manager of the adult video store where I used to work, but he dreams of being a teacher someday. He has a love of history that runs deep. His twin sister always talks about how when they were growing up, he was happier reconstructing and reenacting battle scenes than playing with cars or even other kids. I think his passion for history will serve him well and he'll be a great teacher._

"Bella?"

I jumped and clutched at my chest. "Esme, I…I didn't hear you. I'm sorry."

She smiled and walked toward the bed. "No, I'm sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn't have snuck on you like that."

"Well, grab a spot on the bed, if you want, or you can curl up in the chair."

After discarding her coat, Esme crawled up onto the bed and settled in beside me. "So, how bad is it?"

I sighed. "Oh, you know, Jell-o legs, and shaky hands. Nothing I've never dealt with before."

She brushed a lock of hair away from my face. "You amaze me."

It was hard not to snort at that comment. "I find that statement rather silly. I'm far from amazing, Esme, I'm a fraud."

"Now why would you ever say that? You've accomplished so much; don't negate all of your hard work by saying that."

It broke my heart to see Esme look so sad. "No, Esme, I'm proud of my hard work, I'm proud of my accomplishments. It just makes me a little sick when people admire my _strength_. My strength isn't my own, I borrow it from everyone else. I'm like a parasite. When I was in the hospital it was you and Emmett, when I did my undergrad it was Alice, Rose, and Jasper. I wouldn't be where I am without them, without you.

"Now that Edward's back, I'm relying on him to help me heal, so really, I'm a coattail-riding fraud. None of my strength belongs to me."

"Isabella Marie Swan! I am appalled! Please stop talking like that. Sure, we may have provided some support along the way, but it's your strong will to live, to succeed, that's gotten you this far."

Metallic-tasting guilt boiled up in my throat. "I'm sorry, Esme. I'm having a bit of a pity party at the moment. I'm sure you can understand. I just need a minute to wallow."

Esme hugged me tightly. "Take as long as you need, sweetheart. Hey, would you like some tea?"

"I would love some. There's a tea cupboard by the sink, please, help yourself, and I'll have whatever you're having."

She got up and walked toward the kitchen. The movement of the bed jostled my bladder and suddenly I had to pee like a racehorse. I maneuvered to the edge of the bed and slowly placed my feet on the floor. On days like these, visual cues worked best. If I saw my feet planted firmly on the ground, then it was easier for my brain to process it. Most days walking and standing would be extremely easy, but not on a day like today.

"Okay, feet on the ground. I can do this." I spoke aloud, trying to pump myself up before standing. My cane was on the bed beside me, but I didn't want to use it; it was a symbol of my failure.

I pushed up off the bed and immediately fell forward. Crap. My bladder was threatening to explode, so I began crawling there. I made it to the toilet just in time to piss down my leg.

"FUCK!" I screamed out as I sat in a puddle of my own warm urine. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

Esme ran into the room. "Bella? Oh, dear."

I looked at her through a wall of tears. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Without saying another word, Esme went to the tub and began running water, grabbing towels and facecloths. She smiled at me lovingly, which made me cry even harder.

While the tub was filling up, she helped me so I was seated on the toilet. She pulled off my tank top and helped me out of my wet bottoms.

"It's okay, sweetie. Lean on me, okay?"

"Okay."

Not only was pissing myself at the ripe old age of twenty-three embarrassing, it was humbling as I was hit by a million memories of time spent in hospital and in rehab. No matter how much I lied to myself, I was never going to be normal. Another harsh truth, yet not so much. In each snippet of memory, there was always one constant, one thing I'd never totally realized.

I had never been alone.

Not once.

Not until I made the decision to leave.

The warm water in the tub brought me back. I looked at Esme and smiled as best as I could. "Thank you."

"Pshaw, it's nothing, sweetie. I'm just glad I was here to help." She wet a washcloth and ran it over my shoulders. "Lean forward, I'll get your back."

I sighed as I leaned forward. "You've always had my back, Esme."

"And I always will. You're family, Bella. You're as much a part of my heart as Edward and Emmett are."

"I'm sorry I ran off."

Esme huffed. "You are forgiven, sweetheart, and I never want to hear you apologize for that again. It's a done deal."

She sat on the edge of the tub and encouraged me to rest my head on her leg, where she ran her fingers through my hair. "Sweetie, you've been given a horrible burden to bear, but you've always come through these things stronger than ever. One day at a time, remember?"

I did. Esme's mantra when I first came out of my coma was, one breath at a time, then one word at a time, then one step at a time, until I was doing well enough to graduate to one day at a time. I tried to live by that; one class at a time, one exam at a time, and it worked.

As Esme poured warm water over my head, it felt as if the doubts and the frustration were washing away.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but you're shivering. I should wash your hair so you can get out."

"Thanks. Shampoo's in the shower."

"At least you're not fighting me. I remember when you used to fight us tooth and nail when we would try to help you."

"Well, you know, I'm older and wiser now. I know that resistance is futile."

We both laughed, and my mood improved vastly. "I feel much better, Esme." I said as she helped me out of the tub. "My pajamas are in the second drawer."

She returned with some cozy flannel pants and a t-shirt. I managed to dress myself and made it back to my bed with minimal assistance. It was slow and awkward, each step calculated and deliberately planned.

"That was great, Bella. You look so much healthier, and you're moving so much better now."

"It's amazing what a bath, pep talk, and a light bulb moment can do for a person. How about we move out to the living room and put on a movie?"

"That sounds great. I'll reheat our tea too."

After slinging my laptop bag over my shoulder, I grabbed my cane and reluctantly used it to get out to the couch, while Esme reheated our long-since cooled beverages.

Not two seconds after I claimed the corner of the sectional couch, Fred was up in my lap, flashing his furry orange ass at me. "Yes, yes, Fred dude, I know you love me, now please do your kitty dance and chill the hell out so I can get comfortable, alright?"

Fred turned around and head butted me before settling down for a snooze, that is, until Esme sat down, and he bolted for her pristinely unfurry lap.

"Traitor," I mumbled.

Esme laughed as she handed me my tea over Fred's head. "Mmm…I inhaled deeply, "chamomile. Perfect, thank you."

I turned on the TV and handed the remote to her so she could pick out a movie from the OnDemand channels. After settling on some uber-romantic cheesefest, I quickly dozed off as I often do during movies.

_**Esme**_

Bella fell asleep not long after I put on the movie. I figured she would after the morning's events. It was hard on her physically and mentally. It must be so discouraging to be progressing so well and have a setback like that. I'm sure she was mortified that she urinated all over herself, and I hope she knows that I wasn't the least bit put out by it.

After watching an hour of that horribly cheesy movie I selected, I set Bella's dear kitty down beside her so I could get up and place a call to Carlisle. He knew immediately that I was upset about something; it's impossible to hide from him, he knows me too well.

"It's Bella, darling, she's had a bit of a bad day. Her motor skills are compromised."

I heard him sigh on the other end of the phone. "How bad?"

"Well, she's better than she was, but she couldn't walk. She tried to get to the washroom and didn't make it. I found her in a puddle of her own urine. I felt so bad for her."

"Where is she now?"

"Sleeping on the couch. She's exhausted."

"This is probably a result of exhausting herself over the weekend. The past few weeks probably haven't lent themselves to her having restful nights."

"You're probably right." I turned toward the living room when I heard a strange noise. I walked toward the couch and found poor Bella thrashing around and the cat scampering off to hide.

"Esme? Are you there?"

"Oh, sorry, sweetheart. Bella looks to be having a nightmare. I should probably go check on her."

"Before you go, how did she seem otherwise? Coherent?"

"Yes, she's clear as a bell and smart as a whip. Oh, she's crying. I'll call you later. I love you."

"You too, darling. I miss you."

I threw my phone down on the love seat as I rushed to Bella's side. "Bella, it's just a dream."

Her eyes fluttered open, staring through me. I tried stroking her cheek, and eventually she blinked and actually saw me. "Esme?"

"Yes, sweetie. You were dreaming. Everything is okay."

Her eyes closed again and she sighed sadly. "Thanks."

"Any time," I said, trying to smile at her. My heart was breaking for her. Would this poor, tormented child ever find peace? What could I do to help her?

"How bad was it?" Bella's voice roused me from my inner monologue.

"I don't think you were deep enough for it to be too bad. You whimpered and thrashed a bit. I've seen worse. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. Why don't I heat up some of the leftovers from the party and the barbeque?"

That sweet smile of hers eased some of my worries. "I'd like that. Can I come watch? I need to move around a bit. I can check my e-mail at the breakfast bar while you do that. If you could help me up, I should be okay with my…ugh…cane. Makes me feel like an old granny."

I smiled at her. "You're no old granny, Bella. Now, hold out your hands and let's head to the kitchen."

_**Bella**_

It was slow going, but after a couple of stumbles, a long string of profanities, and a lot of laughs, we made it to the kitchen. Once I was situated at the grey granite breakfast bar, Esme brought over my laptop, then set about making lunch.

I powered up and opened my e-mail only to find a frantic-looking one from Edward in my inbox. How did I know it was frantic? With a subject like WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME! You would be hard pressed to think otherwise.

Oh, brother. He'd obviously spoken to Alice on campus, or perhaps Esme had told him. I dreaded opening up his message.

_BELLA!_

_Why do I have to find out from my brother, who found out from his girlfriend, who found out from Alice, who found out from Jasper that you are bedridden? Why didn't you tell me? I could have missed class to take care of you._

_At least I can take solace in the fact that you called my mother and she will be there to look after you, but I'm still hurt that you wouldn't tell me._

_I hope it's not as bad as Emmett made it sound. He said you were paralyzed. I'm assuming that's an exaggeration because you were able to e-mail me this morning, and surely you'd let me know if you were in such bad shape._

_I have to go to class, but I'm coming over as soon as I'm done. We'll talk then._

_I love you even if you hide things from me._

_Yours always,  
__Edward_

_Pfft, such a drama queen._

"Who are you spitting at?" Esme asked as she dug around in the fridge. "Let me guess, he's tall, green-eyed, and probably frantic. Am I close?"

I laughed. "Ding! Ding! Hot dog, we have a wiener!"

Esme stood up, put her hands on her hips and grinned at me. "Did you just call me a wiener?"

"Yup."

"Ah, Bella, the eternal sassy-pants. What's my anxious baby boy saying? Oh wait, let me guess…"

I cut her off with a loud snort, at which she cocked an eyebrow. "If I may continue, Edward probably heard about your situation and he's upset that you didn't tell him."

I put my finger on my nose.

"Which one of the yahoos blabbed?"

"Emmett."

Esme set a tray of vegetables down on the bar before me, and I snagged a carrot. "How on earth did Emmett hear about it so fast? He's teaching! I hope he's not texting while he has those children in his classroom. That's very unprofessional. I taught him better than that."

"He probably checked when the kids were out playing at recess. Regardless, Edward isn't impressed." I sighed heavily as I picked up a piece of cauliflower. "There was no reason to worry him because he would have rushed over here and missed school. There's no point in us both missing it. If I had no one else to help I might have considered it, but really, I've managed without him in the past, I'll manage in the future."

"Um, Bella, I think you've killed the cauliflower. I'm not sure what it did to you, but it is no longer living."

I looked down and laughed; sure enough, I'd decimated the poor defenseless clump. "Oops."

Esme cleared it off the table and when she returned, she was carrying two heaping plates of leftovers. "Eat up, Bella, you're so thin."

I contemplated the plate before looking back at her sheepishly. "I can't eat ALL of that, Esme, but I'll do what I can."

"That's all anyone can ask of you, sweetheart."

We ate in silence for a while, then Esme spoke quietly. "It might seem like he's smothering you, dear, but he's still feeling guilty about leaving you, for leaving his brother to care for you. Please keep that in mind during those moments when you want to strangle him, okay? I know that I really have no right to ask this of you, but can you please be gentle with him?

I chewed on a green bean and thought about what she'd said, and tried to put myself in his running shoes. If the tables were turned, would I feel as upset and overprotective of him?

"Okay," I said, stabbing a potato with my fork. "I'll try."

"Thank you." Esme took a bite of Edward's famous potato salad. "Oh, I forgot drinks. Can I get you something?"

"Yeah, please. There are drinks in the fridge. I'd like to have a Diet Pepsi, please."

Esme began speaking again as she sat down. "Edward mentioned that you wanted to go to a group for grieving parents."

I nodded, and finished chewing my food. "What did he say? How did he sound? I don't think he really wants to do it. I need this, but I don't want him to feel forced. I struggled with even mentioning it to him." I took a drink before continuing. "I know I've been all Bella Bellyacher today about my setback, but it's not all bad. I want this new year to be different, and I need to talk about Emma with people who understand and I am fully prepared to go alone, or with Irina if he's not able to do it. Mind you, it would be a lot better if he was with me. I think he needs it as much as I do."

She nodded her head in agreement. "Maybe more."

After lunch, while Esme cleaned up, I did some work.

_Esme Cullen:_ _The eternal mother figure. Her bronze hair glows as warmly as her heart. She's in her early fifties, her soul is old, wise and pure, yet her spirit is ageless. _

_Mother of the exuberant Emmett and erudite Edward, Esme has also been an important mother figure in my life. Married to Carlisle, their marriage has stood the test of tragedy and their love continues to endure._

_I hope I can be like her some day._

_Emmett Cullen_: _Emmett is the epitome of the word brother. I have always had a special bond with the big guy, and it was a no-brainer that Emma would be named after him._

_Big in body, huge in heart, he is funny, caring, loyal, and my savior. I don't know if he really understands that I would not be where I am without him. He jumped to my aid as soon as Edward left, giving up a year of university to help me and his mother get over our obstacles._

_He never asks for anything, and suffers in silence when he's being buried alive. He is selfless._

_Emmett teaches second grade because he loves kids, and I know that he's still hurting over losing Emma. I'm tempted to think that he teaches the little ones because they remind him of her. Or it could be that he's just a big kid and relates to them better than the older kids._

"Bella? Ready to go back to the couch?"

My head snapped up at the sound of Esme's voice. I was so caught up in my work that I forgot where I was.

"Sure, just let me close up. I'm going to try to go to the bathroom too, on my own. I've got to keep moving."

"Okay, dear. Yell if you need me."

I love that Esme trusts me enough to let me try on my own.

I reached for my cane and slowly lowered myself so my feet were flat on the ground. Okay brain, my feet are on the floor, got it? Register that. I wiggled my toes. They were slow to respond, but they eventually did. Good. Okay, I can do this.

I pushed off the stool, braced myself, tried to find my centre of gravity, took a deep breath and ordered my right foot to move.

Score! Okay, leftie, your turn now.

My left foot scraped across the floor.

Score!

It took me a while to get going, but by the time I made it back from the bathroom, I was merely walking with a stumbling gait.

"Esme, do you want to go for a walk around the block?"

"Are you sure?" Although she was smiling, there was concern in her eyes.

"Yes, it'll be slow, but I think it'll help. Jasper usually does it with me, but he's not here."

"Well, then, why don't you get ready while I freshen up."

I hobbled back to my room, where I pulled on some yoga pants, socks, and piled my hair up into a messy bun a top my head.

Esme was ready and waiting when I emerged and we set off at a drunken snail's pace down the street. I talked to her about the neighbourhood, about my house, about school, and she talked about some of the design projects she'd been working on, all of which sounded really exciting.

And then she dropped a bomb on me.

"Carlisle and I almost divorced."

My vision of pure marital bliss between Carlisle and Esme combusted and I stumbled.

In the nick of time, Esme caught me. "Whoa, Bella, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah? Um, wow…uh, when did this happen?"

"Well, it was about a year after you left. Carlisle had, well, buried himself in work after the accident; he couldn't deal with it," she sighed.

"No one could deal with it, but Christ, Esme, he's a doctor, he deals with death every day."

"But not the death of his only grandchild and his best friend. After Edward left and I had my breakdown, he hid, and I was too destroyed to deal with it."

We stopped by a park bench and sat so she could resume her story.

"So, I confronted him one day. I told him that I felt like a widow and that I couldn't deal with it anymore. He needed to make a choice."

"He made the right choice."

"Yes, but it was a long road. I managed to get him to go to therapy, both alone and as a couple, and we came out stronger than ever."

"What is it with Cullen men and their fear of talking when it matters?" I joked.

"I don't know, dear, but as I said before, go easy on Edward, he'll come around."

I gasped. "SHIT! Edward!"

I groped in my hoodie pocket for my phone. "Shit! Shit! Shit! I forgot my phone. He's probably freaking out. Let's get back to the house."

"Oh dear, I don't have my phone either. Can I lend you an arm?"

I smiled at her. "Please, it'll make it easier to get home."

Edward was pacing by his car in the driveway, pulling at his hair. He stopped when he spotted us and watched me amble clumsily toward him.

"Oh, Bella, is it that bad?" he asked sadly, as he rushed over to us.

"I'm doing a lot better, mister. It's a good thing you didn't see me earlier, if this is how you react to me now that I'm doing so much better."

Edward enveloped me in his arms and held me tight. "I was so worried. You weren't answering your phone, neither was Mom, no one was here…I…thought maybe you'd had to go to the hospital or something…"

I kissed him to shut him up. "Shh," I muttered against his lips. "Everything and everyone is fine. Let's go in the house."

When he moved to pick me up, I stopped him. "I can walk."

"But…"

"Edward, I can walk. I'm slow and lopsided, but I can walk. Relax." I knew his actions were well-intended, but he was driving me nuts.

He stepped aside and allowed me to walk by. I was so focused on him being there that I stumbled. Great, just what I need when I'm trying to exercise my independence. Before anyone could jump to my aid, I caught myself and held up a hand. "No, I'm fine. Stand back, please."

I rummaged around in my pocket for my key and managed, after several attempts, to unlock the door and get us into the house. "Don't worry about your shoes," I mumbled as I made my way to the breakfast bar, where I could lean safely.

I felt bad when I looked at Edward; he looked so sad, and kind of lost. Esme put her arm around his waist and gave him a squeeze.

"Edward…" I started, but I really wasn't sure what I wanted to say. "I'm sorry?"

He exhaled loudly and kissed the top of his mother's head before approaching me. "Bella, I'm sorry, I should have let you do…I…God, I find it so hard watching you struggle. My first instinct is to jump in, but I feel helpless when there's nothing I can do. I don't know what to do, what to say, it's like…"

I motioned for him to come closer. His movements were reluctant at first, but he seemed to loosen up when I took his hands in mine. I pulled him to me and hugged him. "It's okay, Edward. I get it, it's hard. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just get so irritated, I guess. It reminds me that I'm not _normal_, even now, and I get frustrated. I'm also all kinds of stubborn, as I am sure you recall from when we were kids. When I'm having a day like today, you kind of have to let me go, let me fall if I tell you to. You need to trust me to ask for help when I need it, because I WILL ask, right, Esme?"

Esme stepped up beside us and placed a hand on his cheek. "She's right, sweetie. Sometimes it's hard to watch, but Bella will let you know when she needs help."

Edward held me silently and I worried that he was still upset.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He sniffed deeply. "Mm-hm."

"You look exhausted, sweetie. Why don't you two go take a nap? I'm going to head back to your house, Edward. I promised to make dinner for Emmett and Rosalie."

My heart stuttered a little. Esme would be leaving in the morning and I wouldn't see her again until November. "I'm going to miss you, Esme. Thank you so much for coming and helping me celebrate my birthday. Thank you for being so understanding, and more than anything, thank you for taking me back."

I pulled away from Edward to hug her. "I love you, Esme."

"I love you too, my sweet little Bella. Be safe and strong. You're on your way. Please don't hesitate to call if you need me, okay? Carlisle and I will always be here for you, sweetheart. You are family."

Turning to Edward next, she smiled and stroked his cheek again. "My sweet baby boy, take good care of our girl and try not to smother her too much."

He smiled as he leaned into her hand and my heart swelled. "I'll be home later, Mom, why are you saying goodbye now?"

Winking at me, she hugged him as she spoke. "There is a good chance you won't make it home tonight and I wanted to be sure to say bye."

"Why…?"

"You're exhausted, sweetie; I have visions of you two falling asleep very soon and waking up in the morning. So, I shall bid you both a fond adieu and tell you that I love you."

"I love you too, Mom. We'll see you soon."

"Be good to each other, take your time, and TALK to each other."

And with that, Esme walked out and I suddenly felt homesick.

* * *

**A wee bit heavy, but that's how this story rolls, right? **

**So, what have I been reading this week?**

**_Library Rendezvous_ by antiaol  
_Moderately Mediocre_ by DreamersDaze  
_Decoy_ by 107yearoldvirgin  
_Hit By Destiny_ by ocdmess**

**and can I say again, _The Workshop: A Tale of Edible Delights_ by danielleR123 is a masterpiece. It made me laugh, cry, cheer, boo, and cry some more.**

**Leave me some love? **


	26. Chapter 26

**Well, bbz, thanks to you wonderful and incredible creatures, Encore broke 700 reviews last chapter! Thanks so much! I'm thrilled about this and I've been working extremely hard this week on upcoming chapters. I am blessed to have each and every one of you, and a really do appreciate your kind words and undying love (even when I'm cockblocking you). Every review makes me smile, and I do respond to them all, even on days other than Reviewer Appreciation Day.**

**Also, the lucky person who had a chance to see Chapter 26 before everyone else was my girl Leanne. She was review #700. Whoever posts lucky #800 will also have the same opportunity--to see the next chapter before anyone else.**

**Before I bore you to tears and totally alienate you all, I need to send big chocolate bunny love to Katmom (sorry for not warning you about the contents of chapter 28!), and Minnakoda, who is always so good about telling me when I suck and when things work and spending hours e-mailing chapters back and forth with me until I get it right (or at least better than sucking).**

**Tissues might be something you want to keep nearby. I'm not saying you'll need them for sure, but you know, just in case.**

******I'm dedicating this chapter to my Ninja Pirate H00rs. **  


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_**Edward**_

Mom was right, I was exhausted. I think Bella could feel it, so we walked to her room where we both flopped on the bed. Bella crawled up so she was lying in her favourite spot, on top of me, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"So, you gonna tell me what happened today?"

She placed several open-mouthed kisses on my neck and collarbones. "No."

"Why not?"

"Don't wanna."

I groaned as she ground herself into me. "Bella, I'm too tired. Please, just talk to me."

She sighed and stilled against me. "What do you want me to say? I had a bad day. Tomorrow will be better. I just overdid it on the weekend; I can't party like I used to." Her head tilted and she stared at me. "But that doesn't mean you get to baby me, got it? Shit happens and I did this to myself."

My fingers gently massaged her back as I ran several lines of further questioning through my head before settling on the most important one. I had a feeling she would deflect it or blow it off. "Did you have a seizure last night?"

Her response was a non-committal shrug.

"Bella?"

The response this time was at least vocal, but muffled. "Maybe, I don't know. Does it matter?"

"It matters if you've had two seizures so close together. You might want to let your doctor know."

"Mm…" she groaned, nuzzling further into my chest.

"Bella?"

"Sleep, Edward."

Moments later she was fast asleep. As exhausted as I was, I just couldn't turn off my brain as I listened to her breathing and felt her heart beating against my chest. Memories of another time when I sat and listened to her rhythmic breathing and heartbeat invaded my thoughts as I was transported back to the ICU of the hospital in Seattle.

_Bella lay motionless in the bed, amid a maze of tangled wires and tubes. Her limbs splayed and splinted, her head covered in bandages, tubes coming from the top. Her eyes were purple and swollen shut, her nose taped to help it mend. There were rows of tiny sutures on her forehead and her neck and her cheeks were bruised and puffy. A breathing tube was her umbilical cord while she was in suspended animation. Her poor lips were enlarged and cracked from the dry hospital air. _

_I was afraid to touch her, terrified of inflicting further pain or injury upon her. The times that I did break down and take her hand in mine, her heart rate increased and it scared me._

_Mostly, I sat there and cried. How could my Bella be this lifeless body before me when we'd been joking and laughing not days before? How could I handle losing my child and my soul mate at the same time? The answer was simple._

_I couldn't._

_I tried, but failed miserably._

"_Edward, sweetie," Mom said as she touched Bella's cheek. "Talk to her, tell her to come back to you, tell her you love her."_

"_But Mom, she can't hear me," I whispered, "that's not Bella. I don't know who it is, but it's not her. I can't talk to a stranger."_

"_Sweetie, this IS Bella, whether you choose to believe it or not. She needs you. Help her."_

_I stood up. "I can't help her, Mom, just like I can't help Emma. They're gone. It's just a matter of time before we're burying Bella beside her. Why bother?"_

_I hadn't realized that I was yelling until my Mom rushed over to me and led me out of the room and down to the chapel. We sat down and I smashed my head with my hands as I spoke. "I can't do this! I can't! Mom, I'm falling apart, I feel like I'm suffocating. It's like a horrible nightmare and I can't wake up. I don't know what to do!" Mom held me when I broke down and sobbed, and soon we were crying together in the dark room lit only by a small lamp on the altar and several rows of prayer candles off to the side._

"_We have to be strong for her, Edward. I know you're hurting, but it's time to think about Bella. You know as well as I do that she's the toughest girl there is and she won't give up. We can't give up on her. If that were you up there in that bed, she'd be by your side 24/7, talking to you, loving you, just being there for you. Can you find it within yourself to do the same for her? She's going to need us when she wakes up. Can you be strong for her?"_

_I shook my head. "I don't think I can." _

"_Please, Edward, find it inside your heart to be her lifeline. Go to her, sweetie, tell her you love her."_

_She looked at me with such high expectations that something in me snapped. I knew at that moment that I had to leave. Tanya had been right; there was no point in sitting with a corpse. _

"_Okay, Mom. I'll go talk to her."_

"_Let's light a candle for her before we go."_

_Mom stood and led me to the rows of votive prayer candles on the ledge. She lit one and paused for a moment, her lips moving silently as she prayed for a miracle._

_When it was my turn, I prayed for forgiveness for what I was about to do._

_I kissed my mom goodbye and told her I wanted some time alone with Bella, to talk. She smiled, told me she loved me, and patted my cheek sweetly._

"_I love you too, Mom. I'm sorry."_

_I went upstairs, said my goodbye to Bella by singing to her and left. It was the second hardest thing I had ever done._

"Edward?"

"Mm…Bella? Wha…?"

"I have to get up and go to class. You can stay here and sleep if you want, but I can't miss two days in a row."

"Mm…" I groaned, stretching. "What time is it?"

"Six-thirty. I'm going to take a shower; I'll leave the door open in case you have to pee."

I watched as Bella steadied herself on the edge of the bed, then she slowly took several hesitant steps. It took everything in me not to rush to her aid, but she had made it clear that she would ask for help if she needed it.

Listening anxiously until I heard the toilet flush and I knew for sure that she'd made it into the room safely, I exhaled. She would be the death of me, what with her stubbornness. When I heard the shower turn on, I got out of bed and walked quietly to the bathroom.

The vision of beauty that greeted me knocked the air out of my lungs and made my morning wood feel more like a petrified log.

Do I dare?

I stripped out of my jeans and t-shirt and stepped closer to the shower stall. Bella gasped when she saw me, then smiled playfully. "Feeling dirty?"

"Not yet, but I plan to, if that's okay with you?"

I stepped into the shower before she could respond and kissed her pouty mouth. Her hands slid up my wet torso and into my hair as I nipped at her bottom lip.

Her right leg lifted and wrapped around my thigh. I could feel her heat on me and I couldn't hold back; I lifted her other leg, hitched it up around me, and reached down to situate myself. All it would take is one slight shift of my hips and I would be fully sheathed inside her, where I longed to be.

"Please," she whimpered.

"As you wish, Buttercup." I groaned as I thrust into her.

It was frantic and fast, just like early weekday morning sex should be. It wasn't long before she began to tremble and cry out. She actually held on longer than I had expected, given what had happened during our previous session. I was glad, though, because my legs were about to give out just as I grunted out my release.

Bella giggled when I collapsed onto the small seat in the shower.

"I could get used to this," she said as she hugged me.

A loud bang came at the door. "Hey! Are you okay, Bella? The water's been running for a long time."

Alice walked into the bathroom, spotted me sitting there, still inside a very naked Bella, and shrieked as she covered her eyes. "OH MY GOD! I'm so sorry!" She turned to walk out of the room and yelled back to us, "Hi, Edward. Sorry about that, but please save some hot water for me and Jazzy, would ya?"

Bella groaned and buried her face in my shoulder. "That wasn't embarrassing at all, was it?"

I laughed. Not even Alice barging in could ruin my mood. "Let's wash up so they can have a quasi-warm shower."

The four of us ate breakfast together and the mood was light. Bella was in much better spirits and didn't complain when Alice handed her the dreaded cane.

Bella came home with me so I could change before class. Sadly, Mom had already driven back to Forks, and the house was empty. She sat on the sofa and talked to me while I changed and gathered my books. We discussed our workloads, appointments, and other commitments, including my need to get in some serious practice time and she really needed to get her assignment for Irina finished. It looked as if we wouldn't be seeing much of each other this week, unless…

"Bella, you could always come work at my place while I practice, couldn't you?"

She pondered it for a moment, then shook her head. "I doubt I'd get much work done thinking about your fingers working the keys."

My jaw dropped at her candid confession. "Really?"

She blushed. "Yes, I suppose we could try, though." She nibbled on her bottom lip before speaking again. "Speaking of try, do you…"

Whatever she was about to ask me was making her nervous. "What is it, love?"

"Would you come to a support group meeting with me on Thursday night?"

Oh. Crap. Way to ruin a perfect moment.

My silence spoke volumes and the smile in Bella's eyes faded. "Okay, never mind, I'll go with Irina. It's okay."

Crap! "No, Bella, I'll go."

"Really? I don't want you to feel pressured, but I think I'm ready to go."

"Okay, well, we can talk about that tomorrow at dinner, my house. Then we'll work."

Bella gave me a kiss. "Thank you. Now, can we go? I'm slow and I don't want to be late for class."

I dropped her off at her building, gave her a kiss and promised to call later. I watched as she made her way slowly to class, leaning on her cane and stopping every few steps. She was far from flawless, but it made her all the more perfect because of it.

My girl was a fighter and it was time for me to man up and support her.

_**Bella**_

I paced in my kitchen as I waited for Edward to pick me up for the meeting. We'd discussed it again last night over dinner and although I could smell his fear and feel his reluctance, he had agreed to go. As a precaution, I had called Irina just to make sure she would be there in case Edward couldn't do it.

Sad to say, I had pretty much written him off, prepared myself for him to bail, to run in the other direction screaming. I know, I know, I'm horrible; I had told him that I had forgiven him, but I couldn't forget it. I was always half-expecting him to run screaming, especially when I was so gimpy on Monday.

Headlights flashed across the living room walls and I heard a car door slam. Edward was walking toward the back door. He was really here! I flung open the door and launched myself into his arms. "You came!"

He slowly disentangled my arms from around his neck and set me down, frowning sadly. "You still don't trust me do you?"

"Um, yes, I trust you, but…"

He frowned harder. "Let's go, we don't want to be late."

Shit, he was mad. "Edward, I'm sorry."

He shook his head as he sat in the driver's seat. "No, I deserve it. Let's not discuss it further. So, where is this thing?"

Although he still sounded upset, I wasn't going to push the matter any further, I was actually going to listen to him and not pursue it until later. I gave him the address to the church where the meetings were held. My body trembled as we pulled up.

"Baby, are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm just nervous. I'll be okay. Oh, there's Irina."

Edward got out and walked around to open my door. My legs were trembling so bad that I could barely stand. I had done so well earlier in the day that I'd not even bothered with my cane and now I wasn't sure if I should have left it home.

"I've got you," he whispered before kissing my cheek.

Irina ran over. "Bella, dear, are you okay?" She grabbed my other arm and helped me get up the stairs and inside the foyer.

"I've had a bit of a setback, but I'm doing better. I'm just nervous and it's making things worse. Oh, Irina, this is Edward. Edward, this is Irina."

We stopped walking when we reached a carpeted staircase leading down to the basement. Irina let go of my arm, walked over to Edward and hugged him. "Thank you, Edward. I think you will both benefit from this."

I looked down the stairs and groaned. There's no way my shaky legs would handle going down the stairs. Edward released me and stepped down a couple of steps, turning his back to me. "Need a lift?"

Irina laughed. "I'll meet you two at the bottom."

Swallowing what little pride I had left, I hopped onto Edward's back and he carried me down into a brightly lit multipurpose room. There were probably fifteen, maybe twenty people present, all of varying ages, and it looked as if we were probably the youngest people in attendance.

"Coffee? Tea? Juice? There's a table over there with just about anything you could want." Irina said, pointing to a long table laden with coffee urns, hot plates heating teapots, cans of pop in buckets of ice, and trays of sweets.

Edward led me to a seat and set me down. "I'll grab drinks. What can I get for you ladies?"

"I'm already shaky enough, I'll have something decaffeinated, like a chamomile tea if there's some there. If not, water is fine. Thanks, sweetie."

Irina pulled out a huge Ziploc bag filled with teabags from her massive purse. "Just grab a couple of hot waters for us, dear; I've got enough tea for half of Seattle in this bag."

Edward smiled a little and walked off toward the refreshment table. Irina turned to me and grinned. "Bella, he's wonderful, and handsome to boot. Such a gentleman. So, how hard was it to get him to come?"

I sighed a little. "It wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it could be. He's very resistant to therapy or anything resembling it, so of course he was leery. And then I go and make some stupid comment about thinking he might bail. God, I'm such a…oh, thanks, sweetie." I smiled at Edward as he handed each of us a steaming mug of hot water.

Irina opened the Ziploc bag. "So, what's your pleasure?"

"Surprise me," I said, grinning at her.

"I'll have what Bella's having."

Irina dug through the bag and pulled out a couple of teabags. How about blueberry?"

"Mm," I hummed, my mouth watering instantly, "sounds delicious."

We sat in silence as we poked at our teabags. Irina finally spoke up. "We're pretty informal here and most of us have been part of the group for a while. Don't let it intimidate you. Don't feel like you have to share tonight, too. No one will hold a gun to your head, but you might find that it helps. We ALL understand your grief, and this is a safe place. There is no judgment here, only likeminded people who all want to find some peace in all of this."

She took Edward's free hand in hers. "I know you are struggling with this, Edward, and I'm so proud of you for even coming. The grieving fathers are hard to get to open up because they are so hardwired to hold it in, but you have a right to grieve too. Remember that, kiddo."

He swallowed loudly and nodded before taking my hand in his.

A tall, beautiful woman stood up at the front of the room, and all conversation stopped. "Welcome, everyone. Could you all pull your chairs in and form a circle? Thank you."

Edward helped me up and arranged our seats in the circle with everyone else, putting me between him and Irina. My hands were shaking so badly that my tea was slopping in my mug, so Edward took it and placed it on the floor, then took my hand in his. Irina reached for the other one and gave it a squeeze.

"Okay, well, welcome everyone. I see some new faces tonight, so I'll introduce myself. My name is Kate and I will be leading the meeting tonight."

The others all replied with a rousing, "Hi, Kate." This was really starting to feel like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Kate smiled at the group, then continued. "My daughter, Abigail, died six years ago in a car accident. She was four years old."

My heart stuttered briefly, my left leg began to bounce and my throat tightened. Edward rubbed circles on the top of my hand, and gave it a squeeze.

Kate kept speaking. "I miss Abby every day, some days are worse than others, but I'm here to tell you that it's okay to grieve, you just need to make sure that you keep living.

"One of the hardest things I struggled with over the years was dealing with people who have never had to endure this kind of overwhelming loss. These are, for the most part, well-meaning people who expect us to go on living as if nothing happened. You never get over the loss of your baby, regardless of age," she nodded toward a grandparently-looking couple. "But you can learn to live with it."

She smiled in our direction. "Would our new friends like to introduce themselves? There's no pressure to talk, but we're here to listen. We understand."

I squeezed the hands I held and tried to stand. My legs were shaking so bad that Edward and Irina stood with me. I needed to do this, shaky legs and all.

"M…my name is B…Bella, this is Edward, and we lost our two year old daughter Emma in…in a car accident. My parents also died in the same accident.

Edward buried his nose in my hair and exhaled deeply.

"Hi, Bella. Hi, Edward. Welcome," Kate said, smiling sadly. "How long ago?"

Edward croaked out a quiet "five years."

"Well, welcome to you both. Please continue if you wish, but keep in mind you don't have to. Take your time."

I whispered to Irina that I was okay. She sat down and squeezed my hand before letting it go. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist when my knees threatened to buckle.

"You can sit if that's better," Kate added.

I smiled gratefully at her. "Thank you."

Edward helped me down and draped an arm around my shoulder before he whispered to me, "Are you sure?"

I nodded, then cleared my throat before I began telling our story. My voice wavered a couple of times, but I didn't break down until I got to the part about Edward leaving. Amazingly, he picked up the story from there, and to be honest, I was more than willing to let it go, but he wasn't. and I was so proud of him that I could burst.

_**Edward**_

Bella was amazing. I wasn't expecting her to tell our story at all, and when she did, I'll admit that I was a little annoyed, but she handled it like a trooper until she got to the part where I left. Somewhere deep inside of me, I found the strength to continue for her.

"Um, well, I was kind of in shock, I mean, Emma was gone, Bella was pretty much gone, and I was out of my mind, so after I…" I swallowed the huge concrete lump in my throat, "I buried our baby girl, I ran."

I'm not sure what I expected to happen as I continued the story—people throwing rocks or rotten fruit, or chasing me down with pitchforks and torches—but the reaction I received shocked me. The men in the room nodded and looked at me, not with anger or disgust, but with quiet understanding. I was floored. Even the women regarded me with compassion. What the…?"

Kate spoke up. "Bella, Edward? Is it safe to assume that neither one of you has really dealt with this?"

We both nodded. "I ran as far away as I could."

Bella spoke up quietly. "I was in a coma."

"And after?"

Bella's voice grew in strength. "I buried myself in my recovery, and then, when I ended up running away, I immersed myself in school."

"Edward?"

"Pretty much the same, school, music, anything to avoid it."

"And here you are, together again and speaking out. Thank you for sharing. You give us all a lot of hope."

The other people in the room smiled at us and clapped before another couple began to speak.

"My name is Elizabeth, and this is my husband Paul. We lost our son Alec to meningitis, and the one-year anniversary is next week. I know I'm speaking for my husband when I say that the hardest thing for us right now is the overwhelming and all-consuming guilt we both have about his death. We waited too long to take him to the hospital; we thought he was pretending to be sick to get out of going to school. He had an algebra test that day and he hated math with a passion, so it wasn't uncommon for him to play sick. Only this time…

"By the time we got him to a doctor, it was too late; there was nothing they could do. He died twenty minutes later."

Elizabeth broke down and sobbed. Bella squeezed my hand, and I looked over at her and tears were streaming down her face. I kissed her temple and squeezed her back, to let her know I was there.

Paul spoke quietly to his wife, offering her a hug. When she was composed enough to speak again, she said that on top of the guilt, they were dealing with marital issues. Their marriage was falling apart because they were blaming each other for something that was out of their hands. They were in therapy now and things were better, but there were times when neither one of them could stand to see the other.

Irina spoke next, and I watched as Bella squeezed her hand as a means of support. She was strong as she spoke, eloquent, but still evidently very aggrieved over the loss of her dear son, Jacob. It seemed like Irina had weathered the worse of the storm, and I was relieved that Bella had her in her corner.

After listening to the other couples sharing their stories of loss, and then talking about the good things that had happened, I was feeling a little better. I would be hard pressed to say that I wasn't surprised when a couple of the men approached me during the post-meeting social time. They mentioned that they often met, just the men, to discuss their problems because sometimes it helped to have another guy to talk to. Men quite often process grief differently and are often swept to the wayside, when the focus is clearly on the mothers.

"Everyone feels for the mothers because, well, they gave birth to our children and share that special physical bond, but no one really thinks to ask us how we are doing.

"So, we get together, have some beer, and talk. There's no real structure to it, just some guys hanging out. Sometimes we go to football games or go bowling," Paul said.

"Here's our card. It's got our cell numbers and e-mail addresses in case you need to talk."

"Thanks." I looked down at the card and smiled. "Really, thank you."

Bella limped over and put her arm around my waist, smiling at the men. "Bella, love, this is Paul, Garrett, Embry, and Marcus."

She grinned at them. "Hi."

"You ready to go?" I asked, kissing the top of her head.

"Whenever you are."

"Okay, gentlemen, thanks again."

"Any time. Oh, and Edward?" Paul spoke up, "you should check out Embry's website, there's more details there for when you're ready."

I pocketed the card and smiled as Bella and I made our way to the stairs. "Fancy a lift, love?"

"Nah, I want to do it myself, thanks. It's easier for me to go up than it is to go down, although; if you want to lend an arm, I wouldn't refuse it."

We made our way up the stairs and out to the car, and it wasn't until I pulled into Bella's driveway that either one of us spoke.

"What did you think?" she asked, sounding nervous.

I took her hand and gently laced my fingers through hers. "It was hard, and I was SO proud of you for standing up. It broke my heart, though, to hear about all the other kids. So much pain. But then the more I listened, the luckier I felt."

Bella turned her head to look at me. "Lucky?"

"Yes, love, I was counting my many blessings. I have you back, but so many of them lost their relationships, so I am happy that we're working through this. I feel lucky that unlike Elizabeth and Paul, we won't drown under the guilt. I mean, it's not their fault that their son died, meningitis is a fickle bitch, but there is nothing about the way that Emma died that could possibly be our fault."

Bella cleared her throat and looked away. I gently pulled her chin toward me. "What is it?"

"I feel guilty sometimes that I lived and she didn't. It's not fair that it happened this way and my baby didn't really get a chance to reach her potential."

"Sweetie, that's natural, but not at all what I'm talking about."

"I know."

"I also feel lucky to have met these new people so now I won't feel so alone."

Bella's mouth opened and she gasped. "You…you feel alone?" Her breathing increased, and she began to claw at the collar of her jacket.

Crap.

Before she could freak out and have a full-blown panic attack, I got out of the car, opened her door, unbuckled her seatbelt, reached in and picked her up. "Sh, love, let me explain."

I carried her to the swings and sat on one, encouraging her to straddle my lap so she was facing me. "Look at me, baby."

Her eyes fluttered open as she looked at me.

"Deep breaths, love. Look, that all came out wrong. I NEVER feel alone when I'm with you. Finding you again and being able to be a part of your life has resuscitated me; I was existing in limbo until you told me you still loved me."

I kissed her, then rested my forehead on hers. "Bella, deep breaths, honey."

She inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled, and I felt her heart slowing down a bit.

"Talking to the men there tonight made me realize that I had no one but you to talk to about Emma. Unlike everyone outside the family, these guys won't smile, nod, and hope that I stop playing the grieving father. They know what it's like to be a dad who has lost his child, and I…I want to talk about it. I NEED to talk about it."

Bella began to sob. "Shh, baby," I whispered against her hair as I rested my lips on her forehead.

"I'm happy," she said between sobs. "We're going to be okay now, aren't we?"

I held her tighter and kissed her nose. "Yes, I think we are."

She rested her head on my chest and I pushed off, swinging us gently in the cool night air, both of us genuinely smiling. I felt so light that I almost expected us to take flight and soar off into the inky night sky.

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**Hopefully that wasn't too hard on y'all. It's all good, though...progress is a good thing.**

**Let's see...this week's recs..**

**_The Mirrors_ by adorablecullens  
_The Blessing and the Curse_ by The Black Arrow  
_Let Your Light Shine_ by LolaShoes  
_Calefaction_ by ExploitingReality  
_Death at Disneyland_ by LJ Summers  
**

**And if you haven't already read it, please read the wonderful _Guarding Edward_ by Katmom. She's been updating with some INCREDIBLE epilogues, that I think she should seriously consider turning into full-on spin-offs. Maybe if enough of us mention it to her, she'll do it. *grin* **

**Happy long weekend (for those who are lucky to have one) and don't eat too much chocolate! Save some for me, damn it!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Updating on a Wednesday? WTH, right?**

**I had intended on doing a double on the long weekend as a treat, but I ended up going out of town rather suddenly, and, well, RL happens.**

**So, here it is. Chapter 27. Wow. **

**This chapter is lighter and fluffier and starts off with the girls hanging out at the store planning for the Halloween party, and the boys at Bella's working on costumes. **

**If you don't enjoy the store-talk, you should probably skip down to the boys part. If you're in the market for a "toy," there might be some educational benefit of this chapter.**

**Lots o' love to the sweet Katmom and her sore ankle (hope you're feeling better soon!) and Minnakoda who lifts me up so I can stand on mountains. *snort***

**I can't start this without a _yo ho ho_ to the h00rchies. **

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_**Bella**_

Time flies and life goes on. The world keeps spinning, even if you aren't. Funny thing, though, as the days passed, the drama ebbed, and I got stronger. I was back to fighting weight, so to speak, and found a new rhythm to march to, or rather gimp to. My last setback left me with a more prominent limp, and Emmett began calling me Gimpy B. I knew there was no malice in it, and even came to love it—a little bit.

My nights alternated between wonderful and iffy. The ones Edward stayed with me were sublime, and not because we were getting back into the swing of schmexin' again, but because his mere presence chased away a lot of my demons, leaving me with more restful sleep.

Alice, Rose, and I were planning to have a Halloween party this year, and spent a lot of time planning it. I was happy about that because we were nearing Emma's birthday and the busier I was, the less time I had to spend thinking about it.

Emma was born October 27th, so we'd be in serious party planning mode. Edward hadn't mentioned any plans for that day, and I kind of hoped that he didn't want to do anything. I usually spent that day curled up in a ball being pathetic.

"Bella? Hello?"

A French tickler bounced off my cheek. "Easy, Alice, I'm here."

She twirled a cock ring around her finger and pouted at me. "You're thinking too much. Stop it. So, costumes, ladies. What's the plan?"

I grinned at my two best friends. "I promised Edward that I would be a naughty nurse."

Rose snorted. "That's priceless."

The chime on the door of the store went off, so Alice stood up from where she'd been sitting on the floor and scared the crap out of the customer.

"I don't see why we couldn't have done this at the house," I mumbled around the rim of my beer bottle. "I had hoped for a little longer break from the store."

Rose flung a catalogue at me. "Oh, come on, Bells, when was the last time we had a good old-fashioned session at the store? Besides, we're testing out our costumes."

"Well, I told you already that I'm doing the naughty nurse, so I don't…"

"Oh, chill out, Bella. You're just crabby because we stole you away from Edward," Alice piped up.

Blasted pixie knows me all too well. Edward and I had both been swamped with schoolwork this week and weren't able to spend nearly as much time together as we had wanted.

"It's for the best, Bella," Alice said as she rearranged some flavoured lube packs on the counter while she waited for the customer to come back to the front. "You two are morphing into some strange hybrid creature."

"Yeah, _Bellward,_" Rose added, snickering.

"Or _Bedward_? Yes, I think Bedward works just fine considering the amount of time you two spend in bed."

I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed indignantly. "We're tired a lot. Besides, why is it such an issue when I'm getting some, but it's not when Jasper pounds you against the wall upside down, or you, Rose, I know you and Em are getting freaky regularly. So, why, pray tell, is it such an issue that Edward and I are bumping uglies on occasion?"

"Amen! Good for you, sister!" The gentleman at the counter interjected.

I jumped up and high-fived him. "Thank you!"

"No problem. Now, I want to get freaky with my wife tonight and I'm sure she'd appreciate it if one of you lovely ladies would help me pick something special for her."

"Allow me," I offered, winking at the girls. "So, sir, is your wife into toys? Lubes? Costumes? BDSM?"

"Atta girl, B!" Alice cheered.

"Do you think she'd enjoy something that vibrates? Does she get off more often with or without digital manipulation?" I wiggled my fingers at him.

He pondered my question, stroking his chin as he thought about it. "Hmm, well, most women like things that vibrate, right?"

I moved us over to a wall of toys. "Most do, but some find it too stimulating."

He looked utterly shocked. "Is that possible?"

I nodded.

"Oh, well…what about something that works both ways: something that vibrates or works well without vibrating?"

Smiling, I guided him to a pegboard loaded with a vast array of products. I showed him several models, even threw in some batteries to demonstrate the power and the type of vibration. The girls even set up races on the countertop to see which one was faster, louder, more powerful.

By the time he left the store, I had hooked him up with almost four hundred dollars worth of merchandise; from vibrators to cock rings, special lubes and imported condoms. I even talked him into buying a furry blindfold and matching fuzzy handcuffs.

"Now, what do you need to remember about the cuffs and the blindfold?"

"No means no, and when done properly and with care, it can be fulfilling for both partners. Got it. Thanks so much, girls. My wife is going to be so surprised."

"Play safe!" I called out after him.

"Always!"

Alice and Rose were beaming when I turned back to them. "What?"

They both pounced on me. "BELLA'S BACK!"

"What do you mean by that? I never left!"

They looked at each other before Rose spoke. "Well, you've really not been yourself since Edward and Emmett appeared. Don't be offended, though, I know it's been tough on you. But it just seemed like you were so raw, so sensitive, that we kind of missed our Ballsy Bella. You've been a lot more like yourself again lately and it's been nice."

Alice put an arm around my shoulders. "We're just afraid that you're going to lose yourself in Edward."

I mulled it over, and, well, had to agree. "I don't know if I'll ever fully be _your_ Bella again, but can you live with Bella V3.0? This is a combo Bella, like a hybrid of your Bella and a bit of Edward's Bella. Can this work?"

Both girls hugged me. "We'll love whatever version of Bella we can have, but we love the old model best," Rose said.

"Yeah, but the less sexually frustrated Bella is pretty cool too," Alice added. "Now, let's try on some costumes!"

_**Edward**_

"So, Jasper," I said, slightly uncomfortable.

"So, Edward. What's on your mind?"

"Um, well, your hand is incredibly close to my, er, junk, and frankly I'm feeling kind of weird about it."

Jasper stood up. "Sorry, buddy. Don't feel bad, it's normal."

I sighed. "Yeah, but you're practically cupping my balls and I hardly know anything about you," I said, laughing.

He grinned. "You're a cheeky bastard for someone in your current position." He settled back down on the floor in front of me and admired his handiwork. "Okay, just a couple more and we should be done."

Looking down at him, I had to laugh. Anyone walking in on us would really wonder what we were up to; I was wearing a t-shirt and boxer briefs, and Jasper was on his knees inspecting my _crotchal_ area.

"How did you learn so much about plaster casting? It's not a particularly commonly practiced art."

"Hold your junk up for a second," he said as he prepared another strip of plaster gauze. "This shit can burn sensitive skin. Um, well," he paused to finish wrapping, "I liked to reenact battles when I was a kid and I wanted my wounded men to really look wounded. At one point, most of the kids in the neighbourhood were sporting one of my casts.

"Okay, you can let go of your balls."

I admired Jasper's attention to detail and it seemed a shame that we'd have to cut it off. Bella was wearing the naughty nurse costume for Halloween and Alice was adamant that we couples were matching, so Jasper was making a plaster cast for my leg. I had wondered why we didn't do it the day before the party, but then I realized I'd be ankle-to-hip encased in plaster, which wouldn't work well—it needed twenty-four hours to solidify, and I needed to be able to drive and get around at school. So Jasper suggested we cast it today, cut it tomorrow, and he'd rig some sort of hidden hinges so I would be able to slip it on and off as needed.

All I had to do was get through the next twenty-four hours all hobbled up. It was going to be rough.

Emmett was outside trying to rig something up in the yard to scare people. Halloween was still a week away, but Em was like a little kid when it came to spooking people. I just hoped he wouldn't end up doing something to destroy Bella's yard, or hurt an unsuspecting neighbour.

"So, Jasper, tell me about yourself."

"Well," he said, smacking his lips, "I don't kiss on the first date, my favourite colour is lime green, and I'm a Cancer."

I smacked him across the back of his head. "Seriously, you know EVERYTHING about me, but I really don't feel like I know you at all. You're so quiet."

He tapped his temple. "I'm taking notes."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, fine, what do you want to know?"

"Besides civil war reenactments and Alice, what makes you tick? What are your passions? What goes on under that floppy blond hair of yours?"

Jasper chuckled as he stood again. "You really want to know?" He moved to grab a stool from the breakfast bar, then covered it with a towel before bringing it over to me.

"Yes."

"I dunno, man, I'm a pretty simple guy. I was born in Tennessee, and was quite glad to escape the womb I shared with Rosalie. Mom jokes that I didn't cry when I was born, I shouted _hallelujah!_"

I laughed at him, and he shook his head. "You haven't spent enough time with my dear, sweet, twin sister to understand. Want a beer?"

"Sure. I won't be driving anywhere anytime soon, so why not. Just don't let Emmett know; I don't need him going all Mother Hen on my ass about it. So, why the interest in civil war reenactment?"

He shrugged as he passed me a bottle. "I'm a good Southern boy who respects my roots? I dunno, I think it might have been my PawPaw who got me into it. He had the neatest books and pictures, not to mention he used to love taking me to the big reenactment events. We'd get all decked out and when I was younger, we'd participate. The more I saw, the more I wanted to know.

"I figured out along the way that by bringing history off the pages, it became more interesting. I want to show kids that history is important and that there's a lot to be learned, that we can prevent future mistakes by studying past ones."

Wow. Jasper was kind of deep after all.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, before taking a drink.

"Boxer briefs, dude."

I snorted and beer shot out of my nose. "Holy shit, Jasper!" I coughed and laughed at his unexpected response.

He laughed as he handed me a tissue. "Sorry, I just always wanted to answer a question like that. Now, what did you want to ask?"

After cleaning my face and clearing my throat a couple of times, I had almost forgotten what I was going to ask in the first place. Oh yeah. "What kept you and Alice so close to Bella? Why did you guys move in with her?"

"We couldn't leave her."

Plain, simple, stated so easily. I felt like an ass.

"Shit, sorry, Edward. I didn't mean…"

I held up my hands to stop him. "No, no, it's okay. I deserved that. All's fair, brother."

"Well, she was doing a lot better than she was when we first met her, but neither Alice nor myself could bear the thought of her being very far away from her. Although she was markedly improved, she was still having nightmares, and I can't imagine dealing with that alone. And then there are the seizures. They're rare, but I hate to think about what would happen if she had a bad one when she was alone.

"She bought the house in her third year and made sure that Alice and I knew that she wasn't expecting us to move in, that there was no pressure. We hated living in the dorms too, so even though we begged her to take rent money to go toward the mortgage, she refused."

I smiled. "That sounds like Bella."

"Turns out there is no mortgage. She paid for it in full."

"With the insurance money."

Jasper touched his nose with his beer. "We figured she had SOME money, we just didn't know how much. She was on scholarship, she shopped at thrift stores, she worked at a fucking porn store! We had no clue."

I couldn't help but chuckle. That sounded exactly like my Bella.

"How're you holding up, Edward?"

I wriggled my butt on the small seat. "My ass is sore."

Of course, Emmett walked in at that very moment and yelled, "That's what SHE said!"

Jasper grabbed the closest projectile to him and biffed it at my brother. Thankfully it was my wadded-up jeans. Emmett held them up and gasped. "Edward is pantless? What kind of fuckery have I walked into? I always suspected Eddie was into the freaky back door shit, but Jasper? I had no idea!"

The next thing thrown at him wasn't nearly as soft or forgiving. He was shocked when an orange smacked him in the nuts. "Ow, shit, Jazz! I need these balls in good working order so I can make you an uncle someday."

Jasper's head shook and I had to laugh because I knew the poor guy was trying not to think about Emmett and Rose making babies. "God, I should have thrown the scissors at him," he mumbled.

The air was heavy, so I decided to change the topic. "Hey, bro, what're you and Rosie dressing up as?"

A huge grin brought out his dimples. "She's going as Artemis and I'm going to be Acheron. Ash kicks major ass, brother."

"I'm not sure I understand," Jasper said, cocking his head. "Care to explain?"

I laughed because I had a feeling my brother's Ash balloon was about to burst. "Yeah, Em, why don't you explain?"

He growled at me before squaring his shoulders and holding his head high. "Well, Jazzy, Artemis is the goddess of the hunt and she's in charge of a bad-ass group of immortal warriors who hunt down the Daimons—a dirty bunch of fuckers who suck out human souls to stay alive.

"The Dark-Hunters are all crazy warriors who all gave their soul to Artemis when they were dying so they could get back at the douchebags who betrayed them and caused their untimely deaths."

Jasper nodded his head, looking kind of lost. "So, who is this Ash guy?"

"Acheron is the dude who wrangles the Dark-Hunters."

"So, he's a Dark-Hunter?"

Emmett sighed. "No, he's like a God, the last Atlantean one, and dude can do just about anything, except for drink Sprite—shit messes him up. Anyway, he's got cool swirly eyes, his hair changes colour, and he dresses all goth biker-like."

"Where do you know all this from anyway?"

"Books. Sherrilyn Kenyon wrote 'em. They're awesome. You'd probably like them because of all the history and shit in them." He pointed at me. "This douche likes them because of the frou-frou love story shit in them."

I shrugged. "Ain't no shame in my game. They're good stories, and they're kind of hot."

Jasper left the room and came back with his laptop. "I need to Google this shit."

I waited for his reaction because I knew the second he saw the covers and read the titles that he'd lose it.

Three…two…one…

"Oh, man! These are chick romance novels!" Jasper roared, slapping his thigh as he laughed. "Holy shit, you guys openly read this shit?"

We both nodded. "Emmett introduced me to them a couple of years ago. I was reluctant, but they really are pretty bad ass. _Acheron_ was probably one of the most intense books I've ever read. And you know, Em's right; you'd probably like all the history in it. I know that I wanted to learn more about ancient Greece, and I have this incredible urge to go there."

"I'll bring them over later on," Emmett added as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. "Anyone else need a beer?"

Jasper and I both raised our hands. He looked at me suspiciously, eyeing the bottle in my hand.

"This is my first one. Look, Em, I'm only taking the Paxil now, you have no worries about me taking the other pills and me getting wonky. I know my limits."

I heard Jasper snorting beside me, and as I kicked at him with my uncasted leg, I lost my balance and fell off my stool, landing hard on my ass.

"Don't you dare crack that plaster, Edward!" he said, staring down at me.

"A little help?"

Both of them stood above me, staring down for a moment before whispering to each other. "What the…?"

"No, you can stay there on the floor for a while if you can't get yourself up," my sweet, older brother said, mocking me.

I pouted and crossed my arms. "You guys are mean. Fine then."

Emmett grinned evilly as he set my beer down just out of reach. Jasper sat beside me and grinned. "This is too easy."

Emmett left the room, and as soon as Jasper heard the door shut, he passed the beer over to me. "Here."

"Thanks."

"So, uh, since you're my captive audience, I have some questions for you. Feel free to tell me to fuck off, okay?"

Fuck. It was easy to see that this was going to be uncomfortable—more so than the hard floor under my ass. "Yeah, but can you at least grab me a pillow? My ass is really hurting."

He chuckled as he got up to grab some pillows from the couch. When he came back, he helped me up so he could slide a pillow under me, then gave me one for my back, which was now leaning against the breakfast bar.

Fred chose that moment to come and curl up on my lap. "Hey, dude," I said, rubbing his whiskers.

He looked at me and winked. Cheeky bastard knew I was about to get grilled big time.

"So, Edward, how're things REALLY going with Bells?"

I scratched gently behind Fred's ears, enjoying the feather-soft fur under my fingers before looking at Jasper. "Good, I think."

He quirked an eyebrow at me, confused. "You think?"

"I don't know, Jasper. Things are better than I expected most times, but then something will happen and my Bella turns into a tiger or something."

"I'm lost, buddy."

"She gets pissed off at me easily and sometimes I don't know what I've done wrong."

He nodded. "It happens. How much do you understand about the type of head injury she had? Did anyone ever tell you that it can cause her to snap, lose her temper over the smallest things? She tries really hard to control it, but sometimes she can't. Just give her space if you see that it's starting up."

Exhaling loudly, I looked at Jasper and I'm sure he could feel my frustration. "It's hard."

"What is?"

"Giving her space. I feel the need to be with her all the time and I can't stop trying to look after her, protect her from everything."

"Trying to make up for lost time won't make it better. Although you haven't had a chance to see much of it, Bella is very much able to take care of herself. You should know better than anyone that she is a tough cookie who prides herself on taking care of things on her own. You also have to understand that losing her independence, having it stripped away from her, has made her a stubborn girl and she doesn't take kindly to being babied.

Jasper pulled his legs up and rested his chin on his knees. "You need to trust her, Edward. Let her tell you what she wants and needs. She knows better than anyone else."

"Hell, did you and my mom plan this out?" I took a swig of my beer. "We had this same conversation about a month ago."

He laughed. "I know what you're going through, though. Alice and I have had to sit back and watch a lot of shit over the years. It's hard watching her struggle, but she always comes out stronger in the end."

"Yeah, I'm going to try harder."

"Okay, next—will you tell me HONESTLY why you didn't come back from Alaska as soon as you sorted shit out?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and looked down at Fred while I tried to figure out how to word this. After a few moments, I started. "When you were a kid, did you ever do something bad and were too scared to admit it? Too terrified to own up to it because you were afraid your mama was going to whoop your ass?"

He nodded.

"That would be the easiest way to explain it, except that I knew it wasn't my ass that was going to get whooped, I knew my heart was going to break. I couldn't bear the thought of looking at the beautiful creature I had broken.

"She was the girl who not only owned my heart, but guarded my soul. Bella had always been my protector and the one time she needed me most, I ran."

Jasper took a swig of his beer and nodded again, urging me to continue.

"I don't know if Bella ever mentioned it, but I was bullied from the get-go. Kids love to torment the skinny, nervous redhead, and they did it mercilessly. Do you know who stood up for me? Bella did. Do you know who took the punches intended for me? Who kicked the shit out of the school bully when he smashed my guitar? Yup, that would be Bella.

"Bella talked me through panic-attacks, depression, and kept me sane. But where was I when she needed me? In _fucking_ Alaska.

"The good thing about being there, though, was that my cousins made it an Emma/Bella-free zone. No one mentioned them, and they never allowed me to wallow. I went into numb-preservation-denial mode, and I merely existed, which seemed better than the alternative."

"Which was?"

"Coming back and dealing with a deluge of memories and pain. Staying away was keeping the monsters at bay. Well," I chuckled grimly, "all but the ones that haunted my dreams."

"What made you decide to come back?"

"Emmett had called Tanya to say that Bella had left, had disappeared, and that Mom had lost her shit. The thought of my mom, the strongest woman in my world, falling apart, made me realize that I might be part of the reason. I left on the next flight."

Jasper took my empty bottle and got up. "Another one?"

"Please." I hadn't realized that I'd drained it so fast while I was speaking. Talking about this was both draining and cathartic. I really appreciated Jasper's quiet contemplative nature. While I was very aware that his allegiance was firmly planted with Bella, it was nice that he was listening without passing judgment or making derogatory comments.

"So, when you went home, shit hit the fan. I know a little about that and I'm not going to push you on it. I want to know, though, if you ever looked for Bella."

I took a long haul off my beer, burped quietly, and wondered how Jasper would react to what I was about to say.

"No."

He looked confused again. "No? Not once?"

_Emmett had spent weeks trying to track Bella down. I only found out about this after I was released from the psych ward and caught him trying to Google her. He asked me if I would use my super-sleuthing skills to help him, but I walked away._

"_You're a bastard, Edward! I can't believe you don't want to find her. Please, help me find her! Mom needs her."_

"_Em, she doesn't want to see us. I'm not getting involved in this. I'm sorry."_

"_You're just being a pussy, Edward, you're too afraid to man up and face her."_

_I shrugged. "Maybe. And maybe I'm just a bastard. You call 'em like you see 'em, Em, and you're usually right. Your younger brother is a bastard. I think this was determined last year."_

_Emmett stood up and towered over me. "You aren't just a bastard, Edward, you're a _heartless_ bastard. Don't you care that she could be out there alone, hurt, crying, maybe even dead?"_

"_Of course I fucking care, Emmett, but I have no right to search for her. I have no right to know where she is or how she is faring. I gave that up. Now leave me the fuck alone and stop looking for her."_

_I stormed off toward the stairs and I thought I heard him mutter, "Never."_

I shook my head. "She made it very clear when she severed ties with my family that she did not want to be found. I find it funny that she was so close, yet so far. Emmett had tried looking for her, but eventually gave up.

"I've realized, now that we've FINALLY talked about it, that he was the most hurt by her abrupt departure. They were very close. Poor fucker lost so damn much: his namesake niece who worshipped him, his brother, and his best friend. As much as they might both deny it, Bella and Em were best friends. She wrote dirty stories for him when he had mono to cheer him up. She was always the first person at his side when he was upset—on those rare occasions when he would let anyone see that side of him. Bella, then Emma, were the balm to soothe his soul. When everyone left, he was utterly alone."

Jasper shook his head sympathetically. "Poor guy."

"Yeah." It was so easy to feel bad for the big guy. He had never done anything to anyone and there he was, stuck in the middle of a huge clusterfuck of crap. Me, however, I'm not the sympathetic character in this sad tale—I understand that people struggle with feeling sorry for me, but I really don't deserve it.

We were both quiet for a moment, and I was thankful. I needed a break.

When Jasper spoke again, he grinned at me. "So, how's your ass?"

I laughed. "Sore."

"Want to get up?" He stood and held out his hands.

"Thanks."

As soon as I was up, he handed me a set of crutches. "I want you to keep your weight off it for a couple more hours." He tapped lightly on it. "It's hardening well. We might be able to take if off tonight."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Emmett shouted as he entered the room.

"How does he do that?" Jasper asked, chuckling.

"ESIC," I replied.

"ESIC?"

"Yeah, Extra-Sensory Inappropriate Commentary. He's got some sort of sick radar or something."

I hobbled toward the bathroom, but stopped before I got there. "Hey, Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"I never did find out what you and Alice are dressing up as."

He grinned. "We're kind of undressing up."

"What do you mean?"

"We're going as Adam and Eve."

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**So, yeah...kind of fluffy...some background...cock rings...the usual. *grin***

**The next chapter is going to be rough. I will let you know now that Katmom suggested a wussperv warning for it, so I don't feel so bad giving you some lighter fare to digest before I post it.**

**I'll be posting it on Friday, as usual, unless something comes up in the meantime.**

**Recs**

**_Atlas Shrugged_ by Jeesiechreesie  
_A Life Extraordinary_ by LolaShoes (sequel to the wonderful _Let Your Light Shine)_  
_Decoy_ by 107yearoldvirgin **

**OH YEAH! I keep forgetting to mention: if you leave a review you get a sneak peek at the next chapter!**


	28. Chapter 28

**WARNING: According to Katmom, this is a chapter requiring a _wussperv_ rating. Since I don't know any of the people who give _wusspervs_ I can't put a warning on in good faith. I will say this: you will likely need tissues, and the under-18s might want to avert their eyes.**

**This chapter deals with Emma's birthday...do I need to say any more?**

**As always, big thanks to Katmom and Minnakoda who wade through the torrents of tears and accumulating angst.**

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**

_**Bella**_

"Bella, dear, please come in!" My mentor met me with a smile and a warm hug as I walked into her office. "How's my favourite Grad Student?"

"I'm good, thanks."

Irina paused, held me back at arm's length, and frowned. "No, no, that will never do. Come, sit, and spill. Tea?"

I moved toward my usual chair, stripping off my coat as I walked. "Yes, tea would be great. What's today's selection? We've done several As and a couple of Bs; are we moving on to Cs?"

She clapped her hands together gleefully. "I have a special B one today. A dear old friend sent this to me; it's called _Blue Eyes_ and it's spectacular. I really think you'll enjoy it."

Reaching into my bag, I pulled out a notebook and some loose papers before I curled up in my chair. Irina brought over _my_ mug, one she found at a store that apparently screamed_ 'Bella'_ at her. I'm not sure what it was about it that screamed _Bella_ since it was bright yellow, had a picture of a duck and the name Missy on it written in a very fluid script. I have no idea how any of that relates to me, but I was touched by her gesture. It's nice to know that someone is thinking about me.

"What's going on, kiddo?"

"It's almost the 27th."

"Why yes, today is the 26th, so logically speaking, tomorrow would be the 27th." She looked me in the eye and her smile faltered. "OH! Gotcha. Want to talk about it?"

"No, I'd rather show you the assignment you gave me last time."

"That sounds lovely. Pass it over. While I'm reading it, I want you to write about your parents. Nothing elaborate; it's just because you haven't submitted anything about them yet."

"Okay." I handed her the pages, then opened my notebook and began writing.

_**Irina**_

I knew that asking Bella to read this particular assignment out loud would be pushing it, so I figured it would be safer to read it myself. Normally I wouldn't take no for an answer because reading something aloud can quite often be a great indicator of how things sound; errors are easier to pick out. However, seeing as this would be an emotional assignment so close to an emotional day, I thought I would cut her some slack.

_Emma Renee Cullen October 27, 2001-April 15, 2004_

_My little surprise came into the world surrounded by love and she left surrounded by twisted metal, shattered glass, and the broken bodies of her loving mother and grandparents._

_Edward and I were terrified that we would break this amazing little creature, but we didn't have to; a logging truck with faulty brakes did it before we had a chance to really and truly get to know her._

_What did I know about my daughter? I know that she was an amazing gift that brought our families even closer. I know without a doubt that there wasn't a day in her life when she didn't feel loved. I know as __a__ concrete fact that a part of me died with her._

_Emma was a bouncy little redhead whose smile hooked you from the get-go. No one ever had a hope in hell of not instantly loving our little angel. Her laugh was contagious and her cry would break your heart. _

_Music was one of her favourite things from the __very__ beginning. She loved to hear her father sing or play for her when she was tiny and when she could stand, she would dance. When her father or uncle would dance with her, she would throw her head back and laugh so hard—those wonderful big belly laughs that you wish you could bottle up and keep with you for the hard days. Then she'd beg to do it again, or she'd grab one of her many tutus or a princess gown and stumble around the music room alone if she couldn't find a partner._

_Edward and I debated long and hard about what to name her. What do you name a miracle? I wanted to name her Emma from the start because I wanted to name her after Emmett. Edward wanted to name her Lucy after a Beatles song. I liked the name Lucy, but I really wanted to name her after Em. He was my adopted big brother, biggest fan, and best friend be__sides__ Edward, not to mention I knew he would make an amazing uncle and treat our little gift with care and a lot of love._

_Emma adored, even idolized her Uncle Emmy. She loved to follow him around and mimic him, which was adorable until she started picking up his terminal potty mouth. It was cute, but totally inappropriate._

_My favourite moments with my baby girl were spent in the big wicker bowl chair in the sun porch at the Cullens' house. I used to breastfeed her there, nap with her there, share special mommy-daddy-baby moments __there__. She loved to curl up between me and Edward after we got home from school and chatter away until she fell asleep._

_I miss her. I miss her so much it hurts, and I know in my heart that she would be upset that I've been living with so much sadness, but I can't seem to say goodbye. I think my soul will remain tortured until the day I can just let her go._

Yup, I'm glad I read this to myself. I don't know how well poor Bella would have done. While it's not exactly what I asked for, it was a good step in the right direction.

Bella was still writing, pausing every now and then to chew on her pen.

"More hot water for your tea, dear? I'm afraid I put you to work and you didn't get much of a chance to drink it."

"Please," she said, holding out her mug.

"Would you like a digestive biscuit or a cookie with your tea?"

"The digestive biscuit sounds nice, thanks."

Bella put her pen back to the page and continued writing. I put her mug down on the table beside her and gave her a few more minutes to finish up her work.

"Okay, dear, can I read what you've got?"

Chewing on her pen again, she gave her page a quick glance, and then passed it along. The poor girl sat curled up in her chair almost as if she was holding herself together, sipping at her tea while I read.

"Excuse me, Irina?"

I looked up over the page. "Yes, dear?"

"This tea is wonderful."

"Then I'll be sure to send some home with you."

I went back to reading, as she fidgeted and sipped.

_Renee (Higginbotham) Swan_

_My mom was a free spirit with a big heart. How she ended up with my straight-laced father, I'll never know. Opposites do attract, and my parents are prime examples._

_Mom had been a kindergarten teacher until Emma was born. It was also around that time that she found out that she had an autoimmune disease. Most days, Mom suffered in silence, not wanting us to worry about her. We didn't know just how ill she was until she collapsed at school one day._

_As hard as it was for Mom to give up the job that she loved so much, there was a definite bright side to this situation; it afforded her more time with her beloved granddaughter. She and Esme took turns looking after Emma when I went back to school. On the days Esme had clients to deal with and Mom was feeling up to it, she gladly spent the day with Emma._

_They tell me I get my stubborn streak from my mother. Mom was incredibly stubborn and brave, not to mention creative. When Edward and I were little, Mom would take us on great adventures looking for dragons, diamonds, or leprechauns. Her imagination knew no bounds and I always loved that about her. I miss it._

_Charles Swan_

_What to say about Daddy? He was quiet, introspective, and smart, and he loved me with his entire being. I was a total daddy's girl and much like how Emma idolized Emmett, I followed my daddy everywhere. He would take me and Edward to the station with him, or take me fishing (Edward hated killing fish), or on walks in the woods._

_He never said much, so anything he would say would be important. That is, until Emma came along. She cracked him open like a nut and before we knew it, the emotionally closed off Chief Swan became the emotive Pop Pop. I would often catch him telling stories to Emma, singing to her, dancing with her—we called it the Pop Pop Shuffle. That little girl put the spark back in his eyes, and in those same eyes, she could do no wrong. _

_I don't think my dad had an easy childhood, but he made damn sure that I did. We weren't rich like the Cullens, but I never wanted for anything._

_I think the hardest thing to deal with__,__ besides survivor's remorse, is the fact that I never got to say goodbye. I'm hoping to do that soon and REALLY move on with my new life with my prodigal soul mate._

"Bella, dear, this is lovely. Well done in such a short period of time. It gave me a nice glimpse into where you came from. I think, from my limited knowledge, that you take after both of your parents; you have your mom's independence, and your father's quiet resolve.

"So, care to talk about tomorrow?"

I watched as she set down her mug, then wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them up under her chin. Her mouth formed a frown as her eyebrows knitted together. It wasn't long before she began worrying her bottom lip.

"Well, I don't know. I don't want to spend the day alone in bed crying like I usually do, so I'm going to focus on that."

"Will Edward be coming over?"

She nodded. "I think so."

"If for some reason he doesn't, you can always call me. Okay, for next time, I want you to say goodbye."

"Come again?"

"I want you to write out what you would say if you had a chance to say goodbye to Emma, Renee, and Charlie."

She scrunched up her eyes and stared at me. "Why does this feel more like therapy than homework?"

"Because it kind of is. A memoir is the best form of therapy. You're putting it out there, and once it's out, you can move on."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Ah, my sceptical student. One day you will realize that your teacher is wise beyond measure."

She finally cracked a smile. "Oh, I know, I'm just making you work for it."

I laughed at her as I stood up. "That's my cheeky girl. Come here and give me a hug. You're doing great, kiddo." I held onto her tiny frame and kissed the top of her head. "Remember I'm just a phone call away."

"Thanks, Irina."

I released her and watched as she put her belongings into her bag. She flashed me a quick smile as she passed me a small baggie of dry tea in my hand as I left.

When the door shut, I said a little prayer that she'd make it through tomorrow in one piece.

_**Bella**_

I woke up the morning of October 27th and felt my chest beginning to seize up. No, no, no, no, I'm NOT letting this happen. I reached for my phone, scrolled down to Edward's address. As much as it killed me to ask for help, I needed him today.

_Help. Drowning. Can you come over?_

A minute later a message beeped in.

_On my way._

I replied immediately. _Thank you._

I should have let him stay over. He had asked last night, but I thought I could do it, I thought I was strong enough this year to handle it on my own.

It wasn't ten minutes later that Edward rushed into my room, looking exhausted, dishevelled, and distraught. "Bella!" he barely choked out when he saw me.

He fell onto my bed and we clung to each other. We both cried for a while before falling asleep; I don't think either one of us had slept much the night before. I woke a couple of hours later, fully resigned that I was in no shape for school, and snuggled back into Edward. He sighed sadly into my neck and I felt myself falling over the edge again. I was hurting so bad, felt so utterly broken, that I needed to numb it before it killed me. When I reached for my pills, I remembered that I'd tossed them.

FUCK!

Edward stirred against me. His leg, which was nestled between my thighs, rubbed against me and I groaned. That felt good; so much better than the sadness tearing at my heart, the anxiety making my head spin. I knew it was wrong, but I needed to feel something other than pain, and Edward was the only person who could take it away, at least for a little while.

I began rubbing myself against him, and kissed him. His eyes shot open and stared at me, dazed. "B...Bella, what...?"

Hot tears streamed down my face as I spoke. "Please, Edward, I need this. It hurts too bad; take the pain away, please!" I started pulling at his shirt.

"I don't know..." he hesitated.

The anger burst forth before I could even attempt to try to rein it back in. I was screaming at him. "QUIT COCKBLOCKING ME, CULLEN! FUCK ME SO I FORGET! If you love me at all, you'll do this!" I was screaming at him now as I gave up on his shirt and moved to undo his pants.

His hand moved down to still mine. "Bella, baby, stop. I'll make love to you, but I don't think..."

"Stop thinking! Please! Just give me this. I can't deal...it hurts, baby. Make it go away. Please. Why won't you help me?"

He sat up and pulled my face to his. He kissed me softly at first, but increased the intensity at an even pace, calming me down somewhat.

What must he be thinking? He's kissing a hysterical, screaming, and crying train wreck.

My thoughts began to scramble as his hands moved up into my hair. All I could focus on was his fingers as they massaged my scalp. I moaned into his mouth, and I think it spurred him on, because he flipped me over and had me on my back in two seconds flat.

"I'm not cockblocking you, baby," he panted as he fumbled with my cheeky shorts. Taking my hand in his, he placed it on his cock, which throbbed through the fabric of his pants. "I want nothing more than to fuck you senseless," he hand moved back to yank my shorts off, then slowly move back up my thigh, "but today, I think we need to feel less fucked and more loved."

Okay, if anyone else had said that, I'd be apt to laugh hysterically, but coming from Edward, it was the most sincere, sweet thing he could have said.

His long fingers tapped out a melody as he worked his way up my trembling thighs. He was going to do this slowly, lovingly, and it was going to drive me nuts. At least it would...

"Oh GOD!" His fingers began twittering my twattle and all rational thought flew out the window. I focused on the feel of him touching, caressing, stroking me, and then his mouth was tasting me. Hot breath wrapped me in a cocoon, and I felt my breathing increasing, my heart racing, and the tightness in my abdomen winding even tighter until the moment his tongue dipped just inside and I screamed out.

"Mother of God!"

I quaked, cursed, and tried to pull Edward's face away from me. I was entirely too sensitive and it was bordering on uncomfortable. "Please, too much."

"You want me to stop?" he mumbled into me, bringing on another rush of sensation.

"God, Edward! Too...fuck...!"

Edward looked up and smiled until he saw my face. "God, baby, are you okay?"

"Mm-hm, just...oh God, move up here."

He crawled slowly up my body, which was making things worse. I couldn't help the groans that came out of my mouth. Every touch was overwhelming me.

"Um, is that good or bad noise, Bella?"

I was crying again. "I don't know! I don't know! It wasn't like this with the toys."

He looked at me quizzically. "With the toys?"

"I...I...open the box in the bottom drawer." I pointed toward my bureau. I needed to come down, my nerves were firing off in overtime, and I needed to centre myself before we could continue.

Edward got up, walked over, and opened the drawer. "This box?"

"Mm-hm, bring it out, please." I panted. This would buy more time, and if it didn't freak him out, it could end up being a lot of fun.

He came back to the bed and set down the box. Alice had decorated it; it was sparkly and said _Bella's Pleasure Chest_ on the top. I groaned. How embarrassing.

Edward laughed as he moved to sit down. I stopped him. "Clothes off. Now."

Smiling, he obliged as I opened the box. Hmm, where to start?

"So, uh, these gizmos and gadgets were my friends while I was, er, practicing celibacy."

I watched as his eyes grew huge. "Wow, were you THAT lonely?" He picked up various items and I explained their use/purpose. We taste-tested some of the more exotic lubricants in my collection and laughed at the faces we were making. When he came across the bottle of bacon-flavoured lube, he gagged.

"Bacon-flavoured lube, Bella? I know you love bacon, because, well, who doesn't, but do you really want your lady bits smelling like breakfast? Would it be better giving head to me if my cock tasted like pig?"

"Ew, Edward. It was a gag joke from Alice. She knows my love of bacon, and when she came across this, she had to get it for me. She also managed to find bacon-flavoured lip-gloss. I tried it once, but it was extremely distracting."

This little transition period was helping me calm my body down, and after a while, I was feeling less prickly and overwhelmed.

He picked up my Rabbit. "Speaking of distracting, what's this?"

"That's a Rabbit. The tip vibrates, the beads in the shaft rotate, and the bunny ears at the base, well, flagellate for her pleasure."

He turned it over in his hands, before looking at me. "WAS it pleasurable?"

I shrugged. Not nearly as good as having Edward, that's for sure.

"Show me?" he asked, sheepishly.

Could I do this? "Hand me three C batteries, please."

He obliged and watched, fascinated, as I inserted the batteries. I had to chuckle at his innocence when it came to things like this.

"So, uh, why don't you sit at the end of the bed?"

"Okay." He kissed me before crawling down to the end of the bed, where he leaned back against the footboard.

God, was I really going to do to this? "Wait! Can you lock the door? I don't want Alice or Jasper bursting in while I'm jacking the rabbit."

I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to do. It's just a sex toy, and it's just Edward. I could do this.

As soon as he was seated, I turned on the unit, just the tip first, and watched as Edward's eyes grew huge as I lowered it. "Ready?"

_**Edward**_

I was born ready! My cock was so hard watching her running the loudly buzzing piece of equipment up and down her lips, then dipping it in just a touch. Her breath came out in small pants, her lips open, and begging to be kissed.

Her eyes remained locked on mine the whole time, even when she reached down to turn on the other features. I watched as she manipulated herself with the impersonal device, and was amazed that she didn't get off right away. All I had to do was give her a quick lick and she was screaming my name.

"Touch yourself," she grunted.

"What?"

"Jerk off. Pump your meat, whatever. I need a visual."

I had no problem grabbing my cock, stroking it in time with her movements. It wasn't long after that she cried out, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as she shook.

"Fuck, Edward, stop," she eventually said.

"Why?"

"Let me do it."

She crawled over to me on shaky limbs and took me in her mouth.

"Bella!" I cried out. "Fuck!"

She worked me to the point of explosion, then suddenly removed her warm wet mouth from me. Before I could even begin to protest, she hoisted herself up and lowered herself down onto me. We both groaned loudly as we connected so deeply. Bella kissed me, slowly, intimately as she began to move. I wasn't sure how long it would last; between her sex toy demonstration and the fact that we hadn't had sex in a couple of weeks, I was already on the verge of coming.

Bella cried out as she allowed her head to fall back, pushing her breasts closer to me. I gently nipped down on one, and she screamed out, squeezing my dick as she came again.

I couldn't hold back any longer as I let go and came. My cock pulsed as it exploded. Bella flopped forward and rested on me, panting, but all too soon, her short breaths turned to gut-wrenching sobs.

"Shh, love," I cooed, rubbing her back.

I reached for a blanket and covered us up. I didn't talk as Bella cried on me, and if I wasn't trying to be strong for her, I'd probably be crying with her.

To be honest, I felt awful. Bella and I had just spent the last hour having sex, using sex toys, and fucking away the pain. I tried to make it as loving as possible, but I don't think I achieved my objective.

When her sobs abated, I asked if she wanted to take a bath. She nodded weakly, so I gently eased out of her, and left her on the bed so I could run a tub of warm water. When the bath was ready, I carried her into the bathroom, setting her down by the toilet. I left her to pee while I grabbed towels.

Once we were in the tub, Bella began to cry again. I held her and let her grieve, trying hard not to fall apart myself.

"I want the pain to go away, Edward. It's bad enough she's gone, but does it have to hurt so bad?"

"Is it better this year?" I asked, "or is it worse because I'm here and the past few months have left you so raw?"

"It's not as bad as it was before, I don't think. Maybe having you here makes it easier, but harder. I don't know. Other years I was drugged up so badly that I couldn't feel much of anything. I knew I was sad, I just couldn't BE sad. Does that make sense?"

"I'd like to think that next year will be easier because this is the first time we've both faced this head-on, without pills. It's like a headache after the Tylenol wears off; it's worse for a bit, but then it gets better in time.

"I think we're doing okay, love."

"I'm sorry I forced you to...you know."

I ran my hands up her arms to rest them on her breasts, giving them a light squeeze. "You didn't force me into anything. I was an active participant." I kissed her neck, then her shoulder.

"Yeah, but it's kind of fucked up that we did THAT today; almost seems disrespectful."

"A little unorthodox, yes, but whatever it takes to get through the day, I guess. However, I think it'd be a lot healthier if we found non-sexual diversions for dealing with this. It's just prolonging the agony of dealing with it."

She sighed. "I know."

"Emmett wants you to come for a celebratory dinner tonight. He started this tradition a couple of years ago. We always have a little birthday dinner for her."

Bella looked back and smiled. "I'd love to."

_**Emmett**_

Edward sent me an e-mail earlier that totally made my day. I was terrified of how Baby Girl would react to me wanting to have a birthday party for Emma, so you can imagine my relief when he let me know that she was up for it.

I know this day is hard for them, but it's hard for me too. I'd started the party thing three years ago and it made me feel better to celebrate instead of wallow, and I knew that Angstward and Bella would be doing exactly that. It didn't make the pain go away completely, but it helped to be happy for a while.

Edward was reluctant the first year I'd suggested it, but we ended up having a great night. The next year went well until he got too drunk and ended up crying all night. Last year was a little quieter, but just as important. Mom and Dad joined us and it was nice having them around.

This year, well, I wasn't sure how it would all pan out. Would Bella be receptive? Would she spazz out? Should I just forget it?

"Mr. Cullen?" I felt a small finger tapping on my arm.

"Yes, Lori?"

"Are you sad today?"

I looked at the curly-haired girl and smiled. "I'm okay, kiddo."

"Oh, well, my sister Amber and me thought you were sad, so we made this for you and EVERYONE signed it. If you aren't sad, well…"

I took the paper from her hand and couldn't help but smile. If I knew it wouldn't scare the crap out of them, I'd probably be bawling my eyes out like a chump from a Nicholas Sparks novel. It was a drawing of me, surrounded by all the kids in my class. Everyone had written their names above their pictures in crooked and sometimes backwards letters. At the top, they had printed SMIL with a smiley face.

I patted Lori on the head and smiled at the kids. "Actually, I WAS kind of sad until you gave me this AWESOME picture. Thanks, guys. I have the BEST class in the whole school. Is it okay with you guys if I put it up on the wall so I can always look at it?"

A chorus of yeses came back from the group of beaming kids seated at their desks. Amanda raised her hand.

"Yes, Amanda?"

"Why are you sad, Mr. Cullen? Did someone say something mean to you?"

"No."

Malena was next. "Did someone kick you?"

I laughed. "No, kiddo. No one kicked me."

Ainslie popped her hand up and waved it around frantically. "I know, your mom grounded you!"

Again, I laughed. The little girls in my class were so sweet. The boys were keeping quiet through all of this, except for Daniel, who was next. "Did your dog die, Mr. Cullen?"

Do I tell them? Hmm. "Well, no, Daniel, my dog didn't die because I don't have a dog. But someone very special did, and today would have been her birthday. I've been thinking about her a lot and missing her today."

"Who was it, Mr. Cullen?" Noah asked.

"Come over to the story mat, and I'll tell you about her."

I hoped I wasn't overstepping anything here. Carmen looked over and gave me the thumbs up.

Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out my wallet and retrieved the photo of Emma that I always kept with me. I passed it around to the kids. "This is Emma Cullen. She was my niece. She's only two years old in this picture, but today she would have been seven years old. How many of you are seven?"

Most of their hands went up, as I knew they would. "Emma would probably be in this class."

Leanne raised her hand. "What happened, Mr. Cullen?"

"She was in an accident."

Mackenzie wiped his nose on his sleeve, then raised his hand. "And that makes you sad?"

"Yes, I miss her."

"Her hair is pretty." Allie added.

"Do her mommy and daddy miss her?" Kathie piped up.

"Yes. So, because we miss her, we are going to have a birthday party tonight so we can be happy again for a while. We'll think about the fun times, the silly times, the happy days."

A barrage of questions and comments flew at me from all sides.

"Will there be cake?"

"Can we have some?"

"How can you have a party if she's not there?"

"I like cake!"

"Will there be hats?"

"You won't have clowns will you?"

"Clowns scare me!"

"Will there be presents?"

"Can we make cards?"

"WAIT! Who said that?" I said, looking into the crowd of kids. "Who asked if you could make cards?"

Amy waved. "Me, Mr. Cullen."

I stood up. "Would you like to do that instead of regular spelling today? I can give the cards to Emma's mommy and daddy. I think it would make them smile."

The kids cheered as they scrambled toward their desks, where they worked away on the cards, pausing only to ask me to write some of the harder words on the board for them.

After school, as I was collecting the cards from their desks, Carmen approached me and gave me a hug. "That was sweet. Those kids adore you."

I smiled as I looked down at the crudely drawn birthday cards and tried to hold back the stupid tears that were trying to force their way out. "They're good kids, Carmen."

"You're a great teacher, Emmett."

"I just hope it wasn't too much for them to handle. I hope I don't start getting hate mail from angry parents. Death is a touchy subject."

"Yes, but you focused more on celebrating life; you didn't go into detail. I don't think you overstepped your boundaries at all."

"I hope not. Thanks, Carmen. This day is always hard." I sighed and let my shoulders sag.

She patted my back. "I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thanks."

"Um, Mr. Cullen? Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Jaden buddy, what's up?"

Carmen smiled as she left the room, leaving me with a nervous-looking little guy.

"Mr. Cullen, I, um, I want to tell you that it's okay to be sad some days. My, um, baby brother died when I was five. We were really sad for a long time. He was three, but he wasn't in an accident, he got sick and they couldn't fix him. I cried a lot, my mom cried a lot, and my dad...well, he just got angry a lot.

"Anyway, a lady came to talk to us and she said that being sad is normal, but it's not good to be like that all the time. Then she said that we are here for a reason, and sometimes when we've done the job we have to do, Jesus calls us back to his house and gives us wings and halos."

He looked down at his shoes before looking back up at me from under his long dark eyelashes. "I don't know what my job is yet, but I'll figure it out and then I'll get to go play with Casey again."

Jaden placed a small hand on one of my big ones and sighed. "I don't like it when you look sad, Mr. Cullen. It makes me sad. If it's okay with you, I'm going to do what my mom does when I'm sad." He leaned up on tiptoes and kissed my cheek. "There, Mr. Cullen. Does that feel better?"

A tear fell from my eye. Jaden wiped it away. "I guess it didn't work. I'm sorry."

"Thanks, little buddy. You did a great job. I feel a lot better." I smiled at him, hoping he'd see that I wasn't sad. "I also think I figured out what your job might be. I think you're here to make people happy."

A huge smile lit up his little face. "Thanks, Mr. Cullen!" He started walking back out toward the door. "Oh, hey, do you think Emma and Casey are friends in Heaven?"

I smiled back at him. "Sure do, buddy. I bet they're the best of friends."

"Cool." He waved as he ran out into the hallway.

I gathered up the cards, wiped down the whiteboard and packed up my shit to go home. I had a couple of things to pick up beforehand. Emma's favourite food was pizza, so I picked up a couple on the way home, as well as the cake I had ordered. You can't very well have a party without cake, can you?

Thankfully, Bella and Edward weren't home yet, so I had time to put out the cards and get everything ready. I hoped that they wouldn't mind that I'd invited Rose; she was going to be a part of this family and I wanted to include her as much as possible.

Bella and Edward arrived looking like shit. I nodded at my brother and pulled Bella into a huge hug. "How you holding up, Baby Girl?"

She nodded against my chest and I tightened my hold on her.

Edward was thumbing through the pile of cards my kids had made, looking puzzled. "Em? What is all of this?"

Releasing my hold on Bella, I moved toward the table. "Seems I have some very intuitive and compassionate kids in my class. They noticed that I was looking a bit down today, and when I told them why, they wanted to make cards so we wouldn't be so sad."

Bella was looking at them and laughing through her tears. They were kind of funny, what with the misspelled words, and the bizarre drawings.

"Who is Casey?" she asked.

"That's Jaden's baby brother. He died a couple of years ago."

"Jaden has drawn a picture of Emma and Casey holding hands on a cloud. They both have what look to be halos and wings. Oh God, this is just too sweet."

Rose arrived pulling in a cluster of purple helium balloons as we were going through the cards. She released them to float up in the ceiling, then hugged everyone solemnly.

"What's with the balloons, babe?"

A blush crept up her fair cheeks as she tried to hide under her hair. "I thought it might be nice to release balloons in her honour this year. I hope you don't mind."

Bella smiled. "I think it's a great idea. Thanks, Rosie."

My stomach chose that moment to declare its unhappiness regarding its empty state. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving and the pizza's getting cold. Let's eat."

The four of us sat around and talked about regular shit, laughed a lot, and really, it was pretty relaxing. I had worried that Bella would be a lot messier with the tears and the snotting, but I was pleased at how well she was hanging in there. My Baby Girl is a tough cookie.

Even when I brought out the cake, and when we sang _Happy Birthday_, everyone held it together. It wasn't until we went outside to release the balloons that things got rough.

Rose looked at us and spoke before releasing hers. "I didn't know Emma, but I do see that she was well-loved. Happy Birthday, Emma."

I went next, fighting the lump in my throat. "Baby Em, I miss you every day. I love you, and be a good girl for The Big Guy. Tell Casey that Jaden says hi." I very slowly let the string slide through my hand until it slipped away, and up into the sky.

Bella cleared her throat. "My sweet, baby girl, you're always in my heart. I miss you, I love you, and thank you for sending Daddy and Uncle Emmy to find me. I know it was you, so thank you, baby."

I reached for Bella after she released her balloon, and she smiled before wrapping her arms around my waist.

Edward was quiet for a few minutes, watching the others floating higher and further away in the dying twilight. "Emma, Daddy loves you so much and never stops missing you. Thank you for finding Mama for me, my sweet angel girl."

We all stood there and held each other as we watched as the purple specks in the sky became smaller and smaller.

Bella spoke first. "Thank you, Em and Rose. That didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, and I actually feel a lot better.

"I think that we should call your parents and make sure they're okay. They're probably feeling pretty down today too."

Even on the hardest day of the year, Bella is still thinking about others. She's amazing.

* * *

**Did you survive? I will admit it was a strange chapter. People deal with grief in different ways.**

**Halloween party is NEXT!**

**If things go as planned, next week will be a double posting week. I'll likely post on Wednesday and then on Friday. You can thank Katmom for that.**

**Again, reviews get you a sneak peek, but most of you know that already since you're so awesome.**

**My rec this time is:**

**_Instant HEA_ by 107yearoldvirgin (snarky brilliance)**

**I want to dedicate the non-smutty parts of this chapter to MY Charlie Swan-my quiet and reluctant hero-my dad, who passed away four years ago April 11th. **

**I didn't get to say goodbye either.**

**I miss you, daddy.**


	29. Chapter 29

**So, yeah...last chapter was a little...yeah...I'm starting to feel really bad about making so many of you cry. I hope you understand that the angst isn't being used gratuitously. **

**This chapter won't be like that. It's Halloween! Let's party.**

**Katmom and Minnakoda...thanks for putting up with the angst through this story and just for being so awesome.**

**

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

I turned in the mirror and admired my reflection. I looked HOT. Hello, gorgeous, where did you come from? What's that sound? Oh yeah, that's me tooting my own horn.

Alice knocked at the bathroom door. "Bells! Let me in for final inspection."

"Come in, but I hope you're wearing a fire retardant suit, because baby, this bitch is on FIRE!"

The door opened and Alice screamed. "OH. MAH. GAWD! Who are you and what have you done with Bella?" She ran over and turned me so I was facing the mirror. Her tiny hands moved up the tight pleather bodice of the naughty nurse uniform. "Holy shit, Swan, I'd fuck you in that! Where did those tits come from?"

I laughed as I watched her inspecting my costume.

"Man, your ass is BEGGING to be spanked."

"So spank it!" I said, popping my little butt out toward her.

Alice pulled back and I heard the crack before the pain registered. "Ouch! You hit me!"

I looked at her squinty eyes in the mirror and she smiled evilly at me. "You loved it."

A blush crept up on my cheeks. "Maybe."

She busied herself with making sure my hair was perfect. She and Rose had pulled it back into a very severe bun, and affixed a nurse's cap to my head.

"Edward is going to bust a nut tonight," Rose said, whistling as she entered the room.

The three of use stood staring into the mirror smiling. Rosie was an ethereal beauty in her Artemis costume. Her gown draped and hung like traditional Greek goddess fare, and her long blonde hair hung from underneath a wreath of fresh ivy in loose ringlets, framing her pale face. Tall, strappy, Greek-inspired sandals rounded out her costume.

Alice, well, Alice's costume was a marvel of modern science. How she was keeping those leaves on her body I don't know. There were small leaves covering her nipples and a series of other bigger leaves covering her _garden of earthly delights_ and _back garden entrance_ as she had so eloquently put it.

The boys had yet to see us, and I couldn't wait to see their reactions. "Ready, ladies?"

They nodded to me.

"Okay bitch goddess Artemis and my sinful little Eve, prepare yourselves for contact."

"Yes, Nurse Swan," they chimed in as we linked arms and made our way out to our men.

When we exited my room and entered the living room, we found them leaning up against the fireplace, and the looks on their faces were priceless. It was a good couple of minutes before anyone could make a sound, let alone a coherent one.

Jasper spoke first. "Eve, I might need to spirit you off and sin a little—or a lot." He walked over to her wearing nothing but two very strategically placed leaves and a lustful grin. "How many deadly sins can we commit before our guests arrive?"

Alice giggled before kissing him. "Oh, Adam."

Emmett, dressed head-to-toe in very tight leather under a huge, floor-length leather duster stalked over to Rosie. Unfortunately he walked into the coffee table, knocking the wig off his head as he stumbled. "Damn contact lenses! I don't know how anyone can wear these things. I can't see a fucking thing!"

"Oh, Acheron, let me soothe you, like the hot bitchgoddess that I am," Rose purred at him. "Mm…I want you in leather all the time, baby."

I made a move to get away from them because watching their make-out session was making me feel a little queasy. Edward's eyes tracked my every move and I had to laugh. He looked like shit, all made up with fake bruises, stitches, open wounds, a Johnny shirt, and the huge cast on his leg was very realistic. I figured I'd make my way over to him since he was incapacitated.

Edward's eyes trailed from my feet, up my fish-netted legs, over the form-fitting short dress until his eyes landed on my heaving bosom. His mouth opened and I'm pretty sure he drooled a little. He made a motion for me to turn around, and when I did, I heard something pop. Turning around, I had to laugh—Edward's cast had popped off and he was covering the huge tent in his Johnny shirt with his hands.

Stepping closer, I bent over to pick up the cast, making sure to stick my bursting bust line in his face. "Do you need the nurse to help you with your, er, problem? It looks painful."

Before I could react, he grabbed my hand and dragged me into my room where he pushed me up against the wall. "God, Bella, you have no idea…"

I palmed his cock and purred in his ear. "I have a very big idea…in my hand. Let Nurse Swan take care of this before you scare our guests."

Alice pounded on the door and Edward and I both shouted at her to screw off at the same time. I was going to take care of Edward's problem and that was that. There was no need for him to be walking around with a raging hard on. Someone could lose an eye, or get a black eye if I caught them eyeing his package. It was MINE.

We got a group stink-eye when we emerged from my room a few minutes later. "What?" I said, wiping the corner of my mouth. There wasn't really anything there; I just knew it would get a rise out of them.

Emmett gagged. "I think I'm going to hurl."

"Oh, come on, Acheron, you're tougher than that. But be careful that I don't slip you some Sprite tonight." I teased as I led Edward back to his discarded cast. I strapped him back in and gave him a kiss. He smacked my ass playfully and I yelped.

"I like Naughty Nurse Bella an awful lot. This outfit brings out the sex kitten in you," he whispered as he continued to grope my ass.

"Keep this up and you'll be needing a cast for more than your leg. I have things to do before everyone gets here."

A knock at the front door and a series of screams startled us. Emmett came screeching around the corner and dove behind the love seat.

"What the...?" I said, before screeching myself. "Oh HELLS NO! Not in my house."

Edward, meanwhile, was laughing so hard that he was doubled over. "This is RICH! Oh my God!"

"No, no, no! Seriously, Alice, do something with THAT!" I waved my finger at the offending creature. "Who is it anyway?"

Alice approached the confused-looking guest standing in the doorway. "Come on. I guess we should have specified that this is a clown-free zone."

Emmett was still whimpering behind the love seat while Rose tried to talk to him, and Edward was still laughing his ass off. I smacked him in the arm and scowled at him.

"I'm sorry, love, I totally forgot about your irrational fear of clowns."

"It's NOT irrational!" I stomped my foot down on the ground, just barely missing his. "There's something intrinsically evil about a person who hides under two tons of makeup and has to paint their emotions on their faces. There is nothing entertaining about clowns unless you're a masochist."

"The only good clown is a dead one," Emmett piped up from his hiding place. "Is it gone?"

"Yeah, Em, Alice went to take care of it," I replied, sighing. "I need a stiff drink after that."

"Who was the asshat under the red nose anyway?" Emmett poked his head up and I had to laugh: big, bad Acheron was looking pretty ghetto with his wig sitting askew on his head, and one of his contacts had slid and he looked cockeyed.

Edward spoke up. "Take two guesses who the asshat was."

Adam walked sheepishly from Alice's room, his face and the front of his hair all wet, and he was now wearing a Tarzan loincloth. "Sorry, guys. I waited until the last minute and couldn't find a costume. My girlfriend's brother had the clown suit, so I borrowed it."

"Girlfriend?" We all chorused.

He blushed. "Yeah, her name is Bree. She'll be here later; I hope you don't mind that I invited her."

I rushed over and hugged him. "No, that's great, Adam! Congrats! I can't wait to meet her. Wait, she won't be dressed as a clown, will she? I don't think Emmett could handle it."

Adam froze under my hug and his eyes were huge when I pulled away. I followed his gaze to Edward, who was looking at him while brandishing a metal crutch.

"Don't let him get to you, Adam," I whispered before grabbing his hand. "Come try some of our "Bloody Good Punch" as Alice calls it, and tell me all about Bree. I can't wait to meet her."

I shot Edward a dirty look over my shoulder as we walked toward the dining room. I poured us each a glass of Alice's concoction and led him to a couple of seats away from the others.

"So, when did this happen?"

He relaxed a little and smiled. "It's actually a pretty funny story. I met her the day after your birthday party. She and some friends came into the store to get stuff for a bachelorette party and one of them was wearing the most God-awful perfume. I started puking the second I smelled it.

"Turns out that Bree is a nurse, so she instantly ran to my rescue. After I explained that the perfume was making me ill, she sent her friends away and I helped her pick out what she needed when I was feeling better. We started talking and she ended up staying for my whole shift. She insisted that I needed food in my stomach, so we went for dinner that night and we've been kind of a thing ever since."

I slapped his arm playfully. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You haven't been around to the store, and I know that Crankyboy over there would have a fit if he knew I called you. I figured Alice or Jasper would have said something."

"I'm happy for you, Adam."

He laughed. "You're just happy that I'm not chasing you anymore."

I raised my glass. "To new love!"

He grinned as he knocked glasses with me. "To old love made new!"

"So, how're things at the store?" I asked after taking a sip. "Do you miss me?"

"Well, yes, I miss you, but I find that I've been so busy that I don't have time to think of much. I've been trying to do more around the store; I think Jasper's school workload is getting to him. He'd never complain about it, but I would hate for him to fall behind because of inventory or something. I really don't mind doing it. Oh, and Alfie says hi. He misses you a lot. It took a while for him to really warm up to me."

"Now," he sighed, "if we could get Gawky McStarington over there to warm up to me, I'd feel a lot better."

What the…? "EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN, mind your own business!"

He shrugged his shoulders in feigned innocence and deference. "Who me? I'm just admiring the scenery."

Making sure no one else was looking, I uncrossed my legs à la Sharon Stone, gave him a quick beaver shot, then recrossed them. His eyes grew huge.

"Um, Bella, you're not making this any easier on me if you just did what I thought you did."

"Don't worry about him, Adam. I'll take care of him. Now, you be sure to introduce me to Bree as soon as she gets here, okay?"

He smiled, then nodded. "I really hope you like her. She's wonderful."

I hugged him then walked over to Edward, who was going to end up looking like his costume in real life if he didn't smarten the hell up. I glared at him as I approached.

"You can't lay off him for ten minutes, can you?"

The annoyance on his face shifted to shame. "Sorry, I can't seem to let it go."

I huffed, frustrated. "He has a girlfriend, Edward. There's no fear that he's going to try to get into my pants. Chill out. Please. It's not as if I would do anything with him anyway. You're my one and only patient."

My eyes flashed to his lips before I gave him a searing kiss. When I moved away to take a breath, I moved down to his neck and bit down before sucking on his flesh for a moment. He groaned, fisting his hands in my dress. I could feel him hardening against me and I released him. It wasn't fair to do that to him—the poor guy would really bust a nut before the night was over at this rate.

"There, I've marked you as mine. Does that make you feel any better?"

He brushed against me. "No, I'm feeling rather frustrated at the moment."

"Deal with it. You kind of deserve it for your behavior. Now, I see other guests have arrived and I need to be hospitable and look after them. Please don't shoot daggers at Adam all night, okay?"

"Okay," he said, pouting.

I kissed his nose. "Love you."

"Love you more."

_**Edward**_

I hobbled to Bella's room to see if I couldn't do something about the throbbing problem in my boxers. I sat on the bed and tried to think about something other than Bella and her mouth and the things she did with it. Crap, not working. Think about…Jasper's leaves falling down; Emmett in a Speedo…okay, that worked.

When I re-emerged from the bedroom, it seemed as if the population of the house had tripled. There were zombies, vampires, nuns, Playboy bunnies, pirates, hookers, and a banana. Yeah, I know…who dresses up as a banana? But then I spotted Ben off to the side, looking a little lonely. I hobbled over to him and checked out his costume.

"Who are you supposed to be?"

Ben tugged on the neck of his rainbow-striped wool sweater, then pushed his glasses up his nose. "Angela's got this thing for this British character named Daniel Gale. He's kind of geeky, awkward, and nervous, and I guess the ladies love him to bits. I have no idea why Angela would be attracted to him, he's nothing like me."

"Oh my God! Daniel Gale!" Alice and Bella screeched as they ran across the room toward us. Bella shoved a camera at me. "Take our picture!"

I snapped a few with the girls doing all kinds of weird things to poor Ben. When they got tired of molesting his rainbow sweater and licking his glasses, they ran off in a fit of giggles.

Poor Ben was a disheveled mess, and I had to laugh at the utterly bizarre thing I had just witnessed. I grabbed a couple of beers from the ice chest on the floor and handed one to him. "Here's to Daniel Gale, I guess."

We sat on the couch and chatted. I liked Ben. He was a little beige in the personality department, but he wasn't mind-numbing. We discussed school and whatnot until we were both buzzing pretty good and our talk turned to play-by-play party commentary and making up conversations between the guests. Tyler showed up after closing the store and joined us. Dude was funny as hell! Drunken mental note to self: hang out with Tyler more often.

The girls would drift our way every now and then, but then disappear into the crowd. There were a lot more people here this time and I had to wonder if Bella was really okay with this or putting on a brave face.

"Edwaaaaaaaard!" she slurred, dragging some poor girl in a cowgirl costume toward me. "Stand up and meet Bree. This is Adam's girlfriend."

I had to rub my eyes because Bree and Bella looked like they could be sisters, or at the very least, cousins. Bella pulled me to my feet and I wobbled a bit as I stood. I extended a hand to her and she took it shyly. "Hi, Bree, it's nice to meet you."

"You too."

There was an awkward silence until Emmett's voice boomed over a microphone. "Time for karaoke, bitches! Who's first?"

Alice screamed and ran over to him. "WE ARE! Bella! Rose! Angela! Posse up, girls!"

Bella grinned slyly at me before excusing herself to go up with the girls. I stared after her in awe. Bella was really coming out of her shell. I'm sure the punch was fuelling this, but still, over-confident Bella in a tight-as-hell nurse's outfit was HOT.

The girls were all giggling and laughing, and I wondered what they were up to. My guess was that they'd do _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_ but I was wrong—oh Lord, was I wrong.

The TV screen lit up and I think every heterosexual man in the room, and probably a few women, gasped. The opening bars of _Dontcha_ by Pussycat Dolls played and I think I blew my load right then and there. Our girls were flying their freak flags and booty popping and grinding like old pros. I grabbed a pillow to cover the tent I was pitching, and I noticed that Ben pulled his sweater down. Emmett was whooping and whistling, while poor Jasper dashed behind the breakfast bar because there was no way that leaf was going to conceal his sin stick.

You could smell the pheromones in the air as the girls sang and danced. It was so intense that it was almost overwhelming. I prayed that the song would end before I went caveman and dragged my woman to her bedroom.

When they finished, everyone went crazy. Bella made her way back over to me and smiled shyly. "How bad was it?"

I grabbed her hand and showed her how bad I was hurting. "That was seriously the hottest thing I've ever seen. Will you do a repeat performance for me sometime?" I grazed her earlobe with my teeth and she groaned as she nodded.

Emmett came over and told me that it was our turn. "Time for revenge, dude."

There was NO way that we could do anything nearly as erotic as the girls had. Tyler thought that we should respect the fact that we paled in comparison in the sexy department and we should just go for the cheese factor.

Jasper spoke up. "_I Wanna Sex You Up_."

We paused, thought about it and agreed.

"Okay, boys, Color Me Badd on three. Get your hands in here. Alright, one, two, three…"

"COLOR ME BADD!" we cheered.

Jasper cued up the song as the girls gathered around. As soon as we started, Alice squealed.

"That's our song, baby!"

Jasper winked at her as he adjusted his leaf.

_**Bella**_

The boys serenaded us with an amazing, and surprisingly well-choreographed version of _I Wanna Sex You Up_. Alice was giddy because that was Jasper's ringtone for her, and she saw it as a cryptic message just for her.

We all pretended to swoon and we screamed like silly fangirls while our boys shuffled, gyrated, thrust, and slid. Who knew that Ben had so much rhythm? I certainly didn't.

Bree and Adam were dancing beside me, laughing at the spectacle before us. They really looked happy together and I couldn't have been more pleased. She was super sweet, and there was something really familiar about her; she kind of looked like me, only taller.

When the boys finished, they left the mic open for anyone else who wanted to sing. Various people at the party performed typical karaoke classics, like _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_, _Daydream Believer_, _Wild Thing _(both the original and Tone Loc versions). Emmett got up and sang _I'm Too Sexy_ by Right Said Fred, Alice did an incredibly well-rehearsed version of *nsync's _Bye Bye Bye_ and garnered a huge round of applause.

I was deep in conversation with some classmates when I heard Edward's voice. "Um, excuse me? I'd like to sing something for my Bella. Baby, come here, please?"

I excused myself and stumbled to the front of the room where Jasper was setting up one of the dining room chairs. Edward held his hand out to me and I took it, following him to the chair where he urged me to sit.

"Keep your legs crossed, love, I don't want anyone else seeing what's MINE," he growled into my ear before biting my neck. The feel of his teeth on me sent sparks down into Cooterville. If he kept this up, Cooterville would either go up in flames or be drowned in a flood.

The music started and an all-points bulletin to evacuate due to severe flooding conditions was issued. Edward was singing _Sexual Healing_, and the little man in my canoe was singing _Row Row Row Your Boat_ as he rode out the crest of yet another wave. My eyes were threatening to roll into the back of my head as he serenaded me with that velvet sex voice of his.

_Ooh, now let's get down tonight__  
__Baby I'm hot just like an oven__  
__I need some lovin'__  
__And baby, I can't hold it much longer__  
_

_It's getting stronger and stronger_

Edward moved close to me and ran his hands gently through my hair, before bending down to sing in my ear. My legs were shaking, and my skin was on fire.

_And when I get that feeling__  
__I want Sexual Healing__  
__Sexual Healing, oh baby__  
__Makes me feel so fine__  
__Helps to relieve my mind__  
__Sexual Healing baby, is good for me_

It was at this point that he whipped off the cumbersome cast on his leg and began circling my seat like a predator. A very sexy predator. His free hand roamed my body and I was sure I was going to combust.

_Sexual Healing is something that's good for me__  
__Whenever blue tear drops are falling__  
__And my emotional stability is leaving me__  
__There is something I can do__  
__I can get on the telephone and call you up baby, and__  
__Honey I know you'll be there to relieve me__  
__The love you give to me will free me__  
__If you don't know the things you're dealing__  
__I can tell you, darling, that it's Sexual Healing__  
__Get up, Get up, Get up, Get up, let's make love tonight__  
__Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, 'cos you do it right__  
__Baby I got sick this morning__  
__A sea was storming inside of me__  
__Baby I think I'm capsizing__  
__The waves are rising and rising__  
__And when I get that feeling__  
__I want Sexual Healing__  
__Sexual Healing is good for me__  
__Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush__  
__Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us__  
__Sexual Healing, baby, is good for me__  
__Sexual Healing is something that's good for me__  
__And it's good for me and it's good to me…__  
_

I couldn't hold it in, and before he could finish the song, I jumped up from my seat and jumped him. He dropped the mic and held me up as I kissed him.

"You. Me. Bedroom. NOW!" I growled in his ear.

"Um, Bella? There are people…"

"Fuck 'em," I panted.

I felt his lopsided grin against my face. "I thought you wanted me to fuck you?"

"Now is not the time for this. Let's go!"

The crowd clapped and cheered as Edward carried me off to my room where he threw me on the bed and grinned evilly at me.

I pulled at my dress, but he stilled me. "Keep it on. This is going to be quick."

"Hurry! Cooterville is in trouble!" I panted as I pulled him toward me.

"Cooterville?"

"Don't ask. I'm drunk. Please…"

Edward ripped off his Johnny shirt, pulled down his boxers and plunged deep in one thrust. We both yelled, not caring if anyone heard us because everyone knew what we were doing anyway.

He rode me hard and thankfully I didn't come right away. The booze probably slowed my reaction time down, and I was fully able to be an equal rider. I met his every thrust and when I could hold on no longer, I bit him hard as I cried out.

He echoed my cry a couple of thrusts later, and lay on top of me while he twitched inside of me.

When we could both string together a coherent sentence, I kissed him and thanked him.

Edward chuckled as he eased out of me and pulled my dress back down.

"I realize this is probably overstepping my boundaries and setting the women's rights struggle back a few years, but would you mind terribly if I asked you to put on some underpants? You're getting pretty drunk and I'd hate for you to flash your goodies to your unsuspecting guests."

I laughed as I sat up. "Yes, I'll put on some underpants, IF, you'll put on some boxer briefs under your boxers so no one will lose an eye the next time you get excited."

"As you wish," he said, bowing.

"Did I tell you how utterly sexy you were when you were singing?"

He grinned. "I think I may have noticed."

I smacked his perfect ass as I walked to the bathroom to pee. Too much punch and rough sex equals a serious need to pee, not to mention it screams UTI. The last thing I need right now is a urinary tract infection.

When I finished in the bathroom, I dug out a lacy thong and dangled it in Edward's face. "Are these good enough?"

He groaned and rubbed his eyes. "If I had my way, you'd be wearing granny pant…"

"Don't say it!"

"Panties."

"Alice is really rubbing off on me when it comes to that word," I mumbled as I shimmied the thong up my legs, then searched for the straps to my garter belt to re-hook my thigh-high fishnets.

"Allow me."

"I didn't even realize that they had detached," I said, giggling.

We did a final inspection and I realized that my hair had come out of its bun, so I shook it out and decided to just leave it down.

"Shall we?" he asked, offering me his arm.

I kissed his cheek. "Ready for the walk of shame?"

When we exited my room, all eyes turned to us, and Edward shouted, "I'M HEALED!"

Everyone lost it. The music started up again and the party forged onward.

Edward grabbed some drinks for us, while I snagged a spot on the couch, so we could just sit back and watch the action. Much like at my birthday party, my hand was never without a drink, and I had no idea where they were all coming from.

The crowd began to thin out as the night turned to morning. I drank myself into a stupor, only really realizing it when I stood up to go to the bathroom. The room spun once, everything blurred out of focus, and I felt my legs give out and watched helplessly as the coffee table got closer and closer to my face.

Big hands grabbed me before I made contact. "My heroooo…" I felt myself slur, as my head flopped back. My body suddenly felt boneless, and I couldn't seem to move at all.

"Baby Girl, I think you've had enough for tonight. Why don't we put you to bed?"

I don't know if I managed an answer or not. I don't remember anything after that. It's a huge blank.

_**Edward**_

I knew Bella was drunk, but I had no idea just how utterly gone she was until she tried to stand up. She mumbled something about needing to pee, she stood up and her legs gave out immediately, like she was boneless or something. Thank God Emmett was there to catch her, otherwise she'd have gone down face-first into the coffee table. He picked her up and said he was going to take her to bed. I got up and heard her mumble something about _my hero_, then watched her go limp.

We carried her to her bedroom and set her down on the bed. When Emmett left, I started to pull off her costume so I could put her in her pyjamas. Alice staggered in to see if I needed help, and somehow, between the two of us, we managed to strip and redress her. Bella groaned every now and then, but remained limp and bendy, which was helpful.

I decided to forgo the rest of the party and go to bed with Bella, but first I needed to take a shower. I rolled her over on her side and went to her bathroom, where I took a quick, five-minute shower.

The sight that greeted me on my returned sobered me up immediately and will haunt me for the rest of my life.

There was a guy dressed as a vampire on top of Bella, kissing her, groping her. I ran over and tackled him, not even thinking that we were on Bella. I punched him in the face and he reached up to grab my hair.

"EMMETT!" I screamed, hoping someone would hear me. Bella let out a cry beneath us, and as I looked to see if she was okay, I felt a blow to my eye and my vision clouded for a moment. He hit me again, this time in the nose, and I felt it pop.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON…" Emmett came into the room and pulled me off Bella's assailant. Jasper ran over and grabbed him, restraining him. Bella began to cough, so I ran over to her.

"Bella, love, are you okay?"

"Sick," she groaned.

Rose, Alice, and Angela ran in and helped get Bella to the bathroom while we stared down the douchebag who…God…I can't even think about it. Rage built up in me until I saw red and lunged at him, knocking him and Jasper over.

My fists made contact with his face several times and I would have continued, but he brought his knee up and caught me in the nuts. Excruciating hot pain coursed through me as I fell over. He scrambled up and kicked me a couple of times; how many, I'm not sure, because I wasn't conscious for long. One swift kick to the head and everything went black.

* * *

**Please don't hate me.**

**I'm begging you.**

**Because I love you, and because Katmom and Minnakoda insisted, I will be updating again on Friday.**

**So, before everything went down the tubes, what did you think of the party?**

**Recs this time are one-shots from the AwkWard contest:**

**One Cup of Chunky Peanut Butter** by **jennlynnfs  
****Two Left Feet** by **Drawde.C  
**

**and the Black Balloon Contest (these will make you cry):  
**

** From Within These Walls » by ericastwilight  
37 Weeks by ManderBetis  
**

******I'll see you Friday. Again, please don't hate me.**


	30. Chapter 30

**This picks up where the last one so rudely ended.**

**Eternal gratitude to Katmom and Minnakoda.**

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_**Emmett**_

Edward went apeshit and I'd be lying if I said that I tried to stop him. Who the hell was this vamp douche? I didn't recognize him at all; he must have been one of their school friends. Regardless, he had no right to hop in bed with Bella.

I rushed in to help Edward when I saw him take a shot in the nuts, but I was too late—dude kicked him in the head and sent my brother to the floor where he stayed, unconscious and bleeding. Jasper was trying to get at the guy, but he was still kind of dazed after getting tackled.

Adam charged in and threw the guy against the wall, pinning him there until Tyler joined him. I yelled for Ben to call 911 while the guys subdued the thrashing asshole. I knelt by Edward and checked his pulse, which was strong, thank God. Poor kid was a mess; his nose was probably broken, he was going to have a huge black eye, and his mouth was bleeding.

Bree rushed over. "Emmett is it? I'm a nurse. Do you mind if I look at him? Can you get these guys out of here and grab me something to clean him up?"

I nodded and ordered everyone out of the room, then went into the bathroom to get towels and a first aid kit, and that's when I spotted the girls. Bella was curled up on the floor in Alice's lap, shaking, while Rose sat beside them, looking nervously at Bella.

"Is she okay?"

Alice looked up and shook her head. "She's been sick, she's bleeding from a cut near her eye, and she's got teeth marks on her neck. What's going on out there?"

"Edward's hurt pretty bad. Bree's looking him over. I need to get these towels out there. Is there a first aid kit?"

"Under the sink. Can you throw in a blanket? She won't stop shivering."

"Sure."

I grabbed a blanket off the rumpled bed and tossed it into the bathroom, then ran back over to Edward. "Here, Bree. Is he okay?"

"Can you help me? I want to roll him onto his back, but I need to stabilize his neck."

Adam joined me, and we rolled Edward onto his back. He groaned and his eyes fluttered a bit, but then he fell silent again.

"Emmett, can you please hold this to his nose?" She handed me a towel. "Adam, can you please hold this to his cheek?" She passed him a gauze pad so he could cover yet another cut I hadn't noticed.

Bree leaned over and listened to his chest, pushed on his ribs, and frowned. "His ribs are likely broken. Try not to move him; we don't want to puncture a lung."

She opened his eyes and looked closely, then opened his lips and ran a chunk of gauze through his mouth. It came out bloody. "Edward? Edward? Can you hear me?" Making a fist, she rubbed her knuckles on his sternum. "Come on, Edward, open those beautiful green eyes for me."

I heard a commotion in the living room and assumed it was the cops. Hopefully the ambulance was here too; Edward wasn't looking very good. He needed to wake up, he was freaking me out. I took one of his swollen hands in mine and leaned in to his ear. "Come on, little brother, don't let your first fight be your last. Wake the fuck up. Squeeze my hand and wake the fuck up. Bella needs you."

His eyes fluttered and he croaked, "Bella?"

"There you are! You dumb shit, you scared me," I whispered.

"Is…is…Bella…" Edward coughed and spit up some blood. I wiped it up and looked at Bree.

"It's probably run-off from his nose. The EMTs are here, they'll look after him. Don't worry, Emmett."

"Bella!" he groaned.

"Bella's okay. Calm down. The ambulance is here. You need to go to the hospital."

"No, need Bella," he said softly.

I stood up and moved out of the way when the EMTs knelt down to assess my brother. I went to the bathroom to check on Bella.

"Em, I think she's got alcohol poisoning," Alice said, nervously. "She won't stop throwing up."

"She's probably in shock. We'll get them to take her to the hospital with Edward."

I bent down and picked up Bella, who was trembling and dry-heaving, and carried her out to the bedroom. The EMTs were strapping Edward to a backboard, and he wouldn't stop calling for Bella. At the sound of his voice, she cried weakly for him.

"Sh, Baby Girl, Edward's going to be okay. We're going to take you both to the hospital and everything is going to be fine."

One of the EMTs approached me and asked me to set her down on the bed so he could take a look at her.

"Has she been drinking?"

"Yes, sir. She was pretty drunk."

Bella shivered on the bed as she continued to hiccup and retch. The EMT checked her vitals and asked if I could carry her out to a police car; he said there wasn't room in the ambulance for both of them.

They took Edward out first, and asked us to follow. The police were cuffing the unknown vampire and interrogating guests at the party. The problem was that only Edward, Bella, and her assailant knew what happened.

Fucker was lucky the cops got to him first.

_**Bella**_

"Bella? Can you open your eyes for me?"

Who the hell is that?

I felt someone knuckling my chest. "Ouch, stop."

Was that my voice? Man, I sound like shit. I am SO never drinking again.

"Bella? Come on, open your eyes."

"No."

Someone laughed. "Emmy?"

"Yeah, Baby Girl, I'm here. Open your eyes, would you?"

"No. It's too bright and my head hurts. Can you just get me an aspirin or something?"

"Bella? It's important that you open your eyes."

"Who's that, Emmy? I don't know that voice."

"It's a doctor, Baby Girl. You're in the hospital."

WHAT? I tried to sit up, but hands held me down. I didn't like being held down, it freaked me out. I opened my eyes and screamed.

Emmett moved into my line of sight and he looked worried. "Sh, calm down, Bella."

I was beyond panicked. "Why am I here? Where's Edward? How did I get here? Where's Edward? Why can't I see out of my left eye? Why do I have an IV? Where's Edward?"

Emmett moved toward me. "Why are you dressed in leather, Emmett?"

"Doc, can I have a second with her? I can calm her down."

Emmett climbed onto the bed and held me. "Sh, kiddo, everything is okay, but you need to calm down."

I tried to slow my breathing and pace it with the gentle strokes Em was rubbing on my back.

"What happened, Emmy?"

"Do you remember anything?"

"Booze. Karaoke. Booze. _Sexual Healing_…wait…where's Edward? Why won't you tell me where he is?" My breathing picked up again as my mind tried to piece together the events of last night, but after a certain point in the night, there was nothing. Where was Edward?

"If that bastard ran because I'm messed up again, I'll kill him, and seriously, Emmett, what the hell happened to my eye?"

The doctor stepped forward. "You really have no recollection of the events preceding your admission to the hospital?"

"No. What the hell happened and where is Edward? Why won't you tell me where he is?"

"Miss Swan, it seems someone may have drugged your drink last night and that's why your recollection is so spotty. There was an altercation last night."

My stomach dropped. "Emmett?" I held onto him tighter. "What's he talking about?"

"Some asshat spiked your drink, and when we put you to bed, he tried to…"

"WHAT? He didn't…Oh my God, he didn't rape me did he?" I felt my chest beginning to seize up. No, no, no, no…

"Sh, Bella, no, he didn't rape you. Edward had been taking a shower when he snuck into your room. When he came out and saw the guy trying to kiss you, he tackled him. They struggled on the bed and that's how you ended up with the shiner and the cut on your cheek."

I reached up and gingerly touched my swollen eye. "Crap. But you still haven't answered my question. Where is Edward? Is he okay?"

"Edward put a beating into the asshole, but ended up getting the shit kicked out of him in the process."

"Oh my God! I need to see him. Where is he?" I struggled to get up, but Emmett tightened his hold on me.

"They're keeping him sedated in another room. He was highly agitated, and they needed to run some tests and get him patched up."

"Tests?"

"He took a pretty hard kick to the head, so they did a CT scan and some x-rays."

"And?"

"He's got a concussion, a couple of broken ribs, his nose is broken, his has some stitches, and his hand is sprained."

"Oh my God!" I started to cry and Emmett squeezed me tighter still.

"It's going to be okay. He's fine. He'll have some bad ass scars and an interesting story to tell about his first fight. Who knew he had it in him? You were always the fighter in that relationship."

"It's my fault," I said, sobbing. I knew I should stop crying, because my head felt like it was going to explode and things were getting a bit fuzzy.

"How is it your fault?" Emmett asked quietly as he pushed my hair away from my face. "You didn't drug your drink, did you?"

I shook my head, but regretted it immediately. "My head hurts."

The doctor too my wrist and checked my pulse, then checked my eyes, and listened to my chest while Emmett continued to hold me.

"Does anything hurt?" the doctor asked.

"My head and my face."

"Miss Swan, you're still dehydrated and are probably feeling pretty hung-over. We'd like to keep you a while longer for observation. I'll get the nurse to give you something to help with the headache, and something to help calm you down. You should rest. You have a slight concussion and with your previous head injury, we need to be extra vigilant in case you have another seizure. In fact, I'm going to recommend that you start taking a mild anticonvulsant for the next while."

My heart stuttered in my chest. "I…I had a seizure?"

"Yeah, kiddo. Luckily you were already here when it happened, although I think you might have had a couple of small ones at the house." Emmett kissed the top of my head.

"I need to see Edward."

"Why don't you rest first?"

"NO! I won't rest until I can see him. I need to know that he's okay."

Emmett chuckled. "She won't, doc. She's stubborn."

The doctor sighed. "No walking."

"No worries, I'll carry her."

"No, I'll get a wheelchair. Just a quick visit and then you come back to rest."

"Whatever. I need to see him. Let's go."

Emmett and the doctor settled me in a wheelchair and attached my IV pole, before Em pushed me to the end of the hall. "He's in here, and although he looks pretty bad, he's okay."

Pretty bad was an understatement. Poor Edward's face was swollen, purple, bloody, and his hand was bandaged. How would he play piano now? I also noticed a bandage wrapped around his chest, which was mostly covered by a blanket. Just looking at him made me cry again. I grabbed his good hand and kissed it. "Oh, Edward."

"Bella?" he rasped.

I jumped up from the wheelchair and tripped over his bedside table, landing on the edge of the bed. Edward winced and let out a hiss. "Baby, I'm here. Are you okay?"

He tried to smile, but it came out more as a grimace at first, but then it slowly morphed into MY smile. "I'm…better now. Are you okay?" He lifted his hand to my face and gently touched my swollen eye. "How did this happen?"

"I don't know. I don't remember what happened."

"Does it hurt?"

I shook my head and kissed the palm of his hand. "Not as much as the hangover. I feel like I drank an entire distillery last night." I yawned loudly, then smiled at him again.

"Lie down, love, rest."

"That sounds like a good idea." I snuggled into him as gently as I could and the sound of his shallow breathing and his heart beating lulled me to sleep.

_**Edward**_

"Em, what happened to her eye and her cheek?" I whispered to my brother as soon as Bella fell asleep. She was hurting my ribs, but I didn't want to move her, I didn't want her to ever leave my side again.

"She must have taken a hit when you guys were wrestling on the bed. She'll be okay; her eye will, anyway."

I looked at my brother and watched him avert his gaze.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Stay calm, little brother."

I could feel my blood pressure rising, then Bella stirred beside me and I tried to settle down. "What the hell happened?"

"She wasn't just drunk, Edward. He drugged her."

My heart stuttered at Emmet's stunning news. "HE DRUGGED HER? Who the hell is he anyway? I've never seen him before."

Emmett sat in the wheelchair and stared at the ceiling as he rolled back and forth. "He just showed up, I guess. No one seems to know who he is. The cops arrested him and they're going to need to get a statement from you. Bella won't be much use; she doesn't remember anything, so it's you, me, and the boys. Man, you guys flattened poor Jazzy. I don't think he saw it coming."

"He's okay, right?" I would feel like shit if I had hurt Jasper.

"Yeah, he just got a nasty bump on the head and had the wind knocked out of him."

I ran my hand through Bella's tangled hair. "So, she's really okay?"

Emmett stood up and turned away from us for a moment. When he turned back, his face was stony. "She had a seizure."

"WHAT?!"

Bella mumbled something into my chest as she shifted.

"They ran some initial tests on her, and they said that she looked okay and as far as they could see at this point, it could have been the drugs or the booze or the concussion that caused it. They're keeping her here until tomorrow to keep an eye on her, see if she has any more. They're also putting her on some drug to help. She'll be okay, Edward. Don't cry."

"I'm not crying, asshole, my eye is running," I snapped. Truth was, that I WAS crying, but he didn't need to know that.

When I looked over at him, he was crying. "Bella was heaving and twitching; you were unconscious and bleeding on the floor; that guy…that ASSHOLE, was laughing and trying to fight off Tyler and Adam; the girls were all crying…I didn't know what to do. If it wasn't for Bree…"

I reached my hand over to his. "Thanks, Em. I think we're all going to live."

He squeezed it tightly, before letting go to wipe his tears. "I should probably call Mom and Dad."

"Why?"

"Because they're probably frantic?" He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck.

"You didn't call them, did you?"

He shrugged. "It was probably better they found out from me than from one of Dad's colleagues or in the paper."

I groaned, and instantly regretted it as pain shot up from my ribs. "They're probably half-way here by now. What time is it?"

"It's almost noon, and why didn't you call us back to tell us he was awake?" Mom said as she barged into the room, Dad close behind her. She took one look at me and wailed. "Oh my God, my baby boy! Your beautiful face!"

Mom fluttered around me, muttering to herself as she assessed the damage.

"How's Bella?" Dad asked.

"Trying to sleep," she mumbled into my armpit. "Edward, you're sweaty."

Mom and Dad laughed.

"Not funny," she continued, "I dreamt I was trapped in a gym locker and," she opened her good eye and saw my mom. "Esme?"

Mom cupped Bella's cheek in her hand. "Sorry we woke you, sweetie."

"We?"

"Hi, Bella," Dad said, stepping into Bella's line of sight.

_**Bella**_

I couldn't believe my eyes, er, rather, my eye. "CARLISLE? Oh my God! Carlisle! Is that really you?"

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Yes, sweetie, it's me. How are you doing?"

"I'm better than my knight in shining armour here. I'm so happy to see you; I just wish it were under better..."

He looked at me and frowned a little. "Under better what?"

My mind drew a blank. "I don't know. What was I talking about?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Esme's smile faltered, Carlisle put on his doctor face, Edward looked scared, and Emmett stood up and moved closer. Crap. This can't be good.

Carlisle moved closer and I knew I was in trouble. "Bella?" he asked in his best Doctor Cullen voice, "do you know what day it is?"

I closed my eye and thought for a minute. What day was it? Shit. I opened my eye and gasped as I felt a flood of panic spreading throughout me. "NO! No, no, no! Fuck!"

Edward held me and whispered, "Sh, baby, just take a second and pull your thoughts together. Everything is okay."

I looked at him and whispered. "Edward, I don't know what day it is."

"Breathe, Bella, think it through. You need to calm down or they'll sedate you."

"But, Edward, I can't remember," I whispered. "My brain is broken again."

"Bella?" Carlisle spoke again. "Do you know what year it is?"

"2009?"

"Yes, very good. You know who WE are, right?"

I nodded.

"Can you tell me?"

I nodded at Edward. "He's my hero."

They all laughed.

I pointed at Esme. "That's Esme, my angel. You're Carlisle, the hottest doctor in Forks, and don't deny it. That guy is Emmett, my big teddy bear. I know who you are, but I don't..." my head went fuzzy and I was suddenly exhausted. "I want to sleep."

My head felt so heavy that I couldn't hold it up any longer. I rested it on Edward's chest and allowed my eye to close. A nap sounded perfect.

I felt Carlisle put his hand on my cheek and I heard him ask me to please stay awake for a little longer. I tried, but it wasn't working. Edward and Emmett kept pinching me, that made me giggle groggily. I tried waving them off. "I'm fiiiiine, I'm just...you know..." I couldn't find the word, and I was too tired to care anymore. I knew something was wrong, I just...whatever.

Emmett goosed my butt. "Gassy? Are you gassy? I bet it's gas."

"No, I'm...damn it...what word?"

I stopped trying, and I heard Carlisle excusing himself for a moment and Esme was...what was she doing? Damn it, stupid black...holes?

"Bella?"

"Mm?"

"Wake up."

I slapped at the noise. "Up."

"No, you fell asleep. Are you sure you're okay?" Edward looked down at me, but I couldn't place the emotion on his face. Worry? Probably.

"Happens. Ask Leatherman. He's seen this yesterday year."

"What?"

I looked at Edward and he looked...confused?

"You know...before, with the stuff."

I heard voices come into the place where we were and when I looked at who it was, I made a noise. "Carlisle! When did you...here? I missed you! Long time!"

I didn't like the way he was looking at me. "Am I bad? Did I do trouble?"

_**Edward**_

Bella was making absolutely no sense at all. She had gone from being coherent and cheerful to being agitated and incomprehensible.

"Dad? What's happening?"

"Everyone, this is Dr. King and he's the neurologist on staff. Bella, do you remember Dr. King?"

Bella looked blank; she was staring off into space.

"Bella?" Dad snapped his fingers in front of her face a couple of times before she snapped out of it.

"Oh, hi, Dr. King."

"Hi, Bella. I heard you had some trouble last night. How do you feel?"

"Tired. Sore. Sleepy."

Dr. King smiled at her. "You can take a nap soon, sweetie. Would you like to come with Dr. Cullen and me for a few minutes?"

I couldn't help but scream when Bella latched onto me and squeezed my broken ribs. Unfortunately, it caused her to start screaming.

"OH NO! Broke him! NO!"

"I...I...I'm...o...o...okay, Bella. Just ease up a b..b..it." I stuttered through the pain as I tried to get her to release her hold on me.

She kept screaming. "NO! STOP IT! MAKE IT STOP!" She tried to get up from the bed, but Emmett caught her and tried to restrain her.

"Easy, Baby Girl, I gotcha, you're okay."

Bella stopped screaming and spoke in a quiet voice, so quiet I barely heard her, but when I did, my heart broke. "Emmy, it's happening again. Make it stop. I don't want him to leave."

"Who?"

Bella pointed at me, her face stricken with fear.

There was a strained and painful moment of silence after that statement. Bella was terrified I was going to leave.

"Em, bring her over. I'd come to you, but..."

Emmett set her on the bed and I pulled her into my arms even though I thought I might pass out from the pain. "Bella, love, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when the doctor is done with you, I promise. I'd go with you, but I can't get out of bed."

"Please don't. I'll be good. It happens," she sobbed into my chest.

"Sh, sweetie, calm down. I love you, Bella. Always. Now please go with Dad and Dr. King. The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back to me, okay?"

"Mm...mm..."

"Remember, Bella, I love you."

"Love you," she mumbled.

"Dad, she's falling asleep."

Emmett picked her up and carried her out of the room, my Dad following behind with the IV pole.

Mom and I stared at them as they left. "She'll be okay, Edward."

I had nothing to say. What words existed that would adequately describe what I was feeling? There weren't any.

"Are you in pain, sweetheart?"

I nodded. I WAS in pain. A whole shitload of pain. Every breath I took sent shooting, stabbing pain through my chest, my head was throbbing, my nose ached, and my heart—it was beginning to break.

Mom pushed a button by my bed and asked for a nurse to come in. Bree walked in and smiled. "Edward! How're you feeling?"

"Mom, this is Bree, she's dating a friend of Bella's."

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. I was at the party last night and was able to put my education to good use." She winked at me.

My mom walked over and hugged her. "Thank you, Bree. Thanks for looking after my kids."

"I'm sorry it happened in the first place, but I'm glad I could help." She grabbed my chart and turned back to me. "Are you hurting? It's been a while since you've had something for the pain."

"Yeah, I am. I don't want to be too out of it when Bella comes back, though."

Bree sighed and sat on the edge of my bed. "Edward, Bella won't be back for a while. They're running some tests in neurology, and they'll likely keep her up there for observation. It'll be a while before anyone can see her. Why not take this time and get some rest and let your body try to heal a bit?"

"What's wrong with her?" I felt the tears coming back. Bree took my hand in hers.

"I don't know all the details, but she had a previous head injury before, yes?"

Mom answered for me. "She was in a car accident five years ago and suffered a traumatic closed head injury."

Bree nodded knowingly. "Sometimes a jolt to an already compromised brain can mess things up a bit. I didn't think she'd been hit that hard."

"She was drugged, Bree. The douche bag drugged her. I guess she had a seizure, too."

"Don't cry, cupcake. I'm sure she just needs some rest and she'll be okay. They just want to be sure it's not something else. Now, why don't I get you something for the pain. Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

"I'm thirsty."

"Okay, I'll be right back. Don't beat up any vampires while I'm gone, okay?"

I nodded. "Thanks, Bree."

"Anytime. I'll be right back."

I broke down and cried like a baby when she left the room. Mom ran her fingers through my hair. "Sh, sweetie, it'll be okay. Try to relax."

"Mom, I can't lose her again."

"You won't." She leaned down and kissed my head. "You need to be strong now for both of you. Can you do that?"

"I have to."

Bree came back with some juice, a jug of ice water, and a bulging pocket. "Here, cupcake, have a drink."

I took the juice and drained it while she set down the jug, then rummaged around in her pocket, pulling out a syringe and a small bottle.

Shit, I HATE needles. "Can't I just take a pill? Please?"

"I think that at this point, the injection would be better. It would have been easier if you had an IV, but since you don't, we'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Can you roll onto your side?"

"Not in my ass!"

"Sorry, sweetcheeks. Mama C, can you lend a hand?"

"Of course."

Mom and Bree helped me roll onto my good side, which still killed me, and she stuck me. Everything went fuzzy before I could even complain.

_**Emmett**_

Bella slept peacefully after enduring several tests and examinations. Whatever happened messed her brain up again. Every time she dozed off, she awoke more disoriented, unable to formulate coherent sentences. It was like watching her recovery process from years ago going in reverse and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless.

Rosie, Alice, and Jasper were now camped out at the hospital, taking turns so someone was always with Bella or Edward. Thankfully, they had thought to grab some clothes for me so I could change out of my gamey, blood-spattered leathers. They also brought clothes for Edward and Bella.

Edward would likely be released when he woke up and after they re-checked his ribs, and hopefully he'd be sticking around at the hospital instead of taking off. I know, I know, I shouldn't be thinking like that, but his track record was far from stellar when it came to shit like this and I prayed that he'd redeem himself this time by not leaving.

Dad was trying to reassure everyone that everything would be okay, but it was an epic fail when he mentioned they'd put Bella in a drug-induced coma. If it were me, I'd have told them that she had been sedated so she could rest her brain. I think they'd have reacted better to that than the word COMA.

He confided in me that they really had no concrete explanation for Bella's current state, and I know it was driving him nuts. As a doctor, he prided himself on being able to figure this shit out; as a father-figure, he was scared shitless.

I was too. It was hard because I'd seen Bella in worse shape and this was like some shitty acid flashback. I hated seeing her like this again. And it was hard as hell when she realized what was happening and she couldn't explain herself. When she'd wake up every now and then she'd cry and mumble something about Edward leaving because she was broken. Those weren't her exact word, not by a long shot, but it was close enough.

I was dozing in a chair in Bella's room when my dad came to see me. "Emmett?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Your brother is asking for you."

I jumped up. "He's awake again? How is he?"

Dad's shoulders slumped. "He's confused and upset. Can you go sit with him? Tell him about Bella? I think it would be easier coming from you, seeing as how I made the girls cry when I told them."

"Where's Mom?"

"In the chapel, praying."

"Okay, I'll be back."

I walked down to Edward's room. He was trying to sit up.

"Whoa, easy, buddy. Hold on, okay? Let me help."

"I need to see her," he croaked. His throat sounded dry and raw. I poured him a glass of water.

"Here, drink this. Lean back and I'll put your bed up higher; it'll make it easier to get up."

Edward guzzled the water, then tried to lie down again. I got him situated in the bed so he was somewhat comfortable, then helped move him so he was sitting on the edge. He was white as a ghost and sweating profusely, and I wished there was something I could do to help him.

Bree walked in. "Hi, Emmett. Hi, Edward."

"Hey, Bree. Little brother here is being stubborn."

Edward was getting paler by the second, and he was breathing in staccato pants and hisses. "Breathe through it, Edward."

"Hurts...when I...breathe."

"Oh."

Bree stepped over to his other side. "I can give you something for the pain."

His eyes shot open, panicked. "No more butt shots!"

She laughed. "No, no, I'll give you a pill this time. There's no need for you being to be in so much pain, it'll take the edge off."

"I need to see Bella."

"You can. Let's get you dressed, first. The girls brought some clothes for you."

Bree and I managed to get him dressed and into a wheelchair. His legs shook on the foot rests of the chair the whole trip to the neurology ward. He was sweating like a pig and his colour still wasn't very good.

I reached down and put my hand on his shoulder. "You okay, buddy?"

He nodded as he squeezed my hand.

"She's okay, Edward, she's just sleeping."

_**Edward**_

Just sleeping.

That's what they said before.

My mind was racing with images of a comatose Bella flashing through my head. The onslaught of visuals was causing my breathing to become erratic, and thus excruciating. I felt light-headed and afraid.

Bella's room was full of people. Alice, Rose, Jasper, Mom, and Dad were all crammed in there like sardines.

Dad cleared his throat and suggested that they give us some time alone. Emmett wheeled me over to the bed and I breathed a painful sigh of relief when I saw that she looked okay. She really did look like she was sleeping comfortably; taking a nap, even. There was no invasive breathing tube, just a cannula for her nose, and an IV in her left hand. The beep beep of a heart monitor didn't taint the air, and she really just looked like she was taking a snooze.

I took her right hand in mine and kissed her palm. "Bella, love, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you, and I'm staying."

Her hand jerked lightly in mine and I smiled. "I felt that. I know you're still in there. Just rest and let your brain heal. I promise I'm not leaving your side."

Dad stood beside me, resting his hand on my shoulder. "Hm...look at that, son."

I looked and Bella had a small smile on her face and she looked more relaxed.

"They haven't put her under very far; she can likely hear us."

I rubbed circles on her hand and looked up at my dad. "She did before."

"What do you mean?"

"She heard some of what was going on after the accident, Dad. Bella heard me say goodbye." I put my head down on the bed and held her hand to my face. "I'm not leaving, Bella. I'll be here when you wake up."

My father cleared his throat. "The police still need to speak with you, Son. Can you do that before you settle in here? If you're going to press charges, you need to do it now or they'll have to release him."

I nodded. "Let's do it. I don't want to leave her for long."

"Okay, I'll go get them. I'll be right back."

Bella twitched again and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, love, I guess I lied. I need to talk to the police before the scumbag rat bastard who did this doesn't get away with it. Will you be okay? I won't be long and I'll get the girls to come sit with you. You won't be alone for a second, I promise. I love you and I'm never letting go. Now, get some rest so you'll be allowed to open those beautiful brown eyes again. I miss you."

I slowly stood and painfully leaned over so I could place a kiss on her lips. They twitched beneath me and I smiled. "Even asleep, you're a frisky kitten. I'll kiss you properly when you wake up. I love you, baby. Come back to me, please. I can't lose you again."

"Edward?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"The police are waiting. Let's get this over with."

"Get the girls, please. I don't want Bella to be alone."

I felt two sets of arms wrapping around me gently. "We're here, Edward. We won't leave her alone for a second," Alice whispered.

Dad pushed the wheelchair closer so I could sit. The pain was so intense I thought I would pass out. Alice and Rose kissed my cheeks before I was wheeled out of the room to talk to the police. I hoped I could remember enough to make a difference, because there was no way I wanted this guy free after what he did to Bella.

I just hoped and prayed that Bella would come out of this okay.

* * *

***peeks head out of hidey hole* Are you guys still calling me names and hating me?**

**Sigh. I realize that you're not happy with how the last chapter played out at the end. I heard you loud and clear and I can understand why, and I can respect that. All I'm asking is that you trust me. Have I lead you astray before? I would NEVER use gratuitous angst/violence in a story, especially not for these two. My God, haven't they suffered enough? You need to trust that this is happening for a reason and that this is leading somewhere.**

**I'll warn you that the next few chapters aren't going to be light and fluffy like baby chicks, they'll often be rough and tough like a kimodo dragon. THIS is the reality of head injuries. Some people come away from them with few problems and may never experience any setbacks at all, while others struggle with things for years to come. **

**Bella is struggling.**

**So, I guess it's up to you and Edward at this point: will you both stick by Bella when she needs you?**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks so much for your patience. I know waiting a week to find out what's going on is probably annoying the hell out of some of you.**

**Also, I'd like to thank you for your ongoing support and love of this story. Thank you for sticking around...hopefully Edward will learn from your example.**

**Katmom and Minnakoda are queens. They should be revered and honoured for their hard work and patience.**

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**_Bella_**

My head hurts. My throat is dry. Where did Edward go? I could have sworn he was right here beside me. I can't feel him.

I feel the familiar little jolt of electricity that set him apart from everyone else and relax. Oh, there he is.

"Bella, I love you."

"Mm...I love you too."

There was a moment of silence, then I felt Edward's breath on my ear. "What did you say, love?"

I stretched and yawned. "I love you too, silly boy."

"Open your eyes for me, Bella."

"Carlisle? Why are you? What the hell is...?" I opened my eyes and was shocked to find that I wasn't in my own bed, and was surrounded by the entire Cullen clan and my best friends. "What happened?"

"Bella, do you know what day it is?" Carlisle asked.

"Sunday? The day after the Halloween party, right?"

"Maybe an easier question is in order. Do you know what year it is?"

"2009, right? What's going on?" I looked over at Edward and gasped. His beautiful face was mangled! "What happened to your face, Edward?"

Edward looked scared. I reached out, touched his cheek, and saw an IV in my hand. "Edward? What's going on?"

Carlisle asked everyone to leave the room, before sitting on my bed beside me. "Bella, sweetie, how do you feel?"

I felt my heart beginning to race and my chest started to seize up. What the hell was going on? Why are they asking me these questions? These are questions they ask after..."Um, hung-over. Did I have a seizure? What day is it?"

It was Edward who replied as he held my hand. "It's Thursday, love."

"Thursday? What the hell?" How did I go to sleep on Saturday night and wake up on Thursday in the hospital, and what the hell happened to his face? What aren't they telling me? WHY aren't they telling me?

Edward stood slowly and moved to lie down with me. He winced a couple of times and uttered some curses under his breath.

"Baby, what happened to you? Who did this to you?"

He sighed before giving me a kiss on the forehead. "What do you remember about the party?"

"I remember singing, drinking, an incredibly sexy version of _Sexual Healing_, drinking, and...well, that's about it. Have I really been asleep since then?"

"No, you were awake for while, but..." he replied.

"But what?"

Carlisle spoke up. "Bella, dear, someone drugged you at the party; they put Rhohypnol in your drink. According to the boys, you passed out, so they put you to bed, thinking you were just drunk."

"I left you long enough to take a quick shower and when I came out, there was a guy trying to kiss you."

It was like déjà vu. "Did you tell me this before?"

They both nodded.

"Did...did he...rape me?"

"No, Bella, he barely had time to lay a hand on you."

"So, I'm assuming by your bruises that you tried to intervene?"

Edward nodded.

"What's the damage? Black eye? Broken nose? Your hand isn't broken, is it?"

"No, but my ribs are."

I leaned over to kiss him. "My hero."

"I don't meant to interrupt, but Bella, you don't feel any fuzziness do you? Black holes?"

"No, like I said, I feel hung-over and I want you to take out the catheter now, please."

Carlisle chuckled. "I'm going to page Dr. King, since you're his patient, and let him know you're awake. I'm sure he'll want to run some further tests."

He turned to leave, but I called out for him. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, dear?"

"You don't see me for four years and I don't even get a hug?"

He laughed out loud. "I'm sorry, Bella, dear. Where are my manners?" He walked over and hugged me. "It's good to see you, sweetie."

"Thanks for being here. I missed you."

He sighed before kissing my forehead. "I missed you too. Now, rest please. Don't let Edward keep you up."

Carlisle left us alone in the room, and I puckered my lips as I turned to Edward. "I know I probably have atrocious morning breath, but where's my kiss?"

"You remember that?" He leaned in slowly until our noses touched. "You really heard me say that?"

"Mm-hm...at least I think so." I ran a hand through his hair and moved my lips to his. "Kiss me."

He obliged and it started off sweet, almost too chaste, but suddenly it changed; Edward became more aggressive and before I knew it, he was crying.

"Is my breath that bad?" I whispered.

He laughed through his tears, smiling for a second, then it faded. "Bella, I know I have no right whatsoever to say this, but I thought I was going to lose you again and I can't bear the thought of it. I know I left before, but I was scared and I made a HUGE mistake. I've regretted it since the day it happened; my heart had been shattered until I found you again and now that I have you, you can't leave me. I won't survive."

My hand continued to rake through his hair. I didn't want to interrupt him because he really seemed to need to get this off his chest. When he was finished, I smiled at him. "I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I'll admit that I'm freaked out by what happened, but I'm not going anywhere.

"You have to understand, again, that I am flawed and shit happens. I forget things, I have setbacks, I have seizures, I piss my pants, I get angry for no reason, but underneath that, I am still me."

I sighed as I moved my hand to his cheek. "You need to decide, especially after seeing what happened, if this is what you want. I'm not always like this, in fact, I can't remember the last time I had so many seizures in such a short period of time. But it's kind of good that it's happened now, before you get in too deep, so you can know what a future with me will look like. It won't always be like this, but it won't always be perfect, either. Can you deal with that? I need to know now because it'll be easier for both of us if you sort this out earlier than later."

My eyes closed and I felt my mind getting fuzzy.

"Bella?"

"I'm tired, Edward. Think about what I said. REALLY think about it. We can talk..." My words were slurring and I was too tired to care anymore. I said what I needed, and now I needed to sleep.

_**Edward**_

Bella fell asleep mid-sentence and it left me feeling weird. I was scared that what happened before would happen again; she'd wake up disoriented and compromised.

I lay there and stroked her face with my sore hand, and stared at her. The swelling around her eye was better and the worst of the bruising had faded to light purples and browns. Even marred by a violent act, my girl was the most beautiful creature to walk the earth, second only to our daughter.

Dad and Dr. King came into the room with a wheelchair. "Dr. King needs to take Bella for some tests, son," Dad said. "How long has she been asleep?"

"Just a couple of minutes. She drifted off mid-conversation."

Dr. King came over and checked her vitals, then shone a light in her eyes, inciting a groan.

"Leave me alone, Edward, I'm sleeping. We can bone later."

I laughed so hard that her eyes flew open and she gasped, before hitting me. "Why'd you do that? You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry, love, I didn't mean to. Dr. King is here. He needs you to go with him."

She turned to look at him. "Dr. King, I'm not going ANYWHERE until someone takes out the damn catheter. Please, for the love of all things holy, take that fucking thing out of me!"

Bella was becoming angry and agitated. "Shh, love, you don't need to yell at Dr. King."

He chuckled. "Edward, it's okay. Bella, I'm sorry about the dreaded catheter, and I'll get someone in right away to take it out. Then, will you come with me?"

She nodded, then buried her face in my neck.

A young nurse came in and banished us men from the room. I stood nervously in the hall and listened to her cursing.

"She'll be okay, son," Dad said, putting his arm around my shoulder. "You may find that she's testy, frustrated, and combative for a while. It's normal."

I nodded. I didn't care if she beat the snot out of me and screamed at me all day; all that mattered was that she was okay.

The nurse came out and shook her head, laughing. "She's a feisty one, Dr. King."

Dad, Dr. King, and I re-entered her room to find her standing by the window, looking outside.

"I want to go home," she said quietly.

"Bella, dear, you shouldn't be up on your feet. Come sit in the wheelchair so Dr. King can check you out."

Turning around to face us, her bottom lip was trembling as if she was going to cry. I stepped over to comfort her.

"Take me home, please? I don't want to be here anymore."

"As soon as the doctor says you can go, we'll be out that door in a flash, I promise," I whispered into her hair. "We just need to make sure you're okay."

"I'll never be okay."

"Yes, you'll be perfect. In my eyes, you'll always be perfect. Now, please go with the doctor so we can get you home."

"Who is feeding Fred?" she said, panicked.

"Alice and Jasper, sweetie."

She took a big breath. "Okay." I wrapped my arms around her as she took a tentative step toward the wheelchair. Once seated, she looked up at me, afraid. "You'll stay here?"

I nodded and cupped her cheek. "Yes, love." I leaned in for a kiss before Dr. King wheeled her away. I love you, Bella."

Dad and I sat in the uncomfortable chairs in her room and exhaled together.

"When do you think they'll let her go? I don't think she'll stay here willingly for much longer."

"Dr. King wants to run an EEG to monitor her brain function, to see if she's having small, undetected seizures. I'm sure that he'll let her go home as soon as she's proven she can handle it.

"Brain injuries are hard to deal with, they are tricky to treat. Dr. King is adamant that she begin taking anti-seizure medication on a regular basis. He had tried to give it to her before, but she was resistant. Alice was telling me that Bella complained that it made her feel lethargic and fuzzy. Regardless of how it makes her feel, I can't stress enough that she needs to take it."

"She said that she had been seizure-free for almost a year, and now she's had two or three that we're aware of in the past couple of months. It's like she was fine before I reappeared in her life. Do you think that I caused this? Am I bad for her? I know it sounds ridiculous from a medical standpoint, but I need to know if it's possible."

Dad sighed as he leaned forward and rested his head on his hands. "I don't know, son. It could be coincidence, or it could be that the added stress and emotion might have triggered something. I don't think we'll ever know for sure."

Mom, Emmett, and the girls walked in and joined us.

"How is she?" Mom asked as she gently massaged my dad's shoulders.

"Happier now that the catheter is out; but she's agitated and wants to go home. We need to keep her calm and relaxed for the next while. I'm hoping that Dr. King might consider releasing her into our care. She won't relax here, she might at home."

Alice moved to sit on the bed. "Jazz, Rose, and I can take shifts with her. We won't leave her alone for a second, and Edward, well, I doubt he'll leave her side."

"You got that right, pixie."

Mom smiled warmly at the girls. "I'm so thankful she has had you as friends over the years."

Rose coughed before speaking. "No, Esme, we're the lucky ones."

Bree walked in and smiled. "Hi, guys. I was just heading home, I'm off for the next couple of days. I wanted to check in to see how Bella was doing. I keep getting texts from Adam and Tyler wondering if she's okay. I see Dr. King has her in his secret lair," she winked at Carlisle. "How was she when she woke up this time?"

"Much more Bella-like, although she's agitated, which is a normal thing for head-injured patients, as you know," Carlisle replied.

"She'll be fine, guys. Just give her some time and breathing room and I have every belief that she'll bounce back. Now, you, mister," she pointed at me, "no more fighting. Someone mentioned something about you being some sort of piano prodigy." She picked up my bandaged hand. "You need to protect this, got it?"

I sighed. "Yeah, don't remind me. I may have lost my semester over this, but it was worth it. Um, can I talk to you for a second before you go, Bree?"

"Sure thing, cupcake. Look guys, it was great meeting you, and if you need anything at all, please let me know; especially once she gets home. I will make my capable nursing abilities available if you need me. And, hey, let me know next time you guys do karaoke. I had a blast!"

I stood and walked out into the hall with her and threw my arms around her, hugging her as tight as I could without crushing my ribs. "Thank you, Bree, for everything. Thank you for taking care of me when I was unconscious, and thank you for being so kind. I..." I pulled away and stared at my feet, embarrassed. "I haven't given Adam a fair chance and I really appreciate what he did, you know, jumping in when I was in over my head. Please thank him for me and tell him...tell him I'm sorry I was such a jackass."

Bree smiled. "He'll be happy to hear that, Edward. He's always been so nervous when your name has come up. Now, give me your phone."

I handed it to her, and she programmed her number into my address book, then called her own phone. "There, you can reach me if you need me. I meant it, Edward; I'd like to help any way that I can."

"Thanks, Bree."

Bella was asleep in the wheelchair when Dr. King brought her back to her room. Emmett picked her up and put her in bed, then mom covered her up.

"So?" I asked nervously.

"Well, I can't say for sure that she's not still having small seizures, and that she won't have any more significant ones in the near future, but her motor skills are better, and she's lucid again; the black holes are gone. I think the trauma and shock played a big role in this.

"Carlisle, if you will agree to stay with her for the next 48-72 hours and promise to let me know if there is any further seizure activity, I will be willing to release her sometime tomorrow. I want to run an extended EEG to watch her brain activity. Once that has concluded, you can take her home."

We all sighed collectively.

Dr. King took on a more serious tone. "I can't stress enough the importance of sleep for someone in her position, and as much as she has expressed that she does not want to take the anti-seizure medication, she has to. I'm putting her on a fairly high dose for the next week, then she can reduce it by half.

"I need you all to watch her carefully. If she spaces out, her speech slurs, her eyes cross, or she does anything at all out of the ordinary, you need to bring her back. These are all signs of potential seizure activity."

Dad nodded. "We'll take care of her."

Dr. King smiled. "I know, Carlisle. That's the only reason I'm releasing her."

"Thank you, Dr. King," I said, moving to shake his hand.

"Edward, here is my card. Since you're likely to be the one with her most of the time, please call me if you notice anything strange."

"I will."

Bella mumbled in her sleep. "No more punch."

Dr. King looked at us before leaving. "Bella's right—no more punch. She is NOT to drink alcohol under any circumstance. Got it?"

We all nodded.

"I'll let the nurses know what's going on, and get her discharge papers started so you'll be able to get out of here as quickly as possible tomorrow. Take care everyone; it was lovely meeting you all."

I moved over to the bed and kissed her forehead. "You get to go home tomorrow, Bella."

"Mm...home."

She smiled and pulled on me. "Sleep first."

I gladly crawled into bed with her, again ignoring the dull ache in my ribs because I was just glad to have her back.

_**Bella**_

"I can fucking do it myself! Christ!"

Shit. I did it again. "Esme? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to swear at you." I watched as the gentle woman turned away so as to spare my feelings when she wiped away the tear I caused her to shed. I slid down the wall and buried my face between my knees, silently cursing myself and my short fuse. Frustration ruled my life and I struggled non-stop to rein it in. My reactions to everything were more intense and extreme than they should have been, and it was only after I exploded that I realized what I had done.

"Bella, it's okay. I know you're struggling, I understand that it's not personal," she said as she slid down beside me. "You've only been home for a week, and Dr. King said that it would likely be a while before you're feeling more like yourself."

"I made you cry again," I said, sadly, as I turned my head to rest on my knees as I looked at her. "You're the last person in the world that I want to upset. I hate this."

"Feel like getting some fresh air before everyone comes home from work and school? It's a beautiful sunny day. Let's go swing for a while."

I smiled. "That sounds perfect. Let me grab us some sweaters."

She stood and extended a hand to me, pulling me to my feet. My head swam a little, but righted itself quickly.

As soon as we were bundled up, we headed out to the swings. It was intoxicatingly sunny outside, and I instantly felt better. We sat on the swings and swayed silently for a few minutes. My mind was clearer and it felt like I could finally corral all the errant and misplaced emotions constantly swirling in my head into more compartmentalized pockets.

"I want to go to school on Monday. I think I'm ready."

Esme remained quiet.

"I really do."

"If you say you're ready, sweetheart, then I will try to convince the others of this. You know Edward will likely fight you on it."

I gritted my teeth. "Yes, I think," I exhaled loudly as I ascended into the sky, "I think I need to assert myself here. I don't need to be babied. Carlisle agrees with me, too; we discussed it this morning before he left. He made some valid points and we came to an agreement, or rather an impasse. I'm going to try going part-time for now, and..."

I took a deep breath and pushed myself off the ground with as much strength as I could muster. "I've agreed to consider extending the time it's going to take to finish my Masters. He and I went to see Irina this morning after we saw Dr. King, and she agreed with both of them."

_After fighting with Edward about going back to school, I was in full fury mode when Carlisle and I went to see Dr. King. I was RAGING mad, and it took me quite a while to calm down. He asked me why I was so enraged and I struggled at first to pinpoint the exact cause, and eventually narrowed it down to the fact that it felt like no one was listening to me; they were making decisions about my life without consulting me._

_Carlisle had taken my shaking hand in his and looked me in the eye when he spoke so I would understand that he was being sincere._

"_Bella," he said quietly, "you are clearly a strong, independent, and intelligent woman, but you need to acknowledge certain limitations that may hinder you a little. I think you should go back to school and re-establish your routine; it's good for your brain, and I believe it might elevate your mood. However, with the recent irregular brain activity and the seizures, you need to be cautious."_

_I knew that, I was well aware that I could do more damage if I wasn't careful. Seizures now took longer to recover from, and I knew they were potentially causing more damage. I had agreed to take the meds with very little hesitation, much to their surprise._

"_But, sweetheart, you need to slow down," he continued and nodded at my concerned mentor, "Irina here has agreed to act as a mediator between you, your professors, and the administration. They are willing to make some concessions. The rest is up to you. Can you please try to relax, to cut your work down? Maybe have classmates record the lectures for you for a while? I think that at this point you should consider going to afternoon classes only. I know you struggle in the morning."_

_I had nodded. He was right; mornings were rough and I usually needed a nap by ten or eleven. If I slept later, I might be able to stay awake for an afternoon seminar._

"_Okay."_

_Carlisle and Irina had looked shocked at my easy concession. I shrugged. "Everything you said is true, Carlisle; I DO work better with a schedule and I DO struggle a lot in the morning."_

"_That was too easy," he mumbled as he raked his hands through his hair, in a very familiar gesture. Edward and his dad were two peas in a pod._

Esme's voice drew me out of my replay of the morning's events.

"So, you'll consider it? There'll be no fighting?"

I looked over at her and smiled. "Nope, AND, Irina has agreed to come here to the house to work with me."

Esme smiled. "She's an incredible woman, Bella. You are blessed to have her. I was instantly drawn to her when she came to visit you in the hospital."

"I don't remember her being there, but I knew she had been when I saw the teapot full of daisies on the table." I had laughed when I saw the teapot and the box of assorted teas that was with it. Esme and I had tested out several of them already.

"There was also an elderly gentleman who stopped by briefly with the huge bouquet of sunflowers as well. He called you _Sunshine_."

I smiled widely as I soared into the blue sky. "That was Alfie. He's a dear, sweet friend. I need to visit him soon. I miss him."

Esme's swinging soon matched my own and we both giggled like schoolgirls as the butterflies tickled our stomachs. We pumped our legs in silence, just enjoying the moment. When we finally slowed, she grinned at me. "You are blessed, Bella. So many people love you and have been touched by you." She reached over and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. "Please know that we are all here for you in whichever capacity you need us. Please don't suffer in silence, as I know you often do. You are so much like your father. I see his quiet strength in you and your mother's compassion and youthful exuberance."

I felt a lump in my throat.

"They would be so incredibly proud of you."

I ducked my head to avoid her gaze. "I miss them so much."

Her hand moved to lift my chin so I was looking at her. "I know you do, sweetheart."

"I know it's been five years and a million worlds away, but I don't think it has ever sunk in that they're really gone. It's the strangest feeling. I know they aren't here, but it doesn't feel like they're never coming back. Fuck," I ran my hand across the back of my neck before I realized that I had just cursed again. "Sorry about the f-bomb, Esme. I'm not explaining myself very well."

She got up and hugged me. I inhaled deeply, drowning in the smell that was uniquely hers, lilac and vanilla, and allowed her to hold me.

"You need to say goodbye, sweetie."

"I know."

I felt her loosen her grip on me and pull away. She knelt down so we were at eye-level. "I think you should come home and do it at Thanksgiving."

I sighed heavily. "You said that before. I haven't forgotten. I'm working on it."

Saying goodbye would probably be the thing that would help me most in dealing with this shit-storm. I never had closure, and I knew that going to the cemetery and finally letting them go, seeing the headstones and realizing that they really weren't coming back, would probably help.

But did I want to let them go? That was the million-dollar question.

Esme stood and kissed the top of my head. "That's all anyone can ask. Now, why don't we go back in so you can rest and I can get started on dinner? I also want to start cooking ahead so I can leave food behind for you when I leave."

"I can't believe Thanksgiving is two weeks away," I said, as I stood from my swing. "Time flies when you're sleeping."

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**So, Bella's back on the mend. Far from perfect, she's got a long road ahead of her, but the good thing is that Edward is still by her side.**

**Will he stay? Will he run? Will she run? Will Esme rock out to Alanis Morrissette again?**

**Fic Recs this week:**

**_Mocking Moon_ by newmoonaholic  
_The Workshop: Restaurant Wars_ by danieller123  
_An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy _by m81170  
_Magenta Madness_ by BlackHale82 **

**Big hugs to my pirate h00rs. You know who you are.**


	32. Chapter 32

**It feels like forever since I've posted! **

**Here's the next chapter...**

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_**Edward**_

Now two weeks after the horror-filled Halloween incident, Bella was still shaky, but improving on a daily basis and I couldn't have been happier. She was back on a schedule, with her mornings spent resting and her afternoons in class. She only had afternoon seminars on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and I noticed that she was more tired those nights…and more volatile.

Her mood swings seemed to depend on how tired she was, which meant I was paying close attention to her so I was better able to prepare myself for the onslaught. Thankfully Mom was still staying with us and would warn me when I arrived home from school as to whether or not I should be watching what I say. I mean, it's not like I censored my thoughts, I just had to think about how I was wording everything, and prepare myself for her fury when things got rough.

On the days when she was most frustrated, she would lie in bed at night and cry, asking how I could possibly want to live with her, with IT, and how she was scared she'd say the wrong thing and scare me away. On those nights, I would hold her in my arms and whisper that I am not going anywhere unless she asks me to, and even then I told her that I would put up one hell of a fight.

Paul called me one day to let me know the guys from the support group were getting together for some drinks and pool at Garrett's house. Since Mom wasn't leaving until the following morning and had offered to stay with Bella, I agreed to go. I didn't feel right leaving Bella alone with Alice at the moment, since she had reduced the poor eternally happy pixie to tears on several occasions, and I didn't want to chance it happening when I wasn't there to intervene. Jasper confided in me that he was glad that he and Alice would be going to Phoenix to visit her parents for Thanksgiving; it would give them a chance to get away from the chaos and regroup. I wasn't surprised to hear him say that at all, and I assured him that it was okay that they were feeling overwhelmed.

I spoke to Mom as I pulled on a jacket. "Mom, Bella's a little agitated tonight, so you might want to leave her be. Call me if ANYTHING happens, okay? If she starts getting shouty or starts crying, please call."

Mom shooed me toward the door. "Go, Edward, Bella and I will be fine, and Emmett said that he and Rose would stop by later to visit."

I walked into Bella's room to find her asleep, a book resting on her chest. I picked it up, bookmarked the page and placed it on the night stand, gave her a kiss, and pulled up the duvet.

"I love you, Bella."

"Mm…you too."

"Sleep, love. I'll be back in a bit."

I arrived at Garrett's and found the guys had already started drinking. Someone handed me a beer and directed me to the basement. Really, though, it was more of a _man cave_. There was everything a man could want and more.

"EDWARD!" Paul said, clapping me on the back. "How's it going?"

I shrugged. "It's been a rough couple of weeks."

He led me to a huge leather couch. "Have a seat. Irina let us know what happened. I hope the bastard rots."

I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of the disgusting bastard who had caused so much damage. "He's already out," I grumbled. "Fat lot of good it did to press charges; his lawyer had him out a couple of days later. He does, however, have a GPS strapped to his ankle so they can track him. We also have restraining orders against him, and if he comes within 300 feet of either of us, he'll be thrown back in jail so fast his stupid head will spin. I mean, I just don't get it. We didn't know him, none of us had ever seen him before. Why would he just show up at a random house party and drug my girlfriend? Seriously! Can you make sense of it? Because I sure as hell can't." I huffed in frustration at the situation once again.

"So who was this asshole?"

Anger bubbled from within me as I raked the fingers of my good hand through my hair out of frustration. "His name is Laurent St. Pierre, and he's apparently just some dude who preys on women. I'm hoping that in light of the media coverage, more women are going to come forward and maybe we can put him away for a long time. As it stands, based on his attack on Bella and me, he probably won't do more than a couple of years of house arrest." My anger slid down a notch to frustration, and then I grew quiet. "I'm just glad that Bella has no recollection of it."

Paul's face softened as he asked the next question. "How _is_ Bella?"

"She's okay, I guess. It depends on the day, some are definitely better than others. She's angry a lot, she gets frustrated, and she swears like a sailor. Mom, Dad, and Emmett assure me this will pass; she was like this before."

"And you?" Paul asked, tipping his beer slightly in my direction. "How're you doing?"

"My ribs still hurt, and my hand aches like a son-of-a-bitch, but I'll survive." I flexed my sore hand gingerly.

"No, Edward, how are you FEELING? Really, this must be hard on you as her partner."

I took a drink of my beer. "I'd be lying if I said that it didn't bother me, but it's out of my control. I'm just thankful that I didn't lose her."

Garrett plopped down beside me. "How did you make out on Emma's birthday?"

I blushed, thinking back to Bella and the Rabbit.

"Ohh," he winked at me, "gotcha. _Forget Sex_ can be pretty intense."

"Really? You've…?"

They both nodded. Garrett grinned as he spoke. "Edward, take it from us older guys; there will be days when the only thing that will make the pain go away for even a few minutes is _Forget Sex_. Don't be ashamed. Now, I'd be worried if you were resorting to it all the time as a way of coping with it, but then I might also call you a lucky bastard, because my wife won't touch me half of the time."

I shook my head. "No, it was just the once, and she cried something fierce after. I tried to calm her down, but sometimes I feel like I'm saying the wrong thing."

A guy I didn't know joined in. "Son, the fact that you're able to try speaks volumes. A lot of men can't face it; they run from their spouse's grief because they don't know what to do. I think it's ingrained in men to want to protect and comfort their own, but when they can't, it's frightening as hell."

"How were you feeling that day?" Garrett asked.

This was starting to feel like a therapy session and not a night out with the boys. "Raw. Bella had wanted to spend the night before alone, so when I woke up the morning of the 27th, I was alone and exhausted from a restless night wondering if I should call her. She beat me to it; sent me a text saying she was drowning. I ran right over.

"Our day was rough, but my brother had his traditional birthday party for Emma and that was fun. His students made birthday cards and his girlfriend brought over balloons for us to release." I took a drink of my beer, wiped my mouth, and continued. "I felt amazing that night when I went to bed. It was like a huge load had been lifted off my mind"

Garrett stood up. "Everyone, let's raise our drinks to Edward on his first big breakthrough!"

"To Edward!"

I blushed. "Thanks."

"Okay, who wants pizza?" Paul shouted, thankfully breaking the intensity of the moment.

I stayed at Garrett's until ten. It had been a great night, although there were some odd moments too. A couple of the men I hadn't met before tonight had become emotional and I felt a little uncomfortable. Paul later assured me that I'd get used to it.

We also discussed throwing a surprise Christmas party for our partners sometime in the coming weeks leading up to the holidays. Someone suggested maybe renting a ballroom at a local hotel, having dinner in the dining room, and hiring a Santa. I thought Bella might really enjoy getting dressed up and going out.

On the way home, I decided to stop by my place to grab some clothes. I hadn't slept at my apartment since Halloween and had all but moved into Bella's. Rose had given notice at her apartment and was now living full-time with Emmett at our house, and to be honest, I couldn't have been happier. It was good for him to have someone with him when I wasn't there, not to mention they were getting along so well, and were both so incredibly happy that I couldn't begrudge them that.

My hand was still too sore for any heavy piano playing and although my professors were appalled that I would risk my future in music to defend my woman, they agreed that I could make up my practical component after Christmas, when my hand would have had a better chance to heal properly. I was still plunking away though, afraid of it becoming stiff. I grabbed my portable keyboard to bring back with me; maybe I'd play for Mom and Bella if they were still up when I got home.

Mom was packing up some food and putting it in the freezer so Bella and I wouldn't have to cook for the next week. We'd be driving to Forks for a week's stay in a few days anyway.

I leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Hi, Mom. How'd you make out?"

She smiled. "We did just fine. Bella helped me with the cooking tonight and was in great spirits. Rose and Emmett showed up and the girls had a regular old giggle-fest while I had to fight your brother off from eating your food. I sent him home with some for him and Rose to eat, but he insisted I made too much for you guys and that he would gladly eat the extras." Mom shook her head. "I don't know how you two can afford to feed yourselves with his enormous appetite."

"Thanks, Mom. I wish you didn't have to go." I hugged her tightly to me. "It's been so great having you here to help."

"I wish I could stay too, but I need to get back to work, and I miss your father." She blushed at her admission. "Not to mention I need to get everything ready for Thanksgiving. I'm sure the house needs a good cleaning, not to mention there probably isn't a crumb of food in the place."

"True. Dad's not much of a cook. Well, thanks, Mom. We both appreciate it."

"Anytime, darling. Did you have a good time with the men?" She asked as she pulled a tray of cookies from the oven.

I snagged a hot cookie and received a prompt slap on the hand for my thievery. "Yeah, I did. I'm glad I met them, I feel so much lighter now that I have them to talk to. They're really helpful and a lot of fun."

I kissed her cheek. "I'm going to go check on Bella. I love you, Ma."

"I love you too, Edward."

Bella was curled up on the bed, reading. When she heard the door open, she rolled over and smiled. "Hi, baby. How was your night out with the boys?"

After ditching my jacket, I crawled onto the bed behind her and pulled her into a hug. "Mm…it was good," I murmured as I nuzzled at the nape of her neck. "The guys all said to say hello and they hope you're feeling better soon."

Bella rolled over and kissed my nose. "I think I should go to the meeting next week. I feel bad for missing the past couple."

I nipped at her earlobe as I spoke. "They all understand, love, and were worried about you. I had to talk them out of forming an angry mob to go after the guy."

She nudged my face so we were mouth-to-mouth. She smiled against me as she nibbled at my bottom lip. "They're good guys. I'm glad you have them."

I felt a stirring in my pants, and if this kept up, I'd be taking a trip to Cooterville, as Bella so strangely referred to her snatch. The doctor had advised against any, uh, intense intimacy for a couple more weeks and it was getting harder and harder to willingly thwart Bella's advances.

"Bellaaaaa…" I groaned as her hand ran down my chest toward the bulge in my pants.

"Please?"

"We can't…. GOD!" I yelped like a poodle when she squeezed a little too hard. "Easy, Bella, I'm just as frustrated as you are, and feeling a little sensitive."

I knew she was pouting without even looking at her. She rolled onto her side, facing away from me. I took a couple of deep and still painful breaths, and rolled over to spoon. "Baby, I'm not trying to be an asshole, I just worry that something's going to happen. Why can't we lie here and just enjoy each other's company?" I paused, looking for something to change the subject. "What're you reading?"

"_Relative Happiness_ by Lesley Crewe. She's a Canadian writer that Irina thought I should check out. It's a phenomenal first novel…I feel like I could walk out into the other room and find the characters just sitting out there, having tea. They're very lifelike."

"Want me to read to you? You used to enjoy that when we were younger."

"Please."

So, I picked up the book and began to read, and even after Bella fell asleep, sprawled across my chest, I continued to read the compelling novel. Even when Fred joined us up on the bed and tried to nudge the book out of my hands, I held firm and I didn't go to sleep until I finished it several hours later. I was a weeping mess, and wondered if perhaps Bella would make it through this wonderful piece of literature in one piece.

Bella woke up sometime around dawn and caught me crying. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I finished the book."

She smiled as she wiped the tears off my face. "Irina mentioned that it was a bit of a weeper. So, did you enjoy it?"

"Thoroughly. Does she have any other books?"

She reached over the side of the bed and pulled out a couple more books. "Yes, and Irina hooked me up with all of them."

"Sweet."

"You haven't slept yet, have you?"

"No," I stifled a yawn.

"Get some sleep. I'm going to get up and spend some time with your mom before she goes."

"Please wake me up so I can say goodbye, okay?"

"I will," she said, kissing my nose. "Now, get some sleep. You look like shit."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Thanks."

"Did you roll your eyes at me?"

I batted my eyes at her innocently. "Maybe?"

She clicked her tongue and kissed my nose again. "Sleep, baby."

Bella turned off the bedside lamp and took a couple of steps. "Um, Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

Her voice sounded small and nervous. "Can you turn the light on? I'm lost."

"Of course." I reached over and turned it on. Poor Bella was two steps from walking into the bureau. Her shoulders slumped when she saw just how off-course she was, and sighed. "I'll wait until you're in the hall before turning out the light, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Edward." My girl sounded so defeated.

"There's nothing to apologize about. Some people deal well with the dark while others don't. We'll just invest in a nightlight. There are worse things in the world, love."

Bella flashed me a small, sad, smile before closing the door. I reached over and turned off the light and very well could have been asleep before my head hit the pillow.

_**Bella**_

How had I managed to get that lost in a matter of three steps? Fuck. To say that I am frustrated would be the understatement of the century. I just want things to go back to normal and I think I finally realized after this last major setback that I need to work on finding my new normal.

I wandered into the kitchen and automatically started pulling out the ingredients to make waffles. Esme had been getting up and making breakfast for us every day. So, the very least I could do on her last day was make her breakfast, and regardless of how hard I hurt my head, I think the waffle recipe is so deeply engrained in my brain that I will never forget it.

Before I started, I dug out my iPod and docked it so I could listen to some music. Was it an ABBA day? Sure! I began playing it softly so as not to wake the others up. I pulled out my big bowl, the utensils, and measuring cups before plugging in the waffle iron. From that moment on, I felt more myself than I had in a while. Everything was second nature and I felt unfettered and normal.

Normal. There's that word again. How flippantly we tend to use a word that has no meaning.

I sighed.

"You okay, Bells?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Alice, damn, you scared me."

"Sorry. I got up to pee and heard the music. I hope you don't mind me joining you." She seemed kind of nervous.

"Of course you can join me. I had hoped to surprise everyone, but I could use some help chopping up some fruit, that is, if you want to do that."

Alice smiled and nodded as she moved to the fridge to grab some fruit. I moved the cutting board over to the breakfast bar and grabbed a knife for her. She got to work chopping while I mixed up the batter.

Since this was the first time Alice and I had really been alone since the party, I thought this might be a good time for me to talk to her, to apologize. "Um, Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I'm sorry."

She looked up from her strawberries and frowned. "What for?"

"I've been a real bitch. I know that you're just trying to help me, but I've been flying off the handle at you, and I want you to know that I don't mean it. I love you, Alice. You're my sister from another mister and I would never want to do anything to hurt you."

Alice shrugged. "I know."

"But I see the hurt in your eyes when I yell, and I don't want to upset you."

"It can't be helped, sometimes. I understand that your brain is scrambled again and you get frustrated, and you can't help it." Her voice lowered when she spoke again. "I understand, but sometimes it hurts anyway."

The urge to cry was growing, and when Alice looked up at me and her big eyes just looked so defeated, the dam cracked. "Oh, Alice, I don't know what to do to make this better. You are the last person I want to hurt. You've put up with so much, and I'm just so scared that this time it's going to send you over the edge and I CAN'T lose you. You need to call me out when I do that shit, okay?"

She moved over to me and hugged me. "You won't lose me, Bella. I'm not going anywhere right now, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it either. You've said some horrible, hurtful, and unwarranted things to both me and Jasper, but WE UNDERSTAND. We wouldn't be your best friends if we couldn't stand by you when you need us most."

"That's the sign of a true friend, Bella. Listen to Alice, she's being sincere."

"Oh, Esme, I didn't wake you, did I?" I asked.

"No, no, sweetheart. I was awake. So, is it just us girls right now?"

Alice and I nodded.

"Good, we don't need those stinky boys getting in our way. OH, BELLA! Are you making waffles?"

I nodded. "At least I was before I decided to blindside Alice with my shit, er, I mean, crap."

"Well, I'm famished. Let's get these puppies cooking so we can eat before the boys get up. What can I do, Bella?"

"Hmm…OH! Can you please make that wonderful syrup that you used to make?" My mouth watered at the thought of the very simple, but delicious sauce that Esme would sometimes make. "I've tried to recreate it, but it's never quite right."

Esme grabbed an apron from the closet and threw it over her head. "I have the same problem with your waffles. Of course I'll make it."

The three of us danced around the kitchen, singing, laughing, and having a great time while we got breakfast ready. Neither one of our boys was up by the time everything was ready, so we sat down and tucked into the feast before us.

"I was going to ask if you wanted me to stay a couple more days, but I can see that you're in good hands, and you're doing a lot better than you were," Esme said as she cut off a piece of waffle. "Will you promise to rest when you need it?"

Because my mouth was full, I simply nodded, then Alice spoke up, "She'll be fine, Esme. We'll take good care of her."

Esme smiled at Alice, and reached for her hand. "I know, sweetie. Thank you."

Jasper walked out, scratching the small trail of light hair below his navel and yawning. "Mm…waffles?"

"Good morning to you too, sunshine," I said to him. "There's a plate of waffles in the oven, but make sure you save some for Edward. Oh, and be careful…"

He cut me off before I could warn him. "SON OF A BITCH! THAT'S HOT!"

"…the plate's hot, dumb ass." I finished, chuckling. "How many times do I have to make waffles before you learn that the plate in the oven is HOT?"

After he fixed his plate, he walked over to us and planted a kiss atop each of our heads. "Esme, are you sure you have to go?"

"Sorry, Jasper, but I need to go take care of Dr. Cullen, and my clients. Thank goodness for the internet! My clients barely knew I was out of town." She winked at me. "It's too bad you kids can't come to Forks with the others. Please know that the invitation is always open. Alice and Jasper, you are always welcome in our home."

"Thanks, Esme. We might take you up on that sometime. But this time, we're heading to see Mom and Pop Brandon. They'll go easier on us at Christmas if we go home for Thanksgiving. Maybe we'll come spend some time with you then," Jasper said, his mouth full of waffle.

"Geez, Jazzy, close your gaping pie hole!" I muttered.

Everyone stopped and looked at me.

"Oh, crap, I did it again, didn't I? Sorry. Jasper, could you please not speak with a mouth full of food? Is that better?"

Esme nodded, and Jasper smiled. "Sorry, Bells. I forgot how much you hate that."

I sighed. "I hope I get over this verbal diarrhea and propensity to yell at people for no reason soon."

"So do we," Alice said, matter-of-factly. Esme and Jasper looked at her in shock. "What? Bella wants us to be upfront with her. I call 'em like I see 'em."

We finished breakfast and cleaned up while Esme went to finish packing.

She returned to the kitchen a few minutes later with her suitcase in hand. "I realize it's a couple of hours earlier than I had planned on leaving, but since I'm up and packed, I think I'll head out now."

"You can't go before saying bye to Edward. He wanted you to wake him before you leave," I said, as I ushered her toward my bedroom. "He'd be upset if he didn't see you."

"Did he not sleep well last night?"

"No, he was up reading all night."

Esme laughed. "He used to do that all the time when he was a little boy."

I opened the door and left her to say her goodbyes to her son. I also didn't want to go in there while it was still so dark, because Lord knows I'd end up in the closet or falling into the tub. Instead, I went and sat in the living room with Fred, who ran for my lap the second I sat down.

"Poor Freddy Foo has been neglected, hasn't he?" I said, scratching behind his whiskers. "Your momma has been awful, yelling, screaming, and making loud noises. Sorry, beebee. I don't mean to be like that. You know I love you, right? Yes, I do. You're my boy, my Freddy Fooey."

"Um, Bella? You do realize that Fred is a cat, right?"

"Yes, Jasper. I am fully aware that he's a cat. Back off, wouldya? Poor dude has been neglected lately. I'm surprised that the SPCA hasn't come out here and arrested me for kitty neglect."

He laughed. "Just checkin', darlin'. I wanted to make sure that you hadn't suddenly come to believe that he was just an overly hirsute child. He almost has Edward's hair colour, you know."

I looked at the orangy fluffball in my lap and giggled. "You know, he does. I never really noticed before."

Jasper squinted his eyes at me. "Oh really? Hmm…seems suspect to me, Miss Swan."

I stuck my tongue out at him as Fred nuzzled my hand and purred loudly. "He's a happy boy, isn't he?"

Then something dawned on me. "Oh shit…who's going to watch him while we're away? I can't take him with me, and you guys are going to be gone."

"Angela and Ben are sticking around," Jasper pointed out. "I bet they'd look after him."

"You're so smart, Jazzy, I don't know what I'd do without you. I'll call them later."

"Don't forget to do it, Bells. Should I set a reminder for later?"

"Yeah, probably. Thanks, Jazzy."

He tipped his imaginary hat at me and drawled as he backed out of the room. "It's my job, pretty lady. It's what I'm here for."

Shortly after he left, Esme returned and sat beside me.

"Boy, he's really out of it," she said, chuckling. "He was mumbling something about _it's not time to go to Cooterville yet._"

My cheeks turned red instantly and I felt the flame in my stomach almost instantly.

Esme laughed. "I don't want to know, do I?"

I looked down at Fred and stroked his soft fur. "No, probably not."

"So, I'm going to take off, sweetie. Are you sure you don't need me to stay?"

"No, Esme, you can go. I've eaten up enough of your time, and I'm feeling better. If I can get these stupid outbursts under control then we'll be good. I feel like I'm pushing everyone away, and I can't stop it. I just hope they understand. I know that Emmett does, because he's been through this with me before, but the others…well, I just worry."

I felt Esme's arm reach around my shoulder and pull me to her. "You're going to be fine, sweetheart. They understand. Now, if you need Carlisle or me at ANY time, you call, okay? Do you promise?"

"Yes, I will. I don't want to mess around with any of this scary stuff, I'm going to rest when I need to, I'm going to take my pills, I'm going to go see Dr. King immediately if something feels off. I want my life back…this is no time to be stubborn."

"I'm glad to hear that. Okay, well, Fred," she got down so she was at eyelevel with him, "it was nice seeing you again, and I'm going to miss waking up with your bum in my face. You take care of Bella, okay?"

Fred nuzzled up against her and gave her a headbutt.

She moved up so we were face-to-face. "Now you take care of yourself, and I'll see you next week for Thanksgiving."

"I'll miss you, and thanks, Esme. You've been such a godsend."

"You're family, Bella. Don't be silly."

I hugged her tightly, which sent Fred flying off my lap with a meow. "Drive safe, Esme. I love you."

"I love you too, dear. I'll call you when I get in, okay?"

I nodded and watched as she gathered her things and walked out the door. I wanted to run after her and beg her to stay because I was scared that without her here as a buffer everything was going to fall apart, my friends would get frustrated and leave, and Edward…

Sigh.

He stayed. He is still here with me even though I yell and scream at him every day and it's not his fault. He takes me to my appointments and holds my hand to show support. He loves me even though I'm broken.

For how long? How long would we live in our happy, crazy bubble? Surely, something is going to send one of us running for the hills, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified at the thought.

* * *

**Oh my God! A chapter without major angst and tears? What? What? Whaaaa?**

**You guy deserve a break, consider it the calm before the storm.**

**I mentioned Lesley Crewe's incredible book _Relative Happiness_ in this chapter. Since i'm all about the shout-outs, I wanted to include my Lel. Lesley is my mentor, she talks me down from scary places when I'm writing; she encourages me to write; she makes me believe in the power of words and the incredible possibilities out there; and more importantly, like my sweet angels KATMOM and MINNAKODA, she tells me when things suck. She has several books out at the moment, with a new one coming up. _Relative Happiness_ spoke to me in ways a book hadn't managed to do so in a long time and I can't encourage you enough to check it out.  
You can check her out at www (dot) lesleycrewe (dot) com**

**Now, onto fanfic recs:**

**_Shut Up and Let Me Go _by Minnakoda_  
_****_The Twilight Bride_ (a Twilight/Princess Bride crossover) by AQuad  
****_The Tutor_ by Lilith617  
****_Geek Love_ by SassenachWench **

**this is one I've rec'ed before, but I need to do it again:**

**_The Misapprehension of Bella Swan _by hunterhunting  
This story is all kinds of snexy (snarky and sexy). Read it. Love it. Embrace it. **

**and sadly, my sweet friend, 107yearoldvirgin, wrapped up her amazing story _Eight Days a Week_. It was an amazing story, but I'm sad that it's over. **

**This story is getting crazy close to breaking 1000 reviews. Won't you help me reach that goal?**

**Don't forget that reviews on new chapters get sneak peeks at the next chapter, and lucky #1000 will get the next chapter ahead of everyone else!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks to you guys, _ENCORE_ BROKE 1000 REVIEWS!!! Thanks so much!!**

**This story would not be possible without the help of Katmom and Minnakoda. I don't know if you really understand just how important you guys are.**

******Oh, and I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Sophilia Tantrum, my partner in TwiTour crime and all things Twilight.**

**********I also wanted to welcome all the new readers and thank them for sticking with this angsty little story and give a hug to my regulars.  
****Hold onto your hats guys, you're in for a bumpy ride.**  


******

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_**Edward**_

"What time are we leaving tomorrow, Edward?" Bella called from my living room.

"I think we should hit the road fairly early to avoid traffic. Is six too early for you?" I replied from the bathroom as I packed up some toiletries. We were leaving for Forks in the morning and I wanted to pack up the stuff I needed from my house before we went to Bella's for the night.

She walked into my room and flopped onto my bed, staring at me coyly. "That should be fine. Chances are I'll sleep the whole way anyway. So, when is Emmett coming home?"

I set my shaving kit on my suitcase, and turned to answer her. "I'm not sure, why?"

"We have the house to ourselves?" Her voice took on a sultry tone as she shimmied further up the bed.

"Now, Bella, we should probably wait a little longer. Dr. King suggested we wait another couple of weeks before we rekindle our, uh, physical relationship. I would really hate for you to have a seizure in the middle of an earth-shattering orgasm." I waggled my eyebrows at her, hoping to temper the fury that could very well be unleashed if she didn't like my answer.

Emmett yelled hello from the kitchen, and Bella sighed. "Guess that's out of the question, then." She stretched her arms up and under my pillow and my heart literally stopped when she pulled Bunny Fou Fou out from under my pillow.

I looked over to find her face was ashen, her eyes huge, her mouth agape. This was not going to go well. I was up shit creek, heading straight for the edge of Niagara Falls with no barrel, no paddle and definitely no chance of keeping my balls.

"WHAT?" she gasped loudly. "WHERE? Uh, Edward?" She looked confused and sick at the same time.

"Bella…"

"IS THIS BUNNY FOU FOU?"

Fuck me. She was pissed with a capital P.

"ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!"

Fear gripped me as I realized that resistance was futile, there was no point in denying anything. I replied quietly, "Yes."

"YOU HAD BUNNY FOU FOU THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME?"

I nodded.

Her voice got even louder and jumped at least one octave. "I THOUGHT THEY COULDN'T FIND HIM? WHY? HOW DID YOU…HOW COULD YOU?"

I reached for her, but she pulled away. "HOW COULD YOU?"

"Bella, wait!" I reached for her again.

"I can't believe you," she whispered. "I can't even begin to…" she cradled the bunny in her arms. Huge tears dropping from her cheeks onto the stuffed animal.

"They gave him to me after it was too late…they were already buried."

My heart broke when she looked up at me again; she looked like a broken little girl. "Why didn't you tell me? Why, Edward?"

I shook my head. I couldn't get the words out.

"WHY? TELL ME!"

Emmett opened my door and stopped short when he saw Bella with the bunny. "Oh, shit."

Bella looked up at him, the sadness quickly heating up to anger. "Did you know, Emmett? Did you know he was hiding it?"

"I, uh, knew he had it," he admitted as he scratched his head nervously.

Rose came in behind him and shoved him aside when she saw Bella crying. "What did you do?" she asked, pointing an accusatory finger at me. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Bella shook the bunny at her. "They had Bunny Fou Fou the whole fucking time and didn't tell me!"

She jumped off the bed and pushed past Rose and Em as she stormed out of my room.

"Bella! Come back!"

"Fuck you! Fuck both of you!"

_**Bella**_

I grabbed my jacket and my bag before leaving the house, making sure to slam the door as hard as possible. I don't remember the last time I felt so…angry, so…so…betrayed. Head injury be damned, I knew for the first time in weeks that my anger was justified and I was NOT overreacting.

Or was I?

"FUCK!" I screamed into the night air. Dogs barked in neighbouring yards, but I didn't care. I also paid no mind to the three people calling after me. If they knew what was best, they would stay the fuck away from me.

What the hell? How could he lie like that? I thought we'd gotten past all the juvenile secret-keeping bullshit. I put myself out there, put my trust in him and here I am, fucked again without the pleasure of a mind-blowing orgasm.

Hearing their insistent and rapid footsteps slapping the pavement behind me, I veered off the sidewalk and ran behind the Sportsplex to hide under the bleachers. My phone was buzzing out of control, as I knew it would be, but I didn't care.

Bunny Fou Fou was clenched tightly in my hand and I felt so bad for the poor thing, he had been through so much. He survived the accident that killed his little owner and was now at the centre of an emotional custody battle. I laid him on my lap and dusted him off, fluffed his ears, and distributed his stuffing so he wasn't looking so lop-sided.

This beloved toy had been a present from my dad, of all people.

_Emma and I were snuggled in the big basket chair as she nursed. I saw the cruiser pulling into the Cullens' yard and smiled; Dad was here for his sometimes twice-daily visits. As gruff as he was, my dad loved his grandbaby and was incredibly proud of her. He loved showing her off at the station, and Mom said that he now had the same twinkle in his eye as he did when I was a baby._

_I covered my chest while Emma finished up. Dad was extremely uncomfortable around ANYONE breastfeeding, and I was hoping he'd stick around for a bit._

"_Hi, Daddy," I said, smiling up at him as he entered the sunroom._

_He bent down and kissed my head. "Hey, Bells. How're my girls doing?"_

"_Good. We're almost done here; why don't you pull up a chair and you can burp her if you want."_

"_Yeah? You think that'd be okay?" He looked nervous, which made me laugh because my dad didn't show his nerves very often._

"_Of course." I ducked my head under the blanket and pulled an extremely milk-drunk baby away from her lunch. She wasn't really pulling anymore anyway, just sort of smacking her lips, so I knew she must be getting full._

"_There's a receiving blanket on the back of your chair. You're going to need it; she's been really messy lately."_

_I held her sitting up, supporting her still-floppy neck as I gave her a couple of light taps on the back, to get her started. Dad watched, fascinated._

"_You can do it over the shoulder if you're more comfortable doing that. Here, do you want her?"_

_He got up, threw the receiving blanket over his shoulder, and carefully picked up his granddaughter. "She's still so small," he mumbled._

"_She's only two months old, Daddy. The doctor said she's perfect."_

"_Of course she is; she's my grandbaby isn't she?" He winked at me as he walked around the room, patting Emma on the back. After a couple of minutes, she let out an Emmett-sized burp and I could tell that it was a wet one. _

_After checking to make sure _the girls_ were nestled back in my bra and my shirt was pulled down, I got up to get a damp cloth to clean her up._

_When I returned, Dad was cradling her in one arm, and holding a stuffed bunny in his other, making it dance. I could hear him quietly singing something as he moved the bunny back and forth._

"_What's that you're singing?" I asked._

"_Oh, uh, just something I used to sing to you when you were little like her. _

_Little Bunny Fou Fou  
hoppin' through the forest,  
scoopin' up the field mice  
and boppin' em on the head._

"_I, uh, don't remember much more than that. I, uh, was over at the drug store and saw this bunny and it reminded me of you, Bells, so I thought maybe Emma might like it."_

_My eyes teared up at this tender moment the three of us were sharing. "I'm sure she'll love it, Daddy."_

And she did. She loved that bunny fiercely, and she loved when Dad would do the story and the actions for her, after he committed the whole bizarre nursery rhyme to memory. He even started calling Emma his little Goon.

I was awash with sadness when I heard footsteps approaching.

"Bella."

"Go away, Edward." My request came out a lot less convincing than I had hoped.

"Will you let me…?"

Something in me snapped and the next words out of my mouth were not so weak. "Fuck off, Edward!"

"It's cold out here, you're not wearing a very heavy jacket, you're upset, what if…"

I spat back at him, my words full of venom. "What if what? What if I have a seizure? Big fucking deal, Edward. A seizure at this point would be the least of my worries. So, NO! Get away from me. I have nothing to say to you right now. Leave me alone."

"Will you at least let Rose drive you home? You'll freeze out here, and it's not safe…what if…what if HE saw you out here alone."

"I'm not a child, Edward. Back off."

"I'm not leaving until I know you're safe."

"Pfft, there's a first for everything."

I knew that was a low blow and I found it hard to care. He had been nothing but wonderful after all the bullshit of Halloween, but still…one time doesn't erase years of abandonment.

Edward whirled around in the faint light and kicked something. "Damn it, Bella! You're never going to let it go, are you? No matter how many times you say you've forgiven me, you haven't. We'll be having this fight until the end of time.

"I don't know how to make it right, Bella. I keep fucking up and half the time I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. I'm not leaving, but I can say this, I don't think we're going to survive this. We're no better than the other couples in the parents' group, constantly blaming each other. I realize it's not EXACTLY the same, but it's close enough."

He walked closer to me, his voice dropping, becoming sad. "Do you love me at all, Bella?"

I wasn't going to lie to him. Not now. "Yes. I do."

"Do you want this, I mean, us, to survive?"

"Of course, but shit like THIS," I held out the bunny, "keeps happening. How am I supposed to trust you?"

Edward let out a choked sob before he spoke again; his voice low and gravelly. "I'll send Rose to get you."

"Thank you."

"I love you, Bella. Please remember that."

I listened as his feet dragged over the gravel and dirt and with every step my conflicted feelings ate at me. I wanted him to stay. I NEEDED him to stay, but I needed to be alone, too. I needed to figure this out.

Rose's cautious voice startled me. "Bells? You okay?"

I shook my head. "No, Rosie, I don't think I am."

"You're shivering. Come on, let's go home."

Rose wrapped her jacket around my shoulders and led me to Emmett's Jeep. I tensed when I saw it, but she assured me that she was alone. "The boys are going to give you some space to sort through it tonight."

I merely nodded as I climbed into the passenger seat, clinging to Bunny Fou Fou. I had nothing to say, and Rose knew that, so she left me alone. When we arrived at my house, I walked in, went straight to my room and slammed the door.

No one bothered me after that, probably because Rose was scared of me, not to mention I turned off my phone. I was left alone with the bunny and my conflicted emotions, and by conflicted, I mean FUBAR—everything I thought, believed, was now so utterly fucked up beyond all recognition that I couldn't find a logical place to begin processing this.

Hello? Logical side? Can you please come out to play?

I sat on my bed, stared at the bunny and tried to regroup. The longer I looked at it, the higher the temperature augmented on my anger. I needed to pull it back before I exploded; a person can only handle so much before things start to short circuit.

Counting backward from ten, I felt myself calming down somewhat by the time I reached three. By one I was ready to deal with things a little better; it was time to look at things objectively.

I stood up and began pacing as I processed everything. Sometimes it's easier to think when standing especially when logic and emotion are duking it out.

_What is your primary beef with the situation?_

Edward lied.

_But did he really lie or did he omit the truth?_

Semantics. Gah. I smacked at my head, trying to knock some sense into the logical side of my brain. I can't think of it like that. There has to be a hard truth to this.

_Maybe not._

He withheld information after I CLEARLY mentioned the bunny to him. I ASKED him who was buried with Emma...

_And what? Did you ask him if the bunny was ever found after the burial?_

Fuck you, logic! He didn't offer any information that would lead me to understand that he was in possession of the bunny. He withheld important information from me, which is just as bad.

_Did you think that maybe he was scared to let it go?_

I walked into the bathroom and flipped on the light so I could stare at myself in the mirror. I'm not sure why, though, it's not like I could actually watch my irrational emotional side fighting with the logical side, and clearly, logic was playing to win.

_Why are you really so upset?_

Hmm…because he hid something from me?

_You don't sound convinced. Are you sure this is why you are so upset?_

I don't think I am.

_So, what's the root of the problem? What's your major malfunction?_

I paused and stared at my reflection and saw a sad little girl who was terribly broken and hanging on by a thread. I saw a girl who put her faith in the one person she could trust to help her or break her and he let her down again. I saw someone who was desperate for air, and who had been bobbing around in the ocean for so long that it was surprising she hadn't grown fins, gills, and a tail.

I saw someone who needed to let go and swim off to the next buoy and take that chance that she would make it to land.

I saw a woman who was itching to move on with her life.

_Now, what about Edward?_

What about him?

_Can you forgive him?_

I moved so my back was against the wall, and watched myself slide down to the floor so the only part of me visible in the mirror was from my eyes to the top of my head. My forehead scrunched up as I pondered it. Can I forgive Edward? Yes, I think I can.

_For everything?_

I don't know.

_If you want to have any kind of future with him in your life, you need to let go of your anger and your hurt and you need to forgive him. Why else do you think you've been stuck in the middle of the ocean, unable to move? You're tied down to years of anger, of hurt, of betrayal. Has he done anything to indicate to you that he's the same scared kid he was back then?_

The bunny.

_Oh, fuck the bunny, EmoBella, be logical. Examine the evidence. Put on your best CSI cap and look at things objectively. After you were attacked and were drifting in and out of reality, did he stay?_

Yes.

_Did he almost ruin his future as a musician to save you?_

Yes.

_Does he tell you on a daily basis, if not a million times each day that he loves you?_

Yes.

_Does he endure your yelling at him day in and day out when he's done nothing wrong?_

I sighed. This was a BIG yes.

_Can you look at him as an adult instead of as the eighteen year-old boy who lost everything in the blink of an eye? Can you put yourself in his shoes now that he's explained to you a million times WHY he left and better yet, why he didn't come back? Can you feel Edward's pain?_

I watched my eyes welling up in the mirror. Yes.

_Would you want to give up the bunny if the situation was reversed?_

I had to stop and think about that. No. No, I wouldn't. I would cling to that fucking scrap of stuffed fabric and I would never let it go.

_Do you blame him now?_

I just wish he would have told me.

_Are you ready to let go of the past and make a new future with Edward? Let go of the pain, but not the memories of your family, your baby?_

I had to stop, take a deep breath, and wipe my eyes before formulating an answer to that one. Could I do it? Could I really say goodbye and be done with it? Could I release five years of pain with one simple action?

_Do you know what you have to do now?_

YES.

_**Edward**_

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S _GONE_?" I shouted at Emmett, pulling my hair.

"Edward, calm down. Rose called and said that Bella wasn't in her room this morning when she got up. Her coat, bag, and shoes are gone."

"I thought Rose was supposed to be keeping an eye on her?" I jumped out of bed and searched for my phone. As soon as I found it, I tried calling Bella, but according to the recording, her phone was either turned off or she was out of the calling area.

"Don't you dare say anything to Rosie, Edward; she's over there freaking out alone right now. I'm going over. Are you coming?"

"Where are Alice and Jasper?"

"Dumbass, they're on their way to visit Alice's parents in Phoenix. They left yesterday. Should we call them?"

"Fuck! Fuck! I don't know." I was pacing back and forth trying to gather my thoughts together. "She couldn't have gotten far, she doesn't drive."

"Do you know anyone else who might know where she is?" Emmett asked as he pulled on his jacket. "What about Irina?"

"Good idea. I'll call Irina. Can you call Angela, Ben, Tyler, Adam and Bree to see if anyone has heard from her?"

"We're on it. Come over to Bella's house as soon as you can."

I ran back to my room to pull on some clothes and finish packing as I called Irina.

"Hello?"

"Irina, it's Edward Cullen. I need to know if you've seen or heard from Bella in the past twelve hours."

"Why? What's going on, Edward?" Her words were rushed and urgent as she spoke.

"She's gone, Irina. She left. We had a fight last night and she left. Rose checked on her this morning and she was gone. Please, for the love of God, please tell me you've spoken to her. I'm going crazy!"

"Calm down, son. I haven't heard from her since our meeting on Monday. She seemed fine, in fact, she seemed better than she's been since Halloween. She was really excited about spending Thanksgiving with your folks in Forks. What happened, Edward? What were you fighting about?"

"A bunny," I said, sighing as I sank down onto my bed. "We were fighting over a stuffed bunny."

"Bunny Fou Fou I presume?"

I scratched my head. "How did you know about that?"

"Oh, Edward, please tell me you didn't have the rabbit and were hiding it from her. I'm begging you." Irina's voice was shaking, she sounded to be on the verge of tears.

My silence was confirmation enough.

"Why, Edward? Why didn't you tell her? You know the importance of the bunny."

I felt the short hairs on my neck bristle. "I KNOW! OF COURSE I KNOW! It was my last connection to my baby. Everyone is so concerned about Bella having it, but what about me? Why can't I have the bunny? Why should it automatically go to Bella? She was my baby too! We made her together. Why should she get everything? I know I fucked up and I'm on borrowed time, but why is it such a fucking sin for me to have the bunny?"

I tried to catch my breath, but it was fruitless. I was in full-on panic attack mode.

"Edward?"

"Y…yeah…" I choked out as I paced back and forth, trying to calm down.

"Take a couple of deep breaths for me. You need to calm down if we're going to find Bella." She waited for me to take a couple of painful breaths before continuing. "Now, I understand what you're saying, and I'm incredibly proud of you for saying it out loud, finally. But you need to understand why Bella reacted the way she did." She took a couple of deep breaths herself before continuing. "Bella has trust issues, Edward, and it doesn't take a mind reader to recognize this. I know I haven't known her for long, but the writing she's done for me has painted a very clear picture of where her head's at. She's an open book, kiddo, a very frail, well-worn book.

"She's afraid that she's going to lose everything again and she's reluctant to completely give herself over. Compound all of this with the recent setback she's had, her emotions are all over the place, and I doubt there was a single rational thought going through her head last night."

"But…she did…she gave herself back to me, Irina." After I said it, I wondered briefly if I said it to convince her, or myself.

"Partially. Bella gave you more than I expected her to, and her feelings for you have changed and shifted. I can see it in the work she has shown me. You have gone from a physical character to an emotional one. So, imagine how she must feel now; she has given as much of herself as she can to you, all against her better judgment and sense of self-preservation, and this happens. She discovers that one of the most iconographic representations of your dead baby, which she believed to be lost in the accident, is something you have been keeping as a secret from her.

"She's feeling betrayed, kiddo. She's broken and betrayed."

My call waiting beeped. It was Emmett.

"Irina, I have to go, my brother is calling. Thanks and I'll keep you posted. Please call if you hear from her or think of anything."

"Of course. Be safe, and please find her.

"I will."

_**Emmett**_

"Rosie, baby, calm down."

I held Rose tighter in my arms as she sobbed. "It's all my fault! I shouldn't have left her alone, I shouldn't have fallen asleep."

"Shh, baby, it's okay. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner, but you had my Jeep."

"What if she had taken the Jeep and had a seizure. Oh my God, Emmett…what if…?"

I cut her off. "Sh, don't talk like that. We'll find her. Edward's on his way."

Rosie hiccupped a couple of times as I rubbed her back. Poor girl was falling apart. "Do you think we should call Jasper and Alice?"

She nodded. "Can you do it? I'm so ashamed…I don't think I could…"

"Say no more, baby. I've got it."

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled down to Jasper's number.

"Em, brother, what's up?" he drawled into the phone.

"Are you driving?"

"No, Alice is, why?"

"Stay calm."

"I don't like the tone of your voice, big guy. What the hell is going on?"

"Don't say anything unless you make Alice pull over." I scrubbed my hands nervously through my hair. The last thing we needed was for those two to get into an accident.

"What is it, Emmett?"

"Bella's gone."

There was silence, then a couple of stuttered breaths, and then he spoke. "What do you mean, _gone_?"

"She took off. She got into it with Edward last night when she found out that he had Bunny Fou Fou all this time and she freaked out. Rosie brought her home," I paused to comfort Rosie, who was sobbing again, "and when Rosie was sleeping, Bella took off. Can you think of anywhere she would go?"

Faintly I heard Jasper ask Alice to pull over. When she asked why, he calmly told her to pull to the side of the road. There was a crunching of tires on gravel, muffled voices, then a screech from Alice.

"EMMETT! WHERE IS MY BEST FRIEND?" she shouted into the phone, prompting Rose to cry even harder, if that was even possible. "Is that Rosie? Put her on the phone. Jasper, you drive."

I handed the phone to my baby, who managed to squeak out some nonsensical rambling, keening, and crying. How Alice could understand it was beyond me.

The phone was thrust back at me. "Alice?"

"Rose said that Edward was hiding a bunny? What does that mean? What did he do to her?"

"He's had Bunny Fou Fou all along, Alice. He was going to tell her at some point, and he wasn't keeping it from her out of spite. He's been hanging onto that thing like it's Emma and he can't seem to let it go. Bella freaked out; saw it as him keeping secrets, then took off."

"So, did she leave last night or this morning?"

"We think it was this morning."

"She couldn't have gone too far on foot. We'll be back in a couple of hours."

"What about Thanksgiving? Your folks?"

Alice sighed. "They'll understand. Keep us posted, okay, and don't let Rosie cry for much longer or she'll start puking."

"Thanks, Alice."

I managed to calm Rosie down—until Edward barged in. The second she saw him, she started to cry again. He looked angry at first, but softened when he saw how distraught she was. In a move I never expected from my baby brother, he knelt in front of her, pushed a wet lock of hair away from her eyes and hugged her.

"It's not your fault, Rosie. It's all mine."

"I should have known better, Edward," she whispered, "her eyes were…w…wrong. I should have insisted that I stay in her room. If…if Alice was here, she'd have listened to Alice, she'd still be here. W…where do you think she went?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I…I just don't know. If we were in Forks, she'd probably have taken off to La Push, to the beach. But here? I don't know this new Bella well enough to have any ideas.

"I spoke with Irina, and she didn't know either. Did you call Alice and Jasper?"

I nodded. "They're on their way back. Alice said they were only a couple of hours away."

Edward looked confused. "They left yesterday morning, didn't they?"

Rose grinned sheepishly. "They always shack up in a hotel the first night. Alice's folks aren't as accommodating when it comes to sharing beds until after marriage. Alice and Jasper need at least twelve to sixteen hours of uninterrupted nookie before they get to Phoenix."

Edward's lip twitched with the slightest hint of a grin.

I stood up. "Why don't I make coffee while we wait for them to get here, and Edward, you'd better call Mom and Dad and let them know."

_**Edward**_

I was afraid to call my mother; absolutely terrified. She wouldn't react well to this at all.

"Mom?" I asked nervously.

"Morning, Edward. What's up, sweetie?"

"Well, um, we've got a problem."

Her reaction was entirely unexpected; she laughed lightly as she spoke. "Oh, sweetie, you didn't knock up Bella again, did you? I mean, I'd be thrilled to be a grandmother again, but I don't think you two…" she was joking. How could she joke at a time like this?

"MOM!" I cut her off. "No, I haven't knocked up Bella. Christ," I sighed. She was making this harder than it needed to be. I started pacing back and forth across the living room floor.

"Did you change your minds about coming home for Thanksgiving? Oh God, did Bella have a seizure? Is she okay?"

"Mom, I don't know how to say this, but Bella's…Bella's gone."

"WHAT?!" Mom shrieked into the phone so loud that Emmett heard her from the kitchen. "What do you mean by _gone_?"

"She left." My voice cracked and I could feel the tears coming down again. "She found Bunny Fou Fou and left. I don't know what to do, Mom."

"Sweetie, are you alone?"

I exhaled loudly as I tugged on a fistful of hair. "No, I'm with Rose and Emmett. Alice and Jasper are on their way back here. No one knows where she is. She didn't leave a note or anything."

"I'm sure she's fine. She probably needed some space to clear her head. Have you tried calling her?"

"Yes, her phone is turned off."

"Have you checked your e-mail?"

Hello lightbulb moment. "No! I never thought…Rosie? Do you know where Bella keeps her laptop? Mom thinks we should check our e-mail."

"Mine is in the Jeep. I'll be right back," Rose called out as she ran toward the door.

"You go check your e-mail and I'm going to call your father. We'll find her this time, son."

I breathed a tiny sigh of relief at the possibility that Bella might have sent someone an e-mail. "Thanks, Mom. Let me know if you hear anything."

"The same goes for you. I love you, sweetie."

"Right back atcha, Mom."

Rose rushed back in; her cheeks flush with exertion. "Here." She thrust the laptop bag at me.

Emmett spoke up from the kitchen. "I think Rose should check first; I think Bella would be more apt to contact her than one of us right now."

The laptop came to life and Rose quickly got into her e-mail and let out a gasp.

"What?"

_Dear Rosie,_

_I'm sorry I spazzed out on you tonight, it's not your fault and I had no right to take it out on you. I hope you can forgive me._

_I need some time to sort this out. My head and my heart are at war and I can't think straight, everything hurts, and I can't live like this anymore._

_It's time I said goodbye._

_I love you,_

_Bella_

I felt my legs give out and I hit the floor—hard. When I next opened my eyes, there were two very worried people staring down at me.

"Edward? Are you okay?" Rose asked quietly.

I rolled over onto my side, pulling my legs up to my chest, trying to get away from prying eyes and tried to figure out what had happened. The only thing I could really focus on was two words.

Bella.

Goodbye.

Acidic bile spilled out of my stomach and onto the floor.

Bella.

Goodbye.

My body shook with the sobs, my face was wet with tears and vomit, and my heart felt like it was going to explode.

Bella.

Goodbye.

_**Emmett**_

Watching my brother fall apart like that was hard, almost as hard as it was the day we heard about the accident.

What made it different this time is that I knew my heart that Bella would be fine. She needed space, I understand that, hell, I can even respect that. I even had my suspicions as to where she was.

Kneeling on the floor, I put my hand on my baby brother's back. "Edward?"

Poor guy dry heaved again. "Rosie, can you please grab a cloth for me? Thanks, baby."

I smoothed back his hair, and spoke quietly to him while I waited for Rose to come back. "Calm down, Edward. You need to get a grip. This is no time to fall apart, okay? You need to be stronger now than ever before if you're going to get Bella back."

"Bella's gone," he croaked.

Rose handed me a cloth to wipe his face, then cleaned up the vomit on the floor. I sat him up and leaned him against the couch while I cleaned him up.

"You really need to snap out of it. Bella's okay. If you really think about it, I bet you know where she's heading."

"She said goodbye, Em. She's gone."

"Rosie, baby, can you read the e-mail again? Now, listen closely, Edward."

Edward winced when she got to the line, _It's time I said goodbye_.

"Think, Edward. Who would Bella need to say goodbye to? What makes her heart hurt more than your constant asshattery?"

His eyes were blank for a count of twenty-six heartbeats before I saw that he had figured it out.

"Oh my God! OH MY GOD! Why are we sitting here? Let's go!" He jumped up, then fell back down, his face pale and his eyes looking a little off-kilter.

"You need food and water, and we need to wait for Alice and Jasper. Rosie, can you feed him while I pack up the rest of our stuff and run the cat over to Ben and Angela's?"

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Forks."

* * *

**I know a lot of you were wondering when the bunny would be found. Well, Bunny Fou Fou has surface and the shit has hit the fan.**

**I know you're probably pissed, but because I love you, I'll post the next chapter in the next couple of days.**

**Story recs:**

**_Blood Doesn't Always Make the Bond_ by Raven Jadewolf  
_Dragon Stones_ by Katmom  
_My Name is Edward_ by RobMyDream**

**What up to my h00rs at Tau Phi Eta!!**


	34. Chapter 34

**~TISSUE WARNING~**

**This chapter made Minna cry, and she rarely cries.**

**That being said, I can't thank Katmom and Minnakoda enough for reading through all this heartfail and never openly hating me for it. I also want to thank them for just being who they are; two wonderful, sweet, awesome people.**

**Okay...let's go to Forks.

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

"Kid, are you sure?"

I nodded.

"It's gonna cost you."

I nodded again, then pulled out a huge wad of cash. "Sir, I will make it more than worth your while if you could please just drive me to Forks."

He looked back at me in the rearview mirror and cocked an eyebrow. "Okay, kiddo, but I gotta say it would be cheaper to take the bus, but if this is what you want…"

I bit my lip to keep from crying. "It is. Please, can we just go?"

The cab driver's face softened a little, I think he probably noticed that I was on the verge of tears, and then he smiled. "Okay, let's go to Forks. You do realize that we'll have to go via Tacoma; the ferry isn't running until 7:10. It's going to add another hour to the trip."

"That's fine, sir. Please, can we go?"

I had wanted to take a bus because it was a lot less invasive, a lot less personal since I could put in my headphones and cut myself off from the other passengers. The problem lay in that there wasn't a bus heading in that direction for hours and I needed to do this before they found me. Surely someone would figure it out and they'd be descending on the cemetery, cutting off my private moment. I didn't want any interruptions while I was there, I needed to finish this, purge myself of the heavy burden I had carried for the past five years, find some closure.

The city lights outside the taxi soon became sparser as we drove out of town. I watched them as they zipped by and felt conflicting emotions; I was terrified of what was to come, but there was a strange sense of peace kind of lingering on the periphery as we drove further out of the city and closer to home. They say that home is where the heart is, so my home would forever be divided between Forks, and wherever I chose to lay my head.

"Kid, you okay back there?"

I looked up at the rearview mirror so I could see his eyes. "Yes, sir."

"Are you sure? I know you don't know me, but I'm a good listener and we have a long ride ahead of us. It'll get pretty boring if we're both just sitting here saying nothing. Of course, if you don't want to talk, you don't have to. I don't want to be one of those annoying cab drivers who is constantly nattering at his fares to talk. God, I'm rambling, I'm sorry kid."

I smiled at him. His eyes were sincere and I was drawn to the crinkle at the corners; they reminded me of my dad's laugh lines. "It's okay. Um, could we please pull over at the next gas station?"

"Anything you want, kiddo. I'd like to call my wife too, to tell her I'll be late."

Guilt washed over me. How thoughtless of me to take this poor guy so far away from home with a fare. For all I knew he could have been about to get off for the night. "Oh, I'm sorry. I never even thought. I hope she won't mind."

"She'll be fine, she's pretty understanding. Oh, look—would you like to stop here?"

I spotted a gas station on the right and nodded. "Sure. Thank you." I figured I'd buy the poor man some coffee and a sandwich or something.

We pulled up to the pumps and got out. He gassed up the car and called his wife while I went inside to use the washroom and stock up. I wasn't sure if I was hungry or not, but I figured I would be at some point. The cab driver came in to pay, so I thought I'd ask what he'd like.

"Coffee would be wonderful, and maybe some gum—it helps me stay alert. Thanks."

I bought a couple of coffees, some bottled water, a couple of apples, some muffins, and a couple packs of gum. When we walked back out, he offered me the front seat. Normally, I wouldn't get in the front with a strange cab driver, but he seemed almost familiar, and for some reason, I trusted him.

He held the door open for me, and when I was safely inside, he made his way to the driver's side. Before he started the car, he extended a hand to me. "I'm Sam, by the way."

I smiled as I took his tanned hand. "Bella."

"It's nice to meet you, Bella. Now, shall we head out?"

"Please. Oh, was your wife upset?"

"No, dear. She said that as long as I was home for Thanksgiving dinner that I was in the clear. I'm in charge of cutting the turkey. Sometimes I think they only love me for my prowess with an electric knife." He chuckled to himself for a moment. "So, are you going home for Thanksgiving? I mean, is Forks your home?"

I thought about how to answer that question. "My family is there."

"And do they know that you are taking a taxi from Seattle to Forks? Surely they would…"

My response was short and maybe a little too curt. "I just need to get there, and there aren't any buses until later this morning."

Sam paused for a moment, took a sip of his coffee, then sighed. "Are you sure you're okay? It's not very often I get a fare at five in the morning looking to go to Forks."

I sighed. Although I wanted to lash out at this stranger, I couldn't. He didn't seem to be prying for the sake of being nosy; he just seemed to be just a concerned older man. I suppose it probably was a strange occurrence, and I probably looked like shit. "No, Sam, I'm not."

"Well, if you want to talk, you just say the word. We have nothing but open road and time ahead of us for the next three and a half hours."

I looked over at him and smiled a little. "Thanks, Sam."

We drove in silence for a while, and I think that when he finally realized I wasn't going to talk, he put on some music. "I hope you don't mind classic rock. I don't care for rap or that whiny crap they call pop music."

"No, that's fine."

I dozed off, exhausted, and slipped into a strange dream, if that's what you could even call it. It was almost a surreal series of vignettes of the events of the past five years, culminating in my screaming at Edward over the bunny.

"Bella? You okay?"

The unfamiliar voice sounded concerned, and it was only after I opened my eyes that I remembered that I was in a taxi with a strange man named Sam. "Yeah, Sam, I think so."

He handed me a tissue. "Here, kiddo."

I looked out the window as I mopped up the tears and blew my runny nose and wondered silently where we were. The darkness outside my window offered no clues; any landmarks still veiled by the gloom. Although the horizon was beginning to lighten, it was still far from being daylight.

"We just passed Olympia."

"Oh. We're not even halfway there, are we?"

Sam shook his head. "Not quite. That was quite the dream you had."

My groan was automatic. "What did I say?"

"Names, mostly, Emma, Mom, Dad, Alice, Emmett, Edmond…"

"Edward."

"You said his name a lot. He must be special."

I looked out the window and pressed my forehead against the cold glass. "Yeah, he is. They all are."

"So, are you going to visit them in Forks?"

My mouth was suddenly dry, so I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged half of it down. "Sort of. Edward isn't in Forks, but Emma and my parents are. I'm…I'm going to see them for the first time in a long time."

"Is Emma your sister?"

I fiddled with the locket around my neck before I whispered my answer. "My daughter."

There was no need to see his face to sense his surprise. "Oh," he said quietly.

We were silent for a while longer before he spoke again. "How old is she?"

"She was almost three. She's dead, Sam. So are my parents. They died five years ago. I'm going to say goodbye to them."

"In the middle of the night?"

I nodded, finally looking at him. His brown eyes were brimming with compassion and the faint smile comforted me. He moved his right hand to cover mine. "I'm sorry, kiddo. You're so young to lose so much."

"It's okay, Sam. You didn't know." I smiled wearily at him.

Reaching behind me, I took off the locket and showed him the tiny photo of my baby girl. "That's Emma."

He looked at it and smiled before returning his eyes to the dark highway. "She's gorgeous."

I smiled at him, then looked back at the photo. "She looks like her daddy."

"Where's her daddy? Why isn't he making this trip with you?"

There was no stopping the heavy sigh I made at that question. "He's probably freaking out. He doesn't know that I left. We…we kind of got in a fight and I took off. We were supposed to be driving to Forks together later this morning, but I needed to leave early, I need to take care of some things before I see him again. I need to say goodbye to my family so I can move on."

It was then that I developed verbal diarrhea and told him the whole story. He listened attentively, handed me tissues as needed, and a hand squeeze when I really struggled. The only time he spoke was when I finished by telling him about the fight over the bunny.

"I know I don't know you, kiddo, and you can tell me to stuff it, but I think that while your reaction to him not telling you about the bunny was understandable, it's not necessarily right." He held up a hand, letting me know that he wasn't finished. "You feel betrayed, and I get that, but what about Edward? I'm sure he was clinging to that stuffed rabbit all these years because it made him feel closer to her. I highly doubt that he was being malicious by keeping it from you. I mean, I'm probably talking out of my ass here, but you didn't give him a chance to explain. I'm sure he's hurting too.

I banged my head on the window a couple of times before speaking. "I realized that after I blew up, but I couldn't face him, I needed to clear my head. I…fuck, I'm running. I'm no better than he is, or rather, was. He's been an absolute angel since the whole Halloween debacle, and what do I do? I run."

New tears streamed down my cheeks. He'll be beside himself when he realizes that I'm gone. What do I do? It's too late to… "Sam? What should I do?"

He looked at his watch. "There's no point in calling him now, he's probably sleeping. I think we'll probably arrive in Forks sometime between 9 and 10. You could always call him then. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry. Would you like to stop and have breakfast with me?"

My stomach rumbled. "That sounds good."

Sam squeezed my hand. "You'll be okay, kiddo."

I looked back out the window at the lightening sky. It looked as if it might actually be a nice day. "I hope so."

"I know a great diner not far from here. Why don't we stop there and then you can try to get some sleep."

We stopped and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast at a roadside truck stop. Turns out that Sam had once driven a logging truck and was familiar with the area, and the particular accident that changed my life. "That was you? Oh, God, kiddo, I'm so sorry. That was a terrible tragedy. My wife made me stop trucking after that. We moved to Seattle not long after so she could look after her mother. Wow, so you're Charlie Swan's girl. I knew your dad in passing, had coffee with him a few times at the diner in Forks as I was passing through. He was a good man."

Again, I felt tears welling up, but I managed to keep them at bay. Sam wasn't telling me this to make me sad, I think maybe he wanted me to see my dad through his eyes, and it made me happy to know that Dad had a lasting impact on the people he met.

I fell asleep as soon as we pulled back onto the 101 and didn't wake up until just before Forks. I felt a pang of sadness when I spotted the familiar Welcome to Forks sign, and Sam gave my hand a squeeze.

We drove in silence through my former hometown; it hadn't changed much in the four years I had been away and it was mildly comforting, yet disconcerting at the same time. I felt as if I had stepped back in time and that Dad would be driving by in his cruiser.

Sam pulled up to the gates of the cemetery and stopped. "Here you go, kiddo. Are you sure you don't want me to wait?"

I smiled at him. "No, Sam. I need to do this alone. Thank you so much for everything. I really can't thank you enough. I'm glad it was you who picked me up."

He held onto my arm as I moved to get out. "Allow me." He got out of the car and walked over to my door, opening it for me, holding his hand out. I stood up and stretched while he grabbed my bags from the back seat. Before he could see me do it, I slipped five hundred dollars in the space between the meter and the dash. It was but a small token of appreciation for all he had done for me. Sam had shown me kindness, compassion, and had made me look at things differently. I owed him A LOT more than five hundred dollars.

"Okay, Bella, it was an absolute pleasure meeting you, and an honour to spend time with Charlie Swan's little girl. I hope you find what you're looking for, and I hope you and Edward can get through this. Here's my card," he handed me a business card. "Call me any time. I'm sure Emily would love to meet you."

I hugged him. "Thanks so much, Sam." Then I handed him a wad of cash. "This should cover the fare, the gas, and anything else. I hope you have a safe trip back. I'll call you sometime. I can't drive, so I tend to take the odd taxi. I'll ask for you specifically from now on."

"Good! Now, speaking of calling, you need to call that Edward of yours before he has a coronary."

I laughed. "I will."

Sam helped me sling my backpack onto my shoulders before he drove off. After he was out of sight, I turned to face the rows upon rows of granite and marble headstones.

"Shit, I don't even know where they're buried," I said out loud to the wind and the crows perched in the nearby trees.

"I'll show you, sweetie." The quiet voice behind me made me scream.

"Esme? How did…?"

"We received a frantic phone call from Edward this morning. He's falling apart, sweetie. Emmett figured out from your e-mail to Rosalie where you would be, so they asked me to keep an eye on the cemetery in case they were correct." She pulled me into a tight hug. "We were so scared, Bella," she started to cry, "I'm just glad that you're okay."

"I'm sorry, Esme. I needed space. I need to do this alone."

After composing herself, she released me and smiled a little. "I'm proud of you. I don't agree with you taking off, but I'm happy you're ready to do this. I'll show you where they are, and then I'll leave you. Edward will be here in the next hour or so. Can you please call him? Tell him you're okay?"

I nodded.

"Let me put your bag in the car. I'll take it to the house."

"Let me get something out, please?"

"Of course."

I grabbed my journal and Bunny Fou Fou before stowing the backpack in the back seat of Esme's Audi. "Okay, let's go."

Esme took my hand and led me to a section near the back. Three headstones were lined up below the most incredible angel monument. There was a bench to the right of my dad's stone.

"Oh, Esme," I gasped as we drew closer, "it's…beautiful."

"I thought you might like it."

I walked up to the smooth stone angel and ran my hands over the incredible details that I was able to reach. "Wow."

"Did you see the inscription?" Esme asked, pointing to the base of the statue. "Love never dies."

My chest began to tighten, as Esme's arms folded around me. "It's true, dear. I'll leave you now. Call if you want me to pick you up."

"I will," I barely choked out.

"Please call him before he loses his mind."

"I will," I whispered.

"I love you, Bella. They love you still. Remember, love never dies."

I nodded silently, afraid that if I tried to speak I would lose the tenuous hold I had on my emotions and would break down into tears.

She squeezed me one last time, then kissed her hand and lovingly touched each stone, mumbling as she did so.

When I was finally alone, I pulled out my phone and turned it on. 150 missed calls. Forty-three new messages. Crap. I scrolled down to Edward's number and hit send.

"BELLA?" he practically screamed.

"I'm sorry, Edward!" I cried into the phone.

"Are you okay? Where are you?" He WAS frantic; so much so I could almost hear him pulling at his hair.

"I'm in Forks. At the cemetery. Your mom was here. I'm…I'm okay…I just…"

"You don't have to explain. We'll be there soon."

"Come alone, please."

His voice softened. "Of course, love. God…I'm so…" I could hear him crying. "I was so scared, Bella. I thought…God. Please don't ever…"

"I won't. I need to go, Edward. I'll see you soon. Drive safe."

"I love you, Bella. God, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Edward."

I ended the call and turned my phone back off. Slowly, I lowered myself onto the bench, surveying the final resting place of my family. Dad's stone was closest. I reached out to touch it, but still felt too far away, so I got down on the damp, mossy ground in front of it.

"Hi, Daddy. I'm…I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to come here. I guess it just makes it so…final, and Daddy, I don't want to let you go. I know it's selfish, but all three of you being gone has been so hard. I miss you guys so much."

I moved and settled so I was sitting between the three of them, in front of Mom's stone. "Hi Mommy, hi, baby," I looked over at Emma's tiny stone.

It was at that moment that I fell apart. I sobbed so hard I that I thought I might throw up. I couldn't stop it, so I poured out my grief as I talked to them, told them my secrets, my fears, my accomplishments and read to them from my journal.

"Mommy, Daddy, I graduated from university and it was one of the hardest days I'd had since the accident. I felt so alone. My friends were there, but you weren't. I kept hoping this was all a nightmare and I'd look into the audience and see you smiling and clapping and crying because you were so proud of me, but you weren't there, you were here. Buried in the cold ground.

"How could you leave me? I felt so alone when I woke up and they told me you were gone. I was so angry—I was so mad at God for taking you and leaving me behind. I wanted to be with you too. And then I found out that Edward had left and I felt like I had nothing left to live for."

I wiped at my eyes before burying my face in my knees. "Do you know how hard it's been? I've tried to smile and go on with life but it's rough. If it wasn't for Emmett and Esme, then Alice, Jasper, and Rose, I would have probably just killed myself because some days the void in my heart is so big it threatens to suck me in.

"But then it got a little easier, and just when I think I'm going to be able to move on, Edward and Emmett appear and I find out that I'm not nearly as healed as I thought I was.

"The past few months have been tough. I've relived everything over and over again, rehashing it, revisiting, and realizing that I never dealt with losing all of you. I buried it deep inside, only recognizing it on significant days and milestones."

I picked up Bunny Fou Fou and hugged him to me. "I have finally realized that the only way for me to truly heal is to say goodbye, because…" I took a shuddering breath, "because I didn't get to say goodbye before. You were all taken so fast, there wasn't time. I didn't have the benefit of being conscious when they buried you. I've never had ANY closure at all. So, that's why I'm here. I'm here to finally let you go. I will always keep you in my heart, but I need to move on; you're not…"

I sobbed uncontrollably again as I struggled to say the words that would really, in this context more than any other, make it real. "You're…not…c…coming…b…back."

The grief overwhelmed me as I continued to sob, Bunny Fou Fou clutched to my chest as my lifeline. "Daddy, I love you. Thank you for being the best kind of father you could be, and for loving me and Emma so much.

"Mommy, I love you, and thank you for cultivating my imagination, encouraging me to live authentically, and fearlessly, no matter what.

"Emma," I choked out her name, "Baby, you will always be my baby girl and I hope you understand just how much I miss you and how much I love you. You were a gift from God for the brief time that I had you in my arms and I'll hold you in my heart until I join you and Nana Nee and PopPop in heaven someday.

"I'd like to think that you guys sent Edward back to me, so thank you. Even though I'm upset with him, I'm glad to have him back. He makes the black hole seem less big."

I heard Edward calling my name from the other end of the cemetery. Wow, had I really been here for an hour?

"Edward is here, I need to go. I love you guys so much. I will never forget you, but I guess until we meet again, I will say…goodbye."

I leaned in and placed a kiss on each of my parents' stones, and wrapped myself around Emma's, sobbing. "I miss you, baby, so much."

_**Edward**_

Emmett pulled up in front of the cemetery and I was out the door before he put my car in park.

"Edward, here, take the keys. We'll go to the house with Alice and Jasper."

He threw the keys at me, and then I bolted. "BELLA! BELLA! WHERE ARE YOU?"

I tried to remember where they were buried. I hadn't been back since the day of the burial, and I wasn't in the greatest frame of mind that day.

I spotted the angel and ran at a dead sprint toward it. My heart shot up into my throat when I spotted Bella curled around Emma's stone, sobbing. My feet carried me toward her slower than my heart wanted to go. I needed to hold her, console her, be there for her.

"Bella?" I croaked out.

"They're gone," she managed to say, before the sobs overtook her tiny body again.

Kneeling beside her, I put my hand on her back, rubbing it as I contemplated my next move. Bella made my mind up for me by eventually crawling into my arms and pressing her wet face into the crook of my neck.

My arms wrapped around her tightly as I rocked us, not saying anything and just listening to her cry. I allowed her to purge it all, and as she did so, I felt myself beginning to come apart. As I looked over at our baby's grave marker, a wave of pain, grief, and realization hit me like a tsunami, and soon my sobs overtook Bella's in volume.

My baby was in the cold ground and wasn't coming back.

I'd never hear her laugh.

I'd never see her smile.

I'd never feel her hugs or sloppy kisses.

I'd never smell her unique baby smell.

I'd never touch her again.

I would, however, think of her often and thank the good Lord for entrusting me with one of his angels for a short time to teach me about love and provide me with a wake up call.

I would love her always.

I would hold her close to my heart.

I would remember the good times and cherish them.

I could take all of this and let her go.

And I could finally forgive myself for fucking up.

If only the angel in my arms could do that.

I sighed heavily, and felt Bella's head move away from me. Her eyes were red and swollen, but they looked almost peaceful.

"Are you okay?" I asked, pushing the wet hair out of her face.

"Yes, I think so. You?"

I nodded.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I freaked out and I'm sorry I ran away. I…"

I placed a finger against her lips. "Sh, I understand. Trust me, I understand." I tightened my hold around her and kissed her forehead.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"I forgive you. Truly and honestly, as we sit by Emma's grave with my family as witnesses, I forgive you."

It took a second for it to sink in. "Really?"

"Life is too short. I don't want to waste any more time being angry with you, or holding a grudge because…I get it, Edward. I understand."

I buried my face in her hair and began crying again, but this time I felt lighter. "Thank you."

She let me weep, and when I calmed, she cupped my cheek. "Let's go home, Edward. Let's go be with our family."

Bella fell asleep almost before we left the cemetery grounds. It was good, though, because I needed a few minutes to pull myself together before facing the family.

I was spent—completely and utterly spent. My body was running on fumes and I was emotionally destroyed, and yet…

And yet I felt a new lightness, unlike anything I'd felt in years. I had left it all behind me in the cemetery, released it like the balloons we'd let go on Emma's birthday.

The past 24 hours had been surreal and I was scared that if I fell asleep that I'd wake up and realize it was just a dream.

There was one thing of which I was absolutely sure: Bella had truly forgiven me. FOR EVERYTHING. I saw it burning in her eyes. Although I know she'll never forget my greatest transgression, I hoped that now she would realize that I wasn't going anywhere.

I pulled off onto our long driveway and smiled when I saw the house. As we neared, people began to gather on the deck and I couldn't help but feel badly that we had caused them so much concern. Mom ran over to the car and stopped when she saw Bella, fast asleep in the passenger seat. She gestured to the deck and Emmett joined her. I got out of the car and motioned for them to be quiet. My brother gently removed Bella from the car and carried her to the house.

"Put her in our room, Em," I called out quietly as Mom pulled me into a hug. I couldn't help but sigh, but I wasn't sure if it was because I felt the weight of the world was no longer on my shoulders, or because she was my mom and I always felt comforted in her arms.

"You okay, sweetheart?"

I nodded as I clung to her. "Yeah, Mom, I honestly think I am."

"Why don't you go sleep for a while; you're exhausted."

It was impossible to deny that, and my huge yawn called me out big time. "Yeah, I guess I am, and I don't want to leave her alone for too long. I think I'll just go to bed now."

Mom put her arm around my waist as we walked to the house. Dad was the first one to hug me. "You okay, son?"

"Yup, I'm just tired."

Alice and Rose were next. "Is she okay?" Alice asked softly.

"I think so. I really think so."

"Are you okay?" Rose asked as she cupped my cheek. "We're always so focused on her, that we sometimes forget you. Did YOU find what you needed?"

I looked at everyone and smiled. "Yes. I found more than I expected. She…she forgave me. She honestly and truly forgave me."

Mom took my hand and started pulling me into the house. "And now he needs to find rest. Let's let him sleep for a while." When we reached the stairs in the foyer, she hugged me, gave me a big kiss on the cheek, and sent me up to my room.

I met Emmett at the top of the stairs and he pulled me into a bone-crushing embrace. "I love you, little brother. I hope this is the end of the shit and the beginning of something much better. Lord knows you both deserve it."

"I love you too, Em. Thanks for everything—for sticking by me when I didn't deserve it, for taking care of both of us."

"That's what brothers are for." He sniffled, his next words gruff with emotion. "Get some sleep."

He released me from his hold and I smiled at him before heading into my room. Bella was curled up with Bunny Fou Fou on top of the duvet. I toed off my shoes, dropped my pants and moved to her side. She was filthy so I pulled off her Chucks, jeans, and her jacket. She only mumbled once, and that was when I had to take the bunny from her hand.

I was exhausted by the time I got us both under the sheets and fell into a dreamless sleep as soon as I was spooned around my love.

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**There...she did it. She said goodbye, she forgave Edward. This is the end of the story.**

**Nah, I'm kidding. There's still more story to come, although I'm sure you guys are probably getting sick of it.**

**Seeing as I just updated the other day and I haven't started any new fics, I don't really have any new recs for you. **

**Instead, I would like to give a big shout out to my sisters at Tau Phi Eta, the best h00rority out there.**


	35. Chapter 35

**I'm early, I know. I'm going out of town for a couple of days and didn't feel like making you guys wait for the new chapter.**

**If I don't respond to your reviews right away, it's because I am off zee grid, hanging out with a friend I met on the Twilight Lexicon, off on a road trip with Angstward.**

**As always, huge thanks to my girls, Katmom and Minnakoda for wading through everything, chapter after chapter.

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_**Emmett**_

After talking to Edward, I knew that I needed some time to myself. I hadn't had a moment's peace since Bella's freak out over Bunny Fou Fou. Between Edward losing his shit, and having to deal with him while Rose tried to deal with Bella, my mind had been working on overtime. That's not even taking into consideration the stress of the three hour car ride to Forks.

I went out to the deck while the others were distracted, hoping no one would see me and follow. I just wanted a few minutes alone with my thoughts. The air was crisp, damp, but it felt good; it felt like home. After inhaling deeply a few times, my muscles started to relax a little bit, and my mind started to loosen up; my thoughts were no longer strangling me now.

"You okay, Son?" I heard Dad ask as he joined me.

"Yeah, I think so. I just needed a few minutes to regroup. This has been an intense few months, Pop."

He put a hand on my back. "Just a few months?"

I exhaled shakily. "Five years, Pop, five fucking years." I looked over at him. "Do you think anything will ever be normal for us?"

He was quiet for a moment, as if he were trying to find the words he wanted to use. "No, Son, I don't think _normal_ has been part of our lives for a long time. It's time to redefine our normal and strive for that instead of trying to uphold our old version of it. Nothing is ever going to be the same as it was, and I think that we've all been holding onto a thread of hope that it would. I think we're going to have to start fresh and take things day by day."

I felt his hand on my shoulder, so I looked at him and was shocked by what I saw. My father looked like he'd aged twenty years in the past two minutes. His expression was grim, sad even. "Son, I…I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, Pop? You're freaking me out a little."

"Where to begin on this one?" I watched as he ran his hands through his hair, his eyes closed tightly as he thought things over. "I know that you took on a lot of the responsibility around here when everything fell apart. When I couldn't face it and hid at the hospital, you were here picking up the pieces; holding your mother together, getting Bella through everything, and then Edward…" he trailed off and I could tell he was close to crying. "I wasn't man enough to do it, and here you were not even twenty years old, having to do what I couldn't. I know you've suffered, Son, I know you've been alone through this, and I'm just so sorry.

"I want you to know that things _are_ better and will continue to improve on my end, especially concerning your mother. After she threatened to leave me, I realized that I was throwing away the most amazing thing in my life; my wife and family. I never meant to discard you, I never meant for you to have to go through it alone. I wish I hadn't run…I guess that Edward takes after me, huh?" He chuckled sadly.

"Emmett, you're an amazing man, and I hope that you can find some happiness. I see the joy in your eyes when Rosalie is around and I am so happy that you have her. I hope she can be the strength you need and the love you so deserve. You are so much of the man I aspired to be, Son, and I'm proud of you. You are strong, loyal, and loving, and Rosalie is a lucky woman to have you."

I was dumbfounded. My father, the calm, cool, collected Carlisle Cullen, was admitting his flaws, asking for forgiveness?

"I…thanks? I…really…wow, I'm kind of speechless, Pop." I hugged him. "I love you too, old man. Everything will be good now, I can feel it."

He looked back at me and wiped the wetness from his eyes. "I wish we could all feel your optimism, Son. Now, let's get back inside before they send a search party out for us."

Rose was sitting on the stairs in the foyer waiting for me. I sat beside her and held her hand. "Hi," I said, quietly.

"Hi, baby."

"So…" I trailed off. I didn't know what to say.

"You don't need to say anything unless you want to, baby. We can just sit and be quiet if that's what you need."

I lifted her hand and kissed it. "I only need you, so I'm good."

My stomach growled and Rosie laughed. "I think your belly needs food. Come on," she bent down and kissed my stomach, "let's go get you some lunch."

I groaned, her mouth was entirely too close to my groinal region, and I felt the monster stirring. "Keep that up and I'll have to eat you for lunch."

"Emmett, behave! We're in your parents' house." She slapped my arm playfully, smiling. "Come on, let's go eat."

We walked hand-in-hand into the kitchen and my parents' smiles weren't hard to miss as they stared at our connected hands. I hadn't any clue just how bad my manwhoring hurt my parents, specifically my mom. I know that Pop's concerns were primarily of a medical nature, he forced me to get tested for every sexually transmitted disease under the planet every six months. Even though I ALWAYS used a condom, he wanted to be sure, and to be honest, I didn't particularly want to end up with any cooter critters on my junk either.

Mom was more upset by me not settling down and the emotional toll it might ultimately take on me. Of course, I never realized what I was missing until I met my Rosie. It was only then that I was enlightened to the fact that sex could be a truly intimate and emotional act. I cried the first time we made love. Yes, I said made love. I don't fuck my Rosie, I love her. I may nail her hard but it's always done with love.

We sat across from Alice and Jasper, who seemed so at home here that you'd think they'd grown up with us. Alice was chatting with Mom about flowers or something, Jasper was discussing early medical interventions used during the Civil War, and Rosie was groping me under the table.

"It's not too late for me to eat you for lunch," I whispered.

"Stop, Emmett," she hissed under her breath. "Behave."

I nibbled on her earlobe. "You taste lovely."

A throat was cleared, and I looked up to see Mom smiling. "Emmett, dear, could you please refrain from snacking on your beloved until after lunch?"

Rose turned five hundred shades of red as she looked down at the table. Jasper started to snicker quietly, and I kicked at him under the table.

"Rosalie, dear, don't be upset; that comment was directed at my darling eldest son, not you. His table manners seem to have declined over the years and I just wanted to remind him that I raised him better than that." She winked at us and everyone ended up laughing.

We finished lunch and moved to the living room. Each couple assumed a similar position on a different piece of furniture. Rosie and I were on one couch, Alice and Jasper claimed the love seat, while Mom and Dad snagged the other couch. Everyone was quiet for a while, just whispering back and forth to each other, sneaking kisses. Even my parents were being all cute and cuddly. Looking at them right now, you'd never know that they had almost divorced. It seems inconceivable. I guess that they had gotten just as lost in the mess kicked up by the tragedy as the rest of us had.

You know, it's a strange moment when you realize that your parents aren't perfect or bulletproof.

"So, Emmett, how did Edward seem when you left him?" Dad asked.

"Exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted. I don't blame him, really—finding out that Bella was gone and then going to the cemetery…I can't even begin to imagine what happened out there."

Mom smiled. "I hope Bella found what she needed. There's no way those two will survive this unless they both find some peace."

"This was a HUGE step for Bella, Esme. She spent a lot of time hiding from it, never speaking of it, and I think doing this will relieve a huge burden from her. I mean, the only reminder she ever had out in the open was the photo of both families; there weren't any others," Alice said. "I really hope that this is it. I NEED this to be it; I can't leave her if she's broken."

Leave her? What the…? "Alice, what do you mean by _leave her_? Are you moving?"

Pixie looked down while Jasper rubbed her back. "Yes," she whispered.

"When? Where are you going? Does she know this?" I asked, more than a little worked up by this new development. Bella was so fragile, how would she handle this?

"Calm down, Big Guy. It's not like we're moving tomorrow. We'll wait until she's ready and until we know for sure that Edward is going to stay."

"You can't let that go, can you, Alice?" I was getting annoyed and I could hear my voice rising in volume, but couldn't find it in me to care. "You fought them getting back together from the get-go. It's not fair to either one of them to have you being skeptical all the time; planting seeds of doubt."

Alice looked away for a moment and when she looked back at me, there were huge tears rolling down her pale cheeks. "I know, Emmett, I know. I have spent the last four years looking after her, putting Bella's needs first, so you'll have to excuse me if I'm a little leery of her getting hurt again. Do you know who has had to pick up the pieces? It's been me. So, again, you'll have to excuse me for caring enough to want to protect her."

She jumped up and took off out the front door. Jasper moved to go after her, but I stopped him. "I've got it, bro. I won't hurt her."

He relented, and reluctantly sat back down.

I grabbed our shoes and coats and went to find her. She was curled up on the porch swing, crying.

"Emmett, if you're here to yell at me, don't bother."

"Nah, I brought out your shoes and coat, Little One. I don't want you to catch a cold. We wouldn't want your cute little pixie nose to turn red."

She sputter-laughed as I handed over her stuff. "Thanks."

I sat beside her and pulled her over toward my lap, where she eventually ended up. She looked so tiny, so vulnerable, that I couldn't resist. Her body was stiff when I first hugged her, but she soon relaxed and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I just want her to be happy, Em, that's all. I got scared and screwed up; first, by thrusting Adam on her, and then…Emmett Cullen, quit snickering, I'm being serious."

"You…you said…thrusting." I said, laughing.

"Gah! Emmett, be serious for a second, would you? I'm pouring my heart out to you and you're coming up with double entendres."

I sobered up and nodded for her to continue.

"Thank you. Now, second of all, I had no right to be such a bitch to your brother. You're right, I was planting seeds of doubt at the beginning, but I've been doing better." She sniffled. "I like Edward now, he's a good guy who screwed up and I get that, but it's so hard to let Bella go. What if they don't make it? Who will look after her?"

"We can all help, Alice, but I don't think they'll break up again. I don't think they can."

"I want a life of my own, Emmett, and I feel so selfish for even thinking it."

Poor Alice started crying even harder, so I started rubbing her back as we swayed on the swing. "It's not selfish to want your own life; I don't think that Bella will ever begrudge you that. She knows and appreciates all you've done for her, and I think she'll be happy for you and Jasper when you finally move forward."

"I'm…I'm pregnant, Emmett. I just found out and I'm scared of how she's going to react."

I hugged her tightly. "Congrats, Little One, I'm so happy for you."

She looked up at me. "Please don't tell anyone. I'm not very far along and I want to, you know, wait until I get through my first trimester."

I buttoned my lip. "Secret's safe with me, but I don't think she'll be upset; if anything, I think she'll be crazy excited for you. I mean, it's not like she can't have a baby if she wants to; we all know she's a fertile myrtle."

Alice laughed and hugged me. "Thanks, Emmett."

"It's all good, Little One. We'll all get through it. So, how far along are you?"

"We figure that this is a Halloween party baby."

"When did you…God, I don't want to know." I laughed as she blushed. "Why don't we go back in?"

"Okay, but remember, don't say a word."

"I won't."

We walked back in—well, I walked in and Alice was on my back, laughing. All eyes were the door and I think there was a collective sigh of relief when they saw us.

Dad stepped forward. "So?"

"All's good, Pops. So, who wants to play some _Mario Kart_?"

_**Bella**_

I slept like the dead. I don't remember falling asleep, have no recollection of leaving the cemetery, and I certainly don't recall coming to the Cullens'.

Edward was wrapped around me, snoring lightly. I kissed his nose and pulled myself out of his grip. When he groaned and mumbled, I slipped Bunny Fou Fou into his hands and he smiled.

Hmm, I seem to be pants-less and shoeless. Edward must have pulled them off. When I spotted what I had been wearing in a pile on the floor, I knew why he'd disrobed me—they were dirty and damp. Since I couldn't find my bag, I grabbed some of his clothes and ducked into the shower.

The hot water felt wonderful and I emerged feeling like a new woman. I wandered downstairs as soon as I was dressed and looking presentable via the dimly lit staircase, and was shocked to find there wasn't a soul around. The house was in near-darkness and the only noise was the faint rustling of leaves outside. How odd.

I figured out pretty quickly why no one was around—it was four in the morning. Oops. I had neglected to check the alarm clock on the nightstand figuring it was only suppertime at the latest. We'd been sleeping for…God, fourteen hours?

A pale, incandescent light over the stove lighted the kitchen so I was easily able to maneuver my way around without getting lost in the dark. I needed tea or coffee or something, and I prayed that Esme hadn't changed things around, or I would likely spend hours digging through her vast cupboards trying to find what I was looking for.

"Nothing's changed, Bella."

The sound of Carlisle's voice made me jump.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Here," he pulled out a stool, "you sit, I'll make coffee."

I blushed. "Sorry, Carlisle, I wasn't expecting anyone else to be up when I realized how late, er, early it is. I didn't wake you, did I?"

He smiled warmly. "No, dear, I'm just getting ready to go to the hospital. I'm working until noon and then I'm off for the next few days unless there's a catastrophic emergency."

My mouth dropped open in mock astonishment. "Dr. Cullen is taking time off? How will they ever survive? Should I alert the media?"

He looked over and growled playfully at me. "I've been trying to work less and take more holiday time off. I don't think they're overly pleased at the hospital, but the fact remains that I've spoiled them over the years at the expense of my family. I'm also considering retirement in the next few years, or at least going into private practice or going on volunteer missions with Médecins Sans Frontiers.

"Despite my youthful façade, I am not as young as I used to be." He grinned at me before winking.

I could have fallen into his dimples at that moment. Carlisle Cullen is the epitome of DILF, and you can take that as Doctor or Dad, I'd do him either way. I know, I know, it's totally inappropriate to lust after your child's grandfather, but I'd be lying if I said he hadn't crept into my fantasies over the years.

"Bella?"

"Hm?" I blushed when I realized he was watching me as I mused over his hotness. "Sorry, I drifted for a second."

Oh shit, here comes Dr. Cullen. "Are you okay? Do you think it was a seizure?"

"Pfft, no, Carlisle." I took my mug from his super-capable hands and poured some milk into the steaming liquid, watching the white swirl into the dark brown. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little frustrated. Everyone is always watching me, asking if I'm okay. I'm fine. I'll let you know when and if I'm not. I've been seizure-free since the hospital.

"I appreciate that everyone is concerned, I would be too if it was one of you, but everyone needs to step back and let me breathe."

Carlisle moved over and hugged me. "I'm sorry, Bella, it's just hard for me to turn off the doctor side of me and transition to the concerned father-figure. I'm just worried about you, and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I get scared."

I hugged him back and inhaled deeply. Carlisle still smelled like safety. Weird, I know, but being around him has always made me feel some level of safety and security, and I always associated it with his smell; a faint trace of antiseptic, soap, and cologne.

"Scared? Why?"

"Scared of losing you. Seeing you broken and near-death after the accident was terrifying. I wanted so badly to fix you, but I couldn't, and it was hard to relinquish that role to your doctors, and ultimately, to God."

He caught me rolling my eyes and frowned.

"What? I'm sorry, Carlisle, but I find my faith in God wavering from time to time. No loving and benevolent God would kill my baby and my parents and leave me to die."

"And yet," he said softly, "you went to the cemetery to speak to them. You must believe in something or else the cemetery would only be a place for their bones to rest and you wouldn't feel the need to speak to them."

"Do we really need to have this conversation right now, Carlisle? I'll be honest and say that I don't know what to believe anymore. If there is a God, he or she or it has a fucked up sense of humour or a strong sadistic side to constantly mess with me."

Carlisle hugged me again. "I'm sorry; you know how strongly I feel about faith."

I nodded against his chest.

"Can I make breakfast for you? I usually have a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit. I know it's not waffles, but it's at least edible and a great source of fiber. Old men like me need that." He winked at me as he pulled away. "You could use some meat on your bones too. Your radius and ulna are poking through."

I laughed at his doctor-speak. "Oatmeal sounds great. I need to take my pills too…shit."

"What is it?"

I rested my head on the countertop as I wracked my brain trying to think of where it might be. It wasn't in our room, so…God, it could be anywhere in this massive place. "I don't know where my bag is."

"I think Esme had it; maybe it's in the mudroom or in the foyer."

I hopped down from the stool and padded quietly out into the other room, and sure enough, my bag was there. I rummaged around until I found my bag of prescriptions and took them back to the kitchen. Reclaiming my stool, I set up my pill bottles and _reminder box_, one of those plastic day of the week trays that senior citizens use to remember when and if they took their medications. I hadn't had a chance to sort everything out before leaving the house, so now was as good a time as any to do it.

"Today's Thursday, right?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Oh shit, it's Thanksgiving, isn't it? That must be why I can smell turkey."

Carlisle laughed as he chopped up a mango. "Yup. Esme threw it in last night; you know her, she loves a slow-roasted bird."

By the time I had sorted out my pills and ingested my morning ones (and realized that I had missed ALL of my pills the day before), breakfast was ready. We sat at the table and ate in comfortable silence. Although he spoke more than my father did, the moments of quiet spent with Carlisle were almost as warm and wonderful as they had been with Dad. We would look up at each other and smile, yet utter no words. It was perfect.

After breakfast, I gathered up our dishes and rinsed them off before depositing them in the dishwasher. He kissed the top of my head and said goodbye before he left.

I looked at the clock. Five a.m. Now what? The sun wouldn't be coming up for a while and yet the sun porch was calling my name. I ran back up to our room and rummaged around until I found one of Edward's old hoodies. When I snuck over to give him a kiss, I found Bunny Fou Fou dangling off the edge of the bed, so I snagged him before planting a kiss on Edward's forehead.

The sun porch was cold, so I turned on the heat and retreated to the downstairs linen closet, where I dug around until I found some familiar blankets and quilts. When I dragged them all to the big wicker bowl chair, I made a nest with them and settled down with Bunny Fou Fou.

The last time I had been in this chair was with Edward and Emma the day of the accident. I rubbed the bunny's floppy, and well-worn ears under my nose as I thought back to that morning.

"_I wish you were coming," I whined as I nuzzled into his neck._

"_Beach!" Emma squealed from around the spout of her sippy cup._

"_I need to practice for my recital; otherwise I'd go with you guys in a heartbeat." He kissed my hair and tickled Emma's belly. "Do you really think I want to be away from my girls?"_

_Emma's giggles filled the room and I held her tighter to me. "Don't make her pee, Edward! We've been doing so good on the potty training lately. Emma, sweetie, how many oh-ohs did you have this week?"_

_Her face scrunched up for a second while she thought about it, then her face lit up as she held up four fingers. "TWO!"_

_Edward laughed as he gently bent her extra fingers down so she was holding up two. "There, baby, there's two."_

_She looked at her hand and frowned. "Oops. Sowwy."_

_He leaned in and kissed the top of her head. "Nothing to be sorry about, angel. Two oh-ohs is good. Maybe we can try for only one this week. Can you do your best?"_

_Her red hair bounced as she nodded her head. "Yup."_

"_That's my girl."_

_Edward pulled Emma up onto his lap and hugged her. "Who loves Emma?"_

_Emma giggled and poked at his nose. "Dada."_

_He smiled as he nodded. "Who else?"_

_I received a sharp poke to the neck. "Mama!"_

"_Who else?"_

_She thought about it for a moment. "Emmy, Nanas, Poppas, and BUNNY!"_

_Edward ended up with a mouthful of Bunny Fou Fou. "Yes," he choked out, "Mama, and Dada, Uncle Emmett and your Nanas and Poppas all love you."_

"_BUNNY!" she shrieked, hitting him with the bunny again. _

"_Yes, Bunny Fou Fou loves you too."_

"_Bobert, too."_

"_Yes, big zebra Robert also loves you," I added, pulling the giant monstrosity into our huddle._

"_Mm…" she hummed as she rubbed her face into his soft black and white body. "Wuv."_

_Edward smiled at me and pulled me closer as we watched our baby girl whisper to her favourite stuffed animals._

"Bella?"

I looked up and smiled. "Hi, baby. What're you doing up?"

Edward crawled into the chair and under the blankets with me. "Couldn't sleep anymore and you were gone. Have you been up for long?"

I leaned in for a kiss. "No, I got up at four. Carlisle got up around then to get ready for work, so we ate breakfast together. I thought I'd come chill out in the nest for a while."

"Mm…I don't blame you. I forgot how comfy this could be."

He started playing with the bunny's ears. "I remember the last time I sat here; it was the day of-"

I cut him off. "I know."

He sighed. "I wish I had gone with you that day. We would have been in a different car; things would have played out differently. They might…" he trailed off.

"We can't think like that, Edward. There's nothing we can do about it now, we need to focus on today and tomorrow. If we can get through today, chances are we'll get through tomorrow, and then the day after that and so on and so forth."

I moved beneath him, so we were facing each other on our sides. My fingers traced his facial features. "I'm extremely thankful," I said softly before gently brushing his lips with my own.

Edward rested a hand on my hips, pulling me closer to him as his lips moved with mine. When we pulled apart, he moved to kiss my jaw, my neck. "Why's that?"

I let out a quiet moan as his teeth grazed my earlobe. "Because you are here. Because I'm here. Because you stayed this time."

Shit, I shouldn't have said that. Edward froze as soon as the words passed my lips, his mouth stayed panting quietly just below my ear.

In a very sudden move, he had me pinned below him. "I told you, Bella, I'm not going anywhere."

His weight was delicious and his words reached deep into my soul. My mouth reclaimed his as I pushed up against him, and his hardness grinding against me pulled a moan from someplace deep inside of me; it didn't even sound human.

The wicker bowl chair creaked beneath us as we tangled our limbs in search of contact and friction. "Our room. We need to-"

I cut him off. "Yes, our room. Quick."

Edward jumped up and quickly threw me over his shoulder so he could sprint up the stairs. I hoped that we hadn't woken anyone up. It might be a little awkward if someone were to walk in on us. And I also hoped that he wouldn't suddenly remember the doctor-ordered embargo on sex.

The bed sunk below me slightly when Edward tossed me down. He stood before me, stripping out of his t-shirt and sweatpants. I bit my lip in anticipation of what was to come. It's been almost a month since I've felt him inside me and my girlie bits were crying out for him.

"The door! Lock the door!" I squeaked as I realized neither one of us had bothered to secure it. He ran back over to do it while I tore my clothes off as quickly as I possibly could and ogled his backside as he ran to the door. My brain might be compromised in some areas, but sexy multitasking was not one of them.

He ran back over and helped me with my bra before nudging me down onto the bed. Wasting no time at all, his hand went directly to Cooterville as his mouth latched onto my right breast. I cried out at the feeling of being suckled and fingered at the same time, then put a pillow over my face to muffle any further loud noises I would inevitably be making.

Edward pulled the pillow away and growled. "I want to watch you."

"Oh," I gasped before pulling his mouth to mine, taking his bottom lip between my teeth. "Need…you…inside…please…"

"As you wish," he said, shifting his position so he was pushing in.

Sweet delectable fullness and intense love took over and I felt myself getting lost in the moment. Every thrust he made felt like a promise to me, a vow not to leave.

"Bella, can't…hold on…"

I reached down and rubbed my clit while he continued to thrust into me. I could feel my orgasm building, but it just wouldn't…"Edward, go ahead…"

He punctuated each word with a thrust. "Not…until…you…oh God, I'm…sorry…" He cried out as he pulsed inside me, as I continued to try to bring myself to orgasm, but it wouldn't come, or rather, I couldn't come.

When he moved to pull out, I held him tighter to me. "Don't. Just for another minute."

I lay beneath his weight and panted with him as he descended from his release. This was a most interesting development; I've gone from being able to come with the barest of touch to…nothing.

"Did you?" he eventually managed to mutter.

Do I lie? Shit. "Uh, no, I didn't."

In one quick movement, he had pulled out and was looking down at me. "Really? You didn't?"

"No. I almost did, or so I thought, but then nothing. Weird, eh?"

He rolled over and covered us up. "Do you feel okay?"

I took mental stock of my body. "Um, yeah, I do, I just didn't…hmm…"

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to—"

Unable to bear him taking responsibility for this, I cut him off with a kiss. "It's not you, sweetie, I'm sure it's nothing. I still enjoyed it. It's been too long. I'm sure everything is fine."

He didn't look convinced, so I snuggled in closer to him to rest my head above his heart. "Not all women get off every time, baby."

I felt his fingers running through my hair. "Yeah, but you're not every woman, Bella, you come when I look at you."

A traitorous yawn prevented me from replying, and before I knew it, Edward was waking me. "Love, Mom said that she could use a hand in the kitchen if you're up for it."

"What time is it?"

"Noon."

I sat up quickly. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

"I had hoped to get a lot of the prep work done for Esme. Damn it. How did I manage to sleep for so long?"

Edward sat beside me and cupped my cheek. "You need rest when you're tired, love, and obviously you were in need of it. Mom's only just starting, and the girls are helping her too. I'm sure it would be okay if you slept a little longer if you need it."

I felt unnecessary and unwarranted anger boiling up and I didn't want to explode. I closed my eyes and began counting in my head until the feeling passed. Edward must have realized what I was doing because he remained silent and held my hand while I composed myself. When I felt it lift, I opened my eyes and smiled.

"Thanks, baby."

He leaned in for a kiss before helping me out of the bed. "You handled that well. It didn't take you long to push it back."

"I know, but I wish it hadn't happened in the first place."

"What set you off?"

I didn't feel like explaining myself to him, so I deflected his question by mumbling something about trying to find my clothes. When I was dressed, I smiled at him. "Come on, let's go see what services we can offer."

We walked hand-in-hand down the staircase and into an aromatic heaven.

* * *

**So? I suppose you're all doing the happy dance that the heartfail factor was a lot lower this time.**

**Sometimes I feel really bad for making so many of you cry. Let me tell you, though, I went through my own fair share of tissues after reading some of your review responses to the last chapter. Those of you who have little angels watching over you are strong, wonderful people and I have the utmost respect for your strength. I don't know if I would be as forthcoming and open to talk about such a profound loss. Your stories have made me weep and the photos have both broken my heart, and made me smile. Thank you for sharing your lives and loves with me. I am honoured.**

**107yearoldvirgin posted a wonderful review for Encore over on the Southern Fan Fiction Review. It made me cry too. You should go check it out and leave us both some love.  
http: // www DOT southernfanfictionreview DOT com/2010/05/encore-by DOT html **

**Sorry for the long A/N. It's about to get longer...I've started reading some pretty interesting (and intense) fics this week: **

**_Through the Flames_ by SparklingTwilight  
_C 5 6_ by ss10  
_The Red Line_ by WinndSinger  
****_Taken_ by sheviking **


	36. Chapter 36

**I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone..._Encore_ broke 1200 reviews after the last chapter. Yay!**

**Another massive thank you goes to my girls, my partners in crime, the incredible, lovely, and sometimes certifiably insane Katmom and Minnakoda. They take time out of their busy days to make this story make sense and look prettier. If you haven't read any of their work, you should go check them out.**

**I'm dedicating this chapter to the sweet Miss Mandy Pants because it's her birthday. AND because it's her birthday, you should go check out her story, "Moderately Mediocre," which is under her FF name, DreamersDaze.**

**Thanksgiving continues...

* * *

**

_**Edward**_

"Holy shit, that turkey smells good," Bella all but shouted when she entered the kitchen. "Crap, I said that really loud, didn't I? Oops." She shrugged. "Still smells good."

I watched as she made the rounds, giving everyone hugs and kisses before asking to be put to work.

Dad walked in behind me, clapping his hand on my shoulder. "Hi, Son."

"Hi, Dad. Er, could we...I mean, can I talk to you about something later? It's, er...um, personal."

He cocked his head and regarded me closely before turning to look at Bella. He raised an eyebrow when he looked back at me. I nodded.

"Just give me a couple of minutes, okay?" he asked quietly, before walking over to hug Mom and give her a hug and a kiss. The girls all sighed and batted their eyes, prompting Emmett and Jasper to cough loudly.

"We'll be...uh, out chopping wood. Come on, Jazz." Emmett grabbed Jasper's arm and dragged him toward the foyer. "Edward? Want to join us?"

"As tempting as it sounds to be around two axe-wielding men; I'll pass for now. I need to talk to Dad for a few minutes, but I'll join you after, okay?"

"Cool. Come on, Jazzy. I've even got a plaid jacket and steel-toed boots for you. We'll turn you into a north-western lumberjack yet."

I made my way over to Bella, who was ripping up bread for the stuffing. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I placed a kiss on her neck before whispering to her. "I'm going to hang out with Dad for a bit; I won't be far."

"Okay," she said, never taking her eyes off the bread. "Be good."

"Always."

Dad met me in his home office after he changed out of his hospital garb. "So, Son, what's going on? Is there something wrong with Bella?"

How do you talk to your father about sex? I mean, he knows we're all doing it, but it's never easy to bring it up. "Um, Dad, this is kind of weird but, well, Bella can't come."

"Come where?"

Oh God, shoot me now. "She's unable to reach orgasm."

"Oh...OH! Gotcha," he replied, blushing a little. "Um, well, not all women reach orgasm every time, Son. I thought you would have figured that out by now."

"It used to be that Bella could get off if I looked at her the right way. She said that after the accident she was highly sensitive and she was, trust me, I saw it. But she...uh, well, we had sex this morning and she couldn't...she was unable to...reach completion. She said that she felt it building, but it never crested.

"Should we be concerned about this? I mean, should we contact Dr. King when we get back?"

Dad sat on the edge of his desk and pondered it before answering. "Well, Son, was this your first time having intercourse since her most recent issues?"

I nodded.

"Perhaps she will be more, er, normal in this respect. Maybe something triggered the over-excited nerves to calm down."

"Maybe."

"I'd say hold off on telling Dr. King until you, um, until she...until you have more supporting evidence that this is, in fact, an issue."

I looked at my blushing father and chuckled. It was my turn to blush when he imparted a request of sorts as we left his office. "Please, um, refrain from frequent testing of this theory while you're here—I would hate for your mother to walk in on that; she had quite the scare this morning when she came upon your brother and Rosalie in a...er...very compromising position."

"Oh good lord," I groaned, "I'm surprised she didn't go blind."

"No, but she called me in a bit of a panic. She's very open-minded, hell, we both are, but it's one thing to know your kids are sexually active, and another to walk in on them when they're in reverse cowgirl."

The fact that I didn't drop dead in mortification at that very moment was a sure sign that miracles do happen. "How...what...?" Why does my father know the names of sex-positions?

"We're not prudes, Son. Now, why don't you go help the boys with the wood? I'm going to take a quick nap."

"Thanks for the talk, Dad."

I joined Emmett and Jasper out in the woodlot behind the house and wasn't surprised in the least to find that they were having a friendly wood-chopping competition.

"It's all about the down-swing, Jazzy, the more strength behind it, the better the cut."

Jasper, dressed like a small Paul Bunyan, leaned on the handle of his axe, a study in cool, as he watched my brother splitting logs. "Hmm," Jasper mused, "I beg to differ, Big Guy. It's not so much the force behind it, but the angle at which you strike it. My PawPaw always said that if you lined up your blade to the natural grain that it'll split properly every time AND make a cleaner cut. Observe."

I stood back and watched as the plaid-clad lad eyed the log before him, rotated it slightly, then lifted his weapon above his head. After a few seconds, he allowed it to fall, and sure enough, it cut through the wood like a hot knife through butter. The cut was clean.

"Well, I'll be damned," Emmett muttered. "Hey, Edward, give this a shot."

"Why me?"

"Cuz you're not nearly as strong as I am. Test out this theory. Come on."

"I'm not that weak, brother mine. You make me sound like a pansy."

He waved off my objection. "Whatever, Eddie. Just try it."

And so it went. The three of us spent an hour coming up with more efficient methods of splitting wood. By the time we had bored with it, a huge pile of wood perfect for the fireplace had been amassed. We loaded up a couple of wheelbarrows and pushed them up to the house.

"That should keep them in wood until Christmas," I said, smiling at our neatly stacked wood in the small shed beside the house.

Mom had made some cider while we were out and the girls had prepared a light lunch to tide us over until dinner. I watched them as they worked in the kitchen and couldn't help but smile at how easily they all got along. This felt right. This felt normal. I could live with this.

"Whatcha smilin' at, baby?" Bella asked as she sat beside me.

I pulled her closer and gave her a kiss. "You."

Her nose crinkled up as she picked at her sandwich. "Why me?"

"Well, not just you, I mean, I was thinking about how happy I am at this very moment."

I watched as her cheeks reddened a little. "I am too. It feels good, it feels real this time."

My heart swelled at the joy I saw in her eyes. "I love you, Bella; so very, very much."

Snuggling into my side, she sighed. "I love you too. I don't, however, love this sandwich, but I do love you."

I laughed. "What's wrong with your sandwich, love? What did it do to you?"

"I dunno," she mumbled as she picked at it. "Yours looks better."

"Ah, the sandwich is always greener on the other plate. Want to trade?"

Her head tilted so she could look at me, her brown eyes shining mischievously as she nodded. So, I switched lunches with her and sat silently as we ate the remainders quietly.

Bella yawned when we were finished and excused herself to go take a nap. I promised to join her in a little while—Mom had requested that I make my green bean casserole and I wanted to get it ready early so she could just pop it into the oven closer to dinnertime.

Although I knew it was inevitable, I wasn't prepared to find Bella where I did when I finally went upstairs.

_**Bella**_

I felt drawn to the closed door beside our room. For the first time in five years, I felt the need to open it, to look inside. It was probably one of the last nails that needed to be pounded into the proverbial coffin.

My hand shook as it neared the knob, steadying only when I grasped the cold glass ball. I took a couple of deep breaths, turned it, and tried to prepare myself for what would be waiting on the other side.

In the darkness I saw only shapes—I recognized her bed in its final stage of transition to her first, real, big girl bed. We were waiting for her third birthday to surprise her. The bureau was a hulking piece of wood, nestled against the wall beside me, and the little bit of natural light coming into the room acted as a spotlight on the rocking chair where we would read to her and rock her to sleep. Beside the rocking chair was a well-stocked bookcase filled with all of her favourite books; from _Alligator Pie_ to _Zackary Quack_.

Feeling daring, I flipped on the light and was pleasantly surprised to see that there wasn't a speck of dust in the room. Even when I opened the blinds, there were no dust particles trapped in the light or dust bunnies scampering across the brightly coloured, braided rug.

I moved over to her bookshelf and ran my fingers along the spines of the once well-loved books, laughing at the memory of reading her favourite ones over and over again. "Again, Mama," she'd demand. If you teased her and didn't comply immediately, she would pout and grumble while crossing her arms around her chest. "Bad Mama."

I pulled a couple of her favourites out and moved to sit in the rocker. I imagined my baby girl in my lap, giggling as I read Robert Munsch and Dr. Seuss to her. HER favourites were _Thomas' Snowsuit_, and _To Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street_. MY favourites were _Love You Forever_ and _Oh the Places You Will Go._ Everyone teased me about loving the first one because it is essentially kind of creepy—it's a story about a mother sneaking into her grown son's bedroom at night to rock and sing him to sleep; the sentiment, however, is sweet. I loved singing it to Emma.

_I'll ____love you forever__,___

_I'll like you for always,___

_As long as I'm living my baby you'll be._

My feet pushed the chair back and forth, back and forth, as I relived the cherished memories and sang the song quietly to myself. I didn't cry; I mean, it hurt, but it was a different pain now—it didn't feel like it would crush me, it was more of a dull thud; a reminder of an injury you once had, that never lets you forget. It's not unpleasant, it just...it just is.

Esme must come up here an awful lot to clean for this room to be in such pristine condition. I hope she doesn't feel as if she has to keep it as a shrine to our fallen angels. Having this room stuck in time like a museum, must feel uncomfortable at times. I know that I couldn't face it all the time.

Maybe it's time for us to take it down. Keep some of the stuff for future grandchildren, but change the room around so it's no longer Emma's room exclusively.

"Bella?"

I looked up and smiled when I saw Edward. "Hi, baby," I replied softly.

"What's up?" He moved closer, but did so slowly, tentatively.

"Just remembering, thinking." I laughed a little. "You can come closer; I'm okay."

I heard him exhale and watched his stance relax. He probably figured I would be a mess. I don't blame him—I've been pretty volatile in the emotion department lately.

After a brief pause, he moved over to the chair. I stood up and motioned for him to sit, then crawled onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. My lips found his cheek and I smiled against it and sighed. "I think it's time, Edward."

"Time for what, love?"

"I think if Esme's okay with it, I think we should dismantle the room, give away some things, and maybe put other stuff away for the next grandbaby. Your parents don't need a constant reminder; a house is no place for a shrine."

He was quiet as we rocked. I watched his eyebrows move as he worked through what I had just proposed. "Yeah," he finally whispered, "I think you're right. Maybe, if Mom agrees, we can do it while we're here this week and save her from doing it herself."

I squeezed him, and placed another kiss on his cheek. "That sounds good."

We were quiet again as we moved back and forth, back and forth; the only noise in the room was the sound of the chair creaking as we rocked. It was soothing and I soon found myself drifting off to sleep.

Edward woke me later with a kiss. "Dinner will be ready soon. Did you want to shower first?"

"Mm...yeah," I groaned, stretching out on the bed. The bed? How did I get here? "I know I didn't fall asleep here."

He smiled as he traced the worry lines on my forehead. "I carried you. My ass fell asleep after sitting in the chair for so long and I wanted to lie down too. So, about that shower...do you want to be ecological about it? Conserve some water?"

My body shivered violently as he ran his nose along my jaw until he reached my ear. "Mm...m'okay," I mumbled as I pulled his face to mine for a kiss. "For some reason, though, I think we use more water this way than if we showered so-LO!" I yelped a little on the last syllable when he tweaked my left nipple.

"Come on, we need to be quick. They'll get suspicious and poor Mom might walk in on another unsightly scene."

I moved to the edge of the bed and pulled off my shirt. "What do you mean?"

"She busted Rose and Em in a, how did Dad put it? Compromising situation?"

"Oh lord, yeah, let's hurry."

We ran to the en suite bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind us like some perverted play on the crumb trail left by Hansel and Gretel. I turned on the water while Edward peed, then we hopped in. Edward's hands slid all over my wet skin, causing me to moan like a cat in heat. His erection was sandwiched between us and I swear I could feel it trying to lead him to my wetlands like some phallic divining rod. I grabbed it and gave him a couple of quick pumps before pulling him down to sit on the bench. He stared at me hungrily and pulled my hips toward him. I straddled him and slowly lowered myself, earning a sexy groan from him. It was hard not to smile as I watched his facial reactions to my movements, but then I became overwhelmed and buried my face in his neck to muffle the embarrassing noises I was making.

I rode him slowly at first, trying to get a hip rotation in on the down stroke, but then necessity spoke up and I threw any hope of wowing him with technique out the window as I bucked on him like a bull rider. The harder I slammed myself down on him, the harder he grunted, but the further away I seemed to be from that dizzying high I was looking for.

Edward's hand moved between us as he began to rub me. "Bella, I'm going to come. Are you...shit...almost there?"

I increased my pace and tried to grasp onto the fleeting feeling of euphoria, but it wasn't there anymore. It was gone. Fuck it. "Just let go, Edward," I panted in his ear. "Come for me."

I felt his body stiffen as he thrust once, twice more, then two small grunts as he spilled in me.

"Bella? Did you?"

There was no point in lying to him. He knew my body better than anyone else. "No."

"I'm sorry," he said, sighing. Of course he'd think it was his fault.

"Not your fault, we'll figure it out." I tried to reassure him. Really though, I was worried that funtimes in Cooterville were gone for good.

**Edward**

Bella didn't get off, again. She put on a brave face and smiled, reassuring me that everything was fine, but it wasn't fine. This was something we'd have to discuss later, for now it was time for turkey.

We dressed and went down for dinner. The table was set with Mom's best finery: antique silverware, heirloom china, even her beloved gravy boat, which RARELY saw the light of day. There was more food than we could ever hope to consume in a month, although I had worked up an appetite and Emmett was stealing carrots as they waited for us.

"Sorry," I said, ducking down to give Mom a kiss on the cheek. "Wow, this looks amazing."

"Mm...it sure does," Bella added.

Dad walked into the dining room and smiled. "Let's sit. The food is getting cold; although I highly doubt that will be a deterrent."

We gentlemen all pulled the chairs out for our beloved women, then sat down ourselves. Dad remained standing, and taking the glass of wine before him, he held it, looking down at it as he composed his thoughts.

"Today is Thanksgiving, a day to remember and a day to give thanks for the many blessings in our lives. This year, more so than others, we actually have some truly extraordinary things to be thankful for."

He turned toward Esme. "My darling wife, I am more thankful every year for each moment you are with me. My love for you grows even greater with every passing day. I have been blessed by your patience and your loving nature."

We all raised our glasses and toasted my mom before Dad turned to Alice and Jasper. "I am thankful for you, Alice and Jasper, for looking after our precious girl all these years; for being there for her on the dark days and bringing light back into her life."

Again, we raised our glasses in their direction.

"Rosalie, I am eternally grateful that you tamed our bear and have loved him, cared for him, and lifted his soul and spirits when we didn't realize he needed it.

"Emmett, I am thankful for your tenacious spirit and your unfaltering love. You are a gentle soul and I am blessed to call you my son. Your ability to forgive and support those who need it when you're barely able to stand on your own feet is a testament to the man that you are."

We raised our glasses to the couple, most of us with tears in our eyes.

"Edward, my youngest son, I am thankful that you found your missing half, that the spark is back in your eyes and for the first time in years, your will to live has returned. I know it's been hard, but you stuck with it and I am thankful to have you back.

"Bella..." It was at this moment that Dad choked up, visibly emotional, "our dear, sweet, Bella. I am thankful, so thankful that you..." he broke down and Mom rushed to his side, holding him. "I'm sorry."

We all sat there with tears in our eyes, watching him crumble. It was really easy to see that he was struggling, so Mom spoke up. "Bella, dear, I think Carlisle is thankful that you're back. He loves you so very much, as do I. I am also thankful to have all of my babies back and am thrilled to welcome three more into the fold."

Emmett stood, his face wet with tears. "I'm thankful to have Belly back, and I'm even more relieved to have my baby brother back." He cleared his throat before smiling at Alice and Jasper. "Now I have another brother and sister to add to that...and cool ones too. Thanks so much for taking care of Baby Girl for us.

"Most of all, I'm thankful for my Rosie." He looked down at her lovingly, tenderness in his eyes. "Rosie, babe, you are the most amazing creature on this planet and I am thankful for every fucking minute of every fucking day that you, for some ungodly reason, can find it in you to love me the way that you do."

Rose stood and kissed my brother, then whispered an I love you against his lips. "I am thankful that we found each other, Emmett--you opened my eyes and my heart to something I never expected to find. I'm thankful that my twin finally popped the question to Alice, and I am beyond grateful that I was able to see Bella find her heart, forgive him, and breathe for the first time."

She looked at my parents and smiled. "I'm so incredibly blessed that you two saw fit to fall in love and create this beautiful creature sitting beside me. Thank you for raising him to be the incredible man that he is."

Alice popped up next. "What I want to say isn't so much something I'm thankful for—it's more of an apology and if it's accepted, I'll be thankful. Does that work?"

Everyone chuckled and nodded.

"Edward," she looked at me as she spoke. "I owe you a HUGE apology. I had no right to doubt you, your love of Bella, and...well, I shouldn't have meddled the way that I did. All I ever wanted was for Bella to be happy, and it's easy to see now that you make her happier than anyone else can. So, I'm sorry for being a meddlesome pixie.

"That goes for you too, Bella. I'm sorry, and I hope that you can forgive me."

I stood and walked over to Alice and gave her a hug. "Thank you, Alice. I forgive you, although there's really nothing to forgive. You were just trying to protect our girl."

Alice wiped her eyes when I released her to Bella's awaiting arms. They whispered to each other then laughed quietly.

Jasper cleared his throat. "I am thankful that after all we've been through recently, that we are all here, safe and sound, under one roof, and right now, I can't think of any other place I'd rather be. I am thankful for each and every one of you and the role you play in my life. Even you, Esme and Carlisle."

Bella was next. "There are too many things that I am thankful for; I'm like a cornucopia, overflowing with blessings. For the first time in years, I have an overabundance of things to be happy about, and the biggest one is being here with each one of you; my family. After everything that's happened, I feel incredibly blessed that you're still here with me, still by my side."

I stood beside her, laced my fingers through hers, and raised her hand to place a kiss on her knuckles. "I am thankful for each of you and for second chances."

In my free hand, I raised my glass. "To family."

Dinner was incredible. The food was out of this world and the conversation remained light and amiable throughout; a nice change from the emotional weight of our Thanksgiving speeches.

We men cleared the table and did the clean-up as was customary in the Cullen household. The ladies retreated to the living room and by the sounds of it, Alice was trying to get a group together to go shopping in the morning. I hoped they wouldn't coerce Bella into going; it would likely be too much for her.

"Hearing anything good, Son?" Dad asked from behind me.

I hadn't realized that I was standing by the door drying the same pot over and over. "Oh, no, something about the girls going shopping tomorrow."

Jasper groaned. "I don't make enough money to survive Black Friday. I think I need a new job."

Emmett clapped him on the back. "Maybe you need to stop selling porn and start making it?"

The pot in my hand slipped and clattered to the floor, prompting my brother to roar with laughter. "Oops, sorry, Edward. I forgot about your virgin ears."

Said virgin ears were turning bright red as I bent over to pick up the pot. As I did so, I flipped him the bird.

"Oh, Eddie's mad," he taunted.

My dishtowel thwacked his ass and he yelped. "Dad! Make him stop!"

"Enough, boys. Edward, why don't you go play for the ladies while we finish up? That is, if your fingers are feeling up to it."

I nodded, setting down the pot and thanking him as I left the room. Mom smiled when she saw me walking toward the piano, prompting the others to all look in my direction. I have to say, though, as soon as I saw Bella's smile it was the only thing in the room on which I could focus.

My fingers ached at the thought of playing, but I knew once I warmed up, I'd be okay. I ran a few scales before looking at Mom and playing _Canon in D_ for her. It was one of the first pieces I learned because I knew it made her happy.

Alice asked if I would play something for her, so I played some Tori Amos, then a beautiful song that Bella had introduced me to—Down by Jason Walker.

_I don't know where I'm at._  
_I'm standing at the back,_  
_And I'm tired of waiting_

_Waiting here in line,_  
_Hoping that I'll find_  
_What I've been chasing_

_I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try?_  
_I know I'm gonna fall down_  
_I thought I could fly,_  
_So why did I drown?_  
_You never know why_  
_It's coming down, down, down_

I was surprised at this point, when Alice began singing the female harmony; our voices melding perfectly. Everyone gathered around the grand piano while we sang.

_Not ready to let go_  
_Cause then I'll never know_  
_What I could be missing_

_But I'm missing way too much_  
_When do I give up_  
_What I've been wishing for?_

_I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try?_  
_I know I'm gonna fall down_  
_I thought I could fly,_  
_So why did I drown?_  
_You never know why_  
_It's coming down, down, down_

_Oh, I'm going down, down, down_  
_I can't find another way around_  
_And I don't wanna hear the sound_  
_Of losing what I've never found_

_I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try?_  
_I know I'm gonna fall down_  
_I thought I could fly,_  
_So why did I drown?_  
_I'll never know why_  
_It's coming down, down, down_

After we finished singing and dealing with the gushing and applause from the others, Emmett approached me with my old guitar and smiled.

"Play Baby Girl's song?"

"I'll try. We'll see how my hand feels." I hadn't touched a guitar since before Halloween and there was a huge difference between making the piano sing and doing the same with a guitar. "You sing it, though."

He grinned and Bella squealed as she clapped her hands in anticipation.

This would likely hurt, but I knew Bella loved this song when we were kids. I tuned the guitar and began plucking the opening notes. Rose and Alice joined Bella on the squealing until Emmett began to sing.

_Why are there so many_  
_Songs about rainbows_  
_And what's on the other side_  
_Rainbows are visions_  
_They're only illusions_  
_And rainbows have nothing to hide_  
_So we've been told and some chose to_  
_Believe it_  
_But I know they're wrong, wait and see_

_Someday we'll find it_  
_The Rainbow Connection_  
_The lovers, the dreamers and me_

My brother has an incredible voice when he uses it for good instead of evil. To imagine a voice so ethereal and pure, so sweet coming from the man who prides himself on farting and burping, well, it's a bit of a contradiction.

As my stiff fingers danced across the strings, I watched Bella's eyes tear up while Emmett sang to her. He helped her to her feet and they danced around the room, just as they had when we were kids. Jasper extended a hand to Alice and they joined in. Before I knew it, they were all swirling around the room dancing and singing.

_Who said that every wish_  
_Would be heard and answered_  
_When wished on the morning star_  
_Somebody thought of that_  
_And someone believed it_  
_And look what it's done so far_  
_What's so amazing_  
_That keeps us star gazing_  
_What do we think we might see?_

_Someday we'll find it_  
_That Rainbow Connection_  
_The lovers, the dreamers and me_

Bella grabbed Rose's arm and encouraged her to dance with Emmett, then made her way over to me and kissed my cheek as we watched them.

_Have you been half asleep_  
_And have you heard voices_  
_I've heard them calling my name_  
_Are these the sweet sounds that called_  
_The young sailors_  
_I think they're one and the same_  
_I've heard it too many times to ignore it_  
_There's something that I'm supposed to be_

_Someday we'll find it_  
_The Rainbow Connection_  
_The lovers, the dreamers and me_

Rose requested some Jason Mraz, so I played I'm Yours and stared at Bella while I sang it.

Mom sat on the piano bench with me and whispered that she wanted to play something and that I could join in whenever I wanted, if I wanted. I watched her slender fingers rest on the keys before she began playing a favourite of hers, The Rose. I joined in and we played a duet while everyone sang along.

I looked up, smiling at how everyone was somehow connected as they serenaded us and for a brief moment entertained the thought of us becoming the next Von Trapp family and going on tour-- until Emmett farted. It was at that unfortunate moment that all dreams of the Cullen world tour went out the window on a flatulent rush of air.

Everyone stopped singing and stared at him.

"Hey, don't blame me, it was the stuffing."

* * *

**Thanksgiving dinner is over, the family is enjoying some quality family time, and Emmett is farting.  
Sounds like the perfect Thanksgiving to me. :)**

**I love to hear what you're thinking, so drop me a line and let me know. I'm on Facebook too, under Leelan Oleander. If you are under 18, I'm sad to say that I can't approve you.**

**So, since The Red Line owned me most of this week, and I recc'ed it last week, I only have one for you this week:**

**_Let Your Mercy Fall on Me_ by Robicorn **

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http: // gigglesnortawards (dot) mmmboptastic (dot) com/vote (dot) php **


	37. Chapter 37

**It's Thursday again, and time to catch up with the continuing angst of the _Encore_ gang.**

**The angst level is mild to moderate.**

**Big thanks to Katmom for her beta prowess, and a HUGE HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Minna, whose b-day is on the weekend. I *heart* you fiercely, Minna, and can't thank you enough for all the time you spend reading, leaving snarky and wonderful comments, and making this story what it is.**

**

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

Alice managed to wrangle together a crew for going shopping in Port Angeles and taking advantage of the sales. Even Carlisle agreed to go with them, which seemed a little odd—that is, until he winked at Edward and me before he retired the night before. I think maybe this is their way of giving us some space.

It was nice waking up to a quiet house. Well, it was sort of quiet; Edward was snoring beneath me. How he managed to sleep with my weight draped over him all night, I don't know, but he always pulled me back when I tried to disengage myself from him.

I watched fascinated as he groped blindly for me and frowned after I got up and out of the bed. Thankfully, he didn't wake; he looked so tired that I didn't have the heart to wake him up. As soon as I was able to get to my feet, I threw on some clothes and headed downstairs. My stomach was rumbling and the only thing I could think about was a day-after-Thanksgiving-turkey-and-stuffing sandwich. It was a tradition that Emmett had started years ago, and I had faithfully carried it on.

There was a note on the dark marble countertop with my name on it.

_Bellabooger,_

_Open the fridge—you didn't think that I forgot, did you?_

_Love and junk,_

_Captain Emmett Awesome Cullen_

I squealed when I saw what was waiting for me in the fridge. Lo and behold it was the mother lode—an original Emmett stuffing sandwich. My stomach gurgled and my mouth watered in anticipation of what was to come. Grabbing the plate and some milk from the fridge, I hip-checked it shut and moved to the counter. Plunking my butt down on a stool, I ripped the cellophane off the plate as fast as I possibly could, and marveled at the little piece of heaven on the pale green plate. Between two slices of bread was butter, turkey, stuffing, and ketchup—extra ketchup, actually. The damn thing was almost drowning in it, just the way I liked it.

My first bite was near orgasmic, which made me sad. Near-orgasmic seemed to be about as close as I could get. Maybe I should talk to Carlisle about that. God, I hope the happy spot in Cooterville wasn't broken.

Mm…stuffing. There is something ultimately satisfying and potentially morally wrong with this sandwich: it's bread, potato, and turkey squished between two more slices of bread. Hello, carbs!

"I can't understand how you can stand to eat that in the morning."

My mouth was full as I mumbled a good morning to Edward. He laughed at me before using his thumb to wipe some ketchup from the corner of my mouth.

I held up the sandwich. "Wanna bite?"

He shook his head. "No, God, no. I don't know how you can eat that monstrosity. I think I'll have more traditional breakfast fare." He moved to the fridge. "Yes, an omelet looks like a good idea to me."

"Last chance, Edward—I'm saving a bite for you."

"Nope, no thanks. I'm fine."

"You're such a breakfast prude," I teased, scrunching my nose at him and his omelet.

We were quiet for a while; I ate and read the paper while he cooked. It was nice, easy, even. He didn't speak again until he sat down.

"So, what do you want to do today?"

"Mm, I don't know. Maybe go for a drive? It's been four years since I've been here; I'm sure some things must have changed. Maybe we could take a drive to La Push?"

Edward smiled. "That sounds great."

We fell back into a comfortable silence as we finished our food. Edward would look up at me through his mop of bronze hair and grin, then look back down at his plate.

I couldn't help but laugh; this was MY Edward. This was the playful and shy boy I fell in love with so long ago. I smiled at him, batted my eyes a little and then turned back to the paper.

Next thing I knew, I could feel his foot rubbing gently up my leg. When I looked at him, his eyes weren't playful, they were lustful, and all I could think about was him laying me out on the smooth, cold marble of the countertop. I cocked an eyebrow at him and then looked down at the counter.

His mouth opened and his eyes grew huge. "Really?"

I nodded.

"We eat here!"

"We can sanitize it after."

He chuckled as he cleared his dishes. "That takes all the fun out of it."

"Not necessarily," I said, folding the paper and grabbing my plate to put it in the dishwasher. I looked over and found Edward rummaging around in the cupboard below the sink. "What're you doing?"

Edward stood up, holding a jug of bleach and a cloth. "Getting prepared for clean up. Now, drop your pants and hop up."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I actually think my undies hit the floor before he finished speaking. I tried to hop gracefully and seductively onto the countertop, but being me, I ended up looking like a spastic moron. Edward approached me, placed his hands on my bare hips and his lips on mine. We kissed deeply as he lifted me up and stood between my legs.

"Thanks," I breathed against his cheek as I gasped for air. Between the heated kiss and the freezing cold marble under my ass, I was breathless.

"Lay back, love," he whispered as his teeth grazed my earlobe. "I'm not done with my breakfast."

All oxygen left my lungs as he moved down and pressed his face into me. His tongue ran lazily up and down my slit, barely getting beyond the silky surface of my lips, until finally he dove in, his tongue penetrating the gates of Cooterville as his nose brushed against my clit.

"Oh, Jesus, Edward," I cried out. "Keep going!"

His mouth moved up to suck on my fun button, while he toyed with me, using his fingers. He dipped them in and out, but just barely. If it hadn't been for the fact that I was paying more attention to his mouth, I might have yelled at him.

I felt the wave beginning to build as I panted harder and harder. I was almost afraid to hope that maybe this time I'd actually get to ride the surging tidal wave of pleasure to the shore after wiping out the last two tries. The turbulence increased as my eyes rolled back in my head at the delicious friction Edward was providing. I could feel his fingers stretching me, curling and twisting inside me, and yet he continued to ravage me with his mouth.

God bless my multitasking man.

Before I understood what was happening, I found myself blinded by the sweet pleasure of my long-lost orgasm. "Sweet merciful Jebus!" I cried out, or at least I think that's what I said.

The vibrations from Edward's chuckle between my legs sent me careening over again, and I know for a fact there's no way I said anything remotely coherent. I could have been speaking Swahili for all I knew or cared.

I may have drifted off to La La Land on the comedown because I didn't notice that Edward had pulled down his pants and was impaling me.

"God, Bella…I…I can't…"

When I looked at him, I smiled. "Then don't. Don't wait for me, I'm beyond good."

"Thank…" he grunted as he picked up his pace, "...you."

I squeezed my pelvic muscles, hoping to help him along and I am fairly certain it worked because four erratic thrusts and a long string of profanities later, he finally let out a cry and came deep inside me.

Is it weird that I love the feel of his cock pulsing in me? If I voiced this aloud, would people think ill of me? I'm not sure why I do, but I do. I think it's the intimacy of him pouring himself into me, the little flutters as he spills. Maybe I should talk to Alice and Rose about it.

"Bella?" Edward was looking at me, worriedly.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

My God, if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that, I'd be even wealthier than I already am. "Um, you tell me, Edward—I had two mind-blowing orgasms; do you think I'm okay?"

He looked away and sighed. Shit, Snarkarella's back.

I reached a hand up to pull his face back to mine. I kissed him and smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so snarky. I'm great, sweetie. That was awesome. I, uh, guess we know that I'm not completely defective down there," I said, wiggling my hips beneath him.

Edward smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess you're right. So," he looked down at the counter, "we should probably clean this up. There's…there's a mess."

I groaned when he removed himself from me, and watched as he pulled up his pants from where they had pooled around his ankles. Like the gentleman he is, he helped me up and then down onto solid ground. I swayed a little, still somewhat out of sorts after my mind-blowing orgasms, but he caught me. I grabbed my pants and pulled them up as I surveyed the damage. Mess was right. When did I get so…sloppy?

"Sorry," I mumbled as I began wiping it up. Edward snickered beside me as he poured bleach on the countertop.

"So, after we shower and get dressed, do you want to go for that drive?"

I yawned loudly. "Maybe we can nap first?"

Edward finished cleaning things up, then motioned for me to hop onto his back. He piggybacked me up to our room and deposited me on the bed. I wasn't long falling into a deep, dreamless slumber.

* * *

_**Edward**_

Bella fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Although I worried that she tired so easily, my father and Dr. King both assured me that it was normal. I decided to shower while she slept so we'd be that much closer to being able to go out when she woke up.

Even after I washed up and changed into something clean, she remained out cold. Rather than wake her, I gathered up our dirty clothes and made my way downstairs to do some laundry and put something together for lunch.

It felt nice to putter around the house. This was one of the first times in years that I hadn't totally dreaded being here. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and spending time with them, it's just that there were too many ghosts here and it was hard. Now that one of my ghosts was actually among the living, it made it that much easier.

After putting the laundry in the dryer, I made coffee and went to sit out on the deck. It was pleasant outside, at least by Forks standards. It wasn't quite sunny and it wasn't raining, so really, it was perfect—for a sparkly vampire.

I snorted into my coffee as I thought about the movie Em had dragged me out to see about fangless, sparkly vampires. The premise was ridiculous, and the main guy was entirely too broody; I mean who is that possessive and overprotective? Really? I had to admit, though, that the leading lady was exceptionally beautiful and I was taken with the love story.

The breeze was cool against my face, so I pulled up the neck of my cream-coloured fisherman knit sweater, and wrapped my hands around my coffee mug, lifting it so that I could feel its warmth and lose myself in the rich aroma.

Birds were chattering in the woods as the wind blew their roosts back and forth. The rustling leaves charmed me into a trance, and it felt amazing to lose myself in the sounds of nature. Seattle was okay, but nothing beat the natural symphony in Forks.

I'm not sure how long I was out there; I suppose time is irrelevant while on vacation. By the time I snapped out of my daze, my feet were freezing and my coffee was gone. It was Bella's worried voice that brought me back to the moment.

"Edward?"

She likely couldn't see me and was probably wondering where I was. I got up and walked back in. "Hi, love. Miss me?" I moved toward her and watched as her unease seemed to lift.

"Yeah. Why'd you let me sleep so long?"

"You were too cute, all curled up. I didn't have the heart to wake you up. Lunch is ready if you're hungry."

Bella stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss my nose. "Sounds good. What did you make?"

"I figured you were sick of turkey, so I made a couscous salad and found a couple of salmon steaks."

I watched as her eyes glazed over and then as she wiped her mouth. "I think I drooled a little," she said, smirking. "How did you do the salmon?"

"With lemon and dill. I hope it's okay. I was being presumptuous."

"No, no, it's perfect. Let's eat! I'm famished."

I chuckled as Bella moaned her approval around mouthfuls of food. "Oh, God, Edward, it's perfect. You have such a sensitive…what's the fancy word that they use for people who can…have advanced taste buds…palate! You have a great palate. Everything is seasoned perfectly. You, sir, are going to make a fat and happy woman of me yet."

My heart soared. I wanted nothing more than to have the chance to fatten my girl up.

"What're you smiling about?"

"You."

The blush I loved so much began creeping up her cheeks as she ducked her head down, pretending to focus on picking up a chick pea with her fork.

"Don't hide from me, Bella. Why are you blushing?"

Her head shook slightly. Very quietly, she uttered two words that made me laugh so hard I thought I would piss my pants. "R…repeat…repeat that pppplease!"

Bella looked up at me, pouting. "I'm shy, Edward. I said that I'm fucking shy. Why is that so funny?"

It took me a few minutes to compose myself. "I honestly struggle to think of many, if any, moments when you have been shy, especially around me. My God, I'm mayor of Cooterville! There's nothing to hide from me, I've seen, done, and tasted it all."

Her eyes grew huge, her mouth opened, and she gasped. I wondered if she was going to hit me, but instead she laughed. It was a long string of belly laughs and I couldn't help but join in.

"M…mayor of…Coo…Cooterville? Oh, baby…that's precious!" She stood up and walked over to me, planting herself in my lap. "You're just too precious for words."

I nuzzled her neck while she calmed down. "Wanna get out of here?"

"Yeah, your Mayorship, let's go for a drive."

* * *

_**Bella**_

Mayor of Cooterville? Oh my lord, I thought I'd never stop laughing. That statement was so utterly un-Edward that I actually had to double-check my memory of the moment to be sure that he really said it. It was such an Emmett thing to say.

Even now as we drive through downtown Forks, I can't help but giggle. He keeps shooting strange looks at me but I'm pretty sure he knows what I'm laughing about.

"Slow down, Edward?" I asked as I looked out my window. The town hadn't changed all that much. The people, however, had. I spotted several familiar faces on the sidewalk, or at least they looked somewhat familiar.

"Edward? Is that Mr. Varner?" I said as I noticed a man walking slowly down the street with a familiar-looking woman. The man's limbs were twitching and jerking as they made their way down the sidewalk.

He looked and nodded. "Mr. Varner was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease two years ago. I guess it must be progressing quickly; he wasn't nearly as jerky last time I saw him."

"Is that Mrs. Cope with him?"

Edward smiled warmly before he responded. "Mrs. Cope and Mr. Varner have been friends for a long time and when Mr. Cope passed away three years ago, Mr. Varner stepped in and supported her. It's really quite sweet. They're inseparable."

"But Mrs. Cope is such an angel and he was always such a jerk. I don't understand—how?"

"I think Mrs. Cope opened him up. Can you imagine teaching biology to a group of horny, disrespectful teenagers when all you have to go home to is an empty house and TV dinners?"

"Can we please stop? I want to say hi."

"Sure."

He pulled into the first available parking spot and we walked back to where the couple was slowly making their way down the sidewalk.

"Hi, Mrs. Cope, Mr. Varner," I said nervously.

Mrs. Cope stopped in her tracks, thus halting Mr. Varner with her. "Isabella? Is that…? Oh my word! Look, Doug, it's Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen!"

Before I knew what was happening, she had embraced me and I was suffocating in her ample bosom. "Oh, Bella, dear, it's so good to see you after…" She choked up, cleared her throat, then stood back to look me over. "You look amazing, sweetie. Are you home for long?"

Home. Hm…is Forks my home? "We're here for a week, Mrs. Cope. And speaking of looking wonderful, you look amazing! Are you still at the school? Still pulling penises out of zipper teeth?"

"Hey, now," Edward protested. "We weren't going to discuss that."

Mrs. Cope moved to hug Edward. "Oh, quit it, Edward. Yours wasn't the first one I've had to free from the metal teeth of a pair of Levis."

Mr. Varner extended a hand to me. It jerked and twitched until I grabbed it and held it.

"Thanks, Ms. Swan," he said, blushing, "I'm a little…"

I smiled warmly at him and moved in closer to speak quietly to him. "If anyone understands what it's like to lose control, sir, it's me. Don't ever apologize or make excuses, at least not to me."

He smiled and squeezed my hand. "Thank you, Ms. Swan."

"Call me Bella, sir. School's out."

"So, Bella, how're things going? What have you been up to? You sort of…disappeared," Mrs. Cope asked as she moved back to Mr. Varner's side.

"Well, I went to UW and completed my BA, and I'm doing my graduate studies now."

"Oh, what's your area of specialty, dear?"

I looked at Mr. Varner and chuckled. "I can assure you, Mr. Varner, that it's not biology. We both know that it wasn't my forte."

We all laughed before I continued. "I'm doing creative writing."

I waited for them to tut-tut and tell me that I should pursue something more lucrative, but they didn't. Mr. Varner smiled and raised a shaky hand at me. "Good for you, Bella. Never settle for anything that doesn't make you happy. I'm sure that people give you grief over your choice, don't they?"

"Yes, sir."

"Tell them to sod off, dear. It's nobody's business but your own. And you, Mr. Cullen, your father mentioned that you were studying music education."

"Yes, sir," Edward said as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I couldn't help but notice Mrs. Cope wiping a tear from her eye.

"You'll be a good teacher, Son. How do I know this? Because you were a good student-most of the time—and you understand the meaning of respect."

I saw Mr. Varner's body began to seize and twitch and it wasn't hard to see that he was in great discomfort. "I hate to end this reunion so abruptly, but I need to sit. Best of luck to you both, and Bella, it is truly wonderful to see you thriving. You are by and far a lot stronger than you appear."

Hugs and handshakes were exchanged before we left them to continue on to their destination. Edward took my hand in his and smiled over at me. "That was nice."

"Mm…yeah. Poor Mr. Varner, though. I'm surprised at his attitude; he'd been such a grouch when we were in his class. He seems…human now." I ran my hands through my hair and sighed at the memory of seeing him like that.

"Well, love, like you, he had to make a decision; let his situation break him or build him up. He chose the latter. Dad told me that he tutors kids at the hospital and at a group home, not to mention he is also running a reading program at the nursing home."

"Mr. Varner?"

"Yes, love."

I hugged Edward before we got to the car. "That's truly amazing."

He leaned down to kiss my nose. "And so are you. So, where to next?"

"I'd like to stop by the police station and see if any of the guys still work there."

"Really?"

I opened my door and spoke before taking my seat. "Yes, really. Why?"

He shrugged. "I thought it might be too hard."

We sat in the car and closed the doors before I replied. "If Mr. Varner can read to old folks without making them quake in fear, and if he can live a better life with the hand he was dealt, I can face the boys at the station."

He smiled as he started the car. "Okay, then, let's go see the boys in blue."

* * *

_**Edward**_

As hard as it was for me to agree to the visit to the station, I knew I had to really start listening to her, trusting her to know what she can and can't handle. I knew she was nervous, I could feel it in her hand as she gripped mine snugly. I kissed it before we got out of the car and walked hand-in-hand toward the station. I released her reluctantly as the first of her father's former co-workers approached her. It didn't take long for the men, friends of her father's, and by extension, a band of father figures for her, to rush forward and embrace her.

I decided to stand back and let her visit with them. The three men on duty all knew her well, and were beyond happy to see her.

The last time I had seen them was probably at the funeral or maybe at the hospital before I left for Alaska. Bella would have been moved at the show for the funeral. Officers from as far away as Seattle were in attendance, and offered Charlie a full hero's burial, even though he wasn't on duty at the time of his death. They even gave an honour guard for Renee and Emma. I can still see the four uniformed officers carrying my baby's tiny casket into the church, and then to the cemetery.

The finer details of that day were lost to me, I was too lost in my grief, and you know, I'm just as glad—I don't want to remember everything. Hell, I didn't want to remember anything.

"Edward?"

I blinked hard and came back to the moment. "Yes, love?"

"You okay? You're looking a little lost," she said, smiling at me though there was a glint of worry in her eyes.

I pulled her to me for a hug. "Just processing memories, that's all. I'm okay."

"Want to head out?"

"Are you done visiting?"

She nodded. "I'm thirsty. Want to hit the diner? Grab a coffee?"

"Sure. I hate to say it, since we ate not that long ago, but I'm kind of hungry."

We waved bye to the men and made our way to the diner, where people stared at us like they were seeing a couple of ghosts. Bella shrugged it off and pulled me toward our _usual_ table—the corner booth.

As soon as we were seated, a familiar face approached the table. "Oh my God, Bella, sweetie, is that really you?"

A huge grin lit up Bella's face. "Beverly! Oh my…I'm so happy to see you!" She jumped up from her seat and hugged the waitress.

Beverly began to cry. "I'm so happy to see you, dear. We've missed you so much—we've missed EVERYONE so much."

Tears began to roll down Bella's cheeks and soon both women were crying. In fact, there was hardly a dry eye in the house. Bella was the town's daughter, everyone knew her because of her dad, or knew of her because of the accident.

One by one, the other patrons and staff approached her for a hug or a hello. It was really touching. The cook brought over coffees and Bella's favourite, which had also been her father's—berry cobbler.

"We named it Charlie's Cobbler, after, uh…you know."

Bella threw her arms around the portly man's waist. "Thanks, Larry, he'd be proud."

After the hubbub died down, we sat down to eat our cobbler, and drink our lukewarm coffee. Beverly came back a couple of times to top up our cups.

"So?" I asked, watching as she savoured her cobbler. "Whatcha thinking?"

She set her spoon down, looked around the small homey old diner and smiled until she spotted something. When I looked behind me, I noticed a photograph on the wall by the counter. "Oh…" she said, standing up and walking over to it. She stopped just in front and stood there, looking at it. I watched as she raised a hand and touched it gently.

I got up and moved to stand behind her. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut. "Wow, when was this taken?"

Beverly spoke up. "It was the day…the day it happened. They stopped in to pick up some coffee, sandwiches, and…"

Bella finished her sentence. "…a cookie for Emma."

There they were, all sitting on the stools by the counter: Renee and Bella, both laughing at Charlie, who was holding Emma, and it looked as if she was trying to shove her cookie up his nose.

My chest tightened up when I looked at my sweet baby girl. I watched as my hand lifted up to touch the photo and I smiled a little.

"She was an amazing angel, kids," Beverly said softly. "We all feel the loss."

"Excuse me," I mumbled as I walked toward the washroom. I knew I was about to fall apart and I didn't want to do it in front of the grizzled old gossipy men sitting around the diner.

I locked myself into the tiny washroom and slid down the wall until I was seated on the floor. My breathing hitched, my chest turned to stone, and I struggled to control it.

"Edward?" Bella called from the other side of the door. "Are you okay?"

"No," I croaked.

"Unlock the door, baby. Please? Let me help."

* * *

**Poor Edward...he was doing so well with holding it together. Hopefully Bella will calm him down.**

**Sigh, something downright rotten happened to 107yearoldvirgin...some douchenozzle stole her one-shot _Good Vibrations_, renamed it, changed the characters names, and claimed it as her own on another website. THIS IS WRONG! Come on! How can anyone think this is possibly a cool thing to do? IT'S NOT!**

**So, please, while it might be construed as flattering to have your hard work copied and claimed as someone else's, it's not! Virgy put a lot of hard work into that, and to boot, it was written for the Haiti Compilation...it was written for charity! That's almost as rotten as stealing a donation box from a convenience store counter!**

**Thankfully the h00rs gathered 'round her, and we managed to get something done about it. Just the same, it's not cool, so kids, remember this:  
STEALING SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU AND PUTTING YOUR NAME ON IT MAKES YOU A DOUCHE NOZZLE SCUM BUCKET and Emmett is gonna come after you and kick your ass. He hates thieves. So do the h00rs, and you don't want to mess with a group of angry h00rs. **

**Now, onto less nasty things. This week's recs are:**

**_Dream in Darkness_ by shellebean (this is a JxB fic)  
****_Ithaca is Gorges_ by Giselle-lx (I know, I know...I'm really behind on reading this one)**

**As always, I love to hear from you guys, and sneak peeks come to those who review. **


	38. Chapter 38

**Happy Thursday everyone!**

**I won't keep you; I kind of left you in a precarious position at the end of the last chapter, or rather, left Edward in a precarious position. I just wanted to thank Katmom and Minnakoda for their untiring effort in keeping me in chapters, for editing lemons in less-than-lemony places (Kathie, I'm lookin at you!), and for just being two of my favouritest people on the planet. I know I say it a lot, but I lubs you guys.**

**Minna and Kathie both say that there is a high sweetness factor in this chapter, so diabetics, beware.**

**Hey, Stealy McThieverson, please don't steal my story. Stealing isn't nice.

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

I sat outside the men's bathroom at the diner, waiting for Edward to open the door, waiting for him to let me in so I could try to help him through whatever it was he was going through. An enormous amount of relief flooded through me when I heard the lock click, and I quickly opened the door. My poor Edward was sitting on the floor, struggling to breathe.

Kneeling down beside him, I tipped his chin so he could see me. I winced when I saw his wet, red eyes looking back at me. "We'll get through this, baby, just breathe with me."

I used all the techniques I could think of until he finally calmed down. When I knew he had made it through the panic attack, I held him tight and kissed his forehead. "You okay?"

He nodded.

I ran my fingers through his hair to coax the last of the trembling out of him. "What happened?"

He sighed heavily before he shrugged. He wasn't making this easy on me, that's for sure.

"Want to get out of here?"

He nodded again, an errant tear flying off his cheek as he moved his head.

"You okay to drive?"

"In a few minutes," he said, finally. "I need some air."

I stood up and reached for his hand. When he was up on his feet, he hugged me tight and buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply.

"Better?" I asked.

"Much. Thank you. Let's go."

When we finally emerged, Beverly gave us each a big hug and some cobbler to take with us. "Please come visit again soon, kids. We miss you."

We promised we would stop back in the next time we were in town while I led Edward outside, where we leaned against the Volvo and took some deep breaths. Edward was pale, his green eyes appearing more vibrant than ever against his skin, emphasized by the red tinge around them. I ran my hand across his cheek and he smiled a little.

"Here I was worried about YOUR reaction, and I should have been worried about my own," he said, chuckling lightly.

"It's okay, baby, it's understandable."

I watched as he closed his eyes, took two big cleansing breaths, then looked down at me. His cheeks had a little more colour to them and he looked a lot less like he wanted to pass out. "Better?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't apologize. I love you, Edward."

He leaned in and kissed my nose. "I love you more. So, where to next?"

I looked around. There WAS one other place I really wanted to go; where I needed to go. "Home. I want to go to my house."

Edward was quiet for a few heartbeats, then he kissed me gently before leading me to the passenger side door. "As you wish, love."

Really? I figured he would suggest we wait, or make a comment to the effect that I might not be ready. I had prepared myself for a battle royal, when all that happened was a friendly concession.

"What?" he asked, as he belted himself into his seat. "You seem shocked."

"I…well, I figured you would try to convince me not to."

He exhaled loudly. "As hard as it is to admit, I do have my reservations, but the fact remains that I, along with everyone else, need to acknowledge that you know best, especially when it comes to this. It's not our place to make these decisions for you anymore.

"We discussed it in the car on the way here. We're all going to try to be less overprotective. You are not a child and you've demonstrated that you are stronger than anyone gives you credit for."

He reached over and took my hand in his. "Bella, I trust you, and I trust that you know what's best. If you want to see your house, then we'll go see your house."

I squeezed his hand and smiled. "Thank you."

Really, though, _thank you_ didn't even begin to encompass what I was feeling—eternal gratitude mixed with deep love, intermingled with a strange sense of calm. It was a foreign feeling, and I liked it.

We cruised down familiar streets and I marveled at the subtle changes: trees were bigger, houses were either recently painted or the once fresh paint was slowly chipping and fading. Cars in the yards were sometimes newer and sometimes exactly as they had been before I left.

My heart sped up when we approached my house—well, my former house. I'm not sure what I had been expecting, I mean, I knew I had signed off on selling it, and the hefty sum of money deposited into my bank account would attest to the sale, but I just didn't know if I was ready to see someone else living in it.

As if he could read my racing mind, Edward gently squeezed my hand and spoke quietly, "A young couple with a little girl bought it. They're both teachers; he's at the high school, she teaches kindergarten."

I gasped. "Really? Like my mom?"

"Yes, love, just like your mom. They're really a wonderful couple."

"You've met them? How? When?"

"Well, as you know, the house sold just after you left. Mom was too much of a mess to deal with anything, and when the new owners called to say they had found a couple of boxes in the attic crawlspace, they delegated me to be the one to come collect them when I was out of the hospital.

"They were kind enough to allow me one last tour before I left. It was hard."

I sighed sadly when he said that. I could see in his posture that it HAD been hard on him—he was slumped in his seat, looking defeated and deflated. Reaching over for his hand, I tried to comfort him. He had spent a lot of time in this house too, had loved my parents as his own. How often had his feelings in all of this been swept under the rug?

We pulled up the familiar driveway and were met with an unfamiliar car instead of Dad's cruiser.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"You…" he lifted our joined hands, "you're breaking my already injured hand. Could you maybe ease up a little?" he smirked apologetically.

"Oh, sorry. I hadn't noticed." I flushed red and released him, wincing when he tried to flex his hand. "Is it okay?"

A smile was my answer and I almost instantly felt better. That was until there was a rap at Edward's window.

"Edward Cullen? Is that you?"

Edward hit a button and his window descended. "Hi, Bob. I'm sorry to drop in like this, but we were in town and Bella…"

"Oh my word, Isabella Swan?"

I waved weakly at him.

"Please, won't you come in?" It was more of a statement than a question. Edward looked to me and I nodded.

"Sure, we'll be right in."

Bob ran back into the house, leaving Edward and I to talk. "Are you sure?" he asked softly, brushing his hand across my cheek. "We don't have to…"

I had never been more sure of anything at that moment and vowed to stay firm in my resolve. "I DO have to."

"We can leave as soon as you say the word."

"Thanks."

Edward took my hand firmly in his as we walked up the same walkway where I had played hopscotch, had subsequently skinned my knee while playing hopscotch, and had ultimately resorted to using the space for chalk drawing instead of life-threatening games like hopscotch.

"I wonder if they keep a spare key in the crack above the door?" Edward whispered as we reached the familiar screen door. It was the same one we'd slammed a thousand times, and each time brought a resounding "Don't slam the door!" from my dad.

Bob opened the door, inviting us in. "Please come in. Can I offer you a coffee? Tea? Water?"

I wasn't paying much attention to him; instead, I was looking around the house. The living room was now full of modern furniture and electronics instead of Dad's well-loved recliner and the old sofa. They painted the staircase so it no longer showed the years of bumps, scuffs, and scrapes that we had inflicted on it. And then I noticed…

"Oh…" I gasped. There was no stopping the torrent of tears that ran down my cheeks. "You…it's…"

"What is it, love?" Edward asked as he moved to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I pointed to the doorframe. "They kept it."

Mom had measured my growth in the doorway between the kitchen and the hall. I traced my growth up the wall, and laughed when Edward's name appeared, usually two or three inches taller than my own. I choked when I spotted Emma's name. I had forgotten Mom had started tracking her growth as well.

But I also noticed another name. Lizzie.

Bob spoke quietly from behind us. "Mel and I didn't have the heart to cover it, and Lizzie wanted to compare herself to the Bella who lived here first. I hope you don't mind."

Turning toward him, I couldn't help but smile through the tears. "Mind? Not at all. I'm just surprised that you would want to keep it, you know, the ghosts of owners past."

He pulled out the chairs at the table. "Please, have a seat. Drinks?"

We both asked for water, and after Bob fetched a couple of bottles, we all settled down at the table.

"Lizzie was fascinated with the thought that another little girl had grown up in this house, so she was reluctant to change things. When you see your room, I'm sure you'll be surprised to see that not much has changed. She wanted to know all about you, and she'll be thrilled to meet you. She should be home soon. Of course, you don't have to talk to her, I'm sure she'd understand if you were too upset."

He passed over a box of tissues. I took a couple and cleaned up my face. "I'm sorry, Bob. This is just a little overwhelming. I haven't been in here since before they died. I didn't get to come pack things up or even step foot in here before it was sold." I sighed as I looked around. "It's different, but the same. I can still feel them here. It's like my dad will come through that door at any second, hang his gun up by the door, walk over to the fridge, and grab a Vitamin R."

Just then, the screen door banged open and I nearly jumped out of my seat at the sound.

"Daddy? Did you buy a new car today?"

A brown-haired, brown-eyed girl came careening around the corner, stopping dead in her tracks. Her doe eyes grew, but so did her smile.

"Hi, Mr. Edward!" she said, batting her long eyelashes at him. "Is that YOUR car out there?"

"Hi, Lizzie. It sure is."

She pointed at me. "Who's that?"

Edward took my hand and squeezed. "Lizzie, this is Bella Swan. This used to be her house."

The young girl's reaction surprised me. Hell, it shocked the pants right off me. Before I could gauge what was going on, she flung herself at me. "Miss Bella! I'm so happy to meet you!"

I hugged her and smiled. "I'm happy to meet you too."

"Daddy? Can I take Miss Bella to my room…er…OUR room and show her?"

Bob looked over at me, asking if it was okay with his eyes. I nodded.

"Okay, but try not to talk her ears off, okay Lizzie?"

She pouted at her father before whispering loudly to me. "He calls me a chatterbox, but really I don't talk all that much." She turned to Edward. "Mr. Edward, I'm stealing your wife but I promise I'll bring her back."

"She's not my wife…yet," he said to her, winking at me.

I know my jaw dropped and I must have looked like a fool at that very moment, but I didn't have time to care—Lizzie was dragging me up the stairs, talking a mile a minute as we moved. I think this kid would put Alice to shame.

"I didn't want Daddy to paint the steps but he did. I was worried you might not like it. They painted the bathroom, see?"

Sure enough, the bathroom was now a beautiful shade of periwinkle blue, with a new tub and sink. The toilet was the same.

"…and they painted the big bedroom. Ugh, I liked it better the colour your mom and dad had it; now it's brown." She made a face. "Don't tell them I said this, but it kind of looks like poop."

My parents' old room looked different. It WAS brown, but warm. A beige runner separated the two shades of brown, and the curtains had been replaced by a set of beautiful cream-coloured Roman blinds. Modern furniture replaced the old antiquated stuff my parents had, and really, there was no trace of them or their tastes left in the room.

"Now," she said, dragging me to my old room, "they wanted to paint OUR room, but I said no. I like the colour and I like the writing I found in the closet. I added some too."

I was hardly hearing her at this point because I was too busy looking around. My room still felt like my room. I felt the tears coming again, and tried to wipe them away as soon as I possibly could, not wanting to cry in front of Lizzie.

"It's okay, Miss Bella, I miss my old room too. You can cry, I won't laugh."

I chuckled. "Thanks, Lizzie."

"Can we go sit in the closet? I want to ask questions about the writing on the wall."

"Okay."

She led me to the closet, where we sat down on pillows. I was blinded by a light in my face—she had turned on a battery operated camping lantern and was holding it up to the wall. "I like reading the stories about you and Mr. Edward. I even wrote some stories about you guys. Wanna see?"

I nodded, barely registering what she was saying as I read the old messages on the wall. I laughed at some—the one Edward had written about the day I got stuck in the tree, or the day I beat up some kid for picking on him and broke my hand. There were drawings as well-rudimentary renditions of our younger selves.

The writing on the wall had begun one day when I was being punished for kicking a boy at school who had been picking on Edward. No matter how many times I tried to explain my side of the story, no one would listen to me. Of course it was my fault, I was Bella Swan—troublemaker. As punishment, Mom had banished me to my room and taken away my paper and books, since drawing and reading were my favourite things to do. I managed to find a crayon under my dresser when I was rolling around on the floor wailing about the unfair treatment I was receiving. You'd think by the sound of my complaining that I had been detained for years and starved.

Anyway, I found the crayon and since I didn't have any paper to write on, I hid in the closet and started writing my statement in there. Actually, it was more of a cave drawing attempt at telling the story. There were some big words and being the perfectionist that I was, I didn't want to get it wrong. So, I did it in comic book style. There were drawings of the kid who had beat up on Edward; he looked like an ogre, and of me and Edward. Of course, I was wearing a superhero cape because I was the one who came to save the day, or rather, kick the bully in the nuts.

Seems I kicked him harder than I initially thought and he had to go to the hospital for medical intervention. How was I supposed to know I could cause irreparable damage to his danglers with my pink Keds? Anyway, his parents were pissed, my parents were pissed, and I was locked away in my room with no paper or books. Where was the justice in that? I mean, poor Edward ended up with a black eye and wet underpants; surely my intervention was a defensive one, surely they could see that I was saving my best friend!

But no, I spent many hours forcibly hidden away to think about what I had done. Instead, I defaced my closet wall and began a new tradition that would now be carried on by another young girl.

"Lizzie, do you mind if I take a picture of these?" I wanted to capture the moments of my past, and maybe hold onto the memories. I never thought I would seen these again and I didn't want to miss the opportunity to save these vignettes of another time, a less painful and complicated moment in my life.

"No, Miss Bella. Will you take one of me and you?"

"Sure."

"And Mr. Edward? He's cute."

I laughed. "Yeah, he IS pretty cute, isn't he?"

We giggled over some of the stories on the wall as I photographed them with my phone, and then shot the ones that Lizzie had added.

"How old are you, Lizzie?"

"I'm nine," she replied proudly.

"You write extremely well for a nine-year old. I'd love to see your other stories sometime."

Her cheeks pinked up as she smiled. "Really? I really want to be a writer someday."

I nodded. "I think you will be a brilliant writer, kiddo. I'm going to school right now to be a writer."

"NO WAY! That's awesome. I want to do that too! Did you know that you're like my kindred spirit! You're my bosom buddy; you're the Anne to my Diana." Lizzie was bouncing around the closet excitedly as she spoke.

"You've read _Anne of Green Gables_?" I asked.

"Only about a dozen times! I want to go to Prince Edward Island and go to her house. Hey, Bella?"

"Yes, Lizzie?"

"Will you be my big sister?"

"Well," I said, slightly shocked, "we can certainly be friends. I live in Seattle, though."

"Can I e-mail you? Send stories to you?"

"We'll ask your dad. So, want me to show you some of my favourite places?"

"YES! Man, Iggy's going to be bummed when I tell him that I met you."

We stood and emerged from the closet. Lizzie grabbed my hands and pulled me downstairs. "Who's Iggy?"

"He's my Edward," she answered very matter-of-factly. "We sometimes pretend that we're Bella and Edward and we act out the stories from the wall. He's away at his Grandma Jojo's for Thanksgiving."

While it felt surreal and downright bizarre knowing there were two kids pretending to be Edward and me, I couldn't help but wonder if they too would find more than just friendship, just like we had.

As if she could hear my thoughts, she looked up at me and motioned for me to bend down. When I was at her level, she whispered very quietly, "I love him and one day we're going to get married, but please don't tell my mom and dad, okay?"

I gave her a hug. "I promise."

We entered the kitchen to find that Mel, Lizzie's mom, had arrived. She was probably ten years older than me, with dark blonde hair and the most amazing blue eyes. Her smile lit up her face as she extended a hand to me. "Bella, I'm so happy to meet you."

"You too. Thanks for…" I couldn't continue. What could I say? Thanks for not totally destroying my childhood home? Thanks for not painting over my childhood memories in that closet?

She smiled warmly. "I understand, Bella. You're welcome." She moved to hug Lizzie. "I see Lizzie has taken you on the grand tour."

I nodded. "Yes, she has, and now, if you don't mind, I'd like to take her on a little tour of the yard to show her a few special places."

Lizzie walked over to Edward. "Mr. Edward, will you come with us?"

He smiled at her, and ruffled her hair. "If no one minds, I'd love to go."

The little girl jumped up and down, squealing so loud she could seriously put Alice's exuberance to shame.

"Elizabeth Marie, what did we say?" her father said, sternly.

It was hard not to giggle when she stopped bouncing and pouted at her father, replying to him in a sing-songy well-rehearsed response. "We do not jump and scream like hooligans or squeal like pigs in the house."

He smiled. "That's right, kiddo. Now, if you're going to go out with Miss Bella and Mr. Edward, you need a coat."

"I'm on it!" She took off out of the kitchen at breakneck speed.

"AND NO RUNNING ON THE STAIRS!" he called out after her.

Mel moved over and surprised the hell out of me when she wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry for all you've been though, Bella."

"Um, thanks?" Awkward much?

"I knew your mom. I was doing a placement at the school where she was volunteering on her good days. I wanted to be like her—the kids loved her, including Lizzie. Seems strange that we ended up buying her house." She looked off and sighed. "I knew even before we heard it was her house that it was where we wanted to raise Lizzie. This place has an energy to it; I knew immediately, the second I walked into this place, that it was perfect.

"We had been living in an apartment and although there was the playground at the school, we wanted her to have a yard; someplace safe for her and Iggy to play."

I couldn't help but smile at her. Mel and Bob are good people, and I couldn't be happier that they were the ones to buy my house. "It was a great place to grow up. Between our yard and the forest behind Edward's house, we had lots of room to play."

"LET'S GO!" Lizzie yelled as she stomped down the stairs.

I grinned at Mel and Bob. "Guess we're going. We'll just be out in the yard."

"Have fun," Bob said, halting Lizzie's rush to get outside, "and Lizzie?"

"Yes, Daddy, I know, don't talk Miss Bella's ear off. I know!" she replied, sounding exasperated.

Lizzie grabbed our hands and pulled us out into the yard, which hadn't changed much at all. The tree swings were still there: one for Edward, one for me. The tree seemed a little taller, and there was new rope attached to the old, worn, wooden planks.

"Me and Iggy hang out here and talk. We make up stories and I write 'em down later. I love the swings; they help me think."

Edward lifted up his old swing and smiled before showing me that his name was still carved into the underside of the plank. I lifted my own and couldn't help but grin—mine was still there too.

"Cool!" Lizzie whispered reverently as she moved to trace the names. "Would it be okay if me and Iggy did it too?"

I nodded. "I think it's a great idea."

Edward wandered off to the tree line, looking around. I watched him as he poked his head between the trees and shook his head.

"Miss Bella?"

Lizzie's insistent tugging on my jacket snapped me out of my reverie. "Yes, Lizzie?"

"Sit for sec. I need to ask you something important."

We sat on the swings and swayed side-to-side, bumping into each other. "What did you want to ask?"

"When did you know that you loved Mr. Edward?"

I looked back over at him and chuckled. He was fencing with an imaginary foe, using a stick as his foil. He looked like a taller version of himself as a child. "I think I always knew, Lizzie. He was, and still is, my best friend."

The girl righted herself and pushed off as she pondered what I had said. "Did you always know you would be together?"

I sighed as I pushed off. How to answer this one. "I hoped we would. The good thing about being soul mates is that you always find each other again, no matter how far you may stray. We were apart for a while, but now, now I'll never let him go."

"Do you miss your baby?"

The innocent bluntness of her question nearly sent me flying off my swing onto the damp ground below. "Um, yeah I do, I miss her a lot."

Lizzie stopped swinging and held out her hand. "I'm sorry, Miss Bella. My dad says that I speak before I think and sometimes I say things the wrong way. What was Emma like?"

I pulled out the locket and showed her. "Oh, Miss Bella, she is SO cute! She looks like Mr. Edward."

"Yeah, she was, and she did. Emma was kind of like you—fun, energetic, and she loved to talk. Most times, she spoke so fast that we couldn't understand her. Everyone loved her. She was a special little girl."

Before I could even register what was going on, Lizzie had jumped off her swing and was hugging me. "Not WAS, Miss Bella, IS. Emma IS a special little girl. Daddy told me when Grandpop died that he wasn't really gone, that he's always here," she put her hand on my chest. "Emma is always alive in your heart."

I cried a little as the words of this incredible little girl washed over me; Lizzie's wisdom extended beyond her nine years. She held me as I sniffled, rubbing my back, whispering affirmations into my ear.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Edward said softly as he knelt down beside us. "You okay?"

I nodded tearfully.

Lizzie answered for me. "I didn't mean to make her sad, Mr. Edward, so I told her what my dad told me about the people we love—they always live in our hearts."

"I'm not sad, Lizzie," I said, pulling away and cupping her cheek. Her little eyes looked so sad. "You actually made me feel better. Thank you."

Edward hugged us both and for a second it was surreal—we almost felt like a family. I wondered if this is what it would feel like if Emma had lived. Would she and I have deep conversations on our swings? Would Edward always be there to hug us if things got too intense? It was just a minute taste of what could be, and I knew in that moment that I wanted nothing more than to have a family with Edward again.

We ended the hug and took Lizzie over to the tree line and showed her the places where we had built forts, played pirates and sharks, and had enjoyed our youth before things got so terribly complicated.

Bob and Mel came out after an hour to save us from their daughter, but in all honesty, we didn't need to be saved; Lizzie had saved us, saved our legacy, and rescued the fleeting moments of our youth. Not to mention, I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her, and found myself feeling a little sad that we wouldn't get to meet the famous Iggy.

The family walked us to our car, where I exchanged e-mail addresses with them, and asked Bob to take some photos of us. I promised to e-mail them to Lizzie as soon as I could.

"Miss Bella, will you come back to visit again? Maybe some time when Iggy is here?" the little girl asked as she hugged me.

"I will. I'll be back at Christmas, I think."

She squealed as she squeezed me tighter. "I love you, Miss Bella. Thank you so much for coming to visit me. I'll take care of everything here, okay?"

"Thanks, kiddo. Now, Mr. Edward is looking a little jealous. Why don't you go give him a hug and make him smile?"

She blushed. "Okay."

I stood up and gave hugs to her parents, promising to visit again sometime.

Driving away wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Things turned out much better than I could have ever anticipated, and now I had a little pen pal. I couldn't wait to find out how her life would unravel; would it mirror our own? Would she find love with Iggy?

Edward took my hand in his as we pulled onto the highway. "Well, that was interesting. How're you feeling?"

I yawned. "I'm exhausted, but I feel fantastic. What an incredible child, and what a bizarre turn of events. Don't you find it the least bit weird that there are two nine year olds who act out our life? Who write stories about us?"

He laughed. "Not in the least, love, it's kind of flattering. Now," he looked over at me, "is there anyplace else you'd like to go?"

"Can we please make a beeline for our bed? I can barely keep my eyes open."

"As you wish."

* * *

**I hope you haven't all overdosed on the sweet. When Minna says it's sweet, I kind of get scared.**

**This week I've been reading:**

**_Love in my Box_-CosmoandMarvar  
_Brown Study_-littlesecret84**

**Sadly, two of my favourites stories came to a close this week. _Master of the Universe_ by SnowqueensIcedragon and _The Screamers_ by KiyaRaven have ended. Sigh.**

**Again, it's been discovered that people are plagiarizing and reposting some of your favourite Twifics without permission. I realize it probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but it kind of is. It's stealing, it's mean, and it's just not nice. If you happen to come across any stolen Twifics, please let someone know so the h00rs can get on it.**

**So, let me know what you're thinking...as always, I'll respond to all reviews and leave you a little nugget of the next chapter as thanks.**

**Why? Because you are awesome.**


	39. Chapter 39

**It's Thursday already? My, how time flies.**

**This chapter will be a little different because there are several different POVs. The others have been bugging for some airtime, so this chapter is for them.**

**As always, fist-bumps, ass-grabs and bewbie gropes to my girls, Katmom and Minnakoda.

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

The weary shoppers had returned from the battlefield and were admiring the booty they had amassed on their conquest. Alice and Rose were chattering over the clothes they had bought, while the men were all huddled around something; likely a new gadget of some sort.

Edward and I tried to tiptoe past them after we returned from our visit to my old house because I was dead tired and in serious need of a nap, but Alice spotted us.

"Bella!" Alice squealed when she saw us. I found myself squeezing Edward's hand a little harder as she approached. "You must come and see what we bought for you!"

"For me? But why?"

Her hands flew to her tiny hips, as she looked me over with an air of incredulity. "Why? Because we love you, silly, and we love to shop for you. Come on!"

Alice may be tiny, but the girl is freakishly strong. I felt my hand being pulled from Edward's as she dragged me away. I heard the rat bastard chuckle as I shot him a dirty look from over my shoulder. I was too tired for this, both emotionally and physically. It had been a very long day, and it was naptime for Bella. I could barely keep my eyes open, and my head was spinning.

"Ali, I'm not feeling so good. I need to lie down for a while. Can this wait?"

"Nope."

It all happened so fast that I didn't see it coming—I was being dragged across the room one minute, and the next I'm on the floor with my head in Esme's lap.

"What…?"

"Shh, Bella, don't try to speak. You're okay," Esme said quietly. "You may have just had a seizure, or maybe you just fainted. Try to stay still, okay?"

My head was pounding so hard that I could barely focus on what she was saying. I just wanted Edward to take me to bed, turn out the lights, and protect me from the world until the pain passed.

"Edward?" I whispered, hoping not to stir the monster in my head.

"I'm here, love. What do you want? Do you feel okay? Are you in pain?"

All I really registered was the word _pain_. "My head."

"You have a headache?"

"Mm. Tired. Bed."

I felt his arms come underneath me before he lifted and cradled me against him. He carried me slowly up the stairs and into our room. When his arm moved to turn on the light, I whimpered. "No."

"Okay," he whispered, "no light. Got it."

As soon as he settled me on the bed, I grabbed him and pulled him toward me. "Stay, please?"

The bed moved lightly as he gently curled up beside me. "Dad wants to check you out before you sleep, okay?"

"No. Sleep."

"Bella, it's important. It's either you let HIM do it or you go to the hospital."

"Carlisle." I hated speaking in one-word sentences, but it hurt my head to say the bare minimum.

"Bella?" Carlisle said softly, as he flicked on the light.

"NO! NO! NO LIGHT!" I screamed at him, but instantly regretting it. Each word I yelled felt like a knife stabbing into my brain. My hands moved up to my temples, hoping to hold the pieces of my skull together, because surely, after that it had to be falling apart.

I heard the switch click, and sensed the room darkening from behind my eyelids. "I'm sorry, sweetie. Can you handle the bedside lamp if we cover it with a towel? I need to have some light while I'm checking you out, okay?"

"Mm-hm."

He spoke quietly to Edward, who I assumed was sent to get a towel. Just seconds later, I heard the click of the bedside lamp, and could see very dim light through my eyelids.

I heard the Velcro tearing on the blood pressure cuff and felt the cold sleeve as he wrapped it around my arm. My head throbbed painfully with every pump of the bulb and every crackle of the plastic teeth as they separated.

"Hm, it's quite low," he mumbled as he removed it when he finished.

"Is that bad?" I heard Edward ask.

"It's surprising; I figured it would be on the high side. Bella?"

"Mm…" I mumbled, wincing at the pain in my head.

"Edward is going to sit you up a bit, okay?"

I nodded slightly.

"Can you speak, dear? Do you know who you're with?"

Enough with the damn questions. Christ, can't a girl get some sleep when she has a headache? "Yes."

"Can you tell me how you're feeling?"

"Hurts. Tired."

"What hurts?"

"Head."

"Do you remember what happened?"

I shook my head slightly, then cried out when the pain got to be too much.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, we're almost done. Does it feel like you might have had a seizure?"

"No. Please…make it stop."

"Edward, can you get some codeine and water for Bella?"

I smelled Edward as he leaned down to kiss my head. "Be right back."

Carlisle poked and prodded at me for a moment, then told me he was going to shine a light in my eyes. Yup. That's exactly what I needed.

_**Carlisle**_

I watched as Bella flinched at the mention of the light.

"I'll be quick, sweetheart, I promise. I know you're hurting right now." My fingers gently pried open her lids, one at a time as I flashed my penlight into her eyes. Her pupils reacted normally, which was a relief.

"You're doing great. So, you're absolutely sure it didn't feel like a seizure?"

"Mm-hm," she hummed quietly. "Just tired. I'll be fine. Need Tylenol and sleep."

"I just want to listen to your heart and lungs, okay?"

I breathed onto the cold metal of my stethoscope to warm it up before slipping it beneath her shirt. She flinched a little. "Sorry."

"S'alright," she slurred.

"Can you take some deep breaths for me?"

I listened to her lungs as she took a couple of breaths. They weren't very deep, but I wasn't overly concerned because her lungs sounded clear.

When I was finished, I pulled a blanket up around her and knelt on the floor by her head. "Bella? Do you hurt anyplace else?"

"No." Her voice was but a faint whisper. I barely heard her.

"Okay," I sighed, pushing some hair away from her face. "Can you swallow some pills?"

"Yes."

I looked at her as she lay there, pale and visibly in pain. "Do you get migraines often, dear?"

"Sometimes."

"Does this feel like one?"

Her hand found mine and squeezed once. "I'll take that as a yes? Does it hurt to speak?"

I felt a faint squeeze and heard her sigh.

Edward came back and together we propped her up enough so she could swallow some painkillers and water. We settled her back down on the bed, making sure to turn out the dim bedside lamp.

"Edward?" she moaned.

"I need to talk to Dad for a minute, baby. I'll be back."

My heart broke when I heard her whimper and watched her bony arm slowly emerge from under the blanket, searching for him. He knelt beside her, whispering to her, and kissing her hand before standing to join me. We walked out to the hall and shut the door.

"My office?" I asked, jerking my head in that general direction. My tired-looking son nodded.

We sat down in leather chairs facing each other. Edward lowered his head into his hands and breathed deeply before speaking. "This is my fault, we tried to do too much today. I should have said no."

"What did you do?" I asked.

Edward recounted the events of their day, and while it sounded like a great time for emotional healing, it was clear that Bella had overdone it and she fainted from exhaustion.

"She'll be fine, son. We just need to be a little more vigilant; she needs her rest. Are you okay?"

He nodded. "There were some hairy moments, but it was good. I'm just mad at myself for not stopping her from exhausting herself." He tugged at his hair for a second before looking back at me with weary eyes. "I really should go be with her in case she needs me."

"Edward?"

My tired and sad son looked at me. I stood and pulled him into a hug. "You didn't do anything wrong. Let me know if she needs more painkillers, okay?"

He nodded, and I just couldn't shake the feeling that something else was off. "Son?"

"Yeah?"

"Do YOU need anything? Is there something I could do to help YOU?"

His shoulders shook in what I could only assume were sobs. I didn't say anything further, I just let him have his moment; I could hold onto him for as long as he needed. My hands instinctively rubbed his back as he broke down and let it out.

I had hoped maybe he would open up a bit more and confide in me, but he didn't. When the crying stopped, he sniffled a couple of times, hugging me tighter and mumbling his thanks. What had just happened couldn't have been easy for him, and I was proud of him for just letting go.

When he moved to pull away, I held him tighter. "I love you, Son."

"Love you too, Dad."

With that, he dragged his weary bones off to bed, hopefully to get some sleep.

As I descended the stairs, I could see my beautiful angel waiting for me at the bottom. Her green eyes were fearful and her magnificent mouth was drawn into a worried frown.

As soon as I was on the landing, I held my arms out for her, as I knew she was seeking comfort. Her mind likely cluttered with visions of our Bella crumpling to the floor like a limp rag. Tiny sobs shook her as she leaned on me.

"Sh, my love, Bella will be okay." I ran my hands up and down her back to reassure her. "Don't cry."

"Are you sure?"

My lips brushed the top of her head before I responded. "I'm confident. Does that count?"

Her body relaxed into mine as she sighed heavily. "I guess that will have to do."

I looked over her reddish hair toward the living room where four pairs of worried eyes watched my every movement.

"Let's go talk with the kids."

We walked hand-in-hand toward the others, who were all now up on their feet. Emmett stepped forward, his face tight with concern. "How is she, Pop?"

"Sit down, kids, let's talk."

Poor Alice burst into tears. "I broke Bella again!"

I released Esme's hand and moved to hug Alice. "Sh, sweetie, Bella's okay. Let's just sit and talk, okay?"

I heard her sniffle and felt her nod against my chest. Jasper took a couple of steps forward until he reached his fiancée. He smiled weakly at me as he removed her and walked them to the love seat.

As soon as everyone sat down, I began.

"Bella has a migraine, as far as I can tell. I'm going to keep an eye on her over the next few hours and if it doesn't get any better, I'll take her in to be checked out by the neurologist in Port Angeles. She seems fine, though. She's overtired and I believe that's what brought it on.

"Edward informed me that they had a very busy day, a very emotional one, and it might have been a little too much, too soon. We'll have to keep in mind that Bella needs more rest than we do, especially on the overly emotional days."

Alice looked at me through watery eyes. "She's really okay? It wasn't a seizure?"

I smiled at her, hoping to allay her fears. "Bella said herself that she didn't feel that's what happened. I'll trust her to know better than me on this."

Esme squeezed my hand and smiled at me, before looking at the others. "You guys hungry? There's a fridge full of leftovers—that is, unless Emmett and Bella didn't eat them all in their sandwiches."

Each one of the kids walked over and gave us a hug. I was amazed at how easily Alice, Jasper and Rosalie fit so seamlessly into our family. It was beginning to be hard to imagine life without them.

The kids walked toward the kitchen as we stayed behind for a moment.

"They're good kids. How did we get so lucky to be blessed with such an amazing family?" my love said as she turned to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. I bent my head down to plant a kiss on her sweet lips.

"I'm not sure, but I hope they stick around. I could get used to this again."

_**Alice**_

After dinner, I wandered out to the infamous sun porch and curled up in the giant wicker bowl chair. A girl could get used to this; no wonder Bella has so many wonderful memories from here. This IS a great place and I could see myself breastfeeding or just cuddling my new baby in a spot like this.

My baby. OUR baby. The shock of finding out that I was pregnant was staggering. I still didn't think it was real. I suppose it will seem more concrete when I can see my body changing and feel the fluttering in my womb.

The only thing that tipped me off was that you could set a clock to when my period would start. I had NEVER been irregular, not once since the day of my first menses when I was eleven. So, on the fateful morning that I knew something was awry, I woke up and waited. It usually started between 8 and 9 a.m. When I went to the bathroom to pee at 9:30, I was amazed at what I saw.

Or rather, what I didn't see. I saw nothing.

By the time Jasper got home from work, I was starting to worry. Of course, Jazzy figured out immediately that there was something off.

"_Do you think? Do you really think?" he asked, his eyes huge._

"_I think we should go pick up a test," I said softly._

_Jasper nodded and then his nod turned into a full-out headshake. His curly blond hair whipped about, leaving it big and unruly. When he stopped, I ran my fingers through the silky strands to tame it. Resting my forehead against his, I looked deep into his eyes, searching for the unasked question on my mind._

_As usual, my Jazzy knew what I needed. He kissed my nose and smiled. "We'll deal with the cards we're dealt, darlin'. Let's get a test and find out what's in our hand."_

_When we returned from the late-night pharmacy we watched the dipstick in awe as it almost immediately screamed PREGNANT. There was a moment of heavy silence as we digested the results. I was afraid to look at him, too terrified that he was upset, that he might be angry or even worse, that he would blame me for this._

"_Alice, baby, look at me," he urged quietly._

_I shook my head, still too afraid to see._

_His hand felt warm on my cheek as he gently guided my face to look at him._

"_Jasper? You're…you're smiling? Are you happy about this?"_

_He nodded, a lone tear tracking down his cheek. "I am. I am deliriously happy. Aren't you?"_

_Am I? I shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, of course I want to have babies with you, but now? The timing is far from good. How will we raise a child on a porn store salary? What about school? And Bella? Oh my God, Bella is going to freak. I can't do this to her, Jazzy. It's cruel." _

_I was sobbing by this point and my beloved held me tight, rocking me gently in an attempt to soothe me, and then he began to sing:_

Always and forever  
We'll be free  
Always and forever  
Be with me

We'll have love aplenty  
We'll have joys outnumbered  
We'll share perfect moments...

"_We can do this, Alice. We have to. I'll drop out of school and take on another job. Maybe I can borrow some money from my folks."_

"_There is no way in HELL that we're borrowing money from your mother. You know how I feel about her. You can't quit school, Jasper, you're almost done! You'll be certified to teach at the end of the school year. You can't give up your dream, not to mention the money and benefits you can get from a teaching job. I don't want to raise a baby without a health plan."_

_Jasper was quiet for a moment and then he let out a loud whoop, startling me. "What was that for?"_

_He jumped up and twirled me around. "We're gonna have a baby, darlin'! I couldn't be happier!"_

_Before I knew it, I was laughing and smiling at him. It was hard to feel anything but joy when my man was happy, and to be honest, although the timing of everything couldn't be shittier, I REALLY wanted this baby. I had a good feeling that although it might be hard, Jazzy and I would get through it. _

I feared how Bella would react—I didn't want to upset her. At the same time, I knew that she wouldn't begrudge us our miracle. Bella was rarely, if ever, outwardly selfish, but just the same, she might be somewhat resentful.

Really, though, she might surprise us all. Her behaviour lately had been rather out-of-character, but in a good way. She was dealing with everything so well, accepting the past, and trying to move forward. Perhaps she'd see this as a blessing and not a burden.

I really hoped that this was going to be the case, because I was NOT going to be able to hide my joy for long. It was killing me not revealing this huge tidbit of news to my best friends, but it was still very early and I didn't want to cause any undue pain if this baby wasn't meant to be.

Jasper and I decided to break the news at Christmas; if Emmett could keep his big mouth shut.

I snuggled deeper into the blankets and sighed contentedly. We REALLY need to get one of these basket chairs.

_**Emmett**_

"Jazz, man, can we go talk?"

Jasper looked up from the book he was reading and cocked an eyebrow at me.

I chuckled. "Come on, we need to talk."

This seemed like the best time to go, since Alice was napping in the sun porch and Rose was off with Mom, talking about designing or something.

We grabbed our coats and shoes and made our way outside. As we sat on the deck lacing up our shoes, he looked over at me. "What's up, Big Guy?"

I stood and motioned for him to follow me down the stairs. The light was fading fast, so I ducked into the garage for a couple of flashlights, tossing one to him as I passed by. "We can see our way there now, but the walk back will be dark."

I led him down a crushed gravel path where we walked at a leisurely pace. "So, Jasper, Alice and I were talking and…" I stopped him and pulled him into a man-hug. "Congrats, dude. You guys are going to be amazing parents."

He sputtered and coughed a little before pulling out of my grasp. "She…she told you? When? Why?"

When I started walking again, he quickly fell into step. "Alice told me when we had our chat," I started, emphasizing the last word with air quotes, "out on the deck. She's worried Baby Girl's going to freak out, and not in a good way."

"Yeah, we're both a little worried, although I have to say I'm feeling better about it every day. Bells is getting stronger and I really think she'll be fine."

I looked over at him. "I think she'll be crazy happy for you guys. She's a tough kid. Maybe this will help her. And, as I mentioned to Little One, it's not as if Bella can't have more kids.

"Look, brother," I stopped him again by putting my hand on his shoulder, "and you ARE my brother now, Rosie and I will be there for you. If you need ANYTHING—money, babysitters, diaper changers, food, a roof over your head—we've got your back. I realize that timing is a big thing and with you both still in school, shit's going to be tight. Please promise me you'll ask for help if you need it. It's what family is for."

Jasper looked down at the ground and then ahead, clearly uncomfortable and avoiding my eyes. I was cool with that; sometimes it's easier that way.

We started walking again until we reached the river. I pointed out my thinking rocks, where we sat in silence for a minute.

"Thanks, Em," I heard him whisper softly as he pulled his knees up against his chest, resting his chin on them. "I'm…"

"We're cool, Jazzy. Just promise me you'll stop being a stubborn and proud motherfucker and let us help. Once you guys talk to Bella and Edward about it, they'll be great support for dealing with this. Bella can help Alice with the little things that doctors and books don't tend to mention, and Edward can tell you how to deal with Alice's hormones without losing your balls. Nine months is both fast as hell and too slow, depending on how you look at it. AND, might I add, I'm a fuckawesome Uncle too. I've done it before, I'm confident in my abilities, and I take my role as Uncle VERY seriously. No one messes with my kids."

Jasper turned his head so he was facing me. I couldn't quite get a reading on his emotions—it was getting dark.

"Em, can I tell you something and you SWEAR you won't tell anyone else?"

"Of course, brother mine."

"I'm…I'm scared shitless. What if I can't do this? I'm going to try to stay in school because I'm almost done and I need a good job, but what if that's not enough? What if I can't look after them? What if Alice starts resenting me? I'll be doing my placement in her final months of pregnancy, not to mention I won't be able to work at the store to bring in any extra cash."

He ran his hands through his floppy blond mop of hair and sighed. "I'm going to fuck this up, Emmett."

Wow, in the short time I've known Jasper, I've never seen him look so conflicted, so…upset. He's usually so calm, cool, and collected. "Don't sweat it now. Besides, I might have a proposition for you. Let me make some calls when we get back; I might be able to help kill a couple of birds with one stone. I've got some connections, bro. Uncle Emmett rarely disappoints."

Jasper held out a fist, and I bumped it with my own.

"Thanks, Em."

"We're family. Speaking of which, my parents are so completely smitten with you that they will likely be showering you guys with stuff too.

"I'm going to make a very simple request, though. Please don't fight my mom's attempts to help. She's naturally very supportive but where there's a baby involved…well…"

Jasper smiled warmly at me. "We both adore her, man, and to be honest, I think I like her more than Ali's mom, and definitely more than mine. I understand what you're getting at, though, and although it'll be hard, I will assure you now that we will try not to deny her."

"Thanks, man. Losing Emma was hard on her and she loved playing the Grandma role so much. By all means, though, let her know if she's being too overbearing."

We both looked out over the rushing river in quiet contemplation. We could barely see it, but we both knew it was there, fully able to wreak havoc…

…like so many other things in life.

_**Rosalie**_

Esme and I were sitting in her office sipping red wine and looking over some of her design plans. She was incredible; her eye for detail was discerning and flawless.

"Wow, Esme, I just don't have the words to describe this. I would never expect to see a lounge this rich and decadent in an auto body shop."

As she flipped through the photos, sketches, and fabric swatches, the gears began grinding in my head. "Have the body shop owners signed off on these designs yet?"

Her bronze hair flipped as she shook her head. "No, they're reluctant to go with these plans because they're afraid it will turn off their clientele."

"Why? My God, this is fucking brilliant…" I trailed off as I looked at her. I blushed. "Sorry about the f-bomb."

Chuckling, she grabbed her glass. "I see my son is rubbing off on you."

I threw my head back and laughed loudly. "Not a chance—I swore like a crackhead pirate before I met him. I realize that probably doesn't make me look very good in your eyes, but I want to be upfront with you. I plan to be around for a long time, Esme. As long as he'll endure me and my potty mouth, I will stay by his side."

Tears bubbled up in her eyes as she smiled at me. Reaching out, she cupped my cheek in her soft hand. "Rosalie, sweetheart, it makes me so happy to hear you say that, and I know you two will grow old and vulgar-mouthed together.

"For so long I've prayed for you to come and save my boy from himself. You are another reason I can believe in God. Even after all the loss we've been through, when my faith wavered slightly, he sent more miracles and three new angels to bless my broken heart."

Esme got up and hugged me tightly. "You are my angel, Rosalie, and I can't thank you enough."

I'm not the emotional type, and I'm REALLY not overly religious either, but hearing this amazing woman call me her angel was too much and I began to cry.

So this is what a mother's unconditional love feels like. This is what I've missed all these years.

My mother, despite her sweet Southern belle façade, was not the honey dripper everyone assumed she was. My grandmother was, but not Mama Hale. My mom is driven by success and image. Jasper and I had to pretend to be her perfect blond twins, always well-behaved when necessary, well-read, high-achieving, and beautiful. I dread the thought of the hell we would have endured had we been born ugly or flawed.

Our father grew weary of it all and still to this day smiles and nods when needed, but hides in his office, away from her scrutinizing eyes. He's more of a trophy, like Jasper and I are, and not a husband. What he ever saw in her, I don't know, and why he hasn't left her, I just can't understand.

No one knows the extent of what we've gone through, although Alice clued in that something wasn't quite right the first time she met her. We've tried to keep Mama away from Bella after the first time they met. Poor Bella with her limp and limitations could never be the right kind of friend for me in Mama's steel grey eyes.

Mama gave up on Jasper being anything other than who and what he is when he was a teen, but not me. She insisted that I go to university to study business. _A woman with good looks, a good education, and a strong business acumen will write her own cheques in life_, was her favourite mantra. So, that's how I ended up at U-Dub. She was FURIOUS that I turned down Harvard Business School, but I wasn't leaving Jasper, and U-Dub is where he was accepted.

I figured out quickly that Mama was spot on and that pissed me off to no end. I HATED that she was right and I wanted to be everything that she wasn't. I went wild for a while; partied too hard, went home with too many faceless men to count, reducing myself to a shell. I was empty.

Then I met a strong female professor who showed me that while my mama was right in some respects, there is more to life than empty success. She had a husband, a family, and she was still vastly more successful than Mama had ever aspired to be. While Mama seemed to have a dark cloud surrounding her, Sue Clearwater glowed; she recognized early on that there was more to being a strong business woman than your portfolio and curriculum vitae. Sue recognized the struggle I was having and took me on, seeing something in me that she thought she could foster and help grow.

More than anything, her investment in me helped me find my passions and incorporate them into my studies, and suddenly it all made sense. My drive to succeed was more than just a need for power and money, and it was so much greater than my desire to prove my mother wrong.

Emmett would be critical in saving me from slipping and becoming a mirror image of Mama. His family would keep me grounded and help me grow in ways my own blood family couldn't.

"Rosalie, sweetie?" Esme's worried voice snapped me back to the moment.

"Thank you, Esme. I…I had no idea…" I sobbed into her sweater.

"What, darling?"

"I had no clue this is…this is what I had been missing."

She rubbed my back in a soothing way, helping me calm down. "What's that, sweetie? What have you been missing?"

I leaned back to look at her so I could see her eyes when I said it. "A mother's love."

Esme hugged me again. "Oh, dear sweet girl, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't profess to know about your past or your relationship with your mother, but I want you to know that I have more than enough love for all of you. You never need to ask."

"Thank you. It means so much, Esme."

We hugged for a while longer, then laughed as we wiped our faces. We looked like a couple of raccoons.

I looked back at her design. "I had an idea, Esme, if you're okay with it."

"What's that?"

"I need to come up with a business plan for a competition and you have given me the perfect idea. You see, I need to develop a concept from the bottom-up of a business based on a need in the women's market. We all know that the average woman dreads and fears going to the auto body shop because of several reasons, the biggest ones being that they often get fleeced for their ignorance, the people working there treat them like moronic shit, and they are often dirty and male-centric places.

"What if there were auto body shops that catered to women? Each customer would be assigned an advocate who would explain things to them in ways they would understand and help them make decisions without fear of being taken advantage of? What about waiting rooms that are clean, bright, modern, and feminine? They could also offer basic car-care classes for women so they wouldn't feel so vulnerable in case something goes wrong…"

Esme's squeal cut me off. She clapped her hands and smiled. "Oh, Rosie, you are brilliant! I'd love to help you. Oh, this is so exciting!"

I couldn't help but smile. Esme Cullen is MY angel, there's no doubt about it. This broken family was going to save my broken spirit.

* * *

**So? How was that? Did you like hearing from the others? They've kind of been hanging around in the background, but I think they were getting frustrated.**

**A couple of things before I get to my recs for the week.**

1) I want to wish a relaxing and *hopefully* SHORT break to 107yearoldvirgin, who has decided to take a hiatus from writing. As heartbreaking as it is, she deserves it after all the wonderful stories she has produced in the past year. If you haven't read any of her stuff, you must go read it. Not only is she witty, snarky, and wonderful, her stories all have heart. There are many of us who owe her a great deal, and I want to thank her for all she's done for me, and the other h00rs. You are loved, bb.

**2) The song Jasper sings in this chapter is _Lullaby_ by Lamb (go figure, she's using another damn Lamb song)**

**3) Katmom's story _Immersion _was featured on the Southern Fan Fiction Review this week. You should check out her story AND the review. It can be found at:  
www (DOT) southernfanfictionreview (DOT) com**

**This week's recs are:**

**_Chasm_ by Rae Cullen  
****_Emancipation Proclamation_ by Kharizzmatic  
(which I know a million of you have read already, but I had wanted to wait until it was complete and I couldn't do it and now it runs my life)**

**Speaking of _Emancipation Proclamation_, some douchenozzle stole it and turned it into a Jonas Brothers fic!**

**Enough with the theft people! **


	40. Chapter 40

**And so the story continues. There are some stunning revelations, some housecleaning, and waffles. Always waffles.**

**Big thanks to my saviors, Katmom and Minnakoda. They really are a dream team.

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"You're squishing me and I need to pee."

I heard him snickering behind me as he placed a kiss at the nape of my neck. "Sorry."

"All will be forgiven if you'll kindly release me. I REALLY need to pee."

His arms loosened their hold, allowing me to slip out of bed to run to the bathroom. Edward was sitting up against the headboard when I returned. I immediately dove on top of him, resting my head on his bare chest.

"How're you feeling today?" he asked as he gently raked his slender fingers through my hair. "Does your head still hurt?"

"There's a shadow lurking up there, but compared to how it felt last night, this is nothing. I could run a marathon."

"Tut tut," he admonished before placing a kiss atop my head. "There'll be no marathons today, love."

I turned my head for a proper kiss and he didn't let me down. "Mm…" I hummed. "Thank you."

His arms tightened around me as I heard him mumble in my hair.

"What's that?"

"Don't scare me like that again. Please. You dropped like a dead weight. I thought…"

I looked back at him and stroked his cheek. He looked exhausted and I knew it was my fault—again. "I should have been more firm with Alice. I should have just come directly up here and gone to bed."

He shook his head. "No, I should have suggested that we go to the house today instead of yesterday. Clearly you were overtired and I should have seen that."

Gah, not this again. I turned around so I was straddling his legs, and I affixed my gaze on him so he would see how serious I was at that moment. "Edward, please listen to me. You can't constantly protect me. You can't always be there to gauge my energy levels. You need to learn to trust me, and before you jump in about what happened yesterday, I will admit that I overdid it, and I want you to know that I will make mistakes.

"Please don't make me live in a bubble, Edward."

I watched his eyes for his true reaction to my request. It was easy to see that he was conflicted, that he was waging an internal war between his need to protect me, and his desire to make me happy. When he spoke, his eyes became sad, pleading. "Love, how can I trust you to slow down when something like what happened yesterday happens? I know you were caught up in the moment, because let's face it, yesterday was a big day, but you really need to be able to gauge your limits. What if you had collapsed when you were alone and hit your head? There are so many horrible things that could have happened."

This was going nowhere. To emphasize my point, I held his head between my hands. "But they didn't. It was a fluke. I got caught up in the moment."

He averted his gaze to a loose thread on the waistband of his pajama pants. I waited for his reply as patiently as I could—this was not a time to rush him.

Finally, he breathed out an _okay_.

I gave him a hug. "Thank you."

We stayed like that until he yawned. I pulled away and ran my hand along his stubbly cheek. "You're exhausted, baby, why don't you get some more sleep?"

He nodded, so I crawled off him, encouraging him to lie down again. Within mere minutes, he was fast asleep.

After showering and changing, I made my way downstairs, where I found Esme drinking her morning cup of coffee. "Morning, Esme," I said, leaning in for a hug.

"How're you feeling, sweetheart?"

I smiled at her. "Perfect. I just needed to sleep; I overdid it yesterday, got too caught up in the moment."

I moved over to grab a mug and pour myself some hot water to make some tea, then remembered my pills. I dashed out to find my bag before returning. "Sorry, I forgot my pills."

"So, Edward mentioned you had an exciting day," she said, smiling.

"Yeah, we did. I don't regret it, either. I'm sorry I scared everyone yesterday afternoon, but I can't regret it for a second. Being in my house, seeing the growth marks on the door frame, meeting Lizzie and find that she hadn't painted over the…" I sighed, "it was…it was surreal but healing. Part of the weight is gone and now I'm finding it easier to breathe every day."

Esme smiled again, setting down her mug and taking one of my hands in hers. "That's wonderful, Bella. I'm so glad that things are healing instead of hurting. Have you thought any further about having a memorial service at the cemetery so we can remember them and let them go together?"

I nodded. "I think it's a good idea. I want to do that with everyone. There's…there's something else I wanted to discuss with you."

My nerves were on edge as I tried to formulate the best way to go about asking her about the nursery. This IS her house and maybe she doesn't want to let go of the nursery.

"What is it?"

"How…how attached are you to the nursery?"

My heart broke at the sound of her sad sigh. She looked down at her cup before looking back up at me, her eyes clearly filled with sadness. "I hate to let it go, but I think it's time that I practice what I preach. It gives me a place to go to feel closer to her where it's quiet and I'm not surrounded by tombstones. Why?"

"Because I think it's time to take it down. I'd like to donate some things to charity, and maybe keep the others for…well, future grandbabies. I mean, we don't have to completely demolish it, just make it less…hers. She's…well, she's not coming back for it."

Wow, that was hard.

A tear dropped down Esme's cheek, so I reached out to wipe it away. I hate to see her cry and it was getting harder and harder for me to fight off my own tears. "I'm sorry, Esme, this is your home and it's not my place to suggest that you change it. We don't have to do anything to the room."

She was quiet for a moment, then nodded her head. "Should we wait for the boys to help?"

I nodded as I hugged her. "Yeah, I think it's important that we include them."

Once our tea was gone, we set about preparing a nice breakfast for the others. Of course, I made waffles, and it wasn't long before Emmett was barreling down the stairs bellowing, "WAFFLES! WAKE UP! It's time for waffles!"

Thankfully, Edward slept through the racket. My man needed his sleep, and had Emmett woken him up, I would have punished him by putting cayenne pepper in his chocolate sauce, or better yet, some laxatives, just as he'd done to Edward all those years ago.

Esme and I excused ourselves from the kitchen to move to the dining room to talk a little more about the plans regarding the nursery, after we had discussed our plan with the others. They all agreed to help, deciding to start working on it after lunch, provided Edward was awake by then.

"Esme, I…I hope you don't feel like I'm, well, overstepping my boundaries on this. I'm being selfish in wanting to do this because I know it'll help me move on, but I also think that it might help you too. It can't be healthy living here with that room as a constant reminder."

"No," she replied, sighing, "it's not easy. I just…well, I guess you could say that I'm being selfish too, and hypocritical to boot. I keep telling you kids to move on, and yet I can't seem to let go of it, of her. My therapist thinks I dismantled it years ago, but I couldn't do it. I love those moments of quiet solitude when I can sit in there, rock in the chair and remember her. Sometimes, it's like I can feel her with me when I'm in there."

My heart absolutely broke when Esme began to cry quietly. I moved over beside her and held her in my arms, trying to comfort her. It suddenly dawned on me that Esme had had to deal with a lot of this alone too. We had both been stumbling in the dark, knee-deep in denial, and while I was living a life of avoidance, she was clinging to the tattered remains of the life she once had, and there was no one here to save her.

"Are you sure, Esme? We don't have to do this."

She nodded. "I'll never get over it if we don't."

"I promise, you can keep ANYTHING in there that you want, okay? You get first dibs."

"Oh, sweetie," she said, pulling out of my hold, "I couldn't do that. There must be things you want to keep for yourself."

I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, there are a couple of things, but not much. It's too hard to look at. I'd rather pass it along to someone who could use it."

She smiled at me. "You're so strong, Bella. I can't believe how much you've improved. I'm proud of you, and…well, thank you."

"For what?"

"For coming back to face it, and for pushing me to do the same."

"You're welcome, Esme, and thank you for being so understanding. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'd like to get the breakfast dishes cleaned up so there's less work to do later."

"Let's get the boys to clean up. Why don't you go check on Alice, she was looking a little pale."

Alice wasn't looking a little pale, but rather a whole lot of green after her breakfast, which I noticed she had barely touched, so I grabbed her and led her to the sun porch where we curled up together. I urged her to rest her head on me, so I could rub her back.

"What's wrong, Alice Sweetcheeks? Are you coming down with something?"

She sighed a little before snuggling in closer. "I'm run down, I think. It was probably all that shopping yesterday, and then all the excitement last night with you keeling over."

I put my hand on her forehead. "You're not fevery."

"No, just kind of tired and queasy."

We sat in comfortable silence until Alice jumped up and ran out of the room, her hand over her mouth. I followed her to the bathroom and waited outside the door with a bottle of water. My poor pixie looked awful when she emerged.

"Alice, are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded weakly. "I think so."

"Come on, let's get you back to the sun porch and I'll make some tummy-soothing ginger tea. Do you want some soda crackers?"

"Please," she managed to squeak out.

I patted her butt and sent her on her way. It wasn't until I was puttering around the kitchen that something occurred to me. Alice never gets sick and she's never tired, especially not when she's riding a post-shopping high.

Nah…she can't be…

Alice pretty much confirmed my suspicion when she rushed past me again, heading toward the bathroom.

OH. MY. GOD. ALICE IS PREGNANT!

_**Alice**_

Morning sickness, you picked a shitty time to start. I knew when I woke up that today might be rough, but man, this was brutal. The smell of breakfast made me gag, watching everyone eat made me want to hurl, and then when I finally relaxed, all hell broke loose.

There's no way Bella's not going to figure it out. I saw the look on her face when I ran by her the second time. She's onto me. I can't lie to her. What am I going to do?

I curled up in the corner between the toilet and the sink and cried. This wasn't how I pictured it—I didn't want Bella to find out this way.

Another bottle of water appeared before me, and a cool facecloth pressed to my forehead.

"Don't cry, Alice. It's okay."

My best friend sat beside me and pulled me gently into a hug, allowing me to sob on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Why, Alice? This is wonderful, unless you, you know, don't want it."

Panic filled me. "NO! NO! We want it; I was just scared that…"

She cupped my cheek and smiled. "You were scared that I would react badly."

I nodded before a new flood of tears came.

"Sh, sweetie, it's okay. Please don't cry. I'm really touched that you worried about how I would react, but this isn't about me. This is about you and Jasper and your baby. I should never have been a thought in your mind.

"I am REALLY happy for you, though. You and Jasper will be amazing parents. How far along are you?"

I looked down at my flat belly. "Not very far. We figure it's a Halloween baby. We wanted to wait—it's still so soon. What if something happens?"

"It'll be okay, Alice. I won't say anything to anyone if you want to wait, and I'm sorry if you felt that I might be upset with you."

Big tears pooled in Bella's brown eyes, prompting me to start again. "Why can't I stop crying?"

Bella laughed as she cried. "It's the hormones, get used to it."

After a few minutes we got up and went back out to the basket chair.

"You sit there and I'll grab the ginger tea and saltines. Esme used to make it for me when I had morning sickness."

Bella gave me a quick hug before leaving for the kitchen. I stared after her in awe. Her reaction wasn't exactly what I was expected, but I couldn't have been happier with the results.

Later, as we sat curled up in the basket, she asked me why I was scared to tell her.

"Don't be offended, Bells…"

"I won't."

"I thought it would make you sad. You've been going through so much lately, reliving all the pain of losing your baby and your parents. I was afraid that it might be too much, that it might make you miss her more, and…God, I SO don't want to vocalize the rest of this. It's so shitty of me to even think it."

Bella took my hand in hers. "You can tell me, Alice."

"I…I didn't want you to resent me, Jasper and the baby. I NEED you, Bella, and after the mess I made with the whole Adam debacle, well, I don't want to lose you. I've given you so many reasons to kick my ass to the curb, but I don't think I can do this without you."

We tightened our hold on one another in the big wicker basket, clinging to each other. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks again, only this time they were Bella's. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way, but you need to know that I would NEVER begrudge you this. Being a mom was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

"I'm SO excited to go through this with you, if you'll allow me."

I hugged her. "Of course, Bella. I'm so happy you're okay with this."

"Alice, this couldn't have come at a better time. Now that Edward and I are creating a life together again, you can stop worrying about me, and focus on you and the little jellybean in your belly." She tickled me lightly. "Oh! Oh! I just thought of something! I want you to go through the stuff upstairs and pick out what you want, that is, if you want secondhand baby stuff."

My jaw dropped. "You'd…you would really…I…I just don't know what to say, Bella."

Her eyes looked panicked for a moment. "Please don't feel you have to, I just thought that…"

"No, Bella, I'm honoured that you would offer to give us Emma's stuff."

A smile lit up her face. "I couldn't think of anyone better to have it."

"It's perfect, Bella. Jazzy and I are kind of, well, broke, and buying baby stuff is going to be rough. I really appreciate it."

Bella gave me a big squeeze and sighed contentedly. It felt so good to know that she was more than okay with all of this.

"So, who else knows?"

"Emmett."

I jumped when she began to cough and choke. "Really? Emmett? How does no one else know? I love him dearly, but he's got a big mouth."

"I'm sorry he found out first, but it just sort of happened. He promised not to breathe a word about it to anyone, but it seems silly not to say anything to the others now. I guess I'll tell them today."

"Have you told your parents?"

I shook my head. "Nope. I'm not telling them until Christmas, and Jasper, well, he doesn't want to say anything at all to his folks. Mama Hale will have a freaking fit. You know she will blame me for seducing her innocent little angel baby Jasper and all. Fuck, if that woman had any clue whatsoever that her son wasn't a virgin, let alone working in a goddamn PORN store, hell THAT wouldn't float well."

Bella shivered. "I don't envy you telling that monster. Maybe you can send it to her in a memo—I'm sure she'd understand it best if it was written in corporate bullshit."

"Oh my God," I giggled, "that would be hilarious! I wonder what it would say?"

Bella tapped her temple for a moment before grinning. "I got it. _Mrs. Hale, pursuant to a merger between one Alice Brandon and a Mr. Jasper Hale, a new endeavor has been conceived. In nine months time, the product of this merger will be unveiled and named. Please stand by for further correspondence regarding this matter_."

My body shook from the laughter. "Oh God, you need to write that down. That's pure freaking gold!"

Bella and I laughed for a while longer before I turned to her. "I love you, Bella. I'm so glad to have your help."

"I love you too, Alice. This is such an exciting time for you and Jasper and I'm so happy that I get to be a part of it."

_**Bella**_

Edward and I stood hand-in-hand before Emma's room. Esme soon slipped her hand into mine and I could feel everyone moving close. Hands were laid on our shoulders and words of encouragement were whispered in our general direction.

I released myself from everyone's grip and opened the door. It was no different than it had been the other day and really, to be honest, I was feeling good about what we were about to do.

"Okay everyone, you have your instructions, you know what to do," I giggled as I addressed the troops. "Boys, you can do the dismantling of furniture; ladies, let the clothing cataloguing begin."

It was hard not to notice how everyone was staring at me like I was nuts. "Guys, look, this is hard on all of us, but it doesn't have to be somber and horrible. I would really like to get through this with the least amount of tears possible, okay? I'm trying to be upbeat, and no, I'm not losing my mind, which is what someone clearly thinks. Emmett, don't think I didn't see you making _she's crazy_ gestures."

"Hey now!" he complained.

"So, let's do this."

I have to give them credit, because they really did try to get through it with minimal tears. Esme was the first when she held up Emma's christening gown. "Bella, please, can we keep this?"

"Yes, Esme, of course. I wouldn't dream of getting rid of it; that was a very special day for you and Carlisle."

_Edward and I had never been overly religious people, really only ever going to church to appease the Cullens. Esme and Carlisle were both very spiritual people and were very involved in their church. I had wondered how long it would be before they approached us about having Emma christened._

_It was a week and a half._

_They approached us as we were snuggling with Emma in the sun porch one evening and I had a feeling that something was up because they looked so nervous._

"_Kids, there's something we'd like to talk to you about," Carlisle had started, "I know that you understand how important faith and devotion to God is for us, and it would really…well, we'd love it if…I realize that neither one of you is overly interested in…"_

_Esme cut in next. "Sweeties, would you consent to having Emma christened at our church? It would mean the world to us if she could be a part of this very personal and important part of our lives."_

_Edward nudged me and I smiled. "Of course, Esme, we have been wondering when you would approach us about it. We've discussed it and see nothing wrong with it. We have asked Emmett to be her Godfather, and since I don't have any close female friends I would entrust her care to, I'm going to leave the Godmother position open."_

_Emma chose that moment to scrunch up her face and let out a howl. Esme held her hands out and I gladly handed her over and watched the young grandmother soothing her tiny granddaughter._

"_When would you want to do it?" Edward asked, as he stretched his arm out and around my shoulder. I took the opportunity to change position and extend my body to the full length of the large basket._

"_Would next Sunday be too soon? Reverend Hallahan is going on a mission to Togo the following week and we would really rather have him do it over anyone else."_

"_No, that's fine with us, Carlisle. Esme, am I to assume we will need to take a trip to buy a christening gown?"_

_Esme blushed as she looked up from my slightly fussy daughter. "Would it be presumptuous of me to have already purchased one? I saw it a couple of days after she was born and I felt immediately that it was THE ONE. I also had some alterations done to it…" she trailed off, looking back down at Emma._

"_What's wrong? Why are you looking so worried?"_

"_Renee and I co-conspired on it. We wanted it to be extra special, so we had parts of our own gowns added, as well as pieces of yours and Edward's. We couldn't use your fathers' because, well, Charlie was never christened, and Carlisle's had been lost in a fire." She was quiet for a moment, focusing on Emma's plump cheeks. "I really hope you don't mind."_

_I smiled widely at her, feeling choked up by the sweet gesture undertaken by our mothers. "I would be honoured to dress my baby in that. Thank you."_

Esme sighed sadly as she ran her fingers along the lace and pearl work on the tiny garment. "She was so adorable in it, although it was hard to get her wriggling arms into the sleeves. Carlisle was so proud that day, and I think even tough old Charlie had tears in his eyes."

Emmett came over to where we were sitting and reached for the dress. He held it in his big hands, smiling sadly. "It's hard to believe that Baby Em was ever this tiny."

I almost lost my tenuous hold on my emotions when Em brought it to his face and smelled it. There were tears in his eyes when pulled it away. "God," he choked, "even after all these years I can still smell her. I miss the smell of baby."

It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room when poor Emmett fell apart, but it didn't take long for everyone to rush to his side to hug him.

"I'm sorry," he gasped.

"No, no, Son, let it out. You've been holding everything in for so long—it's okay to let it out," Carlisle said softly as he tightened his hold. "You've carried us all through our grief, let us carry you."

Well, that just about did us all in. Everyone was sobbing along with Emmett, hugging and whispering to one another, that is, until Alice cleared her throat.

"I, uh, well, this is so not how and when I initially wanted to say this, but…"

I looked over at Jasper and watched as his eyes grew when he realized what she was about to announce. "Ali? Now? Are you sure?"

She nodded in his direction before turning to face everyone. "I'm pregnant."

Silence. I looked over at Jasper and smiled widely, then over at Emmett, who was still trying to calm down, but I could see the sparkle in his eye. Rose's mouth was wide open in shock, and I had to laugh because Edward's face was her mirror image.

Esme got up and hugged Alice. "Congratulations, darling. Thank you for including us in your announcement."

I moved over to Edward and put my arms around him. My forehead rested against his as my eyes searched his for the truth. I knew he would try to put up a good front, but he would also be hiding his real thoughts, afraid to upset or offend anyone. "Whatcha thinking?"

"I'm happy for them. They're going to be amazing parents."

"Okay, now," I whispered, "the truth."

A heavy sigh eased from his body and washed across my face before he moved his head to speak quietly in my ear. "The truth is that I wish it were you pregnant with my baby."

Wow. That was abrupt. Between him saying that we weren't married yet yesterday, to wanting to knock me up, I have to say that Edward was advancing in leaps and bounds. While I was thrilled about him looking forward to a future together, I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely blown away by what he said. Pulling back a bit, I moved so I could look at his whole face. My hands found his cheeks and held him gently. "Really? You want another baby with me?"

His bronze hair tickled my nose as he nodded. "I do."

"I don't know if I'm ready for this quite yet, Edward. I desperately want to have another baby someday, but we're…we're essentially only now grieving the loss of our first baby. I don't want to…I can't jump into something right away."

It was easy to see that I had said something to upset him. His smile turned into a frown, and he tried to push away from me.

"Edward, wait! I'm not saying no, I'm just saying maybe not now. We need to get Alice and Jasper through their pregnancy first, and we'll see how we're feeling about the idea of having another child after that, okay?

"Please believe me when I say that I want nothing more than to feel our baby kicking my bladder, and hear that fluttery heartbeat on the Doppler at the gyno's office, but I don't know if my heart can handle it right now. Can we talk about this later?"

Any worries I had that he was upset with me melted as I saw that smile I loved so much and felt his hands circling around my waist. "I can wait. We have forever. Now, let's go congratulate them. Everyone is staring at us."

We started walking toward everyone, when he suddenly stopped, pulling me back to him. "Wait, you're extremely calm about this…how long have you known?"

"I only just found out this morning. I was as surprised as you, I think, but I really couldn't be happier for them."

Everyone was watching us as we talked, probably expecting the worst. I turned to face them. "Alice, you already know that I'm over the moon about this. Jasper," I moved over to embrace him, "congrats, Daddy Jazz. You're going to be an amazing father."

Edward approached him when I moved on to Alice. We watched them closely as they struggled with the moment and how to handle it. Finally, Edward pulled Jazz into a hug. "You're a lucky man, Jasper, Alice is going to be a great mom, and I hope you'll come to me if you need anything."

I giggled when I heard him whisper, "We'll talk hormones and late-night cravings later."

Rose, after finally snapping out of her haze, squealed and rushed to hug her brother and best friend. "I'm going to be an aunt! Hells yeah!"

Emmett moved to my side, putting an arm around my shoulders before kissing the top of my head. "You cool with this, Baby Girl?"

I leaned into him and grinned as I watched my somewhat unorthodox family celebrating the beginning of a new life while just nanoseconds ago we were all mourning the loss of three. "I am cool as a cucumber, Emmy, a very happy cucumber."

Once the hubbub of Alice's announcement had settled, we went back to work on the task at hand, only now the mood was much more elevated. People were calling out to ask Alice and Jasper about various items they might want to claim.

By dinnertime we had dismantled the furniture, boxed and labeled everything according to where it would be going: STAY, ALICE, CHARITY, and rendered the room virtually unrecognizable. Part of me was incredibly sad about it; it was another piece of my baby gone, but on the flipside, it lightened the load on my heart.

I stood alone in the room, surveying the change while clutching my locket. "Always in my heart, sweet girl, you're always in my heart."

Edward and I went to bed shortly after a very lighthearted family dinner. I was tired and didn't want to chance another episode, and I also wanted to talk with Edward about the little hints and blatant comments he'd been making about our futures.

It was hard to focus with his heart beating below my ear, while one set of agile fingers was running through my hair, and the other composed a silent melody on my back. The corners of my mouth turned up as I relaxed further onto him.

"Love?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Are you serious about wanting to have another baby?"

"Yes." _In fact, someday I want a dozen kids, but I'm not telling you that right now._

"Does it scare you?"

"Yeah. Big time."

His head moved so he could see my face better. "Me too, but I'd like to hear your fears before I tell you mine, if that's okay with you."

I silently replayed several things I wanted to vocalize and foolishly imagined the various reactions he might have. I couldn't honestly admit to myself that I had any inkling whatsoever of how he would react.

"Bella? Are you still awake?" he asked, nudging me gently.

"Yeah, I'm just…"

"Over thinking?"

I chuckled. "You know me too well. Yeah, I'm totally over thinking." Knowing that things could get weird, I took a deep breath to steel myself against it before continuing.

"I'm scared that…God, I don't even know how to put this without sounding horrible. I'm scared that this baby will live in Emma's shadow. I don't want that to happen—I want our baby to have his or her life and to not always be compared to its dead sister. I don't want new memories to be marred by sentences beginning with _remember when Emma…_"

"I agree. That was one of my concerns as well. What else?"

"Can I love another baby the way I love Emma? What if we had a baby and I couldn't find that same connection?"

Edward moved so that his arms wrapped around me tightly in a gesture that was both very sweet and comforting. "Again, I share this very fear with you. Is there anything else?"

My mind reeled at the thought of verbalizing my next, very big concern. My throat began to constrict and my tear ducts burned. As hard as I tried to stifle it, a tiny sob pushed its way to the surface. Before I knew it, Edward had sat up so he was cradling me in his lap.

"It's okay, love, you can talk to me about anything. When you're ready, I'll be here to listen."

In a way that only Edward could do it, I calmed down easily and took a second to breathe before saying what I had to say.

"Baby, I'm scared that…I don't want…" I sighed, annoyed. Why was it so damn hard to say it? "I'm scared to love another baby in case it dies."

Edward exhaled loudly before placing a gentle kiss against my temple. "Would it help if I said that I'm also afraid of that same thing?"

I nodded against his chest as I ran my fingers through the sparse hair on his abdomen.

"Your fears are my fears, love, but I have faith that we can work through them. Maybe we could find a therapist when we go home to get some help working through this."

Wait…what? I lifted my chin so I could see him. "You HATE therapists."

"Yeah, but I love you, I loved having a child with you and I want to try again. I want us to have a family, be a family, let our love grow into another being. I know it won't be the same, but maybe this time it will be a little easier—we're older now, better prepared.

"I want to marry you, Bella. I want to have babies with you, and I want to grow old with you."

My heart ballooned with the joy of hearing those words come from his luscious mouth.

"I know we're only just getting reacquainted, but I don't want to live without you. I'd like us to move in together and start making our new normal. Am I being too forward?" he asked quietly.

"No, I want this too, but…"

He suddenly looked scared. "But what?"

"I…there's…I have another fear, Edward." He needed to know what this one was before it was too late. I wanted him to have an out if he needed it.

"You can tell me, Bella. What is it that's scaring you?"

"What if my head injury issues get worse? What if I start having seizures all the time and we have a baby and I'm not allowed to be home alone with it? I'm not allowed to drive, either, so how am I supposed to get the baby to the doctor if it gets sick? What if I have a really bad seizure and end up incapacitated? Then what, Edward? What if…?"

Edward silenced me with a kiss that was neither chaste, nor lustful, it tasted of reassurance and felt like hope.

"That's an awful lot of _what ifs_, Bella, my love. We can't have a future based on the hypothetical and potentially irrational fears. I mean, what if Em and I hadn't walked into the store that night? What if we had never met up again? What if Emma had never been born? What if Gilligan's ship had never wrecked on the island? What if Reese hadn't combined chocolate and peanut butter into little pieces of delicious?"

I giggled at the mundane nature of his hypotheticals and relaxed a little. "Okay, point taken. But seriously, we have to take my health issues into consideration."

"Your concern has merit and has been noted," he said, smiling. "Let's get some sleep and we can talk some more tomorrow. I love you."

I tipped my mouth to meet his. "I love you too, Edward."

Sleep came quickly for Edward, but not so much for me. The spinning cogs in my brain refused to let my exhausted body rest. Question upon question went off like firecrackers, moving too quickly to even begin to process. Most were easily recognizable as being completely unrealistic, impossible, and downright ridiculous, and yet they caused me the most worry.

_What if the baby caught my brain damage?_ Stupid, right? Brain damage isn't contagious.

_What if I forget to feed the baby?_ Not likely, but always possible.

_What if Edward gets frustrated and leaves again?_ Hmm…

Can't think about that one.

CAN'T think about that one.

Can't NOT think about that one.

Sleep came, but it was far from kind. My mind wrestled with my heart and my dreams were laced with more than the Sandman's harmless sleeping sand. And, when I heard Edward's voice in my dream, promising he'd never leave me again, and I relived that moment in the cemetery from just days ago when I forgave him; it made sense. I loved Edward too much to wade in doubts of his loyalty.

When I woke in the morning, I made sure that I fulfilled something else. I woke him with kisses and loved him with my body, my mind, and more importantly, my heart.

"What was all that about?" he asked, panting as he rolled off me.

"I wanted you to know how much I love you. I needed you to feel how much I need you, and it is important for you to understand that I don't take US for granted and that I AM serious about a future with you, including starting a family."

Edward rolled back over to me, pouring his remaining energy into a toe-curling, passionate kiss, before pulling me atop him to sleep a little longer. Today would be hard; today the family says goodbye to the past and takes that first tentative step into the future. Together.

* * *

**Phew, thank God Alice's secret is out in the open. I don't know how much longer Emmett would have held out.**

**So, I have had numerous discussions with my dream team and we have come to the conclusion that _Encore_ needs to end soon. There are likely 3-5 more chapters to go, depending on how long-winded the characters are being.**

**PLEASE PUT DOWN YOUR PROJECTILES AND ROTTEN FRUIT! THERE'S MORE!**

**There will be a sequel because there are just too many unfinished things in this story. It just seemed logical since B&E are really making headway, and Encore was the story of their second chance for finding happiness with each other and dealing with their profound losses. They've done a good job of doing that, right? Now it's everyone else's turn.**

**More details will be available in coming chapters.**

**Because _Emancipation Proclamation_ is still owning me, I only have a couple of new recs for you this week and be warned, they're pretty dark:**

**_Like the Shadow_ by americnxidiot  
_Dark Possession_ by lambcullen  
_Mine Alone_ by Windd Singer **

**Before I let you go...I wanted to thank each and every one of you for making this story such a success and for being such amazing readers. See you next Thursday.**


	41. Chapter 41

*******I'm putting you on tissue alert.*****  
The gang is going to the cemetery.  
You've been warned.  
**

**Please read the stupidly long A/N at the end. Please? I'm begging you.**

**

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

Alice smiled at me and I returned a grin at her reflection in the mirror. She and Rose were flitting about doing hair and make up for Esme and me. I argued against it, I mean it was just the family gathering at the cemetery, but the girls thought it might be nice for everyone to dress up a little. While I protested by saying that I didn't have a dress, Alice squealed and ran out to the guest room, returning with a simple black dress she had picked up in Port Angeles. Rose had searched through Esme's closet to find something for them both to wear, as most of what Rose had brought with her or bought in Port Angeles was a little flashier than what would be considered cemetery chic.

Esme took me aside, away from the girls to have a word with me. "Bella, I wouldn't normally pry, but I think that this is the girls' way of being a part of this. They didn't know Emma or your parents, so this is likely a little awkward for them."

I hadn't thought about that. I looked over Esme's shoulder to where the girls were matching dresses with accessories and shoes. They were willing to be active participants in this difficult day because they love me, not because they had to. I suppose… "I guess so. It's the least I can do, but I draw the line at heels. I am NOT wearing heels to the cemetery."

"I think we can work on making concessions," she replied, laughing. "How are you doing, anyway?"

"I'm good. I mean, I wish we didn't have to do this, but it's important that we do." I started to walk back to Esme's room, but she stopped me, looking a little nervous.

"I need to tell you something, Bella, and I hope that you won't be upset. Please keep an open mind."

"Oh no, what is it? You're starting to scare me."

Esme took a deep breath and the butterflies in my stomach suddenly became bloodthirsty vultures. "Carlisle made arrangements for…for Reverend Hallahan to come out to perform a blessing, say a prayer, to offer comfort. He's been part of our lives for years, and he was the one who christened Emma. Carlisle and I know that you…"

I cut her off. "I know I've made it clear that my relationship with God is on rocky ground, but I would never deny your need for spiritual comfort. If it will ease your hearts, then I will respect it."

I was taken by surprise when Esme flung her arms around me and squeezed tightly. "Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to Carlisle and I."

"I think I do."

_**Edward**_

Emmett fumbled with his tie again for the ten thousandth time before turning to me with a pout on his face.

"Really, Em, you need to learn how to tie your own tie one of these days. I won't always be around to do it for you."

"We'll just have to be next door neighbours, that's all," he said, teasing.

Rolling my eyes, I turned to help him with his knot. "Now, watch closely, Em. I'm sure some of the kids in your class could tie this better than you." I finished up and patted his chest. "There you go, Big Guy. You're all set. Now don't go getting all dirty, you hear me? You don't want Mommy to get mad."

In a true fit of upper level maturity, my dear older brother actually blew a raspberry at me. Raising my hand slowly, I wiped the errant spittle from my face, scowling. "Nice, Emmett. Do you teach that trick to your kids?"

Jasper ducked in to straighten his tie in front of the mirror. I pointed at him and looked at my brother. "Look, Em, even Jasper knows how to tie his own damn tie!"

Hands up in surrender, Emmett mumbled something about _cocky bastards_ or _little bitches_ or something like that before leaving the room.

"Don't fuck with that tie, numb nuts!" I shouted after him.

Jasper chuckled as he observed his reflection in the mirror. Something was off. I mean, I don't know him all that well, but it was easy to see that something was bothering him. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He messed up his hair before turning around to lean on the counter so he was facing away from the mirror. "We can talk later. Today is probably not a good time."

I joined him, resting my ass beside his on the counter. "Why not? Today is…well, today is just a formality, really. It's to help Bella get the closure she needs. I've already done this, although I don't remember much about it." I looked over at him. "So, what's eating you?"

"Ah, shit, Edward, you know better than anyone else what's eating me. This baby thing is going to turn my sexy blond hair grey. I'm happy about it, don't get me wrong, but I'm terrified of failing both Alice and the baby."

Putting an arm around his shoulder, I mock-sighed before addressing him. "Ah, Jazzy, you have much to learn, my young grasshopper friend, but lucky for you, you've got me. I don't profess to be an expert, but I'll help in any way I can. Clearly I was doing something right, as there is no grey in this mass of bronze perfection. Please don't hesitate to ask for ANYTHING, okay?"

The poor guy nodded, not really looking much any more convinced.

"My biggest advice to you right now? Get lots of sleep and practice saying, _Yes, Alice; I was wrong, Alice,_ and _you're the most beautiful woman on the planet._"

"But I already think that!"

"Ah, but words aren't always enough. She needs to see, feel, and know in no uncertain terms that you truly believe that, and when you can do that, my son, then you will be a man."

His head flopped back until it hit the mirror. "Aw, man, you're freaking me out."

"No worries, Jazz, I meant it, I'll be there for you and I'm pretty sure that Bella will get Alice through it too. You guys are in good hands. Now, let's go find our girls for final inspection."

Emmett met us in the hall and put his arms around our shoulders. "Alright, boys, let's do it."

For some reason it felt like he was trying to give a locker room pep talk on the day of the big game. Only it wasn't a football game we were marching off to, it was a memorial service for three of our loved ones. All of a sudden something in me shifted and I realized that something felt wrong. It wasn't just something, it was this whole thing that feels wrong. A mixture of panic and anger began to stir deep inside as I thought about what was about to happen and I realized that I didn't _want_ to go through this again, and I didn't think that I _could_ do this again. My hands began to tremble and my chest tightened as flashes of the original funeral flashed before me.

Then, just as soon as the panic began, it ebbed with one word. "Edward?" The sound of Bella's voice brought me back and as I looked down at her, I realized that if she could do this, then so could I.

The family gathered in the foyer looking entirely too handsome to be going to a memorial service. We all looked like we'd stepped off the pages of GQ and Vogue.

Dad, Emmett and I went out to the garage to pull the cars around. Emmett would take Mom's Mercedes, Dad was taking his, and I was using the Audi. I didn't even have to ask him to take it, he handed me the keys, winked, and told me to be safe with his baby.

It seemed a little excessive to take so many cars, and I argued that point to my parents, but they thought it best if Bella and I have a vehicle of our own in case we wanted some alone time after. It was polite of them to consider our needs like that, but I didn't think that I would want to spend any extra time at the cemetery. Besides, the sky was clouding over and it looked like it would likely end up raining within the next hour or two. I hope someone thought to pack umbrellas just in case.

Bella smiled as I opened her door. "Edward, you are entirely too handsome for your own good."

My eyes roamed her body most inappropriately. "I could say the same about you, love. You are breathtaking."

We sat in awkward silence as we drove behind the other cars. I felt Bella's hand curling over mine, lacing our fingers together, and I sighed in relief when I felt the inexplicable but omnipresent spark where our skin touched. I'm pretty sure I heard her sigh as well, her posture relaxing.

"Are you…is this…?" I asked quietly, unsure of what exactly I was trying to say.

"We'll be fine, Edward. We've already said goodbye; we're just there for moral support. This is important for your family, and really, I think it's touching that they're going to such great lengths."

"More like overboard," I mumbled. My mood was quickly dropping and I could feel the anger beginning to boil again just under the surface. Why was I so damn pissed off about this? I needed to rein it in, and quickly, before I snapped at Bella; she didn't deserve that. Not today. I was amazed at just how strong she was being and I hoped that she wasn't putting on a front to appease everyone else. But wait, isn't that exactly what I'm doing?

I heard her sigh again, but this time it sounded sad. "Can you please do this? For them?"

I turned my head to look at her when we reached a stop sign. She reached out to touch my cheek, and I sighed again. Man, I'm turning into Eeyore with all the extraneous sighing, crying, and lamenting. My emo-melancholy state had reduced me to children's book donkey status.

"Okay, it's just hard, Bella. This is my third time doing this, and I'm telling you now that it's not getting any easier."

A horn honking behind us alerted me to the fact that we were still sitting at that crossroad. There was no traffic coming, and still we sat there. I waved to them as a gesture of apology instead of flipping them the bird as I had initially wanted to, as I put the car in gear as we continued along our way. "I feel bad that Alice, Jasper and Rosalie are going through this—they didn't even know them."

"No, but they love us, and are just as much a part of this family now as anyone else. This is their way of loving and supporting us. If I thought it was bothering them I would have asked them to stay back at the house. Besides, I want them there. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I could use the extra people to lean on."

We pulled slowly up the lane to the cemetery, then toward the back, where we could see the stone angel beckoning us. I seethed when I spotted it. We shouldn't be here. We should have to do this again. There shouldn't be an angel standing guard over their graves when no one thought to have one look over them on the day of the accident.

Come on, Edward, smarten up. Pull back the anger.

The minister was there already and greeting my parents. I sat in the car and watched as he was introduced to our friends, then stared over at our car.

"Edward? Are you coming?" I jumped, startled by Bella's voice on my left. She had gotten out of the car and moved over to the driver's side while I had been ruminating. "Come on, baby, we should get this over with sooner rather than later because there are clouds moving in."

I looked over at her and stopped breathing for a second. How was she able to be so strong right now? This was really for her sake more than anyone's and she was being so tough and so…so assertive.

"Breathe, baby," she said softly, running her fingers through my hair, "we'll get through this together, like we should have the first time. I should have been here with you."

"But you…" I couldn't get the words out. I wanted to look at her and say, _but you were dying and I wasn't there with you, so why are you being so kind to me now?_

Her cool hands framed my face as she leaned in for a kiss. "Now's the time when we write a new chapter, baby. Let's do this right."

I nodded and allowed her to pull me from the car. We held each other for a moment—I needed to feel her, let her thrumming heartbeat calm my own. When I felt more able to face it, I kissed her head and led her toward the others.

"Oh, wait!" she said suddenly, "I forgot to bring…"

_**Bella**_

Edward reached into his coat and pulled out Bunny Fou Fou. "This?"

I sighed in relief. "I tried to find him at the house but then Alice got sick and we had to clean her up. Thank you." I leaned in and kissed his nose.

He smiled at me as he handed over the bunny. I thought about it for a moment before passing it back. I knew Bunny held a greater meaning to him; maybe he'd find more strength in having it than I would. "Why don't you hold him?"

My heart stuttered when I saw the relieved smile on his face. "Thank you."

Reverend Hallahan approached us, smiling. "Edward, Bella, it's so nice to see you." He shook Edward's hand, but gave me a bone-crushing hug. "Bella, you are nothing short of a miracle. Look at you!"

"Thank you, sir, and thank you for being here today. I know it means a lot to us, but even more so for Carlisle and Esme."

I watched the wrinkles pucker up around his eyes as he smiled at us. "You are all very special people to us, dear; it's an honour and a privilege for me to do this. Now," he stepped back, "shall we join the others and begin?"

We gathered like a solemn gang of overdressed models in front of where my family lay. I stifled a very inappropriate giggle when I looked around at everyone and realized just how ridiculous we looked in our designer clothes and shoes. Perhaps we'd have made more sense being at Hugo Boss or Calvin Klein's funeral.

Edward squeezed my hand, putting an end to my snickers. He silently asked me if I was okay, and I nodded as solemnly as I could.

Reverend Hallahan cleared his throat before he began to speak. Esme, who was standing to my right, holding my hand, gave me a squeeze and a sad smile.

"Friends and family, we are gathered here today to celebrate the lives and take solace in the beloved memories of Charles and Renee Swan and of little Emma Cullen, who were taken from us very suddenly and all too early, five years ago.

"Time helps heal the wounds of such a tragedy, but the void they leave behind is often hard to fill. Let us use today as a way to help fill that emptiness with joyful memories of three lives well-lived, and three people well-loved."

I heard Carlisle mumble an amen when the good Reverend paused.

"Let us pray."

Edward's grip on my hand intensified, so I squeezed his gently, reminding him that he wasn't alone.

"Father, we gather here today as friends and family of your children, Charles, Renee, and Emma. We pray that they have found peace with you and ask that you shower us with blessings so that those still mourning the great loss will find peace in this tragedy.

"We know that you work in great and magnificent ways and trust in your reasons for calling our loved ones home to you.

"Father, we pray that this family, still grieving after all these years, finds peace and comfort in knowing that their beloveds are with you, in your kingdom, free of pain, free of sadness. We pray that you will watch over Isabella and Edward, the young grieving daughter of Charles and Renee and the parents of little Emma; Carlisle and Esme, the heartbroken grandparents, and Emmett, the doting uncle. Five years is a long time to carry a burden so heavy, so Lord, we ask that you lighten their hearts, cradle their souls, and allow them to find joy in the everyday and move forward."

I heard a sniffle coming from beside me, so I squeezed Esme's hand, and pulled her in closer to me.

"Father, we thank you for the time we had with our friends, our families, our loved ones, and pray that we might one day find them by your side when we ourselves leave this earthly body. Amen."

A chorus of subdued amens followed his, and there was silence until Emmett cleared his throat and began singing _Amazing Grace._

I looked up and saw that he had moved out of our semi-circle to stand in the centre, facing the stones. His voice started weak, cracking every few notes, but as he continued, it grew stronger. Edward leaned his head on mine and I felt his body shaking. I released my hand from Esme's grip to wrap both of my arms around him as he cried.

As hard as I tried, I couldn't keep my own tears at bay and it wasn't long before I was also sobbing quietly. It was hard to describe what I was feeling at that moment; I was incredibly moved by Emmett's singing, that much I knew for sure. It was cutting straight through to my soul and I would have been moved to tears hearing him sing that song under any circumstances. Seriously, what is it about _Amazing Grace_ that makes people want to cry? Isn't it supposed to be a comforting song?

My heart was hurting because Edward was falling apart and I knew this was hard for him. I wanted nothing more than to drag him off and comfort him. Putting him through this AGAIN was cruel, but it needed to be done.

I looked at Emma's tiny stone and my mind flashed to happier days but also to the profound feeling of loss I had felt when I realized that my baby was gone, that I'd never see her, hear her laugh, hold her, smell her, or kiss her again.

Esme had moved over to hug Edward and me, and when Emmett finished singing, he turned back and hugged each of us individually. When I felt his big arms wrapping around me, I broke apart. "Thank you," I managed to choke out. "That was beautiful."

"I love you, Baby Girl. I'm so fucking glad we got to keep you, that we're not here standing over you."

Esme leaned in and I had to chuckle when I heard her say, "Emmett, watch your language!"

Well, that broke the tension. Everyone began to snicker, and before I knew it, my tears of sadness had quickly shifted to tears of laughter.

"Love you, Em. Oh my God, I love you fiercely," I said, hugging him harder.

Reverend Hallahan cleared his throat. "Carlisle asked me to say something today, to give you something to think about, to comfort you. Normally I would have a small sermon prepared, but instead, I want to impart the words of an Irish prayer someone once showed me.

"What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch. We may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say goodbye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget. We will see you again someday, in a heavenly place where there is no parting. A place where there are no words that mean goodbye.

"I'd like you to take a moment and reflect on the lives of Charles, Renee, and little Emma and not focus on their departures from this earthly place."

We all grasped hands as we reflected on the good, or at least that's what I was doing, and I'm assuming that's what Em was doing because he started to laugh.

"Oh my God, remember the time Baby Em was in time out for stomping on Mom's foot and she smeared poop all over the walls!"

I couldn't hold back the laughter and it wasn't long before Esme began to giggle beside me. Soon, we were all laughing, even Reverend Hallahan.

"If I may," he said, "there was one time when Esme brought her to the church when she was dropping off some items for a rummage sale. Emma took off and by the time we found her, she was banging away at the pipe organ, singing as loud as she could. When she stopped, she said she was going to be like her Daddy when she grew up."

We laughed until Edward pulled away.

"What is it, baby?" I asked as I followed him.

"It's not funny!"

"Why?"

He was seething with anger, pulling at his hair as he walked away from me. When he finally turned back to face me, I saw a side of him I had never seen. He was furious, he was heartbroken, and it scared me to see him like this. I watched in horrific silence as he continued. "It's not funny BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GROW UP! SHE'S DUST! SHE IS PERPETUALLY _ALMOST_ THREE BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GET TO GROW UP! IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR! WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS? WHAT DID WE DO THAT WAS SO BAD TO MAKE _GOD_," he sneered when he said the last word, "TAKE AWAY OUR FUCKING BABY AND YOUR GODDAMN PARENTS! WERE WE THAT HORRIBLE?"

I pulled him to me and held him while he sobbed. I looked up to see Carlisle approaching us.

"Thank God," he said quietly.

Edward lifted his head and snapped at his father. "For what?"

"That's the first time I have heard you rage out like that. I've seen you get upset, but not like this."

_**Edward**_

I was floored by my father's statement. I didn't understand what he was trying to say. "You WANTED me to get mad? Well, hate to break it to you, but I've been pissed off for five fucking years, Dad," I spat at him. What the hell was he talking about? Me, not be mad?

"You've barely shown it; you've repressed it."

I felt the anger building up and started pacing to let off some steam. I waved my arms like a lunatic and shouted at the sky. "I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF! Is that what you want to hear?" I looked at my father, whose face was pissing me off even more because he almost looked smug. "I AM ANGRY BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE DIDN'T CHECK HIS BRAKES AND HE DESTROYED MY CHILD, HE BROKE MY BELLA AND RUINED MY FUTURE! I AM TIRED OF BEING MAD AND HIDING IT! I AM EXHAUSTED AND…"

And what? I'm exhausted. I am…

Bella's hand found my cheek and guided my gaze down to hers. She was crying again, all because of me. Great, there I go screwing everything up again. But then she smiled at me before she spoke very quietly.

"And what, baby?"

I buried my face in her hair, unable to look at her anymore. "I love you. I'm tired, I'm…I'm just tired."

Dad moved a little closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Do you feel better?"

After doing a quick mental inventory, I realized that I did, so I nodded to him.

"Are you ready to finish?" he asked, unsure.

Again, I nodded. Bella leaned up on tip toes to give me a kiss. "We'll do this together, baby."

We walked back over to the group. Jasper, Alice and Rose were sitting on the bench. Poor Alice was looking beyond sick, and I felt bad about holding things up. I walked over to her and handed her the bunny, which had been nestled in my pocket. "Here, Alice, I'm sorry about this. I know you're not feeling well. Maybe Bunny Fou Fou will make you feel better."

Her eyes filled with tears as she took the bunny and cradled it gently in her arms. "Thank you, Edward."

I smiled at her. "We're almost done. Please stay seated. Can I get you some water?"

"Esme went to get some," Jasper said before planting a kiss on Alice's head.

I saw Reverend Hallahan speaking to Emmett and instantly felt horrible. I needed to apologize to him.

"Reverend? I'm terribly sorry about that. I…I guess I've been repressing a lot of anger."

He put a hand on my shoulder and squeeze gently. "Son, your parents and I have prayed for this moment to happen. You aren't truly able to move on until you can get beyond the anger." He smiled at me as he continued. "I'm confident you and Bella are ready to take the next step."

"Thank you, sir. Let's get on with this before poor Alice loses what's left of her breakfast."

And so it continued. Reverend Hallahan prayed for the three of them, for us, and that was that. I had been so tense, so resentful before my outburst that it had been hard to really listen, take notice of what was happening, but now that the anger had lifted, I didn't want the stone angel to fall on his head anymore, and I didn't want to suddenly develop laser beams in my eyes and zap him into oblivion. I felt bad about that too, because he wasn't the bad guy in this at all, he was trying to help.

I listened to his words of hope, of healing, and I saw for the first time the comfort it was bringing to my parents. In my selfish anger, I had missed so much.

Bella looked up at me, smiling, and I genuinely returned her smile. The same with my parents; when they looked over to check on me, I truly smiled at them.

Reverend Hallahan ended the service saying that we should each consider having a private moment before we left. Rose appeared with bouquets of sunflowers, roses, and calla lilies, handing one of each flower to us. Jasper, Alice, and Rose went first, surprising me. They were quick, reverent, and it was a truly sweet gesture since they hadn't known them beyond the stories they'd heard.

Mom went next, and we watched as she bent to place her flowers in front of the stones and place a kiss on each one until she reached Emma, where she stayed a little longer. Bella tensed up beside me, so I pulled her closer to place a kiss on her cheek.

Dad went after Mom, again spending more time with Emma's little stone.

Emmett followed Dad and we watched in amusement as he fist-bumped Charlie's stone, kissed his palm and placed it gently on Renee's, and then sat down in front of Emma's, where we were witnessed to the horrible sight of him falling apart.

Rose moved quickly to his side, cradling his head in her arms and leaning in to whisper to him. I observed as she tenderly wiped away his tears and kissed him sweetly. She led him away soon after, prompting Bella to let go of me and step forward.

"I won't be long, baby," she said softly, "I've already said my goodbyes."

She stopped before her father's stone, placed a kiss on it and a rose at the base. She repeated this for her mother, and took just an extra minute for Emma. I gave her a hug and a kiss when she returned to me, before moving to say my own goodbyes.

"Charlie, I'm sorry I've been such a shit and I want you to know that I'm more than able and willing to be the man that Bella deserves. I hope it's okay with you that I'm going to ask her to marry me."

A crow cawed in the distance, scaring the shit out of me. "I hope that was a yes, sir."

I placed the calla lily on Renee's stone. "I'm sorry I broke your baby girl's heart, Renee, and I want to promise that I'm going to fix everything and be the man that she deserves.

"I miss you, Renee. I miss our talks and I really miss your laugh. Thank you for always being you. Take good care of my baby girl and I'll look after yours."

I twirled the sunflower in my hand as I looked down at Emma's stone. "Baby, sweetie, Daddy misses you so much, but I want you to know that things are getting better. I'm going to marry your mama and hopefully someday we'll be bringing a baby brother or sister to meet you.

"I know you are always in my heart and I hope you stay with me forever. Here's a sunflower, baby. Remember how we used to sing the sunshine song to Mama and make her smile? Well, whenever I see a sunflower, I think of you and smile, because YOU are my sunshine…" I began singing quietly,

"You are my sunshine  
My only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are grey  
You'll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away."

At that moment the sun broke through the clouds and I swear that one beam of light was shining on me.

"Thank you, baby. Daddy loves you always."

* * *

**Did you make it through? I promise that this is probably the last bit of heartfail in this story...  
...except for my own heartfail. I'm trying to tie things up, Minna, Katmom and I plotted and planned, and things aren't going according to plan, the characters aren't cooperating and I've been struggling. A LOT. I want this story to end properly, and although there is a sequel coming up, I still want to give Encore the love and care it deserves.**

**That being said, I am SOOO sorry, but there is no sneak peek at the next chapter, because I don't know if what I've written is going to make the cut. I know a lot of you guys like the sneak peeks, and I wish I had one for you, but I don't, and I'm feeling extremely guilty about it. I am also feeling badly that there may be a bit of a delay in posting. I'll do what I can to keep things flowing, but there's no guarantee. I really am sorry.**

**I need to thank TracyGoodey for the wonderful quote she sent me that Reverend Hallahan uses in this chapter. She sent it to me on a day when I needed it, and I can't thank her enough. She's been a great reader and reviewer and she deserves to be recognized. :)**

**I also need to thank Minna and Katmom for putting up with my crap lately.**

**Recs for this week (so I can end this long A/N)**

**_The Groupie_ by JustForkIt (a normal-sized Bella? YAY!)  
_Voice for Me_ by PachasPickMeUp (an incredible story about a Deaf Bella that educates as it entertains and endears)  
_Why the Heck Not?_ by Madeleine Jade (the third part of _Can't Let Go/The Daily Grind _series-little to no angst, and an Emmett to die for!)**


	42. Chapter 42

**Congratulations! You survived Thanksgiving! Guess what? Now it's time for Christmas!**

**I can pretty much guarantee that the tissue warning on this chapter is MUCH, MUCH lower.**

**This is the chapter that almost wasn't and the one that caused me the most grief to write. HUMONGOUS thanks to Katmom and Minna for putting me back together.**

**To my Emmett-loving friends, this chapter is brimming with Emmy goodness.**

**

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

"Happy holidays, Bella!"

I grinned as Irina wrapped me in a big hug. "You too, Irina."

A wave of cold air hit me as we entered her office, bringing on a strong body shiver. "Brr! Are they trying to freeze you out?"

"Yes, dear, I think they are. I'm much too ornery for the administration to handle; I think they're trying to force me into early retirement. Blanket?" she asked, holding out a colourful worn wool blanket. "I've got a space heater set up so we can huddle around it while we chat. The water is already on to boil; we'll have hot tea in our hands momentarily."

"What kind are we having today?" I asked, pulling the blanket around my shoulders as I followed her over to our chairs.

"Candy cane in honour of the holidays. I would have offered you some of my famous egg nog if I wasn't under strict orders not to feed you booze."

My first reaction to that statement was to get annoyed that I no longer had the choice of whether I wanted to have a drink or not, then I smiled a little because I knew that my family and friends had my best interest at heart. "Maybe next year?"

Irina smiled as she brought over two steaming mugs of aromatic peppermint tea. I spent a moment breathing in the vapours, noting how the tea affected each of my senses before tasting it. "Mm, that's nice."

We quietly enjoyed our tea for a few minutes as was customary. Irina believed in allowing the tea to cleanse the mind and relax the body before we began our sessions.

We were working on refining my character sketches and writing out significant moments in my life. "Anything and everything you can think of is valid," she had said. "We may not use it all, but it all counts. Nothing written is ever for naught."

My assignment for this session was to write about Christmas. I wrote out several memories and brought them to her for her perusal.

I was surprised when Irina passed me a box as I passed her my assignment to read over. "Merry Christmas, Bella."

My mouth made a perfect O as I opened the lid on the box. Inside was what looked to be a very old copy of one of my favourite books, The Little Prince. I very gently opened it up and gasped. "IRINA! I can't possibly accept this! It's a first edition!"

She didn't look up as she spoke. "You can and you will, now shush, I'm trying to read. Oh, and see the bookmarks? Read the sections I've flagged. They made me think of you.

_If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among the millions and millions of stars, that's enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars. He tells himself, 'My flower is up there somewhere…' But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it's as if, suddenly, all the stars went out._

Hmm. Irina's trying to tell me something.

"Check out the second passage," Irina said absently. "I think Edward might identify with it."

I found the page and read quietly to myself. _In those days, I didn't understand anything. I should have judged her according to her actions, not her words. She perfumed my planet and lit up my life. I should never have run away! I ought to have realized the tenderness underlying her silly pretensions. Flowers are so contradictory! But I was too young to know how to love her._

Wow. While it wasn't completely spot on in context, it was true.

"Irina?"

"Mm-hm?"

"Thank you."

"Sh, reading."

I curled up under the wool blanket with the priceless old book, smiling as I let the familiar words entertain me. It had been YEARS since I had read it; Edward and I used to take turns reading it to one another when we were kids.

"Bella? You want a tissue?"

"Oh crap, I'm crying. Sorry, they're happy tears. I'm just terribly moved by your gift. I'm afraid my present for you will seem incredibly inadequate and petty."

Irina tsk-tsked me, removing her bifocals as she looked at me. "Bella dear, you have been such a wonderful gift to me just by being you. I wasn't expecting anything in the first place, so it's a wonderful surprise."

I laughed at her. "You don't even know what it is."

"I'm sure I'll love it."

I pulled a small box out of my bag, handing it to her. "It's really not much."

Irina clapped her hands and cheered when she opened the box. "It's the most perfect gift you could give an old broad like me. Who wouldn't want a lifetime subscription to Tea of the Month Club and a new bodum? It's sublime!"

#####

Christmas at the Cullens' was a semi-quiet affair, well, with the exception of Emmett waking everyone up Christmas morning running through the house screaming, "It's Christmas, mofos! Get up and let's open some presents!"

I couldn't help but laugh at his exuberance. "He never changes, does he?"

Edward groaned when he saw the time, then pulled my body close to his. "This is…different."

I rolled over so I faced him, placing a kiss on his nose. "How so?"

"Christmas has been almost non-existent here for the past few years. I was away the first year and Mom was a mess as you know, and Emmett spent it with you at the hospital, didn't he?"

I nodded, thinking back to that day briefly. "He brought me the saddest-looking Charlie Brown tree for my room."

Edward leaned in for a proper kiss, which might have escalated to something that would have made my day a lot merrier had Emmett not burst through the door. "GET OUT OF BED! IT'S MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS!"

We both groaned, but then laughed when Esme called up from downstairs. "I heard that! Watch your language, young man or I'll take away all of your presents!"

All three of us started laughing hysterically, Em flopping happily down onto the bed with us. A very exhausted-looking Rosalie soon joined us, snuggling in behind me and sighing. "I may have to rethink my relationship with him if this is what I have to look forward to. Sweet merciful fuck, it's too damn early for this shit."

I reached back and gave her a squeeze. "We should have warned you. I would have if I had known he was still so…into it."

Emmett began bouncing on the bed. "Please, guys? Please get up? Don't make me steamroller you."

"NO!" Edward and I screamed. I sat up immediately and altogether too fast. My head started spinning and I fell back. "Jesus, Em, cut a poor girl a break wouldya? Why don't you go get ready and give me a minute to stop the spins?"

"Sorry, Baby Girl, I forgot. I'll go help Mom with breakfast; you guys take your time."

He was so forlorn that I almost felt guilty. "Em?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's my hug?"

He smiled brightly, his dimples appearing. "Yeah?"

I nodded and motioned for him to come back to the bed. He crawled over Rose to plop down on top of me. "Merry Christmas, Baby Girl."

We four lay there in silence until Emmett began snoring. Rose whispered a quiet "thank God," and we all went back to sleep.

"Carlisle, grab the camera quick, before they wake up!"

I peeked over the top of Emmett's head and saw Esme standing in the doorway, smiling. She waved when she noticed that I was awake, motioning for me to be quiet. I winked at her to let her know I had understood. It would have been better for me to give her a thumbs' up, but Emmett had me and Rosalie pinned underneath him.

Edward stirred lightly, squinting at me. "What?"

I shushed him quietly and gestured with my eyes toward where his mother was standing. He smiled and nodded, then leaned in for a kiss.

"Merry Christmas, love," he breathed into my ear.

"Mmm…" I hummed, smiling at him.

"Kids, don't move!" Esme whispered as she neared the bed.

I watched and giggled as she shot several pictures of us in the bed. She even went as far as pulling over a chair so she could get an overhead shot. Emmett mumbled something and let loose a fart of epic proportion. The second the smell hit, Esme jumped off the chair and ran toward the door, leaving the rest of us to scramble to get out of range of the toxic cloud. Unfortunately he woke up and grabbed me, holding me in place.

"LOVE ME, LOVE MY FARTS, BABY GIRL! MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCHES!"

I gagged beneath him, reaching for Edward. "Help me, Edward! Save me!"

Rose jumped back on the bed and began pummeling her boyfriend. "Leave my best friend alone, you big stinky bully!"

"MUAH HA HA HA! You will all suffer! My ass is mighty and smelly. Suffer my wrath!"

Esme cleared her throat. "Emmett McCarty Cullen, release Bella from your pungent grip immediately or there'll be no presents."

"Aw, Ma!" he groaned as he slowly let me up. Edward covered his mouth and nose with his hand before reaching for me, yanking me away from his malodorous brother.

"Okay, kids, let's eat breakfast, then we'll open presents."

Emmett groaned again.

"Breakfast is ready n…"

Before she could finish, Emmett had grabbed Rose, flung her over his shoulder like a sack of flour and run out the door. I laughed when Rose shrugged. "It's not conventional, but it saves me a trip."

Edward and I washed up and changed into more family-style pajama attire before heading down to the dining room. Esme had made an impressive buffet of breakfast items—fruit, juice, omelets of all types, sliced ham, bacon, sausage links, bagels, toast, and English muffins.

I walked over to give her a hug. "Merry Christmas, Esme."

"You too, sweetie. Please help yourself."

"I will." I reached for a glass of apple juice so I could take my pills while Edward asked what I wanted to eat. He sent me to sit while he made up my plate.

Carlisle and Emmett watched my gentlemanly man treating me like a queen, looked at their expectant better halves, looked back at each other and shrugged before grabbing plates and loading them up.

"Thanks for showing up your old man, Son," Carlisle said, winking at Edward.

"Hey," he replied, setting my plate down before me, "I was taught good manners by my mother. Take it up with her."

Everyone laughed as they settled down to eat. As usual, the atmosphere around the table was light and fun, almost silly by times. It felt good, it felt right, and more importantly, it felt REAL. The last Christmas I had with a Cullen consisted of Emmett trying desperately to keep my spirits high.

_I was in transition between the hospital and rehab centre. I should have been living at the centre full-time but there was a shortage of beds, so I slept at the hospital, but spent most of my time at the nearby facility. Emmett was always there in the morning to help me eat, get washed up, and get dressed, then drive me over to work with my therapists. He usually sat in on my sessions, offering to help whenever he could. I used to tease him and say that he should go to school to become a physiotherapist because he already knew what he was doing._

"_Merry Christmas, Baby Girl," he shouted as he entered my room._

"_W…w…" I started, but I struggled with words beginning with w sounds. I wanted to say _whatever_ but it just wouldn't come out. I gave up trying to say it and just conveyed my disgust by turning away from him. _

_I felt the bed move, the mattress shifting under his weight as he sat down. I felt him pull my hair away from my face, then heard him sigh sadly. "I know this isn't the best Christmas, Bella, but it doesn't have to totally suck. Mom and Dad are coming later with dinner so that should be nice, right?"_

_I didn't respond right away because I was still struggling with speech, and deep down I was hoping he'd give up, but of course he didn't. Instead, he got up, rolled me over and pulled me up so that I was sitting. I could sit up on my own, but in my ridiculously infantile need to protest, I remained limp as a ragdoll. He huffed, and puffed, and sighed heavily._

"_Fuck this, Bella, I'm not leaving you here alone to mope on Christmas. Here, grab the bar and hold on while I get you dressed."_

"_W…w…"_

"_Why? Because we're going to find the Christmas spirit today. No more pouting."_

"_I d…don't…"_

_He looked right at me and my resolve was beginning to crack because he looked tired and sad, and Emmett should NEVER look sad. "No arguing, Bella. What do you want to wear today?"_

_I very slowly crossed my arms and let out a humph. I was at his mercy and couldn't formulate the words I needed fast enough to stop him._

"_You've got ten seconds, Bella. Either say it, or point it out on your board." He handed me my image board. It had basic words and pictures on it. "Show me what you want to wear or I will pick it out, and I know you won't be happy with my choices."_

_I nearly panicked at the thought of him picking out my outfit. I'd been subjected to some awful and downright hideous outfits over the past couple of months. "P…p…pants."_

"_Okay, that's a good start," he said, moving over to the bureau. "What else?"_

_I couldn't get the word to come out at all, it was stuck, so I pointed to the image on the board._

"_Underpants? Do you want grannies, boy shorts, boxers, thong…"_

"_B…box…"_

"_Boxers?"_

_I nodded._

"_What next?" he grinned. He always made me work for what I wanted, and while I knew it was for my own good, it still drove me nuts._

"_Sh…sh…sh…" I pointed at the picture of a t-shirt._

"_Colour?"_

_I thought about it for a second and managed to get it out in one go. "Green."_

_His eyes lit up. "High five on getting that one out on the first try!"_

_I slowly lifted my hand and gently tapped his. _

"_Anything else?"_

"_Chucks."_

"_Another high five for my girl!"_

_Chucks, for some reason, had been one of the first things other than Emma that I'd said clearly. Other ch-sounding words would get stuck or get lost, but not Chucks._

"_What colour?"_

_I pointed to the sunflower on the bedside table._

"_Yellow?"_

"_Y…y…y…" I stopped for a second, thought really hard, and finally managed to say it. "Yes."_

_He looked at the pile of clothes before him. "Not very Christmassy, kiddo, but it'll have to do. Let's get you cleaned up and dressed."_

_One of the first things I learned when I emerged from my coma was that humility and shame were something I no longer had. My body was no longer my own, or at least it hadn't been for months, and because I couldn't control my limbs all the time, someone had to do EVERYTHING for me. That's why I rolled my eyes at Emmett when he started singing_ _that cheese ball song _We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off_ by Jermaine Stewart every time he had to help me get dressed._

"_Man, Bella, I hope Santa put a waxing kit in your stocking, because your legs are getting really furry!"_

"_Em!" I growled._

_He looked up at me and smiled sweetly. "Sorry, kiddo, I'll help you shave them later, okay?"_

_As soon as I was washed and dressed, he helped me brush my teeth, and held me up as I tried to walk to my wheelchair. While my patience waned with every failed attempt to get my legs and feet to move when I wanted them to do so, Em's patience seemed to grow._

"_You've got it, Baby Girl. Remember what Mom said?"_

_I nodded, pointing awkwardly at the whiteboard on the wall across from my bed. Esme was always writing inspirational things there for me._

"_What's it say?"_

"_Stop."_

_Emmett stopped, looking at me. "Stop what?"_

"_S…sit."_

"_Oh, you want to sit. Can't walk and read at the same time, can you? Well, no worries, because I can't either," he said, winking at me as he helped me sit in the dreaded chair. I pulled my leaden, shaking feet up onto the foot rests and took a breath._

"_One."_

_He smiled and nodded._

_I had to try to coordinate my brain and my mouth on the next word. "Sstep."_

"_You got it! You're doing great. Keep going."_

_My mouth opened, but no noise came out. I tried again, and again, until finally, "AAAAA." I sounded like a dying goose._

"_Close enough. I know you're trying to say AT right?"_

"_AAAA," I sounded out again._

"_One more word, Baby Girl, you've got it."_

"_Tiiii-muh."_

_I was sweating and exhausted, but couldn't help but smile. Emmett was beaming. "One step at a time, baby, you got it!" He hugged me tightly before whispering something to me. "Best Christmas present ever."_

_He stood up, released my brakes and wheeled my chair out into the hallway. The ladies at the nurses' station all began fawning over him._

"_Merry Christmas, ladies. Can one of you grab a bottle of water for my girl, here?"_

_I swear at least three of them crawled over one another to get to the fridge._

"_I'm taking Broody Bella for a stroll. We'll grab breakfast in the cafeteria. Would one of you mind hooking her up with her meds before we go?"_

_Again, they all scrambled to grab the paper cup on the tray. Dani got it first and brought it over with the bottle of water. She moved to unscrew the cap, but Emmett stopped her. "Let Bella do it."_

_Needless to say after I spent way too long trying to unscrew the cap with my somewhat useless hands, breakfast was almost over by the time we made it to the cafeteria. Of course Emmett charmed the pants right off the workers, both male and female, into making something special._

"_Bellabooger, do you see that old man over there? That's Joe. He has no family and no friends and is completely alone for the holidays. He's also dying; the doctors told him this would be his last Christmas. Do you know what he did instead of laying around moping and feeling sorry for himself?"_

"_N…n…no," I stuttered._

"_He rented a Santa suit with the little bit of money he's got left and played Santa for the kids upstairs who couldn't go home for the holidays."_

"_Watch this," he said quietly, directing my eyes to Lola, our favourite cafeteria worker, who was bringing out a big breakfast like the one we were eating. Joe looked up at her, then over at us. There was no mistaking that there were tears on his cheeks. He tipped an imaginary hat in our direction and mouthed the words _thank you_ before looking at the feast before him._

_I pointed at Emmett. "Y…y…y…"_

_Em grinned, his dimples appearing deeper than ever. "Maybe."_

_We were quiet for a few moments. I think I understood what he was trying to say. Although my life had been turned upside down, inside out, and ripped to shreds when I lost four loved ones, if you count he-who-must-not-be-named-because-he's-a-coward, I still had Emmett, Carlisle and Esme, which was way more than Joe had. Not to mention I wasn't dying and I would likely see many, many more Christmases than he would. I had much to be thankful for, my gifts were many, and although I was in a slump and struggling, I still had a chance at life that he would never get._

_I dragged my hand to Em's arm and squeezed gently. When he looked at me I smiled and said something that made his eyes well up._

"_Mmmmmerrrrry Ex..ex…ex…massss, Emmmmmee."_

"Bella? Bella?"

"Hmm?" I hummed as I looked at Edward. "What is it?"

"Damn, Baby Girl, I thought we lost you for a second," Emmett said, worry etched on his face.

I smiled at him before getting up and walking over to where he was sitting. "I'm sorry," I said, hugging him. "I didn't mean to scare you. I was thinking back to our last Christmas together and remembering why I love you so fucking much. I owe you everything, Em. I hope I can repay your kindness someday."

"Pay it forward, Baby Girl, that's all I ask in return."

Edward was watching us with a strange look on his face, while the others were all smiling at us. I didn't want to talk about it now, because Edward tended to get upset when I talked about my struggles when he was gone. He still carried a lot of guilt, and today wasn't the day for him to get mired in that. "I'll explain sometime, baby. It's all good."

I sat back down to finish my breakfast and soon found myself wishing that Alice and Jasper were here for this. They were so nervous about going to Phoenix to see Alice's parents and tell them the big news that I worried they wouldn't enjoy their time with her family. Mind you, Alice's family doesn't celebrate Christmas; as Pagans they celebrate the Solstice instead.

That was one of the things I loved about Alice's parents. They weren't big on Christmas and the last thing I wanted to think about at this time of year was big family gatherings. As a matter of fact, with the exception of the first year I knew Alice, I usually spent the holidays alone and moping in my dorm room. Her parents insisted I join them the first year, and it had been disastrous; I spent most of my time in Phoenix crying by the pool in their backyard while Mrs. Brandon tried to use herbs and charms to lift my spirits. All it did was give me a rash, which made me cry even harder.

They never invited me back after that, and no one ever argued with me when I said I wanted to be alone. Rosie stayed with me the first year I had the house because she didn't want to face her parents alone and Jasper was going to Phoenix. We treated it like any other day, and had Alice not called us up screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS, we likely wouldn't have even rememebered what day it was.

Emmett played Santa for us, which was a good thing for everyone because he was happy and he was kept occupied and out of our hair. I know that sounds bad, but a hyperactive Emmett on Christmas morning is a force to be reckoned with.

After a few moments I heard him mumbling to himself. "What the...?" I looked over at him and saw he was opening an envelope with his and Rosalie's names written across the front in Esme's elegant cursive. I knew exactly what was in that envelope because Edward and I had had a long talk with Carlisle and Esme over the past month about the housing situation. Emmett had talked to his parents about wanting to get a house for he and Rosalie sometime in the future, and that although he didn't mind living with Edward, it was probably time for them to branch off. When Carlisle and Esme had mentioned it to us, we let them know that Edward was likely going to be moving in with me in the New Year, so Emmett and Rose could keep the house. Esme, being the consummate interior designer and house flipper, saw this as an opportunity to increase her investments by helping Em and Rose get a new house, and then rent out the old house to Alice and Jasper, who would need the space and the reduced rent. It worked out perfectly for everyone.

"Are you serious?" he asked, as he passed the envelope to Rose.

Carlisle and Esme nodded, smiling as they watched Rosalie reading what was inside the card. "Sweet merciful fuck," she breathed before looking at them, mouth and eyes wide open.

It was hard not to giggle because Edward and I knew what was in the card, so it was no shock to us to hear Em reading aloud what his parents had given as a gift to them.

"A house? You're buying us a fucking house?"

"Not if you continue speaking like that, young man," Esme chastised good-naturedly. "We talked things over with Bella and Edward and have come up with a plan. You and Rose can pick out a house—within reason—which we will finance. If you agree, you can make the mortgage payments on it as I doubt many banks would approve a very big loan to a relatively new teacher and a student. It will be a lot cheaper than renting a place. Edward will be moving in with Bella since she owns her house outright."

"But what about our house now?" Emmett asked, clearly confused.

Carlisle spoke up next. "We plan on renting your current house to Alice and Jasper for a very reasonable price. Of course they aren't aware of this yet, so you can let them know when you get back. They need a place of their own, someplace where they can raise their baby that's close to school and to you guys, not to mention they need something affordable until they get on their feet.

"Because we already own the house, we can go easy on them. I wanted to let them live rent-free, but Bella explained that Jasper would never allow that to happen. We'll discuss it with them in the New Year."

Rosalie began to cry. "Thank you, Carlisle, Esme. I don't know what to say. You've been so good to me and my brother and you barely know us."

Carlisle walked over and knelt before her. "Rosalie, we have been blessed with so much over the years, personally, spiritually, and financially, that it's our pleasure to do what we can to help the ones we love. You, Jasper and Alice have been such a blessing to our family that it's the least we can do. You have brought joy back to our son, so we are truly the ones indebted to you."

Poor Rose crumbled and allowed Carlisle to hold her as she sobbed. I have known Rose for almost five years and I have never seen her react like this to anything. I felt my own tears gathering and looked over at Edward, who was wiping away his own. As I surveyed the room, I noticed there wasn't a dry eye to be seen.

Emmett, who had been hugging his mother, cleared his throat. "Er, who wants to open more presents?"

Everyone laughed at his one-track mind, returned to their seats and the gift exchange continued.

Edward smiled when he opened my first gift to him; a year's subscription to the Seattle Symphony. "Thank you, love," he said, kissing me. "I can't wait to go."

"There's more," I encouraged, passing over his second gift. I was nervous about how he would react, and nearly chewed my bottom lip off in anticipation.

"Wow, Bella," he whispered. "I don't know what to say."

"Please say you like it?"

He held the antique pocket watch in his hand, turning it over and reading the engraving. "Always, forever," he said softly before opening it up and expelling a gasp as he ran his finger over the photo inside. It was a small reproduction of the photo that hung over his bed of the two of us kissing Emma's cheeks.

I wiped away a tear on his cheek as I watched him staring at it. "Is it okay?"

"It's perfect and it matches your locket," he said, holding it up next to the locket that remained around my neck almost permanently.

Smiling at him, I palmed his cheek and stared at his eyes. "It's the companion piece to the locket; it belonged to my dad."

He hugged me tightly, mumbling his thanks into my hair.

"NO WAY! This is the best Christmas EVER!" Emmett shouted, shattering our moment.

"What the hell, Em?" Edward asked, pulling away from me. "What's so incredible now?"

I grinned when I saw what he was holding.

"Bella, you are da bomb, Baby Girl!" His voice was muffled as he ripped his t-shirt over his head to put on his gift.

Everyone in the room groaned when he turned to show them what it was.

"Captain Emmett Awesome Cullen to the rescue!" he said, staring at the t-shirt he was now proudly wearing. I had it made for him; I couldn't resist because I knew he'd love it, and really, after all he had done for me over the years, to me, he really was Captain Emmett Awesome Cullen, the superhero.

After the hubbub died down, Edward turned to me, placing an envelope in my hand. "I didn't know what to get you, so I talked with Mom and Dad and we decided to go in on this together. I hope you don't find it to be too much—it's just that, well…"

"Oh, Edward, be quiet and let the girl open her gift," Esme said, smiling.

I opened the envelope, gasping when I saw the contents. I fingered through the various papers inside and couldn't believe it. "Really? Travel vouchers? For me?"

"For us, love. You said that you wanted to see the world with me, well, now we can. There are enough vouchers for us to visit just about anywhere in the world you want to go."

"This is too much," I sputtered. I had more than enough money at my disposal to pay for this; they didn't have to do it for me. I then felt my eyes grow larger when I realized that these weren't just regular vouchers, they were FIRST CLASS! My heart was racing and my mind was reeling. This was as huge as getting a house for Christmas. I didn't know what to do, how to react. Oh my god, they're staring at me.

"Thank you."

It came out quietly, but I was amazed that I made any sound whatsoever.

They came over to hug me and I cried. I never thought that Edward would remember that I'd said that I wanted to see the world with him.

Rose started laughing when she opened the gift Edward and I had bought for her and Em. It was sort of a gag gift/housewarming gift.

"A waffle maker?" she snorted. "Em, buddy, you'd better learn how to make batter because I am totally inept in this area."

Esme clapped her hands when she saw the gift from us girls. "A spa day with my girls? I'm so excited! When do we go?"

Carlisle laughed when he opened his present from the boys. "A day of golf? Nice. Summer can't come fast enough."

More presents were passed around, and everyone seemed to be in great spirits when I heard a sniffle coming from over by the Christmas tree. Rose teared up again when she opened the gift from Emmett. "You big goof," she said, laughing through her tears as she slapped him lightly. "Thank you, baby; it's all kinds of weird, but so are you. I love it."

"What is it, sweetie?" Esme asked.

It was hard not to giggle a little as I watched Rose looking into the box. When she finally pulled out his gift, I snorted. "Em gave me his heart." And it was…it was a stuffed heart with a banner across it that said _Emmett's._

Emmett approached her, kneeling down on one knee when he reached her. "Rosie, babe, I know I haven't known you for long, but it feels like it's been forever. It's hard to picture my life before you, in fact, I'd rather not, because before you came into my life I was sad, miserable and lonely. So, I'd like to offer you my heart, because it already belongs to you, in exchange for your hand in marriage."

No one moved or breathed in the moments that passed immediately after Emmett's grand gesture. I don't know if it was the shock of him proposing, or all of us trying to figure out how Emmett managed to make such a beautiful proposal without farting, swearing, or doing something else completely bizarre.

All eyes were trained on Rose, who had turned a strange shade of ecru. I hoped she was okay.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Rose exhaled and squeaked out a yes.

"Really, babe? You'll really marry me?" Emmett sounded excited but nervous at the same time.

Not taking her eyes off him, she moved to kneel before him, wrapping her arms around his neck, leaning her forehead against his. I thought my heart would explode from the sheer intensity of the moment and the emotions in the room when Rose kissed him and quietly replied, "Fuck yeah, you magnificent bastard. What took you so long?"

After they shared another searing kiss, Emmett jumped up and shouted as loud as he could. "I TOLD YOU, BITCHES, BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!"

* * *

**Oh, Emmett. :)**

**New Year's Eve is up next, and then that's it. If all goes to plan (as it rarely does, just ask Kat and Minna) there will be two chapters left. After that I will begin writing the sequel which likely won't be posted until late summer/early fall because I'm traveling in late July/early August, and my girls need a break.**

**I'm going to put this out here now...I'm going to TwiTour in Toronto and will be meeting (hopefully, as long as they don't cancel) _Kellan Lutz_ (yup, bitches, I'm getting my hug from Emmett!), _Charlie Bewley_ (Demetri), _Chaske Spencer_ (Sam), _Alex Meraz_ (Paul), _Bronson Pelletier_ (Jared), _Kiowa Gordon_ (Embry), _BooBoo Stewart_ (Seth), and _Julia Jones_ (Leah) and there will be Q&As. I would like to give you guys a chance to send in questions that you might want answers to and I will try to be one of the lucky folks who gets to ask something. I'm looking for intelligent and unique questions and not our typical "TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT, KELLAN!" type questions.**

**You can leave them here in a review or send them to me by PM or on my Facebook page or even Twitter.**

**Fic recs this week:**

**_The Unaccompanied Soul_ by JMCullen09  
_After the Happily Ever After_ by RobinCullen05  
_Whada We Do Now_ by DaniWrites**

**HAPPY CANADA DAY!**


	43. Chapter 43

**It's that time of the week again, folks. Sadly, there are only two chapters left of Encore, but the good news is that I'm already hard at work on the sequel. Damn Emmett wouldn't stop stomping around in my head on the weekend.**

**Tissue level is lower on this chapter, however, you may wish to throw things at a certain parent.**

**Minna and Katmom...words escape me...I just hope you know that I love you guys for all you do.**

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_**Bella**_

"They're here!" Rose shouted from the kitchen. "Are you guys ready?"

"Yeah," I called out from where Edward and I were putting the finishing touches on our Christmas present for Alice and Jasper. "We're just finishing up."

As soon as we finished, we scrambled to join Rose. When we reached her, Emmett's booming voice rang out as he walked into the kitchen carrying their suitcases. "We sure missed you guys in Forks. Christmas seemed a little empty without you."

Rose and I ran forward when Emmett moved his hulking body out of the way. "ALICE!"

"My girls!" she squealed as she ran toward us, pushing past Emmett along the way. We hugged and jumped around as if it had been years since we'd last seen each other instead of two weeks.

"Oh," she squeaked, her eyes growing huge. "I have to pee. Be right back."

I had to laugh because I knew that feeling well. Poor Alice was going to be running to the bathroom a lot in the coming months. Her bladder was already freakishly small, so she'd likely have it worse than I did.

Rose and I hugged Jasper when he was done fist-bumping the boys.

I ruffled his already mussed hair. "So, how was the trip?"

"Remind me not to take any lengthy road trips with her in a few months. I swear it took us twice as long because she had to stop at just about every gas station and rest stop between Phoenix and Seattle."

"I HEARD THAT!" she said, pouting as she returned to the kitchen.

"I don't mean anything bad, baby, I was just stating a fact."

Emmett grabbed a couple of suitcases. "Want these in your room, Little One?"

Alice nodded at him. "Thanks, Em. Mm…I'm famished. What's cooking?"

Rose moved over to the oven and opened the door, releasing an aromatic burst of steam. "I think dinner's actually ready. You timed your arrival perfectly. So, does anyone want to eat?"

Jasper moaned. "Is that lasagna? Please tell me it's full of meat."

I smiled at Jasper. I knew that my lasagna was a favourite of his, and he'd likely be starving after having to eat at Alice's parents' place for a couple of weeks. "Three kinds, Jazzy, just the way you like it. Ground beef, Italian sausage, and ground turkey."

"Ricotta?"

I nodded.

"Extra basil?" he whispered, practically drooling.

"Of course."

"I think I just drooled on myself. I need to change anyway, maybe wash up. Have I got time for a quick shower?" Alice asked. "We've been driving for two days. I just want to be cozy."

"Of course," I moved over to hug her again. "I'm going to make the garlic bread and the salad while you do that."

Emmett, Rose, Edward and I stood quietly in the kitchen waiting for their reaction to their Christmas present. Alice didn't disappoint us.

"NO FUCKING WAY!" Alice screamed excitedly.

Edward leaned down to kiss the top of my head. "I think she likes it."

Emmett held out a fist to me, which I bumped with a smile. "Good call, Baby Girl."

Alice came screeching around the corner, eyes sparkling, mouth set in a shocked O. "Really? For us? You…" she flung herself at us muttering a long string of thank yous.

"I saw how much you loved curling up in the big wicker basket chair in Forks and knew that you would probably enjoy nursing in it the way that I did. Please feel free to put it anywhere in the house. We set it up in your room because we wanted it to be a surprise."

Jasper was beaming. "Thank you, guys, it's awesome."

"Okay," I clapped my hands, "you two go get cleaned up and we'll finish making dinner. Do you guys want Caesar or garden salad?"

They both called out that they wanted Caesar as they made their way back to their room.

Dinner was on the table when they emerged clean, refreshed, and beaming. Everyone filled their plates and ate quietly while Alice and Jasper recounted their holidays. The first thing they mentioned was how her parents had reacted to their announcement.

_**Alice**_

"My parents may be hippies and smoke their fair share of weed, but they aren't stupid and I think my mom knew something was up instantly, although she never said anything."

_We were sitting around the dining room table on the eve of Solstice eating our tofurkey dinner when she finally caved._

"_Alice, is there something on your mind?" she asked. "You've been preoccupied since you arrived, and you're throwing a very strange aura. Is school going okay?"_

_I poked around at my dinner, spearing a piece of asparagus on the end of my fork. "Yeah, school is fine."_

"_Is the porn store getting to you?"_

_I shook my head. Although it was cool with my folks that we worked at the store, it still felt strange discussing it with her. What's worse is when she calls for sex advice and suggestions on what toys she and my father should buy._

_The strangest thing, though, is her rule about Jazz and I sleeping in separate rooms while we're visiting. I never really understood it, but then again, my mom is a study in contradiction. Who ever heard of a free-loving hippie who cockblocks her adult daughter?_

_It was this bizarre thing that Mom had about sex that made me so scared to tell her. Now Daddy, he'd be cool with it, because he's cool with everything._

"_Alice?"_

_I sighed loudly, reaching for Jasper's hand under the table. He squeezed gently, before raising our clasped hands to give my knuckles a kiss. "Mom, Daddy, Jasper and I have some news."_

_Mom set her fork down and stared at us. Normally I can read her like a patchouli-scented book, but not at that moment, and THAT scared me._

_Daddy cleared his throat. "I'm kind of young to be a grandfather, Button."_

_I smiled at his nickname for me. He started calling me that when I was a baby, saying it was because I was cute as a little button. I looked over at him nervously, but his big grin erased my fear that he would be resistant to it. He got up and moved to give me a hug._

"_Thank you, Daddy."_

"_It'll take more than making me feel old to be upset with you, my sweet little Button."_

_He released me to hug Jasper. "Treat them right, son, and we're cool, got it?"_

"_Of course, sir. I always treat my girl right."_

_Daddy chuckled. "That's what got you into this situation in the first place, isn't it?"_

_I slapped him gently, mortified. "Daddy!"_

_Poor Jasper was turning beet red._

"_And, for the record for the millionth time, stop calling me SIR! Hippies don't go for that shit, kiddo."_

_When Jasper tried to respond, Daddy held up his hands. "I know, good Southern upbringing and all that shite, but seriously Jasper, don't call me sir, it's more offensive than knocking up my baby girl."_

"_Oh my gods," my mom finally said. "Don't put it like that, Liam! For the love of all things holy, don't put it like that."_

_I looked over at her, feeling nauseous as I watched her shaking her head as she stood up._

_This was going to go one of two ways—she would freak out and be upset, or she would freak out and we'd likely end up dancing in praise to the goddess of fertility in the backyard._

_I was wrong. Sort of. Mom was all about hitting the yard for some naked dancing, but I stopped her. "No dancing, Mom."_

"_Oh, but we have to!" She was scrambling to find her herbs and fertility goddess statues._

"_Mom, dancing around makes me ill these days. You can head out later, but I won't be dancing."_

_She stopped and looked at me, disappointment in her eyes. "Oh, Alice, sweetie, when did you stop celebrating the gifts you are given?"_

"_I still celebrate, Mom, just not in the same way." I moved to hug her. "I'm just happy that you aren't mad at me."_

_Mom sniffled as she kissed the top of my head. "My sweet little flower child, a baby is never something to be mad about; it's a gift unlike no other, and I can't wait to see your body abundant with life. You are already glowing. I had my suspicions when you arrived, but I didn't want to say anything until I was sure._

"_Why on earth would you think I would be mad?"_

"_Well…it's just that…well, you're kind of all over the place with sex. You're open enough that you and Daddy have a very rich and active sex life; you know where I work, that I live with Jasper, and yet under your roof we have to sleep in separate beds."_

"_Absence makes the heart grow fonder, sweet pea," she replied, trying to be all sage, but I could see through it, there was something else._

"_Cut the bullshit, Mom."_

_Mom blushed a little as she replied to me. "Well, it's not ALL bullshit. After that first visit when you introduced us to Jasper, well, we heard an awful lot more than we wanted to. Having you two in separate rooms made it easier on us because, well, we didn't want to embarrass you." _

"_Oh good Lord," Jasper groaned behind me._

"_THAT'S WHY? You're okay with describing your vaginal dryness with me in great detail, but you can't tell me that I was moaning a little too loud when my boyfriend was fucking me?"_

"Oh, you didn't say that!" Bella squeaked out, mortified.

Emmett and Edward were shooting sympathetic looks at Jasper, who simply nodded. "Yup, she did."

Rosalie was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down her face. "I wish I could have been there for that. That's fucking priceless!"

"What did she say to that?" Bella asked before taking a sip of her shot glass of wine. She and Edward had come to an agreement of sorts where she could have a shot glass of wine with special dinners. Mm…wine. I miss wine.

"She shrugged and it was the end of the conversation. We returned to our seats and choked down the rest of our craptacular Solstice dinner."

"Nothing else was said?" Rose asked after she calmed down.

"Nope, well, not then. I found my mom dancing naked in the yard later that night after the men had gone to bed. I kind of figured she would."

Emmett spoke up. "What did you do?"

"What else is a good daughter to do? I stripped naked and joined her. I know I said I wouldn't do it, but I'd had time to think about it, and like Carlisle and Esme have their church, my mom has hers, only it's slightly different. I knew it would mean a lot to her, so I joined in and it was actually a lot of fun. When we finished, we hopped into the pool, where we floated around and talked. It was a real bonding moment for us."

It really HAD been a special moment.

"_Did I ever tell you about when we found out I was pregnant with you?"_

_I floated over to her, giggling to myself as I watched my bare breasts bobbing in the water, my nipples hard from the cool night breeze. "No, Mom, you didn't."_

_Her hand found mine in the water and pulled me closer so we were floating side-by-side. "Let me tell you, sweet pea, your grandparents didn't take it so well. If you think Nona and Poppy were tough when you were growing up, they could have been the poster children for the ultra-conservative Christian movement. My word, they were furious. It was a big deal for them to deal with the shame of having an unwed pregnant daughter. Mom was raging on about how I was damning her soul to hell because of my wicked ways and how she never wanted anything to do with the demon seed in my cursed loins."_

"_Gee, thanks, Nona; love you too," I grumbled._

"_Oh, Alice she fell in love with you the second she laid eyes on you. Everyone did. It was just the eight months when she shunned me that were rough. Your father WISHED my father had shunned him; Poppy terrorized him day and night and made sure that everyone in town knew that Liam was a sinner. He even went as far as to picket outside the hardware store where your father was working."_

"_Really? I didn't know that Daddy ever worked at a hardware store." How odd._

"_He didn't work there for long; my father got him fired. His boss said that he couldn't handle the bad mojo your father was bringing to his family business. He really had something against my father marching in front of the store waving signs about your father being an immoral rapist and sinner._

"_We ended up having to leave town."_

_I flipped over onto my belly to look at her. "I had no idea! Poppy was just evil!"_

_Mom laughed. "Yeah, I know; he WAS pretty awful."_

"_He ran his pregnant daughter out of town! My gods! It's a good thing Poppy's dead, no offense, but I think if I saw him now I'd have to kick him in his wizzled up babymakers."_

_Mom's voice took a softer tone. "He didn't know better, sweet Alice, and like I said, he and Nona fell in love with you the second they met you. They were both very proud of you and although they're likely spinning in their graves right now, I'm sure they'd love this baby too."_

_I thought about everything Mom had just told me and there was a question nagging at me, but I wasn't sure if I should ask it. Eventually, I gave in, knowing I'd be obsessing over it until I knew the answer. "Was I worth it?"_

_I heard water splashing and my mother choking a little. "What?"_

_I swam over to her and bobbed up and down in the water. "Was I worth it?"_

_Mom changed positions so she was treading water in front of me. "Every second, every tear, every single fight. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and you are worth so much more than that. You are the most incredible gift a mother could ask for, and if we weren't both naked, I'd hug you, but I know you'd be uncomfortable with that. So let's get out of here, dry off, and hug properly._

"_You, sweet girl, are going to be a wonderful mother and I can't wait to meet my grandbaby."_

_I was crying as we got out of the pool and walked over to the towel hutch where mom grabbed a couple of warm towels. We wrapped up in them and moved into the house. As soon as we had both changed, we curled up together on the couch where she combed my hair and told me stories about my infancy._

"Mom and Dad have offered to help as much as they can, which is a huge relief. They're struggling a bit right now because of the crappy economy, so I'm hoping we won't have to lean on them, but it's nice to know they're there if we need them."

Emmett was staring intently at me, kind of freaking me out. "What's wrong, Emmett?"

He looked confused as he tried to formulate a question. "You…your Mom? Naked? Together?"

I looked at him quizzically. "Yeah, is there a problem?"

"I…well…" he scrubbed his big hand over his face and rubbed the back of his neck. "Isn't that kind of…fucked up?"

"No, not at all. Emmett, did I never tell you about living on a commune? I was naked until I was probably eight or nine."

I stifled a laugh as his eyes grew huge. "No! Bella? Rose? Did you…?"

They both nodded, laughing.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" he seemed put out that he hadn't been informed.

"Would it matter?" Jasper asked, chuckling.

"No, but I bet you saw a LOT of titties!"

"Oh yeah," I said, playing along, "lots of bouncy titties and big, hairy beavers."

All three boys threw their hands up and groaned. "NOOOO!"

While they tried to erase the mental picture I had planted in their heads, I turned to the girls. "So, how were YOUR holidays?"

Bella and Rose exchanged giggles and grins, instantly making me feel like I missed out on something. For some reason it made me sad that they had an inside joke, but then I chalked it up to hormones.

"So? Obviously, something happened. Is no one going to tell me?" I couldn't help but pout.

Their eyes widened when they saw my face and instantly rushed over to hug me. "No, no, Alice, we're sorry," Rose said. "I…I have some news."

"OH MY GOD! Are you pregnant too?"

"NO!" she snapped, "I'm not pregnant."

My patience was wearing thin. "So, what is it?"

Bella held up Rose's left hand and I was nearly blinded by the bling on her finger. How had I missed seeing that! "OH MY GOD! You're engaged? When? How? I need details!"

The boys shouted for us to shut up with the squealing, so I dragged the girls to my room and into the basket chair where we all snuggled together like a flock of baby birds while Rose told me about the proposal.

_**Jasper**_

"So, you did it?"

Emmett nodded. "I even called your old man to get permission."

I groaned as I scrubbed my face with my hands. "What did he say?"

My father could best be described as a rug; a big wet rug. My mother stomped on him as if he had the word _Welcome_ woven into his forehead, and he just took it all. He was content to stay in the background and let her run the show. I had little to no respect for the man, and learned more from my grandfather than from him. I suppose being married to an overbearing bitch can quickly emasculate a man.

Really, though, I was more worried about Mama's reaction than his.

"He told me to go ahead and he said he'd pray for me because Rosalie was a chip off her mother's block."

I didn't really want to know the answer to my next question, but I had to ask. "Did you talk to Mama?"

Emmett growled and I watched him clench his fists at his side. "I would NEVER touch a woman in a violent manner, but I wanted to reach through the phone and kick the bitch's ass. She's HORRIBLE!"

"What did she say?"

He moved closer, lowering his voice. "Please don't tell Rosie; I don't want her to be upset. Your egg-donor-slash-incubator told me, and I quote, _tell her she's as dumb as a post to throw away her life on a man and to enjoy being someone's bitch_. Then she hung up on me."

"Shit," I said, sighing sadly. That would break Rosie's heart to hear Mama being like that. I know she has a certain amount of dislike aimed toward Mama, but she has always looked up to her and spent a lot of time trying to live up to ridiculous expectations. While part of her would expect a response like that, the little girl in her would be devastated. "I think you're right. This is best kept quiet."

Edward sighed. "I'm so sorry about your folks, Jazz. If it makes a difference, Mom and Dad are ready to adopt you both. I'm sure Dad could have adult adoption papers drawn up in the blink of an eye."

I couldn't help but smile because it DID make a difference, especially to my sister. She had spent a lot of time bonding with Esme at Thanksgiving and they had stayed in touch. She often mentioned they were working on a business venture together, and then my sister would get this amazing gleam in her eye and a smile that went from ear to ear. Rosie had also confided in me before we parted for the holidays that the best thing about Christmas this year was that she'd get to spend time with Esme.

"It does make a difference, Edward, it really does."

Turning back to Emmett, I asked him if he went with the cheeseball idea of giving her his heart. The big goof grinned like a fool.

"I sure did."

I would have paid good money to see her reaction. "And?"

His response was a bit of a shock to me and it took me a minute to wrap my head around it. "She cried?"

"Yup. Wasn't the first time that day either."

"Are we talking about the same Rosalie Hale?"

"Yup," he replied, grinning.

I must have stepped into an alternate universe or something because my twin sister isn't one who cries easily. I mean, I shared a hostile womb with her, I know her better than anyone else. My sister doesn't cry…well, she didn't until she met Emmett. I think he managed to knock down her walls.

Edward spoke up. "Well, Emmett omitted the fact that she slapped him and called him a goof."

I laughed because THAT sounded more like my sister. "Why was she crying the other time?"

The Cullen brothers looked at each other, cocking an eyebrow. They had a silent conversation until finally Edward looked at me. "Jasper, buddy, we need to talk to you and Alice about something."

Oh crap, this doesn't sound good. "Is something wrong?"

Emmett put his hand on my shoulder. "Come on, man, let's find Little One and have a talk."

We got up and walked toward the bedroom where the girls were still all squealing over Rosie's ring and talking weddings. I felt bad, though, because Emmett could afford to pay for my sister's dream wedding sooner than I could for Alice, and I had a feeling that they would get married before we did.

I watched my girl's face light up when she spotted us walking in. "Hi, baby," she said.

"Hi, darlin'. How're you feeling?" I leaned down to kiss her.

"Mm, I'm great. What's up with you guys? Why do Dumb and Dumber over there look so serious?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. They said that they needed to talk to us about something."

Bella and Rose grinned at each other as they stood up. "Have a seat, brother," Rose said, motioning for me to take her spot beside Alice.

I crawled into the basket chair with my girl while the others all sat on the bed facing us like some sort of board inquisition.

Emmett began. "So, you're probably wondering what's going on."

"Well, hello Captain Obvious," I snarked at him.

"Um, actually, it's Captain Emmett Awesome Cullen, and I have the t-shirt to prove it," he replied, grinning at Bella.

"If I may continue, we have a…well, a proposition of sorts for you. Mom and Dad are financing a house for Rosie and I so we can have our own place."

"Holy shit! That's awesome, guys!" Alice piped up. "Congratulations!"

"Bella and I are moving in together, too," Edward said as he put an arm around her.

"Here?" I asked before it dawned on me; oh crap, they called us in here to kick us out! I know we said we wanted to move at some point, but I'm not ready yet. Shit! My mind was rolling a mile a minute, trying to come up with a contingency plan.

"Jazz, calm down, I can feel you freaking out from over here." Rosie got up and moved to sit beside me. "It's all good, buddy. The Cullens are keeping Edward and Emmett's house and want you and Alice to move in. They know you'll be struggling with money, what with the baby coming, and they wanted to help you out."

Alice let out a squeak and squeezed my hand. I looked over at her and had to laugh because Alice Brandon was speechless, a very rare occurrence.

But then the enormity of the situation hit me. "A house? For us? We can't afford to rent a house."

Emmett moved over so he was kneeling in front of us. "Mom and Dad know that. The house is paid in full so they said they can be extremely easy landlords."

I shook my head. There's no fucking way we can accept this. My stubborn male pride was kicking me in the balls and telling me that I need to man up and take care of my woman and unborn child by myself. However, my logical twin sister, who totally knew what I was going through, knocked some sense into me and also cuffed me across the back of the head.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale, I know what you're thinking and I want you to set aside the Southern gentleman in you and I want you to put on you big boy reality pants. Let logic prevail. The Cullens want to help. This was their idea."

If it hadn't been for Alice squeezing my shoulder, I likely wouldn't have noticed the others leaving the room, allowing Rosie and I to hash this out.

"Jazzy, please. These people want to help and they care more about us than our own parents. Do you honestly believe that Mama and Daddy would do this for us? Do you think they'll be thrilled to help out their unwed son with his baby? Do you honestly believe that Mama is doing a dance of joy that her pathetic daughter fell in love and is getting married? Hell, we'll be lucky if they ever speak to us again after all of this fuckery, and you know what? If the Cullens want to love us like one of their own, I'm totally fine with that. Fuck Mama! Esme's been more of a mother to me in the past few months than Mama has in my entire life."

Rose shocked me when I realized that she was crying. I hugged her, trying to hold back my own tears.

"It's not charity, Jazzy, not when it's done out of love, and for some strange reason, they love us. Please don't fight them, please don't chase them away because…because I need them. I need to feel loved."

"But, Rosie, I…"

My sister pulled away from me. "But nothing! You are going to get over your stupid male pride and you're not going to fuck this up. For once, let someone help you. I know it feels weird since our parents didn't do much to help us and we relied on PawPaw an awful lot, but this is REAL." She grasped my wet face in her hands and I watched as she cried harder. "Please, if you can't do this for yourself, think about Alice, the baby, or even me."

I thought about it. Rosie never asked me for much over the years, probably because we were always able to sense when the other needed something. She was also right that I needed to think about Alice and the baby above and beyond everything else. The truth was that we couldn't afford to get a new apartment with enough room for all of us on what was left of my porn store money since I'd given up the job to take a teacher's assistant gig Emmett had hooked me up with, and although the TA gig paid better, it still wasn't enough. I would have kept the porn store job, too, but if it ever got out that I worked there, I'd likely lose my job at the school.

"Okay, Rosie," I whispered, looking at her. "I'll do it."

"Oh, thank God," she breathed as she hugged me. "I knew you were smart enough to make the right decision."

Someone knocked quietly on the door and I knew immediately that it was my Alice. "Come in, darlin', we're done."

The apprehension on her face upset me, it made me sad that my stubborn pride was the source of her unhappiness. "It's all good, Alice," I said, holding out my arms.

She smiled, racing over to me. "Thank you, Jazzy. Everything is going to work out; I can feel it."

"You best thank my sister; she's the one who talked sense into me."

Alice shifted her tiny frame so she was hugging Rosalie. "Thank you, Rosie."

My sister shrugged. "Someone had to do it."

"I guess we should call Carlisle and Esme to thank them," I said.

"Suck it up, brother mine, and hurry the hell up; we've got a New Year's Eve dinner to plan."

* * *

**The last two chapters will likely be posted as soon as they are given the go-ahead by my hardworking team of awesomeness, so you won't have to wait too long...I hope. Pray that the heat hasn't killed my muse...I know it's killing my cat. **

**Fic recs this week...since I'm sneaking on at work, I don't have my handy dandy list, so I'm missing some. I'll make up for it next time.**

**_After the Happily Ever After_-RobinCullen05  
_Ride the Wind_-iadorepugs**


	44. Chapter 44

**This is the beginning of the end. This is the first of two final chapters for _Encore_.**

***sigh* This is bittersweet. It would be worse if there wasn't a sequel on the horizon. I hope you guys will stick around for it.**

**HUGE thanks, spanks, and...er...what else rhymes with thanks...to Katmom and Minna, who I am sure are looking forward to a bit of a break.**

**Oh yeah, if you haven't figured it out yet after a million long, angsty chapters, I am not Stephenie Meyer and I didn't write Twilight. I did, however, write a French story about a carrot superhero when I was six.**

**Welcome to New Year's Eve partie numero un.**

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_**Bella**_

"Okay, girls, you've got your lists. Anyone have any questions?"

Alice raised a hand. "What's an evoo?"

"Extra Virgin Olive Oil. You know that, Alice—you've watched enough Rachel Ray that you should know that."

Her cheeks turned pink. "Oops. Sorry, I forgot."

I turned to my other helper. "Rosie? Are you clear on your mission?"

It was hard not to laugh as she snapped to attention. "Yes, ma'am. I even went online to research the things I wasn't sure about."

My heart swelled as I regarded my best friends. Everyone was working so hard to make tonight a New Year's Eve to remember. Things were going to be changing very soon and we all wanted to celebrate together, without kids, one last time.

The first part of the evening would involve a dinner party that included Ben, Angela, Adam, Bree, Tyler, and his new girlfriend Leah. They had other functions to attend after dinner leaving the six of us to countdown the New Year together, which is exactly how I wanted it to be.

As I circumnavigated the fresh produce aisle, I felt my pocket vibrating. "Yes, Alice?"

Alice was tearful and frantically yelling on the other end. "Oh my gods, Bella! I'm going to be a terrible mother!"

"Why? What's wrong? What happened? What aisle are you in?"

She mumble-sobbed something about mustard and I had to laugh. "Alice, you're freaking out about mustard?"

"I…I don't know wh…wh…what wholegrain mustard is!"

She continued to wail into the phone as I rushed toward the condiments aisle. I found poor Alice sitting on the floor surrounded by various jars of mustard.

"Oh, Alice, sweetie, mustard is nothing to get worked up about. Calm down and look at the labels."

Turning a tear-streaked face toward me, she sighed heavily. "I'm a mess since I stopped taking my ADHD meds, Bella. I'm going to suck as a mom. What if the baby is crying and all that will calm it down is mustard, but not just any mustard, it has to be," she paused to sniffle, "wholegrain."

I reached down for her hand and pulled her up and into a hug. "Ali, babies don't eat mustard, you'll be fine." I scanned the assortment of bottles on the shelf before finding the one that I wanted. "Here, Ali, put this in your basket and no one will be any the wiser. Let's move on to the next things on our lists."

Alice wiped her eyes on her sleeve, nodding. "I'm okay now. Stupid hormones."

"Off you go, Little One," I said, patting her behind. You can do this."

And she did. It probably took twice as long to pick up supplies with the two of them as it would have had I gone alone. My girls understood basic culinary terms and techniques and what Edward and I had planned was above and beyond their heads. You know, though, that was fine with me. I love cooking with Edward and watching him work his magic in the kitchen.

The boys were still cleaning and moving furniture when we got home. As soon as we unpacked the groceries, Edward and I took over the kitchen, checking and crosschecking checklists and recipes. Edward had everything timed out perfectly.

"Mm…did you start roasting the garlic already, baby?" I asked, inhaling deeply.

"Yup, I figured it would be one less thing we'd need to do." He stood behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, making me shiver as I felt his breath on my neck as he held me.

Emmett walked into the kitchen and plunked his ass down at the breakfast bar. "Alright you two, put me to work, would you? Rosie's gone home to shower and nap, while Ma and Pa Kettle are snoozing."

I looked over the checklist for something to keep Em occupied. "Can you chop some veggies for me?"

He reached over and pulled a cleaver out of the butcher block. "I'm on it, boss. Tell me what you want."

I rummaged around until I gathered up some carrots and parsnips. "Can you chop this, but not finely, just medium-sized chunks would be perfect. And put down the cleaver, Emmett, you're making me nervous."

"Aye, aye, boss."

With Emmett now sufficiently occupied, Edward and I were able to put everything together or at least get it started.

"What the hell are we having, anyway?" Emmett asked as he chopped.

"Well," Edward began, "we're starting with a pear and blue cheese salad, then moving onto a roast prime rib with a horseradish crust, served with garlic roast potatoes and root vegetables, which I know you love."

"Sweet! What's for dessert?"

"Since we're starting the meal with pear, we're ending it with pear tartlets."

"Oh shit, Baby Girl, I think I just jizzed in my pants. Well, all except for the blue cheese." He screwed his face in disgust. "There are some stinky cheeses I can handle, but not that one."

I moved over to where he was sitting and put my arm around his shoulder. "We can make yours without blue cheese, Big Guy. I know how much you hate the blue stuff. It's really mild, though. Want to try?"

"Nope." He set down his knife and smiled at me. "I'm done chopping, now what?"

I looked over the list again and spotted something that would keep him busy for a while and was my least favourite thing to do. "Can you deal with the pomegranates?"

"Mm! What are they for?"

"Pomegranate martinis," Edward said from behind me. "Or virgin pomegranate martinis for those of us not drinking."

"Hell yeah. Sounds good. I'm not real big on girlie drinks, but I love a pomegranitini. We made them after Oprah had them on her show."

You could have heard a pin drop after Emmett spoke. Everyone dropped what they were doing and just stared at him for a minute before bursting out into laughter.

He looked at us, apparently clueless to the humour in his statement and shrugged. "What? Oprah's my homegirl."

I was surprised no one pissed their pants after that. My gods, Emmett is just too precious for words sometimes.

By the time most of the preparations were well underway, I was exhausted and feeling a little light-headed. I excused myself to go take a nap so I'd be in good shape to party with everyone. I crawled into bed and was almost asleep when Alice knocked on the door, asking if she could nap with me since the boys were being too loud in the kitchen. I lifted the comforter without speaking and felt the bed shift slightly when she crawled in beside me.

_**Edward**_

Bella was near dead on her feet and I was about to suggest that she go lie down for a while when she announced she needed a nap. I was thankful and breathed a sigh of relief. Why? We'd had a pretty heated disagreement on Boxing Day because I suggested that she should rest. Guess I hit a nerve because she informed me rather bluntly that she was an adult, knew her limitations, and would appreciate it if I could mind my own business. Then she burst into tears, apologizing for her outburst, chalking it up to being overtired and grouchy.

Yup, that's my girl, and that's why I've been trying to let her figure stuff out on her own—within reason. I do keep an eye on her, and I do try to nudge her in the right direction when it looks like she's overdoing it. I just try to be more discreet now.

Jasper joined Em and I not long after Bella went to her room. He was looking a little disheveled and yawned loudly as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Best I get a couple of these into me while Alice sleeps. I promised her that I would stay sober tonight since she's not allowed to drink."

I clapped him on the back. "You're a good man, Jasper Hale. A deceitful, yet good man. If it helps, I'm not drinking either. Bella can't drink so I'm not going to flaunt it either."

Jasper smiled crookedly, tipping his beer in our direction. "Technically, I'm not being deceitful; I told her I wouldn't drink TONIGHT, and last time I looked at my watch, it was still afternoon."

"Well, Rose and I are getting shittered tonight and crashing in the spare room," Emmett announced proudly.

"You're an ass," I muttered as I checked on the prime rib in the oven.

Jasper moved over to look into the oven with me. "Holy shit, that smells good."

I smiled at him. "Trust me, it'll taste better than it smells."

"Anything you need me to do?" he asked.

"Yeah, want to chop nuts or slice pears?"

Before Jasper could respond, Emmett jumped up, ran over to the Christmas tree and rummaged around for a moment. "I'm doing the nuts, boys!" he shouted as he returned with Bella's new Slap Chop.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in anticipation of what was to come. Three, two, one…

"YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY NUTS!" he shouted.

Emmett's phone rang shortly after that and I had to laugh when I saw the look on his face as he listened to the person on the other end of the line. He closed it quietly, then looked at me.

"Who was it?"

"Bella."

What the…? "What did she want?"

He looked down at the Slap Chop sadly, pressing the plunger a couple of times before replying. "She, uh, she said that if I didn't want my nuts to be Slap Chopped into the salad, that I had better quiet the fuck down because I woke her with my unnecessary bellowing and caterwauling."

Setting down the gadget, he stood up. "On that note, I'm going to go home and get ready before my nuts become part of the appetizer. Later, bitches."

And with that, Emmett grabbed his coat and left. A few moments later, Jasper sighed. "Silence is golden."

"Yup, it is. So, do you want to quietly chop those nuts for me?"

He nodded and went about doing what I'd asked of him. He was Emmett's opposite and as much as I love my big brother, I enjoy working alongside Jasper a whole lot more. He remains focused on the task at hand and does it quietly.

By the time the final preparations were made, the girls were just stumbling out of Bella's room.

"What's left to do?" Bella asked groggily.

"Nothing, really. The early prep work is done. We have a couple of hours before we need to do anything else. I'm going to go take a shower if you want to join me."

Stifling a yawn with her hand, Bella nodded, turned and pulled me toward her room. We undressed in silence then entered the master bath where she fired up the shower while I grabbed towels.

I entered after her and sighed as the hot water hit my skin and Bella wrapped her arms around my waist.

"You okay?" I asked as I gave her a light squeeze.

"Yup," she mumbled into my chest, "just a little dopey. Alice grunts a lot when she sleeps."

"You could have slept longer, you know."

Her teeth nipped at my right nipple. "I know, but then we wouldn't be able to do this."

As hard as I tried to contain the yelp that bubbled up in my throat, I couldn't stop it when Bella dropped to her knees and took me into her mouth. My hands instinctively shot out—one to brace myself against the wall, the other went directly to Bella's hair. I tried to keep from tangling my fingers in it to guide her as she deep throated me, but it was too hard. "Bellaaaa…" I groaned, the sound reverberating off the tiled walls.

She pulled back until my head popped out of her mouth. "Yes?" she asked demurely as she fondled my balls. "Is there a problem?"

I closed my eyes and let out a long, loud breath as she began massaging my taint and resumed her oral ministrations. There was no way I was going to last very long if she kept that up. I could feel the tightening in my belly and my eyes kept trying to roll into the back of my head.

"Mm…shit…" I moaned as I braced both hands on the wet walls of the shower when she increased the amount of suction and tongue pressure she was using. "Bella, I'm going to…"

Her head popped up and off me as she stood. The loss of contact was agonizing and I'm pretty sure that I growled at her. I watched as she turned to face the wall, spreading her legs. "Hurry, Edward," she panted.

I didn't need to hear her ask twice. I palmed my cock with my left hand, nudged her legs wider with my right, and as soon as I was in position, I pounded into her. Any thought of being gentle, soft, or sweet went down the drain with the water dripping from our bodies.

My right hand moved around her hip and slid down to where we were joined so I could stroke her. After Bella realized that she no longer super-sensitive, we had to figure out how she could get off and clitoral stimulation seemed to be the only way. So, I worked her clit as I thrust into her, hoping that the different angle would also help her find release.

"Yes, oh hells yes!" she cried out as I felt her body begin to tighten around me. "Harder, Edward," she panted, looking back over her shoulder at me. She looked drunk and fuck hot, so I increased my pace and within moments, she turned her head to the other side, biting my bicep as she came. Luckily I was only five thrusts behind her and I came, HARD.

We leaned against the wall and each other for a brief moment to gather our thoughts and breath before quickly washing up and getting out.

Bella was all post-coital smiles and lazy eyes when we eventually made our way back to her room.

I kissed her passionately, murmured an _I love you_, and led her to the bed. "You look tired, love, why don't you rest a little before we finish dinner?"

To say I was shocked when she agreed with me would be an understatement. "Tell Alice she can have her wicked way with me in half an hour, okay?"

I pulled on my clothes and covered up Bella, who was pretty much already asleep.

Alice was standing outside the bedroom door tapping her foot, obviously annoyed about something. "What did I tell you two about warning us before you have loud shower sex? Now we have to wait because you guys fucked away all the hot water!"

She stomped back to her room before I could reply, and I had to hold back a laugh when Jasper peeked out of their room, shaking his head and tsk-tsking me.

"Sorry," I said, shrugging.

He grinned and gave me a thumbs' up. "No worries, man, it's all good."

I made my way back to the kitchen to check on the food. Everything was well on its way and there were only a couple of things that needed to be done. The meat was now out of the oven and resting, the potatoes were ready to go in, and the salad just needed to be assembled. The only major thing left was putting together the tartlets, so I busied myself with that.

Before I knew it, Rose and Em were back and setting the table while Alice and Bella finished getting ready. Jasper was playing bartender for the evening so he was setting up his libation station.

A quiet throat clearing pulled my attention to the living room, and my jaw dropped when I saw her. The staff at the Roget's Thesaurus office need to compile some new ways to describe my girl because breathtaking, stunning, incredible, amazing all seemed too tame and almost insulting to the gorgeous girl standing before me.

"Bella," was all I could manage to squeak out as I neared her. Alice had piled her hair up in a loose bun, leaving several long, curly tendrils hanging to frame her beautiful face. She was wearing a breathtaking black, off-the-shoulder dress that stopped just above the knee. It was cut low enough that her locket rested prominently between her pale breasts.

"You like?" she asked, blushing as she twirled for me.

Like the ridiculous love-sick mongrel that I was, all I could do was nod.

"You need to get ready, Edward, they'll be here in a few minutes. I'll finish up the stuff in the kitchen. What needs to be done?"

_**Bella**_

Edward was too adorable. Alice swore that my outfit would wow him, but the poor guy was rendered speechless.

I reached up and tweaked his nose. "Hello? Edward?"

He shook his head, his glazed eyes finally clearing. "Shit, sorry. Um, you could start assembling the salads if you want, and the tartlets need to come out when the timer goes off. The apricot glaze is in a pot on the stove. If you wouldn't mind brushing some over the top when they come out, that would be great."

"I've got it. Go change. Alice left your clothes out on the bed."

He leaned in for a kiss and an ass squeeze before making his way to the bedroom.

I grabbed an apron and began digging out the remaining items for the salad. My heart jumped into my throat when the house was suddenly filled with booming noise. I scrambled back and fell over on my ass as I heard _I DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE!_ come blaring from the sound system.

"EMMETT!" Rose screamed. "TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"

Soon, but not soon enough, the house was silent again, save for the sound of Rosalie slapping Emmett. "YOU. Dumb. Shit!" Each word was accented with a slap. "What the hell are you trying to do?"

"I was trying to find some dinner music. Bella asked me to look after it, right, Bella?"

Rose smacked him again. "Not Limp Bizkit! God, sometimes I have to wonder why I agreed to marry you."

I was sitting on the kitchen floor, hidden behind the counters, laughing my ass off at the two of them.

"Aw, Rosie, it was an accident. You want to marry me because I'm hot, funny, and my dick is…"

"ENOUGH!" I cried out.

"Bella?" Emmett called out. "Where are you?"

I waved my arms, hoping they would see me. "Down here!"

Em and Rose both peered over the breakfast bar at me, their faces perfect studies in confusion and horror.

"A little help?" I asked, holding out a hand.

Em rushed around and picked me up. "What happened? How did you get on the floor?"

"Well," I said, dusting myself off, "I was getting stuff out of the fridge when you scared the shit out of me. I tripped and ended up ass over tea kettle."

"Are you okay?" Rose asked, assessing me for damage.

"Yeah, no biggie, I've had worse falls." I turned to Emmett. "NO Limp Bizkit tonight, got it?"

He looked down at the floor, nodding. "It was an accident, I swear."

"I know, Emmy, it's okay. Is everything else ready?"

They both nodded.

"Alice, how're things with the bar?"

Jasper answered. "We're all systems go!"

Edward walked out just then and my jaw dropped. My man is HOT! He was wearing black dress pants, a white linen dress shirt, and a vest. Yes, my man was rocking a vest. I smiled when I saw the chain from the pocket watch I'd given him for Christmas hanging from his front pocket.

I moved to him, pulling him into a hug. "You clean up real good," I mumbled as I leaned up for a kiss. My fingers found their way to the back of his head as I pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. I couldn't help myself, I suddenly felt the need to forgo the prime rib and devour Edward instead.

"Hey now, is that any way to greet your guests?" Tyler teased as he entered the room with Leah, Adam and Bree. I released Edward, straightened my dress and smiled. "Please, let us take your coats. Jasper's manning the bar, so feel free to go see him for a drink."

Edward took the coats while I hugged them. Angela and Ben arrived shortly after, prompting Alice to go into party diva mode while we finished up in the kitchen.

Everyone looked so nice—the girls were all in cocktail dresses and the guys were all in dress pants and nice shirts. Tyler was even wearing a tie!

"So," I began as Edward and I served the salads, "where are you all off to after this?"

Angela blushed brightly. "Ben and I have reservations at this little B&B outside of town. We're meeting someone there."

Why was she blushing so much? Hm…I bet there's something afoot. Good for them, though. Maybe Ben was heating up more than his Bunsen burner tonight.

"We four," Tyler said, motioning between them, "are going to a big party at a bar downtown. Seems Leah's got connections and managed to score some VIP tickets."

"My cousin is a bouncer there," she replied quietly.

Leah and Tyler were a bit of an enigma. He's very outgoing, personable, rambunctious, whereas Leah seems to be more introverted, withdrawn and shy. Yin and yang I guess. All that matters to me is that he's happy, and clearly Leah has done just that.

Bree was whispering something to Adam when I looked over at them. He turned his head to look at her and the smile not just on his lips, but in his eyes was radiating with the love he clearly had for her. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and my heart melted. I knew Adam was a good guy, he just needed to find the right girl, and I certainly wasn't it. I brought out the worst him. Now he was someone I could consider to be a dear friend, and I was thrilled.

I couldn't help but smile at the large group of happy people sitting around my dining room table. Everyone was getting along, everyone seemed to be in love, and I was on cloud nine. If someone would have told me this time last year that I would be sitting here surrounded by so many amazing people, most importantly Edward and Emmett, I would have laughed in their face and probably punched them for bringing up his name.

"Bella?"

"Hm?" I turned to Edward. "What is it?"

"You spaced out on us for a minute. Is everything okay?"

I took his hand in mine, raising it to plant a kiss on his palm. "I'm wonderful, baby. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

Now wasn't the time to start gushing, so I changed direction. "I'm thinking about eating that prime rib. Should we clear the salads and plate the main course?"

Clearly Emmett must have overheard me, because he jumped up and began clearing the dishes from the table. "I'll get this, you guys get to plating."

I patted his back. "Are you hungry, Emmybear?"

"Hungry would be an understatement. I'm famished. Smelling the meat all day has done nothing to quiet the beast." He rubbed his stomach for emphasis.

"Okay, then, Edward, let's get the main course out before Emmett perishes."

Everyone oohed and aahed over their dinner, and I had to admit that my man can cook. The prime rib was cooked to perfection and frankly, I would have been happy to eat just that.

Tyler and Adam regaled us with tales from the store and had us laughing so hard that it was almost painful. While I didn't miss working there, I missed some of the downright odd occurrences and some of the bizarre characters who shopped there.

Jasper cleared his throat just before dessert was served. "Guys, Alice and I have an announcement to make."

Everyone turned to look at them and I stifled a giggle as I watched the blush rush from Alice's cheeks to her pointy little ears.

Jasper took her hand in his and looked down at her as he started. "As you know, Alice and I are engaged."

Everyone nodded.

"Well, we're also going to be parents. Alice is pregnant."

Angela immediately squealed, jumping up and running over to hug her. "Oh, Ali, that's awesome! Congratulations! When are you due?"

"July."

Bree got up and gave Alice a hug as well. "This is so exciting, Alice. Congrats!"

The boys all fist-bumped Jasper, like he'd scored a three-pointer or something. It was entertaining to see the different sexes reacting to the same news.

Not to be outdone, Emmett cleared his throat and banged his fork on his martini glass. I shuddered when I thought of the damage he could inflict, but surprisingly, nothing broke. "Rosie and I have some news too."

He reached for her hand, pulling it up so the light reflected off the diamonds. "Rosie and I are getting married!"

Again, the girls, minus poor Leah, started squealing and congratulating Rose, while the boys started fist bumping each other. I sat back and watched it all unfold and giggled. Edward was chuckling beside me. "Should we grab dessert?"

I nodded as I slipped out of my seat and walked with him to the kitchen.

"Too funny," I mumbled as I placed tartlets on the plates and dusted them with icing sugar.

"It WAS pretty entertaining, wasn't it?"

As soon as Edward had finished putting dollops of cream on the plates, we carried them into the dining room, where all eyes were focused on us as we handed out the plates.

"What?" I asked, feeling uneasy about the attention trained on us.

"So?" Angela asked.

"So what?"

"What's YOUR big news?" she prompted.

I scrunched up my brow as I tried to think if we had any big news to share. "I don't have any big news. Oh, well, Edward and I are planning on going to Europe next year, but other than that…"

"No ring on your finger?" she asked.

I wiggled my fingers in front of her. "Nope."

"Oh," she said, pouting.

"Why?" I sat down and grabbed my fork to take a bite of dessert.

"Um, well, I just figured that since everyone else is engaged that you two would also be taking the plunge. I mean," she looked at Ben, then back at us, "Ben and I are also engaged."

"WHAT?" Alice, Rose and I all shouted.

"Yup, and actually, we're…err…eloping tonight when we leave here." Angela looked down, blushing for a moment before finally looking up at us.

Alice shrieked. "OH MY GOD! Why didn't you tell us?"

Ben shrugged. "It wouldn't be eloping if we blabbed, would it?"

After the shrieking and hugging subsided, I asked why they were eloping.

"Angela's father."

"I thought Mr. Weber liked you, Ben? I don't get it."

Angela sighed. "Bella, are you forgetting that my father's other name is PASTOR Weber?"

It suddenly dawned on me, clear as day. Emmett, of course, had no clue, and really, it wasn't his fault because he didn't know Angela all that well. "So, what's the big deal?"

"My father wants a big traditional church wedding. Ben and his family are agnostics, so they don't really care."

Alice, still in shock, spoke up. "You don't want a big wedding? ALL girls want a big wedding."

"No," Angela said, shaking her head, "I don't if it means that I can't control the ceremony, and I don't want Ben to have to deal with the gossipy old church ladies nattering on and on about how the good pastor's daughter is marrying a heathen. They made it very clear that if we were to be wed in the church that it had to be by their rules.

"My high school best friend and Ben's cousin are standing for us. It'll be short, sweet, and we've written our own vows, which is something my father wouldn't allow. We get to do this OUR way and it's going to be perfect."

Ben leaned over and kissed her. "Thank you, Ang. Love you."

Jasper stood up, raising his glass. "A toast to Angela and Ben. May your marriage last an eternity and then some. May your love grow each day and your passion burn brighter than the stars."

"Or a Bunsen burner," Emmett piped up.

We all raised our glasses and toasted our friends.

After dessert, Bree and I moved away from the crowd to chat where it was quiet.

"How've you been, Bella?"

"Busy, but good. Christmas was great, it was fairly low-key and I find if I don't let myself get over tired, I'm pretty much back to my good old self."

"I'm sure the Cullens appreciate when you don't keel over in front of them, like you did at Thanksgiving. They are a jumpy but wonderful bunch," Bree replied, after taking a drink of her martini. "Man, these martinis are incredible. I'll have to get Jasper to show me how he does it."

I looked over at Edward and smiled. "Yeah, Bree, the Cullens are good people."

"So, a lot of things going on; babies, weddings, new houses…suddenly I feel so old," she said, giggling.

"Yeah, I know. I'm happy for everyone, though. They all deserve some happiness."

She cocked an eyebrow at me. "What about you?"

"What about me? I'm happy, Bree, I really am. I have Edward and the Cullens and my friends. What more do I need?"

"No wedding bells ringing in your ears? No clocks ticking in your nether regions?"

I looked back over at the others before answering her. "Truth? I'd marry Edward in a heartbeat but I don't know if I'm ready for kids again yet."

"Again?" She looked confused for a moment, but then it dawned on her. "Oh! Your daughter. I'm so sorry, Bella. God, I'm an asshole."

I reached for her hand. "It's okay."

We were quiet for a moment, just watching everyone having a great time. It really surprised me when Adam said something that made Edward laugh.

"Bree, did you just see that?" I asked, shocked.

"Yup."

"Do you think they're friends now?"

I felt her arm loop around mine, then she gave me a squeeze. "I'm pretty sure that the fuckery that occurred at Halloween has brought them closer, and yes, I think they might be friends. Thank God."

"Amen. So, you and Adam seem to be getting along great. He adores you; it's so easy to see when he looks at you."

Bree blushed. "Yeah, and I'm all kinds of crazy about him. I hate that work keeps us apart as much as it does, but he makes going home worthwhile. He's so sweet, considerate, and smart. I think my favourite time of the week is when we curl up together on Sunday mornings to do the crossword together."

"I am ridiculously happy for you two. Really. I knew Adam was a good guy, he just needed to find the right girl, and you, my dear, are it."

Tyler and Leah came over to join us. Poor Leah was looking incredibly nervous. "Emmett was getting rowdy and my girl is a little shy. Mind if we join you?"

"Not at all, the more the merrier. How're things working out with the new guy at the store? You didn't mention him during dinner."

Tyler sighed heavily. "There's a reason why it wasn't brought up at dinner. You know, things are not the same without you guys there. I don't blame Jazz for leaving because he was afraid he'd lose his teaching gig, but there's no one to deal with the hyperactive pregnant pixie. I realize she's not working as much, and we're in the process of finding someone to replace her, but we're also trying to replace the new guy."

"What happened? Did he not like it there?" I asked.

Bree snorted, Leah blushed then giggled, and Tyler groaned. "Man, that guy was a HUGE mistake! We caught him humping the inflatable sheep in the _squirters_ aisle."

"Oh my God! You actually, physically caught him? In the act? With the sheep?" My dinner rumbled uneasily in my stomach at the thought.

"No!" they replied loudly, in unison. "Alice found it on a security tape the other day when she was bored. Poor girl threw up when she saw it."

"Alice! Why didn't you tell me about the…"

Her face paled. "Don't say it, Bella, please don't! I know what you're talking about and I'd like to keep my dinner down."

Of course Emmett wanted to know what happened, so the boys took him aside to tell him, leaving us to deal with the horrible mental picture tainting our brains.

After recovering, Alice jumped up and asked if everyone could gather for a group photo before they all left.

She set up my camera on a tripod, directed everyone to their places, hit the self-timer, then ran to join us.

"Everyone say sheep!" Emmett called out.

Yup, that photo was a dud. When the flash went off, it captured us all looking very ill.

We tried again, but Emmett farted, so half of us were mid-escape and the others were holding their noses and/or covering their mouths.

Third time was charming, since it was of everyone strangling Emmett.

Finally, we managed to get a nice group photo. Alice wanted shots of each couple as well, so we all took turns posing. Then it was a bunch of group photos of the girls, and then the boys.

"Angela, since you won't really have any wedding photos, I thought maybe we could put together a collection of these photos instead. I'll do up a scrapbook and give it to you next week, if you'd like."

Angela teared up and I couldn't help myself, the urge to hug her was too strong, and before we knew it, we were all hugging.

"Have you got your _something borrowed, something blue_?"

She nodded. "Well, all except for the borrowed. Alice, I was going to ask if I could borrow your silver earrings."

Well, didn't Alice's face light up like a Christmas tree. "Oh yay! For sure! I'd be honoured."

As soon as Alice sorted out Angela, our guests left. We sent them off with hugs and heartfelt wishes for a happy New Year, then breathed a sigh of relief when it was just the six of us left.

"Thank God," Rose said, marching toward the guest room. "I couldn't wait to get this dress off and release the girls from their ironclad bra."

Edward smiled before dragging me into the bedroom. "I can't wait to get you out of your dress too."

Mm…my New Year's Eve was about to get a lot more festive.

* * *

**How was that? A few little surprises here and there. *grin***

**Next part will be just the six of them...**

**Fic recs: **

**_For the Summer_ by camoozle  
_Hide and Drink_ by savage7289  
_Fourteen_ by crimsonmarie**

**The final chapter will be up likely as soon as the girls give me the go-ahead. :) **


	45. Chapter 45

**Well, gang, this is it. The final chapter of _Encore.  
*_insert emosob here***

**You might need a tissue...Minna swears it was dust in her eyes, but you never know.**

**I'll let you read and meet you at the end of the story.**

**

* * *

**

_**Edward**_

For some strange reason it took us all a little longer than expected to make our way back out to the living room. For some even stranger reason, everyone looked a little flushed in the cheeks and more than a little relaxed.

Heh, heh, we're a bad bunch.

Emmett had brought in some logs for a fire and busied himself with getting one going while the rest of us set up the living room. Poor Fred was looking confused and downright annoyed with us all. He had been sent to stay with Bree and Adam over Christmas so he was naturally pissed off at being displaced, not to mention we kept waking him to move him.

Oh, the horrible life of a housecat.

I picked him up and gave him a chin scratch. "Sorry, dude, we'll settle down in a minute and then you can chill out."

His eyes grew huge when he saw Alice and Jasper moving the big basket chair into the living room. Oh yeah, Fred, you just hit the mother lode, buddy.

The second they had finished setting it up and fluffing the cushion, Fred clawed at me to put him down. I didn't hesitate for even a second because Fred's super-sharp claws had inflicted more than one bleeding wound on me over the past few months. Alice called him over and helped him get settled on her lap. It was hard not to smile at them; Fred adored Alice and he was really going to miss her when the _great house exchange_ took place.

"Mm, Freddy buddy, I'm going to miss you a lot when we move."

Bella sauntered into the room carrying some more blankets and pillows. "Ali, he can always come visit you, and it's not like you'll never be over here after you move. You almost make it sound like you're moving to the other side of the country or something." She bent down to scratch the fur behind Fred's ear. "Freddy-foo will still need quality Alice time."

Fred looked up at the girls and I swear he grinned at them. Dude had them so wrapped around his furry paws it wasn't even funny. Sad to say that perhaps my girl's cat had more game than I did.

Bella and Rose began piling the pillows and blankets on the floor, making nests. Jasper was banging around in the kitchen doing God-knows-what, so I decided to see what he was up to. He was getting things ready for drinks, and I found Emmett filling a cooler with beer.

"What?" he asked when he caught me looking at him. "I don't want to have to get up every ten minutes to grab a beer."

"Ah, my brother, the lazy drunk," I said, laughing at him.

"No, I'm just conserving energy. I'm a smart drunk, little man." Emmett tapped his temple. "There's a lot more to Emmett Cullen than meets the eye."

Rose called out from the living room, "Emmett, are you talking about your dick again? What did I tell you about cock talking?"

Em rolled his eyes. "Not everyone appreciates the awesomeness that is my cock."

"Right, baby."

"But, Rosie, I wasn't…"

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Don't, brother. Just don't. Arguing with your woman won't get you anywhere. It's best sometimes to just suck it up and reply with a loud _yes dear._"

He nodded. "Gotcha."

Jasper turned around to face us, a large pitcher full of red beverage in hand.

"What's that?"

He smiled. "Virgin Pomegranatini for the non-drinkers."

Emmett pouted. "What about me and Rosie?"

"You boozehounds can fend for yourselves. Besides, you really don't want to mix beer and liquor."

"Ah," my brother mused, holding a finger up, "but we started with liquor, so it's all good. Beer before liquor never sicker; liquor before beer in the clear. Clearly, my friend, we are in the—"

"Oh, quit arguing and bring me a damn beer, baby," Rose called out.

Em shook his head, muttering something about women as he walked away.

I helped Jasper by grabbing some glasses before joining everyone in the living room. The lights had been turned off, leaving only the muted light of the Christmas tree and the fire on the hearth. Emmett and Rose were cuddled up in one nest, Alice and Jasper were curled up in the wicker bowl, and my Bella awaited me in a cozy looking pile of the softest blankets and pillows that she owned.

"Come on, baby," she said, patting the spot behind her.

I set down the glasses and crawled over to her. She moved so I was propped up against some pillows, then planted herself between my legs so she was leaning against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Hi."

My heart melted when she leaned back and smiled at me. If someone would have asked me this time last year if I thought I would be in this position right now, that I'd have my Bella back in my life and that she would have forgiven me for the heinous crime I committed against her, I would have laughed in their faces. I had essentially resigned myself to another year of getting through my bland daily existence, never once thinking I'd ever see Bella again.

In five short months, the huge gaping hole in my heart had been filled—not completely, of course, because a big piece of it will always belong to my sweet little Emma, but I felt full enough now that I could move forward without carrying the huge albatross around my neck. I could take a step forward in the New Year and be unfettered while doing so.

There was another big step that I wanted to take this year too. I wanted to ask Bella to marry me. It seems almost silly, since everyone else is getting married but I don't want Bella to think that I'm only asking because her best friends are all getting hitched. I need to time everything right, and make sure she understands clear as day that I want to marry her because I love her deeply and madly, and not because our friends are all doing it.

We still had some things to work out before I could feel comfortable proposing to her. I didn't want there to be any baggage, resentment, anger, or sadness involved. When we were both ready for it, I wouldn't hesitate for even a nanosecond; I wanted to make her mine as soon as I possibly could.

"Hi," she whispered before leaning back for a kiss.

Jasper handed out drinks to everyone, and eventually my guitar was passed over. "What should I play?" I asked as I quickly tuned the guitar. I was glad that Emmett thought to bring it along. He also brought my ukulele, which meant that he had a particular song in mind that he wanted me to play at some point.

"Just play whatever comes to mind," Bella said. "Surprise us."

I thought about it for a moment, then smiled as a song popped into my head. I played the instantly recognizable four notes and everyone cheered before I started to sing:

_All I can say is that my life is pretty plain  
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain  
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two  
and speak my point of view  
But it's not sane, It's not sane  
I just want someone to say to me  
I'll always be there when you wake  
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today  
So stay with me and I'll have it made  
And I don't understand why I sleep all day  
And I start to complain that there's no rain  
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake  
And it rips my life away, but it's a_ _great escape  
escape...escape...escape... _

Emmett jumped up and started a drunken tap dance as he tried to recreate the video and everyone roared with laughter.

When the song was finished, Emmett sat down and smiled. "I bet you guys didn't know that I dressed up as the Blind Melon Beegirl for Halloween one year. I made a wicked awesome bee."

Rose gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I bet you did, baby."

"I rocked that tutu and I rocked it well. I even won some contests at school, didn't I Bella? Edward?"

"Yup, you certainly did, Emmy," Bella confirmed, then smiled at him.

It was hard to look away from Rose and Emmett as he settled back in, only this time, he lay between her legs, resting his head on her chest. Her arms wrapped tightly around him in a hug so powerful that he grunted. Em turned so he could look at her and they truly got lost in one another. After watching my brother be a manwhore for so long it was so nice to see him settle down and find love.

"Anyone think of anything they wanted to hear?"

Jasper cleared his throat. "Do you know _American Pie_ by Don McLean?"

I began strumming and singing and it wasn't long before everyone was singing with me again.

_A long, long time ago...  
I can still remember  
How that music used to make me smile.  
And I knew if I had my chance  
That I could make those people dance  
And, maybe, they'd be happy for a while._

__

But February made me shiver  
With every paper I'd deliver.  
Bad news on the doorstep;  
I couldn't take one more step.

I can't remember if I cried  
When I read about his widowed bride,  
But something touched me deep inside  
The day the music died.

_So bye-bye, miss American pie.  
Drove my Chevy to the levee,  
But the levee was dry.  
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye  
Singin', "this'll be the day that I die.  
"this'll be the day that I die."_

Alice clapped and squealed when we finished singing. "Oh, this is so much fun having someone who's musical around to play! I can't wait to sit around campfires singing this summer."

"Won't you be on diaper duty this summer?" Emmett asked.

"Oh yeah, we will," Alice's face fell a little, leaving her looking a smidge forlorn and a whole lot conflicted. Jasper likely sensed her shift in mood, so he wrapped his arms around her, whispering quietly to her until she smiled again. When she was back to her regular giddiness, she looked back at me. "So, will you play for my baby someday, Edward?" she asked.

I nodded. "Of course, Alice. Maybe I could play this song:

_I'm wishing you a-well  
mind at peace within your cell  
covers up, I cast you off  
I'll be watching as you breathe  
I lie still, you move  
I send you off around the bend  
I hold your head deep in my arms  
my fingertips they close your eyes  
off you dream, my little child  
there's a sun around the bend (yes)  
there's a sun around the bend  
all the evenings close like this  
all these moments that I've missed  
please forgive me, won't you, dear?  
Please forgive and let me share...  
with you around the bend  
you're an angel when you sleep  
how I want your soul to keep  
on and on around the bend"_

"Ooh, what was that?"

"_Around the Bend_ by Pearl Jam. It's beautiful as a lullaby, isn't it?"

She grinned and nodded as she pulled Jasper's hands around to rest on her abdomen. "I can't wait to sing to the baby."

Bella smiled. "We started singing and playing to Emma as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It's never too early to start. Just don't subject it to karaoke; it might decide it doesn't want to be born after hearing that racket."

We all laughed. Then Bella turned back to me and smiled. "I hate to ask this, it's liable to put a big damper on the party, but since we're in Pearl Jam mode, could you please play _Light Years_ for me?"

Oh God. Could I make it through the whole song without falling apart? I guess I have to try. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Please? I think I'm ready."

"Okay, here goes. I hope I can remember the words."

Bella squeezed my thigh and smiled. "I'll help you if you falter."

My fingers were almost reluctant to even begin playing, but once I did, I started to feel a little better. This song had been such a painful one for me, I guess for both of us.

_I've used hammers made out of wood  
I have played games with pieces and rules  
I undeciphered tricks at the bar  
but now you're gone, I haven't figured out why_

I began to choke up a little bit, so Bella joined in with me.

_I've come up with riddles and jokes about war  
I've figured out numbers and what they're for  
I've understood feelings and I've understood words  
but how could you be taken away?_

Emmett chimed in on the chorus with us.

_and wherever you've gone  
and wherever we might go  
it don't seem fair...today just disappeared  
your light's reflected now, reflected from afar  
we were but stones, your light made us stars_

I sang the next verse alone, feeling a lot stronger now, a lot better about it.

_With heavy breath, awakened regrets  
back pages and days alone that could have been spent, together  
but we were miles apart  
every inch between us becomes light years now  
no time to be void or save up on life  
you got to spend it all_

Bella, Emmett, and Jasper joined in on the chorus this time.

_and wherever you've gone  
and wherever we might go  
it don't seem fair...you seem to like it here  
your light's reflected now, reflected from afar  
we were but stones, your light made us stars  
and wherever you've gone  
and wherever we might go  
it don't seem fair...today just disappeared  
your light's reflected now, reflected from afar  
we were but stones, your light made us star_s

Alice was sniffling away behind us. "That was beautiful. It sounds like the perfect song for Emma."

Bella turned a tear-stained face to me and grinned. "That felt good, Edward. Really good."

I leaned in for a kiss. "It did. Wow, I haven't sung that in so long or even thought about it. Alice is right; it really is Emma's song."

Emmett coughed, then wiped his eyes. "Okay, now that we're all crying, why don't we start singing something more upbeat before Emoward takes over and we're all wearing eyeliner and dressed head to toe in black. See if you can get this one, little brother." Emmett began to sing, "_I got my first real six-string, bought it at the five-and-dime, played it 'till my fingers bled, was the summer of 69_."

I picked up on it right away and Emmett jumped up, reached down and pulled me and Bella up. We rocked out hard like we did when we were kids; dancing around, jumping, head banging, and then there was Emmett's famous air guitar solo. Everyone was roaring laughing as he scrunched up his face and did windmills on his pretend axe. There's just something liberating about singing an old Bryan Adams song; it really lifted the general mood.

Jasper poked me in the back of the head. "Care if I give it a go?"

"You play?" I asked, as I handed back the guitar. "I had no idea."

"I don't play much, or well, but I do remember a few songs we used to sing when we were younger. Rosie, do you remember this one?

_Hold on little girl  
Show me what he's done to you  
Stand up little girl  
A broken heart can't be that bad  
When it's through, it's through  
Fate will twist the both of you  
So come on baby come on over  
Let me be the one to show you_

We all started singing on the chorus, everyone smiling and laughing.

_I'm the one who wants to be with you  
Deep inside I hope you feel it too  
Waited on a line of greens and blues  
Just to be the next to be with you__  
_

Emmett took the echoes in the song to a new level of hilarious, and we spent a lot of time rolling on the floor and snorting. My brother may be a goof, but he sure knows how to lighten the mood at a party.

The music playing went on for a couple of hours until Emmett passed over my ukulele. "You know what to do with it, little brother."

I nodded, smiling at him before looking at Bella, who was beaming already.

"Really? You're going to play it?" Her excitement was written all over her face and seeing it made my heart swell to epic proportions.

"Yup. Just let me tune it up first."

As soon as the small wooden instrument was tuned and I was ready, I began to strum and sing. It wasn't long before Bella and Emmett joined in. _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_ was a song the three of us loved to sing together, but only the "Hawaiian version" as Emmett used to call it. Nothing against Judy Garland or anything, but Israel Kamakawiwo'ole really put his heart and soul into it, and gave it a whole new meaning.

Speaking of meaning, I think it really held more for me, and probably them too, this year because it was the first time in years that any of us could really say that they could see a glimpse of the blue skies on the other side of the rainbow.

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Way up high,  
There's a land that I heard of  
Once in a lullaby._

__

Somewhere over the rainbow  
Skies are blue,  
And the dreams that you dare to dream  
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star  
And wake up where the clouds are far  
Behind me.  
Where troubles melt like lemon drops  
Away above the chimney tops  
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow  
Bluebirds fly.  
Birds fly over the rainbow.  
Why then, oh why can't I?

_If happy little bluebirds fly  
Beyond the rainbow  
Why, oh why can't I?_

When we finished singing, I put down the ukulele and stretched my sore hand. "I'm about done for now."

Bella turned around and planted a big kiss on me. "That was wonderful, baby. Thank you for that."

Alice cleared her throat. "Okay, now that the entertainment portion of the evening is complete, is everyone ready to begin?"

We all raised our hands and shouted yes. I had no idea what we were about to begin, but I figured I might as well play along.

"First order on the agenda—Rosalie, care to distribute the envelopes?"

Envelopes? I looked over at Rose who was waving four white envelopes over her head. "Got 'em. Bella, can you pass them to Alice and Jasper?"

As soon as the four of them had their envelopes, Alice spoke again. "Cullens, since our first New Year's Eve together, we've done this. We will initiate you into the ritual in a moment.

"So, each year we write down any hopes or goals we hope to achieve, whether they be attainable or not, and we seal them up until the following New Year's Eve to see if we were successful."

I thought about this. "Wouldn't you feel bad if you didn't achieve your goals?"

Bella patted my thigh. "No, baby, that's why we include at least one unattainable one—that way, the pressure's off. It's really just a different way to measure a year, and sometimes it can get downright silly. Sometimes we're actually successful."

Rose laughed. "Most times we aren't."

"Shall I go first?" Alice asked as she tore the end of the envelope, then blowing into it before anyone could object.

"Be our guest," Rose said, snuggling into Emmett's arms.

"_I, Alice Brandon, hereby hope to achieve the following during 2009: I hope that Jasper Hale will finally ask me to marry him._" She paused, grinning. "Ooh, I can check something off! Jazzy, hand me a pen!"

We laughed as Alice made a big deal of crossing it off her list.

Bella leaned into me to whisper something. "Alice RARELY gets to cross anything off."

"It's only because I'm not afraid to dream big. Okay, number two says, _make Bella smile at least twice a day._ Check!"

Rose and Bella both groaned. "Alice, that's not fair, you use that one EVERY year."

"Yeah, not to mention you and Bella were on the outs for a while too, so no, you can't check that one off, darlin'," Jasper said.

With a big huff, Alice conceded. "Fine. Next is _design something and sell it to Alexander McQueen_." She sighed sadly. "That's a definite bust. My McQueen died before he ever saw my genius."

We all nodded. That one was definitely NOT a check.

"Finally, _find my girls some men; get Bella laid._ I daresay that I can partially check this one off because Bella got laid—a lot."

Bella looked at Rose, then at Jasper before replying to Alice. "Okay, you get partial credit, and I'm being generous because you didn't want me to have sex with Edward."

I pulled her closer, nibbling on her earlobe. "I'm glad you didn't listen to her."

Bella shuddered in my arms and I watched as tiny goose bumps popped up on her arms. "Easy, Edward," she whispered.

Jasper opened his envelope and went next. "Number one says, _ask Alice to marry me._ I think that's a BIG check. Number two is _get out of the porn store._ Check!"

"Heh, heh, can I get credit toward next year for that, since I'm the one who got him the new job?" Emmett asked, chuckling.

"I'd say sure, if it were up to me, Big Guy. We'll have to discuss it with the others. Since Emmett helped me get a job outside of the store, can he get partial credit for next year? All in favour, say _aye_."

A chorus of affirmatives went up.

"Then I declare that Emmett be given half a point toward next year—not that we keep a running score from year to year." Jasper smiled slyly at him before continuing. "Number three, _help Bella find joy in the little things._"

Bella looked up at him, smiling. "I'd be willing to give you a couple of points on that one, Jazzy. You always make me happy and you were supportive during all this mess."

"Sweet, thanks, darlin'. Number four is _to see my twin sister find happiness_."

"That's a HUGE check, Jazzy," Rose said, before she kissed Emmett.

"What? No big, ridiculous aspirations this year, Jazzy?" Bella asked.

"I think most of mine were pretty lofty this year. I never thought any of this," he waved his hand toward the rest of us, "would happen."

"True," she agreed.

"I'll go next!" Rose jumped up, tearing open her envelope in a flash. "_I, Rosalie Lillian Hale, will attempt the following during the year of our Lord two thousand and nine; I will get top marks in my economics classes, proving that Tate Herrington is NOT top dog and that women, especially drop-dead hotties like myself, are more than just a pretty face."_

Emmett held out a fist to her. "Big check mark for my fuck-hot fiancee! Take that, Tate Douchnozzle."

Rosalie laughed as she bumped fists with my brother. Her eyes were shining and I was pretty confident that it wasn't just the booze. I hadn't known Rosalie long, but something had clearly changed in her; she was still rough and tough as nails, but softer at the same time. She really truly loved my brother and her face was like a billboard advertising it.

"Okay, number two says _I want to see Bella happy and in love._ Again, another big check for me! As you can see, she's stupid in love, and frankly, in all the years that I've known her, I've NEVER seen her look so happy."

A loud amen ran out in the room. Bella blushed and buried her face in my armpit.

"Number three is a work-in-progress, so I should get partial points. I wanted to develop a business that caters to women, specifically something in the automotive industry. With Esme's help, that's going to happen.

"And my final one was that my twin would get off his ass and propose to my best friend, which he did."

Rose looked over her list, smiling. "Wow, this is the best year yet. Alright, Bells, you're up."

Bella sighed before opening her envelope. "Mine's pretty simple."

Alice grunted. "They usually are, and you usually hope for the same thing."

My girl nodded before snuggling in closer to me. "I hoped to find peace for me and…" she trailed off.

"And who?" I asked softly.

"You and your family," she whispered, blinking away a tear. "See?"

I looked at her page and sure enough, it said _I, Isabella Swan, would love nothing more than for the Cullens and me to find peace in this never ending mess._

My throat seemed to swell. "Really?"

She nodded.

Alice spoke up quietly. "It's always number one on her list. I was starting to think she'd never get to cross it off."

"Pen, please," Bella said.

Jasper passed his pen over, his eyes looking a little watery. "Here, darlin', cross that off."

The room was silent except for the sound of the fire crackling on the hearth, Fred's loud purring, and the dragging of the pen across the page as Bella crossed off her longstanding dream from the page. The smile on her face was enormous and contagious.

"Thank you, Bella," I said, hugging her tightly.

"Why? What did I do?"

"You never gave up and always wanted everyone to get through this. You are selfless. I'm the luckiest man in the world to be able to call you mine."

I gave her a searing kiss that made the others groan.

"Number two, please," Rose said, tossing a pillow at us.

"Number two seems to be a favourite tonight, because I hoped that Jasper would finally propose to Alice. I also wanted you to find a man, Rosie; someone who would sweep you off your feet, and who would be not only immune to your snarkiness, but someone who would love you for it."

"Hey, Bella, you're two for two this year. What's number three?" Alice piped up.

"Number three is simple. Happiness. I just wanted to be happy."

"You weren't ever happy before, Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Not really. I mean, I've had some incredibly wonderful moments over the years with these guys and we have laughed until we cried and smiled until our faces hurt, but I don't think I've been truly happy since the accident—until now. Now I think I've found happiness. It's not the same kind of happiness by any means, but I've finally come to understand that joy and happiness don't necessarily all come from another person, it comes from me, and it will ultimately feel different as I get older."

She looked at everyone, smiling. "You all make me so happy for so many reasons. You nurture me so I can finally feel joy. Rose, you are tough but kind and your love has seen me through some rough days. You never gave up on me or let me truly give up on myself.

"Emmett, there are no words to express how joyful you make me and how your love, tenacity, and selflessness have helped me through the toughest, darkest days of my existence. Having you back, even after I left you, has reignited the fire in my soul. You make me WANT to be happy again."

My brother wiped his eyes. "Aw, shucks, Baby Girl."

Bella turned around to face Alice and Jasper. "Jazzy, you are like a ray of sunshine and you've helped me try for so long to get to a place where I could feel contentment. You never pushed too hard, you just nudged me along, and I think that's been a huge part of me finally realizing that I've been happy, I just didn't understand it."

She took Alice's hand and held it in hers, beaming at her. "Alice, oh, my dear sweet, Alice, your joie de vivre used to upset me, even anger me because that's what I so desperately wanted to feel but couldn't. I didn't understand that I could have that again, only this time it might feel different. I spent so much time looking for my old happiness that I couldn't recognize the feeling of the new one."

She turned so she was straddling me. "And you, Edward, I NEVER thought you would help me find my happy again since you were one of the main reasons I thought I had lost it. I believed for so long that you took it away with you when you left."

It was suddenly very hard to breathe. I knew she had felt this way, but it still hurt to hear her say it.

"Breathe, baby," she whispered as she ran her fingers through my hair. "I'm not angry or upset anymore. I spent a long time blaming you when ultimately it was always on ME. I will gladly admit that I've been a lot happier since you came back for MANY reasons," she giggled, "but it was always in me, on me, to make things better for myself."

I rested my forehead on hers. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward, and I think that now that I've found myself, rediscovered who I am NOW rather than who I was back then, that I can love you more, love you properly, love you fully and completely."

Bella turned around, resuming her spot between my legs before she crossed it off her list.

"There. For the first time in four years, my list has been crossed off and I can face the New Year with new goals, new hopes, and a lot less baggage."

"How does it feel?" Rose asked.

"Glorious."

_**Bella**_

The weight of the world was no longer on my shoulders and I felt buoyant. This New Year would bring a whole new set of challenges and changes, but I was ready for it.

In March we would have to deal with the trial of the man who had drugged me and attacked Edward. While I had no memory of it, and my testimony would be pretty useless, the boys would be testifying as well as some other women who had stepped forward to say that he had also attacked them. It didn't look good for him in the least. Thank God.

Alice and Jasper would be welcoming their child into the world and we would all be standing by to help when and where we were needed.

Rose and Emmett would likely be getting married later in the year, probably after she graduates from university. They will be excitedly exploring a life together rather than wandering aimlessly alone.

As for Edward and me? We still have some work to do, but I can tell you right now that if he were to ask me to marry him I would—in a heartbeat. As for babies? Time will tell. I'm leaving it up to the Fates to decide. Things happen for a reason and if I happened to get pregnant, well, then it's meant to be.

_Things happen for a reason_. The thought of that saying used to anger me to no end. I used to think that it had to be coined by someone who had never experienced heart-wrenching loss, had never endured any kind of pain, never questioned His existence. _God only gives us what we can handle_ is another adage that used to bother me because I could never understand how someone could say that! My entire family was wiped out in one fell swoop, how was I supposed to handle that? What was the reason for me to lose everything like that? What kind of cruel God would do that?

I understand now. I don't necessarily agree with it, but I don't have that choice. I have to take what I was given and use it to my advantage instead of letting it drown me. I think I might have been a little too complacent in my perfect little life with my loving family, my adoring boyfriend, and my sweet little angel. This all gave me perspective on life, the importance of cherishing what you have WHILE YOU HAVE IT, and not taking anything for granted, including love. I NEVER thought Edward would ever leave me, but he did.

The most important thing now is that he came back. We need to take things one day at a time, one step forward instead of ten steps back like we had been.

Edward coming back…wow, if someone had told me that Edward would reappear in my life this year, I'd have likely laughed. If someone had let me know that things would change so drastically in such a short period of time, I'd have probably scoffed and called you a liar. My life was a series of schedules and constants, nothing changed, and everything was static. Now, well, EVERYTHING has changed and I'm truly and finally ready to face my life for my encore.

* * *

**So? Thoughts?**

**I'll try not to go on and on here, because everyone knows that no one reads A/Ns. **

**First and foremost, I need to thank Katmom and Minnakoda for all the time, love, and help they've invested in this story. It started off a mess and they helped me turn it into the much more palatable version that it is now. Not only did they have to trudge their way through the angst, they talked me down off several ledges because they're just that sweet, kind, caring, and awesome. I couldn't have done this without you guys, and I'm so glad that you've signed up to help me with the sequel.**

**The Sequel! It's still unnamed, but it's in progress. I'm working away at it every day and will likely start posting in late August, early September.**

**That being said, make sure you have me on author alert so you'll know when the first chapter goes up. I'd hate for anyone to miss it. **

**And a HUGE thank you to YOU! You guys are the ones who kept this story going, you are the ones who inspire me to write, and the friends I've made through this and my other stories have made all the difference both in the stories and in my life.**

**I am honoured to be counted amongst the amazing people in the TwiFic world, and I hope that I can continue to to keep you entertained, sobbing, and laughing (at Emmett).**

**My final recs (in this story at least) are:**

**_Tattoos Like Mile Markers_ by casket4mytears  
_Blue Flame_ by 107yearoldvirgin (and can only be found on FB under Blue Flame)  
_The Sound of your Voice_ by Marie0912 **

**Again, thank you for loving these flawed and broken characters. They are itching to come back as soon as possible.**

**Oh, finally...There are a lot of lesser-known fics out there that deserve recognition. There's currently a contest taking nominations for a wide variety of categories. Why not go and nominate your favourite lesser-known fics? They deserve love too. Check it out at: http : / thegloveawards (DOT) webs (DOT) com/ (don't forget to take out the spaces and replace the DOT with an actual dot)**

**I'm outta here! See you soon!**


	46. Sequel Teaser

**Hi Gang!**

**Since a couple of readers over on Twilighted nominated _Encore_'s Emmett in the Glove Awards as Best Emmett, I wanted to be sure to let you all know about this so you could maybe vote for him. He's going up against some incredibly popular Emmetts, and right now we're in second place after _Emancipation Proclamation_'s Emmett.**

**Please help Encore Emmett get some more votes and go over to www (DOT) thegloveawards (DOT) webs (DOT) com/vote (DOT) htm (Don't forget to replace the (DOT) with a real dot and take out the spaces.**

**Voting is open until next Friday (August 13th) so please get the word out there for our beloved buddy.**

**I hate begging for votes, but it'd be nice to win something.**

**SO, in exchange for your votes, I am giving you the first rough bit of the sequel, which will hopefully be ready for human consumption by September. I just got back from Toronto tonight and didn't get any writing done while I was away at all...between TwiTour (and my very close encounter of the Charliey Bewley kind), the Zoo with MssL, the ROM, and Niagara Falls, I've been a busy little beaver.**

**Enough rambling. Please to be voting for Emmett and to be reading excerpt.

* * *

**

_**Bella**_

"Emmett! Be careful with that!"

"Jasper, watch out!"

"Goddamnit, Edward, that's my foot!"

"Where does this box go?"

"This box is in the wrong house!"

"I can't lift it, I'm pregnant."

"Bella, go lie down, you're all slanty."

I slammed my fist down on the counter and snorted loudly. "THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me all slack-jawed like a bunch of pervs at a porn convention. I had had enough. It was bad enough that my life had been overrun by chaos for the past week, but when Emmett pointed out the obvious, effectively breaking rule number one, my patience and my mind snapped.

"Captain Emmett Awesome Cullen, can you please read rule number one on the whiteboard hanging in the kitchen; and please do so loud enough that the entire class can hear you."

He sighed heavily. "Don't assume that Bella doesn't know that she's tired."

"Thank you. I am aware that I'm tired, and as soon as I can make sense of the mess you're making in my house, I will go lie down."

The room began spinning and I knew I was done for. "Okay, scrap that. I'm going to lie down for a while and I'm begging you guys to please leave the house in somewhat good condition. I'm sorry I'm not much help, but that's the way it goes with Brain-Injured Bella."

Edward walked over and kissed my forehead. "I'll make sure that everything is done right, love. Please go get some rest because I plan on tiring you out again tonight."

I leaned into him and hummed happily. "I'm going to like having you around 24/7, Edward. I intend on holding you to your promise."

He walked me to _our_ room and left me at the door with a searing kiss and an ass cheek squeeze. "I'll see you soon. I love you."

"Mm, I love you too."

I gratefully crawled into bed before my face met the floor for some serious hardwood Frenching. I snuggled under the light duvet and listened to the hubbub outside my door. Today was moving day. We had to move three different households around. Edward was moving in with me, Alice and Jasper were moving into Edward and Emmett's old house, and Emmett and Rose were moving into the beautiful four bedroom home they had purchased with Carlisle and Esme's help. We had spent the better part of the week organizing things, packing and labelling boxes, and moving the small stuff by the carload. Emmett had rented a large cube truck to move things from house to house and we only had it for the day, so all of the big stuff needed to be taken care of today.

We are all going to be living within a ten minute drive of one another, which is great. Alice and Jasper are closest to us, and I can't wait to go for walks with Alice and the baby once it arrives. Em and Rose's home is in a newer subdivision full of kids and pets and parks.

When had we all grown up? When had everyone I know gone crazy and gotten engaged or pregnant? Weekend gatherings were now pretty much dry and tame, except for Rose and Emmett, who still enjoyed a beer every now and then.

* * *

**I'm sorry this is so short, but there is lots more to come, and Emmett is going to be in the sequel a lot. I know a lot of you guys have a soft spot for him, and I truly think that you'll fall in love with him all over again in the sequel.**

**Please go vote! There are a lot of other amazing stories nominated in other categories as well. Share the love!**

**Thank you. I *heart* you guys something fierce.**

******www (DOT) thegloveawards (DOT) webs (DOT) com/vote (DOT) htm **  



	47. Message from Emmett

Hey there, Encore-reading people, this is Emmett _Captain Awesome_ Cullen here. I kind of railroaded Leelan and begged her to let me talk to you guys for a minute.

I'm all kinds of thankful for how awesome you guys are. You guys voted me as second best Emmett in the Glove Awards! That's fucking awesome! I mean, coming in numero uno would have been pretty kick ass, but you know what? The fact that you guys loved me enough to nominate me, and then go and vote for me (over 300 votes, bitches! That's what I'm sayin!), well, that means a shit ton to me. Pardon my language and all, but you guys are the shit. I love you all and wish I could squeeze the shit right out of you.

(Sorry, Mom...I know you're probably reading this...I know you hate swearing...I'll try to clean it up a bit, and tell Edward to stop ratting on me, would you?)

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that our story, _Encore_ is up for another award—Best Tear Jerker—in the Hidden Star Awards. Voting is open until September 14th, so if you still have some love for me and the gang, we'd be most appreciative if you could slide on over to http : / thehiddenstarawards DOT blogspot DOT com /p/ voting DOT html (don't forget to take out the spaces and exchange the word DOT for an actual dot) and throw us a vote. My girl Minnakoda is up for an award too, for her awesomely different one-shot story called _Clean Up in the Produce Aisle, _which is about Jasper fucking around with Bella in a grocery store. It pissed Edward off because he was born without a sense of humour, but the rest of us thought it was pretty damn awesome. So if you could, maybe vote for her in the Best One Shot category. My other friend, KitsuShel's story Parachutes is up for Best Canon, so you might want to throw a vote or two her way too. Her story tugs at my heartstrings for a bunch of reasons...but don't tell Eddie because he'll start making fun of me for being a pussy or something.

Come on, I've got a heart. You guys all know that, and I'm telling you now, that after what we went through in the sequel, I think you're all going to think I've got an even bigger one.

Oh yeah, speaking of that sequel shit, Leelan's got the first chapter of the sequel up. It's called _Around the Bend_ and I think it's pretty good...probably because I'm in it a lot. But seriously, I really hope you guys are still interested enough in us enough to read yet another sometimes sad part of our lives as we start to move on and move forward. You know, Alice is going to have a baby, Edward and Bella are likely going to start humping like rabbits to have another one, not that any other baby will replace my Baby Em, and me and Rose have a new house and, well...you'll just have to read to find out what the fuck is going on with us. Shit's complicated.

So, what are you waiting for? Head on over to _Around the Bend_. Tell 'em that Emmett sent you.

Peace out, bitches!


End file.
